Was it just to be expected, Cinder thought, that even after freeing herself of her stepmother and of Salem, her life was going to continue to be one of being constantly hurt, degraded and humiliated?
In aftermath of relief and terror, familiar, murderous rage roared to life in her soul. Of the kind that had consumed her for the past three years now - of course it wouldn't go away so easily, would it?
But this rage was not for Ruby Rose, but for Yang Xiao Long; it really was remarkable, the resemblance between mother and daughter.
Cinder walked the streets of Mantle back home with a burning in her throat. With her hands made into fists at her sides, quivering.
Why had she had to suffer something like that again? Even after freedom, even after power that should have ensured she would never have to again? Truly, this time, now out of Salem's grasp!
Why had she had to suffer that way, even after, further, lowering herself to the lowest point she could for the sake of her baby sister? And still that hadn't been seen as far enough by this world?! By that girl? Those people? Cinder had had to plant her face in the dirt for them to be satisfied? She'd hated herself for being so pathetic, for reducing herself to begging those people - begging Ruby Rose - even as she knew it had been the only viable course of action to get Maggy back without harm or incident. She'd done it, hadn't been pleased about it, but she had! And it hadn't been enough for them! She'd apologized, groveled, she'd done everything she could...and they'd wanted more out of her still! She could have used her powers, she could have killed them all, slaughtered them, destroyed them like she had so many swathes of others over the last three years! But she hadn't! She hadn't even attacked any of them! In fact she had put herself at their feet willingly, and they'd done that to her anyways!
But, Cinder soothed herself, the same reason she hadn't tried to just kill them all was the same reason she couldn't do so now - later. It would have been a signal flare to Salem, it would have caused Mantle and Atlas military forces to know exactly who and where she was, and it would have caused her to have to give up everything and flee. Force Flora and Maggy to give up this safety, this peace, this life!
And that, Cinder couldn't have ever done. She wouldn't do it.
Even if it meant passing up on killing Ruby Rose, even if it meant allowing those hated enemies as a whole to exist in the same space as her now. Even if it meant letting the daughter of Raven Branwen live after lording power over her, abusing her like that - acting exactly like her stepmother had to her before.
Above all, above even herself, above even her own dignity and feelings...her promise for Maggy, and her feelings for Flora, mattered more.
It was as much practical as anything, she told herself. They had struck a truce of sorts, to be seen if it would be upheld at all by the other side. But if it could be...
That would be even more people around to shield Flora and Maggy - if the bastards didn't try to steal her away again, that was!
Did Cinder's begging, did her promise, did putting her sister's entire being above dignity and vengeance mean nothing to those people? They'd tried to take her, so brazen, out in the open, and they...
True, Ruby Rose had given her back, had relented, by some miracle of the world - but what if she hadn't?
What if they tried again?
And Cinder hated, possibly more than anything else, that she now had a new promise to keep: a promise to fight alongside them against Salem, against the grimm, against the others who would come here to take the Relic, to cripple this entire kingdom! And to even, possibly, take the Winter Maiden's powers (Salem would either find a new female servant to obtain it, or use Emerald). Not that Cinder gave a shit about the Relic, or the Maiden, even - her mindless, heady pursuit of power the past three years was something that made her feel awful inside, thinking back on it now - she wanted to be as far apart from all of that as possible. But the kingdom...she'd fight to protect it because she was living in it. Because Maggy was here, because Flora was here. She'd even fight alongside those self righteous huntresses and huntsmen if she had to.
But she would spend every single second of it hating it - hating them. All of them!
"Cinder - we're home."
Cinder startled out of her raging storm of a mind and soul, finding herself inside their hotel room.
Flora was gazing at her with narrowed eyes, with a set face.
It was jarring, and Cinder tried for several moments to even think of what could possibly have caused the woman to look at her like some dirty insect scraped off her boot...
And then it crashed right into her: Flora had heard every single word she'd said in that park - and every single word those huntresses had said too.
Flora's gaze turned to Neo and Miltia. "I want to discuss some things with Cinder; take Maggy and get out."
Neo and Miltia obeyed swiftly, sending Cinder looks of pity.
The door snapped shut.
Cinder slowly lowered herself onto the bed.
"I want the truth. About everything. Now."
Cinder sat on the bed, head bowed, hands together in her lap. She payed no heed to Zeke perched in the open window sill, bathed in sunlight, who had just come fluttering in out of nowhere; as relieved as she was to see him alive again - overjoyed - those feelings were so far down in her soul right now as to be nonexistent.
Flora stood over her, fists clenched at her sides. Her eyes hard and narrowed.
Cinder couldn't delay, couldn't deny, not now, not with her. It was like being in front of her mothers again - there was just pure shame, and self-loathing filling her soul up to overflow. A great, acute awareness. Of herself, of the world around her. So she took a breath, and she told Flora the truth - her life the past three years, from nineteen to twenty-two. Every last detail. Up to the day they'd met, at base of a mountain on a rainy evening in Mistral.
"I took you in..." Flora began, in a hushed tone. "not hours after you had just murdered a teenage girl..."
Cinder just nodded. "Yes."
Flora looked at her for a long moment. Something in her eyes changed. "When I first came across you, and you looked up at me with those- Maiden magic powers of yours turned on...you were going to kill me, too. Weren't you? Right there, right on the spot, just because I was there and I was a witness, and you...you would have just done it and walked away."
Again, there was to be no hiding, no denying, no deluding. Just... "Yes."
"Why didn't you?"
"Because when I looked at you, I didn't see you - I saw me. I don't know why, but I did, and after that..."
"It was more convenient to take advantage of me than it was to kill me anymore." Pure accusation. Spitting and burning through Cinder like acid.
"Yes...I- guess that's what I did..."
"And you did that so well. You told me your horrible life story first, and you left out all the murder, the terrorism, everything else that could have ever caused me to run screaming from you." Flora's voice was a cold, furious whisper. "What did you think you were going to do here? Keep lying to me, keep using me? Keep hiding everything from me? Until, what, I was in too deep to back out? Your words already, I recall."
"I never lied to you! I just- hid things from you...Okay, so, I guess so, yes. I was...hoping to not have to tell you everything. I was being careful not to let you hear...anything too terrible. Because I like you, I care about you, and I wanted to keep you around. Even more so now, since my mother was killed. Since you've been so..."
"So kind to you," Flora spat. Her face was ugly. "I'd never have been so kind if I'd known from the start what you were!"
"I know. I knew that. That's why I...chose to keep it all from you for...as long as I could."
"Did you think I'd care about you too much by this point to leave? Is that how you saw this going? That, what, because we shared stories, some cuddles and a few kisses, that that meant I'd choose to stay with a fucking murdering terrorist?" A laugh. A terrible, awful laugh. "How much self-respect do you think I don't have for myself?!"
"I- I don't know about that part," Cinder admitted. "I just know I didn't want you to leave me."
"Well, too bad: I'm leaving - and I'm taking Maggy."
"No!"
Flora stood quivering as Cinder rose to her feet before her. But she remained...standing. She looked her in the eyes, lips twisting into a smile that was in no way pretty. "What, are you going to finally kill me now? Just kill me in some shitty hotel room and dump the body? Or are you planning on burning me to a crisp and scattering my ashes?"
"N-no!" Cinder gasped, horrified. "I'd never do that to you! Not- not now. But I can't- let you take her. You know that, you have to know that. I can't let...not even you. Used you or not, manipulated you or not, the situation as it stands is exactly as it always was. And I'm going to do anything I have to in order to keep Maggy safe from Salem. Which means not letting you run off with her. Sorry."
"You've murdered children!"
"Yes, I have. And I'm sorry - I regret ever doing any of it! You heard me back there in the park, none of that- none of that was a lie! I know now how- how wrong it all was, I know how screwed up I was, I know I was doing the most horrible things in service to the most horribly evil creature, I know the full- weight and gravity of my crimes- I know how much I- why do you think I betrayed Salem, abandoned her so completely that she killed my mother right in front of me! That...is how much I know that I was-"
"Stop! We're way past sorry; you're way past sorry! I don't care what you say, or how you feel over it all after you've already done it! I don't care what you want - I'm taking Maggy with me."
"No, you're not! And I'm not even sure I want to let you leave me on your own, either. The situation is what it is, like I said before: Salem will find you, and kill you, and torture you, because she knows you're with me right now. It won't matter that you found out about me, that I kept things from you, that you hate me now, it doesn't matter to her! All that matters is that she knows, and she'll come for you now. Your best chance of living...is still...right here with me. Like it or not."
Flora's unpretty smile grew wider. She leaned in, breath hot in Cinder's face. "You think you can pull that card on me, really? You're still trying to manipulate me into staying with you - well, it won't work. I'm leaving, and you won't stop me."
"Fine. Leave!" Cinder growled, frustrated and floundering. "But not with Maggy."
Flora stood a long moment. Silent. Then- "Fine."
"Fine?"
"Yes, fine," Flora snarled. "Keep your sister. Keep her safe from Salem. But I am fine with taking my chances elsewhere - maybe with those actual Huntresses from the park! So I am walking out of here right now. Do not. Stop me. I'd rather kill myself than let you keep controlling me, and using me."
"I understand...I- I won't stop you."
"Fucking better not. If you touch me, gods forbid you try to grab me, I'm going to scream, and scream to this whole block just who you are, and just where you are. And then Salem and your former co-workers can all come right to you!" With that being said, Flora turned away, and marched from the room.
The door was slammed on the way out, hard enough to shake the room.
Cinder sat down on the bed, crying silently.
Several minutes passed, and Neo came striding in with Miltia.
Cinder's eye registered them. And then registered what wasn't there with them.
"Did you give Maggy to Flora?!"
"She asked Neo to - said she wanted to take her for a walk," Miltia explained.
Cinder whirled toward the window immediately. "Zeke, I need you to help me-"
But the sill was empty; Zeke was nowhere in sight.
Cinder shoved past Neo and Miltia, racing out the door with utter abandon.
Flora clutched her sides as she emerged from yet another alley, onto open street.
She leaned against the wall, heaving. Listening to the sounds of cars and passersby in late morning routine.
Even with superhuman abilities, she still had limits. Running flat out for a dozen blocks straight was one of them.
Flora caught her breath and pushed off, immediately ducking into the shop she'd stopped in front of.
It was a little general store.
Flora went to the counter, gripping Maggy's carrier tight. "Where are your bathrooms, please?"
The man behind the counter pointed.
"Thank you."
Flora walked quickly between the aisles, toward the very back. She pushed open the door, slammed it shut and, by grace of gods, found a lock to twist soundly behind herself.
She backed away and fell onto the toilet seat, setting Maggy's carrier down at her feet.
And she trembled, and she cried.
Gods, this was all a huge mistake! Why had she ever taken that woman in, why hadn't she ever questioned- when she'd found out more and more, piece by piece - Neo, mentions of grimm invasions and vague jobs, knowledge of crime organizations, the revelation of a humanoid grimm monstrosity trying to kill Cinder, trying to kill her for leaving her...why hadn't Flora ever really stopped to think what that all implied, what it had to mean?! About Cinder, about all of them! Why in the world had she excused that woman in her own mind, time and again?
Oh, surely she was terrified, forced into it! Surely she hadn't done that bad of things - she had to have held herself back, lied to that monster, maybe helped sneak someone away, let someone go! She maybe had killed, at minimum, one or two people, but then surely in self defense, or out of necessity? A Ruby Rose who had taken her eye, her arm - it was no wonder Cinder had the fiery disposition she always did! To live like that!
But Ruby Rose was a child, but Cinder had willingly and gleefully murdered several teenagers, had willingly and gleefully set a grimm invasion on a city - twice over! Had led an assault on two different schools full of children! Had murdered a helpless young woman in a pod, already injured from a previous attack, from scarring, from...just for her powers! Her Magic!
Flora couldn't excuse anymore - not a thing more! Not even that display of remorse and pathetic begging earlier today was an excuse! Not now, not after! All of her victims surely would've loved it if Cinder could have come to her senses before she had murdered them!
But Beacon had been months ago - and Haven, weeks ago now! Where was all of this then?!
Many minutes passed Flora by, alone and exhausting herself of emotion - and berating herself even further for her own stupidity - until a knock came at the door.
The voice to come through wasn't the voice of the man from the counter.
"Hey, Ms. Flora in there, the name's Qrow Branwen, professional huntsman - I'm here to get you and that baby of yours someplace safe. Could you come out for me, please?"
Flora was frozen. Was it a ruse, bait, someone put up to it by Cinder? Why, how, would some random huntsman just come in here like this and know Flora was in some kind of trouble? Well, she had been running around in a panic with a baby. That was a sight to worry just about anyone. And if a random huntsman had seen her, been concerned...That was logical. Reasonable.
She still didn't move.
More knocking. An exasperated sigh. "Listen, I don't want to come off as a disgusting creep and open the door, so if you could please come on out already?"
Slowly, Flora stood. She picked up Maggy, and went to open the door.
A dark haired man stood before her, looking relieved. He looked familiar to her somehow. Then it came to her, in all the fog of emotion: he'd been one of those huntsmen in the park earlier, the ones trying to take - rescue - Maggy.
"Do you have an ID?" Flora asked immediately, all the same. Paranoia racing in her mind, mixing with the fear.
The man, Qrow, reached into a pocket and pulled out his scroll. He showed it off to her.
It looked legitimate enough. But then, she recalled how Cinder had gotten fake passports for them all before...
"Listen," Qrow began, leaning in. "I know just who you're running from. I was scoping your place out - I saw you run. More specifically, I was doing surveillance on Cinder Fall. I know you just learned the truth about her. It's because I knew already who she was that I'm going to do my best to make sure she doesn't come anywhere near you now. If you can agree to come with me. I'll take you to Atlas, right to the Huntsman Academy. The best protective custody you could ever find yourself in."
Flora was just so...so exhausted. She was done with all of this...and done with herself.
"Alright...thank you..."
"Just doing my job, Ms. Now let's get going, please. Cinder's probably looking for you right now."
Flora looked down at Maggy. No, she's not looking for me. Guilt rose in her - but she stomped it to bits immediately. No baby deserved to be raised by a murdering terrorist, relative or not, and...and these actual, professional Huntsmen could surely do far better for Maggy (and Flora, too) than Cinder's brand of protection ever could!
Cinder had spent hours looking for them - the whole day - before conceding defeat.
Giving in to her feelings of grief, of hurt - of everything.
But most of all, just...plain old exhaustion.
Physical, and emotional.
Today had been so stressful, so full of twists and turns and curve balls, that she just didn't have it in her to keep it up anymore.
Not today.
She'd rest, she'd think, and wake up tomorrow focused and refreshed.
And she'd search again. And again. And again, on until she finally found them.
Although, she had an obvious idea about where to find them: Flora herself had said it, after all.
But that just meant that ultimately Cinder had failed. Failed...yet again. Failed to keep Maggy safe with her, failed to keep her with her period, for her promise. She'd ended up with those people anyways, in the end. In the end...
Cinder had failed again.
Was that ever going to end, too?
Or was that just going to be her defining trait of existence? Cinder the Failure.
If Cinder wanted to get Maggy back - and she did, with all her soul - then she'd need to either go to Atlas herself to retrieve her (which she was reluctant to do; reluctant to break the truce just made earlier today, reluctant to bring huntsmen and Altas military forces down on her head, and even, though she'd never have admitted it, reluctant to kill anyone nowadays), or...or she could do it another way.
She could just talk to them - as much as she'd hate talking to them - and ask them about Maggy. About Flora. About getting the former back from them. She'd do anything, she'd say anything. She'd even humiliate herself to hell and back again, if they still weren't satisfied...
Cinder collapsed onto her bed, face-first, burying her head in her pillows.
She was just so goddamn tired.
Soul deep.
She needed...she wanted...she...
Cinder rolled over and grabbed her scroll off the nightstand; she called Lisari's scroll (Hazel had brought it to her a few days back, but they'd only talked once, briefly; Lisari was still in terrible condition - no condition for long scroll calls). But hopefully...she'd be in a bit better of a condition now for one. It wouldn't be too long, she told herself, to assuage the guilt already rising.
It was only a moment before the video call connected.
Lisari's face filled the screen.
"Cin. This is really out of the blue..."
"I- I'm sorry, I know, I- I just need to talk."
Lisari looked at her weakly, but she smiled the way Cinder loved. "You do look like you need to. You look awful."
"Thanks. I just- I had to- I can't- I'm sorry. You probably want nothing to do with me, don't you?" Cinder voiced flatly.
"No, no. I'll hear whatever it is you have to say. I always have. So just talk whenever you're ready."
"I need- help. Advice." Cinder broke down, telling her everything that had happened today. With Flora, with Maggy. With those huntsmen, Ozpin's star team. Shame and self-loathing prominent in her. "What should I do now? She'll never want to see my face again - and maybe she's right about that. For Salem, for power, the things I've done...I...I am sorry, I know they were wrong, I know they were horrendous! I know that, I realize that, I do! But I still just...I don't know where to go from here. I'm still in the same situation, nothing's changed in general. I'm still hunted, I'm still scared, I'm still just- but what do I do now? Without her? And Maggy-"
"Leave her be," Lisari said, firm. "Leave her and Maggy be - they have my blessing, as her mother. That's a very strong, brave, and smart woman to leave you how she did. Rightful and true, and you deserved that. All of that. And where they are now, at least they'll have an army of huntsmen around them. That's better than you could do on your own for them."
Cinder nodded, throat tight. As much as it pained her to admit those huntsmen could do any kind of good...self righteous enemies of hers...she knew things had changed now. And she knew, at least, they'd do that much. She could trust them to do that much. As for the other part of what Lisari had said to her... "I know, yes. I did deserve all of it. And probably...more, don't I?"
"Probably a lot more," Lisari said evenly.
"But what do I...do? Please."
"You leave her alone, you leave Maggy in her wonderful, good hands - and you move forward without her." Lisari gazed at her. "You be good, you be kind, you be remorseful, in everything you do, in every single day of your life, and, with every ounce of these powers of yours, and these skills you've learned...you put every bit of your soul into helping people around you, into saving them. And into opposing this Salem in everything she does. And you- you do that the rest of your life, and maybe, just maybe...after you die, and your soul goes on to khi'hali...maybe you'll end up in the same place as Jenna. But you don't do it for that, you don't do it for her - or even for me, Cin - you do it for the people still here. The ones left behind by everything you've ever done. For your victims, direct and indirect. You do it, and you do it damn selflessly, and for no other reason, and because it's right. And maybe..."
"Maybe...?"
"Maybe that will make up for it," Lisari answered, quiet and simple. "But even if it never does, even if it's not enough, you do it anyways. Because that is what you should be doing, and it is the least you can ever do in this world now."
"Do you hate me too? Are you scared of me, too?"
Lisari's fists clenched in her lap. "I'm disgusted with you, Cin. I'm horrified by you. And I'm...extremely disappointed to see what kind of woman that girl I took in became. But, most of all...I'm just angry for all of your victims. But I don't personally hate you for it, and I'm not scared of you for it either. I can tell just how much you really are remorseful, and maybe- maybe some ancient grimm queen is a mitigating factor. Maybe, at first, you were terrified of her, and you kept being terrified, even as you did what she wished. We're seeing that now, aren't we? That leaving her has terrible consequences. So maybe you knew, inside, that this would happen before now. I don't know, I can't say. It's not for me to say, really, at all." She sighed. "I just want you to make the right choices now. You can't resurrect the dead, so that is all you can do now. And that's all I can expect out of you now, realistically - because with those powers, that skill of yours, there's no way to just lock you up somewhere, is there? Better to have you doing good, every day, than wasting time trying to contain you. And I'm not the one who could say whether you should be sentenced to death, either, so that's not really in my mind right now," she concluded quietly.
"Okay..."
A long silence fell between them - which Cinder felt the irresistible urge to break again.
"Can I call you again, tomorrow? Or, in another couple of days?" Cinder asked, blurting.
"I think it would be best for both of us if you didn't - not for a while." Lisari responded, calm and quiet. Her expression was soft, like memory again. "But that doesn't mean I won't be here for you. Do you understand? I don't hate you - I still love you, Cin. I love you just as much as I did when you were eight, and J-Jenna and I came across you in that street. But love or hate doesn't factor into this. All that matters is what you do, not how you or even how I feel about it."
"Y-yes, I understand...I l-love you, too. And I'm- thankful, for everything, for- and I'm sorry I...I did such awful things, and I failed you, and I failed Jenna, and I-"
"I know. I know. Remorse is good, but don't get lost in it. Focus on turning it into fuel for doing what's right. Take that feeling, and show it to the world around you. Don't just talk."
"Okay. I will."
"Good. Now, goodbye."
"But what do I do?" Cinder said, hopeless, quick. Clinging.
"Wherever you feel you can do the most good - however you think you can."
Cinder considered it. For a long time, really and truly. She wasn't really accustomed to thinking about others - let alone thinking about helping them. She'd always, since childhood, been focused on herself. Her survival, her feelings, her thoughts. Her own life. She could count on one hand the number of people she'd ever given conscious thought to wanting to help - in any way. "I-" she finally began to say.
"Don't say it," Lisari cut across her. "Just go do it. I'll still be here."
"Right. Goodbye." Cinder ended the call and let her scroll drop to the bedsheets. Her eyes settled onto Neo and Miltia - both of whom were busy trying to look busy, and not like they had just heard everything on that call so personal and intimate. "If you two are going to keep staying with me, I'd- like for your help moving forward."
"Help with what?" Miltia groaned.
"Mantle," Cinder replied. "We've all seen it: Mantle is suffering - and we can't leave it out in the cold. We're going to get out there when we can, and help beat back the grimm attacks. That's all I'll ask of you two; we can call it fair recompense for staying here like we are. And, for me alone...I'm going to start doing more than that - join me if you want, or don't. But I'm sure the two of you have stains on your souls just as bad as mine...and you should be trying to cleanse them."
Neo squirmed; Miltia just snorted and turned away.
Cinder's thoughts turned to Mantle. If Cinder wasn't mistaken, the perimeter walls were full of holes, and those needed to be filled.
And who better to fix them than a woman with ancient magical powers?
It was something she'd never thought of before - never would have: using Maiden magic to fix, to repair, to...heal.
But she thought it might just work.
At very least, she had to try.
Every single day, until the day she died, she had to try.
Try to be better.
To be good.
To make up for every last death and injury she'd ever caused over the last three years.
And hope it was enough, by the time the day came for her soul to pass on.