The incessant tapping was going to drive her mad. The irritating noise had begun the minute she'd dragged herself from bed. There was a steady thrumming in her head thanks to the exorbitant amount of Firewhiskey she'd consumed the night before and it was not helping. Now she remembered why she didn't drink. Not that she'd had much opportunity to indulge in the past.
She tied on her robe, wincing all the way and departed her room. She paused on the way to the kitchen. Leo was awake and babbling to his plush toys. His babbling became more animated when he saw her. She picked him up and winced lightly when he let out a shrill cry of delight.
"Not so loud this morning, lovey." She pressed a kiss to the top of his fine blond head. Hermione tucked him into his seat, intent on coffee and breakfast.
"Harry, you're a saint!" A vial of Pepper-Up potion and a teasing note accompanied it. Hermione didn't care if he made fun, she made quick work of the potion.
Her head cleared and she realized the tapping wasn't only coming from her head. An owl eyed her with annoyance from the other side of her kitchen window.
She quickly opened the window. She recognized the owl of course.
She uncurled the letter as the owl flittered around the kitchen. Some leftover biscuits garnered her attention, and she picked at the crumbs as Hermione read.
Have dinner with me tonight. Mother will watch Leo. – D
Her heart squeezed. It was just so, so Draco that she could have laughed. Two sentences, nothing flowery, completely forthright. So very much like him. Somethings stayed the same, apparently. And that was the problem – because sometimes he was still just so Draco that it hurt. It left her confused and reeling and hopeful.
She could admit she was pleased by the invitation. Despite attempts at being rational, she was excited to hear from him. She'd let her emotions rule her head the other night, and she couldn't regret it. Succumbing to that passion meant not thinking. Just feeling. It was glorious. She could be honest enough with herself that she wanted more. It seemed he did as well. But how far did he want to go? She was quickly falling in love with him again, but did he feel the same? Her heart was quickly and truly tied.
She worried her lip, wondering if he'd somehow found out about her plans. The papers would be sent to her first, of course, for she had initiated the proceedings. It was made the more complicated because there was no case like theirs in the past. The Ministry official had been quite perturbed by the entire thing, particularly because they were bonded, but it seemed as if certain aspects of the contract at least could be amended. Things on that end were moving along. She still hadn't heard much from the oath-breaker, but she was hoping to receive a report soon.
She poured some cereal out for Leo and he happily began to munch. She slumped into a chair, looking at the note. Draco would want a reply, though he hadn't really asked a question.
She scribbled her yes and sent the owl on its return flight. She turned away from the window, her thoughts troubling her. Perhaps she had misread the situation. Perhaps he wasn't as concerned about the past as she was. Maybe those walls were simply holding her back and he wasn't haunted by what had been. It would make sense, as she was the only half of their couple that had any idea of what they had been. And even though there had been secrets and danger and stress, she still missed it. This time around things were so different. This Draco was more open, less haunted, and less troubled by the weights that had held them down in the past. But those had been their struggles, and the fact that they had overcome them had made their relationship even stronger.
Not that she wanted more stress or struggles. But she missed that… depth. That overwhelming connection. It fizzed under the surface, repeatedly drawing her closer to the man he was now. And even though he was more light-hearted now, it was still familiar. Just like his note. This was why she needed to find some closure. All the confusing overlaps. Despite her repeated explanations to her friends, she hadn't explained this. That she'd been drawn to Draco during that dark time because he had struggled. She wasn't sure if they would understand. He had been her greatest pleasure and her greatest despair. And that rollercoaster had defined them.
And now, all of that was history and she would be the only one who remembered it.
From the outside, one wouldn't think he was approaching a ruin. Draco lingered on the pathway, staring hesitatingly ahead. Malfoy Manor. From the outside, it looked the same. Grey stone. Slashing windows. But a closer look revealed the broken windows. Overgrown hedges. Scorch marks. It had an uninhabited look about it too, but then it had never exactly exuded a homey feel. Prestige, elegance, power. But those characteristics seemed to be hanging on by a bare thread. Now it was haunted. Desolate. Sad.
He tried to think of the word home as he made his way up the path, but it didn't fit right. No, when he thought of home, images of toys scattered on the floor popped into his head. Tea with Hermione. Books all around. Those were quickly becoming the meaning of home to him.
He'd avoided coming here since he awoke at St. Mungo's. At first, his reasoning had been that it was best for his mother. After all, she'd treated the place like a toxic wasteland. Which, he supposed, it was. What he did remember of those last months at the Manor wasn't pleasant. Tension. Blood. A constant fear that ate away at him.
So his mother's resolution not to come here had given him the perfect opportunity to avoid his demons. But he knew he couldn't keep avoiding his past. Not if wanted to keep Hermione. And he wanted that, desperately. His subconscious may have had reasons for eliminating her from mind. He no longer cared what those reasons were. There was no dark magic at play. This was his responsibility alone, and he had to find a way to regain his past. He at least had to try.
For months, he'd suspected that it was his mental anguish and pain were tied to the pain of this place. These memories. He remembered the skin-crawling feeling he would get in the presence of his aunt. Her husband. Her brother-in-law. He'd even had brief memories of the Carrows at Hogwarts, but that time too was shrouded in a cloak of mystery. He rubbed his chest as the pain began to unfurl, but still he trudged on.
That night with Hermione had been enlightening. Unfortunately, not in the way he had expected. He wouldn't tell her – couldn't tell her – that a part of him had hoped that his memories would return as well. He was tired of missing out on what they had been. Every time he got closer, each touch, each kiss, it just reminded him that there were gaps. Gaps filled with other kisses. Other sighs. Other moments.
The good came with the bad, though, and he did fear what else he would discover. And he didn't want to get her hopes up. Too many times he'd seen the light shine in her eyes only to be immediately dimmed. He'd been unintentionally causing her pain. He wouldn't do so again.
No one knew of his plans to come here. Or his thoughts on the matter. But he'd been doing his own research, gathering his own thoughts. Somehow, he knew, his memories were tied to this place. He felt an ache thinking of it. A pit opened inside him unleashing despair. He just didn't remember why. Many terrible things had happened here, true. But which of them were tied to Hermione? And why? It seemed highly improbably that she would have been here of all places.
If returning to the Manor was the solution, then he was prepared to face his demons. It was what he needed to do so that their relationship could move forward. If all went well, tonight he could see Hermione as the man she'd once loved, and hopefully still did.
He dragged his feet along the path, more anxious with each step. He could hear the words 'You don't deserve her' ringing in his head, filling him with dread. He shoved open the creaky door. The place was a ruin. Tapestries shredded, lights shattered. He could see blood stains streaked across the foyer. Had nothing been fixed in the place? But there was more to see. He let his feet take him through the familiar halls. He pushed open the door to his father's study. Somehow, it had remained untouched. He could imagine his father sitting in his armchair by the fire, cane by his side. There were still papers on the desk. Books on the shelves. As if his father would be coming back to it in a moment. Draco knew better. The man had been his idol, once upon a time. He'd feared him. Wanted to be him. But now, Draco just wanted to forget him.
He swallowed heavily, shutting the door firmly behind him. He wandered aimlessly to the stairs, wondering about his old room and what he would find there. But his feet slowed as he neared the staircase. The double-door entrance to the ballroom was firmly shut. His heart picked up such a pace he thought he might pass out, but he ignored its frantic beating. He shoved at the heavy doors. Almost numb, he walked in. It was dark, the heavy curtains having been left shut. His eyes adjusted gradually as he made his way, but his mind remembered the room clearly enough.
He made it past the pillars he used to hide behind as a child when he would sneak in to watch the many parties his parents had hosted. He made it past the doors to the veranda where he'd had his first kiss with Daphne Greengrass when they were ten. He made it past the piano he'd never learned to play but had greedily wanted. The pain behind his eyes grew worse with each step.
It was when he saw the chandelier in a shattered heap on the floor that he finally collapsed, cries of pain echoing in his head.
Hermione hustled out of the doors from her office at the Ministry. She was already half an hour late. She thanked Merlin that Narcissa had offered to come early to give Hermione time to 'make herself presentable'. Where on earth was Draco taking her? Narcissa seemed to think that this was definitely some kind of statement to the Wizarding World that she and Draco were reunited. In fact, she wouldn't be surprised if the Malfoy matriarch hadn't dropped a word or two to the press.
Another twinge of guilt ate at Hermione. Narcissa was naturally unaware of her plans and would be disappointed in the turn of events. But if things were to go well, and she and Draco could find a future together, certainly the witch would understand?
Doubtful. Maybe Hermione would let her draft the wedding announcement.
Hermione could have smacked herself in the head. Wedding announcement? Was she daft? She was initiating divorce proceedings for merlin's sake. Yes, it was all for the right reasons, but she should at least let it all settle before jumping ahead like that.
But she had to admit that the thought put a little thrill in her step. She was excited to see Draco tonight. It already felt like a new beginning. No more avoiding each other. No more hiding their relationship from anyone and everyone. It would certainly be different for them. Though she still treasured those clandestine meetings, the efforts put into each one just so they could be together, it was a relief not to hide anymore. Having everything out in the open made things easier. Made her other relationships easier. She laughed as she thought about Ron actually telling her to stay married to Draco Malfoy.
She hustled through her front door, calling out as she went down the hallway. "I know, I'm late, he'll be expecting me. I got caught up. I'm going straight to change."
She didn't wait to hear what Narcissa might say, hoping that the witch would stay with Leo and not come into her room to question her about tonight's activities. Or any other activities for that matter. It wouldn't be the most uncomfortable conversation they'd ever have, but it was certainly not something she wanted to talk to Draco's mother about.
She bathed and dressed in record time. It was as she was slipping on her earrings that she made her way back out of her room. A quick kiss for Leo and she could be on her way. She was meeting Draco at his mother's flat before they went… wherever they were going.
Hermione frowned. It was a little quiet. Leo should have been having his supper by now, but there was no noise from the kitchen.
"Perhaps she took him to her flat," Hermione murmured to herself as she wandered a little absent-mindedly down the hall. Hermione was almost surprised to find herself outside of Leo's room. She was more surprised to find his door firmly shut.
As dread began to chill her, she gripped her wand and shoved the door open, eyes sweeping the room in a panic.
Narcissa was in a crumpled heap at the base of Leo's crib.
"My god," Hermione swooped to the floor, checking her vitals. She was breathing, thank merlin, and her pulse was weak, but there. Hermione shot to her feet. She had to call for help.
But first, she would grab Leo. She moved to crib, moving his blanket… only Leo wasn't there.
"No." Hermione's voice cracked and shook and if she was anyone else, she would have crumpled in that moment. She paused, debating whether to check for him in the rest of the house, but she knew better. Logic reigned. Someone had set this up. The crib, they made it look like he was sleeping. Narcissa had most likely followed the same path, straight for Leo, only to be caught off guard… Hermione's eyes swept the room again. Her back would have been to the rocking chair.
And there it was. Sitting in the rocking chair was Leo's treasured dragon plush. And a note. Addressed to her.
She picked it up with shaking hands.
Miss Granger,
I realize that this may not be the appropriate title, but I refuse to refer to you as anything else. You have taken something from me, so I have done the same in turn. Still, we have unfinished business. This note is a Portkey and has been charmed to activate exactly twenty seconds after you have touched it. Should you wish to see your son again, I would not attempt to let go and seek help.
L.M.
There was no time for anything else. Eyes closed, heart pummeling into her stomach, Hermione clutched her wand as she felt the familiar tug from the Portkey.
AN: Hello all! I struggled a bit with this chapter and I think it was because I felt that Chapter Nine needed some tweaking. So I went back and made some changes. Nothing that would change the plot, but it will be a little different if anyone rereads it. As always, thank you for reading!