Notes:

(1/3)
The girls go forth and back and forth again.
A little reprive before the storm.

I'm playing a bit with the usual timeline of CPD, for the needs of my story and Vanessa state of mind I can't fit all of the action in 48h.
Thanks for the follows and the comments!
We have 2 more coming!

She actually never prepared for this moment, and she feels silly now for not having thought about it.

The week had been hectic, she had barely seen her makeshift roommates who were pulling all-nighters at the district and coming home only to shower and catch some sleep.
Most of that time she would subtlety avoid them pretending to sleep whenever they would come home. Although from what she gathered from their whispering was they weren't really close to breaking the case.

Yet, the biggest news after all this, their house was cleared from the CSU yellow tapes now, they were done with the place and had documented everything they needed.
So today was moving day back to Hailey's flat.

They said their goodbyes and thank yous to Kim and were now stationed in the driveway of the house.
"Ready?" Hailey's voice breaks Vanessa out of her stupor. She doesn't say anything, she just sits there.
"Vanessa?"
"I … Yes... let's do this."
"Ok then", replies Hailey with half a smile.
But of course, as soon as they make it to the door Vanessa freezes in place.
"Hey... are you ok?" asks Hailey while rubbing her arm, "If you don't feel like it, we don't have to do it."
"I don't think I can..." she says breathing rapidly, " I don't think I can come back in here", the tears are mounting, but she refuses to let them overwhelm her.
"I, I can't be here... I can't... I can't" she is now walking backwards from the entrance.
Her vision is tunneling but she doesn't stop, she needs to make it to the safety of the car.
How could have Hailey drove her here?
How could she think she could step in there?
She was livid and trying to prevent herself from spiraling down into a panic attack.
"Hey, hey Vanessa, I'm so sorry, I'll...I'll just drive us back to Kim's, ok?"
Hailey was trying to catch Vanessa's eyes but she was fixated on the road before her. Her nails firmly planted in her palms, refusing to look at her friend.

"We're on our way back... so sorry its last-minute will explain later".
Kim thought she'd be more surprised, but she isn't, she hadn't even had the time to tidy the guest-room after their leaving, so instead, she just changes the bedsheets, takes a quick shower, and orders in burgers for when they'll arrive.
Were they all pretending this was somehow a good idea? Going back to the crime scene like it was nothing?
It has been a harrowing week, she just wanted to take a bath and have the time to center herself and plan for the following Monday.
They were approaching Week 1 since they had started their investigation on Vanessa's case and it wasn't going anywhere, and Vanessa was due back in Squad the next day.
Now with the moving debacle, Kim doubted she had the strength to shoulder it, she was trying so hard to play it cool, to act normal, she wasn't saying much but it was clear she was putting all her efforts and trying to be normal...
An hour after they'd left she heard the girls ringing back at her door, roughly 5 minutes after the delivery guy.
They didn't make a big fuss of the aborted operation and Kim broke the awkwardness showing them how she went overboard with her order and had gotten a bit of everything, food is always a good answer when everything is fucked up.

It was unclear to the girls if Vanessa was eating anything at all lately, truth is she wasn't.
She had spent nearly a week not sleeping at night, numbing the pain with the usual cocktail of painkillers, she would usually find sleep at dawn and would wake up 5 hours later or so, with ambitious plans for the day.
Clean the flat, get groceries, prepare dinner for the girls, go for a run, meet up with a friend...
But day after day it turned out she couldn't, she couldn't go out, get groceries, cook dinner, or go for a run or meet up with a friend.
She couldn't do anything really, and everyday she was setting herself to fail more than the day before with the list of things she wanted to do growing every time. She was used to numb herself through pain in being hyper active, but this time it was like she was moving through a sea of lead and grayness and silence.
She would spend whole days not hearing her own voice. Not even her own crying, because after that first day she made a deal with herself, he got all her tears and cries that day and she won't give it anything more; so when she had failed at everything else, she would try to watch a show on Netflix, but would realize her thoughts were always trailing away, like in a hurry to catch a trainm train that would always going to the same destination. Not quite full-blown flashbacks, but just going over there, around that area in her mind, and she would stop herself and bring herself back to the present until it happened again. She needed to stay busy but she had nothing to do, for the first time of her life she had nothing to do, she wished it was under any other circumstances than this one.

Considering the circumstances, they were not having a bad evening, it was nearly joyous and light, Kim and Hailey were completely flatlined from their week, but in the end, despite what he had said, Voight had freed them that Sunday, most of all their fresh leads have dried out and so far nothing was hinting to a possible escalation, so maybe they deserved a little break.

Converting the couch into a bed, the girls prepared for a lazy evenning, Hailey spread like a sea-lion, let Vanessa use her as a pillow, while Kim holds a tray with the extravaganza of fries and wings on her laps. They are passively watching some type of survivor type of tv show and actively avoiding talking about their younger colleague freak out at the house. They could talk it out separately the next day, and figure out where to go from there. But tonight they all deserved some respite.
It was the first time in the last five days the three of them were actually together and they wanted to enjoy that, even though a wave of dread was creeping little by little.

"How's the arm?" this was the most indirect way Hailey had found to ask her friend how she was feeling about coming back the next day.
Vanessa turns her wrist several times, "I don't feel the pain anymore, I'm not 100% but it can work".
"Right, but you know, you could get an extension at med, there's no need to rush back," Kim says, her eyes moving from Hailey to Vanessa.
"Haha! I wish, but wasn't Halstead back like 2 days after being shot in the shoulder? They're gonna say I'm milking it forever!" answersVanessa laughing, but deep down her gut, she wasn't so certain she was ready to come back. She didn't know how to feel about that. Part of her wanted to stay in her little limbo, where there's quiet, and no one to perform for most of the time, and no talking or touching, where she could choose to be social with the girls like now or not, but the other part of her was aching to go back to real life, so this would be over, she wasn't elated per se about her condition but she was thankful she had the time to process, but if she'd took on the advice and went on to get a sick leave extension, she was afraid she would never make it back to work, or anywhere.
So yes, she was ready to go back.
They joked about Jay's propension of being shot on the job and moved on from Vanessa.
It was nearing 10 pm, and there was no chance they were leaving the comfort of the couch now, and surely enough the two older women fell asleep where they were sitting leaving the younger one battling against her demons until she also passed out later on, soothed by the feeling of being cared for and protected.

Most of her bruises were fading away, and depending on the light you could barely see the ones she'd sustained on her face.
She was sitting shotgun in Hailey's car while Kim was following them on her own, they had stopped for coffee to mitigate the stress weighing on all of them; but still when they arrived at the district, Vanessa felt the same knot on her belly like the evening before when they had tried and failed at moving back to their flat.
She was wondering why she was putting herself through that. Will she be able to sustain anyone pushing her buttons? The stress of the job? What will happen with the case? She kept on thinking they would just drop it when all the leads went dead, but when would that be?
She was spiraling on her own head when Hailey hand found hers and told her "You are not alone, don't forget that, ok ? If there's anything just come find me." Vanessa inhaled deeply and nods.
"Let's do this".