Shaggy is heavy.
Also yes, I do have myself in the Tintin movie before this self insert, but I actually don't have the story itself written out. It's just a bunch of vague snippets. Don't worry, the sailors only come up occasionally in this story, and its always in a mentioned. They don't actually make an appearance.

I don't know what I expected.

Honestly, I don't.

I literally gave him something to grab.

In a few seconds flat, I found myself pinned down with a hand around my throat and an armored knee pressed into my stomach, making it a bit hard to breath.

Well, harder.

"Hey! The hell? I'm literally dead on my feet!" I complained, shoving at his leg with one hand. "Get off me!"

His hand tightened, not enough to hinder my breathing but enough to add a slight wheeze. "I may let that slide, but don't you dare kick or attack us again. Understood?" he asked, tone low.

Gripping his wrist, I coughed and glared up at him. "I get it, now get off," I growled, bringing a foot up and planting it against his side. The angle put an almost painful strain on my hip but at the moment I had bigger issues.

The knee pressed harder. "Put that leg down, now."

Ordinarily I wouldn't have, but this was definitely one man I didn't want to piss off while he had a hand on my throat. I let it drop back to the ground. "What, we not playin' a game anymore? Here I was thinkin' we were just all havin' a grand ol' time."

His eyes narrowed, but I could see a small smirk of amusement on his face. "You're lucky I'm patient. I've done worse to people for less than what you pulled."

"What I pulled? Excuse you, sir," I retorted. "I told you to back off with the needle, but did you? No . So don't pin this on me!"

He shifted his weight, adding more pressure on my belly. "If you don't stop smarting off you're going to have more to worry about than a knee on your stomach."

I looked at Tech. Until now, the resident genius had been silent as he watched Hunter and I go back and forth. "What I tell you? He's gonna stab me," I grumbled, pointing at Hunter.

"No," Hunter corrected before Tech could start rambling again. "I'm trying to get you to realize that, currently, you're not in a position to be fighting back!"

Salt returning to flow through my veins and soul, a sarcastic grin twisted my lips. "When you think I'm down, I probably know how to get out of somethin'." To emphasize my point, I reached up and tugged his thumb backwards, alleviating the pressure off my throat. "Thumb is one of the weakest points." I shifted my other hand to the underside of Hunter's wrist and pressed the tendons. His hand tensed, trying to keep a hold, but I tugged it away from my neck. "Press the underside of someone's wrist and they can't hold on."

"Ah! So that's how you broke Wrecker's grip!" Tech exclaimed, feeling along the underside of his own wrist.

I grinned at him. "Yep! Soft style is often more fun than hard style!" I started to shove Hunter off, only for him to swing himself onto my hips and sit down hard. His armor pressed painfully into my hip bones, which already stuck out slightly whenever I lied down. " Hey ! You're literally on me, scoot your armored ass off!" I yelped, shoving at his chest.

Hunter snatched both of my wrists in a vice grip and held them still. "And get kicked again? No."

"We just made a deal that I wouldn't kick you again!" I protested. "Damnit, you're heavy! The hell do you even eat?"

"We are supposed to be on a diet of protein rations but we are able to supplement plenty of organic foods as well," Tech supplied.

Rhetorical question, my dude . I tried biting Hunter's hands.

He jerked them out of reach while keeping a hold of my wrists. "What is it with you and biting?"

"Thanks to someone's heavy ass, my legs are out of commission at the moment."

Hunter rolled his eyes. "I'll get off if you answer this question."

"Hurry, your armor hurts my hips."

"How many years' experience do you have in the martial arts?"

"Decent amount," I replied as I attempted to hit him in the back with my knee. "Five years of training three times a week for an hour and a half. I'm one of the highest-ranking members and scare all the men for good reason. They will stand in front of anyone but me. Nearly sent the head trainer, a Marine, through the wall once with a spinning side thrust kick under the arm. Equestrian team for four years prior to karate certainly helped build up leg muscle, especially when we had to ride without stirrups."

"Am I making you nervous?"

I stared up at Hunter, knee halting mid-strike. "What? Where in the blue heck did that come from?"

"You're chattering. Tech says people do that when they feel nervous."

"Technically they become incoherent and start repeating the same words over and over as their brain tries to come up with something to rid themselves of the threat," Tech pointed out.

Rolling my eyes at Tech, I glared up at Hunter. "Correct me if I'm wrong, Sarge , but you asked, didn't you? And I'm proud of my reputation. I sacrificed my knees to get it, and they're currently on fire." I started hitting his back with my knee again. "And my hip bones are gonna be bruised because of you now as well, so move your butt!"

"And if I don't?"

I narrowed my eyes. "Then I'll give you a flyin' lesson." I wiggled my fingers at him. "Be afraid, Hunter. Be very, very afraid."

Deadpan, he replied, "I'm shaking."

"Good. Now scooty scoot." Groaning in relief as the weight disappeared, I brushed off my stomach and pushed myself into a crouch. "Now, to go back murder Trevor for leavin' me."

Hunter grabbed my upper arm. "You're going back with us right now. You can murder your friend and check on your special ice after that."

I'd almost forgotten about that. Is this gonna be a running gag between us now? Wonderful . I flexed my arm under his grip. "How kind of you to worry about my poor ice stuck in the freezer," I said with mock gratitude. "This compassion shall not be forgotten."

He shook his head, but I could still see a smirk on his face. "You'll need that ice after Crosshair gets done with you for kicking him."

"Wonderful," I muttered, pulling my arm from his grip. I then looked away, heat creeping up my cheeks and my ears shifted backwards.

"Shadow?" Tech asked, noticing the change in my posture.

Words sticking in my throat, I managed to get out, "Hunter, I... I didn't mean to hit you in the head. It's just... needles..."

Hunter stared at me for a moment before slipping his helmet back on. "Yes, you did."

I looked up at him. "Hey, I'm tryin' to apologize," I growled as I followed him down the tunnel. "Don't make it harder than it already is."

A small, almost sadistic chuckle was his response. "I'm sure karma will come around eventually."

That chuckle speaks of bad things to come for me. "Is that the name of your knife or Wrecker's?" I asked as we emerged onto the outer ledge.

"Don't you worry about that for now." Hunter started making his way down the different levels.

I looked over the edge as Tech came alongside me, his helmet back on his head. "You name your knives?"

"Just jump down here."

I glanced at Tech, jerking my head towards Hunter.

Tech shook his head. "You first."

"What? Don't trust me?" I snickered, elbowing him. He glared at me, but judging from the way his eyes slightly scrunched I had the feeling a smile hid under that helmet. I winked at him. "Besides, can't say anything about naming knives. I got a small one that clips to my waistband that I call Ruko, and then there's Slasher." I hopped down after Hunter. "That's an eighteen-inch double edged machete that's serrated on one side."

"And you call us armed to the teeth," Hunter said as I jumped down beside him.

"You see Slash on me right now?" I asked, gesturing to my unarmed form.

His helmet tilted as he looked me up and down before taking a step forward reaching for my waist.

I jumped backwards, slamming into Tech who grunted and gripped my shoulders to steady us both before we fell down. I crossed my arms in front of my waist and indignantly stared at Hunter. "Hey! What d'ya think you're doing, buster?"

"Checking for your friend Ruko."

I swatted his hands away as he reached forward again. "Paws off. You had your chance to feel for that when you channeled your inner octopus earlier in the first tunnel or when you decided to sit on top of me."

"Stop that and hold still." The man stepped closer once more.

I suppressed the urge to snap kick him in the stomach and instead slapped his hand down. "Access denied." I then slapped my own hand against my stomach where the knife would have been. "See? Just muscle. Now kindly evacuate my personal bubble." I shooed him back with my hands.

Hunter looked down at my hands. "Did you just 'shoo' me?"

"Yes."

His helmet tilted up and down before a soft laugh shook his chest. "I can't tell if you are truly scared of us or you really do see this as a game."

"What I am, sir, is salty," I muttered, crossing my arms and giving him a sarcastic smile. "And exhausted."

"We would have already been done with our talk had you not decided to run," Hunter said, turning around and heading out of the Anthill.

"Well excuse me for boltin' from you lot," I huffed, following him out. "Not all of us are hardwired to be insane like you, Hunter."

"Ha."

As we walked, Tech drew alongside me. "If I may ask, why were you so firm in your refusal to help? We only wanted a guide to aid us through the mountains so we can gather information for our mission."

"Firstly, how was I to know if I'd even be remotely safe with you four? Shit, that still stands! How do I know you won't turn on me once you've gotten what you need from me?"

"If I guarantee your safety, then you will be safe. Why would we hurt someone we're not after?" Hunter asked.

"This ain't my first rodeo dealin' with men like y'all. I have a ship full of sailors as friends. They were rough, hard fighters."

Who were absolute goofballs if you weren't on their hitlist. Goofballs who could kill you in at least three dozen ways, some of which were morbidly creative, but goofballs nevertheless.

"Might I ask about them?" Tech paused. "If you don't mind?"

I rolled my eyes. "What's to tell? They were all murderous, batshit insane bastards with violent streaks a mile wide. They played rough , and they played dirty ." I felt a tired smile creep along my face as some rather fond memories flickered across my mind. Namely the lampshade incident. "But damn do I miss those morons. Never a dull moment."

Tech pondered my words. "Those sailors... Did they teach you street fighting?"

"Yep, and how to better use pistols." I shrugged tiredly. "I still prefer rifles."

"You shoot?" At this I had to laugh. It was more of a breathless wheeze, but it nevertheless made Tech raise an eyebrow. "What's funny?"

Do I shoot... I struck terror into the hearts of men for more reasons than my black belt. "I love shooting. My first gun, Kindness, has been outfitted with a scope so I can nail Tannerite from a safe distance and not blow myself into oblivion. Although I love nothing more than to light up a target with a full auto machine gun. Talk about power." I snorted, rubbing my shoulder. "And bruises. The sailors had a bunch of those that they let me play with, so I often had bruised shoulders on that ship."

"You have a sniper rifle? Named... Kindness?" Tech blinked in confusion.

I snickered. "Kill 'em with Kindness," I purred, baring my teeth in a feral grin.

The man shook his head, frowning. "That's morbid."

Still grinning, I replied, "My humor has three forms. Morbid, self-deprecating, and inappropriate!" I started coughing again. "For the love of..."

"You sound horrible," Hunter commented.

I shot an unamused look in his direction. "I parkoured through a library, dip and dodged through tunnels, zipped through a four story obstacle course, fell down a hill, ran for half an hour through another maze of tunnels, then went toe to toe with three commando soldiers. I'm entitled to sound a bit rough." I couldn't help but laugh. "Yet, honestly, felt kinda good to feel my muscles working as they should again. Was all in all pretty fun. Well, until the needle came into play..."

"How can you be scared of a needle yet retain those scratches with no issue?" Tech gestured to my dirt and grass stained body and the various scrapes covering it. Alphian healing ability really only covered major wounds. I hadn't sustained large enough wounds to trigger the healing process, and my minor gashes still trickled blood.

"That... is an excellent question," I admitted, shrugging. "Don't make no sense, does it?"

"Why do you talk like that? The grammar isn't correct."

I smacked his shoulder. "Ever heard of an accent?"

"What? Of course I have heard of an accent," he defended, puffing up. "For your information, according to recent data the number of accents in any given language is-"

"Shads!"

My head snapped in the direction of Trevor's voice. " You !"