"So..." Issei gulped. "Tell me again how this is gonna work?"
Within the confines of the Gutsy Toad, Naruto grinned widely and explained it to him one more time. "Well, princess here." Naruto gestured to the stoic redhead and her peerage standing at the far left corner of the room. "Is about to get married to some dude, and the only way for her to not marry this dude, apparently, is by beating that dude and his friends to a bloody pulp. Now normally I'd be the one doing that, but you two." Bright blue eyes jumped between Issei and Vali. "Need to start pulling your own weight around here. I already gave Vali his mission, so this one falls on you Issei."
"Okay, I get that part. But why do you have to kill me to do it?" He asked with an unusual calm about him.
Rias took it upon herself to answer the teen's question. "I can't use my evil piece on you, not while you're alive at least. While you're dying however, we can make a pact and I can then resurrect you as a member of my peerage. This way you will be able to fight by my side during my match with Riser."
Evil piece? What the hell was that?
"On the other-hand. You're taking this all rather well, Issei-kun." Akeno added, a smirk on her face.
He shrugged. "I die at least once a week, every week. It's no big deal by now."
. . .
Akeno was left, impressively enough, speechless.
Rias would have continued her explanation of things, had she not felt a tug at the edge of her skit. She spared a glance down and was rather surprised to see something she thought she'd never witness in years.
Koneko was frowning. No, scowling more like. "President, kill that man." She pointed a finger to the grinning Naruto.
Rias deadpanned in response, caught completely off-guard by the request.
Next to her, the only male of the group, another blond who looked too pretty to be a boy placed a comforting hand over the ashen haired girls shoulder. A weak smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "Ah, Koneko, I don't think president can do that. This guy is suppose to help us out, remember?"
"No. He need's to die."
As for the blond in question, he only smiled and waved. "Yo, Shirone! Good to see you again! I didn't even notice you were here you're so darn tiny. How'd that talk go?"
All at once, four pairs of eyes simultaneously widened.
How does he know about that?! Was the only thought that crossed Rias's mind.
Naruto blinked owlishly at the sudden tension that had quickly overtaken the room. The smile on his face flipping upside down as a result. "What? Did I do something wrong again?" He questioned with a tilt of his head.
"When are you ever doing something right?" A disembodied voice echoed.
Rias and her peerage tensed even further.
"Oh, no, nonono. I forgot...I fucking forgot. Oh no not again..." Vali dropped to his knees, a visible shaking to his prone form. That really didn't help the situation in the slightest.
Rias exchanged a nervous glance with Akeno, who was already gathering as much magical energy as possible in the event of a surprise attack.
"Vali..." The voice taunted, entirely void of any actual mirth, or emotion. "By the look on your face, I'd say you forgot to buy me the latest issue of jump. Tsk tsk, I'm very disappointed in you..." Out of seemingly nowhere, a child appeared, dressed in all black with strikingly violet-milky eyes. Her tiny body hovering behind the collapsed wielder of the vanishing dragon as if held up by strings. "You realize you'll have to pay for this, don't you? I want a pound of sweets, you know the kind, and the latest issue, by tonight. Do this and you'll live to see another day."
"A-Ah, actually big sis, b-big bro already gave me—"
"—I don't care what Naruto told you to do. I'm telling you to do something, and you will get it done regardless."
Vali turned a weak glance to the aforementioned blond, expecting some type of help, only to find him casually making conversation with the rest of Rias's peerage with his back turned to him. Big bro...why?
"So, your name's Kiba? I knew a Kiba, really good friend of mine. One of the best. Smelled like a dog though, but I mean that in a good way!"
The pretty blond boy smiled sheepishly and nodded along while trying his best to make sense of the entire situation. Two heavenly dragons, a midget who could make both of them quiver and this guy. Reality warping powers aside, it was pretty easy to tell this particular group wasn't anything to mess with. To think Issei of all people would be apart of such an eccentric troupe.
Life was strange indeed.
"Oh! Ophis! I didn't see you there you're so darn tin—" Ophis smiled and flashed a picture of Naruto cuddling the giant claw of the Great Red while the two slept. To which Naruto instantly shut his mouth. "Never-mind."
Ophis nodded happily. "Tonight, Vali." She warned before floating over to Naruto's side.
I think I liked her better when she was a power-mad tyrant. At least then she didn't boss me around as much... He thought to himself. Internally, his own dragon agreed. The months he'd spent with the Khaos Brigade were fun. If only because he was always flexing his muscle against worthy opponents.
Speaking of the Brigade... Hmm, I wonder what ever happened to the rest of those guys? He gave a mental shrug. Oh well, probably not important.
. . .
Cough.
Rias, who had spent the better part of a week trying to find the elusive blond, was promptly fed-up. She'd be getting some answers, right here and now! Starting with how he knew Koneko's real name! "This has gone on long enough! I demand that—"
"—Hellooo! Naruto, are you in?" The familiar chimes echoed and two more joined the party, one of them the ruin princess knew very well. Primarily because it was her older brother, the current Lucifer himself, dressed in a casual but still very much classy red suit. "I found this cool taco stand by the north-end of the city, the locals love it! Now I know what you're thinking, tacos? In japan? Preposterous! No, but seriously, you should come check it out with us. Oh, hey Rias!"
Sirzech swooned and forgot all about the taco stand the second his eyes fell on his beloved younger sister.
It was enough to make Azazel sick. "We really have to work on that sister-complex of yours." The fallen commented off-hand. Highly disturbed by the sight of one of the most powerful beings in existence rolling over on his back like a well-trained dog for his younger sibling. Thousands of years alive and he was still seeing new things every century. Ah, what a grand gift life and all its freedoms were.
"Hey-yo! Did you guys say tacos? I haven't had those since my trip to South America. Hell yeah I'm tagging along!"
"Brother..." Rias's brow twitched. "What kind of sick joke are you playing at here?" Wasn't that the super dangerous guy who she should stay away from at all costs he was asking out for authentic Mexican cuisine right now?
"Ah, well, you see Rias. Naruto isn't really that bad of a guy. Bat-shit insane? Maybe. But not a bad guy." Sirzech said whilst blinking down at his peeved sister with wide, suspiciously innocent eyes. She'd probably never let him live this down.
"Maybe?" Kiba echoed. "More like definitely."
"Yeah! Sirzech and I bonded pretty damn well the last time he was here. He even made a contract with me!" Naruto grinned.
At the mention of the contract, the redhead devil winced. "...I thought we weren't going to talk about that?" Sirzech mumbled weakly.
"Oh come on, it wasn't that bad. My clones and I really enjoyed it! And Azazel—"
"—Was too drunk to remember and doesn't ever want to talk about it again. Thank the Lord..." he trailed off, brow furrowed as he thought back to the other nights events.
Sirzech, plus karaoke, equals a very bad headache for his alcohol induced brain. Throw in a room full of cheering-clapping Naruto clones as the audience and it was all just a little too much for him. His only conciliation to his pain that night was the fact that Ophis was idly torturing Vali by making him dust the same spot on the counter, over and over again.
Yeah, something about seeing that boy suffer after the lies he had been telling was more than just a good time. It was the sort of righteous justice only the likes only Raguel herself could've delivered.
"This has gotten rather off-topic, hasn't it?" Akeno said aloud, her arms crossing underneath her ample chest.
Next to her, Kiba wholeheartedly agreed with the queen piece. "It would seem he has a way of attracting oddities to him. Doesn't it?"
"Who? Issei, or Uzumaki?"
"Both." Was his curt reply.
"Alright fellas let's be on our way! Ophis, are you coming?"
The infinite dragon god sighed. "I don't have much of a choice now do I?" Delivering a final glare to the still collapsed Vali, Ophis allowed a rare smirk to turn the corners of her lips up when the already pale teen turned ghostly white.
"Oh crap! That reminds me." Before anyone could react, Naruto was behind Issei, and by the time Issei next blinked. He took note of the bloodied arm sticking out from his chest.
"G-Gah! C-Couldn't you *wheeze* have been *gasp* a little cl—cleaner?" He mumbled through the blood pouring out of his mouth.
"Nope!" Naruto chirped, even as Issei's prone form dropped to its knees and then unceremoniously fell onto the ground. "Vali! Clean the blood up before you head out, and you." He pointed a finger to the shocked Rias. "Relax, that was an insta-kill, he didn't feel a thing. Now make with the resurrecting before I change my mind."
For a second, the redhead didn't respond. Until her mind finally made sense of what had just occurred.
"Later!"
But before she could verbally state what exactly was wrong with what Naruto had just done to a human kid, the blond, along with the three other godly beings—her brother included—outright vanished without a trace. Leaving a bloody Issei behind with a hyperventilating Vali who was as of now desperately searching for a mop with renewed vigor.
"We should have killed him..." Koneko trailed off.
"I don't think we would have stood a chance. I mean, I didn't even see him get behind Issei." Kiba added with an apologetic smile.
"That guy... He gives me the creeps."
Both of the younger teens turned an eye to the smiling Akeno. A single raised brow the only indication of how shocked Koneko really was to hear those words. If she, the sadistic queen, of all people was saying that, then it was true. No doubt about it. That guy was on a whole different level...
"Who was that old dude with Sirzech, anyway? He looked familiar somehow. I can't quite put my finger on it though." Akeno mused aloud, more to herself.
"Yo, you all know he doesn't have much time left right?" Vali, being the ever responsible one, decided to inform the group of their future members current state of being. Namely that their window was running short and soon, Issei would be dead for-real. As he watched them spring into action, their current thought process broken. The teen breathed out a sigh of relief.
If that girl would've figured out who Azazel was, boss would never hear the end of it from her. Now knowing that his work was done and his good deed in the name of big bro was accomplished. He happily returned to cleaning his training-partner/rivals pool of blood from the ground. I really hope this won't stain...
"Did you really have to do that?" Azazel asked the horned blond sitting across from him.
"Of course I didn't, but three of the nine voices in my head said I should. So I did!" He grinned, and the fallen leader groaned in response.
"Aye, why did I even ask..."
The four were now chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool. Ophis sat to Naruto's left, an authentic Mexican sombrero over her head that did an excellent job of blocking the suns rays. Sirzech and Azazel sat across from them, side by side, the redhead mimicking the infinite dragon gods choice in hat attire.
"Man! This place really is great! And pretty damn cheap too, I might bring Grafiya and Millicas here sometime." He let out a blissful sigh. "Ahhh, times of peace sure are great, aren't they?"
Ophis spared the current Lucifer a glance. "Peace? Last I heard the devils, fallen-angels, and heaven were at the stand-by awaiting the next great war. Not even the minor gods are making any moves right now with how tense it is."
Sirzech blinked, and then frowned. "Ah, of course you'd know that. I forgot what it was you were up to before Naruto took you under his wing..."
The girl frowned. "First off, I am not 'under his wing'. I'm merely appeasing the terms of my contract." Here, her eyes narrowed. "And second, don't think you can speak to me so carelessly, little devil. I could easily annihilate you and the whole of your army on my worst day. Remember that."
The threat would have normally put Sirzech on edge, much like before when he knew nothing of Naruto and the Great Red disappearance. However, it was exactly because of Naruto that he knew that threat would remain just that—a threat. For now at least.
"There's a war happening?" Naruto asked through a mouthful of burrito.
"Was." Azazel elaborated. "It's more of a stale-mate now. The only reason the great war ended in the first place was because both sides took too many losses. Throughout the years however, all three factions have slowly regained some of their power. Now it's just a waiting game to see who deals the first blow."
Sirzech nodded. "Not to mention the newer players. Some of the other gods have already made moves. All of them vying for dominance over humanity."
At that, Naruto allowed a rare frown to turn the corners of his lips down. "Dominance over humanity? Why?"
"Because humans, believe it or not, amplify our power. Devils and fallen-angels grow stronger with each sin and angels with prayer. It's the same for everyone else as well. The more humanity believes in, or fears us. The stronger we get." Sirzech sighed. "Of course we're already strong enough as it is. I don't see why most of our kind dream of more power. It only breeds destruction."
Naruto clicked his tongue, his eyes closing as he spoke. "How many of your kind think like that?"
"Unfortunately, a lot..." Sirzech trailed off.
"It can't be helped. You're devils, by nature you will always lust for more." Azazel said. "The devil faction is currently split down the middle—although not everyone in the underworld is aware of the fact. And I myself may be the leader of the fallen, but we are exactly that, the fallen. I can't keep them all in line and they have their own agendas. You fixed this with Kokabiel and Vali, but there are many more."
Naruto put a hand up to stop him. "Say no more, being a leader doesn't mean you or the people you lead are perfect. Back home, even the strongest most respected of shinobi, the Hokage. They all had the occasional roach living with them." A nasty scowl replaced the frown. "A few of those roaches were damn hard to kill too..." A grin instantly lit up his face. "But that's all in the past! So, you're at the brink of war! Great! War always attracts customers."
Ophis would've bonked him in the head had she cared enough too. A scoff however was more than enough. "A war like this one will end up killing all of your customers instead." She added as an afterthought.
Naruto made a face. "No more customers?!"
Azazel nodded his head. "The infinite dragon god is right. The last war brought about the end of God himself and the original Lucifer. Two of the most powerful beings in the world. The latter was more of a blessing since it allowed Sirzech and his generation to come to power. But the loss of God...needless to say, it still hurts us.
All of us." He put a hand to his chest and frowned.
"Just how strong were these two? God and the OG Lucifer?" Naruto asked, the question faintly prodding at him from within.
Surprisingly, it was Ophis that answered him. "He was strong. Strong enough to make even the Great Red listen. I met both of them when He was still young, and Lucifer was still known as the morning-star, Helel. Before the seal, His power was seemingly endless— nfinite even. Much like our own. After the sealing He lost much of his strength but was still a force to be reckoned with."
"Damn." Naruto whistled. "Sounds like a cool guy."
"Father was eccentric, odd, and more than likely insane—but cool? He most certainly was not." Azazel said, his thoughts drifting back to happier times.
"You guys have been alive for a long time haven't you?"
Sirzech shrugged. "I'm actually the youngest here besides yourself. Azazel's been around since the birth of time, and Ophis was one of the very first beings to ever even exist in our universe."
Naruto glanced at the twelve year old. "...You know, now that I know just how old you are. It makes me wonder. You're some kind of sick freak aren't you?" He himself was still a teenager physically, granted with the mental age of around nine-hundred if you add up all the biju's memories. But these guys! We're talking in the thousands, maybe even the hundred-thousands!
That was ridiculous!
"I choose whatever form suits my tastes. I like feeling young, and children are often underestimated. Even you made that mistake when we first met."
"Actually, I was just wondering how a kid managed to wander into my store. I didn't underestimate you at all. In fact, I could literally taste the power rolling off you. You're not very subtle you know. Besides, I don't underestimate anyone ever." He let the topic drop shortly after and switched back to his first question. "A war, huh?" He spared a glance at the half-eaten burrito, and sighed. "Suddenly I don't feel very hungry."
War.
Every bit of him disliked the word.
"We've been trying our best at an actual peace talk for years now, but so far none but a few have agreed to it. Micheal's got his hands-full just trying to run heaven, the devils don't listen to reason, only power, and my kind are...well, selfish. To say the least."
Naruto hummed aloud. "Yeah...that's one helluva cluster-fuck I'll tell you what."
People passed, laughter echoed within his ears, and the sun beat down on them all equally. Why couldn't the world just be okay with that? Why did people always want more?
"I suppose we can take things one step at a time then." Naruto began after the silence had passed. "How are you coming along on what you owe me Sirzech?"
The super devil knew this was coming and was fully prepared for it. "It's all set. You start tomorrow."
Ophis spared the blond a glance. "That reminds me...what did you ask for as payment?"
Naruto grinned like a fox. The odd marks on his cheek crinkling as he did so. For a second, he almost looked like the textbook definition of a scoundrel. "Oh, nothing important. Don't worry about it...this time around you won't have to get involved."
Her brow rose, but she didn't question it much either way. If she wasn't involved then she simply did not care. "Well! With all of that being said let's finish our food! It's gonna be an exciting week for all of us!" He cheered.
Two simultaneous groans followed, while Sirzech raised a glass in response.
"Yeah! Let's get hammered and eat tacos!"
And so they did.
Ophis was just a few inches shy of enjoying some cold brew, when Naruto snatched the drink away and shook his finger. "You can't drink with us, Ophis-chan. You're still a kid." he playfully taunted the pre-teen.
With a frown, Ophis clapped her hands. One very odd, very disturbing session—that none of them would ever be forgetting for as long as they lived—later, and a brand new, much older and much more developed Ophis sat in the same chair. She gingerly reached out and took the drink from a shell-shocked Naruto's hands and then gave a sultry smile at the sight of their flustered expressions.
"I'd say I'm old enough now, neh, beloved older brother?" She purred.
Neither Naruto nor Sirzech could speak, both for different and yet disturbingly similar reasons. The latter was trying his best to pick his loosened jaw up from the ground all the while.
"Nice jugs." Azazel said with a half-grin. Raising his drink up in appreciation.
"Thank you."
A few feet away, an old man had a heart-attack at the sight. Whether it was because of the morphing or the cleavage?
We'll never know...
Issei straightened his posture as the chatter of the classroom slowly dwindled. The room door slid open and in stepped the current chairman of the school. Which was an odd, but not entirely foreign event. This can only mean one thing... A new student! I hope she's a beautiful girl with even more beautiful breasts!' Stars grew in his eyes as his mind began to wander to more inappropriate places.
No doubt it would be a nice change after last nights events. Getting another hole blown through his chest and being reincarnated as a devil of all things was a far cry from his ideal day. Hopefully his luck would soon change.
Already the excited chatter filled the room as the rest of the students discussed who the student could be. Or more importantly, their gender. When the arguably short man in a grey suit stepped onto the podium at the center of the classroom, he coughed one time to gather everyone's attention before speaking.
"Hello class. I regret to inform you that Takasugi-sensei has been transferred to a different school. It was a rather last minute and unexpected decision but we were able to accommodate nonetheless. So there's no need to worry! Your new teacher is very young, and highly recommended by our board. I've heard he's a prodigy. So you're in good hands. In addition to this, you'll also have a new student joining you!
Now then, please give a warm welcome to your new classmate, Vali Lushifer! And to your new teacher, Naruto Uzumaki!"
Issei paled.
"Boss! Why the hell do I have to fucking do this?! I'm smart enough as it is! I don't need no stinking school!"
"Shut it! Think about the future, damn you. How are you ever gonna beat me if you can't even graduate high school?"
Together, two familiar faces entered the room. And all at once Issei's entire world came crashing down on him.
This was it. Game over. Naruto showed up in his room without warning. He ate breakfast with his family. Hung out with his mom for Christ sake! The only safe place he had left. His only haven, it was here! At school!
And now...
"Hey everyone! You can just call me Naruto-sensei! I don't really like formalities and all that so if you don't, I'll fail you!" He grinned. "Anyway, I trust we'll all be getting along nicely so please treat me well!"
Next to the blond in the dashing orange and black suit, the ivory haired teen wearing the standard Kuoh uniform scowled. "Don't talk to me. Don't even look at me, and if any of you disrespect big bro here... I'll kill you."
The now deathly-quiet classroom was broken out of their stupefied states by the loud 'thunk' of Issei's head unceremoniously dropping over his desk.
Oh God, why? A sharp pain shot through his head at the mention of Him. Oh...that's right...I'm a devil. Even God won't help me now.