Tony woke up in his workshop and had no idea what time it was. He was exhausted and hungry. He stretched for a minute and looked at the clock and he panicked. Did he really sleep for nearly twelve hours? He pulled himself together and emerged into the living room. Morgan was first to spot him and she ran to him and hugged him.
"Daddy" she said as she wrapped her arms around him.
"Hey sweetie. Did you go to school today?" he asked.
"Yeah we all did. It was weird Mommy knew how to get there,"
Pepper came into the living room and the state Tony was in made her anger slowly melt. Plus he looked adorable with his hair all messed up and sticking out in different directions.
"It was weird but I felt a sense of direction and I somehow knew the way," Pepper explained.
"Well that's good. Your memory is coming back even though you don't realize it," he said.
Pepper gave him a small smile. They still needed to talk.
Tony staggered into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. He was starving.
"I made some cauliflower Mac and cheese and grilled chicken if you're hungry," Pepper said.
"Thank you," he said, avoiding her eyes.
He knew she was pissed at him.
Tony ate his food ravenously and thought of how he was going to get on Pepper's good side and more importantly how he was going to get B.A.R.F. to work on the thalamus instead of the hippocampus. He tried so hard to find the right combination but kept coming up short. He needed to save Pepper; it was the only way she would love him again.
"You wanna tell me about your disappearing act yesterday? I could have used your help with the kids," she said firmly but softer than when she's usually mad.
"I do want to tell you. Pepper how long have you known me? Although I am a changed man in many ways when I get an idea and I'm working on something I get carried away. It was for you. To help you," he said.
"I'm waiting," she said.
"It's called B.A.R.F. Binary Augmented Retro-Framing,"
"And what exactly is it?" she asked.
"It works in the hippocampus by changing the way you perceive traumatic memories. I changed the programming to retract lost memories but I can't get it to work on the thalamus. I must have done over 100 calibrations of different combinations and I couldn't get it to work. But I'm going to keep trying as soon as I can," he explained.
Pepper felt something inside she couldn't explain. That was the most selfless thing she ever heard Tony Stark do.
"I know why you're doing this. You think you can fix me. Tony this is the most selfless thing I've ever seen you do but one of your machines isn't going to fix me. My memory is either going to come back or it's not and there isn't anything we can do about it. We're going to have to deal with whatever happens," Pepper said grabbing his hands in hers.
He welcomed that warmth from her and yearned to pull her close to him and hug her. He yearned to brush her hair off her face like he always did and kiss her forehead and her soft lips. God he missed the feel of her soft lips. What if I never get to feel them again? What if she can never love me again? I wonder if she's curious about kissing me? Or if she's even attracted to me like this? Tony thought.
"I don't want you to feel like you have to be here. If you think you'll be happier away from me you can always stay in the penthouse. All I want is for you to be comfortable and happy," Tony put out there even though he was terrified that she would want that.
He averted his eyes down and away from her.
"Tony LOOK at me. I'm sorry for what I said the other night. This is a very confusing time for me and my emotions are all over the place. Yes it's scary and at times very frustrating because I don't understand how I got here. Before the accident I was in my thirties and I looked the best I ever looked and my career and love life were thriving and I woke up in my fifties with three children married to my former playboy boss and I'm having a hard time processing it but I'm not unhappy here Tony. You guys are my family. The kids are great and I'm really starting to bond with them and being married to you isn't horrible. We've always been best friends. Honestly our relationship feels the same as before. I take care of you, I run the business, we argue a lot, we laugh a lot and we don't have a physical relationship. I didn't mean to hurt you. It's just what you said about the dildo reminded me of how smug you used to be and it set me off. I shouldn't have said those things," Pepper explained.
"I'm sorry your love life was thriving? I don't recall you seriously dating anyone in your thirties," Tony said.
It came out of his mouth like a knee jerk reaction.
"I never said dating and I'm surprised we didn't have this conversation before we got married,"
"Well you knew my history and I never wanted to hear about any other guy touching you besides me. But now that we're here who was it? Did I know him? How long were you guys sleeping together?" Tony asked.
"You did know him. And it went on for three years. Are you sure you really want to know?" she asked.
"THREE YEARS? Are you sure he wasn't in love with you? Now I really need to know. Who was it?" Tony asked knowing he was going to regret it.
"Yes three years. What did you expect Tony? Did you think I was the Virgin Mary? Working for you caused me extreme stress. My doctor told me a lot of the issues I was having was due to stress and he said find something that can help you manage it so I did,"
"No Pepper I didn't think you were the Virgin Mary. I always imagined you at home thinking about me while you masturbated. You didn't answer the question. Who was it?," Tony confessed in joking manner.
"Matt Gunderson and he was in love with me but I never felt an emotional connection to him and that's why I ended it,"
"MATT FUCKING GUNDERSON. Are you kidding me? You were sleeping with him for 3 years? I HATE that guy. He was a flashy asshole always showing off his cars and money," Tony said, seriously perturbed.
Pepper gave him a look.
"Seriously," she said.
"Hey I wasn't THAT flashy," he said.
"Don't get mad at me you asked," she said.
"Do you think he's still in love with you? Because I'll kick his ass. I don't care if you can't remember you're still my wife," he said getting defensive.
"Relax Tony I haven't talked to him in years," she said.
"Oh God this is horrible. I just keep imagining his creepy hands on you and I want to punch his lights out. And you continued for three years so obviously you liked it. Is this how you felt when I was with all those women?" he asked.
"It was a little different. I would get so upset that they didn't care about you at all as a person and all they wanted was bragging rights that they slept with you and your money. And it hurt me that that's all you thought you could offer a woman. I saw the sides of you others couldn't,"
"I'm thinking I'm going to need some kind of date night to get over this. Maybe a movie of your choice and some wine? FRIDAY can get us any movie," he proposed.
"That sounds really nice," Pepper said as she pulled Tony against her for a hug.
He felt so good and he was savoring the feeling of her being in his arms because normal embraces from Pepper were now unexpected privileges and he didn't know if they would happen again.
She pulled away and wrinkled her nose.
"But you might want to take a shower first because you stink," she said as she walked away.
Later that evening when the kids were asleep Tony came over to the couch with two glasses of wine and handed one to Pepper.
"What did you choose?" he asked.
"Bridesmaids. It sounds funny,"
"You hated this movie," Tony said.
"But it sounds funny," she said with a disappointed face.
"I don't care. I'll put it on. FRIDAY play Bridesmaids," he said.
Pepper nestled into the couch with a little space between her and Tony and ten minutes into the movie and she was miserable.
"This movie sucks," Pepper declared.
"We could always make out," Tony said finding the perfect opening.
Pepper turned to look at him.
"I don't expect anything. I was just wondering if you were curious about it or if you were even attracted to me,"
"Honestly I am,"
"You're curious or attracted to me?" Tony said.
"Both," Pepper admitted.
"Good. Now don't hit me I'm going to kiss you," Tony said as he leaned in and pressed his lips to Pepper's.
Pepper felt herself melting into the couch. Tony was such a fantastic kisser but she had to put the brakes on for a minute because something was in her brain that couldn't break through. She needed to think. She broke the kiss and pulled away from him.
"That bad?" Tony asked, slowly losing his confidence.
"No the kiss was fine, it's just that when you kissed me something in my brain was trying to break through. A memory I think," she said excitedly.
"So I should kiss you lots more then and see if it comes back," Tony said leaning in again before she could react.
He pressed his lips to hers gently again at first to let her adjust and she grabbed a hold of him this time and she kissed him a little deeper.
Tony was in heaven. He was savoring every moment of this much needed kiss. He never thought it could be this long since the last time they kissed.
Pepper felt Tony's goatee brush against her and she knew that was it. She knew that she had felt the feeling before. She was so happy she wanted to tell Tony right away but she enjoyed relishing in the familiarity too much. She kissed him some more and it was actually him who broke away this time for much needed air.
Tony just stared at her and smiled.
"I know what the memory is," Pepper said smiling at him.
"What is it?" he asked as he smiled at her.
"When we were kissing and I could feel your goatee against my cheek and it tickled me I remembered the feeling of that specific tickle," she said.
Tony was staring at her and he just smiled.
Pepper felt herself blushing.
"I know that look you want to say something. Spit it out," Pepper said giving him her stern look which he found adorable.
"Let me know when you want to find out where else my goatee tickles," he teased.
"TONY STARK that is filthy," she said as a smile was forming on her face.
"Oh gosh Pepper I was talking about your neck. Where did you think I meant?," he teased.
"We both know where you meant and that will
NOT be happening," she said.
"Not yet and when it does you won't want me to stop," he said with a wink.
Pepper made the smile she only makes for him and Tony felt his heart rate increase.
"What do you say we do this again tomorrow? Same time and place?"
Pepper smiled again.
"I don't know. I don't think my husband would like that," she teased.
This time it was Tony who smiled.
"We should probably go to bed. It's a school night," he said swallowing the remainder of his wine and getting up from the couch. Pepper followed him into the room and they got under the covers.
"Goodnight Tony. Thank you for tonight. It was really nice,"
"Goodnight Pepper. I love you," he said as he turned to sleep.
Pepper closed her eyes and thought about the other places Tony's goatee might tickle and she drifted off into a restful sleep.