Happy Saturday. I hope you all had a lovely Christmas.

As always, I can't thank you enough for your comments on the last chapter. And, if you missed it, I posted a little Christmas surprise on Thursday for all those who loved Syrup and Honey :)

Christine is the Beta Queen forever. Thanks for your help

Lyrics for this chapter come from Better.

Enjoy!

I don't feel like we're done here
You got a lock on the things I want
I'm a lost, lonely one here who's addicted to holding on
I don't have you to kiss now and I'm putting myself to sleep
But it's me that I miss now, there's a me that I didn't keep

Sunlight filtered through the window, clear and bright, and fell right onto the bed. Kurt woke up slowly and immediately squinted at the glare of the light, wishing he had remembered to close the curtains the previous night.

There was a heavy weight against his left side, draped over him like a really, really solid blanket. Blaine had moved even closer during the night, and somehow their legs had become intertwined. His face was still buried in Kurt's neck, as it had been the previous night when they fell asleep, and Kurt was effectively pinned to the bed. Moving was not an option.

It had been a long time since he had woken up next to someone – a man, really. He had enough sleepovers with his girls, but it wasn't the same. It wasn't the same to wake up with Rachel's soft hair stuck to his nose or Santana's long legs thred through his own. There was something about waking up next to a man that truly reinforced that Kurt was wholy and truly gay. It was something about the scent of a man's skin, the slight roughness of chest or leg hair, the heaviness of the muscles, the hands...

And Blaine was no exception. He smelled amazing and he fit to his side like he had been made for it.

Kurt wished he could wake up like this every day.

He was still sleepy and trying to get his brain up to speed to get his morning started when, somewhere else in the apartment, Blaine's alarm started blaring. Blaine immediately lifted his head, looking disoriented and confused, and smacked his lips adorably.

"What's going on?" He asked.

Kurt had to lift his arm – the one that wasn't completely numb under Blaine, anyway – to stifle his laughter. "Time to wake up, silly."

Blaine groaned and dropped his head again onto Kurt's shoulder. "You're comfy, Kurt."

Kurt laughed again, only to get interrupted by his own stomach growling in protest. "We fell asleep without having dinner last night. I'm starving."

Blaine yawned so loud his jaw popped. "Oh, food. Yes, please."

Kurt decided he really liked Blaine when he was sleepy. It wasn't fair just how adorable he was, though. "Well, get off me and I'll go make breakfast."

Letting out a clearly unhappy sigh, Blaine rolled away, finally freeing Kurt. "Fine. I'll take a shower."

As Blaine went into the bathroom and Kurt padded down the hallway towards the kitchen, he didn't stop to think that he should have woken up heartbroken. He didn't even think of Adam, or about what had happened the previous day. He didn't think of the reason they had ended up talking in his bed, until they finally fell asleep tangled on top of the covers.

He just started whistling a random tune and decided he was in the mood for pancakes.

Blaine was on his knees on the kitchen floor trying to find a big enough plastic container when he heard the front door and Kurt's voice announcing he was home.

"I thought you were going straight to Bushwick!" Blaine yelled back in greeting, his upper body halfway inside the cabinet. "How come we can never find the Tupperwares when we need them?"

He heard more than saw Kurt standing at the kitchen entrance, amusement in his voice. "Are you trying to get to Narnia? Because you need a closet for that."

"Yeah, I'm not stepping back into the closet any time soon," Blaine muttered, earning a loud cackle from Kurt.

"Good to know," he said. "And yeah, that was the plan, but some idiot on the subway knocked right into me and made me spill my coffee all over my pants. I need to change."

"Well, it works in my favor. You know I hate going to Rachel and Santana's by myself. Last time, everyone was late and I had to sit with Santana alone for half an hour," Blaine said distractedly, and then he saw the container he was looking for right at the back of the cabinet. He let out a triumphant little scream.

"I can't believe you're still scared of her," Kurt snorted indelicately. "She's all bark and no bite."

"She makes me nervous, okay?" Blaine said, as he shoved all the containers he had spilled on the floor back into the cabinet, and then stood up with the one he needed. "She asks me really uncomfortable questions and goes really silent while she waits for me to answer."

"I forget you didn't go to school with us," Kurt rolled his eyes. "We're all used to her by now." He moved towards the stove and looked into the pot Blaine had there. "What did you make?"

"Oh, I found a really great vegan mac and cheese recipe and thought I'd give it a shot. Rachel always complains that the only vegan options we bring are salads," Blaine explained, as he began to transfer the contents of the pot into his plastic container. "I tried it when I was making it and it was delicious, so I'm pretty proud of myself." He batted Kurt's hand away when he tried to steal some. "Nope. You'll try it when we get there. Now, will you tell me how your audition went or do I need to give you the third degree?"

Kurt smiled at him. "I think it went really well? But I don't want to get my hopes up. They let me finish my song and didn't make any rude comments, so I'm calling it a win."

"I have a good feeling about this one!" Blaine said. He knew he had been saying that a lot after Kurt's recent auditions, but the way Kurt smiled at him, like it was giving his confidence a boost, made it worth it. "Alright, go change or we'll be late."

"Right," Kurt said, spinning on his heels to exit the kitchen.

Kurt insisted on treating his poor stained pants before leaving the apartment ("these are vintage Christian Dior, Blaine. I had to wrestle them out of another guy's grip in a thrift store in Chelsea. I'm not letting them get ruined just so we don't make Rachel Berry wait"), so in the end they were the last to arrive, though Blaine was glad it was the case. Santana was already entertained making Sam uncomfortable, and Blaine guessed he would get a free pass tonight.

Mercedes, Rachel and Brittany immediately went to the door the greet them, pressing kisses to their cheeks and helping them with their coats and the tote bag with the food.

"Oh finally! I'm starving!" Mercedes exclaimed, as they ushered them all towards the kitchen area. "Let's get dinner ready."

Rachel squealed in delight when Blaine revealed his mac and cheese container and explained it was vegan. She wanted to know exactly what was in it, so while Blaine put it in a baking dish to heat it up in the oven, he gave her a step-by-step account and a list of ingredients. Kurt chuckled under his breath while he and Brittany finished setting up the table, and Sam joined them, glad to have an excuse to escape Santana.

It was easy, being with them, and Blaine was happy to notice they had welcomed him into their group without even a second's hesitation. Most of them went to see him play at the bar every week, and since Kurt had brought him for their Monday potluck dinners the first time, they had insisted he had to come to every single one of them now. It felt like they had adopted him, and Blaine secretly loved it. Aside from Sam – and Eli, if he even counted – he hadn't made many friends, he had mostly acquantainces and classmates, people he got along with but that he didn't belong with. Here, it was different. It was the first time Blaine understood what people meant when they said friends were the family you chose.

Soon they were all sitting at the table, which wasn't even remotely big enough for all of them, but they didn't mind it being a little crowded. Brittany was almost perched on Santana's lap, one of Santana's arms protectively around her waist to keep her from falling; Sam and Mercedes kept bumping against each other as they passed dishes around; Kurt was sitting so close to Blaine that his shoulder was pressed completely flushed against his, with Rachel on his other side, already talking a mile a minute. Sometimes, they would sit around the coffee table in the living room area, scattered around the floor, their backs against the couch, but it was cold today, and the heat from the oven and each other's proximity was welcomed.

Rachel had made tofu stir fry; Mercedes and Sam had brought rotissery chicken and garlic baked potatoes; Brittany had arranged quite a lovely cheese plate – the only thing she was allowed to bring to the table since her Orange Duck Debacle; Blaine still had nightmares over it – and Santana, though she pretended to be completely above working in any way to please others, had made a rather delicious quiche and cupcakes for dessert. Kurt had tossed a salad together ("god, you guys, it won't kill you to eat some more vegetables..." "We've been through this in high school, Kurt. Potatoes are a vegetable") and Blaine passed around his mac and cheese, quite proud at how everyone hummed pleasantly as they tried it.

These weekly hang outs were the perfect excuse for all of them to catch up on each other's lives. Texting throughout the week wasn't enough sometimes, and when they met at Blaine's gig on Thursdays, they usually just wanted to relax and have some fun. Blaine was marveled at their amazing dynamic – it wasn't difficult to see how comfortable with each other they all were, how used to each other's antics. They loved each other, had seen each other at their best and at their worst, and Blaine sometimes found himself wondering what it would be like to have friends like Kurt's, people who knew him for so many years they could read him like an open book.

"So, first order of business," Santana announced as Brittany poured some wine for her, which she thanked her for by pressing a quick kiss to her cheek. It was amazing to see Santana being so soft with someone else, when she was all sharp-edges and bitch glares with the rest of the world. "Rachel told me you and Adam are ancient history, Hummel."

Blaine felt Kurt tense slightly next to him.

"Santana, have a little tact," Mercedes said, coming to her friend's rescue, before turning to Kurt. "We're really sorry, Kurt. Adam was cool."

Kurt let out a little sigh. "I'm fine, guys. I think deep down inside I knew it was coming. He's happier there and I wasn't planning on moving to London, so..."

"How are you feeling?" Rachel asked, her big eyes focused on Kurt.

"Well, I'm unemployed and single, Rachel, so I've been better," Kurt replied dryly, rolling his eyes.

Blaine let his hand settle on Kurt's knee under the table and gave it a reassuring squeeze. Kurt turned to look at him, a little smile just for him stretching on his lips.

"Don't be sad, Kurt," Brittany said, in that dreamy tone of hers. "Adam was nice but I couldn't understand a single thing he said. He sounded like a magical creature, like the leprechaun I had back in high school."

Blaine wasn't even fazed by this comment anymore. Brittany said a lot of unusual things. She and Sam had conversations that could confuse the hell out of the rest of them, though.

"He's British, Brit," Kurt replied, as he spared some chicken onto his fork. "And don't worry, I'm not sad. Not really."

"If you're ready to get some new succulent ass," Santana said, and everyone around the table groaned at her crassness. She continued like there had been no interruption, "then I'm happy to inform you that Brit and I know a guy who would be perfect for you. We could go on a double date sometime."

"Dating is the last thing on my mind right now," Kurt said. "And I think going on a blind date with you as my wing woman would probably be one of the most terrifying experiences of my entire life."

"Whatever, I'm not the one who hasn't had sex in over six months," Santana muttered, and turned her attention back to the food.

"True, we had sex this morning!" Brittany exclaimed, grinning widely, causing everyone to groan again.

Kurt downed his glass of wine in one big gulp.

There were days in which Kurt had nowhere to go, no reason to leave the apartment at all, and those were the hardest ones.

He wasn't good at being still, at not finding a reason to be productive every minute of his day. He had lost count of the times he had scrubbed the entirety of the apartment clean. He cooked. He went grocery shopping. He practiced for his auditions. He tried to read, if the voices in his head allowed him to. But the hours stretched forever before him, and nothing was enough to fill them.

Sometimes, when Blaine had a lesson scheduled, he would go for a long walk to give him privacy to work. He wondered if Blaine was as sick of his fidgeting as he was.

He checked his bank account every day and felt the worry crawl up his spine. His father had told him to call him if he needed any help, but Kurt didn't want to have to do that. Blaine had told him he didn't have to pay rent until he got a new job and Kurt felt so angry and humiliated that Blaine had left the room, raising his hands in front of him as if holding a shield.

He was reaching the end of the rope but his feet couldn't find the ground. He didn't want to hang there forever, hoping for a miracle. He didn't want to let go and fall into the dark abyss beneath him.

Despite Blaine's insistence that he could do this, that he had the talent to make it, Kurt began to send his resumé to restaurants and coffee shops. Dreams were nice, but they weren't enough to feed you and to keep a roof over your head.

It was Friday and he got home after a long walk. The weather was growing colder and colder every day, and Christmas decorations had begun to appear all over the city. Kurt usually loved this time of the year, but this time he couldn't bring himself to join in on the holiday spirit. He was glad he was going to Ohio in a couple of weeks. He really needed a hug from his dad.

Kurt began to unwrap his long scarf just as he felt his phone vibrate deep within his coat's pocker. Blaine was playing the piano quietly in the living room, alone, his students gone for the day. The tune that filled the air felt random and slow as if Blaine was trying to find the right melody to play. It usually meant Blaine was working on a new song, so Kurt didn't say anything, not wanting to disturb him.

Instead, he grabbed his phone and frowned at the unknown number on the screen. "Hello?"

He walked into the kitchen and filled the kettle with water. He wanted some tea to get the cold out of his bones.

"Hello, is this Kurt Hummel?" A voice asked.

"Yes, I'm Kurt. Who is this?" He said absently.

"This is Mary Reeves, with the Silversong Theatre Company," she said in a gentle, paused tone. Kurt closed the faucet and put the kettle down on the stove immediately. "You auditioned for us last week."

"Yes, yes, I remember," Kurt said, and hated how breathy and high his voice sounded all of a sudden.

"Well, you have been picked as part of the ensemble of our new production," she informed him, and Kurt had to move towards the breakfast bar and take a seat, because his legs felt like jelly.

She proceeded to give him all the information he would need and Kurt struggled to make sense of it in his head as he reached for the notepad they often used to write their grocery lists and wrote down everything as she spoke. His hand was shaking so badly that he almost couldn't recognize his own handwriting.

By the time she said goodbye and ended the phone call, Kurt was so stunned and near tears that he dropped both the phone and the pen onto the breakfast bar with a dull thump.

He hadn't noticed the piano had stopped echoing from the living room until a hand was being pressed gently to his shoulder.

"Kurt? Are you alright?" Blaine asked softly.

Kurt turned on his seat to face him and looked right into Blaine's concerned eyes. He felt the smile begin to pull at the corners of his mouth. "I... I just got cast in my first Broadway musical."

"What?" Blaine exclaimed, excitement flooding his face. He grabbed Kurt's hand and pulled him to his feet and right into his arms for a hug. "Oh my god, that's amazing! I knew you could do this!"

"It's just the ensemble but..." Kurt muttered into his shoulder. "I can't believe it."

"I knew it, I knew it, I knew it," Blaine parrotted into his ear. "I'm so happy for you. What is it for?"

"New revival of Cats," Kurt said, disbelievingly. "I start rehearsals after New Year's."

Blaine squealed and began bouncing up and down, Kurt still trapped in his arms. His happiness was so sincere that Kurt started laughing and crying at the same time, until he joined in and squealed in relief and joy.

Blaine grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled away enough to look him in the eyes. "I'm so proud of you for not giving up. And I'm going to be there on opening night cheering so loudly I'll embarrass you in front of your castmates."

Kurt laughed again as he wiped at his tears. "Oh my god, I can't believe it. I thought... I thought I wouldn't..."

"None of that," Blaine cut him off. "You deserve it. No more self-doubt, okay? No more putting yourself down or thinking you're not good enough. This is just the beginning, Kurt."

Kurt let out another squeal and pulled him into another hug.

"Oh, I need to call my dad!" He said after a few seconds. "I need to tell him!"

Kurt paced around the living room as he waited for his dad to pick up the call. Blaine went into the kitchen to continue making the tea Kurt had completely forgotten about.

"Hello?" Burt Hummel's voice always felt like a balm on Kurt's soul.

"Dad, I did it!" Kurt practically screamed. "I got cast in a musical!"

Now it was Burt who was screaming, trying to congratulate Kurt and get Carole into the room at the same time, making such a ruckus that Kurt couldn't help but laugh. His father put him on speaker phone as Carole joined him so he could talk to both of them at the same time, asking questions and wanting to hear every single detail, and Kurt was so happy he didn't even know where to start.

Just as Kurt began to explain, his hands still shaking with excitement, there was a knock on the door and Blaine left the kitchen to go see who it was. Kurt stood in the living room and glanced at the front door as Blaine opened it, to find Eli standing there.

Eli stepped immediately inside and pulled Blaine flushed against his body, bringing him into a deep, open-mouthed kiss that made Kurt stutter as he tried to explain his parents what Cats was about. The kiss seemed to go on forever, languid and a little bit dirty, until Eli finally ended it, only to bring his mouth to Blaine's ear, his hands travelling down his back to squeeze at Blaine's ass, and whisper something only he could hear but that made Blaine's entire face redden.

Eli didn't wait for a reply, simply grabbed Blaine's hand and guided him down the hallway. There was a bang as Blaine's bedroom door was shut, and Kurt found himself standing alone in the living room, his parents' happy voices in his ear, feeling as if a bucket of ice-cold water had just been dumped on his head.

The bubble of joy that had begun to grow inside of him suddenly popped and disappeared, and all the plans Kurt had started to make in his head to celebrate vanished without him being able to understand why his happiness had gone sour at the sight of Eli kissing Blaine.

He made excuses to Burt and Carole, saying he had to meet his friends to celebrate, and ended the call abruptly. For some reason, he couldn't stay here. He couldn't be in this apartment for a moment longer. He couldn't bear to hear the muffled laughter coming from Blaine's room. He wrapped his scarf back around his neck and buttoned his coat. He needed to take another walk.

Two cups of tea, completely forgotten, went cold on the kitchen counter.

Everything's coming up Kurt! Well, except a new boyfriend. At least for now!

I hope you liked the chapter :)

Have a wonderful weekend and I'll be seeing you again on Wednesday!

Love,

L.-