"Explain," Steve demanded quietly, needing to know all that happened to him while he was asleep. Tony had never been able to get away with one of his jokes without slipping up somehow. Whether it was a smirk he couldn't quite hold back, or an unusually placed hand to stifle a giggle, Tony took too much pleasure in his stunts to not give himself away. If Steve saw anything but a stone cold serious face, he wasn't sure what he'd do. He'd never be able to trust the other man again.
"Since we'd never tested the drug out and we didn't know how your body would react, except in theory, I didn't know how much to give you. Banner is better with all that crap anyways, but I couldn't get in touch with him and there was no time. The doctors were yelling about your spinal cord getting severed if you kept moving and they didn't do the surgery. So I persuaded them into letting me use the drug," Tony said quickly, eyes darting from Steve, to the table, and back again. "I gave you 20cc's, but it didn't do much and the doctors were talking about having to strap you down so they could cut into your neck, so I injected more, just a few more cc's. It worked this time, so they backed off. They got you situated in a bed and you didn't wake up again until yesterday." Steve waited to see if he had any more to add, but Tony didn't say anything after a few moments. There weren't any signs of humor or dishonesty coming from the other man, but he was still wary. He wanted so much to believe Tony was telling the truth about this part, but part of him couldn't fathom why, after he seemed so worried about him just days before, he could play such a dark prank on him.
"Pardon the interruption sir," Fury's secretary said, peeking in from the door. "Secretary Pierce is on line one for you, he says it's urgent." Fury grunted in annoyance, but got up quickly.
"I'll be back shortly," Fury muttered, leaving the room to go back to his office. Tony was looking around, anything to avoid eye contact with him. This might be his only chance to get answers, because he definitely wasn't going to be seeking out anymore one on one time with the man. Steve needed to know the whole story, to be able to ask the hard questions, without an audience.
"Stark, I need you to tell me, right now, if giving me too much of your drug was really a mistake," Steve demanded, leaning forward over the table and keeping his voice low and serious. Tony reared back as if he'd been struck.
"Of course it was a mistake!" Tony gasped, looking shocked at the doubt Steve felt. "I would never do something like that." Steve snorted at the gall Tony had to sound so indignant.
"I don't think I ever knew you at all," Steve hissed, pushing away from the table and stalking back over to the window. He had to create some distance from the other man before he did something he couldn't take back. Right now, putting his fist through Tony's face like he had the TV screen and wall sounded very tempting. But if he did that, there was no question their secret would come out. No one would believe the medicine accident would provoke that type of reaction from Captain America.
"That's real rich coming from you," Tony scoffed, kicking his feet up on the conference room table. Steve whirled around to stare at the man, baffled by the fact that Tony could argue with him now. Steve had been nothing but professional to the man since the Battle of New York.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You act like you're so much better than all of us. Even when you lived in the tower, you just kept yourself separate from everyone. Like the only time you could be bothered to be in our presence was when you were bossing us around during missions!"
"Because you were just so welcoming, with all those little jabs at me. Every chance you got you just had to shove cold and ice in my face. So I'm just supposed to laugh it off and have a beer with you after?"
"Right, like you've ever laughed in your entire life. You're such a freaking robot, I wonder if you have any feelings at all!" Tony shouted, snapping his jaw tight after he realized what he said. Steve knew what he was thinking of, because he was thinking of the same thing. Well, at least now Tony knew he could feel things.
"Is that why you did it?" Steve wondered quietly, speaking more to himself now than Tony. Had he been so standoffish that the others thought he didn't care about them at all? He wished that were true. He wished he didn't have to form any attachments anymore, because they were always temporary and always ended in pain. But as hard as he tried, he did care about his team. Even Tony. Even after all this.
"Can we just talk about yesterday?" Tony asked, sounding so worn down.
"No, there's no need to discuss it. I've already forgotten about it and so should you. It doesn't need to be brought up again," Steve ground out, not wanting to hear Tony try to justify his behavior. If the other man tried to blame Steve for his actions, he might very well lose his tenuous grasp on calm.
"Of course, Captain Perfect," Tony muttered, turning to stalk out of the room. Steve didn't bother trying to stop him from leaving, even though the meeting wasn't over. Fury knew how to contact the man if he needed to say anything else. Steve sat back down in his chair, thinking about what Tony said. He could acknowledge that he kept people at arm's length, but it wasn't because he thought he was superior. It was just better that way. This wasn't his world. It wasn't natural to form relationships with people who he shouldn't even be alive to know.
And Captain Perfect? Hardly. But that was his goal now. Being the captain was what he was made to do. That was his role here. He hadn't been perfect before, but he was going to be now. No more weakness, no more games. Steve wasn't here for friendships or fun, those had their place in his real life, but that was over. This life he was living now wasn't his. It was a circumstance he found himself in. What a waste it would be for him to spend his time pretending he was a normal person. He tried that already and Tony said straight to his face that he sucked at it. Well, no more. If Tony thought the old Steve Rogers was Captain Perfect, he hadn't seen anything yet.
Fury waltzed in about ten minutes later, scowling at the sight of Tony's empty chair. Steve just sat silently, knowing he didn't have to say anything. They both knew how Tony was and he didn't even technically work for Shield, so Fury knew how to pick his battles. Fury went over the rest of the mission report, going over what the techs had found about the people behind the attack. It was just some disgruntled group of robotics engineer students who were looking for revenge over a grant they were denied for their research project. Steve thought it sounded pretty petty to cause so much harm and damage over a professional disappointment, but he was glad this wasn't the first strike of some up and coming super villain they'd have to deal with in the future. He was so tired of super villains.
Fury dismissed him, letting him know that the other members of the team were due back within the next few days, so he could take the time off unless there was an emergency he was needed on. Steve wasn't too happy to not have an assignment, but he accepted Fury's direction. At least this gave him time to set up his apartment. He accepted his personal items from Fury's secretary and set off back to his neighborhood.
Steve stopped by his favorite grocery store on the way home, stocking up on his new essentials. He grabbed chicken breasts, eggs, fruits and vegetables, whole grain bread, and milk. That was all he needed. He politely chatted with the cashier, keeping it more casual than he usually did. His new attitude had to include all aspects of his life. If there were any cracks anywhere, it could cause a ripple effect and spread to other parts of his life. Captain America didn't have room for friends.
When he got back to his apartment, he put his new food away and went into the living room. There wasn't too much space in his apartment, but not having to worry about a television opened up possibilities with where to put his furniture. Steve put his now empty bookshelf on the street, his old bed already having been picked up by someone. He moved the couch and coffee table into the corner by the kitchen, freeing up the rest of the floor space. He could use this room for working out, whenever the mood struck and his gym was closed. That was one thing he could admit he missed about living in Stark Tower. Access to a state of the art gym with souped up equipment whenever he pleased was amazing. But he'd make due with what he had. Steve gently tucked away the letter about Peggy in the back of one of his drawers. He couldn't stand looking at it anymore, but he wasn't going to get rid of it. Maybe one day he'd take the time to go visit her grave, but it was too soon. He didn't think he'd be able to stand the sight of the fresh grave, with the ground still uneven and the temporary marker.
Steve planned a hardware store trip for the next day, needing to fix his bathroom wall and put up a new medicine cabinet. He should restock his first aid kit too, needing more than just the basics on hand. This would be good, taking the next few days to settle into his new rhythm. By the time the team was all in the same room again, this new Captain America would feel natural. It already felt good, trimming the fat from his life. It was like a spring cleaning of his soul. Goodbye Steve, hello Captain Perfect.