Hold On Through The Dark

Chapter 8

"We were together. I forget the rest." Walt Whitman

written by: galindadaae

edited by: alliluna

The rest of the wedding breakfast had been a blur. There was a photographer to take pictures of them- quite a feat given the earth was covered in several inches of snow. Luckily, however, the snow stopped falling from the sky during the ceremony. The gray clouds cleared and gave way to blue sky and bright sunshine with a blanket of pure white to finish the idyllic scene. Matthew whispered something poetic about it in Mary's ear as they left the church.

Mary looked over at him- her husband, she reminded herself, and felt a smile playing at her lips. He was saying goodnight to their family before they left to retire for the night. He had a tiny bit of frosting in the corner of his mouth- undetectable to anyone but Mary- and she so desperately wanted to kiss it off and taste the sweetness. She might have then and there if she weren't convinced that it would give Granny a heart attack. She had to admit that she was getting anxious for their wedding night to begin. They had waited so long. Mary was ready to turn into a petulant child, pulling on his arm and demanding they leave so he could pay attention to her and only her.

After making sure that no one was behind them, Mary dropped her arm (which had been wrapped around his waist), and let her hand move slightly lower on his back than she had ever dared to before. He didn't falter a moment in his words to her sister, Sybil, but Mary could tell that her touch had an effect by just how red his cheeks got.

"I just wanted to thank you, Sybil, for always believing in Mary and me." Matthew said.

"Of course! Anyone with eyes could see that you were meant for each other." Mary smiled at the kindness from her sister.

"I'm just glad Matthew had the courage to come with me to the library that night." Mary looked at him. "But I think I'm ready to steal you away again tonight, if you don't mind parting with your adoring fans."

Matthew chuckled. "I don't think any father would be enthusiastic to hand his daughter over to her husband for a wedding night in his own home."

Mary scoffed. "We've been over this. We are in a separate wing from everyone else tonight. Everyone, even the servants, know to stay away after Anna and Molesley leave us." Matthew quirked his eyebrows suggestively at her, and she rolled her eyes in response. "It's not like we could have travelled anywhere tonight with all this snow."

He shrugged and glanced out the window. The white world glowed in the moonlight. "I think the snow has been a welcome addition to our day."

"As long as it doesn't turn gray and to slush in the morning when we leave on honeymoon."

"And you still won't tell me where we are going?"

"No. I'm quite proud of my surprise, so you must be patient and wait." She turned to announce their departure and found her family engrossed in conversation without the happy couple. She gasped as Matthew's hand now moved to apply a pleasing pressure to her lower back.

"Like how patient you were acting a minute ago?" He smirked.

"I'm allowed to touch my husband in any way I please," she retorted. She leaned in and whispered into his ear. "Anything is permitted." And she sighed for maximum desirable effect. His eyes went dark. Before she could get a word out he excused them and they headed to their own wing of Downton.

The eastern wing of Downton was mostly abandoned- and that was why Mary wanted it for tonight. It felt like new- or more accurately, new to her. She didn't feel like she was in her childhood home, but she wasn't uncomfortable either.

The dusty corridor was lined with candles. The light catching on the spiderwebs sent dappled patterns across the walls and their faces. If Matthew had looked at Mary's face in that moment he would have seen a beautiful combination of excitement and fear. What Matthew didn't realize was that his face was also the picture of fear mixed with pure anticipation. They reached the end of the hallway and turned towards each other.

"Well we should-"

"I just want to-"

They started and stopped at the same time. Any tension between them was broken. Their hands naturally intertwined. "You go," Mary said.

"I just want to tell you how much it means to me that you set this up."

"Well I definitely wasn't without my helpers," Mary jovially deflected, looking away.

"Really, Mary. When I enlisted, I knew there was a possibility that I was giving all of this up. Even when they said that this would 'all be over by Christmas' I knew then I could be one of the men who died. Thank you for giving me this gift." Mary looked down, not knowing what to say. "Thank you for being the gift I didn't know I needed back in 1912."

"God," she said, "If only we could have realized what we know now back then...we could have saved so much time."

"I wouldn't change a thing." Mary hoped he couldn't see her blush in the dim candlelight. But of course he did. Mathew always saw. She was his favorite subject to study, and he hated that she knew. Mary didn't need to know just how much power she had over him.

Her blush subsided, she turned away and walked across the hallway to the door. "I should get changed."

"And I look forward to it." He gave her one of his roguish grins, and her blush immediately returned.

"Off with you! Molesley will be waiting." He pouted slightly, like a spoiled child, then went to the door on his side of the hallway.

She closed the door behind her and immediately made eye contact with Anna. Mary wordlessly went over to the vanity so that Anna could ready her hair for bed. The hair pins accumulated in a bowl and Mary let herself relax for the first time that day.

Before she knew it, Anna had her hair plaited and she was standing in a negligee purchased for just this moment. It was made of the most delicate silk, with an empire lace bodice and cap sleeves. The fine silk fell widely around her, but allowed the outline of her body to be clearly seen.

"If I may say so, you look incredible, m'lady."

"Thank you, Anna. I hope Mr. Crawley thinks the same."

" Oh he will, m'lady." Mary gave her lady's maid a disapproving yet playful glance. "Will that be all, m'lady?"

"Yes Anna, thank you." Anna nodded pleasantly and left. Before she reached the door, Mary added, "For everything."

Anna looked back, and the women shared a smile. Mary knew that no matter how many friends came in and out of her life, Anna would be her most constant companion (at least if she had anything to say about it).

"Oh, and if Mr. Crawley is waiting, you can let him in. I don't feel a need to keep him in suspense."

Anna opened the door and looked back at Mary and smiled. She left, leaving the door open for Matthew to walk in. And he wouldn't be leaving until morning. Just the thought made her stomach tighten in anticipation.

Mary enjoyed watching him walk over to her; this was already a new level of intimacy for them. He looked like a schoolboy, nervous that he would be punished.

Matthew knew that she was probably just as nervous as she, and tried to break the silence. "Good evening, wife." The word rolled off his tongue so casually, and yet he could not even believe that he was saying it.

Mary played along, curtseying. "And good evening to you, husband." Matthew walked over and grabbed her hand, lightly pressing his lips to her skin. It was deliciously soft. He always found more ways to be intoxicated by her. What he didn't realize was that she was equally intoxicated by him. His lips on her stirred something deep inside, an arousal she hadn't yet known she was capable of. Of course he had kissed her hand before, but it was never so erotic. Here, in their bedroom for the evening, in their own private wing of Downton, with nothing to distract them or pull them apart. Here, in their nightwear, which they both knew was soon to be gone. Matthew removed his lips from her hand only to kiss her again higher on her wrist. He smiled against her skin when he heard her surprised gasp. He always thought that Mary would be as dominant in their married life as she was to the rest of the world. But he was quickly finding out that wasn't the case. He had finally broken through the mystery and cold exterior of Lady Mary Crawley.

He continued kissing his way up her arm until he reached the crook of her neck. Mary's gasps turned into the lightest moan. This invigorated Matthew and he moved them towards the bed. When he pushed forward Mary's heels hit the bedframe and she fell backwards. She let out a yelp and hid her face in the comforter.

"Mary, I'm so sorry...I didn't realize!" When Mary's face didn't reappear from the bed coverings, he started to get nervous. "Oh no, I've made a mess of everything." He felt absolutely dreadful when he heard shuddering breaths. Not only did she fall, but he embarrassed her and now she was crying. He felt like a fool.

When Mary looked back up at him, she was surprised to see that instead of joy on his face there was disappointment. Matthew was surprised to see joy on her face instead of disappointment.

"Were you laughing?"

"Of course I was laughing!"

"Because of my incompetence?"

"Because I tripped. You have to admit, it's a little funny." He didn't look convinced. She huffed a sigh of impatience and pulled him down on the bed to kiss her properly. "There. Nothing to fuss about. I still want you," she smiled. "And I hope you still want me."

"That is the one thing of which I am certain at this moment." His fingers moved to fiddle with the end of her braid. His lower lip was pushed out in a pout. Mary said nothing, but moved her hands to meet his before making quick work of the ribbon at the end of her hair. Her hair fanned out on the bed, and Matthew was enchanted. In the moonlight, she looked like a siren made just to tempt him into improper actions. He let himself be tempted by her. Like she said earlier that night- all things were permitted.

He kissed her chest before trying to remove her negligee- but she stopped him.

"Not so fast! I think you need to get out of that robe before you try to get me naked and quivering before you."

"As that is the way I prefer you, I shall remove said robe." He got off her to untie his belt.

Mary slapped his arm lightly. "Matthew Crawley! Who knew you were secretly such a rogue!"

"Who knew you were such a temptress, Lady Mary?" Matthew immediately regretted that sentence as he saw Mary's smile fade.

"I would say most of London knows- or think they know- what I am. Though temptress is a nicer word than what they used." Matthew grimaced. It seemed all he was doing tonight was making missteps (literally and figuratively). He sat on the bed next to Mary, and felt relieved when she didn't shrug away. "I thought I would be fine tonight. I thought...I don't know what I thought." She had a tear run down her face and she turned to face him. His hand came up to wipe the tear, but as he went to pull away, she held his hand to cup her cheek. "I just want you to know that the only man I've ever wanted to be a temptress to is you."

"Oh Mary. I don't question your character like those fools in London. Even if you had wanted to tempt someone else, all that matters is that it's only us from now on. I'd rather be last than first." He looked into her eyes, praying she would see the truth in them. He didn't know if she found it, but either way, she moved their hands to her lap.

"Darling you are first, last, and will be everything in between- though I appreciate your words more than I can express." This time, Mary leaned in to kiss him.

There was nothing keeping them apart anymore. No more talk of entails, heirs, or Downton. Mary knew that they would fight-after all, he was the most stubborn person she had ever met. And she wasn't exactly docile either. Neither of them were ever to be outmatched. And based on the sensations Mary and Matthew were currently feeling, that would translate to their marriage bed as well.

After, the new lovers lay curled together in the bed. They were deliriously on the edge of sleep, and their hands were moving constantly against one another.

"I never knew you had such light hair on your chest." She pushed back into Matthew before she flipped over, making him groan. Mary found her face nestled in Matthew's chest, and pecked him there before pecking him right below his jaw.

"It doesn't look particularly manly, does it?"

"Trust me, you look plenty manly to me. You've definitely proven your manliness tonight." They both chuckled, a pleasant silence falling over them.

"It's amazing how you think you know someone so well…" Matthew trailed off.

"But you keep finding new things to love about them? I know the feeling." Mary laid her head on Matthew's chest, just allowing herself to listen to his breathing. Matthew was overwhelmed by Mary's openness. He felt incredibly privileged to finally see this side of her- the side of her that existed before the talk of entails and enticing husbands. The side that let him know just how much she loved him. He had never felt so secure in his love for his wife until this moment, and he knew (or at least hoped) their journey as husband and wife was just beginning.

"We should probably go to sleep," Mary said, holding back a yawn. "We have a train to catch tomorrow."

"Ah, yes, the mystery locale." Matthew's hand grazed Mary's inner thigh and heard her sharp inhale. "But maybe we don't go to sleep quite yet?" He looked at her, silently asking her consent.

Before she pulled him to her she said, "I'm sure we can nap on the train."

They didn't get much sleep.

Congrats for making it to the end of this chapter! It has indeed been a year and a half since our last update- but don't worry! Alli and I are still working on this story. We are both in college juggling a million things- but we still make time for MM when we can.

If you're still with us, reviewing and reading- thank you! It means the world!

This chapter is pretty short- but the next chapters should cover more ground and thus be longer.

Lizzy and Alli