Test Your Might (Parts I, II-A, and II-B), by Daneel Rush
Part I originally posted on February 29th, 2012.
Part II-A originally posted March 14th, 2012.
Part II-B originally posted March 18th, 2012.
"Ladiiiiiiiiiiies and geeeeentlemeeeeeeeeeeen!"
Gripping a not-really-empty bottle of beer as if it were a microphone, Chrono filled the mostly empty halls of the Emiya residence in Fuyuki City with an unusually loud and excited voice. Everything about his current appearance would be found most unusual, maybe even unbelievable, to those acquainted with him. His colleagues at TSAB would stubbornly refuse to associate the disheveled, white-t-shirt-and-jeans-wearing loon shouting on top of the dining table with the stern, perfectionist young admiral and genius mage.
"Who the hell are you talking to…?" the Chief Librarian of the Infinity Library, Yuuno Scrya, mumbled in a tone of mockery. It was also a tone of voice unusual in him; for it was a tone of voice he saved exclusively to insult Chrono Harlaown. In his hands, the young blond man gripped the control of a certain motion-capture-based gaming console popular in Non-Administrated World #97.
"Finally! At long last! The moment you've aaaaaaaaaall been waaaaaiting foooooooooor!" Chrono continued his boisterous spiel without minding Yuuno's commentary.
Right by Chrono's feet, the Guardian Beast Zafira seated in seiza with austere solemnity utterly marred by the childish grin on his rough face.
"Much blood has been spilled to reach this point!"
"If by 'blood' you mean 'beer', then yes, much blood has been spilled," Emiya Shirou commented from his destined place in the kitchen, where he was busy preparing a new round of snacks. "On my floor."
"Yes, much blood has been spilled!" Chrono repeated. "Blooooooooooood!"
"BLOOOOOOOOOOD!" His disturbing cry was joined by Zafira.
"But finally, the final battle is at hand!" the young admiral continued. "After crushing countless opponents—"
"There are only five of us, you know…?" Shirou muttered.
"—and feasting on the guts of the fallen, only two remain! And now, they shall FIGHT! The decisive battle! The loser shall be consigned to OBLIVION!"
"Wow, he's really into it…" Yuuno muttered in an unchanging tone.
"And the winner shall be made IMMORTAL! Worshipped FOREVER! And the UNBROKEN! The INVINCIBLE! The ULTIMATE! The one and only Hegemon…and Ruler…!"
Chrono and Zafira exchanged identical grins dripping with wickedness. Their brains addled with alcohol were somehow synchronized in idiocy.
"…of MORTAL KOMBAT!"
Zafira sank his thumb on the remote control and the widescreen TV they bought for the sole purpose of gaming at Emiya's place began to scream the Original Mortal Kombat Theme Song.
"First, the CHALLENGER!" Chrono yelled like a man possessed.
"Oh gods…" Yuuno muttered.
"Nobody expected anything from him!"
"Oi."
"But he has surprised the world and ascended to the pinnacle of brutality and carnage! His girly face betrays the instincts of a killer!"
"Oi!"
"His meek attitude hides a promise of PAINFUL VENGEANCE!"
"I'll give you painful vengeance…"
"He's the Weasel of Warfare! The FERRET OF FURY!"
"OI!"
"THE BOOKWORM OF BUTCHERY! THE LIBRARIAN OF LIQUIDATION!"
"What the hell!?"
"THE NERD FROM THE NETHERWORLD, YUUUUUUNO SSSSSSSSSSCRYAAAAAAAAAA!"
"UWOOOOOOOOOOO!" Zafira roared dementially.
"You two are complete idiots."
Shirou chuckled in the relative safety of his kitchen, shaking his head as he smiled with unbridled amusement. If only they knew…
A whole dimension away in distant Mid-Childa, a…rather large group of females watched a holographic screen in muted astonishment. A certain Emiya Shirou had been…'convinced' to have a magical clairvoyance array set up on his body by a certain threesome of women, all for the purpose of letting them witness just what the unnamed group of four young men and one young lady did whenever they hung out together.
With counted exceptions, they did not know what to expect. Regardless, it was proving an…eye-opening experience so far.
"Waaaai, onii-chan's awesome!" Levi the Slasher exclaimed gleefully as she embraced her 'sister' Load Dearche, who…well, blinked.
In a majestic manner, of course.
A devilishly smirking Tohsaka Rin placed a gentle hand on Amy Harlaown's right knee.
"It's okay to be embarrassed, Amy-san."
The wife of Chrono Harlaown, surprisingly enough, only raised an eyebrow at the ill-meaning Japanese woman.
"Such kind support from the girlfriend of the 'Bookworm of Butchery'."
"Why aren't you embarrassed, dammit!?" Rin exclaimed in outraged, feeling betrayed by the older woman's surprising calmness.
"Because I'm an adult," Amy declared. "And because I've known Chrono since he was a child, and this is the first time I actually see him acting like one."
A distance away from the screen managed by Reinforce Zwei, Lindy Harlaown smiled in appreciation as her daughter's familiar, Arf, offered her a cup of green tea.
"I think it's adorable," the former ship captain declared. "Ah, Arf dear, do you have sugar and milk?"
"Urk." The child-like familiar with canine features made a sound of clear disgust as she was reminded of Fate's mother's odd tastes. "…right. Gimme a sec."
"Ahahaha…" Nanoha had a rather strained smile on her face. "As…as long as they're having fun, it's okay…?"
Standing behind the couch where the Aces watched the proceedings, Shamal of the Wolkenritter chuckled teasingly.
"Still jealous of Vita, Mistress Hayate?"
"Ugh…"
"He faces the undisputed CHAMPION! Returning to defend her THRONE built from the BONES and ENTRAILS of the FALLEN!"
"Uwaaaaaaa…" Zafira made a reverential sound, as if the mere mention of the champion demanded fearful worship.
"Oh, please…" Yuuno muttered.
"She may be small, but her body is 100 percent RAAAAAAGE AND BLOOOOODLUUUUUUST!"
"Whooooooooohhh!" Zafira moaned, his body swaying and shaking like a religious fanatic welcoming his false prophet.
"She once knew fear, but then she KILLED IT! Now she is only capable of SLAUGHTER!"
"She comes…! She cooooomes!" Zafira joined in with a creepy chorus, truly like a man lost in fervent, fanatic ecstasy. Yuuno could only shake his head at the utterly ridiculous antics.
"YES! SHE COMES! GAZE UPON HER ADORABLE FORM, AND DESPAAAAAAAAIR!"
Chrono's hand pointed towards the closed shouji separating the dining room from the residence's yard, where Vita's small silhouette could be seen behind the paper door.
"What is she wearing…?" Yuuno murmured, as the dark figure looked unusually…shapely.
"I am the bone of my hammer."
Shirou could not help it.
"Pfft! Haha…ahahahaha!"
He exploded in laughter.
"Ah…" Nanoha uttered. The room had gone dead silent once more.
For they were witnessing something so rare, so scarce, it could be considered a priceless treasure.
And, just like all rare treasures, it was its rarity which made it all the more beautiful.
Nobody said anything. Nobody came up with a witty comment; nobody voiced a word of awe; nobody expressed what they were all thinking.
Such a beautiful moment could not be ruined so mundanely.
Chrono and Zafira grinned at each other as they acknowledged a personal victory.
Making utter fools of themselves was totally worth it. And they were not even done!
Vita obviously approved of Shirou's laughter, for her voice grew in excitement and intensity.
"Iron is my body, and magic is my blood."
She's not an Emiya—this is not the Vita Route, after all—so she doesn't get the awesome theme music.
"She has created over a thousand Flying Swallows!" Zafira joined in the 'chant'.
"Unaware of loss! Nor aware of mercy!" Chrono contributed the next line.
"Withstood idiocy to calcitrate many asses—" the girl's voice continued behind the sliding door.
"Waiting for dinner's arrival!" the three chanters exclaimed at once.
"Of course," Shirou muttered in mild complaint, but the smile on his face did not disappear.
"And these hands hold no regrets! Only my kickass Device!"
"FUCK YEAH!" Chrono and Zafira shouted together.
"The neighbors will call the police at this rate…" Yuuno suggested. Then again, they never did during the Grail War, so probably not.
"My whole life is!"
Bam! The frail sliding door trembled as it was rudely parted aside, revealing Vita clad in…
"Unlimited FUCK YOU Works!"
"Don't wear my blanket like a toga!"
Yagami Hayate gasped at the sight of her little knight dressed in the way of ancient Greece.
"She totally stole my idea!"
She got a lot of stares for that one.
"Not worthy, not worthy…" Chrono and Zafira were down on their knees in worship while the Champion made her entrance into the battle room, her steps firm and austere. She made a full circuit around the dining table, winking at Shirou as she walked past the wall separating the dining room from the kitchen.
Shirou finally realized why Vita asked him to project a crown for her. It had been a tricky job, as it was something outside the scope of his Reality Marble, and thus would not last long, but it was there: a crown of iron laurel leaves on the red knight's head.
Vita's triumphant entrance finally stopped in front of Yuuno, the two adversaries facing each other while standing in front of the television that would be the medium of their destined battle.
"…Vita," Yuuno greeted in a cool, challenging tone.
"…you dare address the Champion by name, mongrel?"
"Hnnn. I'll have you calling me 'Overlord Scrya' in just a few minutes."
"The finalists trade taunts before the decisive match," Chrono announced in a cautious voice, as if fearing retribution should he get in the way of the two adversaries. "Everything's ready for the Ultimate duel to the death, but first, we shall encourage our finalists with a reminder of the prizes the victor shall receive!"
"Wa-wa-wa—why is Vita-chan staring at Shirou like that!?" Nanoha squeaked.
The tracer planted on Shirou made it so that the girls could see through his eyes and hear through his ears.
"It's kinda like Fate-chan when she switches to her Naughty Mode!" the Aces of Aces pointed out.
"I-I—I don't have a 'Naughty Mode'!" An embarrassed buxom blond stammered out in reply…and triggered yet another moment of heavy, eloquent silence.
Young Testarossa Harlaown shriveled under the intense stares of all the other females present.
"I…I don't…" She weakly insisted. "I'm a good girl…Hayate-chan's the scary one…"
"Hey!"
"First and foremost! The right! To demand anything, ANYTHING! From the worst performer in this festival of CARNAGE!"
As Chrono presented the worst among the losers, the other three friends smirked at him as if proficiency in Mortal Kombat were a suitable measure of individual superiority.
"Emiya 'Idiot Hero' Shirou!"
"That nickname was completely unnecessary…" Shirou quietly complained.
"Don't you worry, Emiya!" Vita exclaimed. "Onee-chan will be there in just a minute!"
"Ooooh!" Chrono's overly dramatic voice. "It appears our Champion already knows what she intends to do with her prize!"
"Damn right I do!"
"Arf."
"The switch!" Hayate shouted in outrage. "The switch has been flicked!"
"Yes, Fate?"
"Prepare for interdimensional transfe—ow."
"Right, right, that's enough, that's enough," Tohsaka Rin stopped the beginning of a rampage with a swift smack on the back of Fate's head.
"Muuu…" Nanoha whined adorably. "I want to command Shirou too…"
"We can do that, my Master."
"You already have him in a leash, Takamachi!" As Japanese women, it was Rin's or Hayate's prerogative to do the tsukkomi. We'll leave it to Tohsaka-san this time. "And nobody gave permission to the stupid Devices to give stupid ideas!"
In the furthest corner of the room, Signum of the Wolkenritter and Stern the Destructor had separated themselves from the crazy to engage in idle talk over tea. However, the Knight of the Sword finally found something to contribute, if only to calm the strange mood which had overtaken the ever-jealous Aces.
"She will probably ask for food or something; there is no need to go insane over it."
"But making irrational assumptions makes so much more sense!" Nanoha complained and Signum exploded.
"The one that needs to make sense is your head!"
"Oooh, nice!" Hayate promptly gave a thumbs-up to the long-haired sword mistress. "You make your mistress proud, Signum!"
"Ah," Signum blushed and smiled a little, ever grateful for Hayate's praise. "Tha-thank—no, wait a minute, I don't want to be praised for something like that!"
"And second! The previously agreed Punishment Game!"
Shirou was put aside. The two contestants now looked at each other with vicious smirks that promised humiliation beyond imagination.
"Wow…didn't know Yuuno could pull off a face like that," Amy commented.
"I knew."
Somewhat disgusted eyes fell on Tohsaka Rin. The girl, even as she embarrassedly looked away so as to hide her flushed cheeks, still managed to look smug with her teasing smirk and her arms crossed under her bust.
"Arf."
"Yes, Fate?"
"Unwanted images in my head. Hit me."
"Ooh, ooh, let me do that, let me do that!"
"Don't just bring out Vulnificus, Levi!" Hayate cried out.
"The winner will command the loser to make an embarrassing purchase of his or her choosing!"
"Ufufufufu~" Vita giggled in delight. "I'm looking forward to your public humiliation, Book Boy."
"Oooh~" Chrono added coal to the flames. "Fighting words from the Champion! It's bestiality, isn't it? You'll have Yuuno buy bestiality material in a public setting."
"Hmph. You lack imagination, Chrono Harlaown. Just wait for my inevitable victory."
Yuuno…sighed. Loudly.
"Haa…tch, tch, tch." Shaking his head while he clicked his tongue, the young librarian offered his opponent a gaze infused with boundless pity.
"Ah, Vita, Vita, Vita…I assure you that, no matter what it is, nothing you could have come up with for me can begin to compare to what I have in store for you."
"Hoo…" Vita raised an eyebrow. "Big words, from such a little man."
"Alright, alright, alriiiiiight!" Chrono the announcer shouted out. "These two can barely contain their wish to beat each other! And there's no reason to stop them anymore! Everything in order, Zafira?"
"Aah!" The wolf-man vocalized. "Characters and stage have been selected! We're ready to go!"
"Alright! Then, with no further ado, the Ultimate battle for the title of absolute Champion! Contenders! Are you ready to test your might!?"
"Don't worry, Scrya; I'm sure you'll make a lovely scarf or something," Vita offered one last taunt.
"Hmph," the blonde boy turned his attention to the TV screen. "I hope you brought a change of diapers, Vita-chan; you're gonna need it."
"Perfect! Ladiiiiiiies and gentlemeeeeeeeen! In 5! 4! 3! 2!"
Chrono and Vita glared at Shirou in the back, and the tall redhead sighed as he figured out he would not be forgiven if he did not join in this one.
"ONE!"
The fivesome took air as one.
"MORTAL KOMBAT!"
Part II - Ending A
Yuuno's Victory – The Convenient Lightness of Vita's Being
"FINISH HIM!"
Such were the words displayed in bloody letters at the forefront of the screen.
"With pleasure."
The audience was gaping. The impossible was about to happen. Fingers dancer over the controls, and the videogame avatar slew his opponent in the gory style that is signature of that game series. Like that, it was over.
The room was swallowed by a powerful, eloquent silence.
Calmly, very calmly, Yuuno Scrya placed his controller on the dining table and coolly crossed his arms in front of his chest.
"…you may scream like loons now."
"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Chrono and Zafira did as suggested.
"Alright, I changed my mind; stop."
A second controller slipped off Vita's fingers.
"No way…no friggin' way…"
"WHOOOOOOOOAAAHHH!" The other two lunatics repeated. "He won! He wooooooon!"
"All hail Yuuno, Ferret Lord of Carnage!"
"That was completely unnecessary."
To the side, a glass of water was offered to the victor.
"Ah, thank you, Shirou."
"Congratulations, I guess…?"
"I lost…I lost…" Vita was mumbling as she watched the match-end screen with hollow eyes. "I lost…I'm not the Champion…"
"Oh, don't be like that, Vita," Shirou offered his attempt at consolation. "If it helps, you're still my Champion."
"Do-Don't say ridiculous things, Emiya!" the girl promptly lashed out at Shirou's awfully thoughtless choice of words. "I lost to the ferret! The ferret!"
"None of you guys has ever beaten me in an actual fight, you know…" Yuuno commented. "Well, except Chrono, the bastard…"
The three friends glanced at their two more inebriated companions.
"All haaaiiiiiiil!" Zafira and Chrono, arms around the other's shoulders and beers in their free hands, were singing to a tune only they knew. "Daaaarth Ferreeeeet!"
"Seriously, stop that," Yuuno tiredly requested. "Now, where's my jacket…?"
"Huh?" Shirou uttered. "Leaving already?"
"No, no," Yuuno clarified. "Just have to get something for Vita's punishment game."
"Urk." The eloquent response of the loser.
"Yes! Yeeeeeeees!"
"Stop! Screaming like that; it gives me headaches!" Yuuno complained.
What he retrieved from his green jacket was a single piece of folded paper. As it was, it was impossible to figure out its contents.
All sorts of mental alarms were blaring in Vita's head solely from looking at that piece of paper. Yuuno was…he was giving her a frightening feeling. I was nothing ridiculous like 'killing intent', though.
Vita and pretty much anyone who knew Yuuno Scrya would wholeheartedly declare him incapable of wishing the death of someone.
That is, until the Huckebein incident. But that's a story for another time.
What Vita's danger senses were announcing what that this librarian had prepared something particularly cruel for her. She would not underestimate Yuuno's capacity for pettiness ever again.
"You see, Vita-chan…" He was calling her 'chan'! "The librarians who work under my supervision, they are rather intense, umm…gossipers."
Tohsaka Rin gasped. That single sentence told her everything she needed to know. In the current circumstances, taking into account the latest gossip, her boyfriend's 'punishment game' could only possibly be…!
"Oh shit, he found out about tha—!"
Her eyes flashed for a second, sparing but the merest of glances towards the Aces and hoping it would not be caught. They head to cut the connection! The moment those three found out about it, everything would go straight to hell!
Wait, what that precisely what Yuuno intended!? What a bastard!
…gods, she was falling for him all over again.
"Umm…I…" Rin spoke with unusual hesitance while standing up. "…I gotta go…somewhere. Yeah, somewhere. Not here. Yeah. See ya!"
"Restrict Lock."
"Lightning Bind."
"Gah!" the Earth magus grunted against the double magical bind. "I still don't know how to break this kind of spell!"
"Believe me, we know," a smirking Hayate declared. Nanoha's and Fate's devices glinted as if portraying satisfaction with the magic unleashed.
"I believe there is something you want to share with us, Tohsaka-san?" the Mistress of the Night Sky prodded suggestively.
"Ugh…ah, whatever! Yuuno's about to say it anyway! You should be restraining Testarossa, not me!"
"Eh? Me?" the blond Ace innocently poked her bountiful chest with her index finger. "Why me?"
"Why me?" Tohsaka repeated in a rather poor imitation of Fate's delicate voice. "I'll friggin' Gandr you."
"I don't know how, but the people under my command are somehow aware of everything that happens in TSAB," Yuuno continued. "It's almost creepy if you ask me. But anyway."
He offered the piece of paper to Vita, who actually hesitated before reaching for it.
"That is what I want you to purchase."
Taking steps back until her back was leaning on the far wall, Vita unfolded the piece of paper while keeping its contents to herself. The moment it was unfolded, however…
"Buh!" the small girl blurted out, her cheeks taking the color of her hair, albeit slightly. "This is…what the hell!?"
"Hold me, Zafira," Chrono mumbled weakly, leaning against the larger man. The Guardian Beast wordlessly acquiesced and grabbed the young Admiral in a manly hug.
Yuuno's smirk was vicious.
Shirou shook his head as he made his way over to where Vita stood.
"Just what's the big de—buh! What the hell!?"
After the initial impression, Vita made a surprisingly critical examination of the picture. There was something about it that ticked her, aside of the fact that it depicted a naked Emiya Shirou.
It was, indeed, an image of the every person standing next to her, in his birthday suit. He was taking a shower, and his expression showed definite relaxation and pleasure under the running water. Vita guessed that Hayate would explode in one of those disgusting geysers of blood coming out of her nose if she ever saw this picture.
There was a big, wet, 'splooch'-like sound.
"Hayate!" Arf cried out. "We've lost Hayate!"
"Hayate-samaaaaaaaaaa!" Signum called the name of her mistress in alarm. The SS-rank mage's only response was a pitiful twitch in the midst of a pool of her nose blood.
"Oh…oh my...oh wow…" Nanoha's words came out very softly as she…admired the image provided by Reinforce Zwei's projection spell.
"Waaa…" Levi the Slasher murmured in a childish expression of amazement. "It's just like onii-chan's!"
"How do you even know that!?" Amy Harlaown promptly demanded to know.
Attracted by the sudden outburst, Stern the Destructor looked over Levi's shoulder and raised her eyebrows in appreciation.
"Huh, it really is like Chrono-san's."
"It's not just Levi!?"
Please do your best, Amy-san.
"My, I'll have to give it to Emiya-kun this time; that is a most impressive package," Tohsaka Rin declared with a modicum of amusement at the antics around her. "You're trying really hard not to look, huh, Dearche?"
"It-It-It's 'Dearche-ou-sama' for the likes of you, earthworm!" The copy of Yagami Hayate retorted in a slightly high-pitched tone. Her head turned away from the holographic projector, Load Dearche's eyebrows twitched as if she wished for her eyes to defy physics and turn around her head to take a peek. "This great me has no need for such…mu-mu, mundane and grotesque visages!"
"Hu-uh…" The smirking Tohsaka murmured in response. "I wouldn't know about 'grotesque', but that size is definitely not what I'd call 'mundane', really."
"Re-Really?" Load replied quietly, as if hoping only Rin would listen to her. "So it's really as large as that Chrono's…?"
"Raaaaaaaaaaarggh!" Amy Harlaown roared as her mind leaned awfully close to Mad Enhancement.
"You don't seem impressed, Shamal-san," Lindy Harlaown commented as she exchanged grins with the Cloud Knight.
"I'm his doctor; I've seen it countless times."
"Aah."
The picture, obviously taken incognito—there was no way Shirou would approve of being photographed in the buff, as his reaction confirmed—, showed the date and time in small blue letters and numbers by the corner.
That day…
It suddenly clicked in Vita's mind. That was the reason the picture bothered her: those were the shower rooms at the Capital Air Force headquarters! Having used then dozens of times herself, she could recognize them even with the few details the picture showed.
That day, hadn't Emiya showed up during her teaching session and helped her? It had been Vita herself who offered him the use of the showers to refresh himself after the harsh training.
However, that time…she had not invited Emiya to assist her with the training that time. He had just showed up on his own that day, claiming…he had been invited by the Chief of Instructors.
The Chief of Instructors was a woman.
"Don't tell me, helping me was just an excuse!? This is what they were after!?"
The text written under the printout of the picture made everything all the more clear.
"The special 'Emiya Shirou' Edition of the secret 'Hunks of TSAB' photo collection," Yuuno explained. "A highly secretive effort from certain…female parties among the Time-Space Administration Bureau. That picture's just a small sample."
"What the hell!?" Shirou repeated and Vita chuckled.
"You're really the bone of your sword, huh."
"Shu-Shut up!"
"Do…do—don't look at my Shirou!"
"Wah!" The female audience shrieked out as one when one Fate T. Harlaown jumped over the table in a lame attempt at covering the impressive sight.
It's a hologram, Fate-san.
"Gabugh!" In the end the only victim of Fate's belly-flop was Hayate's poor Unison Device.
"Reiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin!" Signum cried out in alarm a second time.
"…oi, Arf," Stern the Destructor then spoke. "Now, doesn't it look like…?"
Fate's familiar took a closer look at what Stern what trying to point out. The small image of Emiya Shirou standing tall and straight while in the buff, his head raised as his face welcomed the gentle shower from above…
The anthropomorphic canine whistled in appreciation. "Way to go, Fate!"
"Eh?" The girl spread on the table murmured as she raised her head. "What do you…?"
She looked over her shoulder, where she was met by the admittedly-smaller virtual figure of the naked Emiya Shirou in the picture, standing behind her shapely rear while frozen in a rapturous expression of enjoyment.
Let it not be said that Fate-san's mind remains pure after many years of attraction to a single man and daily exposure to Yagami Hayate.
"Fate-san has fainted!" Shamal in her position as medic, provided the verdict. It was rather obvious anyway, what with the swirly eyes and the abrupt and rather painful collapse of her face on the table.
All eyes fell in Signum of the Wolkenritter!
"Eh? Ah, um…Faaaaaaaaaaate!"
To be reduced to such a role; you are truly a woman to be pitied, oh proud Knight of the Sword.
But, just as abruptly as she lost consciousness, Fate T. Harlaown twitched.
Carelessly waving the paper in her right hand, Vita snorted.
"So, this is what you want me to get? No biggie," she declared. "If you expected to embarrassment with this—"
"Oh, no, no, no, no, no~" Yuuno shook his head while he chuckled as if delighted by Vita's lack of shame at the prospect of acquiring the derelict photo collection. "I don't want you to be embarrassed, Vita-chan."
"I just want you to hurt."
He made a rather grandiose gesture with his right arm in the general direction of the still-rather-miffed Emiya Shirou.
"Please look at Shirou."
Vita looked down.
"Not at the picture," Yuuno clarified, and Vita turned her eyes leftwards.
"Don't stare at my crotch!"
Vita looked up at the outraged young man with her most charmingly mischievous grin.
"Don't you see—no, don't you feel something…different in him? Something that, perhaps, should not be there?"
"Oooooooh…" Chrono jeered as he winced. "That's just evil, man."
"Dude," Zafira joined in with a somewhat complaining tone.
"Wait, wait, wait!" Shirou looked rather alarmed as he gaped at Yuuno. "You guys knew!?"
"Of course I knew," Yuuno admitted while crossing his arms coolly. "I'm Yuuno Scrya."
The words came as if they perfectly and utterly answered Shirou's question.
"TSAB Admiral," the still-mostly-drunk Chrono Harlaown pointed out.
"You know, being a Master's guardian implies more than just fighting skills," Zafira actually bothered to explain his case. "I'm more surprised Vita didn't—"
"Oi, what's the deal with the tracer, Emiya!?"
"…yeah, that's a little too late, Vita," Zafira concluded.
"Indeed," Yuuno continued. His face clearly showed that he was enjoying every second of this in a vile, vindictive way unusual to him. "While the intensity of your love for videogames is to be commended…"
No, not really.
"…the fact remains that, because of that clairvoyance array, the Aces are now aware of the existence of Emiya Shirou's secret photo collection, full of unique pictures of our friend here in various states of innocent exposure."
"Urk."
"Don't say it like that!" The utterly embarrassed Shirou complained. "I feel violated enough already!"
"Furthermore," Yuuno continued, utterly ignoring his friend's plight. "Because of the obvious secrecy behind the distribution of this content, the paper in your hands is in fact the only written record of the instructions to be followed to acquire a copy of the aforementioned product. It took a lot of effort to get that, so please allow me to give myself a pat on the back."
"Urk," Vita repeated, as she became painfully aware of what the blonde victor was implying, her eyes widening in utmost alarm and imminent horror.
"Incoming dimensional transfer detected," Chrono's Storage Device, S2U, announced in its usual sedate, feminine tone.
"Yeah, that must be Fate," Chrono commented, and Zafira nodded in agreement. Shirou, however, was puzzled.
"Why not Nanoha or Hayate-chan?"
"…naaaah, that's definitely Fate," the dark-haired TSAB mage insisted.
Yuuno offered one last pointed look to his victim.
"…you really should get moving."
"Hiiiiiii—Zafira!"
"On it."
Just a second after Vita disappeared in the familiar sparkle of inter-dimensional transfer, a second set of sparkles marked the arrival of a new guest.
"Fate-san," Yuuno placidly greeted the newcomer clad in her enticing Barrier Jacket and Device in hand.
"Hi Fate," Chrono greeted in more of a drunken slur.
"Where."
"Already gone," Zafira quickly replied.
"…damn it."
Before leaving after the departed Knight of the Hammer, the entity known as Fate Testarossa Harlaown directed an intense look at the object of her affections. She remained silent, her lips unmoving while her round red eyes piercingly struck the somewhat-nervous form of Emiya Shirou.
"…Fate?"
There was no answer. She just stared.
"…um…Fate…san?" Emiya Shirou called again somewhat hesitantly, as if suddenly fearing a response.
No words came out of that young woman's mouth. Her tongue did move, however, sliding over her lips slowly and teasingly while the raunchiest slurping sound escaped her throat. Chrono, Yuuno and Zafira gulped as if they were the ones targeted as pieces to meat to be ravished.
With that eloquent message, Fate departed back to Midchilda to track down one little Belkan knight and the treasure map she carried.
"…well, that was weird," Yuuno commented.
"That was hot," Chrono corrected, seemingly uncaring in his drunkenness of the fact he was referring to his adopted sister.
"Why do I feel like I should deeply, profoundly fear for my personal integrity in the near future?"
"Huh," Yuuno mused. "And people keep saying you're a dense idiot, Shirou"
"Hey!"
"But more importantly…"
"I'm scared here, Yuuno!"
"…don't I get to pick tonight's menu?"
"…Vita should have never let you win," Shirou mumbled with utmost pettiness.
"Sore words from a sore loser~"
"Oh, rot in hell, stupid ferret."
Yuuno's impish grin was quite disarming.
Part II - Ending B
Vita's Victory – Belka's Gift to Mankind
"UWOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH!"
"Headache, headache!" Yuuno whined in response to Chrono's and Zafira's stereo roar. The redhead in the not-quite-a-toga calmly placed the controller on the dining table, for it was no longer needed.
"And thus it is as it should be."
"WHOOOOOOOOAAAAAAHHHH!"
"Gods, do you ever shut up!?"
"THE CHAAAAAAAAAAMMMPIOOOOOOOOOONNNNN!"
"Note to self: invent a deafening spell," Yuuno murmured in a defeated tone. Vita meanwhile crossed her arms before her small chest and preened before the adulation.
"There's truly one and only one Champioooooon!" Chrono announced in his overly loud drunken slur. "All hail Vita! Countess of Calamity!"
"Damn straight."
"The Hammer of Havoc!" Zafira joined in the title calling.
"You know it."
"The Loli of Lovable Laceration!"
"Well of cours—wait, what?"
Chrono and Zafira fell to their knees in worship.
"Viiiiiiiiiitaaaaaaaaa! Viiiiiiiiiiiiiitaaaaaaaaaa!"
Vita glanced at her defeated opponent.
"These guys are completely bonkers."
Yuuno could only shake his head at the two's drunken antics.
"But anyway! Librarian Boy!"
The smirk on her face told Yuuno she was up to no good. However, even if she would not be a mature victor, he would be humble and respectful in defeat.
"What is it, Vita?"
"You know what else starts with an 'L'?"
"Oh, for the gods' sake—what, Vita? What else starts with an 'L'?"
"LOSER! Bwahahahahaha!"
Chrono and Zafira joined in the boisterous laughter like good little lapdogs. Yuuno could only roll his eyes at such wanton idiocy.
"Ahaha, haha…he-hey! Hey, Ferret Boy!"
"Again?" The blond whined pitifully. "What is it, Vita?"
"You know what else starts with an 'F'?"
"What?"
"FAIL! Wahahahahahahaha!"
Yuuno took a deep breath…and sighed. Lengthily and quietly. It would not do to kill his best friends in a fit of animalistic rage, after all.
Across the small dining room, leaning against the short wall that separated from the kitchen, Emiya Shirou had taken the floor as his seat. There, he idly munched on rice crackers. Maybe it was the sound of cookies being bitten that caught Vita's attention.
"Emiya~"
The Champion joyfully pranced across the small room and leapt to the other redhead's lap.
"Oof!" Shirou grunted more out of a sense of 'I should complain' than any actual discomfort. Suddenly he had to look down to meet an adorably childish grin.
"Hey there, handsome. Gimme."
Shirou chuckled with notable merriness.
"As you wish, oh great Champion."
Vita's parted lips received the cookie in Shirou's left hand.
"Hmm…yummeh."
"Glad to see you like it. Now, is there something I can do for you?"
"Oh, there are many things you can do for me, Emiya," Vita responded while she simultaneously traced random shapes on his chest with a single finger in a supposedly 'coy' manner. From any other person it would have seemed rather suggestive. Coming from Vita it looked exactly like what it was: a really big joke.
"I have plans for you, Emiya. Great plans," the small redhead declared, her rapacious grin drawing only an amused smile from the taller one. "But first, let's do something about that tracer on you, alrighty?"
She poked his forehead.
"Ah," Reinforce Zwei uttered lamely. "She dispelled it."
"Mu-muuu…" Nanoha's voice came out adorably whiny, the way only she could pull off. "I want to sit on Shirou's lap too…"
"I want Shirou to feed me cookies too…" Fate pouted as well.
Yagami Hayate sighed.
"PITIFUL FOOLS!"
The other women winced at the sight of the Mistress of the Night Sky harshly slapping her two best friends.
"Bweh!? Wha…?"
"Hayate-chan…?"
"Why are your dreams so small!?" The short-haired mage complained. "Sitting on his lap!? Being fed by him!? Pathetic! Pathetic I say!"
She made a grandiose gesture as if flicking an invisible cape.
"Let me tell you the things I want Shirou-kun to do to me—eeeeeeeh…dizzy…"
"Hayate-sama!" Signum hurried to the side of her mistress after she slumped down like a puppet that lost its strings.
"We have no need for your deviancies, you rotten woman," Rin said as she lowered the hand from which she had shot her signature Gandr.
"Will she be alright…?"
"Nothing you can't heal, Shamal-san."
"Oh, that is interesting," a certain canine familiar suddenly spoke.
"What is it, Arf?" the familiar's master inquired.
"There's a barrier preventing interdimensional transfer to…wow, that's a huge barrier. Those guys really don't us to bother them."
Rin chuckled.
"That Vita really knows how to mess with you three."
"Mu-mu-mu-mu-muuuu…"
Nanoha's sulking only made her look more adorable.
"So, Yuuno! Your punishment!" Vita announced, her toga clad form still firmly attached to Shirou's lap.
"Urk."
"Aaaan~" The Champion presented her open mouth to Shirou.
"Yes, yes, here you go."
Chomp.
"So, yeah…look away, Emiya," Vita demanded before she squeezed her hand between the not-really-a-toga and her flat chest. From there she pulled out a folded piece of paper which she threw in Yuuno's direction.
"There. You are to buy that and give it to that twintail."
"Eh?" Yuuno uttered as he reached for the piece of paper that only made it halfway through the air. "To Rin? What do you want me to give he—buh!? What the—Vita!?"
"Yeah, yeah, just go and get it over with. The guys at the shop are waiting for ya."
Indeed, that shop would already be closed at this late hour. Vita's preparations were awfully thorough.
"Bu-but, this…this is too much, Vita; this is too much! I…I can't…!"
"Be a man, Scrya," Vita sharply intoned. "You lost, so you gotta do as I say."
"But this is—" The exclamation in Yuuno's throat was choked to death as his face went awfully flat and cold. "Why are you two grinning like idiots now?"
Indeed, Chrono and Zafira had read the contents of Vita's paper over Yuuno's shoulder and were now grinning like imbeciles.
"Do iiiiit~" They said.
"Hell no."
"Come oooooon~" The drunken duo insisted. "You gotta do it~"
"Ugh…" Hesitantly, Yuuno looked down at the picture on the piece of paper, and then at the smirking Vita.
"Can I really…?"
The girl's somewhat wicked smirk became something kind and encouraging.
"It's something only Yuuno Scrya can do."
The small girl and the blond explorer and librarian stared at each other, as if looking for the other's hesitation. However, there was nothing but truth in Vita's words, and that truth dispelled whatever nervousness the young man had.
"I…I'm off, then!"
"Have a safe trip~" Vita and the drunken idiots replied to Yuuno's departing form in a sickly sweet tone.
Chrono stumbled and lamely crashed on Zafira's right side.
"Whoa, dizzy…"
"Watch it, dude."
"Oh man, oh man, oh man, we have to be there to see Tohsaka's reaction, Zaffie!"
"Absolutely…and don't call me Zaffie."
It took a few tries, what with the alcohol in his system and all, but Zafira managed to set up the interdimensional transfer spell.
"You comin'?" the Guardian Beast asked the intimately seated couple of friends on the other side of the room. Shirou shrugged, for he was completely lost, but Vita merely shook her head.
"Nah, we're comfy here."
Zafira grinned. "Don't be too rough on the boy, Vita."
It was obviously a private joke, for only Vita returned the grin.
"He's made of swords; he can handle me."
Zafira barks of laughter echoed even a second or two after he and Chrono departed for Mid-Childa.
Like that, the Emiya residence in Fuyuki became rather quiet all of a sudden. Only the somewhat ominous music from the videogame still awaiting the next pair of challengers filled the small dining room in which Emiya Shirou and Vita of the Wolkeritter found themselves suddenly alone.
"Aaaah~"
There was no mood whatsoever, only a selfish girl demanding to be fed. And thus, undisturbed by being alone with a small girl on his lap, Emiya Shirou placidly laughed and put a new cookie in Vita's mouth.
"So, are you going to tell me what's going on?"
Vita told him what Yuuno was supposed to buy for Tohsaka Rin.
Emiya Shirou's jaw dropped.
"You didn't."
"I did."
"You totally did, didn't you?"
"I totally did."
"Why would you do that!?" Shirou exclaimed, but it was more exhilaration than outrage.
"Because I'm just awesome like that."
Emiya Shirou laughed. He laughed like he had not laughed in a very long time. What Vita had done was excessively mean indeed, but he could not help but laugh at the fate that awaited one Tohsaka Rin.
"She's gonna kill him."
"Nah, not really. Maybe just maim him a little," a grinning Vita replied, seemingly reveling in the laughter she had elicited from Shirou. "Nothing Shamal can't heal."
"Right, right…you're really ancient Belka's gift to mankind, aren't you, Vita?"
"To mankind and all dimensions. Cookie."
"Yeah, yeah."
Rather than the intimate embrace of a lover, Vita was like an arrogant pet cat sprawled on Shirou's lap and demanding to be fed.
"We have to watch when Yuuno meets Tohsaka," Shirou decided, and Vita agreed with a nod.
"No biggie. I can trace the spell Rein put on you back to the source. It will take a while for Yuuno to make it there, so we still have some time before I make the remote view."
Shirou raised an eyebrow.
"Wait, you can do that?"
"Oi," Vita's smile disappeared and became an inquisitive glare. "Why are you looking at me like I'm supposed to be just an idiot with a hammer? Just because we call ourselves 'Knights' doesn't mean we can't use any fancy-ass party trick spells!"
"I-I didn't…you were the one who said that back then! That 'idiot with a hammer thing'!"
"That was a burst of the moment thing!" Vita fiercely clarified. "I happen to be a woman of many talents!"
"Like Mortal Kombat."
"Like Mortal Kombat," the small knight repeated. "Among other things."
"Such as?"
Vita glared at the smiling boy for the subtle challenge.
"Well…um…I, well…I can tie a knot on a cherry stalk with my tongue."
"Oh, that you have to show me."
Vita raised an eyebrow.
"Are you hitting on me, Emiya?"
The two guffawed at the same time; a brief and boisterous laugh before exploding into a milder succession of extended laughter.
"Ahahaha, man…so, you getting off my lap?"
"You gonna cook something tasty for me?"
"…sure, why not?"
"You got a deal!"
"Hi-ho~oooooowaaaaooooaaah…man, I'm drunk as fuck," Chrono announced himself rather shamelessly.
Amy's greeting to her husband was anticipated by a far more exuberant young woman.
"Onii-chan!" Levi the Slasher called out as she leapt to tackle the object of her affections.
"Whoa! Levi!" Chrono stumbled several steps back when capturing the copy of Fate in his embrace. "Watch it; onii-chan can't really stand properly right—whoa. Holy shit."
Levi tilted her head cutely, her hair swaying along with the motion.
"What is it, onii-cha—kyah!" The blue-haired girl trembled when Chrono tenderly stroked the left side of her head with his right hand.
"Levi."
"Wha-wha—what is it, onii-chan?" Levi's voice had softened under the unexpected treatment. Her cheeks tinted a deep red; the lovely magical clone looked up at her caretaker with hopeful expectation.
"I. Fucking. Love. Your Twintails."
To the Slasher, coming from Chrono, that was a compliment of the highest level. Her eyes brimmed with unadulterated joy.
"Really!?"
"Fuck yes. Twintail moé, fucking banzai."
"Banzai!" Levi repeated before hugging Chrono as tightly as she could, which is far pretty damn tight.
Chrono leaned his head towards Levi's right ear.
"But don't tell Amy," he whispered loudly in what he thought was a secretive tone. "She will hurt me."
"Okay!" Levi agreed with the same loud whispering voice, pretty much assuming the whole thing was a silly game and playing along.
A distance away, Amy Harlaown stared evenly at her hopelessly drunk husband.
"Shouldn't you do something about that?" Tohsaka Rin suggested, even if her grin spoke volumes of what she truly thought of the whole scene.
"I'll get him tomorrow morning, when the hangover's messing with his head."
"Ouch," Rin said to that. "That's harsh; I'll give that to you."
Fate quietly wondered if Shirou would prefer it if she kept her classic twintails. She had taken to let her hair loose these last few years, switching to her old hairdo only when activating her Barrier Jacket.
"Ku-Ku—Chrono Harlaown!"
It was Load Dearche who stomped her way to where the drunken mage and the magical construct were still locked in a nice embrace.
"Wha-wha-why would you do such a thing as praise the likes of the Slasher as soon as you make act of presence! This great Load Dearche here should be the one and only object of your attention the moment you are in her presence!"
"Urgh…"
"Ni-ha-ha!" Levi giggled in delight. "Onii-chan, that tickles!"
"You sure you want to wait until morning?" Rin inquired of Amy.
"Grrrrrr…"
"I…don't get what you're saying, Load…"
"Muuuu…I'll telling you to praise me!"
"No way."
"Gaaaaaah!" For a second there it seemed like the Material girl was about to rip out her white hairs. "Why not!?"
"Don' wanna. You're not nice like Levi."
"Ehehehe, onii-chan~"
"Yup, who's a good girl? Petting, petting~" Chrono coddled the twin-tailed girl, petting her blue hair with unusual gentleness from him.
"Munyaaan~" Levi purred under the delightful attention.
"Grrrrr…hmph!" Load finally turned her back to Chrono with a snobbish sound of dismissal. "Fine! Have it your way! If you cannot even recognize my greatness, then I…I-I, I do-don't need praise from the likes of you!"
"Aaah, don't worry; I think your dishonest haughtiness is adorable as well, Load."
"Wha—Why do you suddenly praise me the moment I tell you not to!?"
It's tsundere-moé, Load-san.
"Uuuu—I need to sit down," Zafira said just before slumping on the place where his Master had been seated until just minutes before, next to Fate T. Harlaown.
"Aaah! That's my seat, you bastard!" Chrono cried out. "Wait, where's Hayate?"
"She has to lie down for a while," Tohsaka Rin shamelessly declared.
"…huh."
"Why are you guys even here?" Arf asked, her eyes falling on Zafira's form. "And where are the others?"
Chrono grinned; all the while his eyes looked for a place where he could sit down.
"Yuuno's on his way, so we had to be here. We left Vita with Emiya at his place."
"Bweh?" Nanoha perked up at that. "You mean, like, alone? Together?"
Zafira laughed at that.
"Only you silly girls would worry about something like that." He rolled his eyes. "But if you have so little confidence in your man, just set up another remote view spell; there's a tracer in Emiya's dining table."
Nanoha and Fate exchanged determined glances.
"Rein, please!" They demanded in a single voice.
"You're supposed to feel bad about it!" Zafira promptly cried out at the women's shamelessness.
And so, while Yuuno purchased whatever it was Vita demanded of him, the group distracted itself by rudely spying on Emiya Shirou and Vita of the Wolkenritter.
"Where are they…?" Nanoha muttered while the remote view slowly spun around from the perspective of the center of the low table.
They found Shirou at the place he favored the most. They could only see has back as he busied himself in cooking.
"So she did make him cook for her after all," Lindy concluded. "Can't blame her."
"Where's Vita…?" Signum pondered, just before the red knight's voice reached them through the spell.
"Emiyaaaaaaaa~"
"Wagh!"
"Emiya~" The girl had latched to his side like a leech, wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms around his torso. "Nihihi~"
"I can't cook like this, Vita," Shirou idly commented, utterly uncaring of having a little girl wrapped around him.
"Is it done?"
"It hasn't been three minutes! I'm not a miracle-maker."
"Can't you just, dunno, magic it up or something?"
"As you already know, my Reality Marble is Unlimited Blade Works. As in, weapons only."
"I've seen you made shields as well."
"Let's not go into semantics here. And get off me, please."
Vita did as told, standing next to Shirou to get a glimpse of what he was fixing up on the stove.
"Smells good, at least."
"Food should be an experience for all the senses," Shirou explained as he reached for his spice cabinet. "Even the sounds of cooking should appeal to those who listen to them. Good to see you changed back to real clothes."
"Aah," Vita replied, for she was now wearing the combination of white t-shirt, black skirt and thigh-highs she used to often wear in her first years under Hayate's service. "That toga was gonna slip off any second now. We really don't need those kinds of scenes."
"I can't believe I do have a friend with common sense, after all."
"Hey, I'm chock full of common sense! Who do you think is the voice of reason around that insane mistress of mine?"
"Signum?"
"…yeah."
For a while, there were only the sounds of cooking as Shirou made his culinary performance.
"…so, are you just going to stand there, or are you going to help me?"
"Whoa," Tohsaka Rin uttered. "Emiya-kun, sharing the kitchen? That's huge."
"Mu-mu-mu-mu-muuuuuuu!"
"Stop that ridiculously adorable anger of yours, Takamachi."
"It's not such a big deal," Chrono commented while he was handed a wet cloth by Levi…for some reason. "Emiya and Ferret cook together all the time."
"My boyfriend has a name, you know…" Rin commented, and then paused. "Eh? Seriously?"
"Bweeeeeh!? Wi-wi, with Yuuno-kun too!?"
"What's with that disturbing 'doki-doki, waku-waku' face, Nanoha!?" Chrono cried in undiluted horror as he inched away from the Aces of Aces.
"…I want to cook with Shirou too…" A moody Fate muttered bitterly, but nobody heard her.
"Wait, wait, wait, I—I can't do the cooking thing! No way!" A suddenly nervous Vita jerked away from the stove as if it were some dangerous Lost Logia.
"Why not?" Shirou calmly inquired. He was not one to mock a person's lack of skills.
"I've never done that kind of stuff! I wouldn't know what to do!"
"You'd just do what I tell you to do. I'm sure you can do that."
"I-I—Why should I play along with that sick dominating fetish of yours!?"
"What the hell ever gave you that idea!?"
"Hmph!" Vita stubbornly crossed her arms across her chest. "Besides, I'm an 'eater', not a 'cooker'."
"You would be a terrible, terrible wife, Vita."
"Meh." The girl shrugged. "Even if nobody ever wanted me, you'd definitely take me."
"Why would I even want to do that!?"
"Oi!" The girl exclaimed in mock complaint. "I could totally make you happy!"
"With that kind of attitude, I seriously doubt it!" Shirou promptly replied. "And it would be like, marrying Yuuno! Too creepy!"
"And Tohsaka would kill you." Vita concluded with a nod. "But anyway, if you became my wife, you'd get to do all the cooking you'd like. Isn't that great?"
"It's not supposed to work like that!" Shirou stated. "And you just made an outrageous switch of titles, didn't you!? Didn't you!?"
Vita mock-gasped. "Don't tell me, you'd actually leave your wife to handle the cooking if you got married?"
"What? Of course not; the kitchen's mine."
The girl's face went flat. "You're completely hopeless, Emiya."
"And you're utterly without shame, Vita," Shirou replied with a faint smile.
Vita's face contorted into an ear-to-ear, open-mouthed grin.
"It's because I love you~"
"Because I feed you."
"Because you feed me~"
"See? Totally shameless."
"It's your fault!" Vita exclaimed with disturbingly gleaming eyes. "You seduced me! With your food!"
"With my food."
"With your food!" The girl repeated.
"I'm pretty sure I never did anything of the sort. I've cooked for dozens of people."
"Truly, your libido knows no end and cares for no taboo, Emiya."
"Oi!"
Vita laughed merrily before pulling the short sleeves of her t-shirt over her shoulder.
"So, what do I do?"
Like that, the Aces—once again joined by Yagami Hayate—and their friends were exposed to the scene of Emiya Shirou and Vita of the Wolkenritter cooking together while shooting jabs at each other with relentless abandon.
"They…have the weirdest friendship I've ever seen."
You're not precisely an expert on friendships, Tohsaka-san.
"Yeah, those two are special," Zafira admitted. "Vita gets along great with all of us, but Shirou is definitely special. He's 'the person she has sworn to protect', after all." He shrugged. "Just like the rest of us, I guess."
Zafira and the other two Wolkenritter in the room exchanged telling looks. While Signum and Shamal did not share Vita's closeness to the sword-maker, they agreed with her on that, as the man their mistress had chosen, his life, safety and happiness were of the utmost priority for them.
"They're just childish in their own, clumsy way," Lindy commented. "Really, Fate; no matter what you think or see, you have absolutely nothing to fear from that girl—"
Completely unaware of the conversation going on entire dimensions away, Vita cannot be blamed for being unhelpful to her own cause.
"You're wasted on those three, Emiya. Be mine!" The girl's voice was like the resounding command of a king, and it drowned the room with its volume.
The living room of Takamchi Nanoha's residence in Mid-Childa was then struck by an uncomfortable silence. At least, until Nanoha spoke.
"I am the bone of my Device."
Her voice was intense and ominous, like nothing they had heard before.
"Starlight her body," Fate continued. "And magic is her blood."
"I have conjured over a thousand bombardments."
"Unaware of pause, nor aware of restraint," Fate (?) continued the disturbing chant.
"Withstood pain to collect immeasurable energy."
"Waiting for the hated one's appearance."
Nanoha nodded grimly, as if approving of her best friend's proposed line.
"I have no regrets."
"This is the only path," Fate added.
"Her whole life will be, Unlimited Starlight Breakers—ow."
The chant was broken by a paper fan appearing out of…somewhere for Tohsaka Rin to smack the two Aces on the back of their heads.
"Don't twist his aria into something scary!"
Credit goes to the talented Magus for handling the tsukkomi this time.
Twenty minutes later.
Vita of the Wolkenritter squirmed in delight!
"Oooooh~" She moaned in ways a little girl should not be allowed to. "This stew is too good! Are you sure it's not finished?"
"Fairly sure," Shirou said. "So stop eating it. And don't say rude things about my friends."
"But they don't appreciate your food the way I do, Emiya!"
"You mean they're not gluttons like you, huh. That's true."
"Hey! I can totally be nicer to you than Nanoha."
"That's not very hard."
Vita snickered. It was not very often that Emiya Shirou made that kind of joke.
"But, Vita, it's hopeless," Shirou declared in a somber tone. "You can't overcome Nanoha. Nobody can."
"Hmm…so you do love her, after all."
Shirou made a face of sound amusement. "Have…I ever denied it?"
"…even more than me."
"Especially more than you!"
Vita grinned. She kinda liked making Shirou lash out like that. It was funny and it reminded her of Hayate—she wondered if it was something all Japanese could do.
"But, damn, you have it tough, don't ya?" Vita continued speaking even as she left the kitchen to set up the table as per Shirou's instruction. "I mean, if you have already chosen Nanoha—"
"I never said anything about 'choosing' anyone, Vita."
The girl paused on her tracks for an instant, for multiple reasons.
"Haa…so that's how it is."
"Yeah," Shirou admitted in a defeatist tone. "I know it's not right of me, but I…"
"Ah, no, Emiya, that's not what I meant," the girl knight interrupted him. "We…should no longer talk about this."
Shirou was a bit confused by the sudden sternness in her tone, but he just acquiesced.
"O…kay…?"
Vita placed the dishes on the table and tapped the flat surface one before offering a charming smile to the young chef.
"Come on; let's get everything ready so we can enjoy watching Yuuno make a fool of himself."
"Haa…sorry to intrude…" One Yuuno Scrya invited himself into Takamachi Nanoha's house. He did not seem to be carrying anything with himself. "Is Rin still here…huh?"
He arrived to a strangely gloomy room. It was a rather turbulent mixture of emotions that welcomed him, but he could palpate the overally negative mood that seemed to permeate the place.
"She…she was mad, wasn't she?" Hayate murmured.
"I think the word you're looking for is 'murderous', Hayate-san," Stern the Destructor corrected.
The last thing they group had seen before the remote view spell was dispelled was Vita's eloquent opinion of their invasion of privacy. Her face had told them exactly what she thought of their intrusion into hers and Shirou's conversation.
Her revenge would be extensive and merciless.
"Nanoha…" Fate planted a hand on her best friend's left shoulder. The Ace of Aces had hidden her eyes behind the front locks of her brown hair. She had dropped her face and her shoulders were pushed forward and against her body.
"…sorry…"
"Um?"
Nanoha sniffed.
"…I'm sorry, Fate-chan…I…I know I should be like this, but…but I…"
The young woman showed her tear-stricken face to her blond friend.
"I just can't stop crying…!"
"Nanoha…"
Yuuno suddenly felt rather uncomfortable. While the most empathic of the women—as in, not the Materials—moved to comfort the girl who could not decided between feeling joy or despair, the librarian subtly inched towards the closer person who could provide him with an explanation.
"Uhh…what did I miss?"
"We spied on Shirou confessing to Vita that he loves Nanoha," Arf promptly summarized the whole deal.
"Ah." He nodded, understanding why that would lead to such a state of affairs. "Yeah, so I guess I come at a bad time. Don't mind me~"
A hand clamped on his shoulder from behind before he could make his exit.
"Ara, Yuuno-kun, why the hurry~"
"Ugh."
Turning around, he was met by Tohsaka Rin's many-faced smile.
"I believe you have something for me~" She said, her face making it clear that she would revel in his personal humiliation…not that he did not know this already. His girlfriend was just that kind of person—he would never say it to her face, but she had a lot more in common with her former guardian than she believed.
"Ugh…really, it's not nice to eavesdrop, Rin," a rather uncomfortable Yuuno scolded in a weak tone.
"No, no, no; no changing the topic, dear."
A distance away, Chrono and Zafira exchanged identically wicked grins. As the only ones who know exactly what Yuuno had purchased, they knew this situation would not last much longer.
"Rin, really, you don't want me to show this to you—"
"Leave that for Rin-sama to decide," the twin-tailed Japanese beauty insisted as she leaned coyly in Yuuno's direction, her somewhat predatory grin urging Yuuno to bolt away and never look back. "Come on, I wanna see~"
"You just want to embarrass me!"
"Now, don't say that. That's obviously Vita's job today~"
Surprising even Rin, Yuuno's face softened and relaxed instead growing further flustered.
"Somehow…I no longer think that."
Rin was startled when the frustrated young librarian scratched his head with frustration and desperation.
"Aaaah, mou! I'll get you for this!"
"You'll get who…?" Arf wondered.
"I don't know! But that person so getting it!"
Yuuno shoved his right hand in the inside pocket of his long green coat.
"Here you go, sheesh!" The boy's stubbornness was rather cute. He shoved something small on Rin's chest.
The moment Rin's fingers touched the velvet her heart skipped a beat as she realized it could only be that.
"Eh?" It was the best reaction she could muster, really.
"Whoaaaaaaaaahhh!" This time it was not Chrono and Zafira. It was almost everyone but those two; the women's reaction to the revelation of the petite ring box in Tohsaka Rin's hand.
"So…yeah," Yuuno said as he did his awful best to look at anywhere but his girlfriend. "That's…for you. Umm, if you want it."
"You really suck at this, Yuuno," Arf commented.
"I didn't get to practice for this!"
"You could have asked Vita to help you practice~"
"I'll hit you, Arf! I normally don't hit women, but I really want to hit you right now!"
"…bweh?" Rin uttered as her speech centers still refused to work properly.
"Muu…that's my cutesy expression…"
You have plenty of those, Nanoha-san.
"So…umm…" Yuuno grimaced and scratched the back of his head. "You…you keeping it?"
"Eh…?"
Tohsaka Rin had been utterly and completely disarmed. Looking back on it, she would acknowledge it as the most embarrassing moment in her life; the one instance when she completely lost her cool in public. She was just so pathetic. Her eyes wide open danced between the stupidly glittering pupils of the three Aces, the annoying smirks of the other women and the creepy grins on the drunken Chrono and Zafira.
"Ah…uh…this…this is…this is what Vita made you…"
"Yeah."
Why did her face feel so smotheringly hot? Rin wondered.
"Ah…huh…so…"
"He's waiting for an answer, Rin-san."
Twin-tails danced when the magus and researcher glared at Amy just a step behind her and to her left.
"I know that! I…I just…uuuuuugh…"
Planting her free right hand on her face, Rin sighed tiredly in a mostly failed attempt to dispel her maelstrom of emotions. Stupid butterflies in her stomach, die already!
Yuuno was still waiting for an answer when a hand fell on his shoulder. He glanced at the stupid grin on Chrono's face.
"…what."
"Now we'll be True Brothers in Suffering~"
"I don't want to be 'True' anything with you! And don't say things that will make them angry, you idiot drunkard!"
"You're really something, did you know that? Making Yuuno propose," Shirou said after swallowing the rice in his mouth. He had to work fast if he didn't want Vita devouring everything he had prepared.
"Nihihi~" The smallest of the Cloud Knights chuckled at the successful completion of her evil plan. "It was about time he stopped walking rounds around that issue. He just needed a little push."
"Since when do you play matchmaker, anyway?"
"Since I realized it would be amusing," Vita shamelessly admitted. "Now let's do something about Zafira and Arf."
"Stop that!"
"Oh, oh, and then you'd be next, Emiya! I'd have to do something special for you."
"Please don't."
"Score all the heroines."
"Stay away from me, you corrupting little girl!"
Corrupting or whatever, Vita of the Wolkenritter was one very happy young lady.
OMAKE – END