Chapter Nine
I said a tearful farewell to my mount when dawn crept up to the horizon somewhere in the unknowns of northern Colorado. Like, Slim, I didn't want Trav to witness my death, but also like Slim, I had a difficult time with the part. There wasn't enough strength in my body to scare him off, so I just gave him a gentle pat to his rump and then started walking, well, actually it was closer to stumbling in the opposite direction. To make certain I wasn't being followed, I tread on some ground that a horse wouldn't have had an easy time with, and then when I confirmed my solitary status, I slid my backside to the ground.
Dad-gum. It couldn't be too far off. I looked at my surroundings with a strange sense pulsing through my head, not sure if the spot I was in was a proper place to die. But would anywhere fit that bill? I didn't wanna just be discarded along some phantom hill somewhere, but it needed to have meaning that fit more along the life I'd tried so hard to live. I doubted I coulda walked if I got to my feet, but there had to be someplace more peaceful to depart from this earth, so I stretched out a hand and began to scoot my body across the dirt. Whenever I reached a rock or a stump, I hoisted myself higher up to catch a better view of where I aimed, and as the breaths were getting harder to take, it was at a fire-charred stump where I took a rest. Despite the blackened hue of the wood beneath me, there was an ample amount of greenery around, which told me water couldn't be far. A gentle stream, the coolness it would offer, the promise of renewal, it all beckoned me. All I had to do was get there.
Drawing in a weak breath, I dropped away from the stump and crawled forward, trying to let my ears be my guide, and when I finally heard the softest gurgle, I felt the tension ease. I was gonna make it. The dirt changing temperature against my palm, I raised my head and saw the creek, quiet and lazy, and knowing I had been led beside still waters, I was ready to accept what would happen next. A mossy bed near my side, I rolled until my back was against it and looked up. The light in the sky was beginning to shift to afternoon, and I figured by the time it grew dark, I'd be gone. My hand reached across my middle to find it, and as I made contact, my eyes drifted to closure.
A wave of pain told me I was still breathing, and without even knowing I was doing it, my fingers massaged the site, not giving me much aid, but with each additional pinch of pain, my conscious level worked a bit higher. The sun was still up, but I couldn't gauge the hour, and even though I stared at the shadows, it wasn't the question about the time that was piquing my interest. Working for the stage line, a man gets accustomed to certain noises and wheels turning over ground was one of them. There was a group of them if I wasn't mistaken.
My elbow somehow having the ability to prop myself up, my eyes which shoulda been blurred searched out the sound, and through a part in the trees it was easily found. Wagon train. It looked to be heading west, searching for a destination of gold, or at least a place to root down, but there were a lotta miles left to get there. Maybe it was because I was facing my end, but viewing the scene below me made me feel kinda nostalgic, and grateful that I'd found a place where my roots didn't just have ground to be lowered in, but land that could be branched out in. I mighta chose to not die on the Sherman Ranch, but I knew I was gonna still be a part of it after I was gone. I had my best friend to thank for that.
Slim. Dad-gum, I had to think of him. I woulda been branded a liar if I woulda said I wasn't feeling sad. Sure, I hated this sickness and woulda been glad to give it a feel of my boot as I made my departure, but I knew there'd be a different type of pain that would linger, for as long as those that cared about me still had breath. There weren't very many, but the small number of friends didn't bother me none. I had one that I called the best, and because I'd enjoyed the experience of sharing life with a man that was like a brother to me, even if the span was less than two years, I was mighty richer for it. My pockets would remain empty, but my heart was full.
Gasping through another punch of pain that switched to nausea, I turned my head to the side, but no amount of retching would bring me any ease. My lips close to the ground, I gagged a final time, my throat raw with coughing, but I managed to utter a plea. "Please, let it be over soon. Please."
I didn't expect God to just step outta the sky and take my hand, but it woulda been nice to have a whisper float outta heaven to lure me upward. Time doesn't exist when something poignant was happening, so I didn't know how much passed when I did hear a sound, but it wasn't booming or lilting outta the sky. Someone was coming, but even in my condition I could sense that it wasn't no angel. My tingling backbone had never failed me yet, and even though I felt my body stiffen, I knew there was no way I could fight whoever it was. My brain did accomplish a little directing, though, for my hand balled into a fist when the brush parted and a figure stepped between me and the sun.
"You look like you're in rough shape," a voice said, and since the sunlight was blocked out even further, I reckon he was kneeling over me. "What's wrong?"
"I'm dying," I said, trying to sound gruff, but it came out like a mewing kitten. "Leave me alone."
"Dying?" I felt hands, and I twisted my torso to try to rid them, but they didn't leave.
"Ouch, dadgummit," I said, and any attempt I mighta made to rise was thwarted by them hands. "It already hurts bad enough, don't make it worse."
"You're in a lot of pain."
"I dunno how anyone could tell," I said, the sarcasm making me sound just a little bit more like the borderline of fury I wanted to show.
"I could help you."
"No. I wanna die in peace, and you ain't making that possible."
"You see, I'm a…"
"I don't care what you are, I wanna be alone. Now get. You're lucky I ain't got the strength to draw my gun or you'd be in worse shape than I am."
"All right," he said, and I dunno if it was the tone of his voice, but I kinda figured he didn't mean his reply. The sunlight came back, and I knew he'd moved outta its rays, and even though I thought I should offer a cordial reply, I just laid my head back down and closed my eyes, listening as the steps retreated, but I didn't count enough to figure that he'd actually gone away.
I was angry, but even the puffs of heat weren't gonna be enough to suspend the inevitable. The pain had peaked when the stranger probed around my belly, but now as it was waning a bit, it was giving me opportunity to slip into the place where pain would no longer exist. I knew what then would follow. It didn't bother me that I wasn't gonna watch myself die, as I figured the transition would be easier this way, since I wouldn't feel that last gasping breath. With my lashes already lowered, it didn't take long for the misty line that I was riding on to switch to total darkness, and when the tug on my rope was made, I slipped away.
My first sensation was warmth. Not the type of heat that woulda made me fear I hadn't properly spoke my peace with God, but it was as if there was a blanket hugging me, and I pressed into its comfort. Fluttering my eyes until I could create slits, the white background blurred in and out, its brightness enough that I knew it wasn't a cloud, but a true identity couldn't be given. I moved my head, searching for something with shape, but the moment my cheek felt something soft and feathery, I heard a gentle thud. At that second, the noise meant more than what I mighta seen, so I turned my head back to its waking position and there above me was something blue. Crystal clear, like the most brilliant pool. Hadn't I heard something like that outta a preacher's mouth at some point in the few times I'd wandered into a church service? It was something about the river of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God. That was it. I reckon I musta made it.
I gave a contented sigh and reached out my hand, wanting to dip my fingers in those beautiful drips of blue, but it suddenly pulled back, and all I saw was the white. "What's happening?"
"You're going to be all right," a voice said from out of nowhere and if I had skin to jump out of, I woulda. But I musta jerked to some extent, because I felt, something. It was… Dad-gum. It was pain.
I took a breath, the inhale bringing more than just a drift of air into my lungs, but a fragrance, and it wasn't anything sweet like honeysuckle that woulda been twining along heaven's walls, but it touched my nostrils with a bitter cringe. Squeezing my lashes tight, I slowly brought them open, and the white had a truer focus. I noticed that it wasn't just a sheet of pure white, but a shade a coupla steps closer to being dull, and it wasn't flat, either, but it boasted several ridges from front to back. It looked like I was covered by some sort of a canopy, nothing that I expected to find on a blissful shore. But I was no longer expecting that heaven's where I'd landed. After all, if I could hear, see and smell, didn't that mean I was still…
"I ain't dead." My words finished my thoughts aloud.
"No," the reply came with a familiar note, but I couldn't grasp it. "How do you feel?"
"I dunno," I answered, the truth hard to express. I was woozy, uncomfortable, confused, and a little scared. How could I put all of that into one word?
"Just take it easy," the voice said again, and this time the recognition stirred me harder. "Like I said before, you'll be all right."
"Who are you?" I managed to ask the question without it bursting off of my tongue.
"I'm the man that stumbled upon you up on the hill," he answered, and the wavering lines in front of my eyes faded to clarity. "I'm a doctor."
"What?" I asked, seemingly too befuddled to make sense of his simple explanation, but his words were fast catching up to my mind. And so was what I'd been looking at. I could finally tell that I was resting in the insides of a covered wagon, but what was the most striking to me, was that the blue I'd seen hovering over me was the man's eyes. They looked different among the rest of his facial features, but they still seemed to have come from something closer to a bubbling brook.
"I'm a doctor," he repeated, and with it he gave me a welcoming smile.
"Ain't doctor's supposed to be old?" I asked, my eyebrow rising as I heaped an extra helping of scrutiny on my plate. I'd already noted the clarity of his blue eyes, but the dark, brown hair, the cheeks where the only lines present were those that had been hardened by rough times and not age. He musta been close to my number.
"You think all doctor's go into medical school young and come back out with gray hair and wrinkles?"
"I reckon they don't, but I…"
"I assure you I'm well equipped at my job. I worked at a hospital in New York and now I'm heading west to start a practice in California."
"What's your name?"
"Kelly."
"Well, Doc Kelly, I doubt you drug me outta the wilderness to gab with me. Whatcha got planned?"
"When I first came upon you out there, you said you were dying. I thought I'd try to remedy that."
"It's too late," I said, shaking my head against the pillow.
"What makes you say that?" Kelly asked, and dad-gum, he sure has a low grate to his voice. He coulda easily been a rough-neck cowboy like me.
"It's my body, all right? I know. The symptoms are unbearable."
"I'd imagine they have been," Kelly said, and I reckon my face took on a stunned look when he lifted my wrist and then gave a slow nod of his head. "But they don't have to be."
He sure had a smug look on his face, and it bothered me that I couldn't quite peg him. But there was one thing I could figure out, this guy was not gonna leave me be. "All right, I'll let you try to save me. What're you gonna do?"
"I already did it," Kelly answered, and his grin flicked higher into his face.
"You what?" My head started to rise, but there was a hand that was quick to keep me lowered. Dad-gum. It's a good thing he wasn't toting iron or I woulda figured he coulda been up to my level of speed at the draw.
"I operated on you before the sun went down. Your gallbladder, or what's left of it, is sitting in a jar on that shelf over there."
"You cut one of my vitals outta me and I ain't dead?" I asked, my voice the closest it had ever been to being shrill.
"Yes, and no," he answered with a small smirk of his lips. "It's a relatively new finding for us doctors, but the body can survive without a gallbladder. Same with the spleen and appendix, but you're still sporting those. By the looks of the wound you were knifed…" he paused while I nodded, my stare remaining kinda blank. "The blade struck the gallbladder, not far enough that it was severed, and even though it tried to repair itself it couldn't, and not only was it making you bleed, the part could no longer work, resulting in a sudden, persistent attack of gallbladder disease. The only cure was to remove the gallbladder, which I did."
"So, you fixed me and I ain't gonna die? Doctor Sweeney said I was gonna."
"I can see that a doctor that hadn't been fresh out of a hospital in New York would tell his patient he was going to die. You would have if your condition was left alone much longer. You will die someday, of course. Old age sound like a good enough reason?"
"I'll take it," I nearly shouted, and at my exuberance, I had a coupla hands holding me down again.
"As long as you don't bust open your incision," Kelly said with a frown, pulling the blanket that was covering me back far enough so I could see the bandage. "I reopened the original wound, did a soft dance around your other organs and removed some damaged tissue along with the gallbladder. You'll be tender for several weeks, which means you need to do as little as possible."
"But I'm gonna recover?"
"You will," Kelly replied, reaching over to grab a canteen but before he put it to my lips, I jerked my head up.
"Wait a minute. What about eating? This ain't gonna hinder me biting into the thickest steak I can find, will it?"
"It'll take a few weeks for the body to adjust, but you shouldn't have a problem chewing that steak you're dreaming about."
"Dad-gum," I said with a smile, but the light on my face was like a candle about to be diminished with a puff of air. "Wait. Did you say I'm gonna be idled for several weeks?"
"A couple, no more than three. You can hitch a ride with me. I'm sure the Wagon Master won't mind."
"I can't!" My voice grew insistent and in one swoop of my hand the blanket was down past my toes and I was swinging one leg outta the bed I was in.
"Take it easy," Kelly said, only able to hold me down on account of my head feeling like I'd been spun around a coupla times when I raised it too fast. "What's wrong with you?"
"I'm dying, that's what," I replied with a snap that coulda bit the doctor's stethoscope in half.
"I thought we just settled that."
"We did," I said, closing my eyes to soothe the wooziness, but in the darkness that wavered behind my lashes, I could clearly see a particular face, and it was an image of torrential despair. Slim. "But my best friend doesn't know any different."