Chapter 8

Mustering up all of the courage that she had, Elizabeth stepped foot into the saloon. She had been dreading this moment, ever since she had discovered her true feelings for Nathan.

Elizabeth knew, in her heart, that sharing her honest feelings, with Lucas, was the right thing to do. She had been hiding, behind her fears, for far too long, and the time had finally come for her to face them. Although she had been praying about it all day, Elizabeth still had no idea what she was going to say Lucas.

As soon as she stepped foot, into the saloon, her gaze immediacy fell on Lucas. He was standing only a few feet away from her, with a broom in his hand.

Once their eyes met, Elizabeth feared that she was about to lose all of her nerves. However, before she could decide on what to do next, Lucas put the broom down, and walked over to her.

"Elizabeth! This is a pleasant surprise. What can I do for you this evening?"

Searching for her words, Elizabeth spoke "Um, hi Lucas! I was wondering if maybe we could talk privately, for a few minutes?"

"Of course! Would you like to sit down? " Lucas asked, motioning towards the couch.

"Thank you," Elizabeth said, as she followed him to corner of the room, away from where his remaining customers were sitting.

As they found their seats, on the couch, Lucas ventured "So what would you like to talk about?"

Taking in a deep breath and saying a quick prayer, for guidance over her words, Elizabeth began.

"Well, first of all, I wanted to explain my behavior towards you yesterday. I realized that I was very rude, before you left, and I wanted to say that I'm sorry! Lucas, you were right when you guessed that I had given my students an early recess, in order to cut our conversation short. That wasn't fair of me, and for that I deeply apologize..." her voice trailed off then.

Looking a little confused, Lucas asked her "Elizabeth, why would you do that?"

"I did it, because I was trying to avoid the truth. It had been a very stressful few days for me, and I thought if I could find a way to shorten our conversion, that I might be able to avoid it."

"What do you mean by that exactly?"

Choosing her words very carefully, Elizabeth answered him.

"Lucas, I... I feel like my actions, over the last year, have been giving you the wrong impression..."

Her voice trailed off again.

"And what impression would that be?" Lucas asked, raising his brow.

"The impression that this, meaning our friendship, is something more... more than just a friendship."

"Elizabeth, what are you trying to say?"

"Lucas, you mean a great deal to me, and I couldn't be more grateful for all of the times that we've spent together. You've been a true friend to me, during a time when I needed it the most, and I can't thank you enough for that."

"I sense that there's a "but" coming..."

Nodding her head, Elizabeth looked at him, with pity, and let the words spill off of her tongue.

"But... I've recently come to the realization that our friendship can never be anything more than that. Lucas, the truth is that, I've been too afraid to be honest with myself, and now that I have... it... it just wouldn't be fair to you for us to be anything more than friends."

As the words of truth filled her heart with ease, Elizabeth searched Lucas's face for any indication as to what he was feeling. Although she knew that it was the right thing to do, she felt so bad for him. He had always been kind to her, and she hated to hurt him.

As the reality of what she had just said hit him, Lucas asked "Does this have anything to do with what happened with Nathan the other day?

Feeling surprised, by that question, Elizabeth answered honestly, "I'd be lying if I said that it didn't…"

"I see. Well, that's just very unfortunate then. I really thought that you and I had something special, Elizabeth."

"I know... I'm really sorry, Lucas! I never wanted to hurt you... It's just that I had been so confused about my feelings for so long. I didn't know what to do. Then after I thought that Nathan was gone... well, I knew I couldn't hide from my true feelings any longer."

"Did you ever have any sort of feelings for me at all, or was I just a distraction, while you were figuring things out?"

"Lucas, of course I did! I wouldn't have agreed to spend so much time with you, if I had 't felt at least a little bit attracted to you. You're a very charming man, and your generosity touched my heart. The fact that you payed so much attention to me gave me a renewed sense of confidence in myself, that I never thought I would get back."

"That may be so, but it wasn't enough to win your heart..." Lucas's voice trailed off before adding, "I guess Nathan was always the better man."

"Lucas, it's not about who's better. I was interested in both of you, for very different reasons. Things have just always been different between Nathan and I... but that's not your fault. You're very important to me, Lucas, and you always will be. I just hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me."

With a distant look on his face, Lucas took a deep breath in, "It's going to take some time, Elizabeth. I really thought that things were starting to change between us... but I guess that I was wrong. Nathan is a lucky man. I just hope that he realizes what he has."

Elizabeth nodded in reply, not knowing what else to say.

"Well, if that's it then, I guess I'll bid you goodnight. Although I'm not too thrilled about this, I do appreciate your honestly."

Standing up, Elizabeth gave him a sympathetic look, "I really am deeply sorry, Lucas!"

"I know. Goodnight Elizabeth."

"Goodnight, Lucas."

With that, Elizabeth walked out of the saloon feeling a little bit sad, about how things had ended, yet feeling much lighter than she had in a long time.

It was almost noon, by the time that Nathan and Bill rode back into Hope Valley. Although they had left their camp at dawn, it had taken them an extra few hours to get back into town, due to the fact that one of the main roads had been washed out by a recent flood.

Nathan noticed that the closer they were getting to town, the more anxious he was becoming. He knew that in just a few short hours, he would see Elizabeth. That thought brought a great deal of anticipation, as well as fear, to his heart.

As they rode back into town, Nathan checked the time and saw that school would be breaking for lunch soon. After considering his options, he decided that it would smarter for him to wait until after school, for him to pick up Allie. As much as he had wanted to check on his niece right then, he knew that it would be better if he waited. Besides, he still needed a few more hours to recuperate, from his trip, before seeing Elizabeth.

Dismounting, in front of the jail, Nathan and Bill tied their horse's reins to the front post.

"It sure is quiet around here!" Bill noted.

"I know... That's what I was just thinking too. Where is everyone?" Nathan asked.

Just then, the door to the infirmary next door opened, and Carson stepped out onto the street.

"Nathan! Bill! Welcome back! Did you guys just ride in now?"

"Hi Carson! Yeah, we hit a few roadblocks on the way home, so it took us a little longer than expected, to get back." Bill answered.

"I see! Well, it's good to have you both back in town. Things around here have been pretty quiet since you both left. I think everyone is still processing what happened."

As Bill and Carson continued their conversion, Nathan stood there listening. He wasn't really sure what to say.

Then out of the corner of his eye, he saw Lee walking towards him.

"Nathan, hi! It's so good to see that your back in town. How are you?"

"Hi, Lee! I'm doing just fine, thanks! How about you?"

"I'm doing well! I was just on my way to lunch, when I saw you ride into town. Have you eaten anything yet? I was wondering if maybe you'd like to join me?"

Looking towards the direction of where Bill and Carson had been talking, Nathan realized that they had gone into the jail.

"Well, I was just gonna go settle some things in the jail, but I suppose I could eat first."

"Great! I was going to meet Rosemary for lunch, at the café, but then she called to tell me that she was too busy to get away, so I'd appreciate the company."

As Nathan walked into Abigail's Cafe, with Lee, he was greeted by a string of townspeople, all welcoming him back and wanting to know how the trial had went.

By the time that him and Lee had finally sat down to eat, Nathan was feeling drained from all of the questions.

"You look beat!" Lee observed.

"I am... it's been a rough few days, to say the very least."

"I can't imagine! And I'm sure that all of those questions didn't help either…"

"You're telling me! It's exhausting having to try to explain everything… and then there's the looks, from everyone, which I'm sure to keep getting."

"People care, Nathan! There's nothing wrong with that."

Nathan scratched his head, as he pondered what Lee had just said.

"I know that I should probably be more appreciative, but I don't think I'll ever get used to the feeling of people pitying me. That's just not something that I take very kindly too."

Lee nodded, in understanding.

"I completely understand what you mean! After my accident, it seemed like everyone around me started treating me differently. They all looked at me with sympathy and pity. Even Rosemary made me feel like I couldn't take care of myself, after the injury. It made me feel like I was half a man, simply because of the fact that I couldn't control the situation."

"Exactly! That's how I've been feeling. I knew that coming back and having to face everyone would be difficult, but I didn't realize just how much my inability to control the situation, in that moment, would impact those around me."

Lee's face turned serious.

"Nathan, I know you must be blaming yourself for what happened, but it wasn't your fault. You had no way of knowing what was going to happen. In much the same way, that I had no way of knowing that that tree would fall on me, when it did. The fact of the matter is that sometimes things happen in our lives, that are out of our control. But that doesn't mean that we should just sit back and let our inability, to control certain situations, ruin our life's. The way I see it, you have two choices here. Either, you can continue to look down on yourself and allow your thoughts to make you believe that everyone is pitying you. Or, you can choose to forgive yourself and allow the sympathy of others to help you heal. It's your choice."

Letting Lee's words sink in, Nathan began to understand what he was saying.

"I can see your point, Lee! I agree that we can't control every outcome in our lives, only God can do that. But, I also think that forgiveness is easier said than done, especially when it involves other people."

"That is true! However, that doesn't make it impossible. You need to allow yourself the same grace that God gives you every day. If He can still love and forgive you, despite your imperfections, then you should be able to do the same."

"I know you're right... it's just a lot to take in right now."

Lee looked at him with compassion, in his eyes.

"You've been through a lot these last few days! It's totally understandable if you still need some time to process everything."

"Thanks, Lee! I really appreciate your thoughts."

"Anytime! I'm happy to help."

The sun was shining through the windows, of the schoolhouse, as the school day was coming to a close. It had been a particularly easy day of teaching for Elizabeth. She wasn't sure if it was her lesson plan, for the day, or her calm demeanor, which had allowed the day to flow by so smoothly, but, nonetheless, she was grateful.

Ever since her talk with Lucas, the night before, Elizabeth had felt a peace in her heart, that was hard to ignore. Although it had made her feel sad, that she had to hurt Lucas, she felt so much calmer and lighter, after telling him the truth.

Suddenly, Elizabeth felt as if she could breathe again. It reminded her of the Bible verse, in John 8:32, which says "And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."

Although Elizabeth had certainly felt free, from hiding behind the truth, there was still one more thing that she needed to do. She needed to free herself from the fear, that still kept a hold on her heart, and admit her feelings to Nathan.

Throughout the morning, Elizabeth was very much aware of the possibly that she might finally get to see Nathan today. Although she was very excited about getting to see him, it also made her incredibly nervous, at the same time. It was overwhelming to think about what might happen, once they finally saw each other again. There was still so much that needed to be said and talked about, between the two of them. The possibilities, as to where their next conversions might lead, seemed to be endless.

Despite her anxiousness, Elizabeth found herself anticipating Nathan's arrival. She kept sneaking peaks out the window, whenever she had a chance, hoping that she might catch a glimpse of him. Elizabeth knew that Nathan would come by to see his niece, as soon as he was able too.

With that thought in mind, Elizabeth turned her attention back to her students, as the last few hours of school dragged on.

Once school was finally over for the day, Elizabeth dismissed her class, and then she waited by the front door of the schoolhouse, in order to say "goodbye" to her students. She had made it a priority to always greet each one of her students individually, at the beginning and ending of each school day. Elizabeth wanted her students to know how much she cared about them, and that was just one way for her to show them that.

As Elizabeth was about to head inside, to check on her remaining students, she looked up and saw flash of red in the distance. Then doing a double take, she looked up again and saw that it was Nathan.

In that moment, her heart skipped a beat.

As Nathan got closer, their eyes met in a locked gaze. For a second, neither one of them dared to blink or speak, they were both lost in each other's eyes.

Then, suddenly feeling her nerves get the better of her, Elizabeth heard herself say the only thing that came to mind, "Hi!"

"Hi," Nathan responded back, with a hint of a shy smile.

However, before they could say anything else, Allie came out of the schoolhouse and ran into her uncle's arms.

"Uncle Nathan, you're back! It's so good to have you home. I've missed you!"

Shifting his gaze away from Elizabeth, Nathan looked down at Allie.

"Thanks, Allie! I've missed you too... it's good to be home!"

Elizabeth didn't hear much after that. She was so distracted by the gaze, that they had just shared, that she barely realized what was happening. Allie had somehow convinced her uncle to take her fishing, before Nathan even had a chance to object.

As Allie was about the lead him away, Elizabeth's mind cleared enough to speak again.

"Nathan, wait!"

Turning around, Nathan looked at her, with a raised brow and a longing expression.

"Yes?"

"Can we talk later?"

Then, as if her question had given him a sense of confidence, he nodded his head and gave her shy smile.

"I'll come by!"

After that, Allie dragged Nathan away, leaving Elizabeth alone with her thoughts.