Ziva stopped at the front step of Gibbs' little cottage, and took a deep breath.
There were so many memories here.
It had been over a year and a half since she had last been to this little house. Last time, it had days before Christmas, when Sahar's son had run away, and Ziva wasn't sure what awaited her when she returned to Paris.
She had the same thoughts on that cold winter day as she did now.
What if too much time had passed?
What if she had changed too much?
Ziva stepped onto the front step, and balled her hand into a fist to knock on the door, even though she was sure the door was unlocked.
Some things never changed.
Gibbs never changed.
She stopped short of actually knocking on the door, and instead reached for the door handle and opened the door.
It had been a while since she had seen Gibbs. They had only been back in the states for a few weeks, and so much of their time had been spent settling Tali in and sorting out the house.
They had come back to the states to reconnect with the people they considered family, but except for Tim they had only seen everyone else once or twice.
They were still working out where they sat with everyone.
Some relationships could be picked up from where they left off, and others needed to be built from scratch. Ellie had offered her services as a babysitter. Tony and Nick had sized each other up.
The door opened and Ziva stepped into Gibbs hallway, careful not to drop the Tupperware box she was carrying.
The main level of the house was silent, and Ziva wondered if Gibbs was really home. His truck was in the drive, but Gibbs was a man of mystery.
Ziva knew she had to check the basement next, but needed a few quiet moments before she went down there.
She could still hear the thud of Ari's body as it hit the floor.
She could still see the shock on his face as she rushed down the stairs minutes before bullets were fired, and years after she was supposed to have died.
Ziva moved across the living area, and placed the Tupperware on the table.
There was a creak from the basement steps, and the door from the basement. Gibbs stepped out, wearing his battered USMC t-shirt, the one with the hole in the collar. His shorts were threadbare. The t-shirt was probably as old as Ziva.
"Ziver," he said with a smile, as he moved toward the kitchen, and turned on the water tap.
Ziva followed him.
"Hi Gibbs," she said, as she leaned on the kitchen counter.
Gibbs ran the bar of soap over his hands, and it lathered up.
He looked so old. Older than he had seemed when she asked him for help.
Perhaps, it was the work finally getting to him. He was probably too old to be an agent now.
She wondered if he would ever take retirement, or if giving up the badge would kill him, like she and Tony always joked it would.
Gibbs dried his hand on a tea towel, and turned around. He greeted Ziva with open arms.
"Come here," he said.
Ziva moved from her spot leaning on the counter, and wrapped him in a hug.
He still smelt like sawdust and bourbon.
"It's good to see you," he said, as the hug broke.
Ziva smiled at him.
"I am sorry it has taken so long," Ziva said.
Gibbs knew their address, he could have visited them if he wanted to, but that was not a discussion she was going to have now.
Gibbs peaked into the living area.
"Is Tali with you?" he asked. "DiNozzo?"
She would be a DiNozzo soon too.
Ziva shook her head.
"Just me," Ziva said, "But, Tali and I made cookies yesterday, and I brought you some."
She motioned to the table, and Gibbs moved toward the table.
Ziva followed him, and watched as he eagerly opened the box.
Some of the cookies had broken during the drive, and even though they were supposed to be dog shaped, Ziva had found a dog shaped cookie cutter in a local big box store, the cookies looked more like blobs with dull points.
Tali had been thrilled by the cookies despite their faults.
Gibbs picked up a cookie, and took a bite. Crumbs fell onto his t-shirt, and mingled with the sawdust.
Ziva looked down at her own outfit, and saw her black top was also covered in sawdust.
"Sit," Gibbs said, pointing to the chair next to him.
Ziva had always been good at following orders, and sat next to him. Their knees touched.
"We are still perfecting our cookie recipe," Ziva said.
They had done lots of baking during the two lockdowns, and both mother and daughter enjoyed it. Baking was something Tali only did with her Ima, as Tony did not have the patience for baking, especially not from scratch.
Ziva loved standing behind Tali, as she rolled out the dough. She loved their matching aprons that Tony had brought them both for Christmas.
"They were in the oven a little too long," Ziva said. "Tali and I got distracted."
Gibbs finished his cookie and took another one from the box, not seeming to care that the cookies were a little darker than they should be.
It hadn't stopped Tony from eating half a dozen of the little vanilla cookies either. Tony had liked the ones that were supposed to be shaped like bones.
"They're good," Gibbs said as he took another cookie.
Ziva's mouth felt dry, and she pulled herself up and moved toward the kitchen.
She found a glass easily, Gibbs kitchen never changed, and put a glass under the tap.
"There's cold water in the fridge," Gibbs announced, as he brushed the crumbs from his t-shirt. "It's hot today."
Ziva grabbed another glass, and placed them on the counter next to the fridge.
She stopped and looked at the front of the fridge. Pinned under a magnet from a beer company, was a postcard from Philadelphia.
Ziva thought of Sahar's son, who had gotten caught up in all that pain, who had ended up in Philadelphia with a foster family. She hoped he was safe, and healing. She hoped he knew that none of it had been his fault.
Then she opened the fridge, and found the glass bottle of water.
She filled the glasses easily.
Gibbs crunched on another cookie.
"So," Gibbs said, "What's going on?"
Ziva closed the fridge, and stopped in front of the fridge again.
There was a note from Jack Sloane, nothing more than a line, but filled with love.
Next to the note, was a wedding invitation, the one that she and Tony had designed, with one of Tali's pictures.
"I was in the neighbourhood," Ziva said, as she picked up the glasses and walked toward the dining room. "That is the saying, yes?"
Gibbs raised an eyebrow.
"You live miles away," he said.
Ziva handed Gibbs one of the glasses, and sat back down at the table.
"I really was in the neighbourhood," she said. "Tony's father is moving to be closer to us and we were helping him pack up his things, and I also had to run an errand for the wedding."
She and Tony had woken up a few days ago to the realisation that they were getting married in a month, and had done next to nothing.
Ziva had only just decided on a dress. They still had to find something for Tali to wear.
"I actually came to talk to you about the wedding," Ziva said, as she took a sip of the water.
"I RVSP'd," Gibbs said.
Tony had personally delivered the invites to the team, when he had gone into the city for a meeting at his new job. That had been the same day that Ziva had woken up to an unwanted period.
She had been so sure it was something else.
"I know," Ziva replied.
Tali had ticked off Gibbs' name on the list of guests that had been written on the tiny whiteboard they kept on their fridge.
"At a Jewish wedding both the bride and groom's parents walk them down the aisle," Ziva said, "Tony and I were only going to have a small ceremony, but Tali has been watching so many movies, and she wants us to have an aisle."
Gibbs nodded, but did not say anything.
"Senior is going to walk Tony down the aisle," Ziva said. "It will be a very short aisle, and Tali is very concerned about the symmetry, and that there is no one to walk me down the aisle."
She had been a fully fledged orphan for a long time now.
Gibbs had once been the closest thing she had to a father.
When she had been almost engaged once, to a man who lived in the shadows, she had imagined Gibbs walking her down the aisle. Even though her father was still alive at that point.
She had simply never imagined Eli walking her down an aisle.
"I was thinking," Ziva said, as she looked at Gibbs and with his stubble and old t-shirt. "That maybe you could walk me down the aisle. It would mostly be to keep Tali happy."
A smile crossed Gibbs' face for just a moment.
"Okay," he said.
Ziva felt her shoulders soften and let out a deep breath. This was relief.
She had not known what she was expecting when she walked into this little house.
"Really?" she asked.
Gibbs nodded.
"It is just," Ziva started again. "I know we have not really seen much of each other."
Or called each other, but that was mostly on Gibbs and his phone etiquette.
Ziva and Tony had used McGee to keep them in the loop with what was happening with Gibbs, not that Tim knew too much.
Gibbs would always be one foot in, and one foot out, when it came to the people who surrounded him. Always ready to close himself off.
Maybe, it was the loss of Shannon and Kelly.
Ziva knew the love of a child, her separation from her daughter had been unbearable, if Tali had been lost forever Ziva doubted she would have been able to go on.
Maybe, it was all those bullets he took, not even after two years after Ziva locked herself in the farmhouse wanting to be punished for her sins.
Tony thought it was the shooting.
He just wasn't the same after that, Tony had said during one of the many late night conversations during that first year home.
"I wondered," Ziva started, "If it was because of Tali. She is seven now, and I know that is almost the age-"
Gibbs got up from the table and walked toward the kitchen. He opened the fridge and came back with two beers.
Ziva took hers, but did not open it. Alcohol and her meds did not mix well.
Gibbs took a long swig of the beer.
"It is just when I was away from Tali," she continued, her voice becoming shaky. "Seeing children around her age, that was the hardest. I thought it might have been that."
It had been so hard being apart from Tali. To see other children who were the same age as her. To see mothers and daughters together. To see little kids with one hand in each parent, and to know Tali did not have that.
Gibbs put the beer on the table.
Ziva held her unopened beer in her hands. It was cold, and made her hands damp with the condensation.
"It's not that," Gibbs said. "That hurts every day, and everyday in a different way."
Ziva nodded. She would never know that pain. And, if she ever did she did not think she would ever be able keep going.
"I know you and Jack were close," Ziva said. "And now she is gone."
Gibbs picked up the bottle, and took another long swig.
He held the bottle close to his lips and looked toward the
"We were," he said.
Ziva put her bottle down, and pushed it out toward him.
"You okay?" he asked, as he took the bottle from her.
"Yes," Ziva said. "Alcohol messes with my meds. Besides I have a lot of driving to do today."
Alcohol made the panic worse. She could have a glass of two of wine here or there, but she had to be careful. Anything more than two glasses, and she would wake up the next morning with dread in her stomach, and the panic would whisper nasty things to her.
You are a terrible mother.
Tony is only with you, because of Tali.
For now she felt it was best to abstain, especially when the panic lingered so close, like it did these days. Being back in the states had brought up some old fears.
Gibbs finished his beer, and opened hers.
She waited for him to acknowledge that she was on anti-anxiety medication. He had seen her at her worst, trying to manage the panic with the pills Adam could get for her.
If Eli could see her now, he would only tell her how weak she was for letting her mind play tricks on her.
She wanted something from the man she considered a father.
"Tali doing okay?" he asked.
Ziva reached into the cookie box, and took a cookie.
"Yes," Ziva said. "She took a little while to adjust to being here, but she is happy now, especially with Tony's father moving so close, and if Tim and Delilah's offer gets accepted. She will be close to lots of family."
Gibbs nodded.
Tali would have the childhood her parents always wanted.
"Family's good," he hummed.
"And, we are not too far from you," Ziva said. "It is a nice area around here."
Gibbs lived in one of the tightest property markets in the region, in an area that Tony and Ziva had dismissed because it was simply too expensive. Eli had left Ziva a lot of money, but she did not want to spend it all on a house. The only part of the suburb they could realistically afford was Gibbs' block, his block was modestly priced, mostly because every eighteen months or so a gunshot went off in the vicinity of Gibbs little craftsman cottage.
Gibbs had too many enemies, and took on the enemies of people he loved.
"Yeah," Gibbs said.
Ziva could feel the ghosts in this house. The little redheaded girl, who liked horses, and loved her Daddy. The proud wife who just wanted her husband to get home safe, except they were the ones who never made it home one day.
Ziva was only two years older than Kelly Gibbs should be.
Ziva had already lived two more years than Shannon got.
"How's DiNozzo doing?" Gibbs asked.
Ziva took a sip of water.
"He is good. I think he's looking forward to his new job," Ziva said. "He has loved being home with Tali, but he was definitely missing something."
"I've heard of the place he's gonna be working at," Gibbs said.
"They help a lot of veterans," Ziva said. "I think Tony will do well there. He wants to help people."
He always wanted to help. To make things better.
"And you?" Gibbs asked. "How are you?"
Ziva ran her hands over her lap.
How was she? Really?
"It has been an adjustment," Ziva admitted. She thought of bumping into Ben Ramsey in his cafe, a place that was a five minute drive from where she now lived. "Being back in the states. When I was with Tony and Tali in Paris, it was like we were in a bubble. Here we have to make the bubble bigger."
Gibbs took a sip of his beer.
"I'm glad you're back," he said.
"Really?" Ziva asked.
"Yeah," he said. "I've been meaning to head up your way."
Ziva frowned.
They had been at their house for over a month, and yet they had not seen his pick-up truck pull up to their driveway.
Tali only knew Gibbs as a man on her parents wedding invite list.
"Really?" she asked again.
He nodded.
"Tony had brought a grill," Ziva said. "We usually use it every Saturday. We always over cater. You should come over one weekend."
She was offering the olive branch.
After all she left first. She made them think she was dead.
"Is DiNozzo any good on that grill?" Gibbs asked.
"You will have to come over and find out," Ziva replied.
She had offered the olive branch, but it was his job to take it.
"I didn't want to turn up empty handed," he announced.
Ziva screwed up her face.
"We always have enough food," Ziva said. "And, we can buy the beer you like."
They only wanted him.
They wanted a house filled with people who loved them. Filled with people that Tali could get to know, people who knew her parents before they were her parents.
"Didn't mean that," Gibbs said, as he pulled himself up, leaning on the table.
How had he not been forced to retire yet?
Gibbs wagged his finger encouraging Ziva to follow him.
She did. She had always been the loyal agent.
Gibbs walked toward the door to the basement, and Ziva felt a pang in her gut.
She could hear the thud of Ari's body as it hit the floor.
The smell of sawdust and bourbon as he opened the door, filled Ziva's nostrils.
Gibbs jogged down the stairs, and stood in the center of the basement in front of his newest project.
Ziva studied the basement steps, and looked down at her feet. Sandals were not the ideal shoes for this adventure.
The same step creaked as she reached the landing.
She took in the project.
It was a dining table in a simple farmhouse style.
One that would fit perfectly into the awkward little dining nook in the new house.
It was exactly what she had been looking for.
"What is this?" she asked as she touched the table top. It was still a little rough, but Ziva did not care if she got a splinter.
"A table," Gibbs said. "Your table."
Her table had been built by love.
This was Gibbs' olive branch.
"Did Tony ask you to do this?" she asked.
Even though the table still needed to be sanded and stained, Ziva could already see it opposite the kitchen island, and with a fruit bowl in the middle.
She could see Tali finishing her homework while Ziva cooked dinner.
She could imagine a full table for Passover, with Tali asking the four questions.
She could see rushed breakfasts and lazy dinners for many years to come. Love was sharing a meal together.
"No," Gibbs said. "When he dropped off the invites a couple of weeks ago, he mentioned you two had been looking for a new table, and you hadn't found anything you like."
"The nook is a weird length and sort of narrow," Ziva said. "All the tables I saw reminded me of the meeting rooms at NCIS."
Gibbs chuckled.
"I told DiNozzo that my neighbour was redecorating and might have a table available," Gibbs said. "I asked him for the measurements."
Ziva raised her eyebrows.
Tony had not really understood her insistence that they buy a new dining table right this minute, when they had previously discussed getting furniture for the new house slowly. Just because they technically had three areas to put a couch, did not mean they needed to buy two more couches right now.
For Ziva, the dining table was the center of the house, she might have been a child of the eighties but her Ima always made sure they ate dinner at the table, and Ziva wanted that for her family. On a table that was big enough to be the center of the household.
"So, you built a table instead," Ziva said, as she took a step back, and admired the table again.
"Yeah," Gibbs said, with just a slight smile.
"Thank you," Ziva said softly.
They had come home to so much love. So much kindness.
"It should seat eight," Gibbs said, "Was thinking of building a bench too for when you've got a crowd."
Tears pricked in Ziva's eyes.
She could see packed Passover dinners with the McGee's, Senior and maybe Gibbs. For just a second she could imagine herself thirty years older, with Tali almost the same age Ziva was now, and with another pair of little legs kicking under the table.
Maybe, one day Ziva would be a proud Grandmother, maybe she would pass on her family recipes to her grandchildren.
For so long she had only been able to focus on the day, and getting to the next one unscathed, now she was willing herself to imagine a world far into the future.
"Thank you," she said again.
It did not feel like enough.
For Ziva, a dining table made a place feel like home, the one from their Parisian apartment had only been big enough for the three of them, and perhaps one guest if they squeezed in, but now their bubble had grown.
There needed to be enough room for everyone.
Gibbs knocked on the table top.
"It's good wood," Gibbs said, "It'll definitely outlive me, and probably will outlive you."
Ziva liked to think of this table sitting in a future Tali's dining room, perhaps even passed onto a child of hers.
"You like it?" Gibbs asked.
"It is perfect," Ziva said.
Gibbs smiled.
"It's not done yet," Gibbs said. "Probably be done in a week or two."
"In time for the wedding," Ziva said to herself.
They weren't doing a sit down meal, between the handful of guests under eight, and the various eating habits of their grown-up guests, they had decided to do a buffet.
Ziva could so easily imagine the table pushed against the wall, the bunting they had brought hanging above the table, and the table bountiful with food. The kids having already dug in before the ceremony started.
She could imagine Gibbs in his best suit, with a flower in his lapel, and his arm looped in hers as they walked toward Tony standing under the chuppah.
"Yeah," Gibbs said. "Guess, you can call it a wedding present."
Ziva smiled.
"I'm glad you stopped by," he said. "Need to know what colour you want this."
Gibbs turned to the shelves and picked up some cans of wood stain. He placed them on the table so Ziva could inspect the colours.
One of them looked like it might be pretty close in colour to the dining chairs they already had.
"Can I help stain it?" Ziva asked.
She thought of how amazing it would be to have her breakfast on a table she had been just a small part of helping build.
"Gotta finish sanding it first," Gibbs said.
In her pocket her phone vibrated.
"I am not really dressed for woodwork," Ziva said, as she looked down at her exposed toes, and relatively new clothes. She lived in linen blend pants in the warmer months.
"Yeah," Gibbs said, giving her a once over.
She pulled out her phone, and read the text message. It was from Tony, like almost all of them.
We're ready to rock and roll. How long do you think you'll be.
"I could come over later," Ziva said. "Maybe tomorrow."
Tomorrow was Friday. The three of them had no real plans. Ziva knew she would miss these lazy days, once the leaves started to fall and their lives got busy.
"You gonna bring Tali?" Gibbs asked.
Ziva looked at the table, and imagined Tali helping sand the table under careful supervision. She imagined Tali pointing to the table once it was set up in their dining room, and saying that she helped make it.
"Maybe," Ziva said.
"I need to thank her for the cookies," Gibbs said. "They were good."
Ziva smiled.
"I will talk to Tony," Ziva said.
"It'd be good to see him too," Gibbs said, looking up toward the stairs.
Tony and Gibbs needed to clear the air.
Ziva imagined the three of them piling into the car, and descending onto Gibbs little house, filling it with noise.
"I will talk to him," Ziva said.
Her phone buzzed again, and she read the text.
Don't rush, we're going for snacks. Want anything?
Gibbs nodded.
"I have to go," Ziva said. "I will talk to you later, and let you know if we will be coming over."
Gibbs smiled.
"Thank you," Ziva said, as she took one last long look at the table. It was not finished, but it was evolving, soon it would be a part of their daily life. Part of their home.
She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Gibbs. He lent into the hug.
"I'm glad you're back," he said softly. "Really glad."
"Me too," she whispered, as she broke the hug and bopped Gibbs' nose. He smiled. "I will see you tomorrow."
"See ya kid," Gibbs said.
She moved toward the stairs, and rushed up them. She pressed her phone to her ear, and listened to the dial tone become Tony's voice.
"Hi," Tony said. She could hear his smile. "Where are you hiding?"
A/N:
I don't own a thing.
Thank you for all your kind words/reviews over the past few weeks.
Sorry there was no chapter last week. My state went into a rather sudden lockdown due to COVID, and then came out of it earlier than expected. I could barely concentrate on netflix let alone writing.
Anyway, I know Gibbs is rather polarizing in the fandom at the moment, so this chapter is probably going to spark a range of reactions. Gibbs has definitely made some mistakes with Tony (and Tali) after Ziva left, but he has also been a big part of Tony and Ziva's lives, so he will be a part of their lives in this fic. Though as more of a family friend, than a grandparent figure. Also, I've deliberately made it vague about why Jack is no longer in Gibbs' life, because who knows what the show will do in terms of writing Maria Bello out.
For those of you who don't like Gibbs, he won't be appearing again until the end.
The next chapter will feature Tony and Ziva going on a much needed date.