Hello!

Thank you for your fabulous reviews! I cannot believe we are at chapter 10 already, thank you for sticking with me, there is still lots more to come!

I really hope that you enjoy this one, after envisioning how this chapter would go for a while, I really loved writing it,

Becca x

Her Secret Strength

10th October 2011

It had been three weeks since Rachel had found out that she was pregnant. At first it had been a shock, beyond a shock, as instantly her life had taken an unexpected direction. Preparation was key for Rachel, it was more than a trait of hers, it was a survival instinct. After such a disruptive youth, she craved order so that she could reclaim control over her life. Her meticulous ways had led her to make such strives in her education and then career. The successes that she achieved were beyond what she believed could be possible for herself and so this reinforced her belief that order and preparation were the factors which kept her life on track. That summer she had spent so much time planning for the school year ahead, every detail from the first to the last day of the upcoming year, she had made plans for and contingencies. However, whilst she had been so busy with her head in spreadsheets and paperwork over those summer months, she had been completely unaware of the life that was growing inside of her; waiting to change the plans that she made.

Following her dizzy spells, she had only visited her doctor to appease Adam. Her appointment had been the day before Kim arrived back at Waterloo Road. Her GP took her blood pressure and informed her that it was high and so then performed a blood test. At that point, Rachel believed that this confirmed her suspicions that she was stressed; she told her doctor that she had just resumed her role as Head Teacher and that the pressure from her job was most likely the cause of her recent light headedness. It had been the end of the school day when she answered a call from the doctor informing her of her blood test results. Immediately, all the plans changed, her future shifted. Pregnant.

After hearing the news, she sat in her office for well over an hour, whilst everyone else had long gone home, back to their lives. Her life had completely changed from when she had left the house that morning, how could she just resume it? As she sat in her office reflecting, she felt foolish that she had not realised before now about her pregnancy. During the summer she had not felt right. When she had been in Athens with Adam, she had been ill for most of the week, or so she had thought. After being sick a few times she assumed that it had been the food, the water or the heat. Not for a moment did she consider that she was pregnant. After the holiday, it had been more like nausea, she recalled her first day back at Waterloo Road, she had felt so sick that morning but had assumed it was nerves. In a way, she felt relieved to have a reason as to why she had been feeling so stressed when returning to her job. Never before had it been such a struggle, she had been worried that in her year out she had lost the knack of it as every small issue made her either overly tense or emotional. It all made sense now. Of course, she was pregnant.

There had been a certain stage in her life when she had accepted that she would probably never have a child of her own. She had always found relationships too difficult; she could not allow things to get too serious and could not afford to trust a man after what went on in her past and so she never allowed herself to get too close to anyone. On reflection, this was probably why it took her so long to get together with Eddie. Yet, he was the first man that truly saw her. The walls she would put up with other people did not work with him, he saw through it all and so she bared her soul to him. He knew her past and loved her regardless, he respected her. In the months that her and Eddie had been together she began to wonder about their future, never before then had she considered marriage and children when she had been in a relationship, but with Eddie it was different. However, following their separation, she had to convince herself that it was for the best, that her calling was a different one, and so she gave her life to her job and her students. It worked for a while, until she married Adam. When Adam express his desire to have children, she found it difficult, she had already convinced herself that it was not going to happen and that it was probably better that way. It just somehow never felt right.

The first few days following her pregnancy news were difficult. It was not the shock of it, she gradually came to terms with the idea in those first few days. It was the inevitable tricky conversations that awaited her that made her anxious. Despite having previously convinced herself that she would not have children, she quickly began to adjust to the idea of becoming a mother. For most of her life she had been alone, even now as a married woman running a school with hundreds of children to oversee; she still felt lonely at times. However, as this small life grew inside of her, she felt as though she would never be alone again. In the last three weeks since finding out about her pregnancy, she felt stronger; she felt such a connection to her child, and it gave her the strength that she needed to be the best that she could at her job despite the physical effects that the pregnancy was having on her. Her child became her secret strength; however, she knew that it was only a matter of time before her pregnancy would become impossible to hide. Soon, she would have to tell someone, she just did not know who to tell.

That morning, she had phoned Eddie to tell him she would be late to work. It was the day of her first scan. "My husband could not get the time off work." She found herself telling the sonographer as she entered the room. Immediately, she questioned why she had said it. Up until that moment, she had not felt alone, in fact, she had never felt less alone in the last three weeks, but somehow, she had felt strange sitting alone in the waiting room amongst the other couples.

The sonographer smiled at her warmly as she put a fresh paper sheet on the bed. "I bet he would be able to get the time off if it was for the football." She joked before patting the bed. "Come and lie down on here lovely and we'll see how baby is doing."

Rachel gave a small laugh at the woman's comment as she took off her coat and lay upon the bed, pulling up her blouse as she did. If only the sonographer knew that her husband was in fact clueless about her pregnancy.

Cold gel was placed over her stomach and the sonographer began to run the ultrasound sensor over her. "Here we are." The sonographer smiled as she turned the screen to within Rachel's view. Rachel beamed as she saw her child on the screen, it suddenly felt real; she was a mother. "And there we have a very strong heartbeat." Rachel exhaled emotionally when she heard her child's heart beating and struggled to stop the tears which now gleamed on her cheekbones. It was in that moment that her priorities changed, any plans she had made were irrelevant; she already knew that she would do anything for her child.

When she rushed back into the school, it was nearly lunchtime and she found Eddie Lawson sat at her desk. "I'm sorry I'm late, I was sat in the waiting room for an age." She had told him that she had an appointment, but not what it was for.

"No worries, I've moved the management meeting to lunchtime" Eddie informed her as he stood up from her chair and looked to his watch. "Should be about ten minutes. Is everything okay?"

"Yes, I'm really good actually." She could not hide her smile, and this did not go unnoticed by Eddie. Over the last few weeks, he had definitely observed a change in her, she had become less stressed and had a different energy about her, he was relieved to see her in a happier state.

"It's good to see," He admitted. "Are you coming to Charlie's Birthday party later on? I know things didn't go well the last time you and Melissa saw one another but she asked me to remind you about it. It would be nice for you to get to know Charlie better."

The day had definitely been too positive so far, of course the prospect of spending an evening in Melissa's company had to ruin her day; it was not as though she could even have a drink to get through it. "Are you sure it's a good idea?" Rachel asked as she pulled a face.

"Come on Rachel, she's invited some of her mum friends from Charlie's toddler group. Some of them are really irritating, I need some sort of company." He begged.

"Fine, but I'm not staying long." She reluctantly agreed.

"Thank you!" He smiled at her. The school bell then rang, signalling that it was lunchtime. "What's on the agenda then for today's meeting?

"I emailed you last night!" She tutted at him as his blank face told her that he had not read it. "I've got a copy. It's here somewhere" She told him as she rifled through her bag for the print-out, however, in the process of looking through her bag she accidentally knocked it, spilling the contents all over the floor. "For goodness sake."

"Here let me help you." Eddie instantly began to help her to pick the things off the floor. She had been so focused on finding the agenda for the meeting that she did not even notice Eddie pick up her scan photo that had fallen from her bag, that was until she realised that he had abruptly gone silent.

Eddie stared at the scan photo for a long time before he looked to Rachel who had been holding her breath for the entire time. "You're pregnant?" He asked as total shock engulfed him.

As she heard footsteps coming towards the office, she swiftly took the scan from him and put it back into her bag. "Please, can we not do this now?" She asked, but before Eddie could answer, Kim entered the room ready for the management meeting.

During the meeting, only Rachel and Kim spoke, Eddie had too much on his mind following his recent discovery. This did not go unnoticed by the women, but Rachel tried her best to fill any awkward silences. Meanwhile, Eddie was thinking back to the conversation that himself and Rachel had had, the night he had gone round to her house. That evening, she had revealed how much Adam had wanted a child and the arguments that it had caused between them. Given her unintentional pregnancy revelation, Eddie presumed that Adam had clearly managed to change Rachel's mind. Finding out that Rachel had gotten married had been difficult enough for him at the time, but this was worse. Despite Rachel asking him to keep things professional, he had still held on to the hope that things could change in time. Giving up on the love of his life was impossible, he had to believe that somehow circumstances could eventually alter, and he would finally get to be with the woman that he loved. However, now the circumstances had changed, but not in the way that he had hoped. His heart sank at the thought of Rachel having a child with someone else, this caused him to wonder if this is how she had felt that day when Melissa had turned up pregnant at the school; ending his and Rachel's relationship in the process. During the meeting he could barely look at Rachel, for he worried that he would not be able to control his emotions if he did; his heart ached as the hope of being reunited with his love began to dissipate.

Once Kim had left the room, Rachel immediately stood up from the table where they had been sat and resumed her usual spot at her desk; she opened up her laptop and began to check her emails to try and distract herself from the tension between Eddie and herself. Eddie was lost for words for a moment as he stood up, he wondered if he should just leave but then thought better of it. "Congratulations." He finally told her; the words passed painfully from his lips. "Adam managed to get you to have a change of heart then?"

"What?"

"About having a child." He clarified.

"It was actually a bit of a surprise," she could not meet his eye as she responded to him, but Eddie knew her, and her strange behaviour did not go unnoticed by him. There was something about the look on her face that made him suddenly feel as though he was missing something. However, just as he looked as though he was going to enquire further, Rachel was literally saved by the bell. "Shouldn't you be getting to your class?"

It was nearing the end of the day when Eddie came into her office, he closed the door and the shutter, so that Janeece could not hear. Rachel inhaled deeply, awaiting him to speak, however he just stared at her for a moment, waiting for her to look him in the eye before he asked her a question. "Out of interest, just how pregnant are you Rachel?" His tone was serious.

"Around 12 weeks." She looked away from him momentarily, but his eyes remained locked on hers.

"Are you sure that there's nothing else you want to tell me?" When she did not reply to this he continued. "Okay, different question. Could I be the father Rachel?"

There was a great tension as the room fell silent for a short while before Rachel finally replied. "You're not." She looked away from him as she said this and rose from her desk. "Don't you have a party to organise?" She added before she walked out of her office.

It was 6pm when Adam and Rachel arrived at Eddie and Melissa's house. Rachel had planned to not attend Charlie's Birthday following her earlier encounter with Eddie, but Melissa had been persistently texting her and so she had decided to just show her face, give her nephew the present that she had asked Adam to buy in a rush, engage in some small talk and then make their excuses and leave. "Can we not turn around and go back home?" Rachel sighed as she unbuckled her seat belt; she was dreading facing Eddie after their earlier conversation, it was not just that, she dreaded that he would let it slip to Adam about the baby.

"We're here now. I want to be here about as much as you do." Adam reminded her.

"Please just be civil with Eddie." She begged as she got out of the car and grabbed the present from the boot.

"Rachel, Adam!" Melissa exclaimed as she opened the door to them. "Thank you so much for coming. I just wanted to say that I am really sorry for how I behaved at your Birthday Rachel, I think I'll have prosecco instead of wine tonight!"

"Don't worry about it." Rachel reassured her as she gave her sister a hug. Despite not liking her sister very much, it did not stop her from loving her and she could not help but feel somewhat guilty after her night with Eddie.

As they entered the kitchen, there stood Eddie who was in the middle of talking to a friend of Melissa's. He immediately noticed Rachel entering the room. "You made it."

Adam give him an awkward nod. "Eddie."

Fortunately, Charlie then came running over, which only somewhat broke the tension, and began to get excited as he saw Rachel holding a present. "Happy Birthday Charlie!" She greeted her nephew as she then began to help him to open his present.

"Rachel wanted to get him something educational but sent me shopping so he's ended up with cars instead." Adam commented to Melissa, ignoring Eddie in the process.

"Of course she did! Well he does love cars, hopefully that'll keep him quiet!" Melissa laughed before asking. "What are you both having to drink, we've got wine, prosecco, beer..."

"Have you got a soft drink? I'm driving." Rachel interrupted her.

"It's alright I'll drive, treat yourself to a drink Rachel, you've not had one in ages, too busy with work. You deserve a night off." Adam commented. Eddie's ears pricked up at this as he had a sudden realisation and now gave the same look to Rachel as he had done in the office before.

"No, you have a beer, I've got a pile of paperwork waiting for me at home." Rachel insisted, as she tried not to look back at Eddie despite being well aware of his intense gaze.

"Eddie take their coats and put them in the spare room." Melissa ordered. "Oh, and there's some more in the hall that need taking up."

"You wouldn't mind giving me a hand would you Rachel?" Eddie asked her, that same look in his eye.

"Of course not." She knew that he would find some way to speak to her and would rather that Adam was not in ear shot.

As soon as they had put the coats on the bed in the spare room, Eddie closed the door and crossed his arms, his glare towards her had not wavered one jot. "Adam doesn't know that you're pregnant does he Rachel?"

She sighed at his realisation; she knew where this was going. "Not yet, no."

"Now I wonder why you wouldn't tell him?" He asked sarcastically.

"Okay, Eddie I get it." She grew tired of his tone and sat on the bed as she rested her hand on her tense forehead.

"I know I'm a maths teacher Rachel, but I definitely don't have to be to figure out that it was about two weeks after your birthday that we slept together; making it around 12 weeks ago." The tone of his voice softened now, and his mouth stretched to a warming smile. "The baby, it's mine isn't it?"

The silence that followed caused the room to grow heavy as the weight of Eddie's words still lingered in the air. Finally looking him in the eye now, she admitted. "It might be."

"What? You don't know?" He questioned her. "But surely...I mean, the dates they match up."

"The day after we...Adam came back home, he apologised about the argument and we made up and well, I don't have to spell it out to you, do I?" In some ways it was a relief to finally be honest about her pregnancy, she just wished that she had more answers. "Eddie, I'm sorry I should have told you all of this before in the office, I was going to tell you, I just didn't know how."

This time it was Eddie who became silent before he moved from near the door and sat next to her on the bed; trying to come to terms with the uncertainty of the situation. "What about Adam? What are you going to tell him?"

"I've not figured that out yet." She confessed. "Eddie, it's just such a mess."

Once more, there was a short silence as Eddie began to have a reflective moment. "It all makes sense now, the way you've been this term; I've never seen you as stressed out. How long have you known?"

"Three weeks, I should have guessed earlier really."

"Rachel, I want you know that if it is my child, I want to be there." Emotion washed over him now as he placed his hand on hers. "It's not just that, I..."

"Eddie, where have you got to?" Melissa shouted from the bottom of the stairs, interrupting him in the process, Eddie sighed in response to this.

Rachel looked back to Eddie; her own eyes had begun to fill up just as his were now. She took a deep breath before she then proceeded to stand up and open the bedroom door. "Come on, we better go back downstairs."