Disclaimer: I own nothing that has to do with Uncharted or Gravity Falls.
Chapter 9: Those Who Prove Worthy
(Dipper takes notes of the room in his journal as he and Mabel observe the cages with corpses.)
Dipper: So who do you think these guys are?
Mabel: Those who prove false, I guess. I think Avery, or Thomas Tew are just trying to scare us.
Dipper: Good thing we're jaded treasure hunters.
Mabel: (laughs) Good thing.
(He puts his journal away and they continue down a passage. They get to a wide area with wooden bridges going across a deep pit. Dipper carefully steps on a bridge. It creaks but doesn't break.)
Dipper: Okay, it's holding. Come on.
Mabel: These bridges are clearly not built to code.
Dipper: Sure they are. The pirate code.
Mabel: (laughs) Not bad.
(They slowly cross the bridges and get to yet another rocky slope leading downward.)
Mabel: Oh, no. I still have rocks in my boots from the last ten slides.
(Dipper slides down and jumps to a ledge with ease.)
Dipper: (laughs) I'm a pro at this by now!
(Mabel follows and they enter the next tunnel.)
Mabel: So you think Tew built this place with Avery? I can't make sense of it.
Dipper: Neither can I. If Avery was trying to hide his treasure, why involve another pirate?
Mabel: Maybe he saw him as part of his crew and sent him one of those crosses?
Dipper: Yeah, and maybe Tew took all the treasure for himself.
Mabel: (nervous) Please don't say that.
Dipper: Well, we're gonna find out soon enough.
(They enter another big room where a large set of wheels interlinking with each other. There are three crosses hanging from the circles and cranks on the bottom that turn them.)
Mabel: (impressed) This is... elaborate.
Dipper: You could say that.
(He goes to a closed door next to the mechanism where a skeleton is impaled on metal spikes coming out of the wall. Its hand is in a hole next to the door.)
Dipper: Found another switch. Just gonna take the... hand... out.
(He carefully pulls the arm out of the hole and the spikes go back in the wall as he does.)
Dipper: Whoa.
Mabel: It's a pretty elaborate test. Or trial?
Dipper: Yeah... and this guy clearly failed.
Mabel: Then let's do better. There's something on the bottom there.
(They see an opening at the bottom of the circles with something in it.)
Dipper: It's a bucket.
Mabel: Huh. Okay. Now what?
(Dipper takes the bucket and finds a shallow pool of water in the corner of the room. He drops down to it and fills it.)
Dipper: Bucket filled!
Mabel: Pass it up to me. I'm gonna put it back in that big wheel thingie.
(He hands it to her and climbs back up.)
Dipper: Alright, let's see what these wheels do.
(He turns one of the cranks and one of the wheels rotates.)
Dipper: Okay... I think I see what's going on here.
Mabel: There's something with the three crosses?
(They see the crosses are one big one, a smaller white one and a smaller black one.)
Dipper: Yeah. I'm guessing we're looking at Jesus, our good thief Dismas, and the jerk thief Gestas.
Mabel: I'm gonna figure the white cross is Dismas.
Dipper: So the black one is Gestas.
(He spots a light at the top of the circles and turns them until the bucket's in the light. A long metal beam leading to the door appears in front of the bucket.)
Mabel: Check it out. Something up there moved when you put the bucket on top.
Dipper: There's a channel running from the mechanism to the door.
Mabel: Okay... so bucket on top is good. Keep it there.
(There are also three lighted areas in the center of the circles. Dipper tries moving the crosses in the correct places in the lights.)
Dipper: Mabel, was Dismas to the left of Jesus?
Mabel: Well, are you looking at them from the front or the back?
Dipper: The front.
Mabel: Then yeah, he was on the left.
(Dipper moves them until the white cross is to the left of the big one while the black is to the right.)
Dipper: Okay, that's gotta be it.
Mabel: Let's find out.
Dipper: "Let's"? So you're gonna pull the switch?
Mabel: Oh, no. I'd hate to deprive you of that privilege.
Dipper: (sighs) Of course.
(He nervously reaches into the hole and pulls the switch. He flinches thinking the spikes will come out. Instead, the water from the bucket pours into the channel and goes into the wall above the switch.)
Mabel: Dipper, I think you got it!
(The door opens and they step through.)
Dipper: (laughs) Alright. No shishkanates, no natekabobs today.
Mabel: So, if that was a test... what do you suppose it was testing, exactly? Filling a bucket?
Dipper: Had to know about Saint Dismas, who I bet Avery and all of his crew were intimately familiar with.
Mabel: Not that hard of a test.
Dipper: Maybe it's not the only one.
(They get to a wide area with steep ledges and deep gaps.)
Dipper: Whoa... watch your step.
Mabel: (intrigued) As I live and breathe, would you look at this place.
Dipper: We must be right under the cathedral.
Mabel: You think Tyrone and Tambry have any idea this is right under them?
(They hear a distant thundering sound above them.)
Dipper: With enough explosives, they'll find out sooner or later.
(They begin scaling the ledges and swinging across the gaps.)
Mabel: They're sure not making this easy, are they?
Dipper: I imagine it was easier when all the bridges and walkways weren't broken.
Mabel: (laughs) I guess we're a couple hundred years late.
(They find a narrow tunnel and crouch down to get through.)
Mabel: Let's see what's in here. Hey, there's a low ceiling here. Watch your- (hits her head) Ah!
Dipper: Watch my... ah?
Mabel: Can it. This way. I see some light through here.
(They get out of the tunnel and arrive in another crypt.)
Mabel: Ah, catacombs.
Dipper: That makes sense. We're under a cathedral.
(This underground crypt is bigger than the other one. They enter another wide area and start walking along the ledges. As they hug a stone wall, they reach a crack in it and Dipper hears something from it.)
Dipper: Hey, hold on...
Mabel: What?
Dipper: Listen.
(They listen carefully and hear voices coming from the flor above them through the crack. In the room above, Tambry and a Shoreline lieutenant observes maps and documents on a stone table.)
Tambry: Anything noteworthy by the dormitories?
Lieutenant: Not unless you count some cleverly worded headstones.
Tambry: Have you finished digging by the chapter-house?
Lieutenant: We have, ma'am. The northwest sites are wide open as well.
Tambry: And what about the southern perimeter?
Lieutenant: Not yet. It'd take us a day to move the crane over there.
(Tyrone enters the room looking unhappy.)
Tyrone: Tambry, can we have a minute?
Tambry: (to the lieutenant) Make it happen. In the meantime see when you can dig up without it. And keep me updated.
Lieutenant: Yes, ma'am.
(He leaves. Tyrone looks at his partner with a scowl.)
Tambry: Did you hear, Tyrone? They found a whole annexed area under the cathedral.
Tyrone: I did. Have you seen it?
Tambry: No. Why?
Tyrone: (frustrated) Because there wasn't much left... after they'd finished "finding" it.
Tambry: (shrugs) My men have been a bit liberal with the dynamite...
Tyrone: They're like a hundred well-armed bulls in a china shop.
Tambry: ...but they've made more progress in two days than we've made in months.
Tyrone: (scoffs) Progress? I can't analyze rubble.
Tambry: (sighs) Okay. I'll let them know they need to give you a heads up before they do anything drastic.
Tyrone: Or you can tell them to sit tight until I analyze the few clues that haven't been blown up.
Tambry: (impatient) No, we can't sit around waiting any longer.
Tyrone: All due respect, I think I have a bit more experience with this sort of thing than you do.
Tambry: We tried things your way.
Tyrone: (upset) Bullshit! You've been wanting to level this place ever since we got here.
Tambry: (aggravated) No. I wanted to steal that cross long before it even made it to that auction. The same auction where I couldn't have my men around to deal with any surprises.
Tyrone: The auction was the cleanest way to get the cross-
Tambry: But instead of going with my gut, I listened to you. And now we have competition.
Tyrone: Well, I didn't think Drake would show up!
(There's a moment of silence between them as they calm down. Tambry then smirks.)
Tambry: Or maybe you wanted to draw Drake out.
Tyrone: (scoffs) Why the hell would I do that?
Tambry: Because you think a professional treasure hunter is what you really need. And maybe you do. Point is, I'm done trying to do things the clean way. If the treasure is here, we'll find it. And if not, well... maybe it's time to move on, huh? Hey... it's not personal.
Tyrone: Of course.
Tambry: I'll let you know if anything turns up.
(She leaves him alone in the room. He swipes some of the papers off the table in rage and starts seething. Down below, Dipper and Mabel had heard the whole thing and continue moving along the ledge.)
Dipper: Let's get moving before they blow that treasure to bits.
Mabel: Or start making out.
(They laugh for a bit. Mabel then has a thought.)
Mabel: Hey, wait... You think she was right, though?
Dipper: About what?
Mabel: About Tyrone wanting to draw you out.
Dipper: (shrugs) Who cares? As long as he doesn't get the upper hand, it doesn't matter.
(They move through another part of the catacombs.)
Mabel: What annexed area you suppose they were talking about?
Dipper: It's gotta be some side chamber because we're the only ones here.
(They swing across a gap and get to a steep wall that can't be climbed.)
Mabel: Ah, a little too high to jump up there... unless you've got a trampoline.
Dipper: Left it in my backyard.
Mabel: Wait, do you have a trampoline?
Dipper: I wish. Hang on.
(He spots an open area in the side of the gap. He hooks his rope and rappels down to the opening. Then he climbs up some rocks and gets to a ledge above Mabel. He finds a crate and pushes it off.)
Mabel: Oh, look at you.
Dipper: One crate, coming up.
Mabel: Why thank you, good sir.
(They use the crate to get up the wall. Then they enter another large area with a deep ravine.)
Dipper: Well, we're definitely getting closer to the cathedral.
Mabel: Or what's left of it.
Dipper: Gotta say, this is far more sophisticated than I was expecting.
Mabel: Me too. Must've taken years to build.
Dipper: Spared no expense to hide four hundred million bucks.
(They find the end of wooden bridge that collapsed.)
Dipper: Bridge is out. Gotta find another way across.
(He spots another big crate left behind the pirates who used the place on a ledge across the ravine. He throws his hook to it and pulls himself over.)
Dipper: Here goes nothing!
Mabel: It's a good thing you're not heavier than the crate. What's the plan?
(Dipper pushes the crate over to the corner of the ledge so it's halfway between both sides of the ravine.)
Dipper: We can hook our ropes onto this.
Mabel: That'll work.
(They grapple onto the crate and swing over.)
Dipper: Ah... who needs bridges?
Mabel: I don't know. I wouldn't mind bridges, per se.
(They enter yet another big area with a wide gap. This one is over water and has a massive hole in the cliff wall. The entrance to a passage is on the other side.)
Mabel: Look at that.
Dipper: Holy crap. This must've been another test, but... it all just crumbled into the ocean.
Mabel: Well, I guess the test now is, how the hell do we get to the other side?
(She sees a huge wooden lever standing in the water between the sides of the gap.)
Mabel: That really safe-looking wooden seesaw thing might do the trick.
(They go over to it.)
Dipper: Worth a shot. Well, here goes nothing.
(He jumps to it and it pushes down on his side. He maintains his balance.)
Dipper: Whoa, whoa. Steady.
(He carefully walks across but it descends on the other side as he stands on it.)
Mabel: Dipper, stop! You won't make it, you're too low. I'll weigh it down.
(He walks back to the center and Mabel jumps on the back end. Dipper easily jumps to the other side from the other end now.)
Dipper: Made it.
Mabel: Alright! Uh... now... What about me?
Dipper: Just let me look around.
(He climbs up to a higher ledge using some big gears in the wall.)
Mabel: Check out all that machinery: You know, really makes you appreciate everything that goes into making one of these deathtraps.
Dipper: Ha. Don't be glib.
Mabel: Who's being glib? This is a marvel of human engineering!
(Dipper swings back across to a ledge above where they came in. He finds another crate left behind.)
Dipper: Okay, found something to weigh down the seesaw.
Mabel: Excellent. You sure that'll work?
Dipper: It's heavier than I am.
Mabel: I don't know about that.
Dipper: Yeah, yeah. There we go.
(He pushes the crate off and it lands on the back end of the lever. It pushes down and the side Mabel's on shoots up.)
Mabel: Going up! Whoa, whoa!
(She leaps in the air and lands perfectly on the other side.)
Dipper: Hey, nice air time.
Mabel: (jokingly) Well, if treasure hunting doesn't work out, we can always join the circus.
Dipper: (uneasy) Eh, not if they have clowns.
Mabel: Wow. Still not over that, huh?
Dipper: No one is.
(He then drops down on the lever and it starts to shake.)
Dipper: Oh, crap!
Mabel: Run! Quick!
(He hurries to the other side and jumps to the ledge as the lever falls apart into the water. Mabel helps him up.)
Mabel: I got you. There.
Dipper: Thanks.
Mabel: That's another test down.
Dipper: At this point, I'd rather take another deathtrap.
Mabel: At this point, I hope we're at the end of this thing.
(They enter the passage which has statues of figures wearing hoods along the sides.)
Dipper: Okay... getting a bit dramatic with the statues here.
Mabel: Seriously. Why decorate a treasure burial site?
Dipper: Or build elaborate tests? Either we're missing something, or Avery was just really, really bored.
(They approach another closed door with a hole next to it. Dipper sticks his hand in and pulls the lever inside.)
Dipper: (disgusted) Ugh. I'll never get used to this.
(The door opens and they enter a massive chamber with a very tall ceiling. The center area is a wide circle. At the center of the circle is a weighing scale on a pedestal with a big golden cross with jewels on one plate and a small pile of copper coins on the other plate.)
Mabel: It's another cross. At least this one has some jewels on it, right?
(She reaches for it but Dipper stops her.)
Dipper: (cautiously) Whoa, whoa, don't touch it.
Mabel: Why?
Dipper: Look at it. It's the only valuable thing we've seen in this cave.
Mabel: Oh, right.
Dipper: This is another test.
Mabel: Greed.
Dipper: Yeah. Or lack thereof.
Mabel: Okay, so...
Dipper: It's gotta be the coins.
Mabel: Are we sure about this?
Dipper: Well, pretty sure.
Mabel: "Pretty sure" will have to do.
(She reaches for the coins.)
Dipper: Alright, just one now.
Mabel: I got it. (deep breath) Please don't be a trap.
(She nervously takes a coin and the plate slightly goes up. A creaking sound echoes throughout the chamber and torches on the walls are lit up. A big light comes down from the high ceiling and shine on the floor. They see the reflection of the light is in the shape of a land mass. Dipper is impressed.)
Dipper: Whoa. (laughs) You recognize the shape?
Mabel: It's Madagascar.
(They find a star shape carved in the floor lining up with a spot on the Madagascar shape.)
Dipper: Look. The star right here.
Mabel: That's Kings Bay.
Dipper: Yes it is.
Mabel: (disappointed) Son of a bitch. He's screwing with us...
Dipper: What are you talking about?
Mabel: Avery. He's screwing with us. This was supposed to be it. So where's the goddamn treasure, huh? I mean, King's Bay, great. But what's next? North Pole? Outer space? Dipper?
(She notices Dipper lost in thought. He remembers what the writing they saw earlier said and realizes what it all means.)
Dipper: "For those who prove worthy... Paradise awaits"... He was recruiting...
Mabel: (confused) Who was recruit-
Dipper: Avery... was recruiting.
Mabel: Recruiting for what?
(Before he can answer, there's a sudden explosion in the wall and a big hole is made. They're caught off guard and see Tambry and some of her men appear through the smoke with guns pointed at them.)
Dipper: Ah, crap.
Tambry: (sternly) You two are very, very noisy. Guns on the floor.
(The twins throw their guns down and put their hands up.)
Tambry: I still owe you from last time.
Dipper: Trying to beat the crap outta me didn't do it for you?
(She ignores what he said and pulls out her radio communicator.)
Tambry: Tyrone, come in.
Tyrone: (through radio) I'm at the graveyard. Tambry, they were here.
Tambry: Yeah, I'm looking at them right now.
Tyrone: (through radio) What? Where are you?
Tambry: Come back to the cathedral. Follow the holes.
Tyrone: (through radio) I'm on my way. And for God's sake don't shoot them yet.
Tambry: Might want to hurry, then.
(She puts the radio away and looks at the map on the floor.)
Tambry: King's Bay.
Mabel: (slyly) Yeah, but, uh... where in King's Bay? You'll need that cross over there to figure it out. But... there're only two people that can tell you how to use it.
Tambry: Let me guess... you two.
Dipper: (smirks) Well, you wanna leave it to Tyrone, you're gonna be waiting a long time.
Tambry: Sorry, but I'm not here to negotiate. (to her men) Bring me the crucifix.
(One of the mercenaries walks over to the scale.)
Dipper: It's not a crucifix.
Tambry: What?
Dipper: Well, technically a crucifix refers to a cross that... You know what... never mind.
(Tambry is confused but then notices them slowly walking back to the edge of the circular center of the chamber. She then freaks out and turn to the guy retrieving the cross.)
Tambry: (urgently) Don't touch it!
(The man already takes the cross and the room shakes. The floor in the circle starts to break and fall. The mercenary with the cross falls into a pit below. Tambry and her other men make it to the edge as the entire floor collapses. Dipper and Mabel make a break for it.)
Tambry: Shoot them!
(Her men on the side of the room with her open fire at the twins who cover behind some fallen pillars across the pit. The entire room itself starts to fall apart some more. Tambry runs off as her men keep firing. Though they have a hard time concentrating with everything collapsing around them allowing Dipper and Mabel to knock some of them down and take their guns. They shoot the rest in the room and head for the hole in the wall.)
Mabel: This way, c'mon!
(More mercenaries appear in the hole and are about to fight them when large chunks of debris come down and block the hole, separating the them from the twins.)
Dipper: Ah! God damn it!
Mabel: Sucks for you! Ah, hell. What's the plan?
Dipper: (frantically) Working on it!
(Another part of the wall up above comes down and a fallen pillar leans against it.)
Mabel: Up there! C'mon, you ready? We gotta go up to get out.
(They throw their hooks up to an exposed beam and swing over to the pillar. They climb up to a higher ledge and through a passage where Shoreline mercs have equipment set up. After another brief gunfight, they keep moving forward.)
Mabel: Man, we really kicked the hornet's nest, didn't we?
Dipper: Yeah, we kicked it, punched it, and set it's on fire.
(They only try to fight off the mercenaries in their path on their way out. They get back outside where the wind has picked up and the snow and fog are all around. They hear Stan on the radio again.)
Stan: (through radio) God damn it, Dipper. I can hear the fireworks from here. What the hell's going on?
Dipper: Long story. Short version is get us the hell outta here!
Stan: (through radio) Figures. Hold tight, be there soon as I can!
(They get to a courtyard in the cathedral where more enemies and a mounted machine gun turret open fire at them.)
Dipper: Ah, hell. Mabel, watch the turret!
(They duck down to avoid the heavy fire. They manage to get the goons closer to them allowing them to move up. Mabel distracts the guy on the turret as Dipper takes him out with a grenade. Then they clear the remaining enemies in the courtyard.)
Mabel: That's it, let's keep moving!
(They proceed to get back to the cliffs and come to another wide gap. A gunman with a laser sight tries to hunt them from the other side.)
Dipper: Sniper! Find cover!
(They duck down again and shoot back at the sniper. When he's down, they swing over the gap as more mercenaries appear on a ledge above.)
Mabel: Up there, more of 'em!
(Dipper picks up the sniper rifle to help clear the way of enemies. They get up to the higher ledge and run to the other side where the cliffs next to the cathedral are. Through the fog, they see the shape of Stan's plane fly down to the water.)
Mabel: Keep running! Don't stop!
(They start jumping down each ledge on the cliffside to get to the bottom.)
Mabel: Is this how it always is for you?!
Dipper: No! (sheepishly) Well, kind of... Yes, definitely.
Mabel: God, wasn't Stan saying the weather is lovely this time of year?! I can't see shit!
Dipper: Just keep heading down until we hit the water.
(They down ledges and slide down slopes as quickly as possible. More Shoreline men occupy the lower cliffs.)
Dipper: Crap, we gotta get past these guys.
(They shoot down the ones in their way. More chase after them from behind.)
Mabel: Forget about them, keep moving!
(They frantically get closer to the bottom without slowing down. They hear Stan's voice again.)
Stan: (through radio) Kids, they're shooting at my plane. Hurry the hell up, or your ride's gonna sink!
(They finally get to the lowest ledges where some mercs fire at the plane sitting in the water. They quickly take out the attackers and slide down one last slope leading to the water.)
Dipper: Okay, here we go... Get ready!
Mabel: Ah, this is gonna suck!
(They slide down and jump off the ledge landing in the cold water. They ignore the coldness and swim to the plane as their enemies shoot from behind.)
Dipper: Stan! Get her going! Go, go!
(He gets on board, helps his sister in and closes the hatch as the plane speeds up and takes off into the air. They disappear into the fog leaving Scotland behind.)
(Soon, they're high in the sky over the ocean where it's clear. Dipper and Mabel drink water and have blankets around them. Mabel sits in the back hold as Dipper sits down next to Stan in the cockpit.)
Dipper: (smiles) That was a close one, huh?
Stan: (unamused) They shot up my goddamned plane, Dipper!
Mabel: (upset) We're fine, thanks.
Dipper: Sorry, but we made it out, right? And we have some new information. How soon can you get us to Madagascar?
Stan: No treasure, then.
Dipper: Not yet.
Mabel: I don't know what you're talking about. Look, we're rich!
(She stands in the cockpit door and hands Stan the copper coin they took from the cave.)
Stan: (sighs) Suppose it's a start. And you think the rest is in Madagascar?
(He gives the coin to Dipper.)
Dipper: Well, there was a chamber back there with a giant map of Madagascar on the floor, so... Yeah, it's probably there.
Stan: (shakes head) I don't know. This is beginning to smell a whole lot like wild goose, kid.
Dipper: Look, the treasure was never in Scotland, okay?
Mabel: Then what was the point of all that, huh? Of the Saint Dismas cross?
Dipper: It's like I said, I think Avery was recruiting people. The cross was an invitation. The caves were just some sort of... initiation.
Mabel: (sarcastically) Oh, so we all passed, huh? Congrats, boys. We get eye patches and parrots now.
Stan: I don't get it. Why the hell would they go to all that bother just to weed people out?
Dipper: To protect himself. Look, Avery was the most wanted man in the world at the time. He had to enlist people he could trust in order to keep their treasure secret.
Mabel: (confused) Wait. Whaddya mean, "their" treasure?
Dipper: (intriguingly) Just think about this. We saw Thomas Tew's sigil in the cave which means he was a part of all this. Now Tew was a successful pirate in his own right so what would he possibly stand to gain from joining Avery? I think Avery sent out crosses only to the other wealthy pirates like himself. What if they pooled and hid all their treasure together?
(Mabel and Stan become excited.)
Mabel: That would make the Gunsway haul look like chump change.
Dipper: Exactly.
Stan: Holy shit... Okay, so where exactly in Madagascar are we going?
Mabel: King's Bay. It was an old pirate haven back in Avery's time.
Stan: I know it well. It's a big place. Anything more specific?
Mabel: Well, that map chamber completely caved, so uh, you know...
(Dipper looks at the coin and thinks for a second. Then he starts laughing.)
Mabel: What are you laughing about?
Dipper: The people who survived the caves... the recruits. What's the one thing they would've left with?
(He tosses the coin to Mabel who sees the carved image of a volcano on one side of it.)
Mabel: There's a volcano on this.
Stan: And there's a volcano near King's Bay. Which means we need to get to a move on.
(With that, they set a new course for Madagascar.)
The plot thickens, as they say.