It was now ten days since Erin and Jay had seen each other last, when she woke up the first thing she thought was that she hoped that she was going to see him soon. She missed him. She rolled over and picked her phone up, fully expecting there to be no text because his messages had been pretty hit and miss lately due to him still not feeling well. She was pleasantly surprised to see a text from him, it was the earliest he'd texted since before he became unwell, 09:18. Hey, I'm feeling 100% better today, had a final knock out sleep and it seems to have done the trick. I'm still not up for walks or whatever but if you fancy it, I've got a free house for the day. Mom's at work then going to my grandma's and Will is staying over at Nat's. Just come over whenever - if you're free of course lol. Hopefully see you later :) Just text when you're on your way over, front door is open so just come in :) xx - Jay.
She smiled at the text and quickly replied, So glad you're feeling better! I'll have some breakfast and I'll be over in about an hour and a half ish? xx - Erin
He texted back almost instantly Sure that's fine. I'm in the living room. See you later :) xx- Jay.
She smiled at her phone again and went downstairs, feeling much lighter than she had all week. He surely wouldn't invite her round if he was mad at her or upset, so the fact he had reached out and invited her round made her feel much more confident. She knew they'd need to talk about what happened and what she had told him but she felt surprisingly okay with it. Reminding herself that he wouldn't have invited her over if he didn't really want to talk to her. As she walked down stairs with a smile on her face for the first time in over a week, Camille could tell straight away that she was going to see Jay today. She decided not to comment on it, not wanting to embarrass Erin for being so openly smitten with him (though, she was sure that Erin didn't realise it yet). She just hoped that Erin's mood would turn around and that she and Jay could have a proper conversation about whatever has gone on between them and hopefully Erin could work out what was going through her mind.
"So, Erin have you got any plans today?" Camille asked over their coffee and breakfast.
"I'm going to go round to Jay's in about an hour - he's feeling much better and he told me to go round whenever," She replied.
"Oh good, I'm glad he's feeling better."
"I know, me too. He text me last night saying he couldn't believe how bad he has been. I still feel bad though. Logically, I know if what I'd told him had caused this or he was that disgusted by what I'd told him - then he wouldn't be speaking to me or asking me to come over. But then, there's still this little niggling voice in the back of my head…" She sighed, not knowing how to finish the sentence.
"You need to tell that niggling voice in the back of your head to get lost -" Camille started but Erin went to interrupt. She held up her hand to stop Erin from interrupting, "As I was about to say, I know it's easier said than done. But you even said it yourself - he wouldn't be texting you or telling you to come over. So please, just go over there and talk to him. I know it might be awkward but it's better if you talk about it than bury it. You never know, he might open up to you about what's been going on in his head this week - I'm sure he's had a lot to think about. Like Catherine said, she suspects the run in with this Ally girl has thrown a spanner in the works. Just talk to him and I'm pretty confident everything will be okay."
Erin nodded, "Okay, I'll try. Where's Justin?" She asked, changing the subject - not wanting to keep talking about Jay.
"He's gone out with Danny and Carl to play basketball down at the park," she replied.
"At least he's out the house - meaning you have a nice day to yourself," Erin laughed and Camille smiled at her. "Okay, I'm going to go and get a shower and get ready. I'll come and say bye before I go."
"Okay, oh I'm putting a wash on today so just bring down any bits you need washing and I'll throw them in."
"Thank you, I shouldn't be long," Erin replied and went upstairs to go and get ready.
Jay was sat on the couch, watching friends. He was so glad that Erin had texted him back and told him that she'd come over. He really needed to talk to someone that wasn't his mom, or his brother. He'd really missed talking to Erin, having only known her a couple of weeks, it had shocked him at how much he missed her presence in the ten days since he had last seen her. He couldn't understand why he had missed her so much. There was just something about her that made him feel really happy and more himself than he had in months, years even. Some of the things that she had told him about how she grew up had completely broken his heart, and he really wish he could've been there for her the days after she told him - knowing that it would have been hard for her to rehash all of those memories and then him suddenly be unavailable to talk. He should've text her about it when he was feeling better - but in all honesty, he really didn't know how to text her about it. He didn't want to randomly text her and bring up what she had said to him - it was something that needed to be talked about in person. He just hoped that if she had been struggling with the memories that she had at least spoken to Camille as he knew that they were close. He checked his watch and saw that it had been two hours since Erin had text him telling her she'd be over in an hour and a half. Did she want to come over? Why hadn't she text him if she was going to be late? He was just about to pick up his phone to text her when there was a knock, followed by the front door opening. He put his phone down and looked up to see Erin coming inside. He smiled at her, "Hey! Long time no see," He said, getting up and giving her a hug.
"I know, how're you feeling? You don't look too much like shit," She laughed.
"Oh thanks. Yeah, I'm good though," He replied as they both sat down on the couch. "I haven't had a week like that in so long, it really took it out of me. I'm doing okay now though, I'm pretty much 100% but I just didn't fancy leaving the house today. Fancy just chilling and binging some friends?"
"Yeah, that sounds good actually," She replied.
"Do you want a coffee or anything? I need another one," He asked.
"Yes please. Two sugars and just a bit of milk please," She said and he nodded, going into the kitchen to pour both of their coffees. He found it funny that they both took their coffee the same way, it was weird how similar they both were. Once he was done, he took the mugs back through and they sat back and began watching friends.
"You know, I kind of blamed myself for everything that happened to you?" Erin admitted a while later, when things were quiet after their fourth episode finished and their fifth began playing.
Jay looked at her, "Wait, what?"
She sighed, "Well, I overheard your mom talk to Camille about why you get migraines and why you get so unwell. I only heard a bit of the conversation and I heard her say that she thought something had upset you…"
"She was right," He replied, interrupting her, and paused the television as he knew they needed to talk if this was how she felt, "Something did upset me. But it wasn't anything to do with what you told me, Erin. I promise you that."
"Really? So it's just a coincidence that I told you my deepest darkest secrets and you so happen to make yourself really ill?" She asked, not fully believing him.
"A really, really awful coincidence. What you told me was awful, Erin. But, it doesn't make me see you any differently. You are amazing, I couldn't even imagine going through some of the stuff you did and coming through the other side as well as you have. Like I said the other day, you could've told me you murdered someone and it still wouldn't have bothered me. What you told me had absolutely nothing to do with what went in my head. I promise you that," He said, assertively - trying to get it through to her that he was telling the truth.
"But what was it? I mean, your mom thought it was something to do with Ally apparently, but you were fine after you talked to her."
He shrugged, "She said some things, I thought I'd just brushed them off."
"You should've said something to me - that she had said something to hurt you when you came and found me. I would never have told you all my shit if I knew she'd hurt you."
"To be honest, Er, I don't think I even realised that she had properly got to me until I was talking to Will a bit later on. But when I was finally alone with my thoughts my head was just spinning. She said some things that made me question everything about myself and it took me back to always being seen as weak by my dad," He explained, "You know what? I probably just overreacted. It's just words, right?"
Erin could tell that he was embarrassed that he was hurt by Ally's words, "Hey, it's okay to feel hurt because of what she said to you. You have been through a lot…"
"Yeah but it's nothing like what you've gone through. I mean, I was just pushed around a bit by my dad," He shrugged, underplaying what he had gone through.
"No, Jay you're wrong. Just because our trauma's are different, doesn't mean we both can't feel hurt and upset about what we went through. We can't compare our situations, Jay. And it wasn't 'just being pushed around a bit', you were abused. And it's okay to say that," she said, trying to get through to him that it was okay to admit that he was hurt. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"She called me weak," he admitted, quietly. "She called me weak and all I kept thinking about was how my dad used to make me feel. I used to be this skinny, weak, small kid. I was bullied a lot at school and at home. I'd come home with a black eye and my dad would just say I was weak and was stupid for not fighting back. He said I should be more like Will, because believe it or not until last year he was the more athletic or "stronger" one of us. Ally has known me since I was a kid, always knew how self conscious I got about how I looked and how skinny I was. She heard my dad call me a weak ass little boy countless times and that's exactly what she called me the other day. I just felt myself get overwhelmed, remembering all of the things that happened. My dad - he was ruthless. Absolutely terrible to me, but always when my mom wasn't there - and even when she was. But it was always worse when she wasn't. When things with my dad got started to get worse and he became much more physical, that's when I decided to change. It's why I've become obsessed with working out and bulking up, it was so I could fight back one day. I'm glad it didn't come to that, and mom found out but I finally feel okay in myself. I stopped seeing myself as this weak kid."
"But then seeing her, and having her say that to you just really took you back there. I'm sorry, Jay. That must be rough," Erin sympathised, and reached out and squeezed his arm.
"Yeah, I think I'd been thinking about what went down between us more since I got back into contact with Mouse. The shit she told all my friends about why we broke up was awful. She made it out like I was basically pressuring her into sex and then broke up with her after we slept together. Which couldn't be further from the truth. Yeah we slept together yeah but I never broke up with her after I got what I wanted. She then told them that I'd made sex our to be a chore, and that I was bored. She told one of them we had only slept together once, but another that we had been sleeping together for about a year. She made me out to be the pig and because of the way I'd changed over the year, they believed it."
"Shit, I can't believe she managed to convince them that you'd done that to her. So what did happen?" Erin asked.
"Well, we had been sleeping together for about a year - that was the truth. But I have always been really self conscious and I didn't sleep with her until a bit into the relationship, because I was scared. It sounds so stupid-"
"No, not stupid. It's completely valid. Just because you're a lad doesn't mean you can't feel like that," Erin interrupted, not liking the whole "boys can't feel this way" feeling she was getting from him.
"It's just lads don't feel like this, at least not openly. But yeah, we weren't innocent or anything and I did like her - wasn't just sleeping with her because I wanted to get laid like most lads. I don't think I loved her though... but yeah, when I had bad weeks with my dad, I would obviously not really be up for anything because well, bruises and self-doubt. She didn't like that. I do think she knew something was going on but she never cared enough to ask. I broke up with her when she called me selfish for not wanting to sleep with her. I was sick of it, I constantly felt like I was walking on eggshells around her all the time and constantly disappointing her. It was better that I did end it but she just knows how to get under my skin," he laughed, even though it wasn't funny.
"It sounds that she was very manipulative to everyone and has a way of making things fit her narrative. I'm sorry that all your friends believed her - but I'm glad that they now know otherwise. Or at least Mouse does because I can tell that you two are good friends," she observed.
He nodded, "Yeah, Mouse is great. But I do have to say you've pretty much been one of the best friends I have ever had. I mean, I've never told anyone any of that before - not even Mouse."
"I guess that's our thing then?" She laughed.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, knowing someone for two weeks, clicking instantly, becoming really good friends and finally having someone to tell all our shit too? Like I've never had a friend that I've felt that I could open up to like I have in such little time. Sure, Kim is a good friend but I still haven't been able to tell her everything. But telling you? It was easy," she explained, casually (trying to make out that it wasn't a big thing).
He grinned at her, "You know, I feel the same. It was really easy to open up to you - well not easy because talking about this stuff is never easy. But being able to tell you was easier than it ever was with anyone else. I'm pretty glad we chose to move into this house instead of the other one my mom was considering. Who know's how our lives would've turned out if she didn't?"
"Yeah, who knows what could've happened. We may have met at school and become friends, or never even crossed paths with one another. So weird! I'm kinda glad we have met though, spilling feelings, binging tv and eating crap - what's not to love?" She joked.
He chuckled and was about to reply when they were interrupted by a knock on the front door. He certainly wasn't expecting anyone. So he stood up and walked to the front door, to see who it was. When he opened the door, he was surprised to see Camille on the other side. "Hello Mrs. Voight, is everything okay?"
"I'm so glad you're doing better, Jay. And please, call me Camille," she asked and he nodded. They were quickly joined by Erin who thought Camille wanted to see her. "I've bought you both over some burgers for lunch. I drove past McDonald's on my way back from the shops and couldn't resist. Besides, your mom has said you need to eat and I know that you two would've probably forgot the time and been hooked on some TV show, so here you go. Two Big Macs and fries."
"Thank you," Jay said, taking the bag that she handed him.
"Thank you Camille," Erin said, "What time do you want me home for dinner?"
"Dinner will be at seven thirty, Hank's not back until about seven-ish. I'll see you later," she replied, "Bye, Jay."
"Bye," Erin and Jay both said at the same time and retreated back into the living room.
He handed her the meal and drink that was for her, "Okay, so enough of this talking about our feelings for now - how about we carry on with some criminal minds, I haven't watched any since that night you were last here."
"That sounds perfect," she replied, sitting back and making herself comfy. Jay smiled and switched friends off and put on criminal minds. They spent the rest of the afternoon watching criminal minds, and they even spoke a bit about the Harry Potter book that Erin was reading. She was telling him about how she really liked Cedric but he didn't have the heart to tell her about what actually happens to him so he skirted around the topic a bit. She finally left at seven, and they were both incredibly happy to have spent the afternoon together. He gave her another hug before she left and said thank you to her, for being there for him. She smiled and completely brushed it off, stating that that was what friends were for.
Catherine returned home after an extremely long day at work, and walked in the house to find Jay half asleep on the sofa, "Hey, how're you feeling?" She asked, suddenly feeling worried that he was looking like he was falling asleep.
"I'm fine, just tired," He replied, sitting up so she could sit down beside him.
"You sure you're feeling okay?" She asked and he nodded, "Okay, good. So what have you done today?"
"Erin came round for a few hours, she left like 5 minutes ago, actually. How was work?"
"It was good, thank you. Just busy still trying to get everything ready. I've had to do a lot of training because everything has changed since I last taught. So, did you and Erin have a nice day then?" She asked, already knowing that Erin had been over, Camille had text her during the day asking Jay's McDonald's order.
"Yeah, we did actually. She told me that she's been blaming herself for what happened to me," He admitted.
She looked confused at this admission, "How come?"
"Well, you know that night you went over to Camille's?" He asked and she nodded, "She overheard you saying you thought something that happened that day kicked off my migraine attack. What she didn't hear - was you talking about Ally. Thing is, she told me a lot of stuff about her past that afternoon and she was anxious enough about me knowing some of the stuff she told me - and hearing that just convinced her that what she had told me had stressed me out so much…"
"Oh Jay, I'm sorry - I had no idea. So was I right though, did Ally say something?"
He nodded, "Yeah, she just said a lot of stuff about me being weak and some shit about Erin. She just knows how to get in my head. You know I don't like being thought of as weak. That's what dad used to call me. Even before he started hitting me."
"Jay, I'm sorry - I should've known and made you talk about it."
He shook his head, "I didn't even realise it had got to me until that night. When I went back to Erin, she was upset about her little brother."
"What? Is Justin okay?"
"Not Justin, her half brother. We'd just seen Ben, and he is about the same age as her little brother - who lives with his dad. She hasn't seen him for a few years. I don't want to tell you everything that she told me because she told me in confidence - but basically she had the worst childhood imaginable. Her mom was a junkie and some of the things Erin had to do to survive was awful - what no person should ever have to do. She was taken in by Camille and Hank. He got to know her through work, she was his CI for a while and her last chance was either go home with him or go to jail," He explained.
Catherine was shocked, she knew whatever Erin's story was wasn't going to be a good one, but she hadn't expected this, "Wow, that's a lot to take in. I can see why she was upset thinking that she'd caused it. I'm sorry for talking to Camille about it - too. I was just so worried about you."
"It's fine mom, I get it. I know you always get really worried about me when this happens," He replied, not wanting her to feel bad.
"So are you and Erin okay then?"
"Yeah, we talked about some of the stuff we have both been through. We've decided it's our thing - pig out on food, tell each other our secrets and watch Criminal Minds - much better than bottling shit up," He joked.
She rolled her eyes, "As long as you're talking to someone about it. Don't keep this stuff bottled up, Jay. Please talk to me, or anyone next time something like this happens."
"I will do," He replied. "I'm sorry for giving you a scare, I know you get worried when I am that ill."
"I have been worried. You've lost so much weight because you barely ate and seeing you when you get this thin is horrible," She sighed.
"Ah, is that why Camille bought over McDonald's? You've been telling her I need to start eating again?"
She laughed, "I did mention it, and she text me this afternoon that she was bringing McDonalds back for Erin, and what you would want. Apparently you both have very similar tastes because your order was identical."
"Wow, I just thought she got me what Erin would usually get," He laughed, "Thanks mom."
"So, you and Erin then? What's going on there?" She asked, casually.
He groaned, "Ugh, mom. Nothing! We are just friends, okay?"
"Hmm, you've been spending a lot of time together, and you've been talking to her about a lot of stuff… It's not that far fetched to assume that something's going on."
"Nothing's going on - we are just friends. We've known each other like two and a half weeks or however long it's been. Why can't a guy and a girl just be friends?" He asked.
"Okay, okay. I won't mention it again - all I will say is that it's nice seeing you happy," She said and watched Jay try not to smile. She didn't mention how clearly smitten he was with the girl so she changed the subject. "Okay, what about I quickly whip up some food and we watch a film or something? It's been strange not sitting with you at nights and now you're feeling better we should have a nice night."
"Oh yeah, sounds good. I'm starving!" He exclaimed, grinning at her.
She rolled her eyes, "Well you're definitely back to normal if you're telling me you're starving. How about a Veg stir fry?" She asked and he nodded. "Okay, I'll go and quickly make it. You see what things we have missed since you've been unwell and pick something. It'll be ready in about fifteen."
"Thanks mom, you're the best," He replied as she got up and went into the kitchen. He picked up the remote and searched through their recordings and found a couple of episodes of a documentary series they enjoyed had recorded. So he settled on them, knowing his mom would enjoy it.
Camille was sat with Erin in the back garden after their family dinner. Hank was inside with Justin washing up so she took this opportunity to talk to Erin to see how she was doing. She had noticed a huge difference in her demeanour after spending an afternoon with Jay, and was so glad that she seemed happier than she had been. "So did you and Jay have a good afternoon?" She asked.
Erin nodded, "Yeah, we did thanks. Thank you for the McDonald's - you were right we would've definitely forgotten to eat."
"It's no problem. Besides like I told Jay, Catherine had been telling me that he needed fattening up again. She said he had lost weight this week, and I even noticed when he came to the door," She said and Erin nodded, indicating she had noticed his weight loss, too. "She said he had barely eaten for like 6 days and after that it was barely a bit of toast here and there. So, did you talk to him about what you've been feeling?"
Erin nodded, "I did. We had a proper talk, and his mom was right, Ally had said something. He said it was a terrible coincidence that his migraine started straight after I told him everything. Basically, Ally said some shit to him about him being weak and it reminded him of his dad and some of the stuff he went through with him. He hadn't even realised it had bothered him until he went to bed that night and then he was overthinking everything…"
"Over thinking? Sounds like someone I know," Camille joked nudging Erin with her elbow.
She rolled her eyes, "Shut up. But he kind of got himself worked up and just stressed himself out with it all. He's doing okay though. He's good. We're good."
"I'm glad you're both okay and that you both talked - it sounds like you both needed it."
"We did. It's nice having a friend like him to talk to, I trust him enough to tell him about what I've been through. Kim's great, but I don't always feel like I can tell her everything. She's too green,"Erin said and Camille nodded, agreeing with her. "I think I'm going to go up to bed."
"You sure? It's still early," Camille asked.
"Yeah, I'm tired. Might just read for a bit. I've not got too much left of the goblet of fire," She said, "I'll see you in the morning."
"Okay, good night," Camille replied, giving Erin a hug before she left her alone.
Hank walked outside with a beer and a gin and tonic in his hands and joined her at the table, "Justin's gone upstairs, he wants to play on his game. A tournament or something on FIFA."
She took the gin from his hands, "Thanks, love."
"No problem," He smiled, "So, Erin seems much brighter today. I take it has something to do with that Jay boy being better."
Camille tried to hide a laugh at the anything but casual way Hank had come out with that statement, "Yeah, he's better. They talked a lot about some of the stuff they've both been through. She actually told him what she's been through the day before he got ill."
"Everything?" He asked.
She nodded, "Yep, everything. So she has been worried that he didn't want to talk to her anymore - you know typical teenage girl shit. But turns out he was going through his own shit. He got into his head about him being weak or something - which turns out to be what his dad used to say to him. I told you what he went through with his dad, so it just seems he was struggling with the memories. They're both okay though, I think they just needed to talk properly."
"Hmm. I'm not sure I like just how close they're getting."
Camille rolled her eyes, "Hank, she's 16. She's going to have boyfriends, but she's told me that her and Jay are just friends and I believe her. Even if they were more than friends would it really be that bad? She's had a hard life, she needs to do things that 'normal' teenagers do."
"She's not a normal teenager though, Cam. She's been through more stuff than most adults will ever even witness. It's not as simple as that and you know it."
"Hank, you're being a typical dad right now and as much as it's adorable…" She began but got interrupted by her husband.
"I am not adorable!" He grumbled.
"Shut up. Just so you know, if and I mean if anything ever happened between them - you will do nothing. You'll say nothing. You'll allow it -" He went to interrupt her again but she held her hand up to signal to him to stay quiet, "I'm not done. You won't say anything, Hank. Because if we told her no - she'd go and do it anyway. Just let her live and let her be a teenager. If you don't then you know she might do something stupid. Look at what she used to do when she first moved in, we really don't want her going back to that. Countless nights staying up worrying about where she was? We can't go through that again. She's finally safe, Hank. She needs the stability and I do not want you ruining that for her. Okay?"
"Fine, you're right. When you put it like that… it makes it not seem that much of a big deal…"
"When are you going to learn that I'm always right?" She asked and he just rolled his eyes. "But yes, it's not a big deal. Anyway, I don't think anything's going to happen there yet. They're still figuring stuff out for themselves, I doubt they even realise that they both even like each other - you know what kids are like," She rolled her eyes.
He laughed, "Yeah, that's true. I just worry about her."
"I know you do. She's been through a lot but she's had a good year. Just let her be a normal teenager. Don't go all over-protective cop dad on her now."
"Okay, I won't do. Come on, let's go back inside and take advantage that both kids are upstairs in their room and we can watch whatever we want," He said.
"Oh yes, I was thinking today that we had a few episodes of that show you like to catch up on," She replied getting up and following him inside.
Erin had just finished reading the Goblet of Fire, she was heartbroken, shocked and bewildered at what she had just read. She grabbed her phone and saw it was only 23:05, so she text Jay YOU COULD'VE WARNED ME ABOUT CEDRIC! I WAS JUST SAYING TODAY HOW MUCH I LIKED HIM! But wow. Such a good book! Really can't wait to read the next one! Thank you for letting me read these books, they're honestly incredible. Hope you and your mom had a nice quiet night xxx - Erin
She put her phone down on her bedside cabinet and turned her tv on, needing to decompress from what she had just read, so she put on an episode of friends to take her mind off of it. Her phone buzzed and she quickly picked it up to read what had been sent. Haha, I'm sorry, but I just couldn't ruin the ending! IT is a crazy book, one of my favourites. Then again, I'll probably say that about every book :P I just love HP. I doubt I'm gonna get chance to read OOTP and finish the series this summer, so I'll give you the next book tomorrow :) You're getting closer to finishing! Still up for the HP binge day once you're done? Me and mom had a nice night, thanks. I'm going to bed now, but I'll speak to you tomorrow. Night Er :) xxx -Jay
She smiled at his text and quickly text back It's fine I forgive you. It was such a good book though! A HP film day sounds awesome. Glad you and your mom had a good night. I'll speak to you tomorrow, night xxx -Erin
Once she hit send, she put it back down and turned her attention back to friends. She felt so much happier tonight, now she had talked to Jay, and they had been fully open and honest about how they both felt. She doesn't know how she really feels about him. She had never been this close to anyone before and that scared her, but also calmed her. He was definitely her best friend, but something felt different and she couldn't quite put her finger on it. She decided to stop thinking about it and just concentrate on this episode of friends before going to sleep.
AN: So they finally talked :) Let me know what you thought! Please ignore any major errors or anything, its half 2 in the morning and I was just desperate to get this chapter finished as I've been working on it for ages. Hoping to work on the next back to normal chapter so you won't be left on the bunny cliffhanger much longer ;) but if I can't get inspo for that story, I'll just go back to the tattoo one because that next chapter will be cute af ;)