A/N: I know the last couple of chapters were rough but I think it makes the sweet, even sweeter. Hang with me, this story is full of love. How much better is love, when you come through the pain? There may be some heat in this chapter:)
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CHAPTER 9 Coffee for Two
I was filling in for Wade at the Rammer Jammer. He had called this morning and we talked. He thought maybe he would be gone another week or two but really didn't have a time frame. I was enjoying this gig behind the bar. Making others laugh, hearing all of what is going on in Bluebell. Wade must know all the secrets.
Shelley asked how Wade and Zoe were doing. I told her that they were going to make it based on what Wade had told me. Admittedly, it wasn't much.
"Lemon, don't you look like a breath of fresh air."
"Thanks Jesse, you sure know what to say to a woman."
"Not any woman, my girlfriend."
"I like the way that sounds. Hey everybody. Jesse Kinsella is my boyfriend and he is coming out from the bar and his going to kiss me so close your eyes."
The 15-20 people in the Rammer Jammer said "Awww" in unison. Bluebell still had a new couple to fall in love with.
"Jesse, we need to plan a date night when Zoe and Wade get back."
"We will sugar. IN the meantime, you want to come to Dad's tonight and have dinner?"
"I can't honey, I have Memory Matrons meeting tonight. You can come over after if you like."
"It depends on Dad, I don't like him being alone too much. Gives him the opportunity to make stupid choices."
"Now, you have to have faith. It has been almost a month and he is still sober. Give him some credit."
"I am Lemon, I just know all the times he quit."
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Another week had passed and I had sat in on three counseling sessions with Zoe. She wanted me to work through my feelings. The hurdles that I had to overcome.
- Me wanting to kill this person
- How to see her and not the victim
- Understanding how to proceed sexually.
Talking through these issues with Zoe present was invaluable. It meant that she wants us to be together. She still hadn't called me her boyfriend.
Later that evening, we had been playing scrabble, you know I must be in love. If any of my buddies knew this, I would never live it down. More and more, I realized that this was exactly what I wanted, someone to play scrabble, to watch tv, to go on runs with, to eat a nice meal with or scarf down a pizza. The simple things in life.
"Zoe, when are we planning on returning to Bluebell. I need to get some more money out of my account if we are going to be here longer than another week. I am not trying to rush you. Like I said, I will do what you need."
"I think I am ready Wade. I would like to finish out my week of therapy and then we could go home."
"It makes me extremely happy that you consider Bluebell your home." As he claimed my waist with his arms.
"I do, as hard as it is for me to believe myself. Wade, I know that is where we belong."
'I want to talk to the doctor about how to cope once we get back. I think that session would be great for you as well so let's do that on Thursday and we can get plane tickets for sometime on the weekend."
I picked her up on my arms and kissed her.
"But Wade, there is something we need to do first, before we can go."
"Anything, just name it."
"We need to take you to the tourist places in NYC. You have to see the statue of liberty and the 9/11 memorial and whatever you want."
We made a plan to go sightseeing for the next three days after our sessions.
We spent almost an entire day and night doing the Statue of liberty, the 9/11 memorial, the Empire State Building.
One day, we did a double decker tour bus around a portion of the city and went to a restaurant called Carnegie Deli. The portions were huge and luckily Zoe knew that, so we split a corned beef reuben. We had to exit the bus because the reuben hit me hard. Zoe laughed. She couldn't believe I could eat all that fried food at the Rammer Jammer but my stomach couldn't take a New York deli sandwich. Truly in three weeks, I hadn't had much fried food. I think Sesame chicken was the only time. I have cooked fairly healthy meals at the penthouse, but I let Zoe tease me because she was happy.
The last day, we went to a musical, Annie. It was entertaining if you like people singing through a whole movie.. Afterwards, we rode a rickshaw. A two wheeled covered bike that a man pedaled us around in. The little man was weaving in and out of cars. We thought we seriously might die.
We stayed in Times Square and did all of the touristy things like the brand type stores, Coke, M& M. Zoe had not done these things since she was little. We were experiencing it together. We laughed hysterically on a number of occasions as I tried on polar bear hats and bought an M&M pillow. I took at least a hundred pictures. I wanted to remember every single minute spent with Zoe Hart. The best thing we did in Times Square was get a caricature of the two of us. You know how they always make the heads really large, well they emphasized my cheek bones and the dimple in my chin. Zoe was as I would have imagined her as a little girl. The artist placed the most importance on her large brown eyes and her perfectly shaped plump lips. She was adorable.
We got home on that last day of sightseeing and were worn out. We had one day, Friday, to pack up and do whatever else we needed until we left for Bluebell on Saturday morning.
XXXXX
Friday came and we started packing and cleaning. Wade had made breakfast every day. Once I realized this, I said we have to go to Heimer's and get bagels. I practically dragged him there. He wanted to go but I was over the moon about these bagels and had been so caught up in my therapy that it hadn't crossed my mind in a couple of weeks.
"You're right Zoe, these are the best bagels I have ever had."
"Thank you, I knew you would love them."
"I would still rather have pancakes or eggs and bacon for breakfast though. Maybe if you had to love this fast paced lifestyle then it would be a delicious and convenient breakfast. I am glad I do not live this fast paced life.
"Wade, you don't live in a fast paced town but you never stop. You are the epitome of fast paced. You get up in the morning and work handyman jobs at the plantation, you go work at Rammer Jammer from 8-12 hours and on your days off you go help Shula , Bob, Me, or anyone that needs you."
When we finally finished packing and cleaning up. I had dinner delivered from a four star restaurant. We had wine, candles, beef wellington, au gratin potatoes and roasted brussel sprouts. Wade was in heaven.
"Cheers to you Wade"
"No, I have done nothing, you have done the hard work."
We moved to the couch, taking our wine with us.
"Well then will you cheers to us?"
"I will drink to us."
We clinked our glasses took a small sip and then he sat his drink on the table . He took mine and did the same. He stroked the back of my hand with his. "Zoe, I love you. I have told you that. I truly believe that you are the very reason that my heart pumps. I want you and only you. What I am trying to say is,"
I leaned into him and kissed him softly letting my tongue part his lips. Then I pulled away only inches from his and gazed into his beautiful caramel rimmed dark green eyes.
"Yes I will be your girlfriend for now and forever, if you will have me for that long."
"So we're official?"
"Yes, yes we are."
I lifted his shirt over his head. I was ready for more. This man had given me so much.
"Wade, you have given me my life back. You have given me my desire back. I know that for the rest of my life you will care for me in every way."
"I will, always"
I rubbed my hands over his abdomen. I made sure to take my time moving over each chiseled muscle. I whispered "I love your body" over his chest hairs sending a ripple of electricity through him. He shivered as I touched his body. He has waited so long to get the attention he deserves. It was time for me to take care of him.
His perfectly shaped face was traced by my lips. I placed wet kisses throughout his neck and earlobes until I said,"I love your generous soul." He let out a small moan. I think it was more than the kisses, it was what I was saying to him.
"May I touch you Zoe? I want to show you."
"Yes please."
He then lifted my shirt over my head, leaving me in my scarlet red bra. His mouth glided over my skin. In that instant my body yearned for him, both mentally and physically. Kissing my shoulders, sucking my neck, and peering into my soul sent me into overdrive. This man knows what I need. "Zoe, code word is 'Enough' please use it if you want me to stop."
"I will. I need you and I need to feel loved in this way."
"You are loved in this way but it doesn't all have to be tonight. We will take as many steps as you want. For now, this feels amazing. I love tasting your skin, I love the feel of your lips on my body."
I straddled him and I bore down him as if we were swimming slowly through the waves of a low tide. We rarely closed our eyes. I was looking right at him as the lower half of our bodies rubbed together. My legs shaking with a fury as he pinched and pulled on my breast. "Wade, I love you. I really love you" He stopped instantly. His body was still, his eyes searching for truth in my words.
"Enough?" I asked thinking something went wrong.
"You mean it Zoe? You love me? Not you love this?"
"Wade, I love you and I love this." The momentary stoppage had only made me hungrier. The words that came so easily out of my mouth made him hungrier too. I started mashing my body back and forth on his jeans and before I knew it my body was sweating, my panties were soaked. He stroked my hair as I collapsed on his shoulder. He whispered sweet words into my ear. "You are everything I ever wanted."
"Same, you have made me feel free. I want more of you."
"Zoe, I am scared."
"I know Cowboy, I am too but we have our word."
He picked me up and carried me to the bed, kissing me the whole way. The way he slipped me out of jeans sending chills up my spine. He slithered his tongue down my legs as he removed my jeans ever so slowly. The buildup was going to make me….. It was the most scintillating experience. I ran my fingers through his hair and I arched into him placing him where I wanted him. His mouth knew what to do and where to find my most vulnerable spots. I let out screams of delight, pure freakin' delight. I could feel him smiling as he finished me off.
I pulled him towards me and removed his jeans. Not quite the way he removed mine but I would be willing to be say he enjoyed it thoroughly. "Jesus Zoe" and took a deep breath, "You are the best girlfriend.' He smiled his crooked smile.
I gave him what he needed . "I love you Wade Kinsella, I sincerely love you."
We didn't have to say 'Enough' because we had satisfied our urges and desires. He filled me in every way.
Wade and I decided together at therapy that we didn't want to use the word STOP to indicate that we needed to stop for some reason while in a sexual act. This was really hard to discuss in therapy being that we had never had sex but we both knew where we wanted this go. I wanted to have sex with the most caring, generous, strong, gentle sexy man. I wanted to be able to have mind blowing sex with this man. I know he can give it to me if our few escapades are any indication. He turned me on and cranked me up faster than a Ferrari. "Enough" was going to be our code word. Why you ask?
The therapist explained that the code word was to be used when you felt a memory of the rape coming on so not associate it with a particular moment of ours.
Wade said, "If Zoe yells STOP to me, I think I would feel as if I hurt her. I don't want to feel as if I hurt her because I kissed her somewhere or maybe we moved too fast. Is that crazy of me?"
"The doctor said, "Wade, that is very insightful. Since you all have had some intimate moments but not actual sex, has there been a word that has been used that indicated you wanted to stop."
"Zoe wanted to go farther once, but I have a reputation of being a ladies man, I guess you would say. I didn't want her to feel like she was just another girl. So, when she wanted more, I told her, It was perfect and enough for me."
I chimed in and said, "why don't we use the word ENOUGH? To me, the word symbolizes that you have given me enough. I am fulfilled. Instead of filling our intimate moments with a word that might hurt the others feelings. I agree with Wade. IN this situation, Stop implies that he is thinking about the rape or that I am thinking about the rape. "
"Zoe, how about we say 'enough' during the moment and we agree to talk about why it was enoughafter the intimacy is over?"
I grabbed his hand and said, "It's perfect for me. Doctor, is that ok?"
The doctor agreed. Then added," This is your life and you two have to decide how you will live it. Wade, Zoe, you have given yourself an excellent foundation to build a relationship on. Wade is quite intuitive. Knowing Zoe's troubles were much worse and that she needed you after only ten days together. Wade, you might get scared and that is normal. If you deal with it, like you have dealt with Zoe and her trauma, I am positive that you two can make it as long as you want to."
"Doctor, if you are ever in Alabama, I make quite the cocktails. They will be on the house. Thanks for including me, Zoe. Can we come back in a few months just stay on track?"
I glanced at him, a few months, ummm, he really sees a future for us damaged goods and all.
"Yes, thanks Dr. Spoltman for your years of counseling me."
The next morning as we were gathering our bags to catch our plane to Alabama, he sang through the house. "We're leavin on a jet plane, don't know when we'll be back again. Oh I can't wait to go home." He changed the last line. I kissed his cheek and told him how much he makes me laugh.
In the airport, Wade pointed over to the Cinnabon, "I think you owe me. Remember when I tried to take you to the airport, I ate quite a few of these"
"I thought they made you sick and you were never eating them again?"
"Well I don't want five Doc, one will do."
"That's the first time you have called me Doc since the first day in New York."
"I love you Doc". "I love you too"
I walked over and bought Cinnabons and coffee for two. I like the way that sounded.
Coffee for two, Coffee for two.
XXXXXXX
I told the people who needed to know we were coming home. Both of us took another week off so we could get acclimated to be around people again and how to cope. The therapist said, it is easy when it is just the two of us but when you can't control the situation is when things can get hairy.
"Why aren't you stopping at my house, Wade."
"I hired some people to do some prep work for me while we were gone."
"What are you talking about?"
"Watching those HGTV shows inspired me. I am renovating the carriage house. I hate stripping wallpaper so I hired someone to do that and spackle them walls. Tomorrow, we will go to the paint store and you can pick out your colors. I want you to live with me until the reno is over."
"Wade, you are the best boyfriend ever for more than one reason." I wrapped my arms around his neck and his went around my waist. "So, is that a yes?" he asked.
"Absolutely."
XXXXXXXX
Double Date night started out at Dad's. When Wade and Zoe walked through the door, you would have thought it was two rock stars. They seemed so content.
"So, when did you two become official Jess?"
"A couple of weeks ago"
"Somehow they beat us to it Doc. How did that happen when I have been in love you for nearly a year?"
"I guess Jesse has way more game than you do Cowboy." Zoe said with a smirk.
"Yeah we will see about that when we go bowling tonight, right Jess."
"Kinsella boys, this is a date not a macho man contest." Lemon contested.
Dad asked Zoe to take him for a walk.
"Hey pretty doc, I sure have missed you."
"I have missed you too Earl. Wade and I are doing really well. I told him I loved him."
"Ya did?"
"Yep, we have worked through some pretty major things while in New York."
"Zoe, I have always known that you had incredible pain locked up. I think that is why we always just seemed to be able to talk openly. Now, Wade hasn't told me what happened to you before you moved here but I want you to know I am here for you."
"Umm, I know. Earl, my parents don't even know. Just Wade, my therapist and the man that raped me."
"Oh darlin, I can't imagine the hurt and pain you have been living with. I know my boy though. He will move hell and high water for you. And I know you. Next to my Jacqueline, you are the strongest woman I know. If anyone can make a life worth living it is you. Always face your fears and share them with the person that loves you the most, Wade."
I walked outside to tell Zoe and dad that dinner was ready and I saw them in a warm embrace.
"Thank you,Earl for staying sober. Wade and I both really need you. I love you."
"I love you Zoe."
I motioned over to Wade to look at Dad and Zoe. I don't think I have ever seen a larger grin. "Come on bro, they will be along." Wade and I walked back into a beautifully set table for fried chicken.
XXXXXXX
"What did you guys do in New York?" asked Lemon
"We ate all the time." Zoe said. "Lemon, Wade is an amazing cook."
"Well I remember when we would go fishing and he would cut the guts out and then cook the fish right there. It smelled nasty. But was always tasty."
"Alright are we doing girls against guys, or couple vs couple or just singles?"
"Couples, I don't think I have ever bowled"
"Zoe, that's. ridiculous"
"I know but it's true."
"Okay couples it is."
"Alright , we have to pick team names, what's yours going to be Wade?"
Zoe and Wade looked at each other and Zoe whispered in his ear. Wade said " TEAM ZADE"
We all laughed. "We get it Zoe and wade together."
Now it was mine and Lemon's turn to pick a name.
"No, Jesse Kinsella, that is plain awful. I am not being on a team named "JEMON"
We finally agreed on "Team Breesella" to keep the name thing going.
We had the best night and although we didn't know exactly why Zoe left and how Wade brought her back, we knew that this date was exactly what they needed. Wade as always been an outgoing, fun loving prankster but he was in his element tonight. Happier than I have ever seen him.
All of us in new relationships, all relishing the possibilities of what could lie ahead for each of us. Wade and I were brothers again but more than that, when you get older you become best friends. Our date night was like all of us had been freed from something that had been holding us back. I know for me, it was that Wade and I weren't on good terms, probably for Lemon, it was George. Zoe had something she had dealt with. For Wade, it was making the decision to chase after his dream girl and do whatever it took.
The night ended with a "Team Breesella" win. Zoe threw fourteen gutter balls. In fairness to Zoe, the ball was about 1/10 her body weight. So "Zade" had to treat us to hot fudge sundaes at Graeter's.
Zoe asked Lemon if she would help pick out paint for the carriage house. They made plans for tomorrow morning. Wade and I decided we would take Dad fishing tomorrow and then he would start painting the carriage house the following day.
I felt a new beginning was what we all needed. It was time to start making decisions that made us happy, not because of a [re conceived notion of what your life should be or what was expected from you.