I'm Sorry, But Did You Die?
"Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them."
~ Leo Tolstoy
.8
There was no time to grieve properly. No time to regain bearings. There was too much to do. So little time to do it. Tsuyuko is sent to the fronts as a medic within weaks, with this comes a promotion to special jounin. A desire to bury herself so deeply in her duties so she doesn't have to deal with her grief.
Minato at fourteen was already a jounin, he'd gotten the promotion with his mastery of the second time space seals, is given an apprentice in the shape of Hatake Kakashi. Sakumo asked Jiraiya, so Kakashi would have someone if something happened. The kid was a genius and child geniuses needed to be protected. Jiraiya agreed because it kept Minato in the village for the most part and far away from the fronts. Tsuyuko is glad, one less person she has to worry about.
Nawaki's injuries sustained during the second war left him unable to participate in long-winded combat. He'd never reach jounin, he would be a chunin forever. Tsuyuko was just glad he was still alive, even if he himself was upset over the matter. He hadn't wanted her to go.
"Nawaki had I been with Himura then he'd still be here now, if I don't go more of our friends are going to die." Nawaki balled his fist and swore.
"Don't fucking die. You hear me Tsuyuko. Don't leave me behind." She'd wrapped her arms around his neck giving him one more tight hug before leaving.
Tsuyuko makes no promises.
…
"Ow you could be gentler, healer." She grits her teeth together as she stitches up the man's hand. Tsuyuko thinks this is Mikoto's husband, Fugaku the Uchiha heir. But she isn't sure, the Uchiha all looked pretty damn similar.
"Tsu doesn't do 'gentle'. Be nice to her Fugaki or you'll end up with a scar." Tsuyuko glares at Shikaku as he enters the medic tent, not yet paying full attention to his appearance. How the fuck did she end up on the front line with these idiots? All of the Ino/Shika/Cho trio and the Uchiha heir. Sure she loved the trio but they tested her patience on a daily bases for the amount of stupid injuries they got. Even Fugaku was giving her trouble, he's broken up two fights in the last two days. Everyone here was getting tired. They'd been on the fronts for months.
Her scowl is stopped midway through with one look at Shikaku's bleeding face. "What in the seven hells?!" Because one hell wasn't good enough it seemed. Tsuyuko barks orders at the other medic in the tent, a younger boy who was essentially undertrained and her assistant, to come finish the stitches on Fugaku's arm.
"We met a not so friendly lady with claws." Inoichi informs her as he enters the tent with Choza behind him. Fuck that.
"Injury report?" She asks hastily, forcing Shikaku to sit as she goes.
"Nothing too serious, Shikuka got the worst of it." She tsk at them. Unbelievable.
"Don't even start." Shikaku grunts as she cleans his face quickly so she can access the damage. Tsuyuko tsk at him. No way in hell was she letting this go.
"You three had one job. One. Don't get hurt, be careful and yet here we are." She nags. Fugaku snickers from his corner of the tent, he gets a dirty look from the Nara heir.
"Tsuyuko we are fine, it's not serious, the wound is superficial." He tires and she keeps on with her erratic fretting.
"That is for me to be the judge of. No sit still and let me work."
"What a drag." She ignores his complaints. Instead focusing on his injuries, which even with iryo- ninjutsu were going to scar. Not as bad as it would have been without iryo-ninjutsu.. But still. Scars nonetheless.
She accesses his other injuries next, dislocated shoulder, a few scrapes and bruises. Nothing life threatening. Tsuyuko pops his shoulder back into place without warning. Shikaku cries out in pain.
"A little warning next time Tsu!" He hisses at her and she glares. She was not in the mood for attitude right now.
"I'm sorry, but did you die? No. Get over it Kaku. Ino it's your turn I can see your favoring your fucking left again, no serious injuries my ass. Get the fuck over here." Inoichi knows better than to try to protest. No one got anywhere with Tsuyuko when she was pissed, not even Minato. She barks another order at her assistant and the boy quickly goes to check on Choza who had sustained the least amount of injuries out of the three of them.
"That's why you're my favorite." She tells half seriously and he misses the almost hurt expression on Shikaku's face that has nothing to do with his injuries.
Inoichi does not.
…
"How's your shoulder?" Tsuyuko settles gently next to him much later that evening. She looks semi apologetic, but he knew she wouldn't say sorry. He knows why she's on edge.
"It works. I heard about Itoka-sensei…" The other medic in their camp had died while out in the field, which meant Tsuyuko and the poor kid were the only medic in their camp. She leaned into his side, resting her head on his good shoulder. He knows she'd intintualy sat on that side. Tsuyuko slams her eyes shut, trying not to think about the shape Itako had been in when they'd been brought back.
She wouldn't ever forget the smell of melted off flesh. Iwa shinobi played nasty.
"Reinforcements will be coming soon. Rotations are just have to make it until then." Is all she says. Shikaku can feel the weight of her words. She's three years younger than him, her words shouldn't sound that heavy.
"How's the kid doing?" Her apprentice of sorts, he was a chunin medic in training. Tsuyuko's responsibility now.
"He needs more training." Is all she says, eyes still shut. Shikaku snorts. Of course she would think that.
"Headache?"
"From the depths of hell itself."
"Ah. Get some rest, I'll keep watch. Wake you if anything happens."
"That's your job." He chuckles, wrapping his arm around her so his hand is resting at her crown. Shikaku plays with her hair instinctively.
"Not this time."
…
Tsunade arrives at their camp a couple of days later with more medics and the new rotation,Tsuyuko almost cries. "You look like shit kid." The sannin tells her without missing a single beat. Tsuyuko chokes back her emotions. Well at least her outside looked like her insides.
"I feel like shit." Tsunade shakes her head and motions for the few medics she's brought with her to follow. She gives Tsuyuko a look. Considering something briefly.
"Did you rearrange the supplies?"
"Only once. It works better now." The girl promises and Tsunade rolls her eyes. Sure it did. Tsunade would be the judge of that.
"Congrats kid you survived your first stint as a wartime medic. Go get some rest, your group leaves in a few days."
Tsuyuko cries in relief the moment she's alone in her tent. She was finally going home, after almost ten months on the front lines she would be glad to be back in the village. Gods she couldn't fucking wait.
She'd get to spend a birthday in the village for once.
…
Tsuyuko sleeps for over twelve hours once they're back in the village. When she wakes, she showers again, and then catalogs her current appearance. She traces the scar along her lower abdomen just above her hip with a frown, her one and only skirmish with an enemy shinobi had ended with her taking a life and scar to remind her what she'd done to stay alive. There was nothing she could do about it currently.
She grabs the only black article of clothing from her closet, a dress that reached just below her knees with long sleeves. Tsuyuko generally favored colorful neutrals, greens, burnt oranges, mustard yellow, blue or brown. Black was not a color she wore a lot. The color she reserved for mourning only.
It was time she visited Himura. She could no longer push dealing with her grief aside. Not when she was finally home and could properly deal with her emotions now. Her orders for the front had come immediately, she hadn't had the time before. But she had it now.
She owed it to herself, to Himura, to every single person she couldn't save to grieve properly so she could move on.
Tsuyuko visits the stone alone. She leaves lilies on a grave. She prays for their souls, that they are able to find peace. She cries. Then she picks herself off the ground and goes forward. There was nothing she could do for the dead now. Nothing more that they could do for her.
Tsuyuko has to move on. It is all she can do to keep going. If not however was she supposed to focus on those still living. How was she supposed to make sure they stayed that way?
There was nothing more she could do for the dead, but there was a lot she could do for her friends who were still alive.
XOXOX
I had a lot of feelings after I finished the last chapter. I'm going to miss Himura…
Thank you for reading! I appreciate all the support and love so much:)
Also disclaimer: I own nothing but Tsuyuko. Also I haven't been proof reading because I have a toddler who demands lots of attention and I haven't been able to proofread before posting.
~LaRae