A/N: Similar to the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde review a few chapters ago, this will also be a two-parter that will later on return eventually in the story.

In this ninth game review of the story, Athena Cykes travels back in time to take a look at a few bad NES games based on the Back to the Future series directed by Robert Zemeckis.

Athena Cykes' Game Review of Back to the Future (NES) (Part 1)

"This game is horrible.", Athena Cykes started off, holding up the game Back to the Future for the NES.

BACK TO THE FUTURE

The orange-haired attorney criticized the first game in the Back to the Future trilogy, "This game is so bad, I really don't wanna play it. It's like if Darth Vader came from the planet Vulcan and he said he'll melt my brains if I don't play it, so I don't have any choice."

And with that, she started the game as she examined it.

"The first thing I really admire is how well it followed the movie. And you gotta love that music!", says Athena as she listens carefully to the game's music, "Well, Great Scott! Sounds just like the movie, right? No! And that's it. It just loops over and over again. And you're not gonna believe it, but that's all you hear the entire game. I don't believe it... Yep. From the title screen all the way to end, the same fucking music... I'd rather have a fuckin' buffalo take a diarrhea dump in my ear than subject them to this horrendous garbage. Now, about the gameplay... Well, you're racing against the time limit, and you have to collect clocks to get more time. So, that's pretty creative, isn't it? So you're walkin' through Hill Valley and every single thing you can imagine is out to kill you. I'd be like, 'Holy shit!' You know, things such as bullies, hula-hoop girls, killer bees...and guys holding glass windows? Just like in the movie. What happened here? Is this Hill Valley or is it Hell? Doc Brown could say, 'No, it's Hill Valley, although I can't imagine Hell being much worse!'", continuing, "I never knew a hula-hoop girl could be so deadly. Why does she wanna kill Marty anyway? I bet that excuse would be, 'He's an asshole!'. Not to mention, it doesn't even look like Marty. Look at that black helmet head. Also, when did he ever wear that sleeveless black shirt?", before the girl notices whilst playing, "Oh, look! I got a bowling ball! Remember that in the movie? Remember when Marty goes around throwing bowling balls at people? Whose idea was this? What were they thinking?"

In the next area of the game, she eventually picks up the skateboard item.

The female lawyer sighed happily, "Ah, the skateboard. Now, that makes a lot more sense. But it's the most annoying thing in the game. Yeah, it makes you go faster, but you can't stop. You crash into everything, and it makes it a whole hell of a lot fucking harder. Oh, and the jumping? Jumping is useless. Try jumping over the bench, you'll never make it. So, what's the point of having a jump button if it doesn't help at all? What are those guys doing with that window, anyway? And why are those giant bees always coming out? Give me a break! And what the fuck is Marty doing when he gets killed?", she examined when the game character loses a life as it looks like he's reaching out or something, "It looks he's having some kind of seizure! I mean, I guess I'd have a seizure too if there were bees and hula-hoop girls, and all of this weird shit coming at me. I mean, just leave me alone! I'm tryin' to collect clocks."

Numerous times yet again she tries to dodge the obstacles but end up getting killed in the game, as Athena swore "Damn!" multiple times.

"I never got too far in this game, but after the walking stages are over, you go to the cafe, which by this time, is a breath of fresh air to see somethin' different, and get a break from that horrible music. So you move up and down behind this counter throwing milkshakes at people, and if any of them touch the counter, you're done for. You'd think it would be easy to hit them, but it's not. Common sense would say if you stand in front of someone and throw something, it would hit them. You can't tell where to stand. Now, if you actually have the patience to get through the cafe stage, guess what's next? More walking.", Athena described.

Grown tired of the first Back to the Future game on NES, she turns off the game and removes it from the console, placing it on the table as she makes a discussion.

The orange-haired girl evaluates, "You know what's the worst thing about this game? Is that, it bears the name, Back to the Future, a movie well worth putting more time and effort into making a decent game. And, the movie came out in '85. The game, '89. There's no excuse. No fuckin' excuse. Just, suddenly orders are passed, 'Quick! Make a shitty game, name it after a big movie, and then just spit it into all the stores for all the kids to buy for fifty bucks!' Yeah, fifty fucking bucks!", she chuckled, "There was no Internet to look up reviews back then, it was just, you know, you buy a game and you hope for the best. And with Back to the Future, how could you go wrong? Oh yeah, you could fucking go wrong, alright. Like, if I just shat into a bag, and wrote Back to the Future on it, that would be the same as this awful piece of shit. It brings my piss to a boil. What a piece of shit! I'll never play it again, either. It's my last time.", scoffing afterwards, "I'd rather eat out the rotten asshole of a roadkill skunk than play this game, ever again. And I'm dead serious, too. And do you know what's worse? You know what's...what's really worse? Guess what? There's a sequel!"

BACK TO THE FUTURE II & III

"Yes, it's true. Back to the Future II & III. Two shitty games for the price of one. Let's check it out.", Athena said as she started playing only the Back to the Future Part II game portion of the bundle (for now) before seeing the DeLorean in the game, "Holy shit! Look, the DeLorean, now I remember that from the movie. Not so much the piranhas, the snails, the weird face, the running frog, the bouncy thing, the thing in the sewer that comes out and kills Marty, the little dinosaurs, the cloud that drops pellets, and whatever the fucking goddamn hell that is. And look at those!", remarked the investigator as she saw Goomba-like enemies in the game, "What are they? Goombas and the spiky thing ripped right off of Super Mario Bros.? Fucking slackers! And every time you die, the DeLorean drops you off, and it seems like it always takes you in the opposite direction of which you're tryin' to go. Shit soup!", she swore whilst trying not to lose any more lives from the fall hazards and later gets chased by a bird enemy in the game, "Oh, god, don't let the blue bird get ya!", before unfortunately falling into the pit after attempting a big jump, "Ass!"; Athena tries to retrieve the key item in the level, "Get the key, get the key!", and then grabs the hoverboard, "Yeah, the hoverboard!"

She finally enters a secret area in the game, only to find a bonus stage.

"Cool, a bonus stage.", unenthusiastically stated the female lawyer just before she died in the bonus level all of a sudden, "Wow. Fuck this."

Once again, she turns off the game, removing it from the NES and putting it aside with the first Back to the Future game.

"I wish I could go back in time to prevent this game from being made. Unfortunately, I need to build a Flux Capacitor and I also need some plutonium to generate the 1.21 gigawatts of electricity, so it's out of the question. So instead, let's end on a positive note. There's gotta be one good thing about this game, and I know what it is... It fits in a toaster.", Athena thought and concluded, "But not just any toaster. Or particularly not a real toaster..."

She leans down under her desk as she tried to look for something...

...and when she stood back up, she grabbed what appears to look like some sort of toaster that functions like a NES video game player.

It was a Nintoaster.

Grabbing the two Back to the Future games, she simply places the two in the two slots.

"There you have it. They're toast.", sighed Athena as she puts the accessory aside.

End of Athena Cykes' Game Review of Back to the Future (NES) (Part 1)

Up Next: Athena Cykes' Game Review of McKids