Hi guys! Here I am back with another little one shot!
I always thank you for the kind words you have dedicated to me and, above all, for all the ideas you give me!
I don't need to tell you anymore I love knowing what you think!
See you soon, H.
...
Here we are:
42. "Why are you lying to me?", from Guest.
75. "Hey, are you still awake?", from Claire-Wayne.
"I really can't believe I'm spending these days with you!"
Kim, already slightly buzzed, hopped in the living room of the cabin they had rented for a few days. She was so incredibly focused on trying not to pour the wine into her glass that it almost seemed comical. Hailey smiled as the rest of the team finished decorating the fir tree Kevin had been forced to drag inside accompanied by a series of obscenities.
Kevin's constant little-hidden muttering was perhaps the funniest thing in the whole situation.
"Ruzek, get out of that damn bathroom! I still have to take a shower!", Vanessa's screams echoed along the short corridor that connected the two bedrooms and the bathroom with the living room and Hailey found herself giggling amused by the atmosphere that hovered in the house.
"Please, kill me."
The woman jumped slightly at Jay's low voice beside her. She hadn't realized he had slipped behind the couch and when she turned to look at him a laugh just slipped between her lips, she wasn't really ready for what had come before her eyes. Her ever so serious and controlled partner now wore a stupid and hideous Christmas sweater with a reindeer with a Santa hat embroidered across the chest.
"Not a word", he hissed, squeezing his eyes in two slits, "Vanessa is damn insistent."
"I need to take a picture of you", she laughed out loud.
Her laugh only managed to make her earn some obscenities just grumbled by the man standing in front of her. And, if until then she thought she had seen the funniest thing in the world, it was only when Vanessa's voice turned her around that she noticed that Kevin was also wearing a Christmas sweater.
"So? Just end my sorrows and kill me", Jay repeated it impatiently, one eyebrow raised and his hands spreading the collar of his sweater.
"Yeah, no. This is not happening. Actually, I'm sending a photo to Will."
Jay glared at her before slowly lowering himself into the vacant seat beside her, scratching his neck nervously.
If Hailey knew him well enough - and she did - she knew that something had happened on the ski slopes during the afternoon they'd spent. But Jay, being simply Jay, had feigned indifference the whole time, not letting out any groans of pain. But she knew him well, so damn well, that she was just waiting for his misstep.
Hailey had skied little, only until Kim got tired and she and Vanessa had decided to go back with her to the small cabin they had rented. A glass of wine and the fireplace and Hailey found herself admiring those little moments of peace.
The boys had returned hours later, sweaty and smelly and full of snow in their hair. And ever since Jay had set foot in the house, she had known that something was wrong with him. He moved slightly slower than usual, his posture - always composed - was now more rigid than normal. They weren't noticeable changes and probably would have been totally non-existent to anyone else, but she knew his movements so well that she noticed them immediately.
"Doesn't it seem impossible that Voight gave us three days off just for Christmas?"
Kevin's incredulous voice tore her out of her thoughts and Hailey heard Kim giggle. The man was still so skeptical of that decision that he repeated it at least three times.
"Well, the deal was clear, though. If anything happens in Chicago, the first to answer would be our detectives…", Vanessa screamed from the corridor, continuing to slam her fist against the bathroom door.
"And this is the real good fortune of still being an agent!"
Jay sighed dramatically and earned an exasperated chuckle from Kim.
"You are so dramatic, Halstead."
He shook his head giving her a dirty look and then settled more comfortably on the pillows.
Hailey glanced at his profile and had to stop herself from reaching out and brushing the freckles on his lips. What damned human being had freckles on the lips?
She didn't have time to close her eyes in an attempt to gain some sanity when her phone vibrated in her pocket. When she unlocked it, an involuntary smile slipped onto her face, soon replaced by another excessive snort that ended up attracting Jay's attention. She knew she also had Kim's eyes on her, even though she was sitting across the room. But the photo she had just sent her, which immortalized her and Jay chatting on the couch, was nice and Hailey knew it would end up in her favorites folder.
The evening passed merrily, Kim gleefully drunk was an always unmissable show and Kevin to make fun of her was even better. Hailey had her feet stretched out towards the lit fireplace with Vanessa's head on her legs. Her damp hair dangled in the void as Hailey slowly ran her fingers through her dark locks. She looked around wanting to remember those moments forever.
After the year they had passed, being there at that moment could have been considered a victory on so many fronts.
Kim's smile was still slightly tarnished by the memory of what her life might have been and Adam danced around her with so much embarrassment he almost looked like a shy high school kid.
She understood, it wasn't easy trying to keep up with Kim and what she was feeling. And she understood Kim too. No, she didn't understand her honestly, but she could try to imagine what it was like to lose a baby growing inside you by your own foolish. She didn't know, honestly, how Kim was still the soul available and ready to help others.
But after all, who better than Hailey could understand what it meant to feel broken and destroyed and still be able to help people?
And indeed there she is, still in Intelligence with Voight's consent. She had come back from New York so many months ago that it seemed like a lifetime. She had returned and understood the difference Voight had told her about. She understood why he had decided to send her there. She was back and knew she had been under the control of her Sergeant for months, ready to punish her if she made a mistake.
She came back and, she wasn't sure how, she found herself sitting in Dt. Charles's study. Or rather, she knew how it had happened, but she could not remember ever having given her consent.
She remembered an entire night's conversation. She remembered the windows open in the hope of some kind of fresh air on one of Chicago's hottest nights and her partner sitting on her sofa.
She didn't know exactly what, the next morning, had convinced her to call Dt. Charles, much less what had made her find the strength to show up for the appointment with him.
She only knew she remembered Jay's eyes that night and his voice telling her how he'd already lost someone because of the wrong path.
She remembered how he had never begged her to go to therapy, how he hadn't wanted to convince her. Simply, in the silence of the night and his face illuminated by the dim light of the lamp on the other side of the room, Jay had told her he would not accept that same end for her. He knew what Voight's attitude could lead to and he knew very well that the path she had taken was an easy one, once you are in it, it's just easier to slip into the current and not fight anymore.
But he wouldn't let her.
She remembered his words perfectly, and even better she remembered the little bit of panic that had sprung up in the center of her stomach.
He wouldn't have forced her to do anything, but if she had decided to continue as she had done before New York, he would not have been on her side. Did she want to be a mini Voight? He wouldn't have objected, but Hailey would no longer find in him a person to lean on.
For a second, a tiny second, all she wanted to do was laugh in his face. That she didn't need anyone, nobody could understand her, and she didn't want anyone to try. But then, in the dark, the faint tinge of green in his eyes glinted faintly and Hailey felt panic invade her body.
She thought she was fine alone, that she didn't need anyone. She thought so because, deep down, she had always known she had him on her side. But if she didn't have Jay, then…
It hadn't been easy, the therapy. Nothing about sitting in front of Dt. Charles and talking had been easy. But then, something moved inside her and, one step at a time, she always found it a little easier to talk, to open up. Admitting that she wanted to get out of that hole she had sunk into.
And now, on balance, she would never stop thanking her partner.
Hailey came back to the present when Vanessa yawned deeply against her legs, before rolling to the ground and reaching, in a very comical way, on the carpet.
"Well, it's time to call it a night", Adam's words seemed to awaken them all. They had fallen into a silence broken by a few yawns and the noise of the TV in the background.
Hailey stretched her legs folding the blankets now fallen to the ground while, between grumbling and general mumbles, everyone began to head towards the two bedrooms.
They had decided to divide into boys and girls among Vanessa's happy screams, enthusiastic about this sleepover for a few days.
The idea of sharing a bed with Kim exalted Hailey. Vanessa usually kicked in her sleep while Kim was a much more peaceful dorm, so they agreed to relegate Vanessa to the single bed in their room.
From what she understood, the same fate had also happened to Jay. But he, unlike Vanessa, had been happy with it. He had never particularly liked sharing a bed with someone and above all, knowing well how troubled his sleep could be, Hailey knew he preferred being alone.
Just as she was looking for Jay, she saw him sneak into the bathroom in silence. Hailey followed him and, before he could close the door, stepped into it and blocked it.
"Where does it hurt?"
"I don't know what you're talking about", his poker face was good, almost excellent. But she had learned to see beyond his bullshit, so she stared at him for a few seconds studying his face, before taking off her foot and walking away.
"I see you, Halstead!", she yelled, turning away from him and walking away.
She heard his laughter echoing along the corridor walls and found herself shaking her head in exasperation. Sometimes it felt like she was dealing with a child. A clever and silent child who always wanted to turn the facts in a more favorable way for himself.
Hailey was just lying in bed, Kim sunk under the heavy blanket beside her and one arm stretched out of bed, when Vanessa stared at her sitting cross-legged on her bed with a sly smile on her face.
Hailey moaned as she pulled the blanket over her eyes. Whatever Vanessa wanted to tell her, she wasn't really ready.
"So…do we want to talk about you and Halstead?"
Her words almost seemed to awaken Kim from the sleep she had sunk into. And in fact, in less than a second, the woman was sitting on the bed with the blanket draped against her chest.
"This is a something I love to talk about!"
Hailey snorted pulling the covers under her neck and turning her back on them.
"You two are so damn obvious…"
"I've never seen anyone as obvious as you two!"
"Kim, look at your own business, okay?"
This earned Hailey a punch in the shoulder and a snort from her friend. She knew she was safe tonight, but the next two days were going to be really hard to deal with with the two of them watching them like eagles with their prey.
She felt the two friends slip under the covers and as soon as the light went out, she breathed a sigh of relief.
...
Hailey rolled over in bed for what seemed to be the hundredth time.
In the dim light that came through the window, she could see Kim rolled up on her side and the blanket covering part of her face. The heavy breathing that came from Vanessa's bed gave her the impression that she too was sleeping soundly and the silence of the next room made her realize that the others were asleep too.
She was tired, her muscles were sore, and she just wanted to sleep but, as she always did when she was really too tired, she couldn't sleep.
She snorted for the umpteenth time and silently left the room.
If she really had to stay awake, she would have preferred not to disturb the two friends.
She rolled up in a blanket and sank into the living room sofa in front of the window. Outside it was snowing incessantly and it seemed as if there was a snowstorm from the force with which the wind whipped against the windows.
Hailey got lost in the magic of the flakes that swirled into nothingness.
Despite the darkness, she could see the frozen snow glow faintly on the great fir trees. She knew the next morning, the trees would be almost blinding white and she felt a slight feeling of impatience.
In the city she hated snow, it was uncomfortable and made all of Chicago impassable. Running through the streets with an icy mantle under her feet was one of the things she hated most in the world, it was all so slippery and icy that it made her lose her balance with every step. But now that she was there, in the mountains, away from the stress of work, she allowed herself to feel excited about the spectacle that would be presented to her the next day.
"Hey, are you still awake?"
Hailey jumped at the voice and quickly turned to the dark shadow that was approaching her.
"It was too good a sight to miss."
Jay shook his head with a slight smile on his face, before slowly sitting down on the sofa next to her. He draped the other blanket, the red one, around his shoulders and sighed with relief.
They were silent for what seemed to be forever, Hailey curled up on the couch with her legs folded under her body and Jay lying next to her. Her small figure gave him the opportunity to extend one leg along the sofa only by touching her.
"So…", she began turning to him.
"And I hoped for silence…"
"The night makes you so nice", she snorted waving a hand at him, "Where did you get hurt?"
"I don't really know what makes you think I'm hurt."
"I know you, Jay!", she laughed softly, as if she were talking about the obvious.
"I'm really fine."
"Why are you lying to me?"
Jay stared at her in silence. His eyes scanned her in the dark and Hailey knew he could only see part of her face, the one illuminated by the light from the street lamp outside the window.
"Don't make a big deal out of it. I think I pulled a muscle."
Hailey had to refrain from smiling contentedly. Hell, she knew him so well.
"Uh. I am undecided. Thigh or back?"
Jay's eyes widened slightly, a minimal, almost imperceptible movement. Reaction that immediately hid behind an amused expression.
"Hell, Detective. How you observe me…"
She reluctantly blushed under his gaze. It wasn't true that she always looked at him, she just knew him. It was for that... Or at least, that was what she told herself, the excuse she found for not admitting that she was looking for him in every room more than was normal for two colleagues and friends.
Jay focused his gaze out the window and Hailey stole those little moments of peace to notice how the feel of his leg stretched out beside her made her feel good.
"It's my back. I can't lie down."
What reached her ears was a faint mutter. If at first she thought she could smile because Jay finally confessed where he hurt, the crease of pain on his face made her hold back.
She had seen him move uncomfortably all evening while, like every time, he minimized the pain. But now that it was just the two of them, his face showed what it normally hid behind an expression of indifference.
Hailey smiled at him before getting up and disappearing into the darkness of the small kitchen. The only source of light was her phone's flashlight. She returned to him after a few minutes realizing how he had, in vain, tried to settle down more comfortable.
"Take this."
She handed him a tablet of Advil with a glass of water and waited with an amused snort for him to finish drinking. Then she slowly helped him sit up and was lifting his sweatshirt when he pinned her hands with wide eyes.
"I just want to see your back, Jay!"
"But…", she saw him quickly think about what to do and finally surrendered to her slowly lifting the sweatshirt.
A bruise colored part of his skin at the height of her hip and, without really stopping to think, Hailey let her cold fingers run against the skin. It was warm, Jay was always warm.
She stood there, her fingertips against him and her eyes fixed on the purple that stood out sharply against the white of his skin. It was only when she felt him hold his breath and stiffen slightly that she pulled her hand away as her heart pounded furiously in her ears.
She had known for a long time that being in such a situation with him wouldn't help her heart. She knew it, but despite this, she had to stop herself from reaching out her hand again against his skin.
It was just Jay and she just wanted to feel his warmth. Didn't that seem so bad to her, or maybe it was?
"Hailey…"
She woke up and jumped back seeing his head turn slightly towards her.
"Just…just take this", she handed him an ice pack before sitting down on the sofa putting some distance between them.
The positions were now reversed. He was the one closest to the window. But all Hailey could focus on was trying to calm her mad heartbeat.
Nothing in that situation could lead to anything good. Not the darkness, not the atmosphere created by the snow, not his eyes…
"Hailey."
Not his voice. God damn, Jay certainly wasn't helping her calm her heart.
It was only when she saw him turned towards her, a hand reaching out in her direction and his calm expression, that Hailey realized that what they had been dancing around for months, maybe years, was so huge that it couldn't be calmed.
They had never touched too much, a few fleeting and mostly unconscious touches. But they had been looking for an opportunity to touch each other more often for a few weeks.
Hailey couldn't tell how it started, she just knew she loved feeling his hand brush a lock of hair from her shoulder. And she no longer held back when, handing him a cup of coffee, she leaned against him.
It had been a slow and gradual change, but there had been.
And now, when Jay touched her shoulder with his fingertips, she willingly surrendered to his will and slid closer beside him. She slipped under the blanket that was still on his shoulders and spread another one over their legs.
And suddenly, she felt she was exactly where the world wanted her to be.
Jay settled himself slightly against her, sliding lower on the sofa. A groan of relief that made her smile. He had finally found a position that was not too painful and she sat deeper against his hip.
They didn't need to talk, they never needed it too much.
It was what it was meant to be.
She tried so hard not to fall asleep. She didn't want to be found there the next morning. She really tried, but the rhythmic movement of his chest and the snow falling outside the window did something to her self-control that she could hardly command.
And when her eyes heavy with sleep, she just gave up.
She only wanted to sleep a few hours, no more…