This is Cartoon Network Vs Family Guy as these two woman charmers go head to head. This is also my final Death Battle story before going to my DBX stories. And the first DBX to be released is Vixen Vs Primrose. Vote for who you want to win in the reviews. And for the song's cover title: Giggity Bravo. Plus, this story may contain adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.
(One intro song later)
Boomstick: Woman charming takes, well, being charming, and understanding the woman's feelings, as well as more than that.
Wiz: But, these two combatants don't really understand being charming. They both go down in history as self-proclaimed Womanizers, so let's have them fight to the death.
Boomstick: Johnny Bravo, the muscular womanising stud of Cartoon Network.
Wiz: And Glenn Quagmire, the heartless sex hound of Family Guy.
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyse their weapons, armour, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.
(Johnny Bravo)
Wiz: Cartoon Network, a channel that created shows that were a part of almost everyone's childhood.
Boomstick: From a show about a pink cowardly Dog, to a foster home involving imaginary friends, to the Grim Reaper befriending two children. But, there is one show we're covering here, and the show's main character, Johnny Bravo.
Johnny: Enough about you, let's talk about me, Johnny Bravo.
Background:
* Full name: Johnathan Bravo
* Birthday: February 14th 1976
* Age (today) 53
* Height: Unknown
* Weight: Unknown
* Once solved a mystery with the Scooby Gang
* Has a 'history' with Animals
* Once met Samurai Jack at a laundry mat
* Was once worthy of Mjolnir (seriously)
Wiz: But before he got those muscles, he was actually quite slim. Not only was he raised by his single mother, he once asked his school crush to a prom, and to not make her feel bad, he trained his socks off to build up his muscles, now he's a muscular, self-proclaimed ladies man.
Boomstick: He's a role model! That's what he is!
Wiz: Unfortunately, the girl he asked to Prom moved away, which lead to Johnny wanting to find other girls to date him.
Boomstick: And with his muscles and abilities, what woman would not want to?
Abilities:
* Martial Arts
* Toonforce
* Time/Heat/Radiation Manipulation
* Possession Resistance
* Telepathy/Mind Manipulation
* Fourth Wall Awareness
* GREATEST LADIES CHARMER
Wiz: He can resist extreme heats, stretch his limbs, resist being possessed, and is a wielder of Toonforce. Making him aware of the fourth wall and the greatest ladies cha.. Wait! Who wrote this?
Johnny: Whoa mama! Who are you guys?
Boomstick: Oh great, we got another one.
Johnny: What? You've never met anyone as good looking as me before?
Wiz: It's not that, we've had a fourth wall breaker here before.
Johnny: Oh yeah, huh?
Boomstick: It's a long story.
Johnny: Well, I'll leave you to talk about my awesomeness! (Leaves.)
Wiz: Whew, he's gone. Anyways, not only does he have those special abilities, Johnny has done some incredible things in his life.
Feats:
* Caught a 900 lbs Gorilla
* Tunneled through the Great Wall Of China
* Walked from China to Africa in 19 seconds
* Survived a nuke that was as powerful as the Sun
* Let out of a 450 degree room with no ill side effect
* Can shrug off Volcano blasts
* Dug through the Earth's Core
* Survived an explosion that launched him into orbit
* WON THE HEARTS OF MILLIONS OF LADIES
Boomstick: This guy can tunnel through the freakin' Great Wall Of China like it's nothing! With his hair, which can grow back after being cut off! Not to mention he dug through the Earth's Core! Which would incinerate you before you could even get halfway there!
Wiz: He can run fast enough to reach Africa from China in a matter of seconds, and survived a Nuke that was a powerful as the almost 10,000 degrees Sun! He's more powerful than I gave him credit for!
Boomstick: Plus, he can't be possessed!
Wiz: That feat is probably linked to his greatest weakness. Johnny is kind of an idiot.
Weaknesses:
* Moronic
* Easily distracted by women
* Cowardly and lazy
* Has a huge ego
Boomstick: Yeah, he's not the smartest ladies charmer out there, although he WAY more than makes up for it with those feats of his.
Wiz: Regardless of his lack of wisdom, Johnny is a Cartoon Network legend, and has earned the title of most unique fictional ladies charmer.
Johnny: Do the monkey with me! Come on! (Turns to lady) Hey there, baby. Oof! Ahh! Yeah, whatever.
(Glenn Quagmire)
Wiz: Quahog, Rhode Island. A City in the US with tons of great Family Guy characters, and Meg.
Boomstick: A cop in a wheelchair, a man who picks fights with a giant yellow chicken, and tons of other great characters.
Wiz: Then, there's a character who values sex over everything else. The plane pilot, Glenn Quagmire.
(Song: He's Quagmire! Quagmire! You never really know what he's gonna do next. He's Quagmire! Quagmire!)
Quagmire: Giggity, giggity, giggity, giggity, let's have sex!
Background:
Full name: Glenn Quagmire
Age: 61
Height: Unknown
Weight: Unknown
Retired US navy officer
Plane pilot
Has a fear of Halloween
Had sex over 1,000 times
Wiz: Quagmire is, a certainly unique character from Family Guy, being a plane pilot, and has had sex over 1,000 times...
Boomstick: WAIT! He had sex over 1,000 times?! Now we have two role models in this battle!
Wiz: Well, I wouldn't exactly call him that.
Johnny: I call him a chump.
Boomstick: Will you get out of here?!
Johnny: Don't forget to fave and follow this story! (Runs off.)
Abilities:
Weapons expert (a pistol)
Immunity to all diseases and strangling
Broadway force (whatever that is)
Dream manipulation
Toonforce
Vehicular mastery
His penis can open handcuff locks
Wiz: *ahem* Despite his 'sexual history', Quagmire has some incredible abilities.
Boomstick: Aside from his 'you know what', that can cut through handcuff locks mind you, he has incredible stamina 'I think I know how', he can take beating from the police officer, Joe, and he's fast enough to match Brian Griffin, who could keep up with a speeding truck, and jump in front of a bullet when it was fired by a agun not too far away from him, and the person he was protecting.
Wiz: While those are impressive abilities, he also possesses impressive feats.
Feats:
Open a handcuff with his thing
Took a beating from Joe
Can match Brian Griffin's speed (Who could match a speeding truck)
Had sex over 1,000 times
Is comparable to, but weaker than Peter Griffin
Boomstick: He could match, barely since he's weaker, Peter Griffin's strength, and he fought with a giant yellow chicken all the time, could take aalot of hits, and is immune to every known disease, and is even immune to being strangled! How does he do that?
Wiz: I think you can guess, Boomstick. However, Quagmire has his flaws.
Weaknesses:
Mainly thinks with his meat
His greatest asset can be 'removed' and required assistance to get a new one
Can get cocky
Has never shown more 'impressive' combat related feats
Boomstick: This guy got his thing bitten off by a shark, which was the worst thing that could of ever happened to him, and it couldn't grow back.
Wiz: He required a new penis, which he got from his father due to his gender change. But regardless of all that, Glenn Quagmire still continues to be one of the most unique characters in fictional history.
Boomstick: Who else but Quagmire?
(Song: He's Quagmire! Quagmire!)
Quagmire: Giggity, giggity, goo!
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set, let's end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!
(The battle)
The scene was a bar near a beach. Johnny was on one side of it with his mother, Pops, and Carl, while Quagmire was on the other side with Peter, Joe, and Cleveland respectively. Suddenly, a beautiful woman walks into the bar. Johnny and Quagmire notice the woman.
"Whoa, mama!" Johnny said.
"All right." Quagmire said.
The two both go to greet the woman.
"Hey, how would you like..." They both said, simultaneously, before noticing each other.
"Hold on there, man, I saw her first!" Johnny said.
"Back off, you probably only want her for sex!" Quagmire replied.
"I'll leave you two to sort this out yourselves." The woman said, leaving the room.
(FIGHT!)
Quagmire grabbed a beer bottle, and tried to smash it on Johnny, who countered with a gut-punch, and kicked him to the ground. Johnny walked over to land another punch, only for Quagmire to counter with a kick to the groin, then an uppercut.
"Do you even respect women?" Asked Quagmire.
"Respect this!" Replied Johnny, landing a punch, knocking him across the bar, and into a wall.
Johnny then pulled out his comb, and threw it at Quagmire. It stuck itself into Quagmire's shoulder. Johnny then ran over, grabbed Quagmire, and kneed him into the kitchen, extracting his comb beforehand. Quagmire peeked through a window between the bar and the kitchen, and started throwing kitchen utensils at Johnny.
Johnny was able to dodge all those utensils by doing multiple poses. He then lunged at Quagmire, and the two fist fought in the style of Peter Griffin's fights with the giant yellow chicken. At one point, Quagmire grabbed a glass shard, and used it to slice off Johnny's hair, which instantly grew back. Suddenly, they knocked over a pot of water, which splashed onto an electrical socket, causing a short-circuit.
The people in the bar noticed the static, and all ran out of the bar, except Johnny and Quagmire, who didn't notice. Suddenly, an explosion was caused, and Johnny and Quagmire were blasted into the sky. While they were in the air, Johnny grabbed Quagmire, and threw him onto the sand on the beach, then dabbed after landing on the beach himself.
Johnny walked over to Quagmire, held him into the air by the collar of his shirt, then punched him into a rock. After getting up from the ground, Quagmire pulled out his pistol, and fired it at Johnny. However, the bullets didn't really do much damage to Johnny, who then ran over, a kicked the pistol out of Quagmire's hands.
"Had enough yet, bud?" Asked Johnny. "I'm too much for you."
"I'm not done yet, Jackass!" Quagmire replied. "I'm a pilot!"
"Well, let's see you fly!" Johnny replied.
And with that, Johnny landed a powerful uppercut, which launched Quagmire high into the air like a rocket. Johnny jumped into the air high enough to catch up to Quagmire, and landed a series of punches, which Quagmire returned.
Suddenly, the two noticed that they were flying over a volcano. As quick as he could, Johnny punched through Quagmire's face, making a huge hole where Quagmire's face was. Johnny then grabbed what was left of Quagmire, and began spinning in the air.
"See ya, pal!" Yelled Johnny.
Johnny then threw Quagmire head first into the Volcano. The Volcano's shock wave knocked Johnny away. Johnny landed back onto the beach, and Quagmire's arm landed in front of him. Johnny began striking multiple poses.
"Oh yeah, mama! I win!" Johnny said, posing.
(K.O.!)
Johnny: Oh yeah! Oh yeah! I won this Death Battle finale! RedHood123 was right once again! Say, Wiz and Boomstick, and DiamondPickle994, tell the readers how I beat that loser.
Wiz: Don't tell us how to do this. Now, Quagmire was a unique character, but Johnny was the much better one for this battle in more than one ways. Although, Quagmire had more combat experience, and could possibly outsmart Johnny if given the chance, thanks to his bigger fighting history, and greater smarts.
Boomstick: Although, those feats hardly mattered, I mean, I know Quagmire could open a handcuff lock, but Johnny tunneled through the Great Wall Of China like it's nothing! Not to mention, the fact he made it to China from Africa in 19 seconds definately gives his the speed advantage. Plus, the nuke he survived was as powerful as the goddamn sun! Which is a much greater feat than anything Quagmire survived. Glenn was fucked from the start!
Wiz: Now, the main matchup was between Johnny's hair and Quagmire's penis. When Quagmire's dick was cut off by a shark, it never grew back. But when Johnny's hair is cut off, it grows back at a fast rate. And Quagmire lost his cock to a Shark, and because Johnny is stronger and faster than Quagmire, it's reasonable to believe his hair could overpower Quagmire's privates.
Boomstick: Also, let's face it. Quagmire's greatest asset could only be powered by you-know-what. I always knew Quagmire was a great character, but Johnny is just ridiculous. Must be something in those glasses or hair.
Wiz: Quagmire was a unique character, indeed, but Johnny's superior strength, durability, speed, and arsenal were more than enough to take down Family Guy's heartless sex hound for good.
Boomstick: Looks like the victor of this battle has earned a 'Bravo' for his win, because his opponent is Giggity-Giggity-Gone!
Wiz: The winner is Johnny Bravo.