"Can we watch a movie?" Erin asks
"Sure" Hank says
"Jurassic Park" Me and Erin say at the same time, and then burst out laughing.
"Okay you two" Hank says and puts on the movie. We finish our dinner quickly and watch the movie for the rest of the night. I don't know when it happened, but sometime during the movie, I snuggled into Hank and Erin curled up into my other side. I felt so safe and content in that moment that I actually fell asleep.
I haven't fallen asleep so easily in 5 years. It only ever happened when Mouse was with me, or my entire ranger unit. I didn't wake up during the night either. For the first time since Mouse left for Afghanistan, I woke up to the ringing of my alarm at 4:30 instead of before it. I woke up in my bed. Hank must have carried me up here when the movie finished. I get up and change into my running clothes and put my shoes on. I grab my phone and headphones and walk down the stairs and out the door. I put my favorite playlist on shuffle and started jogging. The lyrics of Always* fill my head.
You and me will be always
I'll be honest, there's a lot I don't know
So much of this is out of our control
And the hardest thing can be learning to let go
Cause theres a short, short list of people in it for
The long haul
Now, your clothes your shoes and your best
Friend
They ain't gonna stay the same
Your reckless years and your mistakes
I promise you they fade away
But trust me, the one thing that nothing in this world
Can change
Hey, you and me will be always
Always, you and me will be always
Gonna love all the version of yourself that you'll try
Let you go through your phases, cheer you on from
The side
And the sweetest thing is just knowing that you've got love
From the short short list of people it in for
The long haul
Now see your clothes your shoes and your best
Friends
They ain't gonna stay the same
Your reckless years and your mistakes
I promise you they fade away
But trust me the one thing that nothing is this world
Can change
Hey you and me will be always
Always, you and me will be always
I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be your always
I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be your always
I'm (im) gonna be (gonna be) I'm gonna be your always (always)
I'm (gonna be) gonna be I'm gonna be your always (always)
Me and Mouse will always be together, nothing can drive us apart
Hey you and me will be always
Now see your clothes your shoes and your best
Friends
They ain't gonna stay the same
Though me and Mouse will always have the rest of our unit
Your reckless years and your mistakes
I promise you they fade away
But trust me the one thing that nothing in this world
Can change
Hey, you and me will be always
Always, yeah, you and me will be always
I've always loved that song, it perfectly describes me and Mouse. As I'm listening to the song my mind pulls my favorite memories of me and Mouse together. Our first kiss, our late night cuddle sessions, our joking banter after a long day, our games of tag in the open fields after training. It makes my chest stop aching for a little bit. I hate that he went back, but in the back of my mind I know why. There are nights when I don't go to sleep because I'm afraid I'll miss his call, there are days when I check my mailbox every hour for a letter from him. There are days when I can barely focus on the case we have because I'm thinking of the last conversation we had, or the last letter he wrote. I miss the way he could cheer me up with just a smile. I miss the way that he knew what I was feeling without me saying a word. I miss the way he wouldn't say a word, he would just pull me into a hug after a hard case. I miss the gentle kiss he would use to snap me out of my thoughts. I miss the way he would pin me against the door when he got jealous. I miss the way he would put some music on and dance around me until I joined him. I miss him so fucking much it hurts. We may not be physically bonded, but dating for 15 years creates a mental bond without the physical mark to show it. The only reason we didn't bond is because of the risk of one of us dying. If we were bonded and one of us died, the other wouldn't be able to live much longer. we couldn't let that happen to our team, it would tear them apart. I'm brought out of the memories and thoughts by the next song, SuperNova Sunrise*.
Welcome back the sunrise,
I'm finally waking up.
And I've been here for far to long,
But I think I've had enough.
Cause I've been praying for a change
For such a long long time.
Take a breath and step outside
And lay the past behind.
Basically what I did when I ran away
If I could just hold on a little longer
(If I could just hold on)
Hello, hello supernova sunrise,
Hello where have you been all my life?
Gotta wake up and breath again (Oh)
Restart my heart and make it beat again.
Burn, burn rise supernova sunrise.
Welcome to redemption
I'm finally catching on.
I'm making sense of my existence,
I found where I belong.
I found my place when I joined Tier One
One minute ago, I was lonely in an ordinary world,
But everything is changing.
If I could just hold on a little longer
(If I could just hold on)
Hello, hello supernova sunrise,
Hello where have you been all my life?
Gotta wake up and breath again (Oh)
Restart my heart and make it beat again.
Burn, burn rise supernova sunrise.
Hello, supernova
Hello, Supernova
I've been waiting all my life
I've been waiting all this time
For seven years I waited
Hello, hello supernova sunrise,
Hello where have you been all my life?
Gotta wake up and breath again (Oh)
Restart my heart and make it beat again.
Burn, burn rise supernova sunrise
Another one of my favorite songs. I remember the first time I saw the sun in fours years. When my father got sole custody of me, the first thing he did was lock me in a cage in his basement. I didn't see the sun until four years later when he made the mistake of leaving my cage door open. He didn't think that I was strong enough to move, let along walk out of the cage. He also left the basement door open when he went to the store. I proved just how strong I was when I got out of the cage and climbed the ladder out of the basement. It took me a few minutes to get used to light again but I managed. I knew I didn't have a lot of time and I had to get as far away from that place as possible, so that's what I did. I ran out the door and into the woods and didnt stop running until the sun had set completely leaving the woods pith black around me. I was used to the dark to I could see pretty well. I slowed down to a walk and find a cave that I stayed the night in. It was during that night that I realized that I wasn't going to be free of him, ever, I still had the memories of him in my mind. I shake my head at myself for letting the thought slip through. I head to my buddies house to start the hand to hand practice.
I finish my run and enter the house to find three mugs of coffee on the kitchen counter top. I take one of them and lean back on the counter top. Hank and Erin come down the stairs, Hank having already showered and dressed, Erin looking like she just got out of bed. I say good morning and head up for a shower. I head back into my room to get dressed and hear my phone ringing. I walk over to it and when I see the caller ID, a smile instantly crosses my face. I pick it up and answer it.
"Jay" The voice says
"Mouse"