June 5th, 1894
He had not rested well at all. Rosalind's action weighed heavily on his mind and he could not push the thoughts away.
He was not certain of anything at all anymore and he did not know what to do? Would Rosalind have given Elizabeth back to Booker had she been left alone with her? He knew that Elizabeth's presence was causing a great deal of stress for Rosalind but he liked to think she would think before doing something so drastic.
Maybe he should have let her speak last night, then he would understand her actions. He was a little harsh but he had been angry. Now as he thought more about it, he wondered if he had any right to be.
He sighed heavily and sat up. He needed to talk with Rosalind now. The sooner he did so, the sooner he could understand why she had done what she had.
She was waiting in the kitchen for him he finally left his room. She did not meet his gaze as she usually did, instead, she looked down at her tea. "Good morning." she said, "I made tea."
"I can see that." he did not mean to sound so bitter but Rosalind frown anyway, "Where's Elizabeth?"
"She's still asleep," Rosalind said.
"Still?" Robert sat down in front of her and began preparing himself a cup of tea.
"She's usually still asleep." Rosalind said, "She has a glass of warm milk and sleeps for another hour." Robert sat down, he was up earlier than usual so it made sense.
"Did she sleep alright?" he asked.
"She did." Rosalind nodded, "She's been sleeping through the night for the past few weeks."
He wanted to ask her more about Elizabeth's sleep schedule. He knew the child woke early because Rosalind always complained about that. He did not know much about Elizabeth's sleep habits. "I'm sure the walk through the gardens tired her out."
They sipped their tea quietly and Robert found himself watching Rosalind. She did not look upset but she was usually good at hiding how she felt. It was he who could not control his responses.
"I was not planning to give her back," Rosalind said once she noticed him staring.
"Then why did you open that tear?" he asked.
"Comstock came to visit after you left." Rosalind said, "He told me that I didn't have to keep her any longer." Rosalind looked at the sliced lemon, "I told him that we would be keeping her and he suggested a photoshoot."
"A photoshoot?" Robert was not sure what any of that had to do with anything.
"Yes." Rosalind nodded, "Before he left, he told me that Elizabeth was better off with us than with her actual father."
"She is," he said.
"Robert," Rosalind set her cup down, "How would you know?"
He had to remind himself that Rosalind had not stepped into Booker's apartment that day. She had not smelled the air there, she had not seen the empty beer bottles. She didn't look at Booker Dewitt as he handed over his only child. "Booker was a broken man." he said, "I believe he loved his daughter, but he's too saddled with addiction to ever properly care for her. He wasn't doing so then and I doubt he'll suddenly change now."
"I'm aware that she might not have made it if we hadn't taken her." Rosalind said with a nod, "But that was then and this is now. I didn't want to tell myself that he was still as miserable as he was before without seeing it."
"And did you?" he asked. If Rosalind had finally seen what he had seen so long ago, then they could put this behind them.
"He might even be worse now than he was before." Rosalind said, "His child disappearing through a tear was not something he had been prepared for. Even if he were on the path to being a better man before he sold his child, seeing the tear and losing her probably caused a sort of relapse."
"Rosalind..." he stopped her. He knew that she would get too deep into her thoughts
She cleared her throat, "I believe that giving him his child back would be enough to put him back on that path."
"This isn't an experiment," he said, "It's not something I care to risk." If they returned Elizabeth and Booker neglected her again, they could not get her back.
"I know that." Rosalind said, "As I said before, I was not going to give her back."
"And what if he had changed?" Robert asked, "You made the decision not to give her back after you saw him." He didn't want to know the answer to that. He could not justify keeping Elizabeth if her father was able to care for her.
"Whether you believe it or not, Elizabeth was not on my mind at all when I opened that tear." Rosalind said, "I was aware that he might not have changed at all but I still wanted to see that for myself. I needed to see if my theory was correct."
He had always seen everything as an experiment. He knew Rosalind had not differed from him in that way. Everything in their life was an experiment and up until now, he had been fine with that. But this was Elizabeth, she was a child and she should be treated as such.
"Do..." he paused and looked at her again, "Do you care for her at all?"
"Why does that matter?" she asked.
"Do you?" he asked.
"I do." Rosalind said, "Just not as much as you want me to."
He had always known that Rosalind did not have any motherly feelings for Elizabeth. He had foolishly believed that more time with her would change her view but he was wrong. Rosalind had no dreams of ever being a parent and Elizabeth was everything she did not want.
"She loves you." he said quietly, "More than she loves me."
"For now." Rosalind said, "She'll change eventually and it will be you she leans on."
"Don't you see how that will become a problem?" He snapped, "Do you want her to end up like you?"
"Excuse me?" she looked shocked for a moment, "There's nothing wrong with me."
"You know I didn't mean it that way
"Then what did you mean?" she asked.
"You told me how terrible you felt when you realized that your mother did not want you. How you always tried to please her and it was never enough." Robert said. Rosalind had told him a lot about how different their mothers were. She had longed for a son and had not been granted that in every world where she existed.
"I did," Rosalind said, "But that has nothing to do with this."
"I know you don't want to be a parent but I do. If you don't want to do this, then I'll-"
"You'll what?" she stood, "You'll leave?
"It would be for the best wouldn't it?" he did not want to leave. He wanted to stay with Rosalind and Elizabeth as they had been for the past few months.
"Stop acting as if you're doing any of this because you want what's best for her." Rosalind said, "You know the only reason you want to keep her is because you aren't sure if you'll ever get the chance to have your own child. Please drop the pretense of you being so good and noble. You're just as selfish as I am."
"I..." he had no response. She was not wrong at all but he hadn't tried to look deeper into why he wanted to keep Elizabeth. Keeping her safe was a good enough reason that he never considered why he had been so eager to keep her in the first place.
"Do you think I don't know how unlucky you've been in your love life? I'm well aware of how badly you want a family and how afraid you are that it won't happen." she crossed her arms and took a deep breath, "Do you want to keep her because you care for her? Or is it because she's the closest you'll ever be to having a child of your own?"
"Don't make this about me." he clenched his jaw.
"Why not?" she asked, "You were fine with attacking my character because of how I've responded to this situation I was forced into. Why can't I do the same."
"It's different. You're distant with her because you don't love her."
"You don't love her either!" she shouted, "You don't even know her."
"Calm down." he put his hands up.
"No." She shook her head, "You were the one person who understood me and now that's all changed because of a baby? One that isn't even yours. You didn't care about her at all until she was dropped on our doorstep."
"I know I didn't." he sighed, "My reasons were selfish in the beginning but it's changed. I do love her as if she were my own child. If you don't like that, then I don't see why you'd be so resistant to us moving away. I would still come to visit and we could still work together. You just wouldn't have to deal with Elizabeth anymore."
"That's not what I want," she said finally.
"Then what do you want?" he asked. He didn't understand at all.
"I want your help. You promised me that if we kept her, you would help me. That it would be the two of us." Rosalind sat down, "You said that I wouldn't have to do this alone."
"You aren't doing this alone," he said.
"I am." she said, "I do most of the work when it comes to her. I give her baths, I put her to sleep, I make most of her meals. She doesn't wake you up at 2 in the morning every day. She doesn't pull your hair until you have a headache. All you do is play with her."
"I've tried doing putting her to sleep, she prefers you," he argued.
"Only because you don't know what you're doing." Rosalind rubbed her temples, "She doesn't like when you rock her to sleep because you rock her too fast. You bounce her too much when she cries and it only makes her more upset. You give her sweets until she's sick and fussy and then you leave her to me to handle."
"Why didn't you say that then?" he asked, "If you were having so much trouble, why didn't you just tell me?" But he knew why. While they had barely been together a full year, they had not needed to say much to each other because they always seemed to be on the same page. he always knew what she was thinking and she seemed to know how he felt before he did. That seemed to change with the arrival of Elizabeth. He realized now that it was tearing them apart.
To make matters worse, he could not say that he had done the best he could when it came to Elizabeth. He had left most of it to Rosalind and had even been jealous that Elizabeth liked her more.
"I don't want either of you to leave." Rosalind said, "But I need a break..."
"From us?" he asked.
"From work, from parenting... all of it." she looked as if she wanted to cry but he knew her well enough to know that she would hold it back until she was away from him. "I know you weren't prepared to be a father but I wasn't prepared to be a mother. I had prior experience but it's not as easy as it was then. I know I should come to terms with it, but it isn't as easy as you make it seem."
"I..." he cleared his throat, "I haven't been trying hard enough." he would admit that. He hadn't realized how much stress it was causing her. Even when he heard her crying at night, he had let it be because he assumed that she would come to him when she was ready. That was what he had always done and he assumed that she was the same.
"We're... we are not as alike as I thought we were." he said, "Elizabeth moving in has shown me that. I'm sorry for leaving this all to you. It isn't fair and I think you're right. You do need a break."
"But that won't happen." Rosalind bit her lip. It wasn't every day that he could feel her emotions but at this moment he could feel everything. His head pounded as he was flooded with feelings of sadness and anger.
"You can," he said. Why was this happening? He had not tried to look at her memories but the feelings were strong.
"No, Robert. You've shown me that can't." she said, "You don't know how to care for her and you won't be able to juggle both work and Elizabeth if I'm not here."
"You can." he said again, "Even if it's just for one day."
"Robert?" she was by his side suddenly, "How do you feel?"
"Just a headache." he strained.
"Your nose is bleeding." she tipped his head back and pressed a cloth to his nose, "We can have this conversation later."
"We can have it now." he tried.
"Robert, you could have another spell." she sighed, "We can wait."
But he didn't want to let the conversation drop. Not after everything she had just told him. "I'm sorry." he closed his eyes. It seemed that she would not get her break today. She would most likely end up caring for both he and Elizabeth now.
Rosalind said nothing as she helped him to his feet. "What caused it?" she asked quietly. He couldn't tell her that her emotions were too overwhelming for him. She didn't need to blame herself for this.
"I don't know..." he stumbled up the stairs and groaned as she pushed him into bed, "I'll make it up to you..." HE had to. If he didn't she would be destroyed.
Elizabeth began crying and he could feel that she was starting to get stressed already. "I'll be fine. You can-"
"She'll be fine." Rosalind said, "She's already eaten, she just doesn't want to be in her crib." But Elizabeth's wailing grew louder until Rosalind sighed and retrieved her. Robert watched as she came back and sat beside him with Elizabeth in her arms, "What I said today, just forget it. Please." Rosalind said.
"Rosalind-"
"No. It's okay." she shook her head, "I can handle it, I was just upset." But he knew that wasn't true. She was reaching her limits and she was afraid that if he were as stressed as she was, he would have more episodes like this. "Just rest, we'll talk later."
He didn't argue. He didn't have the energy to. Instead, he closed his eyes and listened to her speak. She spoke of her plans for the day and the meeting she would attend on Friday. He fell asleep thinking of how he could make it up to her.