A/N: This one's a bit slower, but the next chapter is almost done and I have a rare day off work tomorrow (!) so I will do my best to get a new chapter up then :) Happy New Year!

Chapter 9: Fever of Disbelief

"Oh memories, they're following me like a shadow now."

2018

Erin stood in the doorway of the hospital room, watching Jay as he stared out the window. She observed him like a visitor in an art gallery – taking in every detail of him. In the six months he had been gone, his short brown hair had grown out into wavy wisps; she vaguely remembers him telling her once that the grown-out curls were exactly why he had such a short hair style. Jay's face was sunken in a little, like he hadn't been eating enough. The circles around his eyes were proof of the hours he had missed sleeping, paling in comparison to the bruises in various spots over his face and trailing his arms; Erin assumed if she pulled his hospital gown off, she would see them littering his whole body.

Jay turned his head and saw her, Erin's attention catching on the scar over his cheekbone – something sharp striking him with intent, and all she wanted in that moment was to hunt down every bastard that had put every little mark on the love of her life.

But when his eyes met hers and he gave her a tired smile, Erin felt her entire body go numb. It had felt like years since she had seen that smile. She spent many a day questioning if she would see it again. And now, he was here. With her.

Home.

"Hey, you."

The croak of his voice bust open the floodgates. Jay looked concerned as he watched his fiancée break down in the entryway, and he held out a hand towards her. Erin rushed to him, ignoring every rule in the book and climbing onto the bed and laying over Jay. She sobbed as he held her waist with one hand, his stronger side coming up to comb through her hair. He whispered soft reassurances of 'I love you' and 'I'm here, I missed you' against her cheek.

"I thought I wasn't going to see you again." Erin cried into his shoulder "Hank called and he said you'd been shot and I just …"

"I know. I'm sorry." Jay says calmly trying to settle her "I'm okay. Nothing a little rest won't fix."

It was then that Erin realised she was practically laying on top of him, all her weight resting against his tired body. She muttered an apology when she saw the dressing bandage over his left shoulder and tried to move, but Jay's hand stopped her from going far.

"Don't you dare." He growled softly pulling her head back to his chest "I've missed you so much. I don't want you going anywhere."

Erin smiled as her tears finally settled. She lay her head atop his heart, letting it's strong and steady beat reassure her that Jay was here. He was safe and he was home.

LINEBREAK

Jay walked nervously into the apartment, Erin's hands ghosting his hips as she walked behind him worriedly. When she tried to help him into the car he protested, but the look on her face had him acquiescing in an instant. So, he let her help him into the car, buckle his seatbelt, get out of the car, walk into the lift and now into their apartment. But his fiancée's overbearing protectiveness was not what had Jay feeling so on edge.

Erin had sat beside him the entire night, his hand firmly in hers while they caught up on everything that had happened over these last six months. She had taken out the stuffed bear that was tucked into her handbag and gently placed it on the bed beside his injured shoulder while she told him about the sweet little girl that had been living with them for the last two months.

"I can always stay at Will's." Jay calls out from the couch.

"Jay don't be silly. Ev's excited to meet you, I promise. She just gets a bit wigged out in new situations, but she warms up quickly – especially with you and your charming self." Erin says as she exits the kitchen, two cups of tea in hand.

Jay smiles as she hands him a cup, ignoring the way the drink tastes. Damn would he be happy when he could drink caffeine again.

'Stupid, post-surgery medication' he grumbled internally.

There was a soft knock, followed by Kim's voice addressing herself. Erin shot up and rushed to the door, Jay could hear the familiar voices and a single new one – soft, but sweet. he put the cup down on the coffee table and picked up the item he had brought for the little girl, placing it beside him.

Everly walked into the living room, her hand grasped tightly within Erin's as she trailed behind. Erin was amused by the behaviour – Ev had been such a feisty little thing that first day they met, but it had all been a front. She was protecting herself by putting up walls, and as soon as she realised that Erin wasn't going to leave her, those walls had crumbled down. She didn't need a suit of armour when she was around Erin; She knew her friend would always protect her.

"Jay, I'd like you to meet someone very special. This, is Everly." Erin bent down to the girl's high as she addressed her "Ev, this is my partner, Jay."

"Hi Everly, it's nice to meet you." Jay smiled softly.

"Hi," Everly replied, still feeling nervous. She looked at Jay's arm sitting in the sling and frowned "Are you feeling better? Erin said you were hurt."

"I did get hurt, but I'm feeling much better now." Jay reached for the bear beside it and held it out to Everly, watching the young girl's eyes light up "This little dude helped me a lot, thanks for letting me borrow him."

Everly smiled brightly then, taking her most prized possession back into her hold.

"You're welcome. I'm glad you're okay – Erin would've been sad if you didn't get to come home."

Jay saw the bittersweet smile on his partner's face, and he held her gaze as he answered Evie,
"Me too. I don't know what I would do without Erin."

"She's told me a lot of stories about you two." A cheeky grin paints the girl's face.

Jay raises an eyebrow at her "Oh really? Well, you'll just have to sit here and tell me everything. Erin has a tendency to exaggerate our stories – I guarantee she's made me look much worse than I am."

"So, you didn't get out of the 300 with it still in Drive when we were going for a bust?" Erin sassed back.

"Well…" The sharp laugh that escaped Erin made Jay jump, but he smiled fondly as he saw and Everly both laughing. He had missed hearing that sound – Erin's laugh was one of the best things he would ever hear.

He had missed being home.

2023 (one week after)

Disappointment was the first thing to hit Jay when he woke up.

He opened his eyes, anticipating his wife's sleepy face. It was something he had missed seeing – and preferred over the bedroom wall he usually woke up to – only to be met with an empty bed side and cold sheets under his hand. Sighing, Jay slowly got out of bed. The kids were likely already up, Jay was surprised he was still asleep; usually Andrew would be slapping his face awake by now.

"Daddy should be up by now. I can go wake him!" Jay chuckled softly as he heard his son.

"Drew, let Dad sleep." Evie scolded her little brother.

Erin chimed in "Evie's right; He'll be awake soon enough Drew."

Jay smiled as he entered the kitchen "Sooner than you think."

"Daddy!" Drew yelled exuberantly, bouncing in his seat "G'Morning!"

"Hi buddy," Jay tousled his hair and kissed his daughter on the head "Morning Ev."

"Hey." She muffled through her cereal "How was your night?"

Jay looked at her confused "It was good; just like I said it was last night."

"Okay…" Evie says, returning to her breakfast.

Jay stares at his wife momentarily, busy making coffee for the two of them. He feels unusually nervous; things between them felt good – last night felt hopeful. So why was he suddenly so unsure about whether or not he could make an effort to be affectionate? Well, he knew why; what if she felt uncomfortable, or thought that he was being weird – what if she rejected him? Yesterday's session ran through his head.

"I forgot what it felt like. To feel so deeply wanted."

Swallowing his nerves, Jay carefully stepped forward giving Erin time to realise he was there. He stood slightly behind her, reaching forward and taking one cup for himself. Erin's body tensed for a second when she realised how close he was, but when Jay leaned in and gently kissed her cheek – whispering 'thanks' against her skin – Erin felt shivers run down her spine. Her face felt warm and she gave him a soft smile in return, her face telling Jay without words just how much she appreciated the small moment. Knowing he was the cause of her smile, as opposed to her tears, felt better than he expected.

"Good morning." She turned to face him.

Jay smiled back "Mornin'." He leaned in slightly, lowering his voice so the kids wouldn't hear them "I, uh, I was looking forward to waking up to you today."

Erin's eyes widened with guilt "I'm sorry, I wanted to lay in bed a bit longer but I heard Andrew get up and I knew he'd wake you and Ev too if I didn't entertain him."

"It's okay." Jay shook his head "I'm not telling you to make you feel bad. We're supposed to be telling each other what we want, right? And I wanted to wake up to see you, but I understand why that didn't happen. I won't complain about an opportunity to sleep in."

Erin nodded in agreement. Sara had discussed with them last session about how to improve their communication, starting with the smaller conversations – letting your partner know what you were hoping for, what you might be feeling in a particular moment, and even what you expected to happen in a situation. It wasn't something to use as a way to make your partner feel guilty – although Sara had told them it was normal for one or both partners to feel that way at first instance, and that they needed to reassure one another – but just a way to let them know what you're feeling and what they want from one another in different moments.

"Well, I figured at least one of us should." Erin chuckled "But I was thinking … maybe we could do my list tonight?"

"We don't have to." Jay said, sensing her nerves "If you're not ready."

"I want to." Erin said, more confidently.

"Okay. Tonight, after dinner?" Jay smiles.

"Sounds good."

LINEBREAK

Jay sat at his desk, filling out the seemingly endless stack of paperwork before him. The team had just raided a warehouse linked to one of the biggest gangs in Chicago; with twenty people arrested and several kilos seized, it meant Jay had a lot of forms to fill out as well as signing off on all the reports his team had to write up. He sighed as he put his pen down and stretched the cramp out of his hand. This was the one part of the job he could definitely do without.

There was a knock at the door and Jay looked up, signalling Antonio to come in. The older man smiled holding up a small bottle in his hands and Jay practically groaned in gratitude. The team had long since gone home; Jay did his best to make sure they all got out of the office at a reasonable time in each night so they could be home with their families. Although that meant he was often in his office until late hours of the night, he never minded. It was part of being a good boss, he believed.

"How's it going?" Antonio asks, taking a seat at the desk while Jay pulls out the tumblers that Voight gave him.

"I swear, I don't know why the higher-ups have us fill out the paperwork online when the district has to keep physical copies regardless. At this rate, I'll have carpal tunnel by the time I hit 45." Jay sighs.

Antonio chuckles as he pours them each a glass "You know that's not what I was asking about."

Jay takes a sip of his drink and sighs "… We're taking it slow."

"What exactly does that mean?"

"It means- I don't know. It means that there's a lot of bad times we need to work through, but that today felt better. It's not something we can figure out in a day – But we will get there."

"Okay, that's all I wanted to hear." Antonio clinks his glass against Jay's "You know I worry about you two."

"Aw, thanks Dad."

"Shut up. Smartass." Antonio murmurs and Jay laughs "Seriously though, you know I'm here for whatever you two need, right? We all are – this whole team would do whatever it takes to make sure you and Erin were okay."

"I know, I appreciate it. I do. But for right now, I'd like to keep this between us – And Adam and Kim, I guess."

"Ruzek, keep a secret? We'll see how that one goes."

LINEBREAK

Jay opens the door to his home later that night to see Andrew running through the living room in just his underwear, his mother trailing behind.

"Andrew William Halstead, if you don't get your little butt over here and into these pyjamas in the next two minutes!" Her call stopped abruptly when she saw him "You missed dinner."

Jay smiled apologetically "Sorry, paperwork piled up. Big bust."

Erin nodded "Well, could you help me with him please? Because I'm going to lose my mind in a minute."

"Yeah, I got him." Jay chuckled "Drew!"

The little boy's giggling stopped instantly and his feet hit the hardwood floors at an accelerated rate before Jay saw him turning the corner and running straight at him.

"Daddy!"

Jay bent down in time to swoop his little boy into his arms and spin him around as he put him firmly on his hip.

"Daddy, can we play Legos?"

"Nice try bud, you're supposed to be sleeping."

"I'm not tired." Andrew crossed his arms defiantly "I'm a big boy now, Daddy. I don't have to sleep."

"Well, if you don't sleep you'll be pretty tired in the morning, and then you won't be able to come with me to work …"

"No, no. I'm very tired! Mama, it's bedtime."

Erin shook her head and took Andrew in her arms, trying to school her features "Yeah, I figured as much."

She began walking up the stairs but stopped and turned to face Jay "I'll be back down in five. There's a plate for you in the microwave."

"Thank you." Jay smiled.

Erin walked up the stairs and Jay went to warm his dinner. She truly amazed him most days – Jay was unsure just how Erin managed to do it all. As he reflected on their last session, Jay began to question when he had last told her just how appreciative he was of everything Erin did for their family. He couldn't remember - maybe that was part of their problem.

The microwave beeping pulled him from his thoughts and Jay quickly took the plate out and set it on the counter, grabbing a fork and a glass of water choosing to stand at the island bench and quickly eat so he and Erin could sit comfortably on the couch to have their talk.

As he ate, he flicked through the mail on the counter. Mostly bills, calendars from different charities and junk mail. But one letter caught his eye, a hand-written address that he knew all too well. He flipped the letter over, seeing his wife's name on the front and the return address on the back.

"Crap." Jay muttered as he looked at the sender's name.

This was the last thing they needed right now.

A/N: A slightly shorter one today – I've been promising poor Kenzie that I would upload this for like a week-and-a-half and every time I go to do so, I end up falling asleep or getting distracted by someone else in my family needing something. So I figured I should just post this as is before I end up re-writing it and delaying myself another week lol

So, who do you think sent the letter?