Apologies, so many of them for how long it's taken me to update Chapter 9. (It wasn't my intention to prolong this fanfic.) But with things revolving around my family life, I became distracted. So I can only ask that y'all please try to bear with me as I'm molding along with how life is rolling!
But a millions of Thank You's for still hanging around!
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of Kishimoto's creations or storylines, just my oc character's.
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The air was almost stifling as Tsubame entered the room that held both of her parents; whose rigid postures were intensely scrutinizing her six year old form from across the small table that lied nestled between them. Swallowing heavily to force down the ball of dread building from within her esophagus, Tsubame's light footfalls dared to wander even closer to the deathly silent adults - her palms already growing damp with sweat from her internal panicking.
Two steps later she nervously claimed the small pale blue pillow on the hard wood floors. "Chichi-ue, Haha-ue... I'm sorry for keeping you."
She was met with silence.
'Geez, Tsubame? "I'm sorry for keeping you?".' Her inner monologue sarcastically snapped out with brief agitation. 'Really'.
Fist clenching at her sides Tsubame dipped her chin downwards against her chest to avoid looking at their disappointed expressions, to avoid the hurt that she felt was coming. It was as if doing so would protect her from the emotional pain that had plagued her since her elder sister's passing two weeks ago. As if it would help shield her from the hurt her parents had unknowingly left her in as they threw themselves into the clan wars - leaving her behind with broken tethers that she had called bonds.
"Tsubame, look at the both of us." Her father's gentle rasp immediately grabbed ahold of her attention. "Look us in the eyes and promise to never bow your head before us again. You have no reason to hide from either one of us, musume."
Tsubame locked up at his words, frozen completely. 'Wait- what?'
"I've spoken with my brother," At this the man's broad shoulders drooped, as if the strings holding him had been cut. "And he has explained what wrongdoings your Okaa-san and I have laid upon you. I can only imagine how you feel about all of this and we both understand the hurt we've put you through..."
At this the chestnut haired man gnashed his teeth together; his left forearm tensing under her mother's right hand.
'What's going on here? Why is he saying these things to me?' Tsubame lifted her chin up to meet the grief filled eyes of both her parents before her. 'Why are they looking at me like this?' Those piling questions were soon answered by the soft hand of her mother's as the elder blonde reached across the low table to grab onto her trembling hands.
"We've made a grievous mistake with handling T- Tsubaki's death, and left you unprepared and unguided for the darkness of mourning.." Her mother's lips wobbled on her elder sister's name. "B-" The rest of her sentence was swept aside as her father picked back up his speech.
"Your sister and you have been raised since birth to understand the life of all Shinobi." His dark stare was swamped with layers upon layers of unspoken emotions, that even mimicked some of her own. "Death is the greatest risk once a Shinobi and Kunoichi step into the battlefield - as your sister, my parents, and siblings know first-hand. And though dying for a cause that most of us think just and honorable. It doesn't mean that losing them hurts less, especially ones own child."
The grief that oozed from his pores swept across the room and flooded Tsubame's senses, pulling her heart into too many directions all at once. But she remained quiet while her father continued to work through his heart-wrenching speech; practically speechless from both adults words of apologetic confessions. All the negative emotions that had viciously tore at her, were suddenly numb and limp once hearing such solemnity from her parents mouths, and expressions. Her once fierce, immense, anger towards their earlier actions was dimming to almost nothing - lost to the swarm of wavering feelings that poured into her small form.
"I- I don't understand?" Her voice warbled and dissipated underneath the heavy weight that was her growing confusion. "You're not upset with me?"
The frown stretching over both her parents faces was immediate. "No? I- We, were never angry or upset with you over the outcomes that surrounded your sister's death, Tsubame?"
Her mother's wide blue irises spoke the truth. 'I... I don't understand?!'
"What we did was out of grief and anger towards the Hagoromo clansmen that killed Tsubaki, not you." Tsunayoshi slipped his left arm from within his wife's hold and reached out to clutch the one his wife held their daughter's in. "We thought to shelter you away from the emotional stress that plagued us, but in doing so we only hurt you."
Tsubame swallowed heavily; her hand trembling in their's. "Y-you were gone and I thought you wished to not see me, I didn't know?"
The sudden silence was deafening to all listeners. But the young six year old corrected herself, before pushing onwards with her thoughts, desperate to get her piece in, else she'd never manage to say it again.
"I want to understand but I can't?" Tears fell from Tsubame's lashes as her chest constricted to the point of choking. "You left me and I was confused? I was alone when Tsubaki-nee suddenly passed!"
"I know, musume," Nijiko shushed her softly and tightened her hold on Tsubame's much smaller hand. "We are so sorry that you were left to deal with such hurt. But your Otō-san and I are here now, and we're going to fix and adjust what we harmed.. To prepare you for whatever emotional or physical outcome that's on your path."
Flinching at the apology, because she still wasn't used to having her mother and father actually apologize to her. Tsubame slowly lifted her chin up to meet their concerned and somber gazes, her own swimming with tears that trickled gently along her childish, pudgy, cheeks. "You won't avoid me if something like this happens again? You'll walk me through it as Tetsuma-oji did?"
"Hai, musume," Her father squeezed their hands and gave her a small, barely there, smile. "We'll lead you through the path as any parent should, until you are ready to bear the weight without us."
"Therefore, we have decided that your training will be overviewed and doubled before your accepted into patrolling duties." Her mother's words dipped with determination and protectiveness as their eyes met. "I won't lose another child to those clans again, not while I live and breath in this life."
Loosening her grip on both their hands Tsubame swept shaky fingers across her wet cheeks, to rid herself of tears. "H- Hai, Okaa-san, Otō-san."
"Now, musume, let's go and check on the eavesdroppers outside my shoji screen." Tsunayoshi's grim expression eased somewhat as he rose to his feet, his wife following him.
Tsubame echoed her parents movements and lifted herself off of the blue pillow underneath her knees, her eyes trailing over their's as they headed to the closed shoji screen where two shadows lingered on the outside - apparently trying to get in on the discussion that they had as a family. The six year old had an idea on just who the eavesdroppers were by the bulky and lean forms silhouetting the thin screens; her uncle's muscular frame hovering next to her aunt's crouching one was noticeable. Both invested on the words that had been exchanged between all three of them, hoping that the three of them had managed to patch up the cracks that had pulled them apart in the first place. (Though Tsubame couldn't help but feel some weariness, seeing as she had been hurt by their avoidance. Then again she had laid witness to their apologies and seeing the genuine regret had somewhat healed most of the aches she carried. But it didn't completely wash away all of the scars that she hid from prying eyes, and ears.)
Gods, she was already tiring out from the day.
A few minutes later
"Tetsuma, Sachiko, please gather Iroha and Tanaka for some late night patrolling on the east border." The firm words were hardened by Tsunayoshi's tight gaze, his ire for the two still lingering after their eavesdropping. "I want them to swoop to the north-east on the secured routes to double check Ito's earlier trappings, incase of any more trespassers."
Tsubame could only watch as her uncle and aunty fixed themselves from their slouching, clearly they were eager to get out of her father's way after dropping in on the family discussion they had shared just minutes ago. 'Not that I can blame them...'
"Hai, Tsunayoshi-sama!" Her father's younger siblings rushed a bow to him before fading from view.
"Ano, Otō-san?" She directed his attention to her on his right side. "When will you place me into the patrolling squads?" Her curiosity wasn't all that she felt at the moment, but to distract her wavering thoughts she questioned him.
- Though a small part of her was piqued after hearing her mother explain that she wanted Tsubame to grow stronger before then.
Tsunayoshi eyes drifted to Nijiko's from beside him, before landing back on hers'. "As your Okaa-san has said, you're too be accepted once the elders have given us their confirmations... For now, we'll train you to be prepared for what's beyond our clans walls."
A ball grew inside Tsubame's throat, one she couldn't judge between dread or anticipation. "Hai, Otō-san."
Nijiko cleared out her own. "Enough about that for now, Tsubame." She smiled gently down at her. "Why don't we go out to sit in the veranda and you can tell us what you think about Butsuma-sama's sons?"
Tsubame paused. "Hashirama-kun and his brother, Tobirama-san?"
'What about our conversation?' Her inner voice asked tiredly, filled with a small does of dread.
But she kept that from slipping past her chapped lips, as her mother's somber eyes warmed at the mention of her daughter's term of endearment to Butsuma's eldest child, Hashirama. "Exactly, I'd like to hear all about the two of them- wouldn't you, Anata?"
"Hmm, I would not mind sitting out on the veranda with the both of you," He swept his arm around Tsubame's shoulders and slipped his hand over his wife's. "Let us go then, together."
'What?' Tsubame internally frowned as they trudged past their relatives to the west hallway that'd lead them to the veranda, where she usually trained outside every day. She kept her honey-gold irises roaming, in a way she was ignoring the sorrowful depth in her parents eyes, and tailed alongside the two of them until they neared the shoji screens that separated the outside from the inside - her eyes picking up on the falling sun as it drooped calmly behind the thickening clouds ahead of them.
"Here should be fine," Her mother's hands gently brushed across her back as she nudged them to the abandoned steps.
Tsubame sagged into a unladylike slump onto the step, her socked feet kicking upwards. (Meanwhile her mind just drifted in confusion and tiredness, her thoughts mingling with the thick layer of exhaustion as it settled deep within her very being.) She directed her honey colored irises towards both adults and simply watched them while they leaned into one another, caressing each other's hands gently and lovingly, mentally tending to each other's emotional hurts.
Tsubame was so confused.
Two weeks ago she had lost her elder sister, and what felt like her parents too. But now, now they were here and offering their apologies and slight condolences - bewildering her with it all. She was left grasping blindly for answers she felt that she wouldn't receive so quickly, which only deepened the bewilderment.
"-subame? Tsubame, what's wrong?" The soft voice of her mother broke the wondering thoughts that haunted her mind and brain. "Speak to us, musume? Tell us what's on your mind."
See, that's what Tsubame was thinking about. The sudden shift her parents now showed to her was so different, like they hadn't ignored and avoided her for weeks. It only fogged her mind with heavier questions as to why they wanted to flip their masks around, leaving a whole new appearence for her to gaze upon. "I'm fine, Okaa-san... Just tired from training with Tetsuma-oji, is all."
'Yeah, that's it...' Her teeth grinded down viciously on top of one another. 'I'm tired mentally, physically, and spiritually.'
The gentlest of brushes against her left eyebrow drew her focus to the concerned eyes of her frowning father; his fingers smoothing over the stray strands of her ashy toned hair, gently prying it away from her own eyes as it began to tangle itself within her long lashes. "I see then." His gruff tone was filled with an undertone of understanding, which bothered her how quick he picked up on her moods. "Then we shall continue this conversation some other time in the next coming days, musume. For now, why don't you go lay down and get some rest..."
Tsubame unclenched her jaw with a sluggish nod, slowly rising to her feet once more. "Forgive me for leaving so early, Okaa-san, Otō-san - I will see you both for dinner."
Her parents response were quiet and peaceful as they drew her in for a brief embrace. Their arms molding around Tsubame's smaller form and sending a multitude of messages to her from their own bodies, silent apologies filling the air for what seemed to be the hundredth time. (Tsubame's breath leaving her lungs as if she'd been sucker punched in her abdominal muscles...)
"Go on, Tsubame." Nijiko lightly kissed the crown of her head before releasing her.
Tsunayoshi's broad shoulders tensed as he mimicked his wife's actions, robotically letting Tsubame shuffle away from his strong hold. "Sleep well," He paused before adding, "We love you, Tsubame."
A searing bolt of what felt like lightning struck her chest, caving into her heart and burning the fragile nerves. "I- um... love you too..."
'What do I do? What do I say?' Tsubame's eyes blurred over her vision as she frantically bowed respectfully to her parents, before pivoting on her feet and rushing away to the opened shoji screen doors - speeding directly to her secluded bedroom, away from spying eyes of her many cousins, Aunts, Uncles, and Grandparents... 'I- I should know what to do, I've dealt with worse- my past experience... What's so different now?'
As she raced desperately to her room a single thought flooded her mind.
Family.
That's what was different from her past life's experience. Here she was accepted and loved, and taught to live with hope and faith in other's and herself. But since losing the one thing that had kept her well adjusted, loved, and sane. She was lost and it was like she was blind in her choices, all because of her damned emotions.
The walls zipped by all too fast as she slid to an abrupt halt before her room. 'I'll do better; show them how I feel and tell them that I am in anyway mad at them... For now I have to gather myself, all of myself.'
She slithered past the small space of her opened shoji screen, sliding it shut before practically falling limply down on her spread out sheets - frazzled and exhausted, with herself and the confusion of her past and present feelings all blending together. Her eyelids sank heavily over her eyes and claimed her conscious without a fight or slight struggle; her subconscious giving in to the welcoming arms of the abyss as it's soothing presence easily took hold of her entire being.
Oblivion swallowed her whole and kept her that way as the days events finally sunk.
And this concludes the ninth chapter, which was basically just a filler for the next coming chapters - this was mostly for her as her parents and the patches she still had to patch up from her past life and how she handles this one, emotionally and physically. Her connection with her parents was dimmed with Tsubaki's death and their disappearance - since she accepted her new life as a growing child again, she's liable to feeling this emotions that jerk and break... Aka her confusion and weariness!
Again, I am sorry for the delay... These past months have been trying and I am working through it. But I will be updating again, just bear with me please!