Bella Swan
"That's our baby." Bella said, for what seemed like the 40th time in ten minutes. I supported her waist securely, as she was still slightly unstable on her feet, and watched her with a small smile as she stared at our daughter in the incubator.
The nurse who was looking after our baby also seemed amused by Bella's surprised reaction. "Do you guys have a name?" She retrieved the little pink card attached to the incubator and got the pen ready.
"Renesmee Rose." Bella and I both said at the same time, and the nurse looked at us in surprise.
"How would I spell that?" Once all the details were filled in, Bella settled into a huge, caramel colored chair and sighed with a bubble of excitement. The nurse left us alone, and we both stared intently at the little life in front of us.
She was so small, and so tiny. Her skin wasn't so red now, and she was incredibly soft. Her huge, beautiful, curious eyes had opened the day after her birth, and they were a dark blue, as of now. Her fair hair – seemingly mixed between a bronze and a blond – was barely visible on top of her small head. She was perfection; simple utter perfection.
"She's so beautiful, Edward." Bella whispered quietly, snapping away with the digital camera Esme had given her merely hours before. "Reach in and hold her hand," She demanded, shakily rising to her feet. She zoomed in on the camera, snapping a picture of Renesmee's tiny hand wrapped around my index finger.
We were there for almost an hour, nearly 700 shots of Renesmee stored on the little device. I rolled my eyes at Bella. "What are you like, huh?"
"They grow so fast." She informed me, reaching in to stroke our baby's cheek.
I smiled softly. "That they do. She's so pretty – just like her mommy."
Bella blushed softly, reaching to stroke Renesmee's hand. "She has her daddy's hair." She brushed back Renesmee's cotton hat and studied the fair strands with a small smile. "It's so unique."
It was my turn to blush. "It's still fairly blond. It may not turn to bronze..." I knew that it would, but accepting the compliment seemed low of me. This little girl in front of me was part of me, and I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. I wasn't a good person. I wanted to give her everything but I was afraid I would let her down.
Bella looked at me, her eyebrows raised. "She has various strands of bronze already, Edward. She's going to look just like you. That's a good thing."
"Yeah." I murmured softly, flicking through the pictures Bella had taken. She was such a beautiful angel.
Bella moved from our daughter, and came to stroke my cheek. "Edward? What's wrong baby?"
I shook my head softly and sat down in one of the chairs. "That's our daughter, Bella…" I looked at the incubator again, my eyes full of tears. "She deserves so much more than someone like me. What if I mess up? What if I cry in front of her? What if I hurt her? What if I hurt myself? How am I supposed to explain to her that I'm depressed?"
Bella bent down beside me which took a lot of effort because she winced in pain. "Don't think like that Edward. It's going to be okay. It may not be today, but someday you're going to be okay again. And like you said; she's our daughter, your daughter. No matter what happens, she'll forgive you and she'll always love you. She'll understand. Let's just focus on making her better, okay?"
I nodded, standing up from the chair quickly which caused my head to spin for a second. "I'm going to go see mom…" I said gently.
Bella nodded; understatement on her face. She went back to our daughter.
I left the NICU quickly, trying to keep my tears in check. I almost ran through the hallways and was told twice to stop running. I just couldn't take it. I felt like I was losing my mind.
It took me 10 minutes to find Esme and the rest of my family. They were gathered together on a huge table in the corner of the hospital's canteen.
I pulled up a chair and slowly sank down in it next to Emmett and Carlisle. I released a small breath and put my head in my hands for a few seconds.
"What's up, bro?" Emmett asked softly, meeting my gaze with concerned eyes. "Baby okay?"
I nodded. "Yeah. Her names Renesmee. Renesmee Rose."
Esme beamed happily. "You called her Rose!? That is so sweet of you and Bella! I have never heard of the name Renesmee. Where did you find it?"
"We didn't." I said quietly, knowing a light blush was coating my cheeks. "We put your name and Bella's mom's name together and created Rene-esmee."
Esme's mouth was hanging open – she seemed shocked. "Oh good gracious!" Her hands flew to her mouth and she broke out into a grin. "What a beautiful idea!"
I smiled softly, turning on the camera and flicking through the pictures until I found one of my favorites. I brought it up on the screen and showed the family. They all said she was beautiful.
Everyone was blown away.
When I finally had time to myself, I settled into a corner with Renesmee's baby book and slowly started writing. It seemed strange now that she was finally here.
Its Daddy again baby, (well, Renesmee. I wonder when I'll get used to that.)
You're finally here. You are so beautiful, yet so little. My heart loves you but also fears for your safety. Although we were excited to meet you, you came a little more quickly than we expected, and I guess that is totally fine, except that it may have affected your health. I'm keeping my faith though.
You're a strong girl – which I can already tell – no matter how tiny you are. You've got a fighting spark just like your mommy. I'm sitting here wondering whose eyes you'll have; who'll you'll turn out to be. You already have my hair, well a bit of it. You remind me a little of your Aunt Rosalie, and that is perfectly fine too.
I know she would love you. She loved babies. She would have been a great Auntie. But don't you worry; she's looking down on us from Heaven and helping us get through. She won't let anything or anyone hurt you. We'll be just fine.
I love you with every ounce of my being, my whole life is you and your mommy. I can't wait for our future.
You are utter, complete perfection.
Lots of hugs and kisses, and thank you for blessing my life.
Daddy x