SBIGlets
Chapter 8: AMC Presents: The Walking Meth: Part 2
Beginning AN:
This was coming along slowly at first but then I just sort of got this weird writing spark and plowed through the end. I hope this isn't that obvious.
Anyway, speaking of the obvious, in case the title wasn't a clue, this is the direct followup to Walking Meth Part 1. So uh, you should probably read that before this.
...
And screw it. Read that "Intermission" too. Trust me.
Oh no I forgot to go to Bathing Fours this year. ...Meh. I don't think I ever really planned it to be one of my growing 'at least yearly things.'
And obviously: This is primarily a fanfic of: Breaking Bad
"Okay I saved you." Said Saul to Walter and Jesse. "So you're a pair of meth cooks?"
"I'm not just one of 'these' meth cooks, I AM THE METH COOK!" Walker shouted. "A meth GOD actually!"
"Okay you'll probably like working with this guy named Gud Fring. He can be your new meth distributor."
Saul teleported out of the room. Walt snickered.
"He thinks he'll be my boss but I'll make HIM MY boss!"
Sop they were at Los Pollos Hermanos next and Walt was shocked. It had a sign reading "CHICKEN AND ONLY CHICKEN NOTHING ELSE IS SOLD HERE."
"WOW!" He shouted. "THIS IS A METH JOINT?! I WOULD HAVE NEVER THOUGHT!"
Oh yeah and Gus was there. "I don't like the sarcasm." He said.
"That wasn't sarcasm."
"Oh so you're just an idiot then. Well, whatever, I don't need you to know anything other than cooking meth. So, cook meth for us, and you get paid."
"How much of the cut?"
"That surprisngly depends on how good you are with the meth."
"Oh I'm the BESST!"
"We'll see about that."
"Okay wow it turns out you are the best." Gus said. "This Sky Blue Blue Sky is really good!"
"Yeah I told you."
"Most people tell me that but they usually just have big egoes. You have a big ego too but your meth is actually good. I'll give you... an 80% cut."
"Make it 99 and you have a deal."
"79."
"109."
"That's physically impossible how am I going to give you all the money and an extra nine percent?"
"How should I know I'm a chemist not a mathist."
"You need to be a mathist to be a chemist."
"No not really. For example calculus. What kind of derivatives do you need to take? Speed and acceleration? That's physics dumbass, not chemisty."
"Okay well I can't really argue with success with how good this meth is, please just don't ask for too much. 81 percent and that's final."
"YES! Another victory for Walter White! I got you to raise my cut by 1 percent!"
"Out of pity for your stupidity."
"I was just PRETENDING to be stupid!"
"No you weren't. You only think you're pretending to be stupid."
Burn.
Oh wait that didn't spoil Gus' canon death that was an explosion not a burn.
Some drug guy went to Los Pollos Hermanos.
"Hello welcome to Los Pollos Hermanos!" Said Mike, in a chicken suit. He was sunding cheerful but he had a look on his face that said "OH GOD END IT!" He was this way because he did something to make Gus mad. "Would you like the chikccen or the 'chicken.'"
"'Chicken.'" Replied the Drug Guy. "The one with quote marks."
"Okay well when it comes to 'chicken' we have a lot of colors of it. There's amber 'chicken' that gives you the power to warm things up. Purple 'chicken' lets you travel through time. And the sky blue 'chicken' is in really high quality, it will gve you a good feeling."
"Oh. Obvously sky blue, then."
"Okay."
So Mike gave the Drug Guy a bag that said 'TOTALLY CHICKEN NOTHING TO SEE HERE' and it turned out Drug Guy was... FINALL BOSS JACK!
So Walt and Jesse were in Gus' lab cooking meth.
"Okay Jesse there's some rules to this." Said Walt. "Rule 1, keep this clean. No contanimants.'
"Isn't it 'don't talk about meth club?" Said Jesse.
"I hate that stupid fucking joke but actually that's a good rule, we can't let Andrea know that you're a meth cook, Jane and your friends Combo Badger and Skinny Pete they're fine but FUCK Andrea should probably be kept in the dark she's a recoverer and she might do something bad to us."
"Hm."
"Think of it this way though you can roleplay Romeo and Juliet."
"How does that work?"
"I don't know I've never watched that cartoon."
"It's not a cartoon. It's a book." Jesse sighed.
"Proof that I didn't watch it."
"Fair."
"I am fair. Unless to my enemies."
Saul teleported in to their Lab.
"HEY! DON'T CONTAMINATE THIS PLACE!" Walt said.
"Okay, constructive criticism time." Saul said. He held up a bag that had NOT METH written on it in capital bold black letters. "What is this?"
"This is nnot meth." Walt replied.
"I'm not falling for that. Don't label your meth 'not meth,' pick something less suspicious!"
"No, no, no, I mean it. This is not meth. We put the meth in these when we sell them."
He lifted a bag that said METH.
Saul looked uncomfortable. "...So what's in the bag?"
"I told you. Not meth."
"Bombs." Jesse explained because Walt couldn't fucking understand excatly what Saul was trying to know.
"So you put weapons in a bag, and say that the bag doesn't have meth in it."
"Well it's honest at least." Walt chuckled because he loved to lie a lot. Especially to his wife who he hates.
"...Where do I even begin?! That's such a stupid way of-!"
"No, you see, I'm clever. I am the greatest chemist in the world. So naturally I'm better than some generic drug dealers. I have a strategy where I use my not meth as bombs. That is not meth. I say that, and then I blow shit up."
Saul blinked. "No. I'm out."
Then he teleported away.
"HAHA! Now we're alone again! And so we can scheme on taking over Gus and topping him! I'm gonna be ON HIS ASS SO FUCKING HARD! POUND his ass in to submission!"
He chuckled to hismelf.
Then Gus broke down the door.
"EVERYBODY THERE'S A SHOOTOUT! THE RIVAL DRUG GANG IS FIGHTING US!"
"This place is a huge empire!" Walt said. "How can we have a rival?!"
"You should come and see." Gus said threateningly.
Some druggies dealers were shooting at the chicken place, which had tank turrets shooting back. (Because this was a chicken restaurant - actually it was a meth restaurant pretending to be a chicken restaurant - the tanks had chikcne design.)
Marie was also there and was caught in the crossfire.
"AH!" She screamed, ducking under a table. "HELP! PREFERABLY FAST, THERE'S A LOT OF GUM UNDER THE TABLES AND IT'S DISGUSTING!"
Walt was within hearing range and that gave him an idea. "Gum under tables... I wonder if meth under the table can-"
"NO." Jesse told him. "No, that's too far. It's disgusting. Also, ssave Marie."
"No. Why should I?"
"Because...? It's nice?"
"Oh yeah good point I am the good guy doing this for my family. And I guess Marie is my family... fucking in-laws..."
So then he lept in to action! Walt ate Crystal Meth (no wait that's the name for meth in general, METAL METH) and then turned metal and the metal box theme from Super Mario 3D All-Stars began playing as he was able to not get shot by the bullets (well he was shot by the bullets they just bounced off and didn't hurt). He lifted the table up and shielded himself so that Marie wasn't shot but instead it was Walt whose bullets can't hurt.
"You're safe." He said. But because he was Walter Metal (not a typo that's the name for Metal Walter White because he's not white-skinned his skin is metal) it had that weird filter that made him sound like he's drowning.
Then he looked at the enemies. They were more generic gas msk people. But one of them pointed a gun at Gus.
"STOP PLEASE I'M JUST AN INNOCENT CHICKEN-SELLER!" Said Gus. He was lying, obviously. He's actually a meth kingpen.
But he fell for it. He lowered his gun.
"Okay we'll talk."
"Good."
But then Gus just shot him!
"Are you okay?" Gus asked Marie.
"No! People DIED in front of me!"
"Well people die whether in front of you or not."
"But I'd rahter they not!"
"That's kind of selfish don't you think?"
"Hm... I guess you're right..."
Walt was annoyed. Gus, his 'boss,' being right? Hell no! Walt was the right one! He was the Kingpen!
(Next Mission)
"Walt you have a mission." Said Gus.
"What is it?! Killing the next-biggest drug empire?"
"Just keep keeping the Lab clean no contanimants."
He didn't like that.
"You sure you don't want me to kill anything?"
"Um, if any racoon or badger or skunk gets in, kill that."
"What if a person gets in? Would that be a contaminant?"
"Yeah sure but no you're not an assassin for hire, you're a cook. The most important part of the meth thing. Because you're the meth creator."
"Your'e goddamn right."
"Now, make sure that meth is clean. Or else - well I won't fire you unless you fuck up really bad I depend on a good cook."
Then he left.
A fly knocked on the door to Los Pollos Hermanos.
"I AM THE ONE WHO KNOCKS!" Walt shouted back at the fly.
The fly didn't say anything because flies don't talk. Maybe not even Meth Flies, I don't really know how meth works (you can probably tell from all the scientific inaccuracies in this, and especially in Part 1 before things got better LOL).
Walt began shooting at the door by where the fy was. Because it was a fly, it could fly away from the bullets, and then go through the bullet hole and in to Los Pollos Hermanos.
"Oh no JESSE DON'T LET IT GET IN THE LAB?!"
"Did you say 'don't let it get in the lab' or 'let it get in the lab' Mr. White?" Haha Jesse's dumb.
"Don't."
"Okay I didn't." He locked the door.
But the Fly was still flying around Los Pollos Hermanos. Just not the meth lab.
"OH NO WE CAN'T LET IT GET TO THE METH LAB!" Shouted Walter White.
"Don't worry it's just messing around with the chicken." Said Jesse.
"BUT THAT'S ALSO BAD! GUS HATES IT WHEN HISCHICKEN IS RUINED!"
"Don't worry I'll call my friends to kill it."
"Please don't."
So he got on his phone.
(Jess'e Crew Hangout)
Skinny Pete opened the phone. Oh, I mean answer. But wait, they use flip-phones because they're cheap and easy to kill, so I guess opened works. He opened the phone and then answered.
"Hello?" He said.
"I need you to kill a fly."
"OKAY ON IT!"
"BRING BADGER AND COMBO AND JANE TOO."
"OKAY."
"BUT NOT ANDREA."
"FUCK IA LREADY DID."
"DAMMIT!" Said Walter White, off the phone. "It's bad enough that I have to kill the fly before it gets in the LAb, but I also have to do it before Badger and the Fuckballs do it! So now I'm on two time limits and I don't know which one is worse so I must be double fast!"
And so he was! He ran but faster than he would under just one time limit so on his run he kept knocking over chickens and stuff and broke the cash register and then he got what he was looking form, a baseball glove so that he could have a bigger hand radius to catch the fly.
"FUCK YOU FLY!" Walt shouted.
He swatted but it wasn't swatted the fly flew away. And he swatted again and couldn't get it. Then the fly flew out the window.
"YOU'RE NOT GETTING AWAY WITH ALMOST CONDIMENTING MY LAB YOU CUCK!" He shouted as he climbed out the window and ate Laser Meth so that he had Laser Vision.
Walt ran across the desert of New Mexico chasing the fly but could not kill it, it had Masterful Dodging Skills and kept dodging his laser eye breams. He also took Flash Meth (not to be confused with Flasher Meth which gives you the compulsion to flash people, but he had some of that in his pocket just in case) that gave him super speed so he could run fast and keep up with the fly.
Little did Walter White know however that the fly was just a security guard distraction and the real plan all along was to have lots of flies break in and party. They flew in to the lab but first Jesse asked "Hey are any of you the fly Mr. White was looking for" and one of them said "Why do all flies look alike that's racist, no, the fly you're looking for had short antenna and pinkisher eyes than any of our eyes and a big one of those things flies used to drink." Jesse not wanting to be racist said "Okay I'm sorry." The fly said "How about you come to learn our fly culutre and become more sensitive?"
But anyway the flies flew to the meth lab and went "Oh SHIT that's some good stuff!" And cracked open the cans of meth and ate it and threw a party. It was then that Badger and the Gang arrived and saw Jesse partying with flies and had fun too but not before Badger threw Andrea out the window to not see the relapsing. The flies called in Fly Hookers and the humans called in Human Hookers too and they were getting crazy.
Meanwhile however Walt was not partying hard or not even partying at all. He was chasing down the fly with his superspeed. And his superspeed brought him to a Georgia Atlantic Ocean Beach. (Hey I want to use all the states here, I already used California with The Eds' EDventure, Oregon is where the Gravity Falls ones take place, and I think I used Washiongton before... it's John Egbert's home at least, although the two big Homestuck ones are in Texas and Illiois.) But anyway, THIS IS A BEACH EPISPODE!
The people at the beach WERE partying.
"EVERYBODY STOP!" Shouted Walt. "This fly is ruining the great image of I, Heisenberg AKA Walter Hartwell White, meth kingpin! I need to stop him or-"
"Hey that's illegal." Said a cop.
"What being a meth Kingpim?" He asked her.
"No- well that is but it's not importnat - being not naked right now! This is a nude beach! Clothing NOT OPTIONAL." The cop was naked too!
"Okay." Walt began stripping down and got naked.
Oh yeah the partying people were naked.
"NOW I MUST KILL THE FLY!" He shouted.
Mike was there. (The thing with Jack happened a long time ago, there wasa timeskip of about a few months.) And Felicia. This is where you should have read the "Intermision" chapter before this. They exist n he same universe and it ends with the Walking Meth stuff showing up.
"Wait what are you doing out here?" Mike asked.
Walk looked suspicious. "What are you doing out here then?" He asked.
"I was sent here on a mission. Gus told me your mission, to just stay at the Lab and protect it from contaminants. You're not doing that."
"Fuck."
Walt turned at Felicia and was annoyed. "What's with kitty titty over here?"
"That's Felicia." Replied Mike. "She has no idea we're a meth business. She kills Drug People for me. I tell them they're ruthless killers, and that's technically right, they kill people for drugs."
"You're a... METH BUSINESS?!" Asked Felicia. "That sounds shady!"
"No, it's no shady because I work for them, and I AM THE GOOD GUY!" Walt shouted.
"Oh, alright, you're the good guy so that makes sense. I mean you look like a good guy."
"You're damn right I look good!" He put his hands on his hips and posed sexily like a Greek God. "I'm fucking SEXXXY! With three Xes!"
"...Look I think Gus wants the two of you together on a mission or something. He was implying it."
"Fuck off Mike."
"I don't think Gus is perfect either."
"Oh, so we can team up."
"Yeah... I'll think."
He really wishes he had Sual to teleport him out of there. Mike was also wearing clothes at the nudist beach to not look as suspicious as Walt. Felicia sadly was 'wearing' her fur stripes since she got away with it not technically beng clothes, but not for modesty she just felt comfortable and when asked about it and she said she was naked she didn't really get the whole 'clothing optional' thing, it was a comedic misunderstanding.
"So what can we do?" Asked Walt.
"Uh."
Meanwhile, back at the Lab.
Someone broke down the door with his foot!
It was a man, but he looked bug-like! He had... uhm... dark green? Skin? Aren't flies like kinda greenish up close or is that some other bug? Blue? Dark gray-blue. He had dark gray-blue skin. And along with normal if red eyes he had giant compound eyes or something on his head, like a fly's eyes. And he had wings on his back, fly wings.
Surprise he was a fly person. Also he was buff, tall, and naked but had no penis he looked like a ken doll. Do bugs have penises? I have a fear pof bugs so I don't want to Google that. I know birds and fish don't though so I assume mammals are the odd ones out and one of the few with normal penises, so it's scienfitically accurate to say that he has no penis.
"I AM FLY BOY!" He shouted. "I WILL TAKE YOU OVER WITH FLIES!"
"What are you gonna comit over my food?" Asked Badget.
"Um no. We're more 'boy' than 'fly.'" He's called Fly Boy instgead of Fly Man because this is a parody of One Punch Man's Nosquito Girl, who is called Mosquito Girl and not Mosquito Woman. She's fucking hot so I decided to make a guy fucking hot and naked for equality because when One Punch Man had a naked guy it's just usually ugly. Aside from when Sonic slipped out of his clothes to fight the Seaman. It's sexist okay to have the men ugly but the women not, like are you saying men are ugly? I'm sure as FUCK not! I'm dead sexy! "Vomitting is not a very boy thing to do. But uh, I don't like you. So."
Then he whistled, and all the fleies that gathered around the place had laughed at the group for thinking that the humans could trust them, but they were really working for Fly Boy.
"NOOOOO! THE FLIES LIED TO ME!" Jesse shouted.
"Well 'fly' rhymes with 'lie' so that's foreshadowing." Said and laughed Badger while he was high.
"Rhyming doesn't foreshadow that's racist against the flies." Said Jeese.
"I MUST KILL ALL HUMANS BECAUSE HUMANS SUCH!" Said the Fly Boy.
"Humans don't suck that's racist BACK screw you bitch!"
And Jesse was also mad! Mad at the betrayal, and mad at the racistm! He charged at Fly Boy with avenging intend and screamed his special move:
"STONER SECRET ATTACK!"
And then Jesse
junmped on Fly Boy's head and got on his shoulders and was crushing his head with his thighs!
"HA HA! You see, that won't work fgor two reasons! ONe, that is my fetish! And two, I can fly!"
He began to take off and flew, and he was flying out of the Lab and out of the Los Pollos Hermanos and went to the sky.
Jesse was screaming and crying as he was lifted in the air.
"NOW ALL I HAVE TO DO IS DROP YOU AND YOU'LL DIE!"
"BUT I COULD DROP YOU AND YOU'LL DIE BITCH!"
"BUT I'M THE ONE FLYING!"
"BUT HOW DO YOU FLY WHEN YOUR WINGS ARE TOO SMALL BITCH?!"
Then he realized that and they both fell from the sky.
"WAIT! However bees do it! According to all known laws of aviation-"
"Oh fuck off with your Bee Movie meme bullshit." Said Jesse. "For the love of god, don't you dare copy-paste the entire script of the movie. I will throw a shitfit and cut you in half."
"Well either way I can fly so fuck you. Also I flew before, what do you think this is a carton where you say you can't do something and it won't happen? Does this look like Spongebob with Water on Fire and they say ""But we're underwater and then it doens't?"
While he was overexplaining that, he didn't re-fly again, and he and Jesse crashed. But thankfully it was in a lake in the desert. (Los Pollos Hermanos was out in the middle of a desert, it was to look not suspicious.) You know that if you land in a lake from any height it's safe.
Unfortunately they were in the midde of the lake and Jesse needed to swim out.
"OH BITCH I'M DROWINING!" He said.
"Hey 'bitch' means dog and dogs are natural swimmers, that sentence isn't speciesally accurate." Said Fly Boy. "Also I can fly out of the water."
Jesse smirked and pointed at him. "BUT NOT IF YOU WAVE WET WINGS!"
He looked at Jesse. "Oh yeah are you sure about that? I can DRY THEM!"
"How?!"
"WE'RE ARE IN A DESERT YOU DUMB STONER FUCK1"
And then wind blew. It was like a hair dryer for wings!
"Life hack." Said Jesse. "Instead of wasting a money buying hairdryers, just go out to the desert and blow a fan on your head."
So Fly Boy flew up, and he took out a remote and pressed a button.
"NOW THE NEXT PART OF MY PLAN IS AT FOOT! OR SHOULD I SAY AT WING! FLY STORM, COME IN!"
It looked like black clouds were looming in over the horizon-
Oh no that's not clouds THAT'S A SHITLOAD OF FLIES! Fly Boy was like Lord of the Flies but not the book there is no kids murdering eachother.
Jesse screamed and tried swimming away.
BUT THEN A DESERT LAKE SHARK CAME OUT AND ATE HIM! (It's freshwater. (Sandwater?))
"ARGH NO!{" Shouted Jesse. "I WISH I JUMPED THE SHARK!"
Hey Breaking Bad stayed good from beginning to end it never jumped the shark except that stupid Fly filler episode (this is why I decided to "Fix" Fly by making it really important to the plot here) so that should be a complim,ent. Just let the shark eat you you whiny bitch. Oh right I forgot something:
Jesse said a "BITCH!" at the end of that.
But thankfully Badger was around to save the day! He was riding around on a jetski (this isn't an asspull, he bought it because of the meth party with hookers and cocaine, although why would there be cocane when there's already meth I don't get it, but anyway aren't jetskis like expsensive stuff you get I mean there was an episode of King of the Hill that did that) and then saw Jesse being attacked by the shark.
"I'LL JUMP THE SHARK!" Said Badger.
"NO DON'T JUMP THE SHARK! RAM IN TO THE SHARK!"
"LOOK AT ME I'M THE FONZ AND THE FONZ IS COOL SO LOOK AT ME I'M COOL, MY MOM WAS WRONG! :) ... :("
"OH BADGER YOU ARE SO DUMMMMMNNNBBB!"
And then the jetski crashed oon the shark and exploded and both Jesse and Badger were sent flying outside of the lake. Jesse was spinning with his arms out too like in the movies.
They landed on the sand butthe shark was still made at them!
"I WILL SWEAR REVENGE!" He said. "EVEN IF IT MEANS FOLLOWING YOU TO A DIFFERENT COUNTRY!"
That may sound like a randomly specific threat, but it's actually foreshadowing for something in the third and final part! (And yes it will be the final part this will not How I Met Your Mother in to like nine seasons.) Yep, a road trip!
Well it's more like a plane trip. But it isn't. Fuck I'm spoiling again.
"Now what?" Asked Badger.
"Well for starters that fucking Fly Man is still alive-"
"FLY BOY!"
"No I don't wanat to sound like a pedo."
"BUT IT IS MY NAME AND NOW I'M PISSED OFF! FLIES! KILL THEM WHILE I CONVENIENTLY RUN OFF AND JUST IGNORE YOU LIKE IN THE AUSTIN POWES MOVIES!" Pointing out your flaws is better than fixing them. Again.
But nayway Jesse and Badger had flies chasing after them.
Meanwhile, Wlat wasn't doing too much better at the beach.
"You're not needed here." Said Mike. "Go away."
"Of course I'm needed here! Or, if a person doesn't think I'm needed it's because I'm their enemy!"
"God how fucking ego are you?!"
"It's not ego, if it is FACT!" Walk pumped his arms in the air!
Then he spotted something. A crowd of flies!
"What the hell is that?" Asked Mike.
"I think it's flies."
"I can see that I'm pretty sure I have better vision than you. But I mean WHY flies?"
"BECAUSE OF ME! FLY BOY!"
It was Fly Boy! He flew in and had his own army of flies! They flw to Georgia!
"How did he get there so fast?" You might ask. Well, because normal flies are fast so IMAGINE A FLY WITH A CAR! Actually no he stole some Spring Green Meth which lets you teleport. That was the important part of him getting in to the Lab by the way.
"I AM THE LORD OF THE FLIES!" Fly Boy said.
"WELL I AM THE LORD OF THE HUMANS!" Walt replied. Mike just shook his head. "I HAVE METH!"
"I know. I stole it and ate it."
"Wait a minute, you..." And hen Walt made that shocked face from Ozzy Man.
"THIEF!"
Walt whipped out his emergency Laser Meth (is that was it was called from Part 1? Shit I need to reread that) and ate it, and began by firing laser beams over at Fly Boy.
"DIE!" sHOUTED wALT.
"How do you kill me with lasers when YOU CAN'T EVEN SHOOT FLIES, AND LASERS ARE HARDER TO HIT FLIES WITH THAN GUNS!"
Walt growled. Meanwhile, Mike got a phone call.
"WHAT THE FUCK I AM DEALING WITH THE SALAMANCAS MY RIVALS AND I HEAR THAT THERE IS SOME FLIES TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD TOO?!" Gus asked Mike. Oh yeah, it was Gus.
"I'll handle it." Said Mike.
"No he won't." Saul telepoted over just to lean in to the phone and say that. Mike looked over at Saul and Saul gave him a Shady Smirk.
"Don't." Said Mike.
"What about, 'do?'"
Mike looked at him and he teleported away. Sighing, he got a gun out.
"Let's shoot him together. We need to team up."
"No my ego just won't fucking allow that." Walt replied. "I can get him by myself. Especially with..."
He reached in his pocket for the SECRET kind of meth.
It was... DUN-DUN DUN DUUUUUUN! SUPERMETH!
Meth that had red, white, and blue and yellow like Superman's outfit. He ate it and then he started strpping down. (Again he put on his cothes when the flies attacked.) MNot like a stripper he was just taking off his clothes, Walter White doesn't pole dance. I think I haven't actually read Breaking Bad I just watched summaries on Wikipedia.
"I swear to fucking god if you get in your underwear because 'that's what it looks like Superman wears' and put on some cape I will just fuking quit right now." Said Mike.
"No I have to be completely naked for this." Said Walt. "This and Black Meth. The former would overheat me to death if I'm not naked, the latter... well, you don't want to know about the Black Meth."
And then he got completely naked and ate it and then an S appeared on his chest. "Okay it's time." He said.
He flew up in the air-
And then Felicia just jumped on his back a little ways in to the flying up in the air.
"Oh. Felicia, is it- woah woah WOAH!"
Oh, I should have also explained, SUPERMETH gives you Superman's powers. Anyway he didn't see her at first, but then did that with X-Ray Vision so he could see behind him. But he also got a better look at her than before where, he was more focused on being mad at Mike.
WOAH. She was hot! And naked! Aside from the fur. She also had boobs the size of big boobiess. And a big butt that was like not covered at all.
"Wow you are so much hotter han my ex-wife Syler!"
"Oh you were divorced? That's sad. :(" She said. By the way they were still flying through the air.
"Well I haven't had the divorce yet but I really need it, sorry I got ahead of myself."
"Oh no don't cheat on your wire." Felicia said. "That's bad."
"Bad? PFFT! I AM WALTER HEARTWALL WHITE! I AM ABOVE AND BEYOND GOOD AND EVIL! MY CHARACTER IS- nah no. On second thought, I'm just the good guy. Gus is the bad guy. Saying I'm 'above good and evil' makes it sound too much like I'm morally gray."
Anyway Walt finally made it up to Flyboy, cutting through the swarm army of flies.
"Fuck you a simple fly won't stop me."
He fired laser eyes at Fly Boy. Fly Boy just dodged quickly, having the reflexes of a fly, and Walt instead blew up a propane tank. Some people probably died from that. But they weren't Walt, so who cares?
"Argh he's too fast! I coud free him wiht my Ice Vision!"
He then blew ice breath at him. But he dodged that too!
"Um, trying to use something to avoid an evasive enemy when the enemy avoids that is a problem..." said Felicia.
"ARHCGH NO! AAAARRRGGH-"
While Walt was screaming Fly Boy just shoved a bunch of flies in Walt's mouth and laughed. He then spat them out, disgusted.
"DISGUSTING!" Said Walt. "DO I LOOK FRENCH?! I DON'T EAT THIS!"
"You're dressed like the French LOL. It's funny because you're naked." Rpelied Fly Boy.
"SO ARE YOU AND FELICIA."
"But neither of us uis human we can get away with it."
"THAT'S RACIST YOU FUCK!"
Then he tried using super strength! Which was to swat him like a normal fly, but because of super strength, it would hurt a PERSON! A Boy.
He kept missnig. Again. Felicia sighed.
"Okay hold on. Just get me close enough and..."
Walt did.
Felicia jumped off, and with catlike reflexes landed on Fly Boy and then ripped his head off and ate him.
Oh right, in addition to stealing the meth and whatnot Fly Boy was unleashing an army of flies to eat humanity just for the hell of it, he was a bad guy. So yes, he deserved to die. Not just because he was stepping on Walter White.
"We did it! Together!" Said Walt.
"HELP ME I'M FALLING NOW!" Since you know she was holding on to the flying Fly Boy, who had wings. But since he was dead those wings weren't flying when the owner of the wings was dead.
"Oh, right." Said Walt. He flew over to her and grabbed her.
But then his SUPERMETH wore out! And now they were both falling!
"DON'T WORRY I CAN GET US OUT OF THIS!" Shouted Walt.
"HOW?!" Asked Felicia.
Mike had a trampoline on the beach. He borrowed it from the partyers. Walt and Felicia just bounced on it harmlessly. He sighed.
"THERE!" Said Walter White. "See, I planned that!"
After a few fun bounces and the two of them locking eyes and possibly getting romantic, suddenly the tampoline was rammed out of the way! By the Meth Gator!
Hector/Tio was riding on it, and the Cousins were standing to the sides, armed with bazookas. He rang his bell: "DING DING DING!" Which translated to: "DIE YOU LOS POLLOS HERMANOS FUCKS!"
"DID HE JUST CALL ME A CUCK?!" Asked Walt really mad!
"DING DING DING, DING DING! DING DING!" That meant "No I said 'fuck' not 'cuck.'"
"Oh ok then."
Then tranquilizer darts flew in from nowhere and it was Gus! He knocked out all of the Salamancas, as well as the Meth Gator! They were tranquilized and in captivity and then he could take hold of them and laughed. Oh but not because Gus is too stoid for that I think.
"Mike." He said calmly and coldly. "Open the secret under water base. I have finally won."
"Haha yes. No, I mean I won." Said Walt.
"No you didn't." Said Mike.
And then Gus tranqed him and Felicia too!
Mike then took out the remote for lifting the Secret Nude Beach Water Base that Gus had, but to disguise its meth-y properties and ties to the meth trade, it just looked like a chicken remote. BUT IT WAS NOT A CHICKEN REMOTE IT WAS A REMOTE OF EVIL! Anyway the base rose out from the ocean and it looked like a steel cube. Of evil.
The beachgoers of course began running away. Well they ran away back when the flies attack.
Anyway yes Gus purposefully lured Fly Boy, also a meth rival, over there so that Walt could be close enough there. Again Fy is now important to the plot in my version.
Meanwhile, Jesse and Badger were walking back to the Meth Lab. The Fly Swarm was just after Walt so it ignored them, and also when Fly Boy died the fly army just flew off and went away.
"Well that was bitching embarrassing." Jesse said.
"Hm really? How was it embarrassing?" Asked Badger.
"We had one job. Don't let contaminants in. And we let in a lot of flies."
They got back and found Skinny Pete, Combo, and Jane with DEA cars surrounding the place. Sual had Mike teleported there in his hands, Mike looked like he was thinking really hard about something but Saul was just laughing his ass off.
"What the bitch...?!" Asked Jesse.
For plot convenience Hank and Gomez were there.
Mike chlorophored Jesse. As Jesse was passing out he heard a cry from Jane: "JESSE! YOU PROMISSE DI WOULDN'T BE ARRESTED YET GAIN!"
"I'll explain what the bitch." Said Mike. "You see, you have fallen for my trap, you have outlived the usefullness of being payed servants. We will now make you and Walt for meth cook. And use your friends as hostages. Nothing personal, kid."
But Jesse was already passed out so he didn't hear that so it was pointless. It was just exposition for the viewers.
But meanwhile Andrew who was thrown out the window was listening in hiding behind a desert rock. She knew what to do so she went to The RV and began driving it.
Walter White woke up shirtless - oh wait last time he was naked so of course he'd not have a shirt either. Actully Guy put pants on him because he couldnt' stand looking at his middled aged ass and penis. Anyway he was being tortured, whipped on his back and stuff.
"Hello, Walt." Said Gus as the doors opened and he walked in to the cold metal room. "I see you are trying to betray me."
"TRYING?!" Asked Walt. "No, I'm succeeding! LOOK AT ME!"
Gus chuckled evilly.
"No. You need your ego taken down a notch. You are not that powerful."
Oh no he held a watch it was HYPONITISM!
"You are now under my command." Gus said. "Do as I say, or I will kill your family."
"Family... no... that's my excuse for my actions..." Said Walt. "If you hurt them, I have no excuse left!"
"Hah. Anyway, you think you are a brave hero... but you are not. You think you are smart... but you are not. You are only a coward. You are only... what I sell... and what I sell alone, not meth. You are...
"A chicken."
Walt's body turned in to that of a chicken. Gus held out a mirror for him to see. Because he was a chicken he was no longer shackled to the shackles. And he fell out of hits pants, making him naked again.
"I am now a chikcen... FUCK."
Laughing, Gus walked away.
"I'll turn you back once you and Jesse become my slaves! And by then, with me locking up the Salamancas and you being my slaves, all I'll have left before I become the Meth Lord is the Nazis!"
"The Nazis?" Asked Wlater White. "Hrm... they sound like interesting allies..."
So he left but he wasn't a retarded James Bond villain, there were body guards there with guns to shoot and kill him.
"ALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS!" Said Walter White. "HAPPY THANKSGIVING! GOGGLE GOBBLE!"
He flew around and did that ca-caw sound and began kicking and flapping his wings on the guards, kicking their asses with the might of the chicken. Eventually he distracted them enough to make one guard shoot the other in the arm, which hurt like hell and made him cry out in pain. The first guard went over and said "Oh no I shot you I'm sorry, did that hurt?" And while that was being done Walt kicked him in the ass and pecked his pecker inside the pockets to steal the key and he used the key to unlock the door and get out.
Nextdoor was Felicia's cell. He clucked over and used the key to open that.
But the shackles were empty and Felicia was gone and both guards looked like they had their asses kicked. It was then that Wallt noticed that the hallways had a really long chain of KO'd people so he followed them.
He heard dinging from one cell. It translated to "GET ME OUT OF HERE SUCK MY DICK AND FUCK YOU!" He knew to ignore that one.
But anyway, there was a particularly large pileup of knocked out Los Pollos Hermanos guards piledup together and Felicia was on top of them, licking blood off her claws. Like Walt she was shirtless. I mean she is always shirtless but she had the chest fur shaved off. And like Walt she had a few whips and bloody marks on her back from torture.
"Why didn't you kill them?" Walter asked her.
"Oh wow you're a chicken." Replied Felicia.
"Yeah I was hypotized to turn in to one. But still killing them would be better and you could kill them."
"Hm... I don't like killing people."
"Well I do watch."
He reached in with his pecker and took a gun out from one's pocket and shot him.
"Anyway you should probably get clothes on." Said walt.
"No I'm good."
"Okjay."
"Say why are you a girl chicken and not a rooster?"
Then Walt looked between his legs and saw his cloaca! He made his shocked Ozzy face again! But as a chicken!
"BGCAWWWK!" He shouted screaming to the sky.
"Feeling emasculated, Mr. White?" Asked Gus with a smirk on his face as he walked in the scene. Of course surrounding him to his sides were Mike and Saul (Saul teleported Mike there and after this scene he teleported him back to the police part). "I knew you'd escape."
"I'M TRANS NOW, FUCK YOU1" Shouted Walt.
"Hey I can change to and from animals I think I can help." Said Felicia. She turned iin to a white cat and then back in to her sexy topless form.
"Okay hold on."
Because Walt was a fast learner he un-chickened himself from Felicia's example without needing to break the hyponitism. Now Walt permanently has the power to turn in to a chicken and back! Without meth!
Then he collapsed and passed out from coughing and lung cancer. He had a vision where his Cancer spoke to him again:
"HA HA HA YOU CAN LOSE THE CHICKEN BUT YOU CAN NEVER CURE ME! I'LL KILL YOU SOON!" The Cancer said.
"FUCK OFF!" Walt punched the Cancer in the... 'face...' well, the middle of the floating sign. But since the sign was just a symbolic illusion he actually felt something meaty and disgusting and his hand briefly glitched out and faded away since he was reaching in to the illusion. Anyway, he woke up punching upwards but that was just hitting Felicia in the face.
"Ow!" She said.
"Oops sorry."
"No problem I fight zombies and vampires and giant firegod aliens from a different planet."
"Hm aliens I can sell my meth to them..." Said Walt, planning.
"BUT HOW WLL YOU SELL METH TO THEM WHILE YOU CAN'T EVEN CELL METH FROM MY CHICKEN PRISON?! HRM?!" Asked Gus.
Then the showdown was on!
"Saul, check on the Salamancas."
"Uh Hector's still locked up, the Meth Gator's still in your containment cell, and the Cousins are missing."
"They- what?"
"Jesus how many times did we arrest you?" Asked Hank in the DEA Headquarters.
So it was Skinny Pete, Combo, and Jane that were arrested. Remember, Jesse and Badger were kidnapped by Mike and Andrea was out the window.
"Often." Said Skinny Pete.
"All I know is that I don't want to go to jail agian." Said Jane. "Female on female sexual harassment is not funny like what shows and anime make it look to be. :("
"HEY MALE ON MALE ISN'T EITHER!" Shouted Combo.
"I was thinking for myself but that too I guess."
"Well at least your lawyer is here." Said Hank.
Saul teleported in to the room.
"Fellas, hey." He said.
"Oh balls no." Jane said.
"Look, I'll be honest, Gus' plan makes no fucking sense whatsoever. It's way too complicated, but it comes down to this: you guys are used as his bargaining chips. But so is Badger, who is being held hostage in this giant cube out in Georgia. Here's the deal. I'll let you go to... uh, show Jesse how nice Gus is. Or something like that. But Badger, he might be fucked if Jesse doesn't work with him-"
SLAM! Andrea came in with the RV!
"Oh thank God I don't think I can carry on with this silly plan." Said Saul.
"I'M BUSTING YOU OUT!" Shouted Andrea.
"AND WE'RE HERE TO AVENGE THE TUCO!" Shouted Marco and Lionel at the same time. They got there because the Meth Gator smuggled some of the teleporting spring green meth, I don't know or not if I explained that, and snuck it in the Cousin's pockets.
Andrea quickly got out of the RV. Why? Because Hank grabbed it by the back and swung it around like in Super Mario 64 with Bowser, spinning it around the interrogation room. He then did a DEA throw to it at the Cousins. But they both broke it with axes, cutting it in half. This is important for later.
Gomez jumped in with one of those giant guns that had like a backback. A gattling gun, I think they're called. He fired a lot at the Cousins and then Andrea realized something.
"LET'S MAKE OUR ESCAPE! GO GO GO!" She said, and everyone in the Jesse group hurdled in the front half of the RV. Then they drove out through the hole the RV broke. (This, by the wyay, was the same hole the Cousins came in with.)
"You fight them." Hank said to Gomez. "I'll check out this 'Los Pollos Hermanos,' I bet it's not a place of chicken - well okay it is chicken - but aso DRUGS. Especially METH. I HATE METH."
"Yeah you can take this it sounds personal."
"I was suspicious when they said that Sky Blue 'Chicken' is of good quality. That is the same thing said about Sky Blue METH, from the mysterious Hisenberg. We came relly close to fighting him but some guy came in and teleported them away! How frustrating! He's OP!"
By the way Sual's teleportation has a limited amount of energy before he recharges, so he's not completely unstoppable. He's not capable of unlimited teleportation he needs to power. His teleportation is also solar powered so he can't use it at night.
AND THE SUN WAS SETTING. THIS IS GOING TO BE A TERRIBLE NIGH.
So while Steven Gomez was fighting the Twins Hank got in his DEAcopter, which is like a helicopter but bigger for the DEA, and flew to the Los Pollos Hermanos where Jesse was chlorogphormed. "Why didn't they DEA do that before?" Well the place was infested with flies and that was fucking disgusting so no. But they got this thing called Dale's Dead Bug to clear out the place.
"Okay so far there's nothing."
Gus pushed a button on a remote.
The Los Pollos Hermanos building TRANSFORMED IN TO A GIANT CHICKEN MECHA!
"Uh oh." Said Hank.
Hank fired a bunch of rockets at the building but becuase it was a mecha it was barely hurt. The LPH Mecha roared and then it gobbled and rose a razor sharp wing and threw down the DEAcopter, making it spin like crashing helicopters usually do and it crashed in the ground. It exploded and Hank had a broken back and he screamed in pain but he was able to wrestle out his DEA Laser cannon and shot a laser straight at the heart of Los Pollos Hermanos, destroying the Flux Capacitor that powered it up and then the mech exploded. Hank had won but his back hurt.
Meanwhile the Twins seemed almost invincible and were deflecting the bullets of Gomez and the rest of the DEA with their axes spinning and twirrling around and were getting closer. Then they swatted the bullets out of the air and back in the heads of a lot of the DEA cops, killing most of them but just shooting the foots of some of the others so that the US could still have the DEA and wouldn't have to just ely on the DEA of the world. (Which is just the DE.)
Then they jumped at Gomez and knocked him down and had him within two seconds of shooting him in the head and killing him. But then both of them were sniped in the head and fell off. Gomez stood up and looked and saw Mike Ehrmantraut standing there in SWAT gear. He looked at him and gave him a wave.
"Hey. You're welcome." Mike said, walking off calmly.
So while Andrea drove off with the front half of the RV, the back half, with the lab stuff, was there. Gomez took out his radio and called Schrader.
"How did the drug bust go?" Steven asked.
"Oh you know I broke my back again and can't move, it's nothing." Replied Hank.
"Hey I found the RV with the drugs and I think it might be related to those guys we captured in the chicken place."
"I think I might need to take some days off."
"Actually a lot of us were killed just now so yeah you might have to cover shiffts."
"Well then I'll be in a wheelchair or in bedrest."
Gomez shrugged. "You can still kick ass."
"Yeah I know."
"Anyway I was almost killed but then this guy in SWAT gear saved me."
"What did he look like?"
"Well it's hard for me to use my DEA X-Ray Lenses over his SWAT gear but I saw that he was this bald old white guy."
"Like my brother in law?"
"I don't know, there's a lot of bald old white guys involved in this mysterious Heisenberg and Los Pollos Hermanos thing."
"Well oh yeah there's also Lations involved."
They both laughed.
"Anyway oh speaking of your brother in law I looked through the RV half. It's a meth lab-"
"GGGRRRRR!"
"And the meth makers are labeled with 'THIS IS PROPERTY OF WALTER WHIE AKA HEISENBERG, THE GREATEST CHEMIST IN THE WORLD!' He had a bad drawing of himself on these. They look like they were made in MS Paint."
"WHAT?!WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED THAT WALT DID THIS! NOOOOO!"
"My best friend on the force just died. I don't think any of yours did. I have more angst than you."
"(Sighing vehemently) Okay. Anyway I think I need to go to the hospital."
"I'll call the DEAmbulance." that wasn't a pun that was a real thing they had. It was originally called the DEAambulance but that would just be stupid. "Also according to the news some big metal cube showed up in a nude beach, we'll send a small team of DEA Agents to check it out."
Nothing Walt did to attack Gus could work his attacks kept getting blocked! And both Human Style and Chicken Style! Walt kept getting flipped and thrown around and Felicia was also tossed like a ragdoll and everything!
"WHAT ARE YOU A BLACK BELT?" Walt asked.
"Yes." He did a spinkick and sent Felicia flying in to a wall. "I also have LPH implants giving me titanium bones and a robotic endoskeleton, so it would take a huge explosion to hurt me.
"I AM INVINCIBLE I AM THE FINAL BOSS!" Gus shouted.
No he was actually the SECOND bsos, but he didn't know that! (Tuco was the first.)
Then the airvents slid open and he had meth thrown in to his mouth. It was Lavender Meth, which puts people to sleep. So Gus fell asleep.
In the vetns was Jesse who was laughing his ass off.
"What?" Asked Walt. "I didn't know you're here."
"I was locked up, BUT they locked up someone who had PRISON-BUSTING SKILLS BITCH, so I could do it! I just found the hidden entrance to the vents, and airducted my way around! I'll help you escape!"
"Well."
"Yo whose the sexy bitch girlfriend of yours?!" Jesse asked.
"She's my girlfriend." Said Walt.
"No, no don't cheat on your wife." Felicia said.
"Um while you were being tortured I divocred her so I could be with you." He lied.
"Aww that sweet."
Then they kissed.
"Uh okay you want to leave?" Asked Jesse.
"Not yet. Okay first of all is anybody else here?" he asked.
"Well I think all my friends" remember, Badger, so no Jesse was wrong, but unlike Walt just a minute ago that wasn't a lie he just genuinely thought this, "are arrested at the DEA. So back to Alb... er... kicky? I don't know how to say it." Whihc is me disguising the fact that I can't spell it, I'm being clever here.
"So shoot we need to go back right away and save them!"
"Yeah!"
"BUT FIRST..." That made Felicia and Jesse groan.
Walt opened the door Hector was inside.
"TIO SALAMANCA." Said Walk. "TODAY IS YOUR LUCKY DAY. I NEED YOU TO FINISH OFF GUS! WHEN HE WAS CAPTURED THEY ALSO TOOK ALL MY METH AND NOT METH BUT KEPT IT IN HERE, I NEED YOU TO TAKE MY NOT METH AND RAM HIM, BLOWING HIM UP AND FINISHING HIM OFF FOR GOOD!"
"DING DING DING." Hector tapped madly, which meant, "What's in it for me?"
Walt held up a bag of some kind of Poison Purple-Colored Meth, not to be confused with the Purple Meth that lets you time travel. To help tell them apart this one also had skulls and crosssbones on it. "I bet you fucking hate being in a wheelchair and not talking, huh? What if I could let you walk again."
"DING DING DING DING DING." That translated to, "Eat the meth yourself."
Walt scowled. "Dammit, you saw right through me! This doesn't happen to me."
There was knocking on the main door.
"Hello?" Asked Felicia. Walt panicked, squatted, then shook his arms back and forth. "Who is it?"
"THIS IS THE DEA!" Said Gomez. The DEA used their special speed cars to get there on time. "YOU ARE SURROUNDED! ANY CERTIFIED DRUG PEOPLE WILL BE KILLED OR PRISONED DEPENDING ON HOW MANY THEY KILLED!"
Walt began counting his fingers then sighed in elief.
Hector sighed." DING." he said, which meant, "Okay, fine, I'd rather die than be prisoned by those" then he said some pretty racist shit about white people that I don't feel comfortable translating "cops."
Gus stood up.
"Well that was unprofessional, falling asleep on the job." He said. Then he heard Walt's voice echoing down the hall:
"THIS IS NOT METH!"
And then just like a horror movie, Gus looked down the hall and heard "DING DING!" And Hector was SLAMMING down the hall to reach him WITH A SCARY DEATH LOOK IN HIS EYE AND NOT-METH BOMBS ALL AROUND HIS WHEELCHAIR. The dings translated to, "SALAMANCA SUPER-SLAM MOTHERFUCKER!"
"AAAAHHHHHHH!" Screamed Gus.
BOOM.
The entire back half of the cube, the half that did not have the DEA helicopters, tanks, mecha (they learned their mistake from Hank just going out there with one helicopter), cannons, and the like were not facing, had been bombed off in the explosion. So the coast-DEAs with their armored jetskis and submarines (yes by the beach they were advanced submarines that could also submerge in the sand okay?) went around because of course they would. Gus was seen there walking out from side view adjusting himself. The one half of his face looked normal and was skin, but the other...
Looked like a terminator robot! That was what he meant with the infusion!
"ISN'T THAT THE CHICKEN GUY!" Asked Gomez.
"Yes and I am also a meth guy. But I also sell some good chicken!"
His robotic red eye fired lasers at the DEA and blew up a lot of their stuff.
Oh yeah Hector died in the explosion. Gus just didn't.
Anyway the water was entering the cube fortress so it was sinking while Gus jumped out, used his robot ocket jets and began flying in the air, fighting the DEA.
Jesse sammed open a door and had his eyes covered.
"MR. WHITE PLEASE STOP HAVING SEX THE PLACE IS SINKING AND WE'RE SURROUNDED BY THE DEA!"
Yeah Walt was in bed with Felicia. It had been several minutes since the last scene above that line break and the water was really going in by now.
"What? I was just having a victory celebration." Said Walt. "I's for my family."
Then water started rushing in the room and Walt sighed. "Okay, FINE!"
So they treaded out in the water and stuff. Saul then teleported one last teleport to the opening, on a jetski, with Mike on it. He looked exhausted.
"Hey." Said Saul. "Gus just said to abandon him, we're on our own now."
"PERFECT!" Said Walt. "Just as planned!"
He heard Gomez announcing. "WALTER WHITE. HEISENBERG. GUS JUST CONFIMRED THAT YOU ARE IN HERE, AND THAT YOU ARE HEISENBERG, YOU ARE IN FOR SERIOUS QUESTIONING."
Then, smirking, Walt got a gun (that he stole from a security guard) and pointed it at Mike's head.
"Okay, now drive." He said. "I'm taking over, Saul, you meant I'm on my own, which I was from the beginning."
Mike shrugged. "Saul, just forget this clown and telepor-"
"Nope. I'm out of juice."
Mike then sighed in defeat and raise dhis hands. He calculated the way things were and the key factor is that he didn't have a gun.
"Okay." He said.
"Put this in stealth mode so that we can get out of here." Said Walt.
And so they did, the five of them. Walter White, Jesse, Mike, Saul, and Felicia. Invisible.
"Okay, so, Gus said something about Nazis." Said Walt. "This is where I want to go next with the Heisenberg Empir-"
"HEY!" Shouted Felicia. "What is this, you're kidnapping these two, and you also want to work with NAZIS?!"
Then Walt pointed a third gun at her. (He also had one aimed at Saul, I forgot. But not at Jesse since he's loyal.
"Think of this as a kidnapping. I am kidnapping these two, who were Gus' Underlings, and thus evil, so I'm just fighting evil. The Nazis are also probably not actual Nazis, I mean they're Americna Prisoners, and not German Citizens, so they probably weren't part of the National Socialist party from 1940s."
"Why are you pointing a gun at me?!"
"Oh that was just to be cool. I'm sorry." He put that gun down.
Felicia crossed her arms. "I'm doubting him." She said.
"So am I." Added Jesse.
"Especially because I was an 'Underline' of Fring but I never turned evil! I just worked on yummy treats in his chicken place and being a guard fighting off evil Drug People Soldiers!"
"That was for hiding the meth in." Said Mike.
"Oh. Oh no..."
"Anyway, Sual, or Mike. Whoever." Said Walt. "Google the Nazis. I wanna find out about them and meth."
Walt was finally back home and opened the door. He was grinning.
"What were you doing missing for so long?!" Asked Sykler.
"I was... walking around... naked... losing my mind." Technically all of those things were true if you count the hypnotism as losing his mind.
"I think you're having an affair with me."
"Um... no I was... doing... uh... drugs..."
"Yeah well I fucked Ted."
Walt froze. "Wait... wait wait, no. After we were married?"
"Just a few minutes ago."
"No... that means..."
Then he got on his knees and shouted to the Heavens. (Or Hells it felt like:)
"I AM NOW A CUCK! NOOOOOOOOO! BOO HOOHOO HOOHOO HOOOOOOO!" And he began crying.
Then Skyler's phone rang.
"Hello?" She asked.
"Hi it's your sister's husband Hank." It was Hank! "I was injured. Um, thought I'd let you know, your husband is a drug crimelord."
"Oh that's why he's been disappearing. I cheated on him."
"Ha ha, awesome! I've been fantasizing about cheating on my wife-"
"WHAT THE FUCK HANK!" Marie said over the phone. Yeah she was there with get well soon balloons and to make him feel better a collection of cock excuse me minerals.
"-Uh oops I wish I didn't say that now..."
Walt cut the phone line. "Iheard Hank's voice. He was about to confess that I was Heisenberg, but I cut the phone line just in time."
"No he got to say that in time. I know you're the Meth Guy. You stupid cuck."
"NOOOOOOOOO! NOW THAT INSULT ACTUALLY MEANS THE LITERAL THING!"
"And put some pants on, you naked cuck."
"STOP RUBBING IT IIIIIN!"
"That's what Ted said HAHAHAHA!"
Gomez finally stabbed a sword through Gus's chest and sent him falling down in to the ocean, where his robotic part briefly shocked through him and KO'd him, but he looked dead. Gomez, on his jetpack, sighed.
Then the Meth Gator swam over and grabbed him. More to be continued...? Sorry I wanted to use the Meth Gator here but I ran out of time. So it's just a hook for Part 3. Speaking of a hook for Part 3, there's a few more:
"Hello anybody help?" Asked Badger, still stranded in the metal cube.
"GENTLEMEN!" Shouted Jack Welker. "IN POSITIONS!"
His army, the Arran Brotherhood, stood in formation and gave that Hitler Salute.
"THE FRING EMPIRE AND THE JUAREZ CARTEL ARE NO MORE!" Jack said. "TOMORROW, WE MOVE OUT! WE STRIKE! WE ATTACK! WE ARE THE METH NAZIS, WE GET HIGH AND HATE BLACK PEOPLE! Not in that order though because while I'm high black people are hot AF."
"METH NAZIS. METH NAZIS. WHOO WHOO WHOO." The Brotherhood Met hNazis chanted.
"I mean, if I were to have sex with a guy, not saying I will because the Nazis are anti-gay, like if I had a gun to my head, it would definitely be a black guy. The stereotype about them having bigger guy private parts is true. Now, what are our plans?"
"Well for one thing," said one of the Meth Nazis, "we need to actually start making meth. We can't just keep selling blue candy, drug addicts will get suspicous of it and hate it."
"Ok yeah we should look in to this new 'Heisenberg' thing. I don't think it will be too bad. I mean, it's made by some naked old guy, how bad can he be? I think the 'Sky Blue Chicken' I ate a few months ago was by him, so he knows how to cook."
The part about thinking he's harmless is called dramatic irony.
Closing AN:
So this is one of two last day of the year publishes, hopefully the other should come soon and it's its own story rather than a new chapter.
Other than that... nothing really comes to mind with this chapter right now.