Disclaimer:
All recognizable characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I do not make money from this.

Chapter 10: Pain

I wouldn't cry.

At least not until I made it back home.

I had one fucking job and I couldn't even do that. The pack was depending on me and I did nothing except make it worse. He hated me. He made that very clear. I looked into those cold, soulless eyes and only saw the hatred he held deep within him.

I didn't fucking ask for this. I didn't come here for this. This was exactly the bullshit Stella warned me about. Maybe not the supernatural stuff, but the heartache. I should have never gone to that bar. I should have never gotten involved. I should have left the past in the past. Nothing I do now will every make him the same. Nothing I do would ever change the way I handled things five years go. He would never forget.

I slammed my front door shut behind me and I fucking lost it. I collapsed onto my knees like a fucking wuss and cried. Hard.

I never thought I would have that anger and hatred directed at me. I had to go and open up my mouth in a place I had no business ever doing that. I challenged him for no fucking reason other than to prove a stupid point. I hated the way he looked at me and spoke to me. The way he just disregarded my presence. He didn't give a shit about me. And why should he? But fuck all if I didn't let him know that wasn't okay with me. But at what price? He hated me even more now.

I should have let the past stay the past. Imprint or not I should have let it rest. He didn't want the imprint. He didn't want me. And there was nothing I could do to change that. I could be the submissive little wife he wanted. I could. He could tell me what to do, yell at me, slap me around. I could let him do that. The old Bella would have. But not anymore. It wasn't in my nature. I didn't live to serve him or anyone. I wasn't going to let him drag me down. He made his choices. I need to let him live with them. That sweet young Jacob. That Jacob who laughed and joked with me all those years ago. That asshole that fought for my heart all those years ago. That sunny boy was gone. And it was my fault.

I bawled my eyes out on the hardwood floor, the feeling of having my heart clawed out settled deep within me.

/

I laid like a ragdoll, limp and sad as hell, on the ground. Luckily Charlie was still at work and I could just lay there in peace.

It had been minutes or hours. All I could tell was I had cried every ounce of water out of my body. My eyes were sore and swollen. My throat felt scratched and raw. My body felt as though I ran home instead of drove. I felt as though I had cotton shoved into my sinuses. My head was pounding. All because Jacob Black didn't want me. It was the most disorienting feeling to see the matured face of your ex-best friend look at you as if you were nothing.

Five years of hard work were swept away with the pouring rain.

In just a matter of a few hours my self-worth plummeted down to zero. All because of a boy. Stella was going to kill me.

Oh look, another tear leaked out of me. And with it, my dignity.

/

I must have dozed off like the pathetic little piece of shit I was because I woke to the sound of scratching. Something hard was scratching. Like nails on a chalkboard.

The pain in my chest had subsided. But, that fucking noise was grating at my already raw nerves.

I lifted my head, and the room spun around me. The light was dim in the entry way. It was getting late. I had to make dinner for Charlie. I had to-

The fucking scratching. It was coming from the kitchen.

My eyes, still swollen peered into the tilted entry way of the kitchen. Something was blocking the light from leaking in from the back door.

I shakily lifted myself to my knees. I forgot I didn't eat this morning because of my nervous stomach. My body felt like shit. My neck was aching. My back was shot.

I slowly pushed myself up and used the wall for support until I was finally standing upright.

It kept fucking scratching.

Whatever it was, I hoped it put me out of my misery.

I shuffled slowly to the back door, my knees wobbling. My blood sugar was so low. The pounding in my head got worse as I kept walking. I needed to eat and quick.

I squinted as the dim light of dusk leaked into the kitchen, but only partly.

My eyes adjusted to the light and there was the source of the scratching.

Jacob's wolf was standing right outside my door. His horsed sized body was dominating the small porch. He whined loudly when he finally saw me, scratching at the door, and shaking it in its hinges. Fuck. Charlie was going to think a bear was trying to get in or something.

I quickly unlocked the door and pulled it open. He whined again and tried to shove his massive shoulders through the frame but there was no way he would fit.

"Shhh," I crooned and dug my fingers into the fur of his neck. "It's okay. I'm here," I said gently and began to coax him back onto the porch.

He whined deeply as he slowly took steps back, his warm lupine eyes caressing me. He looked so worried.

He slowly backed off the porch and into the grass. I watched him as he took a few steps away from me and bowed like he did only a few days before. My wolf.

My throat tightened at him as he lowered himself on his belly and watched me intently, desperate for me to approach him.

"Jake," I choked out. "I don't want to see you," I sniffled and scrubbed off the tears that wouldn't quit.

He whined at that and fought to stay on his belly. He was panicking.

I couldn't resist him. When he was here, all I wanted was to be in his embrace. I went to him and dropped onto my knees in the damp grass. I buried my hands in this thick fur and pressed my forehead to his. I breathed in his rich, pine scent. The scent enveloped me and embraced me. The blanket of Jacob. It scratched the itch. Soothed the burn. Doused the flames. I took a deep breath.

He grumbled softly as I rubbed his thick fur. He began to sniff along my stomach, up my chest, and rooted into my neck. I giggled softly as he placed warm, wet licks across my neck and cheek.

"Jacob," I laughed and tried to push his huge head away. He sniffed deeply in my hair, making it more of a rat's nest. "Stop it. I'm supposed to be mad at you," I grinned as he continued to scent and lick me.

"Jacob," I sighed and rubbed behind his ears. "Why is your human such an ass?" I grumbled.

He coughed out a sound that might have been a laugh.

I giggled as he shoved his huge snout against my stomach making me wobble and clutch onto him before I fell on my butt. "Hey," I laughed and flicked his soft, floppy, ear.

I couldn't help but smile. Wolf Jacob was more like the Jacob I remembered. Warm, sweet, and silly. And human Jacob seemed more animal.

He had his eyes closed as he continued to nuzzle his big nose along my skin. For just a little while, I couldn't remember the pain or heartache from earlier. I only cared that Jacob was with me. I felt whole and solid.

Then, without warning, Jacob perked up and jumped up to his feet and backed away from me. I caught myself on my hands before I fell onto the grass. He began to lope away towards the trees. He stopped and looked back at me as I stared at him confused. He let out another bark sound and gestured with his nose toward the house. He wanted me to go inside.

I nodded and woodenly lifted onto my feet and slowly backed up towards the house. I didn't want him to leave. Not so soon. My wolf.

"Will you come back?" I whispered.

He snuffed in response and wagged his tail. I guess that was a yes?

He waited as I made my way to the back door before disappearing into the dense forest.

/

I shut the backdoor in a daze.

My heart ached. Not from the pain form earlier today, but from Jacob having to leave. I wanted to be with him. His comfort was addictive. He soothed every pain and anxiety. The sense of calm I experienced with him was unlike anything else. I couldn't imagine living without that comfort. I needed him. My wolf.

I crumbled onto a kitchen chair. I was a fucking mess.

Moments later Charlie walked in. "Hey, kiddo," he said casually as he shed his holster and jacket.

"How was your-" He stopped short as he looked at me from the door way.

I looked up at him. I really didn't want to know what I looked like.

"Uh, you okay?" he asked, surveying my slouched position at the table.

I nodded and swallowed, my throat was on fire. I was so dehydrated and just drained.

"What did you do today?" Concern was etched across his face. I could tell I probably looked insane.

"I saw Jacob," I croaked out.

"Jacob?" he asked in disbelief.

I nodded again.

He looked over me again. "Did he hurt you? Or uh…"

I honestly had no idea how to answer that. I couldn't find an answer for that. He hurt me, but then made it better? What the fuck.

He took my silence as an answer. "You want to talk about it?"

I shook my head.

He nodded and took a deep breath.

"Want me to pick up something from the diner?" he asked gently.

I nodded.

A/N: TBC...