18

Light's second day at Whammy house was a little better. He managed to wake up on his own, so he was able to do as much as he can with his morning routine, he had no choice but to wear the same old outfit, but at least that's the only thing he couldn't change. He reminded himself to take his medicine too, so that hopefully his morning sickness can be fully avoided.

When he was ready, he opened his door to make way for the mess hall to his kitchen duties, only to find Near waiting for him at the door.

"Good morning", the young boy greeted him while looking at his feet.

"Good morning", Light cheerfully answered. He decided to not question whatever the boy was planning. At least someone was out there looking out for him.

They did their kitchen duties quietly, and Mello was still not talking to him, although he looked a a bit shameful. He also ignored it as he was determined to have a beautiful day today, if possible.

After accompanying the kids to school, they had the rest of the day to themselves. Light thought of wandering around a bit, to have a grasp at where he was, and finally settle in.

It was around that time that Mello, who uncharacteristically was not looking at him in the eye, approached him.

"I'm sorry for being too forceful at you yesterday." He apologized. "I get too insecure whenever someone new comes here. Can we start all over?"

Light was amused at how sincere he sounded.

"Apology accepted" Light smiled at him.

"We've had a talk yesterday about setting boundaries" Matt, who was standing just behind him, quipped. "Just let me know if he is going a bit too far."

"Sure"

Mello smiled back.

"Great! I'm glad we're still friends." He said. "Do you want to continue the tour of Whammy house or just hang out?"

"Actually, I was curious on whether you have a library or not"

The two younger boys looked at each other with hesitation.

"Why? Is there something wrong with what I said?"

"Oh, no! It's just that I didn't think you would want to spend your day all stuck inside the library, especially in good weather like this…" Mello started. "But if that's what you want…"

"I just want to check a few things…"

"Perhaps we should explain a bit, Mello" Matt interjected. "You see, during this time, the library is full of students like us…er…potential candidates to succeed L"

"It gets a bit crowded and nerve wracking" Mello added. "Especially since tomorrow is a testing day"

"What do you mean testing day?"

"Every week we spend a whole day taking diagnostic exams that test almost every subject matter, including logic and reasoning. Then your results will get ranked and will determine if you are still on the running for becoming L's successor" Mello explained. "If you slack off, you might lower in rank and be forced to return to being in the normal section…er…you get to study in the public schools again"

"Then shouldn't you be studying?"

Mello shrugged.

"Don't need to…I always get second anyway" there was a sort of defeated tone on his voice. "Near always gets the top score. Besides, those tests don't really determine if we succeed in the real world or not"

"I'd rather be gaming", added Matt.

"Anyway, if you really want to, you can still check it out. We have a secret place there where you can still see the chaos without being near everyone" Mello offered. "Follow me"

Light followed Mello and Matt to the other side of the building, to the topmost floor (he assumed considering how many flights of stairs they took) and into a little door that looked like an attic. They entered what looked like a very cozy place filled with all sorts of books as well, but neatly piled up in the corners. In the middle was a couple of lazy chairs.

"This is our extra secret hangout place" Mello informed him. "If you tell anyone I swear we won't be friends anymore"

"I won't tell…"

Light was amazed at how it seemed to have everything they needed. There were gaming equipment scattered on the floor, a small table, carefully hidden stashes of chocolate…but the most notable thing was a small glass panel in the middle of the room.

"This attic is directly below the library. We installed that glass panel to spy on people in the library. It is a one-way glass, so no one can see us" Mello explained. "But we can"

Light took a peak. Sure enough, there were a number of students frantically poring through books, spacing out, or having a meltdown. The two boys were not lying when they said it was chaos.

"Near never goes to the library too. He likes keeping to himself" Mello commented. "The good thing is, we took out the books we found interesting and kept it here"

So that explains the pile of books in the corner.

"We can hang out in this place for a bit if you want, but I need a nap so you just be quiet" Mello told him as he plopped in one of the lazy chairs. Matt was already apparently playing in the corner with headphones on. "You can even check L's old cases somewhere around here"

That piqued Light's interest as he browsed through the books that the two managed to collect. Sure enough, there were a lot of documents about L's former cases. He read through it quickly, curious to what L had been doing before he met him. A sudden pang in the chest hit him, as he read through L's notes.

Light suddenly thought, he really didn't knew much about L besides being in the Kira case. From what he read through the well kept articles that the two had gathered, he was impressive. His reasoning was beyond genius. Was he really underestimating him during that face off? A sense of inadequacy lingered in him as he kept reading through these old cases. L had solved this case at this age? He can't even remember what he was doing at that age. Maybe that is why a lot of kids here look up to him to an almost unhealthy point. Was this really the L that he knew? The same L that he argued with countless times, who complimented his reasoning skills?

Maybe leaving L was the right thing to do. The world deserved him more. How could he even think of killing him? That was really arrogant of him. To think that he was considering him as a rival, someone who can match his genius.

"Are you alright in there?" Mello asked him with a bit of concern.

Light only noticed that he was crying again. Mello saw what he was holding and got a little idea of what was going on.

"Oh, I should have warned you about those L cases. They really make you feel depressed after reading it." He looked apologetic. "I also felt really lacking the first time I came across those"

Mello checked what he was reading.

"That was on the peak of his career. I love re-reading those. It sealed L's position as the top detective in the world" Mello commented. "But hey, you can just use it as a sort of inspiration to improve yourself, right?"

"Maybe I actually miss him", Light quietly said. Mello didn't say anything.

"Hey, it's getting too depressing in here. Why don't we go somewhere else like we previously planned on?" Mello offered. "It's not too late to take advantage of this day. I mean, we can get ice cream"

Light nodded at the idea of ice cream.

"Hey, Matt! We're leaving!"

The other boy took off his headphones and tucked away his games, following the two of them outside.

…

Despite Light's efforts, it only took Mello's motorcycle driving skills to make him throw up again.

"Can I ride with Matt on the way home this time?" Light asked as he finished throwing up everything he ate for the whole day.

"Suit yourself. But he is worse at driving that I am" Mello dismissed.

"Where are we?" Light asked again as he gathered his senses.

"We are in the town square." Mello answered. "I mean, Whammy is really far off from the city this is the best we can get"

Mello looked like he knew this place like the back of his hand.

"On the bright side, there is a sweets store in here so I'm going to re-stock my chocolate stash"

Light watched him as he walked to the aforementioned store.

Matt on the other hand looked at the convenience store beside it.

Light suddenly remembered he didn't have money.

"What's wrong?" Mello asked him while browsing through the candy store.

"The thing is…I don't have money" Light admitted.

"Oh! Don't worry about it, here" Mello checked his wallet and gave him a card, while whispering in his ear. "We hacked the security systems of most of the stores here. We can basically get anything for free with that card"

Light suddenly found himself in a dilemma. On one hand, he knew stealing was wrong. But on the other hand, he really wanted to get out of these horrible clothes, and he just saw a clothes shop nearby. With hesitation, he took the card from Mello.

"You're part of our team now" Mello smiled as he looked at Light's troubled face.

At the end of the day, Light didn't really feel too guilty at technically stealing from a store. He managed to get decent clothes that may last him a week, and the rush from buying all of that was enough to make him forget his worries. As promised, Mello gave him ice cream when he finished shopping. Matt went a few meters away to smoke. Instinctively, Light backed away a little.

"Oh, so you don't like smoking?" Mello observed.

"I don't have a problem with it…" Light had seen his Dad's colleagues smoke before. "I just have to stay away from it for now"

Mello gave an understanding look and shouted at Matt to go further away. He obliged.

"Isn't Matt a bit young to smoke?"

"Well, we have different ways to cope with stress" Mello shrugged it off. "As long as it doesn't affect others, then it is not worth arguing about"

Light was impressed at how mature their thought processes were.

"I hope we made it up to you for today" Mello said. "We're sorry for being a bit intrusive."

"No problem" Light replied. "I already forgot about that"

They both smiled as they enjoyed the rest of their day.

…

Light was sitting alone in the back of the room the next day, interested in what was about to happen. Truthfully, he didn't really thought that the testing day mentioned by Mello nonchalantly yesterday was a big thing for everyone in the institution. It was evident in the morning.

Just for that occasion, there were a lot of grownups who worked in the kitchen that day, and there was nothing for him to do. It was quite understandable when you think about it, as half of the students were looking very out of it today, like they were dreading what was about to happen. Some of them had even lost it. Light saw one kid, who he shared kitchen duties yesterday banging his head on the wall. Another was just talking to apparently no one, but it looked like an engaging conversation. Around three students clearly were experiencing a meltdown, at least that was what he assumed.

Even Mello, who previously said he didn't care, seemed affected today. He was more irritable than ever, so most of the kids chose to ignore him and just let him be, Light included. What is more interesting though, is that amidst all the chaos, the people who are going on their day as normal was were the students under the normal classes. They seemed to be immune to the stress and even talking about it like some kind of local sport or something.

Light listened in to a group of kids who were talking louder than usual.

"So who do you think is gonna win this time?"

"That's no contest! We all know Near hasn't been defeated…and Mello will come close second" said one of the students.

"You know what's more interesting to bet on?" another quipped. "How many today are gonna lose it?"

"Yeah! That's more fun to watch? How many are you thinking, like five?"

"Maybe ten is more like it! See, there's already a few who started having meltdowns there…"

"Hahaha….you're right. Let's have a bet then…"

As cruel as that might sound, maybe this is the only time Light has ever heard these kids speak their mind so freely like that. Usually they just keep to themselves and let the 'genuises' have free reign and boss them around, and Light didn't want to be the guy to tell them to shut up and be a bit more empathetic. Instead, he just let them have a laugh today, and just watch as the whole day unfolded.

This was the same reason why he chose to sit in the back. He can see everything from here. Ironically, the 'spectating room' was dimly lit to not distract the test takers in the front, and Light found it fitting as he watched the dark side of Whammy house unfold. To be fair even a normal orphanage was bound to have dark secrets, and something like Whammy house who has the goal of getting the best children suitable for the title L would have dark secrets of its own.

However, seeing it personally was just sickening. The kids in front looked like they are going to break anytime, while the normal kids on the back just watch it like it's a normal thing to happen. He saw the group of kids who earlier took on bets, and were eagerly awaiting the results of the test. They were actively counting how many kids got meltdowns, broke down, and just cried. Instead of concern, they felt vindication, excitement, it was sickening. Light felt really sick. He was not able to watch the whole thing and just left for his room and throw up in there.

As he lay on his bed, for the first time since he heard the news, he suddenly thought, that if he really had a kid inside him, would he really wilfully allow this child to grow up in an environment like this? Why was he even thinking about it, the answer would definitely be no!

A new wave of guilt spread inside him as he started processing what kind of situation he was in. He had only been thinking about himself all this time, how he was so alone, how sad he felt. He had always denied the fact that he was pregnant, because how can you even believe it when all your life you knew that men cannot get pregnant like that? He always thought this nightmare would eventually end, and he would have a normal life again.

But then, if this whole thing wasn't true why was he experiencing these symptoms, and why was he suddenly being careful? Giving up on being Kira the moment he heard the news. If it really meant nothing to him he could have taken on Ryuuk's offer and got rid of it, so that he can move on and be Kira again. It all seemed like a distant past now, and none of it mattered anymore.

If somehow this child were to be born, he knew one thing for sure. He wouldn't allow it to stay in this place for even a day. But here he was, brought on by his rash decisions. He knew he couldn't escape, not with Watari's influence. He could only cry as he started regretting everything.

If only L was here.