Chapter 9: Careful
A/N: Y'all I gotta stop staying up till 6 A.M. to write and finish chapters, but i really enjoy writing and this story means a lot to me so I'm excited to get to the really intense parts of what I have planned haha. Anyways, Thanks for reading and hope y'all enjoy!
*Song: Hello My Old Heart by The Oh Hellos
The morning light that poured in from the windows was harsh to Ben's tired eyes, raising his throbbing head slowly off the floor he peered around the room. Apparently he hadn't made it to his bed and had passed out in the living room after getting very drunk with Leah on FaceTime, "Fuck." Looking at the mess of art supplies and many sloppy drawings surrounding him he'd been hard at work as well. Bringing a hand to his face he huffed a sigh, they were absolutely caked in charcoal and pastel.
Ben nearly jumped out of his skin as someone pounded on his front door, he figured that had been what had dragged him from his black out. "Swan, open up!" He rubbed his temples, his headache growing every second he was conscious. Getting to his feet carefully he stepped around the night's fallout, bare feet padding across the cold wooden floor. He shivered, whoever was at the door better have a good reason for waking him.
Pulling open the entrance he grimaced as he was blinded once again, of course the one day that's sunny in Fork's had to fall on the day of his hangover. Shielding his eyes he looked up at the man on his stoop. "Oh, hi Sam." The older man stared down at him from over his cheeks, he was instantly uncomfortable and very aware of the fact all he wore was a sweatshirt and probably looked like an utter train wreck.
"Hard night?" Sam had always been the blunt one. He pushed his knotted bangs back reflexively before remembering the state his hand was in. He pulled it back to his side, "Yeah, that's one way to describe it. Um...what can I do for you?" Ben didn't want to be rude but he wasn't exactly feeling up for small talk.
"Get dressed and meet me back out here, I'm going to take you to Emily's." He was caught off guard by the words for many reasons but the biggest was the fact that they were spoken like an order. "Why?" He tried to keep the frustration out of his voice, but it leaked in. Sam took it in stride though, "Leeches were spotted in the area last night and until we track them down you need to be on our land. That's where it's safest." His hand gripped the handle with white knuckles at the word, his rattled brain sprinting into panic mode even though he knew it wasn't possible.
"We've never encountered these ones before, not sure if they'll stick around so we're just taking precautions." Letting out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding he looked back up at the man. He'd read him like an open book, "Ok, just give me a few minutes." His teeth found his bottom lip, "You can come in if you want. I was going to put on some coffee."
Sam looked him over for a few heartbeats and then ducked under the low entrance. He closed the door and locked it before trailing in after the man, "Sorry for the mess, it was a busy night." Making his way to his nest he stared down at his sketches. Jacob in both human form and wolf form stared back at him from a dozen different angles, looking at several of them he could tell where he'd fallen asleep. His face suddenly felt very hot and he made quick work of stacking all the papers together so he could hide the evidence.
After storing them in a portfolio binder near his desk downstairs he strode over to the small kitchen to get started on the coffee. He could feel Sam's eyes on him from where he stood at the little bar. He'd become friends with Seth and was on his way to being friends with Paul but he hadn't really spent time with any of the other wolves, he wasn't really sure what any of them were thinking about this...situation.
Flipping the coffee makers switch he made sure it was working before making a b-line for the sink. He rolled up his sleeves and then poured a hefty amount of soap on his grimy hands. Scrubbing vigorously at his palms he watched the black suds fall off into the water while thinking about the night before, he'd been such a mess and Leah had sat so patiently while he cried like a baby and babbled about his drama. He truly did love that girl and missed her more everyday they were apart.
"What's that on your arm?" The words pulled him from his thoughts, he looked down at his bare forearm and then froze. The shimmering silver crescent shaped scar stared back at him, he'd been so distracted that he'd pushed his sleeve up too far. He flicked the water from his hands into the sink and then turned to towel off his hands. "Just some paint, guess I got it on me last night." He tried to not seem panicked as he pulled his sweatshirt sleeves back down. He tried to not think about how the wolves already knew what the scars looked like because of the matching one on his hand he'd got his junior year of high school.
"The coffee should be ready soon, I'm just going to go change." Ben attempted to keep his heartbeat and footsteps steady as he made his way up the stairs to his bedroom. Closing the door quietly he turned and rested against the wood, "Smooth." Pulling himself free of the sweatshirt he tossed it on the bed and then made quick work of getting ready.
After brushing his teeth and fixing his stubborn hair he pulled on a pair of torn and patched black jeans, a long sleeve black shirt and an oversized band T- shirt he'd obtained at a small local show. While living in Seattle he'd discovered the punk scene and had spent many nights at cheap local shows working out his feelings in mosh pits with Leah before walking around the streets till the early hours of the morning. He'd gladly left khaki skirts and blouses behind him after finding his freedom.
Pulling the door back open he made his way back into the kitchen in search of his own comforting cup of coffee. He needed something to nurse this hangover and warm him up. Seth stood in the same spot but this time he held a mug. Ben couldn't help snickering at the one he'd chosen. "What's so amusing?" The man looked at him from over the brim of the cup as he took a sip.
"I just like your choice of mug, you have good taste Uley." The cup was one he'd made for Leah as a joke, but she'd snuck it into his boxes while moving. When he found it she defended herself by saying she'd need a mug here when she visited.
Sam rotated the cup so he could read the words on the front. His face went from a serious mask to slack jawed disbelief. "I just picked a random mug, I didn't even look at it! Why do you have this?" It was too much, Ben broke into hysterical laughter. The words 'Furries do it better' were written in glitter rainbow and set against a black background and seeing Big Sam Uley look at them with such a horrified face was about the funniest thing he'd seen in months.
The man set the mug down on the counter and then cleared his throat, "Well, if you're ready we should go." He sucked up breath, tears streaming down his face from how hard he'd laughed. "Y-Yeah! Can I get a picture first though? Paul and Seth would love this." Sam narrowed his eyes at him but he could see a small smile trying to form. "Ha ha, I don't think so."
Smile still broad on his face he picked a to-go cup out of his cupboard and poured some coffee and creamer in it. "You should have seen Leah when she unwrapped it on her birthday a couple years ago, she made about the same face you just did." Screwing the lid on the cup he grabbed it up and then stumbled for his boots, backpack, and jacket.
"Hold on, I need to make sure I have everything in my bag." Unzipping the pouch he looked inside, "Damn, where'd my sketchbook?" Then it hit him, he'd left it on the table at the garage yesterday after running out. He'd completely forgotten it and left it open for the entire world to see. Or worse, for Jacob to see.
"Uh, Sam...did y'all happen to find a sketchbook at the garage yesterday? I think I forgot it." The man shrugged as he opened the front door for him, "Not sure, but I can check with the guys though." Ben nodded, quickly walking to his desk to grab a different sketchbook so he'd at least have something to work in while he silently freaked out.
…
Sam pulled Ben's truck up the dirt drive to the familiar house. He'd only been here a handful of times in the past, but he'd always liked it. Emily was one of the sweetest people he'd ever met and had always been nice to him, he wondered how she would react to him being here now.
Once they were parked he slid out of his seat and swung his backpack over his shoulder. Sam stepped around from the other side of the cab, meeting his eyes. "I have to go, but Emily will be waiting for you just inside." He nodded at the wolf and began trudging up to the front steps. "Ben." His feet planted in place as he looked back over his shoulder, "Yeah?"
Sam ran a hand through his hair before answering, he noticed then just how tired the man looked. "Keep an eye on her for me would ya?" Their eyes met and for a moment they just studied each other, Ben understood. "Yeah Sam, of course." He tipped his chin ever so slightly and then turned for the woods behind the house.
Turning back towards the stairs, he forced his legs to move again. He knocked on the door with his knuckles and then took a step back. From inside he could hear voices and the clattering of dishes, "It's unlocked! Just come on in!"
Shaking out his nerves he pushed the door open gingerly. The smell of food and fresh coffee wafting into his face as he stepped in, causing his stomach to growl. Tossing his boots among the other shoes he made his way to the kitchen in the back of the house, heartbeat speeding up with every step. "Hello?" He called out to whoever was listening, not wanting to sneak up on anyone.
Emily stood with her back to him, hands busy with a spatula and pan. She peered over her shoulder at him, a blush racing across his face as he met her eyes. He'd forgotten how beautiful she was and seeing her now it almost seemed like she was glowing. "Hey Ben, it's good to see you." She picked up the pan and carried it to the island behind her. He immediately knew why Sam had asked him what he had, and why she practically radiated light. Emily's round stomach was accentuated by her apron, looking at her he figured she had to be at least 7 months along. She laughed as she spooned eggs onto two plates. "Need help picking your jaw off the floor, hun?" He hadn't realized his mouth had fallen open and he quickly shut it with the sound of teeth clacking together.
"Sorry, just wow...Congratulations!" She gave him a reassuring smile and then turned to grab some toast out of the toaster. "It's ok, you should have seen Sam's face when he found out." Picking the plates up with gentle hands she carried them to the dinning table in the middle of the room and set them down. "I figured you wouldn't have had enough time to eat anything this morning before he dragged you down here, come and eat."
After setting his backpack out of the way he hurried to the table. Pulling a chair out he sat down, "Thank you, it smells amazing. Then again your cooking always was amazing." Grabbing two mugs she set one in front of him and then in front of her own plate, "Coffee?" He nodded gratefully, "Yes, please." She poured them both a mug full and then finally sat down herself.
Taking a sip of his second cup of coffee of the day, he tried to think of something to say. He'd never been very good with starting conversation though. "How are you adjusting to being back?" He set the mug down and picked up his fork, "It's been alright, I've been getting a lot of painting done. Leah left a couple days ago so I've been trying to get used to her not being around 24/7." He shoved a spoonful of eggs into his mouth, maybe mentioning Leah was a bad idea but he knew she had to already know everything the wolves did.
"I'm told you've become quite the artist, I'd love to see some of your work." He swallowed and looked up at her. "Emily, can I ask you something?" She nodded and leaned back in her chair. "Of course."
He fiddled with his food, pushing it around with his fork. "Why are you being nice to me?" He could see her pick up her coffee in his periphery. She took a long sip and set it back down before answering, "Would you prefer that I give you the cold shoulder?"
Pushing another bite into his mouth, he thought about it. "I'm not sure to be honest. I just...I thought I'd come back here and I would be this hated traitor, but you and the guys have all been rather kind all things considered. All except.." He swallowed hard, setting his fork down he took another sip of coffee. "Well, I'm sure you know."
"You were a kid back then and from what I've heard, well...You've been through enough and you haven't been with them in nearly half a decade. You've been living with Leah and rather she likes it or not she's one of us." She spoke to him calmly, and then slowly reached over the table to lay her hand on his wrist. "Also, Ben you're one of us now too...rather you like it or not."
He looked at her hand, the scars lacing up her arm reminding him of his own. He shifted his plate and then reached his other arm over so he could rest his own scarred hand on top of hers. "The imprint scares me. He never wanted this, Emily. I feel like I made a mistake coming back, because I tied him to someone he never loved. He fell in love with Bella, but she doesn't exist anymore. I feel like I cursed him." He wasn't sure why the words were tumbling out so easily, but something about her made him trust her immediately. He understood why Leah had loved her so much, and why she continues to love her even if she doesn't know how to mend their relationship after so many angry years.
"It's not a curse, sweetheart. No one is really sure why imprints exist and how they're chosen but i think...I think we're what they need and they're what we need. I think we compliment them and fit them perfectly and they fit us. I think that's why he imprinted on you and not on Bella, she wasn't who he needed. Yes he loved her, but he'll love you more if he allows himself." She wrapped her hand around his and squeezed, "If he just allows himself the opportunity to know you."
He sniffed a laugh and squeezed her hand back, "He looks so empty, what happened to him?" She sniffed a hollow laugh, "He became an alpha of boys forced into manhood. They've seen things and experienced things we only go through in nightmares. More boys phase every year, and they just keep starting younger and younger. Our most recent was only 13 and he already looks like he's 18." She retrieved her hand and ran it over her face, "I worry about them all everyday."
Pushing his plate back in front of him he stared down at the cooling food, a mix of feelings spreading through him. "Do covens of them come through often?" She nodded, "Usually just small groups but they'll run through the area every couple of months but it seems to be getting more frequent. The guys usually take care of them quickly but it doesn't stop the effects. Sam was supposed to stop phasing before the baby got here, but they can't lose a veteran right now."
They sat in silence for a moment, the weight of their worlds weighing on their shoulders. Forcing the last of the food into his mouth he stood and carried his plate to the sink. "Can I help you with the dishes?"
Her chair scraped as she stood and carried her own plate over, "I'd appreciate that, Thank you." They gave each other half hearted smiles, "Happy to do it."
…
Several hours passed and between helping Emily in the kitchen and sketching her while she talked he barely noticed the time or his fading hangover. Being around her was as easy as being around Leah, he could get used to spending time here. He was pulling chicken from the oven when the back door clattered open. Several pairs of footsteps and voices could be heard and soon the room was filled with big bodies. He set the platters on the big table and then caught Seth's eyes, he gave him a big sunny smile as he pushed over to him. "Hey bro!" The wolf picked him up in a big hug, nearly squeezing the oxygen from his lungs. "S-seth..air!" He set him back down on his feet with a chuckle, "Sorry!"
Emily squeezed between them, "Help your brothers carry the rest over, Ben's been helping me all morning and would probably like to sit down." The wolf bowed to her dramatically and then walked into the kitchen. "Go ahead and sit down, hun. You've helped enough." She winked at him, but he stopped her. "If anyone needs to sit down I think it's you." She rolled her eyes and batted him away playfully, "I'm fine, now sit sit!" He smiled and gave in, squeezing his way into a chair near the end of the table facing the kitchen.
He watched the wolves move around the small space, impressed with how easily they got around each other and the house itself. They always had been oddly graceful, something he'd always envied.
With the last of the food on the table they all began taking their seats and mounding food onto plates that seemed too small for their huge hands and mouths. He watched with fascination as they all consumed mouthful after mouthful. Seth squeezed in next to him, "Better fix your plate before these animals finish it all off." Paul sat across from them and laughed, "Yeah Ben, If you're not careful Quil over there might actually eat your plate too."
Quil peaked around from the other end of the table, "What can I say? I love to eat." They all groaned, "If you try stealing off my plate again today, I will stab you with my fork." Embry sat next to him and held the object up to him, making Quil put his hands up defensively.
The table was full of laughs, jokes, and banter and it made Ben smile. He couldn't remember the last time he enjoyed being around a group of people in a setting like this, it was nice. Bringing another mouthful of mashed potatoes to his lips he looked up and found paul staring at him. "Looking at something, Lahote?"
The man shrugged, "It's just interesting seeing how much you've changed ,Swan." He stiffened, "That a bad thing?" He took a sip of his drink and met those eyes again.
He shook his head, "Not at all, you're cooler like this. The last 6 years was your...coolification!" He grinned, seeming very proud of his word choice. "My coolification, huh?" He couldn't help but snicker, "I'm gonna start using that."
Paul went to say something else but the words died on his lips as the sound of the backdoor being opened echoed through the house. He looked around, noticing that all of the talking and eating had stopped. Peaking around the bodies he spotted the reason for the sudden silence. Jacob and Sam appeared from the hall, as aura of intimidation radiating off of them. The only person who moved was Emily as she made her way to them, "Sam!" He hugged her in protective arms, and suddenly he looked like a teenager in love again. They really were perfect together. Averting his eyes to allow them a semblance of privacy, he waited for Jacob to take his seat figuring that was when things would go back to how they'd been.
Footsteps moved towards him and that's when he realized who would be filling the empty seat beside him. His heart flew into a sprint and he tried his best to calm it, knowing that every supernatural ear would be able to hear his anxiety. He stared at his plate as the man took his seat and he fought the longing to climb into his lap and wrap himself in that heat. Every atom in his body felt like it was vibrating, and he dug his nails into his palm under the table in an attempt to distract himself. He was so close yet so far away.
Eventually the table returned to eating and some conversation but it wasn't nearly the same as it had been several minutes ago. He jumped slightly at the feeling of a hand on his, "Ben, you broke the skin." Seth whispered the words into his ear but he knew everyone as that table could hear them. His face flushed and he tried to not think about the blood he could suddenly feel on his skin. He would not pass out here, he would not. "Sorry." He balled the napkin in his lap up in his hand and tried his best to get up from the table carefully and quietly. As he stepped around the chair though his feet tangled and he fell forward. He braised himself for the harsh landing but it didn't come. He suddenly felt very warm and he little sparks of electricity were shooting through his hip. Opening his eyes he met onyx black and knitted eyebrows. Jacob had caught him by the hips before he could go down.
Everyone had stilled again, watching the train wreck in front of them unfold. Ben righted himself quickly, "Sorry." He repeated and Jacob just stared at him, face caught between that steel mask and something else. He hurried away towards the bathroom, suddenly feeling very small.
He closed his eyes while he ran the tap over his palm and then flinched when light tapping echoed around him. He opened the door and then stood back under the tap, he kept his eyes shut and didn't bother looking to see who it was because he had a feeling it was Emily coming to check on him. "Can you look at the water and tell me if it's still running red?" The door closed again and his entire body burst into flames, it hadn't been Emily checking on him.
"It'll probably bleed for a while, give me your hand." Jacob's voice was so loud in that small room, he couldn't be more than a foot away from him. He turned slowly, eyes shut tight for more reasons than just the blood now. The man wrapped his rough hand around his and he gasped, "You need to be more careful." Ben nodded, he didn't know what to say. He felt something soft touch his palm and then heard the sound of tape and tearing. He worked fast, "Ok, that should be good for now."
Ben waited for him to leave, waited for how to let go, waited for something other than silence at that touch on his hand. "Are you scared of me?" He ran the question through his racing mind, trying to make his mouth form works. "You're shaking." His eyes popped open, he hadn't even realized.
The wolf stood no more than 8 inches away, those eyes boring down on him with a million questions and feelings. "I...I don't know, Jacob. I don't think so." He swallowed thickly, "You intimidate me, and when you touch me…" He closed his eyes again, the feeling of unimaginable comfort washing over his body.
"I know." Jacob's words hung between them, he'd said a thousand things by only saying two words. "I want you to stay around the rez as much as you can while you live here, it's safest." He nodded again, trying to keep himself together. He finally released his hand and it dropped back to his side heavy as lead. The door opened and he quickly tried to find his face again, "I don't know what to do."
The man turned and looked at him again, studying his face with intense eyes. He looked so tired, Ben longed to wrap him up in his arms. "I don't either." He shut the door quietly behind him and he was left staring at the space between them. Finally his legs gave out and he made his way as carefully as he could to the tile floor. Pulling his legs to his chest he looked up at the ceiling.
Ben decided then that he might not know what to do or how to even begin figuring it out, but he would stick around and figure it out. He would try with everything he had left, because he wanted to and because Jacob was at least trying to reach out. He wanted to see that sunshine smile again. This time, he would be Jacobs lighthouse guiding him back to the shore. They would guide each other through this, and hopefully meet back on the beach and walk together to their secret spot. Maybe he'd even get to hold his hand again.