Andy was on the edge of her chair in the waiting room. She kept shaking her leg and fought the urge to get up and leave again but Robert had said he would wait for her in the car after he dropped her off so leaving wasńt really an option. Her body was tense. Why was she so nervous about this? She ran into burning buildings and now going into an office scared her?

P: „Andrea Herrera?"

Andy took a deep breath and got up and followed the women into her office.

A: „It's Andy." Andy felt weird in this office, she wanted to leave but she knew she couldńt. There were bookshelf's all along the long wall, on the other side was a couch and two chairs in front of it. By the window was a desk with a lot of clutter on it.

P: „You can sit where ever you want" she said as she sat down in one of the chairs by the couch.

A: „I would rather stand." she said as she walked towards the window.

P: „ That's fine. Whatever makes you feel comfortable. So, what brought you here today, Andy?"

She was looking out the window while the Psychologist was waiting for an answer. It was storming today, the trees were swaying in the wind and every now and then it would rain. The sun was nowhere to be seen, so the office was quite dark.

A: „I'm fine, I really don't need to be here."

P: „Then why did you decide to come anyways?"

Her tone was annoying, so soft like she was scared Andy could break apart if she wasn't careful enough.

A: „Because that Jackass doctor said he would admit me if i didn't go and because my husband wanted me to go too."

P: „What do you think, Why does your husband wanted you to come?"

Andy still didńt turn towards her, she got annoyed more and more by her questions and was again fighting the urge to just run out of this office right this second. Over the years in the department they had a couple of occasions where a psychologist came in to talk to everyone, like after Rigo died, but she had always been hesitant to share anything with a stranger that was analyzing every word and movement she made.

A: „I guess he is worried."

P: „How come?"

Andy took a deep breath before answering.

A: „Because I haven't really talked to him since my mom appeared, at least not about her and I guess i haven't slept much since then either or ... ate much."

Andy had to swallow and wiped away a single tear that had escaped her eye. She had not noticed all this until Robert screamed it at her after the doctors appointment. But when she was in the park alone, thinking about it and reflecting on the previous days, she had noticed more and more that he may have a point.

P: „And do you think he is right?"

Andy slowely turned around now.

A: „Maybe."

She had a lump in her throat. She knew he was right but admitting it wasńt her strength.

P: „Do you wanna talk about why you went to a doctor in the first place?"

Andy now moved over to the couch and let herself fall down.

A: „Didn't he already tell you that?"

P: „No, he is not allowed to tell me something like that. He only said you needed an appointment as soon as possible."

She looked down to her hands and she kept rubbing her fingers. For a while there was silence, Andy didn't wanna talk to that stranger. Did she even have to? All they wanted was for her to go and she did.

A: „I..." she paused again still looking down.

A: „My whole body was in pain and I was at work so my captain sent me home."

P: „What work do you do?"

Now Andy looked up. This was nothing she was embarrassed about and you could hear a little pride when she spoke next.

A: „I am a firefighter."

P: „So your Captain was worried about your safety and wanted you to get checked out."

Andy just nodded.

P: „When did the pain start?"

A: „I think 3 or 4 days ago maybe."

P: „And did anything happen then?"

Andy turned her head and looked out of the window again where now rain was pouring down. How fitting. She didńt want to talk about her mom and she didńt want to think about her but the more she thought about her the madder she became. She turned her head back and looked at the psychologist.

A: „My mom died when i was nine, and about three weeks ago i learned that in fact she was very well alive."

She paused for a second but the psychologist seemed to know that there was more to the story, as she just waited for Andy to keep talking. Her voice became a little shaky when she went on. She didńt want it to be, she had always been strong and fearless. Her mom didn't get to change that.

A: „4 days ago i went to meet her. She said she left because she was in trouble and wanted me to be safe and then my aunt got a call and my mom hugged me goodbye and ran off. I haveńt heard from her since."

P: „ So You were nine 9 years old when your mom left and you thought she was dead. Your body remembers the last Hug from her and your body felt the same way 4 days ago when she hugged you and left you again. That's why it hurts so much, that's why you feel the pain all over your body. But you were not alone back then, your dad was there and now your husband is by your site."

Tears started rolling down her cheeks slowly. She promised herself before that she wouldn't cry in here but she couldńt hold it back anymore. It felt like she just got shattered by those words but at the same time it felt like they were healing words as well because it made complete sense. Maybe that was also why the pain eased when Robert held her, her body felt the love.

P: „Did anything else traumatic happened lately?"

Andy let out a little laugh to the suprise of her Psychologist.

A: „Well, my best friend got shot by a 5 year old kid in front of me and then he bled out right there, then my dad sacrificed his life to save mine and the teams because we were trapped in a fire and my husband had surgery right when i found out about my mom... so yea maybe some things have happened recently."

P: „Yea that would be a lot to handle for anyone. I think it would be good for you to come see me on a regular basis for a while."

Andy just nodded slightly and wiped away her tears.

P: „Unfortunately we are close to the end of our session but you said you wereńt sleeping a lot. How many hours do you sleep on average a night?"

A: „I don't know maybe 3 ... i get up in between."

P: „Okey, I'm gonna prescribe you some medication that should help you sleep better. Sleep deprivation can get dangerous if it's going on for too long."

Andy wanted to protest and say that she didn't need it but she was relieved at the same time. The lack of sleep was wearing on her and at least then she wouldn't have to think about anything for a while.

P: „Here is your prescription and at the front desk you can make new appointments. For now i think it would be good if you come see me twice a week and I'm also freeing you from work for now."

Now Andy got annoyed again, she wanted to work and not sit around at home all the time but she figured arguing wouldńt help her here.

A: „For how long?"

P: „For now, two weeks. Then wéll see if you are ready or need more time."

A: „Fine", she sighed.

She took the prescription, made more appointments and went outside where he saw Robert sitting in their car waiting. She ran over to the car so she wouldńt get too wet as the rain was still pouring down.

A: „Can we stop at a pharmacy?" she waved with the prescription.

R: „Sure. So how did it got?"

A: „I'm still kind of mad you made me go but ... i guess it wasn't too bad."

Robert smiled a little took her hand and kissed it. He was relieved Andy took the help she needed. On their way home they stopped to get the medication for Andy. Andy was silent the whole time, deep in her thoughts about the session and even though she was silent Robert could see she was right here, not trapped in her own world like she had been most of the time in the last days.