The next morning, Maya's ankle was still huge and painful, and she was seriously thinking about not going to work, not only because of her ankle, but also because she just didn't want to get out of bed. She laid there for almost two hours before there was a knock on her door.
"Hey," Vic said, coming in, "Are you thinking you're gonna come in today or take a sick day?"
"I'm coming," Maya said, sighing as she sat up, "It's just taking a lot to get out of bed today."
"Sorry you're still feeling so terrible," Vic said, coming in and setting a cup of coffee on Maya's nightstand, "If you want to take the day, no one would care."
"No," Maya said, shaking her head, "I need to go in. I'll be fine."
"Alright," Vic said, eyeing her, "Well, I'm leaving in about a half an hour if you want to go in together."
"Yeah," Maya said, nodding, "I'll come with you."
The blonde got up, wincing as she stepped on her ankle. She went into the bathroom, grabbing an ace wrap and carefully wrapping the tender joint in a way she had become so familiar with during her training.
She then dressed for work, throwing back some anti-inflammatories. She normally didn't take them, but she was in a lot of pain and not 100% sure her ankle would fit in her boots.
"Ready?" Vic called from the living room.
"Yeah," Maya said, limping out of her room.
"Oh, girl," Vic said, "Are you sure you should work?"
"I'm fine," Maya said, slipping on her shoes, "Let's go."
They drove to work, Vic heading up to her locker as Maya went into her office, changing into her uniform before sitting down in her desk chair, taking a few deep breaths. She was a little shaky, and felt super anxious, but she was determined to get through this shift.
She headed upstairs, her ankle a little less sore thanks to the meds she had taken. She walked into the beanery, getting her team going for the morning before sitting down to eat with them.
Vic thought she was being sneaky, checking to see if Maya was eating, but the blonde felt her eyes on her. She took a small bowl of fruit and yogurt, giving Vic a look as she did so. The younger woman nodded before turning back to her own breakfast. Maya didn't eat much breakfast but managed not to set off any alarm bells with her roommate.
She headed back down to her office to work while everyone else started chores. The alarm went off about an hour later and they all ran into the barn, Maya shoving her swollen ankle into her boots, trying to ignore the searing pain that came when she did so.
They headed to a house fire, working the call for several hours as sparks from the first fire spread to two other houses thanks to strong winds. Maya forgot about her throbbing ankle until they got back to the station.
As she stepped out of the truck, her ankle all but gave out on her and she grabbed the side of the truck to steady herself.
"Maya," Andy said, running up behind her from where she had just gotten out of the aid car, "Are you alright?"
"Yeah," she said, "I'm fine. Let's get the rigs restocked."
She pulled off her turnout pants and boots before slipping back into her regular shoes. She limped back to her office before pulling them off again, seeing the swelling in her ankle had gotten worse.
"Damn it," she cried to no one.
Just then, there was a knock at her door.
"Just a sec," she called, wiping the tears from her eyes as best as she could, "Come in."
Vic and Andy both walked in, closing the door behind them.
"Andy said you almost fell getting out of the engine," Vic said, looking at Maya.
"It's just my ankle," Maya said, shaking her head.
"Can I see?" Andy asked, walking closer to her friend.
"It's fine," Maya said, moving so Andy could see her ankle.
"Maya," Andy said, eyes wide as she knelt down, looking at the ankle that was swollen to almost twice its size, "This looks terrible. How did you work on it?"
"It's fine," Maya said, shaking her head, "I just need to take something and rewrap it."
"Maya, you should rest it," Vic said, "Or it's going to take longer for it to get better."
"I'm fine," Maya snapped, "I need to work, ok. I'm fine."
"How about I wrap it, and we get some ice on it?" Andy said, treading lightly, "And maybe you can put it up?"
Maya nodded, knowing her friends were right.
"I'll be right back," Vic said, heading upstairs to get ice as Andy wrapped Maya's ankle in the wrap.
"Maya, if you need to take some time, I can cover for you," Andy said, noticing how terrible Maya was looking.
"I'm fine," Maya said, rubbing her eyes, "I need to work."
"Alright," Andy said, "But just know, if you need it, I've got your back."
"Thanks," Maya said, nodding.
Vic came back a minute later with an ice pack, handing it to their captain.
"Thanks guys," Maya said, "Go wash up."
"Want us to bring you some lunch?" Vic asked.
"I'm good," Maya said, shaking her head.
"Maya, you need to eat," Andy said, eyeing her friend.
"I'm fine," Maya said for what felt like the millionth time that day, thinking that maybe if she said it enough, she might actually believe it herself, "Thank you for your help."
Both Vic and Andy left her office, worried about their friend.
Maya, meanwhile, was in her office feeling awful. She felt like she was failing everyone. She was slipping, spinning, and she was terrified she wasn't going to be able to stop. She went into her bunk, putting her ankle up on a pillow as she started to cry. She wanted to curl up in a ball and disappear. She heard a knock on her office door, but she just ignored it, not wanting to see anyone.
However, the next thing she knew, her bunk room door was opening and Vic was walking in.
"Hey," the young fire fighter said, setting down the plate of food on the dresser, "Can I?"
Vic motioned to the bed, and Maya nodded as her friend climbed in next to her.
"I'm right here Maya," Vic said, wrapping her arms around her friend, "I'm not going anywhere."
Maya sobbed into Vic's chest, not entirely sure why she was crying but also completely unable to stop. Vic just stayed with her, not saying anything. Eventually, Maya's tears slowed, but neither of them moved.
"What do you need right now?" Vic asked after several long minutes.
Maya just shrugged, still not moving.
"Can I stay with you?" Vic asked.
Maya nodded, not really wanting to be alone. They just stayed there, Vic thanking their lucky stars that they were somehow not getting called.
About two hours later, there was another knock on the door, and Andy walked in.
"Is it ok if Andy sits with you for a while?" Vic asked as Maya looked to see who had just walked in.
"I'm fine," Maya said, rubbing her swollen eyes.
"I'd like to stay if that's ok?" Andy asked as Vic climbed out of the bed.
"I don't need a babysitter," Maya mumbled, not really protesting.
"I'm not a babysitter," Andy said, shaking her head, "Just a friend who is a little worried about their captain."
"I'm fine," Maya said, sniffling.
"There are many things going on here that contradict that," Andy said, wrapping Maya in a hug, "And that's ok."
Andy just sat there with her for the next hour and a half, occasionally saying something, but mostly just being there. They probably could have sat there all night, but the alarm went off.
"You can stay back," Andy said as Maya moved to get up, "Jack and I can cover for you."
"No," Maya said, shaking her head as they headed into the barn, "No, I need to do this."
The entire team had noticed Maya's absence all day, but no one questioned it, knowing better than to set off their often-temperamental captain who really looked like she was struggling.
The call lasted well into the early morning hours, the team not getting back to the station until close to 4 am. Everyone went and showered before trying to grab a few hours of sleep in their bunks.
"Hey," Vic said, grabbing Maya's wrist as she went to go downstairs, "Do you want me to come hang out again?"
"I'm…" Maya started.
"Fine," Vic finished, raising an eyebrow, "Yeah, I don't buy that."
"I need to go get some work done," Maya said with a sigh, "I didn't get anything done today."
"Mai, you need to sleep," Vic said.
"I'll sleep at home," Maya said, shrugging.
"Are you sure?" Vic asked.
"I'm sure," Maya said, nodding, "I need to go put my ankle up though."
Vic nodded, letting the captain go downstairs. She had thought about calling Carina all day, but she knew that the two of them were in a fragile place. Plus, Vic was starting to think that Maya was going to have to take some time off work because she was barely functioning, and she wanted Maya to know she had different people to lean on besides just her girlfriend. She also wanted to make sure Carina knew they all had Maya's back, and hers, if she needed it.
The blonde went into her office, working on incident reports from their last shift. Before she realized it, the sun was shining in the windows of her office. Vic came and knocked on her door after shift ended.
"Ready for a ride?" Vic offered, smiling at Maya.
The blonde nodded, grabbing her bag and limping out after Vic.
"Where are we going Vic?" Maya asked as they drove away from the station in the opposite direction of their place.
"We're just going to go for a drive," Vic said, handing Maya a bag of ice, "Put this on that ankle and put it up on the dashboard. You can just close your eyes and relax."
"But where are we going?" Maya asked, adjusting her wrap so the ice would stay on her ankle.
"I just told you," Vic said, "We're going for a drive. After Lucas died, Travis used to take me on these drives. We would go for hours, just drive down the coast, and it sometimes made me feel a little bit better. The sun, the beach. Sometimes, it didn't, but at least I wasn't laying in my bed alone all day. If you really don't want to, I can take you home, but I thought this would maybe… I don't know, give you a little something to hold on to."
"Aren't you exhausted?" Maya asked, looking at her friend.
"A little," Vic said, shrugging, "But I'll be fine. We are stopping for coffee and breakfast before we really get going."
"Why are you doing this?" Maya asked, tears filling her eyes.
"Because you are my family, Maya," Vic said, "And you are hurting, and this is what family does. You're not in this alone Maya."
Maya was quiet, just staring out the window.
"What do you want from Benji's?" Vic asked as she pulled into the parking lot, "And if you say nothing, I will get you something."
"Coffee?" Maya requested.
"And food?" Vic said.
"I'm not really hungry," Maya said.
"You didn't really eat all shift," Vic said, shaking her head, "You need something."
Maya just shrugged, looking out the window again. Vic got out of the car, returning about fifteen minutes later.
"So I got you that breakfast sandwich you like," Vic said, "And a coffee. Will you at least try to eat something?"
Maya nodded, taking the sandwich and taking a small bite. Vic nodded, taking a bite of her own breakfast burrito before they hit the road again. Vic put on some music, filling the empty space. Maya didn't eat much, but she ate enough to get Vic to leave her alone about it. They drove up to Bellingham, driving to a waterfall before Vic stopped the car.
"Do you want to get out?" Vic asked, looking over at her friend.
Maya thought for a minute, before slowly nodding. Vic smiled, getting out and helping Maya do the same.
"Come on," Vic said, "Let's go sit on those rocks."
They walked the short distance to the rocks, both of them sitting down.
"I know you said you didn't want to," Vic said, "But have you thought any more about telling the team what's going on? They're all really worried about you."
"I just don't want to mess up everything I fought so hard for since I became captain," Maya said, pulling one of her knees up, resting her head on it.
"Maya, you can't keep going like this," Vic said gently, "You need to rest and take some time to take care of yourself."
Maya nodded a little, looking down as her eyes filled with tears.
"I know," she said, looking out over the lake, "It all just sucks."
"I know," Vic said, putting a hand on Maya's back.
They just sat there together for a long time, neither of them speaking much.
After about two hours, Vic looked over at her friend.
"Come on," she said, "I know this great food truck spot up here. Let's go grab some food because even if you're not hungry, I am, and then we can keep driving or head back to Seattle."
Maya nodded, limping back to the car after Vic. They went to the food trucks, Vic managing to get a little bit of food into Maya.
"Can we go home?" Maya asked as they got back in the car, "I'm really tired."
"Of course," Vic said, nodding, "I just need to put some gas in the car and we can go."
Maya nodded, putting her ankle back up on the dash because it was really starting to bother her again.
As Vic pumped gas, Maya grabbed her phone for the first time since they left the station. She had a few messages from Carina, asking how she was doing and also if she could come over when she got off around 8. Maya texted her back, telling her what she and Vic were doing and that she would love it if she came over. Carina still didn't know about her ankle or about hwo bad her last shift had been, but she would tell her that night.
She and Vic drove home in a comfortable silence that Vic filled with showtunes. They got home around 3 pm, both of them exhausted from having not slept much the night before.
"I'm going to go crash," Vic said as they went inside, "Unless you want me to stay with you."
"No," Maya said, shaking her head, "No, you've done plenty for today."
"Alright," Vic said, giving Maya a small hug, "Well, I have no plans all day so if you need me, I'm right here."
"Thanks," Maya said, "Carina's going to come by when her shift ends tonight. I should be fine until then."
Vic nodded, smiling a little at her roommate before going into her room. Maya limped into her bedroom, grabbing a quick shower before pulling on Carina's sweatshirt and some joggers. She thought about going to get some ice, but it seemed like such a colossal effort so she just climbed into bed, putting her swollen ankle up on some pillows.
She tried to sleep, but of course that didn't happen so she just laid in bed, listening to some music. Before she even realized how much time had passed, there was a knock on her bedroom door.
"Come in," she called, rubbing her eyes.
"Hey Bella," Carina said, smiling as she came into the room.
"Is it already 8?" Maya said, sitting up.
"Si," Carina said, nodding as she came over to her girlfriend.
"How was work?" Maya asked, leaning up to kiss the doctor.
"Good," Carina said, brushing a piece of short hair off Maya's face, "Nothing too exciting. Just a few routine deliveries and regular exams."
Maya nodded, leaning back on her pillows.
"I'm going to change," Carina said, "And then I brought dinner."
"I'm not hungry," Maya said, shaking her head.
"Maya, have you eaten today?" Carina asked as she pulled one of Maya's old t-shirts out of the drawer.
"I ate a little bit with Vic," Maya said, not really meeting Carina's eye.
"Maya, you need to eat," Carina said, sitting down next to her, "Come on, I brought your favorite soup from the deli you love. Or I can bring it to you here."
"I don't know," Maya said, "Maybe you should just go. I'm not good company right now."
"Hey," Carina said, deciding food could wait, "Maya, I want to be here. I'm not looking for some crazy night. I just want to spend time with my girlfriend, no matter what that looks like."
Maya just buried herself in Carina's arms. Carina just held her, rubbing her back gently. They just sat there for almost a half an hour before Carina's stomach grumbled.
"You need to go eat Car," Maya said, sitting up.
"Will you join me?" Carina asked, smiling at Maya.
The blonde nodded, needing to use the bathroom anyways. She got up, limping to the bathroom.
"Bella," Carina said, seeing her walk, "What happened?"
"I twisted my bad ankle running two days ago," Maya said, shrugging, "I need to pee."
Carina sighed, trying not to get mad at Maya for not telling her. When the blonde came out of the bathroom, Carina stopped her.
"Can I see?" the Italian asked, gesturing to the ankle.
Maya sighed, but sat down on the bed, pulling up her joggers to show her swollen ankle.
"Bella," Carinas said, bending down to get a better look, "Did someone look at it?"
"No," Maya said, shaking her head, "I've done this before. Whenever I twist this ankle, it swells thanks to my stupid Olympic screw up. I'll be fine."
"Are you sure?" Carina said, gently touching the inflamed ankle, "Maybe we should go to Grey Sloan, have someone look at it?"
"No," Maya said, shaking her head, "It's fine."
"Wait," Carina said, "You did this two days ago? So you worked on this?"
"Yeah," Maya said, shrugging, "It was fine. My ankle was the least of my worries last shift anyway."
"Cosa?" Carina said, looking at her girlfriend.
"Let's just eat first," Maya said tiredly.
Carina nodded, helping Maya into the living room.
"Is Vic home?" Carina asked.
"Yeah," Maya said, nodding as she sat down on the couch.
Carina went down the hall, knocking on Vic's bedroom door.
"I have food," the Italian woman called through the door.
"I'm coming," Vic said, opening the door, "Hey Carina."
"Hi Vic," she said, smiling as they walked down the hall to the kitchen.
"Hey Mai," Vic said, smiling at her roommate.
Maya waved a little, leaning her head on the back of the couch. The three of them ate dinner together, Maya not really eating much or talking much.
"I'm going to go back to bed," Maya said after about a half an hour, "Sorry. I'm just really not feeling well."
"I'll be in in a minute Bella," Carina said, squeezing Maya's hand as she got up.
Maya nodded, limping back into her bedroom.
"Carina," Vic said quietly after Maya was gone, "She's really not ok. Like, at all."
"What happened?" Carina asked, worry filling her entire body.
"She spent all of our last shift that we weren't on calls in bed," Vic said, "Andy and I took turns sitting with her, but she wouldn't eat. She didn't sleep. I don't think it's good for her to be working right now, and I think she knows it."
Carina sighed, nodding.
"I'm going with her to therapy tomorrow," Carina said, "I'll try to bring it up. I'm going to go clean up the kitchen and then go be with her."
"I've got the kitchen," Vic said, shaking her head, "You go get her."
"Grazie," Carina said, "And thank you for being there for Maya."
"She's basically my sister," Vic said, shrugging, "It's what we do."
Carina nodded, smiling a little before going into the bedroom, finding Maya lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling. She crawled into bed next to her.
"I can't keep doing this," Maya said, not moving, "I'm too tired to keep going."
"It is going to get better," Carina said, rolling over to face her girlfriend.
"But when?" Maya asked, voice breaking, "I just want it all to stop."
"Maya," Carina said, taking a deep breath, dreading the answer to her next question, "Are you thinking about doing something to make it stop?"
"No," Maya said instinctually, "Maybe. I don't know. Not right now."
"Were you today?" Carina asked, trying to keep her voice steady.
Maya didn't say anything, just nodding her head a little. Carina took a deep breath, absorbing this information for a second.
"Maya, do you have a serious plan?" Carina asked, trying to keep her mind out of girlfriend mode and in doctor mode.
"Not really," Maya said, "I don't know. I'm just so tired."
"Maya, I think maybe we should go to the ER," Carina said, knowing that was the best way to get someone admitted for psychological help.
"No," Maya said, finally looking at Carina, fear and tears in her eye, "No. I don't need that. I'm ok. I promise I won't do anything, just please don't make me go to the hospital."
"Maya," Carina said, trying to keep her girlfriend calm, "There's nothing wrong with getting help."
"I don't want to go to the hospital," Maya said, tears running down her cheeks, "Please don't make me."
"Ok," Carina said, deciding that at least for tonight, Maya was safe, "Not tonight. I'm right here."
Carina wrapped her arms around her girlfriend, hugging her tightly as the blonde started having a panic attack.
"Breath with me," Carina said, trying to calm her down, "You're safe right now. I'm right here."
Once the panic attack ended, they just laid in bed, Carina playing with Maya's short hair.
"Do you want to talk about what you said earlier?" Carina asked after a while, "About how your ankle was the last of your problems last shift?"
"Least of my problems," Maya mumbled, "My brain was more of a problem than my ankle."
"How so?" Carina asked, already knowing what Vic had told her but wanting to hear it from Maya.
"I just couldn't do anything," Maya said, not moving from where she was laying on Carina's chest, "I spent most of my shift in my bunk. I was just too tired."
"Maya," Caria said, "Have you thought about taking some time off? At least until you're feeling a little better."
"I… I just… I don't know," Maya said, burying her face into Carina's shirt.
"I know," Carina said, trying to take in the fact that Maya didn't fight her on it, "I know. You don't have to decide now."
"Sorry I'm such bad company tonight," Maya apologized again.
"No," Carina said, "No more of that. You are the company I want, that I chose, for tonight. You are anything but bad company. Now, I think it's time to go to bed. You are going to take something and then we are going to sleep."
"You're still coming to therapy with me tomorrow?" Maya asked, looking at Carina through swollen eyes as she sat up.
"Si," Carina said, handing Maya a pill.
"Thank you," Maya said, "Thank you for everything."
"You don't have to thank me Bella," Carina said, brushing a piece of hair off Maya's forehead, "I want to do this. I want to be here for you."
"I love you," Maya said, leaning her forehead against Carina's.
"I love you too Bella," Carina said, giving Maya a kiss, "Now, let's get some sleep."
Maya nodded, both of them getting ready for bed before curling up in bed, Carina's arms wrapped around her girlfriend, the Italian happy that, at least for tonight, Maya was safe in her arms.