CHAPTER 17

Because of her plans with Frankie, Jane had left shortly after breakfast that morning. Maura and Jane had both agreed to make plans to hang out again soon. Maura was happy that she had been able to spend time with Jane. Yet, she was still unsure about the whole situation as a whole. It was tiring having to watch what she said around her. She was surprised she hadn't broken out in hives yet.

Maura decided to enjoy her day off regardless of all the other things going on currently. She could watch one of the documentaries she had recorded earlier in the week. She had been into the first show for a few minutes when her phone rang.

"Mother," Maura answered the phone, "what a pleasant surprise."

Regardless of the situation that had brought her there. Spending six months with her family in London had allowed Maura to grow much closer to her family.

She had especially grown closer to her mother, Constance. Who herself had made the effort to keep in touch whenever possible.

It wasn't always easy though. Both Maura and Constance had busy schedules. Then with the time difference between Boston and London, they had not spoken for a little while.

After talking for a few minutes, the conversation shifted to Jane.

"You spent the evening together, and she even stayed the night?" Constance asked, sounding surprised.

"Yes, she did. She left after breakfast this morning."

"Well, how did it go? How did it feel?", Constance asked.

Maura took a larger than usual breath, giving herself a moment to think. How did she feel?

Of course, she was glad that she and Jane had been spending time together, at times it had almost felt like it always did. It also felt like Jane was putting in the effort to try to get to know Maura.

Yes, they were getting to know each other again.

But it felt like there was this ominous cloud following them around. Maura didn't know what would happen when Jane finally found out the truth about their relationship. Plus everything that had happened between them. She wanted to tell her, she was just respecting her wishes, for now. Then there were concerns. Could Jane ever love her again? Maura voiced all these thoughts to her mother.

"Darling," Constance actually sounded frustrated.

"Why would you think jane couldn't love you again? She would be a fool to not realize how amazing you are."

Despite everything, a small smile showed on Maura's face at her mother's words. "I am an acquired taste, mother. I have had plenty of people tell me I am weird, or quirky if they're trying to be nice. Whether it's to my face or whispered behind my back. I am not good in most social situations. I don't have much of a filter, and have offended people with my input, on more than one occasion."

"Maura-"

"No, it's okay," she stopped her mother. "I am confident in who I am. But sometimes I worry. Jane and I had a history before we fell in love. We were friends first. She's a different person now."

…

"Do you still love her?"

"Yes," Maura replied without hesitation.

"Even though Jane is a different person now?"

"Yes, of course," Maura replied again, "she's still Jane. She's still the same kind, caring, funny, intelligent woman I fell in love with."

"The same applies to you, darling. All the reasons she fell in love with you are still there too. You are still the same woman." "Someone could say that you are missing a logical conclusion."

Perhaps her mother had a point. The two women talked for a few more minutes, then Constance had to go prepare for a gallery opening that night.

She had given Maura a lot to think about.

Jane and Frankie had finished up their game of basketball. Both were sweating from the intense match. Even though Jane didn't have her memories of growing up in the same household. They still had their sibling rivalry like they always had.

"Here," Jane threw Frankie a bottle of water, then sat down next to him on the park bench.

"I can't believe you still beat me." Frankie shook his head, "You don't have the memories of playing for years, you barely know the rules. I don't understand."

Jane playfully punched her brother on his shoulder, "I will always beat you, Francesco."

"Hey, don't call me that. How do you even know my full name?"

Jane laughed before taking another swig of water. "I overheard Ma calling you that a few weeks ago, I have been waiting for the right moment to use it."

"Of course," Frankie said, as if that was enough explanation for him, before changing the subject. "So, last night, how did it go?"

"Uh, hmm" Jane replied, shrugging.

"I need actual words, Janie."

"It went well," Jane said, putting her finished water bottle down, "the game was great, and Maura…Maura is great too."

"You like her," Frankie said it wasn't a question. "Do you like her, like her?"

"What are we, twelve?" Jane pushed her brother, making him lose his balance.

"Seriously though," Jane continued after Frankie had recovered. "I do feel very drawn to her."

In response, he nodded, not quite sure what to say next.

They sat in silence for a few moments before Jane remembered what she had wanted to ask her brother. "So, this morning, I wasn't snooping or anything, but I saw these rings at Maura's house. You know, like fancy couple type rings. Do you know if Maura was like married or something?"

Frankie had been briefly thrown off by the question. Such a direct question was not expected at all. But he quickly recovered from the surprise and schooled his expression back to neutral.

"I can't tell you that," he finally responded. "But you should ask her yourself."

"I can't ask her that," Jane shook her head, "she'll think I was snooping or something. Plus, that's way too personal."

It's personal alright', Frankie thought. He was considering telling Jane who Maura almost married, it just wasn't his place. But, he decided, he was going to push Jane to ask Maura herself. Maybe some things would finally start to move forward again. Everything could finally be out in the open, with no more hiding, no more beating around the bush, no more secrets.

"Jane," Frankie looked straight into his sister's eyes. "I will not tell you what you want to know, it's not my place. But I will tell you this. Your past is going to catch up with you, whether you like it or not, and whether you are ready for it or not."

"What the heck does that mean? What does any of that have to do with Maura?" Jane got up from the bench and starting pacing around.

"What I told you, it's time for you to know things. I know you don't want to, but you need to."

Jane was now more confused than before.

"You know, we all went along with you after your accident, and I get it, Jane, I do. I never thought it was the right thing to do, but I respected it. There was some bad stuff that had happened to you in the past. I guess not being able to remember that, it's like the only good thing that came out of your accident. But not wanting to know anything, you're missing out on the good as well. It's time for you to know about your own life."

"I don't know if I am ready for that," Jane answered, looking down at her feet. She had been avoiding for so long, she was still scared.

"Then think about Maura." Frankie was more serious now than he had ever been with his sister. Or at least as far as she could remember, but he's about had enough of it all. Jane needed to see reason, so he continued. "This must be so hard for Maura. She is the most honest person I have ever met, the woman is incapable of lying, and you are making her lie to you."

"How am I making her lie," Jane asked, slightly offended."

"Lying by omission is a fancy way of lying, but it is still lying." Frankie rubbed his face. He now felt more tired than after they had first finished their basketball game. "All I am saying is talk to Maura. She will tell you anything you want to know."

After leaving Frankie at the park, Jane had gone for a little run. She didn't like running, but it was the easiest way for her to clear her head. She knew Frankie was right. She knew it was time for her to stop hiding. To stop feeling scared of what she may find out about her past life before the accident. It wasn't fair to have people pretend around her. To have them hide, and censor themselves. It was hard though, the looks, the stories. She hated the disappointed looks from everyone, then the pity that came afterward. 'Poor Jane, can't remember her own life'; she's heard the whispers. So yes, she had made rules, they had made sense at the time. Ignore it all. The bad stories, the looks of pity, and with that also her whole life history. Unfortunately, in the past few weeks, the rules weren't making sense anymore. She wanted to know what connected her to Maura. Why had this woman become so important to her already? She was like a magnet, she drew her towards her like nobody else. Not even her own family.

It was already mid-afternoon when Jane finally arrived back at her apartment. She stripped off her clothes and jumped in the shower, letting the hot water dull her senses for a moment.

"Shit," she said to herself, she was going to have to find the courage and go back to Maura's. She was going to ask the real questions this time, and take the answers for what they were.

She had paced around her living room for a while before she decided she needed to get it over with. She sent Maura a text message, asking her 'if she was free that night'. Maura had confirmed that 'she was' and Jane had then asked 'if it was ok if she came over for a bit to talk'. Maura had said 'yes, come over whenever you'd like' and now a little after 6 PM, Jane arrived at Maura's house.

She had picked up some take out on her way over. Hoping that being around Maura for a bit while eating a meal would give her the courage to ask her questions.

After putting the food on their plates they sat down at the kitchen table. For a few minutes, they ate in silence.

"What was it that you wanted to talk to me about?" Maura finally asked when Jane didn't seem to be forthcoming with much conversation herself.

Jane put down her fork next to her plate. It was time. She was considering what she should ask first.

She took a sip of her water to give herself a moment to organize her thoughts. Maura was watching her. She saw the different emotions cross the detective's face, but she patiently waited.

Finally, Jane opened her mouth again, "why did you leave Boston?"

A direct question, a very unexpected one at that, and Maura wasn't quite sure how to answer it.

Jane took a deep breath. "Please, tell me."

"Are you sure, Jane? It…it involves you, and I know your rules."

"There are no more rules." Jane's voice was a little more firm than she had intended and she could see she had startled Maura with her tone. She reached across the table and grabbed one of Maura's hands in her own, "I'm sorry. The rules, I was wrong to set them up. I know this much now," she squeezed the hand in her own then let it go. She already misses the contact.

"I want to know," she tried again, "please tell me."

Maura watched Jane's face, trying to decern if this is what she truly wanted. Seeing no deception there, only a somewhat nervous curiosity, she finally answered.

"I left Boston, because of you."

So, Jane finally dared to ask (with a bit (or a lot) of pushing from Frankie).

Writing this story after such a long time being away from it has been a bit of a challenge. Or a lot of a challenge really. I used to be able to "hear" and "see" the characters so clearly when writing, but they're a bit muffled now. I still love the pairing though. Either way, the story is moving along. I'd say three more chapters and an epilogue of some sort before it's all done.

Next up, Jane will find out everything.

Thanks again to everyone that has been leaving me comments. It's ever so motivating. It's because of all of you (readers, followers, reviewers) that I am writing this story and why I will actually finish it.