Previously:

"Is that really how you feel about me?" His hands reached out, silently asking for permission. I nodded, taken aback by the instant change in emotion. He cradled my face for a moment, then placed a kiss on my temple.

I looked up at him, but he wouldn't look at me.

"I'm sorry," he said.

And then I didn't see him for the next week.

Jasper

"Just come with me," I demanded angrily.

After pointlessly arguing with me for the past 10 minutes, Peter looked up from his desk and shuffled around some papers. When I was out the door, he was hot on my heel.

My buddy gave me distance and quiet until we reached the Northern Texas border.

"Where are we going?"

"North."

"To…?"

"To waste our time."

The only sound was the dirt crunching beneath us. "Jasper."

"What?" I growled.

"You're projecting."

I reeled it all in, but it was no good. My fist went through the first unfortunate tree I saw. The wood cracked around my hand. "Why doesn't she spend time with Char?"

"Is that the problem?"

"We told her clearly that she would help her through this. Now she's going around with this Claudia girl."

"She doesn't trust us."

We resumed our walk, but Peter wouldn't let up. "Where North?"

"Michigan."

"Recruits?"

"Her parents."

Peter's eyebrows shot up. "Weren't they dead?"

"We're going to find out."

He stepped in front of me, and my reflexes hit the breaks. I hated it when he did that.

"You need to be very careful about what you're thinking, Whitlock."

I sighed, frustrated. "What am I thinking, Peter?"

"You're not using the girl's parents as leverage."

"And have her despise me more than she already does?"

He shook his head, incredulous. "What happened, man?"

I gestured at something I couldn't express. "You were right. She hates me. And I expected that. Hell, she probably hated me as a human until her last few weeks. And then she hated me again when I killed her."

"She—"

"And look, I know this mating bullshit doesn't have to be romantic. But we can't even be civil, Peter. Civil."

"You need to earn her trust."

"She shouldn't trust me."

"Jasper," he insisted. "You need to earn her trust. You think Charlotte doesn't trust me? My own mate?" My silence irritated him further. "I get how you think. If she trusts you, she can trust anyone. It's better if she lives in paranoia. But if that's the road you want to go down, this will be a very painful journey."

"It's for her own good."

"No. It's for your own good. You don't want any part of this. Pushing her away is the best you can do to cater to your cynicism."

"Stop talking."

He didn't. "I'm sick of seeing you like this. Claim your mate or forfeit the right to bitch about it."

"If the alliance knew—"

"I'm not saying you need to scream it from mountaintops. Accept the damn thing. Communicate with your mate."

His words were like an omen. My chest tightened with every step away from Texas. I absently rubbed at the soreness. "She feels this too."

"Probably."

"Then how can she feel such negativity?"

The question was odd even to me. I was the empath. I was the one that sorted through emotions and cracked open personalities. Elise and I were a complicated mess. But if we removed the bond, we would have no reason to even look at each other. And knowing that absolutely sucked.

"Morally, it's a complex arrangement," Peter reasoned.
"It feels synthetic," I said. "This pre-defined notion that Elise and I need to follow this specific path."

"There is no path. Char and I are married, Jasper. We've developed that relationship over time and we decided that our connection was best this way. You can live your life with your mate and define specific boundaries. You don't have to be hopelessly in love for this to work."

"But it doesn't work."

He rolled his eyes. "If you strip away both of your jabbering, you'll see that you've grown closer during her time in Texas. The progress you've made when she was human does not exist for her. Have you considered that?"

"Yes. Have you considered the power Maria would have if she knew Elise and I were connected in such a way? I joined the alliance under one condition, Peter. I won't fight. I consult. My face needs to be kept away from any clashes with the Volturi. But Maria never liked that. She wants me on the battlefield with the rest of the recruits."

"You don't want to openly declare your affiliation," he stated.

"No. And neither should you. The alliance is strong, but you can't turn your back on the Volturi that easily."

"Well, Major. Take her and run."

"Funny."

"I'm serious. You'll be hunted by both sides, but at least you'll be happy."

"You're wrong. I can't ensure her safety. It's not worth it."

Peter held back his response. He only looked at me.

"What?" I pushed. "You agree?"

"No. It's just intriguing. Jasper Whitlock's finally putting someone else above himself."

Elise

It had been two days since Jasper left me in the outer perimeter of the base. Which meant it had been two days since I'd last had a proper meal.

So when I saw Peter arrive back at camp, I couldn't help but reach out.

I watched him as he greeted some of his associates. Charlotte displayed her affection publicly, giving her husband a light peck on his lips. When he headed towards his room, I intercepted.

"I need some…assistance."

Peter easily understood my predicament, and we were soon on our way to the big city.

"What do people say when I leave camp?" I asked him once we were deep into the trail Jasper and I usually took.

"Should they be saying anything? Anyone can leave camp."

Not everybody was sentenced to the alliance. To my knowledge, I was the only one. "Isn't it suspicious that I leave camp to train my shield again even though I have scheduled training in the morning?"

"You train twice a day. Big deal. People will say what they say. Speculations are tolerable. Admittance is the killer."

Interesting. "So why is it so bad that you let me hunt? The Cullens get special treatment, too."

"The Cullens are known for their diet. It's part of their reputation."

"What about me?"

He sighed. "There is absolutely no reason why Jasper should be accompanying you out of camp. But training is an accepted excuse for most things we do around here."

The man didn't trust me to go on my own. Jasper was a control freak at minimum.

"He can't be known to give special treatment," I begrudgingly acknowledged. "Where is he?"

"He won't be back for a few days. He sent me to make sure you ate." Had he gone to Michigan like he said he would?

"I don't need you to hunt," I sang.

"And I don't have any say on the matter."

Even though they had been away, I knew that Charlotte would rat me out the instant I crossed the flimsy metal fence. So, I remained obedient and waited for someone to feed me. It was ridiculous.

I disposed the body of the criminal of the night. Peter leaned against the wall by the dumpster.

"He cares about you, Elise."

I wiped my lips, staining my sleeve. "I know."

"He does all of this for you. I do, as well."

I scoffed. "Chaperoning me for dinner?"

"Keeping you safe."

Was that how they reasoned through their behavior? "I get that he's obsessed with me. But what's your reason?"

He sighed. "Jasper's my friend. A good one. Don't pretend you're entirely empty towards him, either."

I wanted to punch this man. His assumptions were insulting. "Never tell me what to feel. I'll tell you what I feel: Jasper can disappear for eternity and I wouldn't go looking for him. He needs to sort out some very serious issues, and he can leave me the hell alone."

I ate my words slowly, but carefully over the next few days. I hadn't seen Jasper in almost a week, and my chest stung. My anxiety skyrocketed, and I felt myself fixating on the look on his face right before he left. The sorrow and hopelessness I envisioned filled me with dread.

Emmett plopped down next to me as I watched my two trainers disappear back into camp.

"How was training?" He chimed.

"Good."

He waited a good two minutes to make sure we were completely alone before speaking. "I heard you lowered your shield."

I had, and Jasper's reaction was permanently burned into my mind. "Yeah. Jasper didn't take it very kindly."

"Why?"

"I don't think he liked my feelings."

"Which are…"

I hugged my knees closer to my chest and frowned at him. "Not great. Maybe I led him on."

"Is that so?"

I picked at some grass. "We kissed."

"Cute."

That's all he would give me? "Say more. Please."

"Alright. What's bothering you?"

I was killing handfuls of grass by the second. "The look he gave me before he left. I don't know why it scares me."

"Sounds like you hurt him. What a little heartbreaker."

I smacked him lightly on his arm. "Out of everyone, I feel a very strong kinship towards you, Emmett. Maybe because you're not as judgmental as the rest."

"Oh, I judge. Everyone does. Maybe I built a good foundation when you were human."

"Does that imply that Jasper didn't?"

He started pulling on the grass with me. "Man, who is this Jasper guy? You sure talk about him a lot."

I did. It was embarrassing and highly hypocritical. His absence was bringing out an obsession within me.

"My chest hurts. I am a vampire with panic disorder."

His eyes softened. "Sure, kid. It happens to the best of us."

"You must miss your husband," I remarked as Esme and I took a nightly stroll, following the metal fence around the perimeter of camp.

I knew she wanted to go on a hunt, but she was also highly aware of my obligations at camp.

"I do," she replied with a kind smile. "He's doing some great things. The Volturi was his past."

"And now he's destroying their future."

She looked up to the darkening sky in consideration. "The world keeps turning, the centuries keep passing. The universe keeps evolving, and expanding. But the Volturi remain the same. That is the reason we need change."

I thought back to another form of change. Her change. And my curiosity grew as I searched for common ground between us.

"Do you resent Carlisle for what he did?"

She didn't seem to understand my question. "I'm sorry?"

"He killed you. He took your right to die a human death. He took away everything."

I could see that she hadn't been prepared for this question. "I was already dying," she spoke slowly. "I don't resent him for saving me."

I nodded, processing. She examined me, then put forth her observation. "But you have such feelings regarding Jasper."

"Carlisle saved you. Jasper couldn't save me from himself."

"He didn't lose control. He made a decision to change you earlier than you had agreed. He acted without your consent."

What was her point here? "So, if you were in my position, you wouldn't resent him for all of that?"

She dodged the question. "I believe he changed you for a reason. Have you ever asked him why?"

"No." A deep frown graced my lips, and it grew deeper the more I realized how much I brought him back into conversation. "I'm sorry—he's gone. And I feel like he left because of me. And I just keep talking about him. I'm sorry."

I felt her hand on my arm. "No, sweetie. Don't be sorry. You're looking for ways to justify your feelings towards him, but you're also a good person."

I glanced at her touch, then dipped back into memory lane.

There is no good and bad, Elise. The justice system will condemn you for your actions, but none of that defines your character. When you let yourself emotionally attach to someone based on these binary definitions, it means nothing. You need to get ahead of the defaults that your brain will try to push you towards. If you don't, you will be stuck trying to make logical decisions based entirely on your emotions.

These were Jasper's words. But what was the context? Our relationship? From his perspective, it sure seemed like logical reasoning outweighed any emotion. Yet, good and bad didn't exist. He lived in the gray, which let him reason through his behavior.

Emotional attachment was something he condemned, which meant he pushed me away even as a human. And it was probably the same with the Cullens.

I thought about the last journal entry I read.

He doesn't like it here. He stays for security. His feelings don't matter to him—his livelihood does.

"I have some feelings that make no sense to me. But what does make sense are the facts, and the facts make me angry. Logically, Jasper is a monster. And given all that you've found out about your son, you seem to have no problem with it. Why?"

She took a moment to compose herself. "I can't change the past. Morally, I agree with you; what Jasper has done with women, the lifestyle he continued to pursue, and his lack of remorse definitely hits a nerve. As someone who has seen him as a son, it's a type of betrayal that sticks with you. But also as someone who sees him as a son, I know how children behave, and I can't take that to heart."

"He's a grown man, Esme. Don't give me that."

She looked at me with great fondness. "Jasper doesn't talk a lot about himself. He observes outward and comments on his interpretations of whatever surrounds him. He is an expert with others' feelings, but he struggles with his own. There's a superiority complex that he has a tough time beating. Trust me, I know how much he looks down on our diet, but he puts up with it. He put up with it for decades. And he did what every teenager would do given an unfavorable situation—he rebelled."

I couldn't bring myself to see Jasper as a rebellious teenager. "Are you sure that your psychoanalysis is correct?"

She laughed. "I'm simply commenting on what I've seen in him."

"It's interesting to me how you viewed him as part of your family."

"Why is that interesting?"

It was contradictory in so many ways. "I've been reading a journal that I allegedly kept during my time as a human with your family."

"I'm familiar with the journal. I've seen you write in it many times."

"I don't think Jasper sees you as a family. According to what I wrote, he has this whole notion that it's a game of numbers. That a coven only serves as protection."

She nodded. "I won't deny that Jasper added that benefit to our family, as well. He's powerful, and he holds up a reputation that he has built during his time in the South. But you know what? He came to us with Alice—lost and searching for something bigger than war and death. I'd like to think we provided something for him that he needed: a safe haven that he could come back to, no matter the consequences."

I bit my lip. "It sounds like there should have been consequences for his actions."

Esme only shrugged. "I can anticipate his response to that: he's just practicing his vampirism."
I chuckled lowly. "Yeah, I can see that. Our morals clash, but I think I'm beginning to understand the way he sees things. That doesn't mean I can forgive him, though."
Mama Cullen smiled. "I don't think he wants your forgiveness. Perhaps this is harsh to say, but I don't think he's sorry for what he did to you. However, I think giving him your understanding will move mountains."

I took a deep breath and inhaled the sweet aroma of nature around me. "Understanding your killer. It's a tough job."

"There you are," Rosalie announced, appearing between two trees. She addressed Esme. "Carlisle's back tomorrow. Just heard from Zack." She kept pace with us. "Emmett's told me you're moping because your puppet master's on vacation."

"Rosalie," Esme warned. "Be nice."

"I am. In fact, I'll be even nicer. Elise, I think you need to hop this fence right now."

I glanced at Esme. "Excuse me?"

"I don't like the way you're treated here. You can't even leave camp? That's messed up."

Thank you. "I don't disagree."

"Yeah. So what's the worst that could happen? He can't hurt you. He already killed you."

There was absolutely no guarantee that Jasper wouldn't hurt me. "He's been gone for almost a week."

"Sounds like the perfect time."

Rosalie's fire was enticing, I would give her that. But I wasn't stupid. Running would be a mistake. The consequences outweighed the brief sliver of freedom.

"It's more worth it to me to stick it out for next five months. He'll let me go then."

"Why wait that long?"

Punishment. "If I leave before, he'll extend my sentence."

"What a dick."

"Tell me about it," I muttered. "I appreciate your concern, Rosalie."

"Oh, honey. It's just sad."

Rosalie was Emmett's close companion, and I would have thought our relationship would be closer. But my journal reflected the opposite.

"Rosalie, you didn't like me much as a human."

"No," she said easily. "You were a threat to our family. You still are."

I paused. "I've made some mistakes."

Esme put a hand on both of our shoulders. "We cannot change the past, girls. If we're going to get out of this, we need to move forward."

A feeling bubbled up within me. Sincerity. "I'm sorry, Rosalie."

She gave me a little nod. "Me too. You have enough crap to deal with."

Esme pulled her daughter away to go on a hunt, and I dragged my feet all the way to my room.

I pulled out the journal from the locked desk drawer and continued from where I left off. Slowly, and steadily, I let the information sink into the lost boxes in my brain.

Flipping the very last page, I followed my written sentences until they were left mid-thought. Confused, I flipped back to the previous page.

My head snapped up in realization.

He hadn't even tried to hide it.

I was missing pages.

A/N: There's communication happening with external parties. Where did Jasper go?

Question for you: What do you think of Jasper and Elise's relationship now compared to when Elise was human?