Cullen approached the throne with his shoulders squared, anger propelling him forward. Lavellan's lips pulled into a thin line. She had expected Josephine to lead the judgment of Samson, as she did for all others. Cullen was too close; Lavellan was, too.
Cullen's eyes blazed as he recited the charges. It was white noise to Lavellan. She had thought she would feel at peace with Samson in chains before her, with her wielding all of the power. Alas, Samson's piercing gaze was enough to cause her stomach to drop. Lavellan's nails dug into the ends of the throne's wooden armrests.
There was a menu of options before her, but none were quite right. Lavellan was drawn to execution. She imagined it; she lifted her executioner's sword and brought it down with a swift stroke. Samson would be gone and buried, just as she had buried everything dark that she did not want to ruminate on. But she would be acting out of fear, as she had been all these months. She needed to let the past go.
"Commander Cullen will oversee Samson and question him. Determine if he holds any information that may be of benefit to the Inquisition. Then Dagna will investigate his level of immunity to red lyrium. Perhaps there's something we could learn there. Then he can serve the Inquisition however the Commander sees fit," she decreed.
"What?" Cullen exclaimed before snapping his mouth shut, as if he had not realized he had spoken aloud. Samson snarled.
"Samson, this is your chance for redemption. Don't squander the opportunity; there won't be another," she announced and waved at the guards to collect Samson and haul him away. Samson bowed solemnly, an act that took Lavellan by surprise, as she had anticipated venom or resignation. Maybe there was hope yet that things could change.
A dagger soared through the air to its intended target. Lavellan steeled herself. Cullen was apparently as upset as she had predicted he would be. She had been reluctant to seek him out in his office, where he had been hiding, but she felt the need to justify her decision.
Cullen grasped another dagger, seemingly contemplating whether he would throw that one as well. Lavellan cleared her throat loudly, and Cullen shifted in her direction.
"Cullen, I- " she started.
"I wasn't expecting that judgment." Cullen continued, his tone sharp, "Samson is a monster who led his men to evil, and he had a clear mind when doing so. There are no excuses. The harm he did - he's irredeemable. Any answers he can provide are likely not worth his life."
"I'll take any asset that may be worth a damn. This is war, and if there's a possibility that Samson may in even some tiny way help turn the tide, then I can't disregard that."
Cullen threw the second dagger. "How can you say that after what happened to you?"
"It wasn't an easy decision," she explained as she drew closer and noticed his glowering. "Is this about me, or is this because you could have been Samson?"
Cullen growled and set his hands down on his desk with enough force to rattle a bottle of ink. He twisted away from her, and she knew she had hit the nail on the head.
"You're not Samson. Some decisions you made may haunt you, but you didn't go down the same path. There's no point in obsessing over what may have been. There's no time. All we can do is focus on what's happening right now," Lavellan said, wanting to reach out to touch him, but worrying how we might react in the moment.
Cullen clenched his fist and then loosened it. He muttered, "I'm glad you have such confidence about Samson. I apologize that I have my doubts."
"Have a little faith in me, at least?" Lavellan asked quietly.
He grimaced with remorse. "I do."
"I know you'll keep close watch of him. I thank you for that." Lavellan stood around, waiting for a response, but Cullen was lost in thought. "I'll leave you to your… target practice."
Lavellan exited and gently shut his door, inhaling a deep breath with relief. Frankly, Cullen was being more than a little obstinate, but it could have gone worse.
Cullen was on edge since the judgment of Samson, but Lavelllan and him had remained cordial. He gave her his reports on Samson without scowling and asked of her well-being with a tender expression across his features. However, they mostly danced around each other in their private conversations, with things left unsaid bubbling under the surface. It wasn't long before it all boiled over.
Everything was coming to a head with the war, and yet Josephine found it entirely appropriate to present offers of marriage during a war table meeting.
"I'm sorry, excuse me?" Lavellan interrupted as Josephine started discussing the proposals the Inquisition had received. She swiftly glanced at Leliana, who appeared complacent. She had expected Leliana to shoot down the topic out of respect for Lavellan's privacy and free agency. Next, she dared to glimpse at Cullen, who was so tense that it looked like he would break his teeth from clenching his jaw so tightly.
"As I was saying, we have been considering whether it would be wise to pursue an alliance through alternative means. Every resource counts, especially as a future confrontation with Corypheus looms over us. It's commonplace amongst nobles, and while you were not one before, you are the Inquisitor now, and that holds value," Josephine explained.
"They know I'm with child, right?" Lavellan asked, baffled.
"Well, yes, word has spread. That likely affected the number of offers we have been sent, but there are still those who take no issue with it, and some even want to help out, as it were."
"Who are these people?"
Josephine let the pile of scrolls she had been carrying tumble to the war table. It wasn't a large heap, but it was more than she had ever expected. "Nobles from here and there. We can read over each, if you'd like. I have a dossier on the candidates."
Out of nowhere, Josephine dropped a thick book on the table, which landed with a thud. Lavellan wanted to shudder. The weight on her shoulders suddenly grew a thousand times heavier. "Anyone I am acquainted with?"
Josephine placed the feathered end of her pen against her lip while concentrating. "Hmm, I believe you met a few at the Winter Palace."
"There is a particular duke who is quite charming and handsome," Leliana commented lightly, with the slightest trace of a smirk.
Lavellan peeked at Cullen, who was now staring intently at the ground. His complexion had paled in the span of seconds. "Surely there is more important business that we should be reviewing?" he complained.
"I certainly think the Inquisitor's marriage is of import-" Josephine began to answer, until Lavellan spoke over her.
"I agree with Cullen, I think we should put a pin in this conversation. Now, let's talk about the latest requisitions. Much more exciting stuff."
Luckily, the awkward topic of accepting a marriage proposal for the benefit of the Inquisition did not come up again for the rest of their meeting. After it was adjourned, Cullen stormed out of the war room, leaving Lavellan to glare at the rest of her advisors.
"He's in a foul mood," Josephine noted about Cullen's departure as she collected her scrolls.
"I wonder why?" Leliana added without a trace of irony.
Lavellan pinched her brow. "Do I really need to pursue any of these offers?" she groaned.
"That's ultimately your decision, Inquisitor. It's a personal," Josephine answered.
"So then no," Lavellan replied. "I need to go."
She walked briskly out of the hall, hoping to catch Cullen in his office before he moved somewhere else. Cullen's office, however, was empty. Rather than retrace her steps, she pushed on the door to the battlement that led to the tavern, thinking that she might as well go visit Cole. To her surprise, Cullen was there, alone on the battlement, leaning over the wall.
"Cullen!" she hollered breathlessly as she strode up next to him. She fought to catch her breath and admired the view from where they stood, the courtyard of Skyhold below them. "I hope you know that I'm not going to accept any of those proposals. It's a completely preposterous idea."
Cullen would not meet her eyes. "Josephine and Leliana found the idea worthy of consideration."
"And what are your thoughts, honestly?" she asked. Lavellan realized he would probably attempt to answer her question in his role as her advisor, so she nipped that in the bud. "Do you still have affection for me, beyond that for the mother of your child?"
He paused before responding. "Even when I was utterly confused, or agitated, by certain things that have transpired, it has not changed my feelings for you."
His words slowed the rapid pulsing of her heart. "So is that a don't marry some noble, I love you ?" she joked.
Cullen turned to her, and he was stoic. Lavellan feared the worst and stiffened. "Don't marry some noble, I love you," he replied softly.
"You love me?" Lavellan asked, deadly serious. She thought she had heard him clearly, but she could not stop the doubt that creeped in the far corners of her mind.
"I… do you love me?" Cullen responded hesitantly.
"Yes!" she exclaimed. "I love you."
Lavellan stood on her tippy toes and reached up, clasping at the shoulders of his coat to pull him down to her level. She stole a kiss, and while at first he seemed surprised, Cullen warmed up almost instantaneously and returned her gesture with matched fervor. She melted into him, but they eventually had to come up for air. Lavellan leaned into Cullen, her head nuzzled against his armored chest, and he wrapped his arms around her as they overlooked the hustle and bustle of the interior of the fort below.
"I wish I could spend the day with you," she told him.
"Me, too. But the reports, and I have a meeting…"
She twisted to face Cullen. "Play hooky with me. Please."
"Don't you have…" Lavellan's puppy dog look must have worked as intended, for he gave up and smirked. "Alright."
They took refuge in Cullen's office, and he was able to scare away any messengers with an imitation of the growl he had during his worst bouts of lyrium withdrawal. Giddily, like fools in love, Cullen pulled her toward his desk, where they passionately reclaimed each other's lips. His hand traced circles on her thigh before it came to rest at her breasts, and she let her fingers roam across his chest and back. Suddenly, Cullen stepped away and proceeded to sweep everything off of his desk onto the floor. Papers fluttered everywhere and a mug cracked. Lavellan stood agape, but not for very long, for Cullen picked her up and laid her down across the cleared surface of his desk. He loomed over her, and they resumed their kissing. Lavellan helped him shrug off his cloak and unbuckle his armor all the while, and then it was his turn to peel off hers. With only their clothes on, she could truly feel the outline of his body pressed against hers, as she ran hand a hand across his muscles. When he tugged at the lacing of her shirt, opening it wide, she could not stop a squeak from escaping her. Lavellan closed the gaping neckline, and Cullen stilled instantly and got off the table.
"I'm sorry," he apologized, and his tone and sudden pallor indicated mortification and shame. "I should have asked first. And if you did want to, I know sometimes it's not safe… and I'm sorry. I definitely did not want to pressure you…"
Lavellan pushed herself up into a sitting position, clutching her shirt with one hand. "Cullen. It's safe for me, so I've been told. Not that I've tried it. I'm a little surprised that you would be fine with it."
"It doesn't bother me. Why would it?"
"I don't know," she sighed. "I guess a part of me is also nervous because you've never been intimate with me before. If we were to have sex now, the first time would be when I'm... I don't know how I'm going to feel. And I look like this."
Lavellan gestured at her face and body. Scars lined her skin from head to toe from numerous injuries sustained here and there, and then there was the other matter of her changed physique. Her cheeks and lips were full, and her nose had widened. Her stomach looked like she had swallowed an enormous melon, and her belly button was now firmly outward. While Lavellan's chest was the largest it had ever been - she could have skipped a breastband before - so were her legs, which were nearly always swollen these days. That was all to say that she felt extremely unsexy. However, in a cruel twist of fate, her desire burned stronger than ever.
"I think you're stunning, and that hasn't changed since I first met you," Cullen complimented her, blushing even though they had been entangled mere seconds ago. "But whatever we do or don't do is entirely up to you."
She fidgeted with the lacing on her top, mulling the idea over. "It's not that I don't want to," Lavellan explained. "I really do. I love you and trust you."
Cullen gave her a nod and bent to the floor to begin retrieving pieces of their armor that littered the office. He got up and held out her chest plate to her. His expression showed no signs of annoyance, offense, or expectations. His patient understanding further kindled her fire. Lavellan grabbed the chest plate out of his hands to only throw it across the room, where it smacked the wall with a loud metallic clang. Cullen startled, and Lavellan giggled. She jumped up on him, encircling his waist with her legs, and thankfully he caught her despite being unprepared.
As she kissed his neck, he asked with a tremor, "What-"
Her lips moved to his, answering him in between pecks. "Let's. Do. This."
"Are you sure you're sure?" he hesitated.
"Yes," she responded with enthusiasm, claiming his mouth, but Cullen drew back and lowered her to the ground. She was flooded with disappointment and rejection.
"Stop," Cullen laughed, running his thumb along her frown lines. "I just thought we might take this upstairs where it's more comfortable?"
"Oh. Yes," she answered with a grin. He held her hand as he led her to the ladder to his loft, her heart beating fast.
Tangled in Cullen's bed, happy, drowsy and spent, Lavellan felt a sharp kick to the ribs.
"Ow," she complained with a chuckle, rolling down the sheet to expose her stomach. She poked back at the spot as Cullen watched through half-lidded eyes. "Do you want to feel?"
Lavellan was embarrassed that she had not offered earlier. He hadn't asked, but she hadn't exactly been welcoming either. She reached for his hand and pulled it toward her gently, placing it over her skin. Baby, however, had other plans and made no movement.
"It's okay, another time," he mumbled.
She held tight on this hand. "No. Come on, nug. I know you're listening."
"Nug?" Cullen laughed. "Do you have other names in mind for her or him?"
"You know everyone keeps asking, but I have been putting off thinking about it. I guess I had hoped we could come up with it together."
"And you still don't want to know if it's a boy or a girl beforehand?"
"No. Leave some mystery."
She felt a kick or a punch in her lower stomach and quickly moved Cullen's palm there. The baby relented with another kick, and Lavellan was elated to see Cullen's eyes widen before he smiled with joy. "Hi, little Hebert or Gertrude-"
"Yeah, we need to talk about names," she sniggered.
"I'm all ears." She released his hand from her grip, but he kept it there on her stomach, searching for more movements from their child.