Chapter Ten: Call Me Iscariot
As Ryoma and Johan's explanations on the bare basics of the Grail System and Servants began to wind down, a crow burst into the grand halls of Himeji Castle, sparks trailing across its wings. Fixing its gaze on Johan, its beak opened and Trent's voice echoed from within. "SKRAW! Hey Johan, I found Smoldred, as well as the exorcists, and five of the Devil kids! We're going hunting for the other pieces of the Shitscalibur! SKRAW!"
Tilting its head to the side and ignoring the now gaping crowd, the familiar then burst into a pile of feathers.
"At least he didn't have it defecate on someone's head this time," Johan remarked dryly as he stood and flexed his own magic. As Devils, a Yokai, a revolutionary and a dragon looked on, the albino utilized his mastery over ectoplasm to create a broom and dustpan, then proceeded to sweep up the mess Trent's familiar made and dump it into a nearby waste bin, which was spilling its contents on the floor.
He then looked to Rias. "Correct me if I'm mistaken, but didn't the exorcists explicitly request that your people stay out of their search? Wonder what made them change their mind…"
"I'm far more interested in just what possessed those four to go against a direct order," the redhead replied, her arms crossed below her chest as her index finger tapped away at her elbow.
"I can't pretend that I know their circumstances," Johan said, slumping back into his beanbag chair, "but I'd have to have been blind to not notice how much anger Mordred's Master seemed to have for the exorcists and those…'Shitscaliburs', as Trent labeled them."
Rias's eyes slowly shut, her head shaking slowly as she murmured, "Oh Yuuto…" After a few moments, her eyes opened and she looked to her second in command. "Akeno, it looks like we'll need to mobilize in order to find those five and keep them out of trouble. Can you contact Sona and see about getting them involved? If I'm correct, the final member of their group is likely to be one of her Peerage."
"Of course, Madam President," the raven-haired Devil declared, giving a slight bow as she pulled her phone from her pocket.
Johan glanced to Ryoma, who met his eyes and gave a nod. "All things considered," Johan said, leaning forward, "we probably ought to move out as well. Leaving aside the particularly dangerous individual our group is here for, it wouldn't sit right with me to just sit around while other people do all the work."
Next to the Assassin sitting at the head of the table, who was mostly ignoring the byplay, the cardboard box shifted, the straw leading into it coming free. "Uh, Assassin, we, shouldn't we do something? I mean, we can, r-right?"
Osakabehime glanced at her Master—or rather, the cardboard box he was currently occupying—like he was some kind of Alloy Cog Liquid character. Even though she couldn't see the little dhampir's face, she knew he was pouting. "You're lucky you're kawaiiute," she grumbled, barely audible, before speaking up. "Fiiiine, Maa-chan. I can send out some shikigami to scout the city." She pushed up her glasses and shook a finger at Schrödinger's NEET. "But I expect proper compensation, you wakunderstand?"
"O-of course, Assassin," answered the box as it shifted again, this time looking to Rias. "Uh, Pres, A-Assassin says she'll help us if you get the special Mexico Macarena Valley Moist."
The lead Devil paused, her eyes closing as she took a deep breath. She then released it, and nodded. "That's acceptable to me, Gasper. Just make sure she doesn't drink it all in one day."
Okkie pouted, but notably didn't say anything. Johan had a sneaking suspicion this wasn't the first time she'd been called out for gremlin habits, and he also suspected it wouldn't be the last.
Thankfully, that wasn't his problem to deal with.
As Johan got back to his feet and stretched the kinks out of his neck, he wondered just what sorts of people they'd have to deal with during this treasure hunt.
…
Knowing their luck, it'd probably be someone absurd, wouldn't it?
-x-x-x-
"WELL HELLOOOOO! DEVIL SCUM AND SLUTTY BITCH NUNS!" screamed the manic, silver-haired man wielding a long, asymmetrical blade with a diamond cut in the center of the guard. Waving it around, he continued, "Time for you all to meet Lil'Rapi here, and then, I'm gonna rape your corpses on top of the shitty Devils!"
"Freed!" the Devils and Exorcists chorused in unison, sliding into battle positions, and readying their weapons.
Looking the figure over, Trent nudged Archer and remarked, "Is this manlet trying to threaten us?"
Rather than answering, Nobu just materialized a cavalcade of muskets and started blasting. The diminutive man blurred out of the way of the shots, laughing madly and blowing raspberries all the while.
Nobunaga clicked her tongue in irritation and flicked a hand, the muskets rearranging themselves into a different formation."Even if he is, Master, we should do away with the pierrots, so that our true prey might take the stage."
A crack of thunder echoed and red lightning arced in front of the fake priest, Mordred stepping forward as a snarl left her throat. "This one's mine, bastards. I can smell those shitty fake Excaliburs on him."
Lifting his hands up, Trent stepped back, while the Archer let out a hum, and studied the knight. She then followed her Master's example and allowed Saber free passage, her weapons disappearing in flashes of crimson flame. "Far be it from me to deny so fervent a plea. I'd be a poor ruler if I did."
"Like I give a fuck!" Mordred roared as she surged forward, Clarent coming down over her head as she tried to cleave Freed in twain.
Dancing to the side, the manlet let out a hysterical titter as he stuck his tongue out, wagging it at the Servant. For his troubles, he caught the Saber's fist in his face, sending him ass over teakettle.
The Exorcists and Devils stepped forward, clearly intending to interfere, but a curtain of flame flashed into existence between them and the melee. Tilting her head to the side and looking at them, Nobunaga declared, "Do you think I would just allow you to interfere?"
"Freed is a Fallen Exorcist, and he has one of the Excaliburs! You're overstepping yourself, fiend!" Xenovia growled, Durandal swinging around to point at the Servant's face.
With a single finger, Nobu pushed the weapon out of her view and smiled viciously as her eyes burned. Taking a step forward, she loomed in the blunette's personal space, her face shadowed to the point that her eyes were the only thing visible, crimson starbursts boring into the young lady's eyes. Heat rolled from her mouth as red dripped down the Servant's skull, colouring her hair.
"Listen here, child and listen well." A cherry of heat built up on the spot where she was touching Durandal, a faint hissing trickling below the sound of Mordred clashing with Freed. "It is neither Freed nor Saber that I am protecting. It is you and yours that I am keeping from harm, as Saber would take your skulls for latrines if you interfered."
Xenovia was forced to crane her head back as she kept looking up, seemingly entranced by Nobunaga's eyes, the now-taller Servant's red locks seemingly fanning out around her like a wildfire, flames licking at her temples as though suggesting a crown. The Servant let out something akin to scoff, "Now, consider this your warning. Overstepping one's bounds with me, the Demon King of Six Billion Worlds, is usually terminal."
"I—" the Exorcist worked her jaw, doing her best to speak as she shrunk away from the malignant presence threatening to burn her away.
Behind Xenovia, Issei leaned over to Saji and whispered, "Bro, I have the weirdest boner right now…"
"I know exactly why, it's sort of like when the Pres scolds me," the blond replied, a blush spreading across his cheeks.
"Besides, your interference is unnecessary," Nobunaga remarked, straightening up and smiling, back to her usual countenance, leaving behind only the faint smell of smoke as evidence of what just occurred.
Blood dripping down his face and nose, Freed let out a high pitched shriek as slung himself at Mordred.
Almost bored, she brought her blade up and through his, sending the now useless metal spinning across the ground.
"You bitch! You broke Lil'Rapi!" Freed screeched at the blonde, reaching into his coat. "Even after all the Light that old kiddy diddler Valper juiced me up on, you had the nerve to do that? Just for that, I'm gonna torture you as I rape you to dea—"
He was cut off when Clarent buried itself in his stomach, the stone-faced Servant wielding it stepping forward as Freed's now disembodied forearm fell to the ground, a small blade covered in a spiral of sorts held in its hand.
Mordred's steelclad foot fell on it, grinding it to pieces as she glared at the small, wounded man. Silently, she brought her hands around, gripped his head between them, and squeezed. With a disgusting cracking sound, Freed Selzen's head popped like an overripe zit. Mordred shook her hands as blood, brain matter and bone fragments sloughed off of her gauntlets.
With a fluid move, she hefted the corpse and pulled a straight-bladed longsword from his coat to chuck at her Master's feet. As the weapon dug into the ground, she declared, "As agreed, Master, that one's yours to destroy."
With a manic, slightly unhinged smile, Yuuto Kiba walked forward and stretched his hands out, as though in supplication. A bar of light came into being between them, rapidly elongating and distorting. As the light faded, a weapon was revealed.
It was too big to be called a sword. Too big, too thick, too heavy, and too rough; it was more like a large hunk of iron. With a feral cry, the Knight of Gremory brought his replica of the Dragonslayer down on Excalibur Transparency, shattering both into dozens of pieces.
For a long moment, the only sound was Kiba's breathing, as his chest heaved with emotion and exertion.
"Are you satisfied, Yuuto?" Rias inquired as she stepped into view, a carefully calm expression gracing her face. Beside her was a far more stern-looking Sona, while Tsubaki and Akeno stood at the ready behind them. Off to the side, Johan, Ryoma, and Oryou stood, the dragon flashing peace signs at the group.
Kiba blinked, mouth agape. "P-prez! What're you doing here?"
"I contacted Johan when I found you guys. Imagine if we'd needed back-up and they didn't know? It'd be a terrible mess," Trent interjected, flashing a thumbs-up at the rest of the group he'd joined up with while the majority of them looked at him in betrayal.
Johan snorted. "The one time you try to be responsible, you sell out the secret mission. Yeah, that sounds like you." He glanced at the headless corpse Mordred was standing over and made a face. "Eeurgh. Lemme just…" He gestured at it, then snapped his fingers, muttering, "Geistflame."
The fresh ectoplasm clinging to the still cooling corpse ignited with a whoosh, far hotter than any normal flame and charring the body to ash.
Trent looked down at the ash, and then up at Johan, after a moment, he declared, "It wasn't that bad. You remember what happened to Karna." Taking a moment, he then added, "Hell, you missed the clean up that needed to be done when Carmy got done with that dumb bitch Reika."
"First off, I don't think Karna's a fair comparison," Johan shot back. "Having one's heart ripped out through their dick is a pretty unusual set of circumstances."
Ignoring the full body cringes that swept through the gathered Devils (with one notable exception) and exorcists, he continued, "And as for Reika, I'm consciously choosing not to think about what Carmilla got up to with that psycho."
"Ri—" The blond stopped, his brow knitting in thought. "That bitch, she got on my case about feathers in the backseat, after making me clean up Reika."
At that moment, Akeno cupped her cheek and chimed in, "My, my, trouble in paradise?" Her smile widened predatorily as she gave an ominous "Ufufufu".
At that, Nobunaga clapped Trent on the back and gave a laugh of her own. "Worry not, Devil girl! Even if the paradises of Gods and Buddhas abandon my retainer, he will always have a place at my side in the Sixth Heaven of Desire!"