It had been a tense few weeks.
They were forced to stay around the Glap Flap nebula system, while the portal guns were restored to functionality. It was a tedious task, which had Rick more on edge, than usual; his moods had become increasingly unpredictable as time passed.
That was nothing new to Myra; she was used to spending long periods of uncertainty with him; Squanchy and Bird Person could not escape it, however.
They were staying on a planet, not too far away from where their battle had taken place- all deciding it was better to lay low, rather than risk another Federation invasion. The planet was small, mostly consisting of swamp; though there was a decent, sentient population, who had at least discovered the perks of drinking fermented beverages. Which improved Rick's mood, to say the least.
They all sat around a dimly illuminated bar, staring into their drinks with weary eyes as Rick cackled at every, little thing.
"Jesus, look at that guy's face!" He snorted, pointing to an alien creature, who looked like his face was melting on one side. "L-looks like someone had crazy, explosive diarrhea o-on the left side of his head!" He grinned, nudging Myra for a response.
"Yeah… it kind of does." She shrugged apathetically, swirling the thick, orange liquid in her wooden cup.
Rick frowned, gulping down another drink, "W-what's crawled inside you and died?" He frowned, suddenly annoyed.
Myra exchanged a look with Bird Person and Squanchy and Rick frowned even more.
"W-what's with that look?" He frowned, glaring at them.
"Nothing." Myra frowned, "We just think it's been… a long time. Pers is desperate to get Fanny back… Squanchy needs some more cat-tail and… well… you have Diane to get back to…" She sipped her drink awkwardly, suddenly choking on the gelatinous liquid.
Rick raised his brow, clearly expressing annoyance, "Oh… I see how it is…"
"I've made the portal fluid…" Myra frowned, "Bird Person and Squanchy are only a week or two away from their planetary system… They can leave at any time… if they grab a ship and go." She said, nodding her head towards them, "In fact, I'd highly recommend that they do…"
Rick made a disgusted noise, "Please, by all means." He made a sweeping gesture towards the door, "Fucking leave… l-last time I checked, I was the only one with the capability o-of fixing the portal gun… I don't appreciate being rushed."
Myra frowned at him, "No-one is rushing you, Sanchez." She gave a slight shrug of her shoulders, "Simply that we are getting… exhausted…"
"Mhmm.." Rick frowned at her, cocking his brow slightly, "T-there's still a few tweaks that t-the thing needs before.."
"Take your time." Myra sighed, "We're simply stating that it might be faster for us to get on a ship and…"
"Y-yeah?" He slammed his cup on the table in annoyance, "T-that would take you and I YEARS to get back to Earth, Morty!" He scowled, "T-then I'd have a grown-ass child walking around… w-who wouldn't even know me!" He stood up in a huff, shoving the table slightly as he did so. "Y-you know what, I don't need this bullshit." He frowned, flipping them off as he stormed out of the bar.
Myra shook her head slightly, taking another sip of her drink, before she met Bird Person and Squanchy's irritated eyes.
She frowned at them, "Why is it always on me?" She frowned at them, "I'm sick of you guys making me responsible for him!" She frowned, standing up in a huff, "He's a grown-ass man, guys! So are you… come to think of it!"
Bird Person and Squanchy remained silent and she let out a series of curses as she set off after Rick. The weather outside was heinous; the entire planet was constantly dealing with huge deluges. The rain poured in fat droplets, and she was soaked through almost instantly.
She scowled to herself, setting off for the small building on the outskirt of the township where they were currently occupying. It took several minutes, but she arrived, already soaked and feeling increasingly pissed.
Myra practically threw open the door and met the annoyed glare of Rick, who was reclining in a chair playing a make-shift guitar.
"AHA!" She pointed her finger at him accusingly, "I knew you were blowing the repairs off!" She snapped irritably, striding towards him to yank the instrument from his grasp.
Rick blinked lazily in response, "Fuck you." He frowned, "Maybe I don't feel like working on it tonight." He frowned.
Myra laughed in disbelief, "I knew you'd come up with any excuse to not have to go back and deal with Diane and the whole baby thing!" She let out a sigh, striding over to the opposite side of the room. "For what it's worth you will never feel ready to be a parent. It's one of those things you apparently have to dive head-first into."
"According to who?" Rick frowned at her, standing up in a whirl of frustration, "To you? Mrs relationship-a-phobe?" He snorted in annoyance, "Please; you practically threw yourself down the stairs that one time you thought you were pregnant!"
Myra rolled her eyes, "I actually did, just so you know." She frowned, "Certainly never helped the situation, but it did somehow make me feel better." She sighed, decidedly taking a seat at the small table, "Diane will be scared as all hell." She shrugged her shoulders, "Foetus deletus isn't exactly welcomed, where we come from." She stated, "She'll be terrified you've left her to deal with it all herself." She said, meeting his gaze.
Rick seemed to consider her words momentarily, "Probably." He let out a weary sigh, after a moment, "The shitty thing is… she'll make a great mother…" he frowned, "I just never envisioned having kids… with her, especially…" He shrugged his shoulders, "She's the 'settle-down' type… wants me to give up all of this." He gestured to everything around them.
Myra forced a slight chuckle, "Who knows, maybe parenthood will miraculously agree with you?" She cocked her brow, gauging his reaction.
Rick snorted, "Please, w-we both know that the kid will be lucky to live past ten…" He chuckled pathetically, "Mostly due to Dee being there…" He shrugged his shoulders slightly, "Maybe with 'Aunt Morty' there, to save the day as well."
Myra laughed in response, "Please… I don't have a maternal bone in my entire body!"
Rick shrugged in response, "I-I've always thought you'd make an ok mother." He said simply, before quickly adding, "I saw the way you interacted with the children on planet Squanch." He stated, "You were always really good w-whenever you helped them out with the hatchlings."
Myra shrugged her shoulders, "other people's kids; COMPLETELY different thing!" She smirked at him, "Spawn of my loins? Literal devil child."
They both chuckled, the jesting easing their tensions. There was another period of silence, before Myra turned to him with a weary glance.
"You've already finished repairing the portal gun, haven't you?" She asked in a gentle, knowing tone.
Rick nodded slowly, his mouth forming a firm, stubborn line, "Y-yeah." He let out a lengthy belch.
Myra nodded, "I won't tell the guys…" She breathed, understanding his motives, "but I won't sit around too much longer, watching you abandon Diane and the baby."
Rick was staring into empty space, an irritated, yet forlorn expression on his face, "I know." He said simply. "I've half expected you to have figured all of t-this out already, and been kicking my a…ss about it."
Myra frowned, "Although it's a little more than tempting, to beat you senseless… I can't say I wouldn't be doing the exact same thing, if I were in your shoes." She placed a hand on his shoulder, momentarily.
Their eyes locked and she became aware of how close they were.
Rick smirked at her, "Y-you were always good at putting me in my place." He seemed to shuffle closer to her, as if making attempts to close the space between them.
Squanchy suddenly burst into the room, shaking moisture from his body, much like a dog, "Its raining Squanches out there!" His eyes went wide as he saw them, a slight smirk curving his crooked mouth, "What's going on here?" He rose his eyebrows in a knowing gesture.
Myra cleared her throat, suddenly moving away from Rick, despite the electricity that seemed to be coursing through her body, "Nothing; just a little Rick and Morty pep talk." She smirked, "I think Sanchez will make a great breakthrough any day now."
Rick smirked at her, humour glimmering within his eyes, "Something like that." He grinned.
Myra started making excuses to leave, after Bird Person arrived; ensuring them that they didn't need a backup singer, or a roadie for their impromptu jam session. They all agreed, knowing what a terrible singer she was, and let her leave.
She stepped outside into the rain, the sticky warmth of the humidity alone was enough to make her feel like she was swimming in soup. She hurried back towards the bar, scampering inside, and feeling annoyed that she could never have dry clothes, on that planet.
When she stepped inside, she was slightly taken aback by a familiar set of eyes. It was her. Well… another dimensional version of herself anyway.
It was, by no means, the first time she had encountered a secondary version of herself. Rick and Myra had crossed paths with themselves on multiple occasions. Though, seeing as they both hated themselves, on a deep, almost primitive level; they didn't like to stick around themselves overly much.
The other Myra waved her over, a disgusted scowl on her face.
Myra sat down at the table opposite herself, judging with severe scrutiny. The other version of herself was sporting a cybernetic eye, and several facial scars on the left side of her face. She was dressed in padded armour, though it certainly looked like it had seen better days. There were tattooed scrawling's over her forearms, though Myra couldn't make out all of the languages.
"I'm from dimension T-197." The other Myra shrugged dismissively, "Judging by the look of you… I'd say you're a Sanchez loyalist…" She smirked, eyeing Myra up and down.
Myra frowned at T-197, "And I suppose you're Frankenstein's bride?" She asked, cocking her brow as she motioned to the bartender for a drink.
T-197 shrugged, "Eh I've been called far worse from far more important people." She grinned, leaning back in her chair casually. "My question is… did you settle down, shack up or tag along?" T-197 was clearly gauging her reaction, and smirked wider when Myra screwed her face up in confusion. "You see, in my reality… Rick… is well… Rick. He is still, very much alive and is causing all kinds of havoc on the universe." She shrugged her shoulders, "Other Myras… well they either settled down into domestic life with Rick- those are the rarest of them all. We like to refer to them as 'Unicorn Myras'." She shrugged dismissively.
"Was there a point to all of this?" Myra frowned, practically snatching the drink from the bartender as he shuffled over.
"My point is…" T-197 said, leaning forward, "You still appear to have your options currently open- you're undecided on where your life is headed, and even if you want Rick in it at all." She grinned, leaning back and slinging and arm over the back of her chair, "I'm simply pointing out how much better life is, with Rick taking the helm."
Myra's eyes narrowed and she felt herself scrutinizing every detail before she frowned, "You're a Rick, aren't you?" She pointed an accusing finger.
T-197 smirked wider, "Perceptive, aren't we?" she was chuckling suddenly, "Usually takes a day or two for most to figure out. Hell I've even had Ricks fooled longer."
"Stop jerking yourself off and maybe we wouldn't catch on at all." Myra frowned, "I am guessing the dimensional information was at least correct, though I certainly have doubts about anything being truthful with you."
T-197 grinned devilishly, "My Myra and I came to the conclusion that our minds would be better intermingled. We literally merged ourselves, though we overlooked some details and here I am." She grinned, gesturing to herself. "We do have the ability to differentiate our mentalities, at times, though we certainly have no desire. Things all seem so much clearer when we are of one mind."
"Then why bother fucking around with me?" Myra frowned at T-197.
T-197 smirked again, "You seem like you're pretty switched on; it doesn't look like you've been fucked up or over… yet." She shrugged slightly, snatching the drink from Myra's hand, "We are simply looking to extend many opportunities to worthy Ricks and Myras."
"Pass." Myra frowned, "Whatever this delusion is that you're attempting to sell… I'm not interested."
"Suit yourself," T-197 said, standing up with an indifferent expression, "Just remember there are infinite Myras who just agreed to our proposition. And an infinite amount also shat themselves, while doing so." She grinned at her, her silvery eyes dark and menacing.
Myra shrugged her shoulders, "oh… where are all the fucks I give?" she asked, feigning to search around, "Oh that's right… they don't exist!"
T-197 smirked, "Shame; I am rather fond of you." She wrinkled her nose, "But oh well." She shrugged her shoulders and turned to walk away.
"Oh yeah!" Rick belched, suddenly swaying on the spot beside T-197, "A Threesome with TWO Myra's! Count me i-in!"
T-197 rolled her eyes and stepped around him, "You don't appear to be able to handle one." She said, shooting open a portal and vanishing instantly.
Rick flopped down heavily in the chair opposite Myra, "Man… she sucked!" He frowned, "Poor choice for a threesome, Morty!"
Myra shook her head, noting how drunk Rick was, "Actually she was more you than me… Where are BP and Squanchy?"
"Home… I-I'm assuming." Rick burped loudly, gulping down a drink.
"You sent them home?" Myra frowned.
"I-I portalled them home." Rick muttered, his tongue whipping around his cup to catch any last droplets of alcohol. "T-they were pretty much flopping their dicks everywhere uselessly." He shrugged, "I told Bird Person that I would get him the moment I replicate Vagina…"
"Fanny." Myra corrected.
"Same difference." Rick snorted drunkenly, "Besides, I think w-w-we're all in agreeance that we've spent far too much time together. We need a break from each other." He slurred matter-of-factly, "Time t-to get back to rea…lity." He belched loudly.
Myra nodded her head, "yeah…"
Rick stood up suddenly, "So… l-l-let's go piss off Dee, one last time." Rick grinned lop-sided, whipping his portal gun out of his pocket.
"Please leave me out of it." Myra chuckled, "She doesn't exactly need any more reasons to despise me." She stated, "Just send me home and we'll call it a year…"
Rick shrugged his shoulders, "Suit… yourself." He belched, quickly typing in the co-ordinates for their home reality.
He shot open the portal and gestured for her to walk inside. She glanced at him sceptically, poking her head through to make sure it wasn't a trick. Sur enough, her home sat in all of its lonesome glory. She gave Rick one last, grateful smile before she stepped through.
The portal fizzled closed behind her and she was left staring at her house, dark and isolated. Virtually in the middle of nowhere; when she had bought it, she had decided that was how she wanted to live the rest of her life.
Yet, as the silence of the night crept over her, engulfing all of her senses; she was suddenly increasingly aware of how alone she was. Life was going to change for her- if Diane finally got Rick to settle; Myra's life would only become lonelier.
The realisation hit her hard, as she walked towards her front door, waving her microchipped hand before the door, so it would open. It hissed open, and she stepped inside, glancing around the empty space, as though she was expecting Rick to burst out of somewhere. Only the silence was there to greet her; leaving her feeling more alone and desolate than she ever had before.
Rick was sure to portal directly into his and Diane's room. He knew that it would be late at night, on Earth; so he wasn't willing to try and sneak into his house in case Dee took to him with a baseball bat. It wouldn't have been the first time, either. He wasn't exactly the master of stealth, when he was drunk.
He stepped through the portal, flopping onto the bed with a heavy thud. Diane let out a series of curses, throttling him with her fists, as she was startled awake.
"What the hell, Rick!" She snapped, smacking him senselessly as he laughed at her.
"W-where's the warm welcome, Dee?" He grinned at her, "A little appreciation for t-the man who impregnated you?"
Diane slapped him in the face, hard.
"APPRECIATION?" She snapped angrily, "You stopped returning my calls after I told you the news!" She hissed, "What 'appreciation' do you expect to be entitled to, Rick!?" She switched her bedside lamp on to glare at him with tired, yet furious eyes.
Rick shrugged his shoulders, "All of it?" he chuckled and she thwacked him in the face with her pillow, "I didn't abandon y-you, ok? I'm here and I'm willing to do the hard yards, or whatever bullshit y-you need me to do, ok?" He was frowning suddenly, "I'm not a coward, ok?"
Diane frowned at him, seemingly trying to gauge whether he was serious or not, before she let out a long-drawn sigh, "Fine… ok." She said in a huff and Rick cackled, starting to lean towards her, knowing he was about to get lucky. "But first… take a long shower… you smell horrendous!"
Rick smirked at her, "Will dooo." He belched, leaping out of the bed and heading towards the bathroom.
He had the feeling everything was looking up. Myra had been right; there was no point in running away from the inevitable. Though, he had the niggling thought in the back of his mind that he was only doing it to see Myra's reaction. Rick wanted to make her see that there was nothing wrong with a domesticated lifestyle; that she was the idiot and coward.
It didn't, once, occur to him, that he was heading into the biggest change of his life, with the incorrect mentality.
It was a few days later when Myra got a call from a rather frantic-sounding Rick.
"Morty! I-I uh… think you should really get your ass over here." He spluttered over the phone.
Myra looked at the clock on her bedside table, noting how dark everything was, "Rick its three in the morning… can't you just sleep… one night?"
"I-i-it's about Vagina." Rick said, his voice even, "Y-y-you REALLY need to get over here, Morty."
Myra felt her mouth forming a firm, annoyed line as a portal appeared beside her bed, and Rick's hand poked through, gesturing for her to step inside.
Myra stood up with a huff, briefly glancing at her tank-top and underwear situation, "At least let me get dressed first." She frowned.
Rick's head suddenly appeared through the portal, "Th-there's no time for that, Morty!"
Myra scowled, grasping her dressing gown off a random pile of laundry and donning it. She glared at him as she stepped through the portal, completely oblivious to the situation she was about to see.
Rick had replicated Fanny… though something had gone terribly wrong. Her features were all warped and mangled, almost as if her flesh had mutated and melted from her body.
"Rick…" Myra let out a weary sigh, "Did you cellular mutilate Fanny?" she frowned, pinching the bridge of her nose as the female Bird-person let out a series of gargles. She was barely alive; her breaths were struggling with deep, gurgling draws.
Rick frowned, "I-I had a little mishap with the tissue sample, after I bought it home." Rick shrugged, attempting to appear dismissive, "by mishap I-I mean I forgot to plug the cryogenic chamber in.."
"RICK!" Myra gasped in disbelief, "BP is going to kill you!" She hissed, her eyes wide in shock, "He LOVES Fanny."
"W-w-we all love Fanny, am I right, Morty?" He gave her a nudge and a wink, "And by 'Fanny', I mean the Australian terminology…"
"I know what you mean!" Myra snapped back, walking over to the incubation control panel, "Jesus, look at this decomposition… there's no way we can re-sequence her cellular structure without major compromises…" She scowled, "Oh you're most definitely going to die a horrible, gory death, Sanchez. I'll be sure to film the whole thing and play it at your funeral."
Rick glared at her momentarily, before letting out a weary sigh, "I-I have a crazy idea that will most definitely work…" He said, snatching out his portal gun. He shot open a portal and disappeared inside. It flashed closed and Myra started to roll her eyes, and turn her attention back to the screen.
There had to be a way that they could reconfigure what intransience genetic material that remained. Rick had somehow recompiled her father, after half a day of decomposition… surely there was a way around…She began to try reshuffling a few sequences around, to see if there was any way she could reconstruct the deteriorated matter.
Another portal opened, several moments later and Rick cleared his throat, seizing her attention.
She glanced up, her eyes suddenly going wide with bewilderment. He was covered from head to toe in blood.
"So… I-I went to a neighbouring dimension… and Fanny w-wasn't very open-minded about taking a little trip over here…" He cleared his throat, presenting a severed finger, "So we made a compromise and… w-well she gave me this…"
"She gave you her finger?" She asked, cocking her brow, "Even if that did happen… I doubt that dimension's Bird Person is thrilled about whatever heinous act you just committed."
"Oh he's most definitely pissed… y-yeah, let's just give that dimension a wide berth from here on… Definitely make a-a mental note on that one, Morty." He said, attempting to wipe some blood from his face, "I've committed my fair share of cold-blooded murder… but that was something else, Morty."
He stepped towards the DNA sequence extractor and placed the finger inside, slapping away on the keypad until he pressed the green button and the machine whirred into action.
"She's not going to be the same; If Pers finds out he will most definitely lose his shit." Myra sorted in disbelief. "The slightest inconsistency in personality will tip him off, Sanchez."
"Oh yeah?" Rick asked, cocking his brow at her, "Y-you gonna be the one to tell him, or…?"
"Don't be ludicrous!" Myra snorted, "If this Fanny passes for his real deal, then I guess all of this is null and void." She stated, "like anything matters anyway, am I right?"
Rick glanced side-long at her, "now who's the cynical bastard, Morty?" He grinned.
"Still you- though my mind is definitely understanding the prospect more and more." She winked, "Which I guess brings me to the next topic of discussion…." She trailed off, and glanced at the floor, "I got a job…"
Rick snorted in a mixture of disbelief and disgust, "Like a job-job? L-like a real, human slave-labour job?" His eyes were filled with mockery, "W-what the fucking hell, Morty?!"
Myra shrugged her shoulders, "They've been hassling me ever since college, and they called up- I get to work, pretty much directly beneath the president."
"Oh i-I'm sure you'll love being 'directly beneath'him." Rick snorted, "Y-you're a-a-a real sell-out, Morty!" He said, suddenly irritated, "All the shit w-we've created over the years a-and you're wanting to work, for money?"
Myra frowned at him, "I was just assuming you'd be slowing down… with the baby and all." She said, suddenly equally as irritated, "Besides this will give me extra prospects outside of our weird friendship bubble."
"You love the bubble, a-and you know it." Rick frowned at her, "Mostly because y-you hate people so much!"
"I mean, you're not entirely wrong." Myra smirked at him, "I don't know I just thought it would be something else I could have to fill some time in."
Rick let out a disgusted grunt and ran his hand through his hair, "Whatever." He muttered dismissively, "Guess i-i-it's your life, Morty."
Myra gave him a playful nudge, "It's not like I'm dying, or going anywhere, Sanchez. If anything, this is just the first and only thing to add to the resume." She grinned, "Bets on how long I will last?"
Rick snorted at her, "I give you two hours, on your first day!" He was suddenly laughing, "W-we can literally create gold a-and gemstones out of thin air a-and you want to work for t-the most pointless, parasitic government system, in the universe?!" He shook his head in disbelief, "Y-you're a fucking moron, Morty!"
"You're probably right." Myra chuckled in response.
Weeks passed.
"I'm getting married!" Rick said, appearing before Myra, Bird Person and Squanchy in an alien space bar on planet Squanch. He was a little surprised to see Myra had beaten him there; especially because she had become the ultimate sell-out by working for the USA government. How the hell did she have leisure time when all government workers seemed to do was stand in a circle, jerking each other off?
"This is quite surprising." Bird Person said in his monotone voice, "I would have never guessed you were the type to commit to that kind of thing."
"That really makes me wanna Squanch." Squanchy frowned, "First you knock some Squanch into her and now you're marrying her?"
Rick glanced at Myra who shrugged her shoulders at them, "Actually, that would be considered the most logical step on Earth." She stated, "You don't just date someone, impregnate them and not marry them. It's a huge, backwards ordeal on our planet."
"Oh yeah, congratulations, Rick; I'm so thrilled for your happiness Rick!" Rick muttered in a feigned, joyous tone, before taking a seat at the table next to Myra and snatching her drink off her. "You're planning the Batchelor party, by the way."
Myra smirked at him, "That would be a huge miscalculation of my abilities to make it the most sick and twisted night of depravity."
"Y-y-you'll ma…nage." Rick belched, suddenly frowning at Bird Person, "I-is it just me, or does Bird Person look the same as he did when we first met him?"
"My species ages at what you call a 'snail's crawl'." He said, "I will appear younger than you for the rest of your life."
Rick turned to Myra, who was scrawling on a notepad suddenly, "Guess you can join this one, then." He snickered, jerking his thumb in her direction.
"I would be quite happy to join her, however all attempts and advances have been rebutted." Bird Person stated. "Besides, Fanny and I are more than happy, in that regard."
"Join the rejection club, we've got plenty of Squanch." Squanchy chuckled, tossing back another shot.
"I told you guys- I've already had to tread on eggshells with the future Mrs Sanchez because of my previous relations with Rick," She gestured at him, "And I have absolutely no desire to settle down; so sorry that rules both of you out for relations"
"She's l-l-like a tooth-fairy, but for coitus." Rick was smirking, "She just f…lutters from guy to guy and disappears in the darkness of the night. Occasionally leaving a pair o-o-of panties, or a bra behind as a present."
Myra shot him a look, "You've just earnt yourself a tea party instead of a bachelor party." She smirked, "Better yet, I will invite Diane."
Rick cringed, "She just might enjoy herself." He tossed back another drink, glancing at the waiter as they waddled around and restocked their drinks again. "So, tomorrow work for everyone?"
"Tomorrow?" Squanchy and Myra chimed in unison.
"That is most abrupt." Bird Person stated.
"Y-yeah, Diane really wants to get things moving before she shows too much." He shrugged, "Her parents are kinda anal about that k…ind of thing."
"I'll make it work." Myra said, grabbing up a shot glass, "Here's to the most unpredictable asshole in the entire universe." She said, raising it up for a toast. "May you have many years of debauchery in this new adventure."
They all clinked glasses together and threw back shots.
Myra smirked, jerking her thumb to the stage area where all their Flesh Curtains music equipment sat, waiting for them, "Now you guys get your asses up there and blow the house down."
Rick smirked at her, climbing to his feet, "Y-you're going to regret those words, Morty." He started towards the stage.
Myra glimpsed at Bird Person and Squanchy as they followed after him, feeling a sudden sense of loss. Everything was going to change, and she suspected that Rick had absolutely no idea what he had signed up for.
Not sure if peeps are enjoying this or not etc, but I shall continue to upload the rest of the chapters ^^
If you ARE enjoying, please leave a review!