The words hung in the air. No-one spoke for several seconds while they sunk in. For Nesta - and for me, too. It hadn't felt as real before as it did now that I had spoken the truth. The fact made me want to curl up and just lie here forever. I felt pathetic for reacting like this. I wanted to force myself to stop, but these last few minutes had been my body reacting to the news I had just gotten. I had had no control over myself.

The distant beat of the music from inside was the only noise between us until Nesta finally said, "Does he know?" Her words nor her face showed no sign of her thoughts. Did she pity me? I hoped not.

I would never have had imagined myself to end up here with tears down my cheeks over something as simple as boy trouble, but my fate seemed fit for someone like me, I concluded. Amarantha's unworthy daugther. I should be thankful that Rhysand hadn't killed me the moment he laid his eyes on me. Or perhaps he knew of this and this was his way of punishing me for his mother's crimes.

No - it was impossible. No-one knew. I didn't know how it was possible to have staid hidden for so long, but from the little I knew about mating bonds they were very individual. Different for each mated couple. And like Feyre had once told me, it did not equal love.

"No," I whispered with a hoarse voice. I lowered my eyes as I prepared for the next words. Those words that somehow pained me the most - which I hated. "I think he's too busy with his darling Mor to notice." Turning my head away, towards the entering to the night club which still beheld the two mentioned people, I hid the involuntary tears that found their way down my cheeks. Pathetic.

I didn't need to look at Nesta to know what her reaction was. I could hear her mouth gasp slightly open with shock. Had she not known that Azriel was deeply in love with Morrigan? That he had probably been for hundreds of years, longing for her but too shy to confront her about it. That was why he had attacked the male from Autumn Court when he had insulted her. Why he had just before looked at her like she was all the stars in the sky. And why he always seemed to stand the closest to her wherever he was. She was everything to him, and she didn't know as she flirted with every good-looking male she desired.

Perhaps I was too harsh on Morrigan, but I couldn't help it. It felt as if ever since I had truly admitted it to myself that the stupid bond controlled parts of my mind and thoughts. I was as much a captive again as I had been Under the Mountain. This scared me the most. Everything I longed for - and had ever longed for my entire life - was freedom. Perhaps it was some pathetic joke from the Mother to trade one kind of captivity for another.

"Iris," she finally said. Very contrary to her usual attitude towards the others, her voice was now filled with love and warmth. She continued to gently stroke my hair. "You are worth so much more. You can choose your own fate. This doesn't seal you at all." It seemed like she knew the exact words of the thoughts in my head. The words she spoke was filled with confidence, as if they were true, but I knew better.

"You are wrong," I told her without thinking through my words. I didn't wait for her to protest before I continued, "I can already feel the pull, just from being out here. My body longs to be with him. And I have no control over my mind." The words felt like poison in my mouth. "I am no longer free."

"Yes, you are-"

"All my life, I have been locked away and used for my mother's interest. How is this any different?" The tears flooded my view as I returned my eyes to hers that were filled with worry.

She sighed. "It's very different. No-one's using you," she said. True, I thought, but did it really matter? "But you can choose, Iris. You can choose your own path and be just as happy. I know that everything must seem so dark to you right now, but when this war against that monster of a king is over, you can go your own way and you never have to look back."

I fell silent and let myself imagine a future without a winged male in it. I forced the picture to seem peaceful, though my mind battled it. But yes, it was there - the slight possibility of living with this. "I should never have come here," I admitted to her. Within mere minutes, I had completely exposed myself to her, my reading companion for many nights. These were our first spoken words to each other. I was sad they had to be under these circumstances.

Nesta let a slight smile dance on her lips. "Perhaps not, but then you would never have met me," she replied. She got up and offered me a hand. "Come, dear friend. Your night can't end like this. Let's take a night stroll. Just the two of us."

…

We spent the rest of the night wandering the streets of Velaris. We met many like us who was enjoying the magical light from the radiant stars above us - some who probably slept during the day and was awoke during the night just for this experience. Something which at first had seemed silly when I first was introduced to Velaris' history by Feyre weeks ago, but now made sense to me. The atmosphere of the city at night would never tire me.

At first, we just walked in silence and breathed in the crisp air. We admired the various shops and boutiques we walked by, some closed and some still open. It made me calm down and let me gather my thoughts. Perhaps it was even just the greater distance that made me more collected. I could still feel the pull from before, but it didn't seem quite so frantic as before. As if the very slight distance made it even more eager to shorten the distance between us.

Every aspect of it frightened me. It was something which I would have never wished for. Perhaps in many, many years. When I had begun living - properly. My reaction had frightened me too. With decades of torment and stress, one would think I could handle anything without… well, freaking out. It had, however, been a bodily reaction only. Deep in my mind I had known for weeks but had not let it surface until tonight where I couldn't suppress it any longer.

One thing was beginning to come clear to me. There was nothing to do about it now. I could only go forward from now on.

"It infuriates me, sometimes, to see this place. How many resources they have when my village had none," Nesta suddenly said and I turned my head to her. I didn't know for how long we had walked. "We could do nothing against the Fae if they came. It was just by the Wall. And even with this war, must Fae won't help the humans."

And with this, Nesta began telling me the story of her life. Of her family and how their wealth had changed and how Feyre had been their caretaker. She told me her opinion on everything and everyone from above the Wall as I just listened to her. Her persona stood more and more clear to me as the hours went by with her stories. These past weeks, I had gotten the impression that she was often portrayed as sulking and angry at everyone. Now, I began to understand her better than I understood myself. I understood that she had her reasons.

As the night sky slowly began to brighten to a dawn, we began to head back to the club and the conversation shifted to be of dreams. We discussed each other's dreams and, though mine had taken some time to form on my lips, my dreams suddenly seemed much more reachable. We hadn't talked a word about what happened earlier in the night - Nesta knew I had no need to - yet the future seemed more manageable now. I could get through this and continue with my life and dreams just as well as before. It would change nothing.

It became almost a promise to me: Nothing. It would change nothing.

Another promise that took form in my mind was for Nesta to be in my life. Even after the war if we both survived. She had shown to be a true friend - perhaps my very first friend. Like she had been there for me tonight, I would always be there for her in any way she needed.

And as we reached the club which we had left hours ago, we walked with our arms linked and greeted the others who were waiting for us outside with tired smiles on their faces. With mixed feelings, I made sure only to look at Morrigan and Cassian. Morrigan had her arms around both Cassian and Azriel in a loving hug as she said with a tired sigh, "There you are. Let's go back, then. Ahh, this was just what I needed tonight. Wasn't it fun? A night to remember."

…

The next couple of days went by in a blur and the last night before the - probably - final battle was spent by winnowing humans away from their lands. I did not help as my winnowing wasn't strong enough to carry any other, but whenever someone got tired during the night, I helped them recharge their energy slightly, careful to not give them too much.

I thought it was a nice gesture to help the humans. It was, however, a folk that I had much experience with. Practically none. Nesta had allowed me to widen my gaze which had helped me understand better, but it was still strange to me: a folk with no powers and magic. They had only their weapons and they couldn't do much against the Fair Folk. They were like I had once been: powerless, imprisoned, but for the whole duration of their short lives.

And just as fast as the last few days had gone by, the night crept away to reveal a day we had all dreaded.

For once, I was given a proper spot between the soldiers. I wasn't to stand in the behind, not really helping. Today, we needed all the help we could get. I had been equipped with the blade that Azriel had once picked out for me. I had used all my spare time to practice the art of using it and though I was nowhere near as trained as the soldiers around me, I would probably be able to hold myself. The intense training had also allowed me to clear my mind and focus only on technique. It had become a safe space for me with no worries, and I looked forward to getting started today to reach that same mind space.

I wasn't scared. None the slightest.

I knew the day would end at some point and whoever who stood standing at last would have earned it. The Mother would have willed it so. Thinking so let me feel calm, even. Everything would have a purpose. So, if I died today, it would be okay. I would not let it frighten me, for I had been forced into nothing. This was my choice, and no-one could take that from me.

I could sense the nervousness from the warriors around me as we faced our enemy and as the fighting began. We were nowhere near their number, even with Feyre's recent catch of getting three new additions: the Bone-Carver, Bryaxis and the Weaver. All three were strangers to me, also by name, but they radiated dark power. I could sense that their powers were strange, almost ancient-like.

Besides fighting with my blade, I had direct sources to the High Lords that had shown up, sending them power through each bond. Occasionally, I even killed a Hybern soldier by sending them an amount of power that killed them. It was instantaneous and probably less painful that by a blade. Therefor I was highly challenged with the various links I had to maintain along with fighting and being aware of my surroundings, but I was good - confirmed by Feyre who mentally told me so.

It still wasn't enough, though. But when the High Lord of Autumn and Spring - and a human named Graysen - joined us with their respective armies, the battle took a turn for our benefit. Each Hybern soldier we met began to have a more panicked look in their eyes. We were winning. I had begun sending power to the newcomers, as well, and I was beginning to tire. I was too focused to notice that a particular male from the Autumn Court kept eyeing me with a peculiar look in his eyes.

…

Hours later, the battle was won by us. It hadn't been easy, and we had been close to losing several people that had been close to me the past weeks. Even Rhysand who for some minutes had been lost, but Feyre got her mate back.

I had been standing somewhat afar from the scene when Rhysand died. The terror it had caused Feyre still shook me. I had had a tight feeling in my stomach ever since. Was the mating bond truly a gift, something sacred, as it was usually portrayed by the Fae? Today, it had looked more like a curse if it could bring forth such emotions, physical as well as mental. It had scared me more to watch than to face the Hybern army.

Now everyone was gathering to attend a meeting in which the future would be discussed. From every court and from those who belonged to no court of Prythian, they gathered in a tent. I was standing outside the opening as Feyre came to me and hugged me. She looked tired, but her eyes held a great relief that I knew the origin of.

"You did really well today, Iris," she said as she let go of me, only to take my hands in hers. "Thank you. For helping today and for the other times. I'm glad you came to us." Her voice was full of warmth and sincerity. I got the feeling that she was more thankful than she could say with words, especially considering she nearly lost what was dearest to her.

I bowed my head slightly. "I thank you, too. For letting me help." And for so many other things, but I couldn't bring myself to say any of those.

Now that the final battle and the war was over, I was left with my thoughts with nothing to distract me. I had come over me almost instantly as a big wave as we declared victory. It had taken much strength to shut it off, if only slightly, in order to not react the same way as the other night. I had no idea why I had such a response to it, but one thing stood clear to me.

"I'm leaving now," I said to Feyre. I didn't want to spend any more time here. I did not know where to I would go, however Rhysand had yesterday talked to me of a small house in the outer Velaris that was mine if I wanted it. A house that was well away from everything as he probably knew I preferred it, but still close to a city I had begun to love. A place for me to heal from a life of torment and imprisonment. I hadn't decided if that would be where I was headed, but I had thanked him just the same.

Feyre let my hands fall out of hers as she took my words in. "Leaving? Won't you join the meeting? You're more than welcome. In fact, you should be there." But she could see the answer in my eyes before she had even asked.

"No, thank you." I gave her a small smile. I felt more like making a weird grimace, but hopefully it seemed convincing to Feyre. I had already told Nesta that I would be leaving right away, and she had understood in the way only she could.

As we stood before the entrance to the large war tent, several Fae and humans walked past us, but I didn't glance at them until a particular face left my eyes no choice. I locked eyes with Azriel as he walked towards the tent. He gave me a slight nod with his head and looked away again as he entered the tent. This was the first contact I had had with him in days, and in those few milliseconds it had lasted, I saw only respect - as he would surely have towards any fellow soldier in a battle - but also a slight disinterest. It confirmed my decision of not staying - for he still knew nothing, and it was better that way.

I looked to the ground to hide the embarrassment.

When I looked up at Feyre's next words, she seemed to have noticed nothing. "Oh, Iris… Please know that you're always welcome in our court. In fact, you must come often." She gave me another tight hug to emphasize her words.

As I couldn't promise her anything, my reply was only a nod as well as a farewell. I was indeed very thankful for her and for all that she had done for me, especially considering the identify of my mother. She could easily and with good reason have ordered my death, or at least sent me away, but she hadn't.

The last thing I saw was the smile of the High Lady of the Night Court before I winnowed away.

A/N: Now the story is ready to begin :) Please review!