You Saved my Life – Chapter 17
"Sometimes you have to stand alone. Just to make sure you still can." – Anonymous
"It is better to be lonely than allow people who are not going anywhere keep you from your destiny." – Joel Osteen
EmPOV
After Bella had finished bandaging up her knees and palms, she turned and left the room without a word.
"Rosalie…" Carlisle sounded tired.
"I didn't do anything. She was already in a bad mood." Not waiting for a reply, she stood and headed for the stairs.
I looked at my parents. "I'm gonna go talk to her." They nodded in agreement. I caught up with Rosalie on the stairs and followed her to her room, leaning against the frame. "Rose."
"What?" She snapped. I took a breath and tried to clear my head from emotions. The reason she and I were good together is because I balanced her out when she was being angry or emotional. If I wanted to get anywhere with her now, I needed to be steady.
"What is wrong?" She didn't answer, shaking her head and sitting on the edge of her bed. I felt the urge to sit next to her, but I wanted to respect the rules of my punishment. "Rosie… Why do you have to be so mean to her? You knew she would hear you, why can't you just keep your comments to yourself?" I spoke as calmly as I could. I wasn't trying to be accusatory; I was genuinely curious as to why she was so intent on making Bella feel bad.
"As if you weren't doing the exact same thing, what, a week ago? Don't act like you've changed." Her tone was bitter and hurtful.
"I have, Rose. This isn't an act."
"Bullshit." She was looking right at me, and I saw hate. I knew she could be cold and fully embraced being a bitch at times, but I never thought she was actually hateful.
"I mean it, Rosalie. I don't want to be a shitty person. I don't want to tear people down and spread hurt and hate anymore. I don't know why I ever did in the first place, but I did, and I have to learn how to live with that and make amends."
"You're so full of shit. Now that you said you're sorry to Bella, you're friends all of the sudden? Are you just gonna go around defending her and taking her side on everything? Spend your days complimenting her and telling her how great she is? Is she your new girlfriend?" I could tell she had more to say but I cut her tirade off.
"No. Throwing empty compliments at her doesn't make up for assaulting her with insults for over a year. I'm just going to treat her like I treat the rest of the people in this house - with respect. I wouldn't let someone hurt Alice or Jasper or anyone else in this house, and I'm not going to let anyone do it to her. You might not care that she stood up to Eric for us, but I do. She saved my brothers and sister from possible death. She saved you. That's a debt I can never repay, but I'm going to try to by being a better person."
"Would you and Jasper stop with all this 'better person' nonsense? You don't need a personality change-"
"Yes, I do." I cut her off again. "I don't like who I have been the last year. I am embarrassed and ashamed of myself. Whether Edward started that shit or not, I never told him to knock it off – instead, I joined him. That's cowardly. It's pathetic. Good people don't spend their lives hurting other people." I paused, expecting another outburst, but she said nothing. "Regardless of whether or not you think you need to make a change, I know that I do. I can't stay like this. And if I'm honest…" I knew my next words were going to hurt, but I had to say them. "I don't want to be held back from bettering myself. If you want to stay where you're at, full of hurt and hate and jealousy, then that's your decision to make. But for me, I'm moving on." I turned to leave the room.
"Wait." I turned to face her again. "That's it? You're giving me some ultimatum? Grow up or get out?" Her voice had a hint of anger, but it was mostly full of hurt.
"It's not an ultimatum, Rosalie. I just can't see us being happy if you continue to see Bella as the enemy." She didn't have anything to say. I retreated to the hallways and closed the door behind me, leaning back on it and taking a breath.
I didn't know how that conversation was going to go, but it was not what I expected. I hadn't planned on taking a break from Rosalie, but I meant what I said. I couldn't see us together if she continued to act this way. It was different when we were all being terrible, but now that the majority of us were trying to change for the better, I didn't want anything to get in the way of that. Even if that meant Rosalie and I no longer being together.
Wanting to distance myself from her at the moment, I found myself walking without having a destination in mind. I wandered up to the third floor and towards Bella's door. Raising my hand to knock, I froze with my hand in the air. Give her some space. Instead, I turned and walked towards Edward's room instead. He had followed Bella upstairs, and I doubt that was fun for anyone. I had to bang my fist on the door a few times before he answered it. He swung open the door with an unpleasant look on his face. Time for round two, I guess.
"What do you want, Emmett?" He opened the door and walked into his room, sitting on the couch in the corner by the window. I decided there would be less speculation that I was getting any form of entertainment from entering his room and sat beside him.
I sighed and looked him straight on. Edward and Rosalie were very similar, and I often needed to take a similar approach with him to order for him to hear me. "What is your problem, man?"
His jaw got tighter and he ran his hand through his hair. "It's not me, it's her. She won't let me apologize."
"That's because you keep screaming at her and trying to force her to listen. You know, like you did in school?"
"Fuck off." He muttered. "I'm only angry because she's toying with me. First, she told me to wait a few days. Then she told me I could apologize today. I try to apologize today, and she won't hear it. How fair is that?"
"Do you really want to talk about fair?" A laugh of disbelief escaped my lips. "How fair is it that we targeted her for the last year? How fair is it that she's been forced to live with us? None of that is fair." He shook his head. "Fuck fair. The fact is, she had a shitty day. Jasper says she's not sleeping well, she's still recovering from a literal hole in her chest, and you're not exactly being compassionate."
"I don't know how. I try to sympathize or apologize, and then she does something and I'm filled with anger or frustration. She almost fell the other day and I…" He shook his head again like he was trying to shake away a thought. "I just yelled at her to be more careful like a dick. I don't know why I feel so out of control when she's around."
"I don't know what to tell you, man. Other than maybe you should figure that out before you come to her with all that. Maybe talk to dad, he's always been good at self-control and everything."
"I guess. How did you do it?"
"Do what?" I asked.
"Apologize and turn it around. You make it look so easy."
"It is easy, as long as you're not afraid of admitting you fucked up. What's hard is owning up to your fuck ups and actually working on making up for them. You haven't done anything to show Bella that you're not the same person that yelled insults at her in the hallways and told her to never speak to you. If you want her to hear you out, you gotta stop being a dick first." I clapped a hand on his shoulder and stood up to leave.
When I returned to the living room, I noticed most of them were missing. Alice and Carlisle were the only ones around, still working on a puzzle on the coffee table. Their conversation died immediately, Carlisle turning to me. "How did it go?"
I sat on the couch and placed my head in my hands, digging my palms into my eyes. "I don't know. I kind of broke up with her."
"Oh, Em…" Alice sighed. "What happened?"
I slid to the floor and started pushing around puzzle pieces with them. "Nothing 'happened' really. I just told her I was trying to be better and make it up Bella, and if she didn't want to do the same then we weren't going to work out."
"I take it she didn't take that too well?" Carlisle asked.
"Not really. I just want to be able to change for the better, and I think Bella and I have the potential to be friends. I don't want to feel like I can't do that because of Rose. I don't want her to hold me back."
Carlisle gripped my shoulder. "I'm sure that was very hard for you. I'm proud of you, son."
We fell into silence as we turned our attention back to the puzzle. Carlisle put some soft jazz on in the background, and I forgot how much I missed listening to music. After about an hour, we were a handful of pieces away from completing the puzzle when Jasper and Esme walked through the back door. Jasper was holding an umbrella over the two of them and left it outside on the porch. "Are we allowed outside again, or only with adult supervision?" I asked.
"I wanted to take Jasper for a walk and finish our conversation from this morning. So, I think I'm going to yes, with adult supervision, you can go outside." She leaned over to give Carlisle a peck. "I'm going to start dinner if anyone wants to help."
"I will!" Alice offered, as usual, hopping up and joining Esme in the kitchen.
"And I'm going to check on my emails before dinner, I'll see you guys in a bit." Carlisle excused himself. Jasper took his place and grabbed the last few puzzle pieces.
"I see you're pulling the mama's boy card to get privileges." I teased.
"I would never. It was completely her idea."
"Sure, it was."
"Maybe if you were the favorite, she'd invite you out a walk." I reached over and pushed him to the side. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. How'd your talk with Rosalie go?"
I sighed, repeating what I told Alice and Carlisle earlier. Jasper and Rose were the only ones that were actually blood relatives in the family. Carlisle and Esme had adopted them together about two years after they'd adopted me. Despite that, they weren't overly close. Rosalie had always been very independent. I wondered if now that she and I were taking a break, she would confide in him. "I just hope she makes a change and doesn't push us all away."
"If she does, you have to let her. It's her decision to make." He answered. He had finished the puzzle, so we started breaking the pieces back up and placing them into the box. Esme announced dinner would be ready in 45 minutes, so we pulled out the chest set and started a game.
We were in the middle of our third game (we had won one each) when the oven beeped, so we moved the chest board underneath the coffee table with the pieces still in their place.
"I'll grab Bella, I think don't she's eaten today." Jasper stood and jogged to the staircase.
I made my way to the dining room and helped set up the table. The rest of the family had made their way down while Jasper and I were playing. Jasper rejoined us, Bella following a few minutes later. Her stomach made an audible growl when she sat down, which I couldn't help but laugh at. Dinner was comfortable; both Edward and Rosalie had remained quiet. Jasper and I started arguing when I said I beat him in chess, saying that one win didn't matter as we were still in a tie. I noticed that Bella was pushing her food around her plate more than she was actually eating it when Carlisle switched into doctor mode and started checking her temperature. After a bit of questioning, they moved to the living room.
"I was thinking we could spend some time together tonight before heading to bed. Any thoughts?" Esme asked, I'm assuming in an attempt to take our attention away from the scene in the living room.
"I am not playing Monopoly again with Alice. She cheats." I don't know how she knew which properties to skip and which to buy, but she was always the first one to get a complete set. Jasper called it strategy, she called it a gift.
"I do not cheat. I just wait for the board to speak to me and tell me way lies ahead." She gazed off out of focus.
"How about something that can't lead to any fighting, like a movie?" Jasper suggested.
"That's what I was thinking, too." Esme smiled.
Jasper looked me in the eyes and mouthed 'favorite.' I kicked him under the table. Before he could rat me out, we heard Bella gasp in pain in the living room, and Esme went to help. They spoke for a while and then hugged. I remembered her first night here and how we all stared and turned back to my meal. They rejoined the table and we continued our conversations. When Bella had finished her meal, she stood before Esme stopped her.
"We were thinking of watching a movie before bed. Would you join us?"
I started collecting dishes and joined Rosalie at the sink while they picked out a movie. We washed in silence. I was putting the last dish in the dishwasher when she finally spoke. "I'll try," was all she said. I nodded.
"That's all I want." Drying my hands, we made our way into the living room and I noticed the opening credits to the first Captain America were playing. "Fuck yeah," I whispered under my breath. I must've spoken louder than I intended because Bella let out a small laugh. Esme didn't seem to have heard me, so I was in the clear.
About thirty minutes in, Alice went to the kitchen and grabbed some candy. She passed them down the couch, and when I turned to offer some to Bella, I noticed she had fallen asleep. I knew she wasn't sleeping well, so rather than wake her so she didn't miss one of the greatest Marvel movies of all time, I decided not to disturb her and turned my attention back to the movie.
"Eric?" My head snapped over to Bella. She hadn't moved and still looked like she was sleeping, but she said his name as clear as day. "What are you doing?" She said.
Jasper grabbed the remote and paused the movie. "Did she say 'Eric'?"
She spoke again, her eyes still closed but her voice still perfectly clear. "Eric, no!" I felt my heart rate quicken at his name. I looked around and saw I wasn't the only one freaked out. "Eric, stop, please!"
"She's sleep talking, it's not that uncommon, everything's ok." Carlisle tried to reassure us, but I still felt uneasy. I knew was irrational to be afraid, but she was speaking so clearly it felt like he was in the room. I looked back at Bella and saw she was starting to shake, her face pained. "Emmett, try to wake her up very gently and calmly. Put a hand on her shoulder and say her name."
"Eric, please," she cried. I shook her shoulder and called out her name. "Bells, wake up." She didn't wake up but jumped a little in her sleep. "She's not waking up. Dad?"
"Just keep shaking her shoulder gently and saying her name."
I tried one more time. "Bella. It's just a dream. Wake up." She opened her eyes and sat straight up.
"I'm awake." She brought a shaking hand up to her forehead and held it there for a moment before opening her eyes and looking around the room. "Was I talking?" I nodded. I guess this wasn't something entirely new for her. Her face turned redder than I had ever seen it. "Sorry," she mumbled before standing up and leaving the room.
"Oh, honey…" Esme grabbed Carlisle's hand, her eyes tearing up. "She was dreaming about it."
He kissed their joined hands before wrapping an arm around her. "Nightmares are a very common reaction to trauma. I'd even bet she's not the only one having them."
"I've had them." Jasper acknowledged. "Quite a few, actually."
"Me, too," Edward added.
"I haven't, but I usually don't remember my dreams anyway," I said. My chest felt heavy and tight, a bit panicked even though I knew there was no reason to be.
"Is sleep talking a trauma response? What causes it?" Jasper asked.
"Sleep talking isn't generally a response to trauma. Bella asked if she was talking, which makes me assume it's something that she's done before. Some people's brains just are wired a bit differently, and when they're sleeping it doesn't always shut down their speech." Jasper and Edward both looked intrigued, but it seemed like Carlisle didn't want to dive into it at this time. "I'm sure I can find some research or book on it if you want to learn more. Why don't we finish our movie and head to bed?" Jasper resumed the movie.
It was hard to focus on the rest of the movie. Bella was back in the cafeteria with Eric just a minute ago, in her mind at least. I tried to avoid thinking about that day as much as I could, and was generally successful. Even if I thought about it, it was for a brief moment. I wasn't constantly reliving the experience in dreams or seeing it when I closed my eyes. The science behind sleep talking didn't interest me too much, but I was curious if there were ways to prevent nightmares. My mind circles through these thoughts until the movie ended and we headed to our rooms. For me at least, sleep came easy.
A/N: Thank you so much for reading! This is the first chapter I've written in five years. I know that feels like an eternity. If you're here reading my story despite that, I want to thank you much. And if you missed the author's note i posted two days ago, I'll summarize it for you: I'm back, I hope to post every two weeks, and I edited the last 16 chapters, so I recommend a re-read if you're down!
Please let me know what you think in the reviews! For returning readers, did you notice a difference? What are you looking forward to most? Do you like reading from Emmett's POV?