Chapter Nine
"I'm glad they're together. Bellamy is a good person. He's the best choice."
"I agree. I know Miller loves him a lot too."
"He'll make a fine father. I hope it happens soon."
"And you'll be a great grandparent, Abby."
Bellamy did not intend to eavesdrop. But apparently neither Abby nor Jackson has noticed that he's entered med bay. Hearing all this praise almost makes Bellamy feel uncomfortable. But it's not unwelcome either. He smiles at Jackson's declaration that Miller "loves him a lot". The kind of friendship Bellamy has with Miller involves a lot of slapping each other on the back and wrestling; certainly there have been no verbal proclamations of brotherly love.
Clarke follows just a moment later; someone grabbed her in the corridor to ask a question so she wasn't able to walk in with Bellamy. Now that they are both inside med bay, Abby and Jackson whirl around and greet them.
"We're here for our check-ups," Clarke says.
It has been 24 hours since their implants were removed, so they are reporting to med bay just for some quick tests to ensure that they are well. Not long afterwards, both Bellamy and Clarke are pronounced well and healthy, and sternly instructed by Abby to come back in a week for another check up.
"Are you off to class now?" Clarke asks Bellamy.
"Yeah. Randall's expecting me. Math still isn't my favorite subject, but he insists I'm good enough to teach so…."
"You'll do great," Clarke says.
Bellamy can't help but to smile. Clarke has a supportive hand on his arm as she says the words. And the way she's looking at him. It's warm and sweet and is making Bellamy's heart jump. This morning they did not have a "practice session" like they did last night, which is making Bellamy look forward to their second go at it even more.
"What about you?" he asks her.
"I'm going to sit in on Darryl's engineering class." Clarke looks wistful for a second as she adds, "I almost miss Jaha's classes. He was good at breaking stuff down. But Darryl's not bad, and I've got a lot to learn about engineering."
"We all do." He shrugs, "I still wish Raven would teach a class, but I think she's got her hands full just keeping all of our systems running."
"Yeah." Clarke looks down for a second and then back at Bellamy. "Do you want to…practice again today?"
"Yes!" Bellamy says, and he knows he has practically bolted into the air as he replies. He doesn't have to guess at what Clarke means by 'practice'. He does, however, silently remind himself to tone down the enthusiasm just a bit.
"Good. Uh, maybe when our classes are over? Or we could wait till tonight if you prefer…?"
They have spent many an afternoon playing chess, so Bellamy can't stop himself from answering, "Well, it would beat playing chess so…."
"You're right," Clarke says, and again there's a glint in her eyes. As she turns to head for engineering, she looks back at Bellamy and adds, "But I will get you to love playing chess someday."
"Yeah. Someday."
Bellamy walks towards Randall's classroom knowing it will be a struggle to stay focused and wait for his rendezvous with Clarke.
"I'm glad Bellamy skipped combat practice today. A man in love is the worst opponent."
Octavia says the words to Miller that afternoon as they practice sparring in the gym.
"What about me?" Miller asks. "I'm a man in love."
"Yes, and I usually defeat you!" Octavia says, and Miller knows that she is correct.
They finish up their session and head towards the sidelines for a break. Miller fills two canteens of water for them, and Octavia gives a few pointers to two young cadets who are practicing. And then Miller and Octavia are able to enjoy their break on the sidelines, sitting back and watching the cadets.
"It was Indra who said that," Octavia says, taking a swig of her water. "About men in love making poor opponents."
"Yeah, yeah," Miller says, not unkindly. "'Love is weakness.' I get it. Don't know if I agree with it or not, but I get that it was practically a grounder mantra."
Miller then pauses and adds, "I'm sorry. I know you're still hurting over Indra. Didn't mean to just dismiss her words."
"I am," Octavia admits. She takes a breath and tilts her head up. "I don't know if I agree with it either. The idea of love being weakness." She pauses. "Maybe it's a weakness. Maybe it's a strength. Maybe it's both."
"Both," Miller says, his gaze fixed on the cadets. "I think it's both."
Octavia turns to look at him. "What is it like for you? When you're early in a relationship?"
If Miller is surprised by the question, he doesn't show it. He's just quiet for a bit before answering, "Well, I guess most grounders would just say I'm a damn fool. Because the relationship means a lot to me. Love means a lot to me. I still think of Jackson all the time. Try to remind myself that I have a life outside of the relationship but…well, yeah, we're really devoted to each other." He smiles, "Like right now, I'm enjoying sitting here with you and I got a lot out of our practice session. But part of me wants to be with Jackson and is wondering what he's up to. Even though I don't understand most of the workings of med bay," he adds with a bemused smirk.
Octavia listens silently. Miller continues on, "But yeah, I don't know - is being in love a weakness? You know what Jackson threatened to do, right before Praimfaya, if they didn't bring me in from the stockade, right?"
Miller continues upon seeing Octavia nod. "Does that make us weak or strong? Would I have been bumped up on The List if Jackson hadn't made that gesture? Did his love save me? Maybe, maybe not."
Miller turns to look at her and then asks softly, "You've been through it before? Right?" He doesn't say Lincoln's name.
"Yeah. I was just wondering what it's like for other people though, when they first fall in love." Her thumb plays with the lid of her canteen. "So you sometimes feel like…you can't get enough of the other person? And do you worry you'll…lose them someday?"
"Well, yeah…I mean I nearly lost Jackson to Cooper's poison. Before that he nearly lost me to Praimfaya. More than once the two of us have wondered if we're idiots for letting ourselves fall in love when…when it's so easy to lose someone in this world." Miller's tone leaves no doubt that he knows he's walking towards dangerous territory when he begins, "Do you…do you want to talk about Lincoln?"
"Not right now," she answers. "It's just that…" and here Octavia lets her voice trail off.
"Just that what?" he prompts gently after a bit.
But Miller guesses that Octavia has decided not to explore this topic any more today. One of the cadets signals her, and she gets up to demonstrate a move that they need assistance with. Miller watches her and wonders why Octavia brought the topic up. He's glad she did – he'd like to see her opening up more.
But it's not like her to do that much. He wonders if she could be hiding something.
"Octavia! It's beautiful!"
Octavia surprises Niylah with a gift that afternoon. She has gradually been scavenging parts to make a necklace. Octavia has found bits of glass, pieces from electronics – anything that has a pretty color to it and shines. She's been careful with her scavenging, not telling anyone what she's looking for and not letting them see her do it. She's strung the pieces together into a necklace and presented it to Niylah today.
"I'm so glad you like it," Octavia says. Looking at Niylah's face is pure pleasure for Octavia. Niylah is holding the necklace up to the light and admiring it. She's clearly pleased.
"I would ask you how you did it, but I'm sure that I know," Niylah says in a low voice that Octavia has to admit she finds sexy.
"Slowly and gradually, and lots of sneaking around while making sure no one saw me," Octavia admits.
"That is quite a lot of work," Niylah says admiringly, her eyes wide. She then turns around and lifts her hair so that Octavia can put the necklace around her neck.
"It was," Octavia admits. She kisses the back of Niylah's neck, unable to resist doing so now that it is revealed. "But I got to dream about seeing you wear it." She places another kiss and then steps back so she can fasten the necklace's clasp.
"I wonder," Niylah begins, slowly turning around. She runs her fingers through her own hair, perhaps to get it back into position, perhaps to simply emphasize it since she knows Octavia likes her hair. "Perhaps the necklace would look even better if it was the only thing I was wearing." She raises her eyebrows and begins removing her shirt.
"I might've had that thought once or twice when I was searching for the pieces," Octavia admits, tilting her head. "Thinking of how it would look against your chest…"
"Really?" Niylah asks, and again Octavia could only describe her voice as throaty. "Hmmmm…." She looks down and cups her breasts. "How does the necklace look now?"
"Tantalizing. Get over here!" Octavia groans, pulling Niylah in for a kiss and greatly looking forward to what will come next.
"This is better than chess."
"This is a lot better than chess."
Bellamy and Clarke are in bed together. They have hours to go before dinner but, as they discussed this morning, they have decided to "practice" today instead of playing chess or pursuing any of their other usual hobbies. They have ended up with Clarke lying on her back and Bellamy on his side, facing her. She is stroking his arm.
"You know, you said last night that it can take a while before two people really get it down," Clarke begins with a smile. "But we seem to have gotten the hang of it fast."
"Yeah," he says. He's looking at her beautiful face and he cannot believe what he's seeing, what he's experiencing. Just like last night, their coupling was amazing. They started, again, with kissing. Lots of kissing. They talked about what they wanted. He asked if she liked being stroked with fingers, she said yes, and he was happy to oblige. She gave him feedback to get the stroking the way she liked it. Clarke later asked if he wanted to try a position other than her on top, and Bellamy said he was good to try pretty much any position. So she asked him to get on top this time. He lasted longer than he did last night. Bellamy is still just awed by the kissing alone. It was more expressive and explosive than any he's ever experienced and it meant so much more to him than the mechanics of "the act".
"I love when you tell me what you like," he says softly.
"Me too." One of her fingers reaches up to trace various freckles on his face. "You're easy to please though," she smiles.
"Am I?" he asks, teasingly. He then begins to worry. Does she want someone more firm or strong or….aggressive in bed? The warmth starts to drain from his body a bit. Was Lexa like that, and was that something Clarke loved about her? Or Niylah or any of Clarke's other lovers before that – were they aggressive and demanding? Does Clarke want that, instead of someone so easy to please? And so eager to please.
"What's wrong?" Clarke asks, removing her finger and scrunching her brows.
"N-nothing," he says, not meeting her eyes. Then he thinks a bit. Not communicating isn't going to help, he knows. So he says, somewhere between a statement and a question, "Just wondering if you think I'm too easy to please."
"No!" she insists, shifting her position so that she's on her side now, looking at him. "I-I've liked everything about our…practicing. I didn't feel you're too easy to please."
"Okay, good," he says, exhaling. He tells himself to relax. Maybe he has taken one offhand comment too seriously.
"You will…tell me if there's something you do or don't want, right?" Clarke asks.
He is taken aback by the anxiety on her face. She's really worried, he guesses. Her eyes keep searching his, almost desperately.
"Yes," Bellamy answers. "I promise I will." He laughs a bit, "I really am down for almost anything though."
"Nice," Clarke smiles. She pulls him towards her for another kiss.
The next morning, Major Costa requests to join the Council at their post-breakfast meeting. He periodically meets with them to provide updates, but he has something else on his mind today.
"I think it's time that I select a second in command," Costa begins, with characteristic directness.
"A second in command? Is that necessary?" Kane asks. "There are only 20 official members of the guard. In a population of 99 people."
Bellamy watches Kane as he speaks. With Kane's background as a military man, he's clearly interested in the topic, leaning forward. And Kane is correct, Bellamy knows, that 20 people are officially members of the guard. Kane, Clarke, and Bellamy himself all can fire a gun or step in to break up a fight if needed, but they aren't considered officially on the guard.
"Succession planning is never a bad idea," Clarke speaks up. "We never know what can happen. Jaha's death was unexpected. And you and Jackson were poisoned."
Bellamy admires the way Clarke says the words. He guesses that she's trying to be soft (since Abby still blames herself for Jaha's death and since bringing up the poisonings isn't an easy topic either) and yet she's firm. She speaks what needs to be spoken.
"I agree," Abby says. "There's no harm in it. We don't know what we'll see when we open the airlock in four and a half years. Aside from sandstorms," she adds with a smile.
"Alright," Kane says. He turns to Costa. "What did you have in mind? Did you want to open the position up and let anyone apply for it, or reach out to a few guards who you're considering?"
Bellamy likes the way Kane says the words too. He's not taking umbrage at his council having different ideas than the one he initially expressed. He's let himself be won over by the logic in Clarke and Abby's words.
"There are two logical candidates in my mind," Costa says. He takes a quick glance at Bellamy before continuing. "Octavia's the best fighter, but I don't know if she'd want the job. Running the guard has less to do with fighting skills and more to do with creating schedules and overseeing training and figuring out how to motivate people."
Whenever his sister is mentioned, Bellamy feels an instinctual jolt of emotion. It's a reaction, same as if he touched a hot stove and needed to move his hand away. He tells himself to listen to Costa's words and try to tamper his emotions. It's what Clarke would say to do, he knows.
"Octavia doesn't love structure and rules and order," Bellamy admits with a tilt of his head. He silently adds, 'At least not ours. When she was Indra's second, she took to it differently. She's never had much love for Skaikru, and I sure as hell don't blame her.'
"Right," Costa replies. Again, his manner is simple and direct. "She is good with the cadets though. The other candidate I had in mind is Nathan Miller. He's solid and steady and reliable."
"Yes. I would like to see," Kane begins thoughtfully, "a little more…fire from Miller. I don't know if he has the desire to lead. A good solider doesn't necessarily translate into a good leader."
"I don't know if he even thinks of himself as a leader," Abby says, looking at Kane. "But that can change. I think the potential is there, with Miller. He has the discipline and the work ethic."
Costa stays and discusses this with the Council for a bit longer. They agree that he will approach Octavia and Miller, separately, to gage their interest. They also agree that there is no rush, so Costa will take his time – and allow Octavia and Miller to take their time thinking through their options as well.
"It's so nice to be doing preventive care. Instead of urgent care."
Jackson speaks the words to Miller one afternoon as they leave the gym. Miller has just taken Jackson through another self-defense lesson. Both are off-duty for the rest of the day and it's a few hours, still, until dinnertime so they are simply walking the corridors of the Ark now.
"I bet it would be great to never see another bullet wound," Miller speculates.
"Yes. And – well, everyone's doing really well since having their implants removed, so I'm glad for that," Jackson adds.
It has now been two weeks since birth control implants were removed from each member of the three couples. The couples came in again today for one last post-surgery check-up. And although timing varies for everyone, it's possible that any of the three women might begin to conceive soon. With few pieces of news to excite them, most members of Skaikru talk eagerly about the possibilities of babies. It was like that, Jackson remembers, on the Ark back when it was up in space too. Given that babies were a controlled and scarce "item", the topic made most everyone excited back then too.
Jackson and Miller talk a little bit more about the subject before Jackson changes gears. "Have you," he begins, "thought more about what Major Costa asked?"
Miller is quiet for a few beats, and when he answers he continues to look straight ahead and not at Jackson. "I just don't know," he says. "If I really want it or not."
The two have kicked around Costa's offer a bit during the past two weeks, but Jackson has been careful not to pressure or push Miller on it.
"Do you….know what's keeping you from wanting it?" Jackson asks softly. "I don't think it's the extra work. I've never seen you shy away from work."
"That's not it. Hell, sometimes I'm bored – wouldn't mind extra work."
Jackson is quiet, hoping his silence might encourage Miller to speak. And finally Miller takes a breath and answers, "I don't want it to mess up my friendship with Octavia. If she wants the job," he shrugs, "I won't fight her for it. So I'm just waiting for her to decide."
He stops walking, and Jackson follows suit. Miller places a hand on his arm. "Tell me you don't look down on me for that. Tell me you don't want a guy who's more ambitious. Who's not such a softie that he puts his friendships first like this." Miller's voice and his eyes seem to plead a bit, though there's strength in them too.
"Hey," Jackson whispers, putting both of his hands on Miller's shoulders. "I love you the way you are. I'd never want or ask you to be someone else."
Miller seems to absorb the words. He then opens his mouth. "Would you do it? If there was another doctor your age who you were friends with, and Abby wanted a second in command?"
"I would," Jackson says without hesitation. "If I thought I was the best person for the job, I would."
Miller shrugs. "Okay. What if you and the other doctor were equally qualified and you just….didn't feel some kind of way about who got the job?"
"Well, that would be different, I guess," Jackson admits. "Just…keep in mind that friendships can get through something like this. It doesn't have to hurt your friendship with Octavia. It might make things feel weird," he adds with a smile, "but you can get through it. Especially if you talk to her about it."
"I know," Miller says. He shakes his head and continues to search Jackson's face. "You gave me the thing I needed the most just now. Just the reassurance that you're okay with whatever I decide to do."
"I am," Jackson says resolutely.
"Second in command of the guard…for the people who floated my mother and put me in prison for the crime of having been born."
Octavia states the words flatly to Niylah one afternoon.
"But that was a…a different time and a different place. I don't think it's a bad idea," Niylah says. Her voice contains a hint of eagerness and excitement.
"I want to be back with Trikru. I want them back, every last one of them," Octavia says, scowling. "I don't want to be making schedules and having planning meetings with Costa."
Niylah takes a step closer to Octavia and puts a hand on her arm. "But my people are dead," Niylah says quietly. "Pike murdered Lincoln. And then Praimfaya took every last one of the others. Indra. Her daughter Gaia. They are all gone. Trig will be a dead language, dying out when you and I stop speaking it."
"Then let's never stop," Octavia insists, speaking Trig.
"Fine," Niylah agrees, also speaking in Trig. "But that doesn't change the fact that every member of the 12 clans died in that deathwave. So why not step up and be a leader of the guard? You can honor Lincoln and Indra that way. You will always be Trikru."
Octavia takes a breath and begins pacing the room. "Damn," she says, shaking her head. "I was seriously leaning towards saying 'no'. But you've almost convinced me."
Niylah's eyes follow Octavia as she paces. She searches Octavia's face as she speaks again. "There's something else. I can't stay in this room all the time anymore. I know…I know you did it for 16 years. But it's time that I come out. If you were second in command of the guard, it could…only help our cause."
"No," Octavia says firmly. "I won't let anything happen to you." And then she almost pleads a bit when she adds, her eyes imploring, "Just – just four and a half more years. You can do it."
"Octavia," Niylah begins gently. "We talked about this before. Once we can leave the Ark, there still won't be any food or water anywhere but here. So it's going to be longer than that, longer than four and a half years. You can't stay on half-rations. I need to come out. Your people have enough supplies for me. Jaha is dead and Cooper is on half-rations and they're allowing three women to get pregnant."
When she finishes speaking, Niylah takes a step towards the door. Octavia reflexively moves, blocking her. "I will not let anything happen to you!" she says, fire in her eyes.
"Octavia," Niylah says, and this time her voice isn't its usual gentle and dreamy self. It's firm and it seems to contain a strong note of what could only be described as warning.
Perhaps because she is so unused to this tone from Niylah, Octavia steps back a bit. She looks her lover in the eye. "Okay," says, holding her hands out. "Let me do two things first. Let me get this promotion. And let me ask the Council – hypothetically speaking – what the punishment would be for…a crime like this. Let those two things happen and then we can talk. And plan for you to get out of here."
Niylah remains frozen for a moment. She then nods and sits down on the bed. "Okay. Go out and get that promotion then."
"Every damn meal for the rest of my life I get to sit at a table with three couples. Couples who are disgustingly in love."
Raven makes the proclamation one evening during dinner. Their table arrangement hasn't changed since Praimfaya with the exception, of course, of Jaha's passing. Raven and Octavia take each meal with Kane, Abby, Miller, Jackson, Clarke, and Bellamy.
"Come on, Raven," Miller says, grin on his face. "Clarke and Bellamy are just friends though, right?" His nudges Bellamy's arm with his elbow.
Smiles and smirks are shared among the tablemates. Octavia, sitting across from her brother, even taps his boot with her own and asks, "Are you blushing, brother?" She's clearly enjoying this ribbing as much as Raven and Miller seem to be. Even Kane and Abby don't seem phased by the teasing conducted by the younger contingent – if anything, they look somewhat amused.
"Just a totally normal friend-thing to do," Miller goes on, not sparing the sarcasm. "Trying to have a baby with your bestie."
"That's enough, Miller," Clarke says.
Bellamy glances at Clarke. His face is indeed hot. He tries to unpack Clarke's signals a second ago when she told Miller to cease. She seems, Bellamy guesses, more bemused than irritated.
Bellamy doesn't mind the teasing himself, at least not that much. He has no complaints about the past couple of weeks. He and Clarke have definitely found their footing. They've learned that they prefer early afternoon for their 'practice' sessions – although more than once it's happened before bed or right when they wake up. They always kiss a lot – it just happens naturally at every stage. Like they did their first time, they just talk and communicate about their wants. Clarke is never shy about telling him what she needs to climax, and he's happy to do it. And yeah, Bellamy guesses that he is practically glowing most of the time because all of this – from getting to kiss Clarke passionately to helping facilitate her orgasms to enjoying his own – just feels so right to him. The best part is that she's never in a rush to get up afterwards, and they will often remain on the bed together, entwined, talking about nothing in particular, and kissing more.
If it means letting his friends tease him for it, that's nothing that Bellamy is going to worry over.
Octavia's happy for her brother. She knows that he and Clarke don't want to talk about what is obvious to everyone else, the fact that they are in love. She understands the reasons why. She had her own heart ripped out when Lincoln was murdered, and she's not about to judge anyone else for denying their own emotions for the sake of their sanity.
She also understands Niylah's insistence on coming out of the room. Today at dinner, Octavia actually felt a stab of what she could only term jealousy, wishing that she and Niylah could join the other three happy couples. It would probably drive Raven to finding another table to sit at though, Octavia can't resist thinking.
In any case, she has a mission tonight. She taps Miller's shoulder. "You got time to talk before the movie starts?" she asks him.
He nods, and they soon find themselves heading towards a quiet corner where they can speak undisturbed.
"What's on your mind?" Miller asks.
Octavia takes a split-second to search his face. Miller can be a tough one to read, she thinks. His countenance is almost always easy-going and even-tempered, if snarky and sarcastic too. She's not sure what really phases him at this point – other than the obvious, such as the way he was not himself during the time Jackson was in a coma. But even then he wasn't prone to outbursts or displays of emotion. She can see why Major Costa likes his steadiness. Miller's not a demanding or overbearing man and he would, Octavia begins to think, make a good second in command.
"The job as second in command. I want it," Octavia states straightforwardly. "So I was wondering what your plans are."
Miller sighs and glances around before turning back to Octavia to meet her eyes. "I keep going back and forth, Octavia," he admits. "My dad would tell me to go for it. Jackson tells me he loves me no matter what I decide." He shrugs. "I can't really decide."
Octavia is silent for a moment as she continues to look at Miller. "I really want it. Would you…support me in it then? Since you're ambivalent."
Miller answers, his voice soft and serious, "If you want it, go for it. I won't stand in your way." He smiles, "Maybe someday if you take over the guard, then I can be your second in command." He quickly adds, "Not that I want to see Costa going anywhere any time soon!"
"Thank you. I'll talk to Costa tomorrow."
"I'll go with you," Miller insists. "That way he knows you have my support."
Soon after that, it's movie time. Octavia and Miller take their seats. As the room darkens and the film begins, Octavia wonders if this all seems too easy. She can become second in command of the guard and she can approach the Council – which her own brother sits on – to ask about punishment for a hypothetical crime. But what if she doesn't get the answer she's hoping for? And what if Niylah truly cannot handle being confined any longer? Octavia herself was able to endure sixteen years of this because she knew nothing different. What will Niylah be like when it gets to be too much for her?
TBC