TRIGGER WARNINGS: The following themes are in this fic: self-harm, addiction, homophobia, abuse, abandonment, self-destructive behaviors and thoughts, suicidal thoughts. If you are not into serious angst, depression and dark fics, feel free to skip this one.

Chapter 8: Homesick: POV Blaine

Blaine's mother every year on the first weekend of October would host a fall gathering. It was meant to be a kind of party where she could invite all their church friends, and his father's firm partners over to celebrate the beginning of Fall at their gorgeous house that sat on 20 acres of land with plenty of oak trees. It was her version of a holiday party and it was always something his mother looked forward to every year. It was a socialite event, and he knew it was his mother's way of showing off their family "success", but Blaine hated it. He hated the small talk, and the microscope he would always be put under, but knew that it was a sacrifice he had to make to please his parents and so he always went.

He had been so distracted with ocean eyes, that he almost forgot about it. Thank goodness he had always been extra prepared and had three planners to remind him. He had taken off work and school that Friday, knowing he would need the time to pack, get a haircut, and catch his flight. He knew he had to be on his A game this weekend, and therefore, since having seen Kurt had tried his best to keep himself as busy as possible. Wednesday, he finished every assignment he had due, including starting a midterm project that wasn't due for another week. Thursday, he had a busy day, with meetings back to back and when he got back to his apartment at 10pm, choose to go get in a workout at his apartment gym just to look and feel his best this weekend. He also could feel himself needing to release some tension and didn't want to think of those blue eyes that kept haunting him. For Blaine, working out was his therapy when he needed it, and it helped him remain in shape. He never wanted to look like a slob.

By the time Friday rolled around he was exhausted, but he pushed through. He took a caffeine pill, had some coffee and moved on. By the time he was getting buckled into his seat on the plane he was a new man. Slight stubble, a very clean haircut, and had packed outfits for the weekend that made him look much older. He wanted to impress his father and mother and their friends, and in a way prove that he was turning out to be a success. But he was also exhausted. And knew his exhaustion would only get worse. As he sat through his flight, he couldn't help but think of a world in which he wasn't constantly working to be successful. A world where he didn't have to prove his worth. A world where he wasn't always questioning whether or not he was enough. A world where he could just be. He then reprimanded himself for thinking so selfishly and reminded himself that "Confidence is silent."

Blaine landed in Ohio and was thankful he was able to nap on the plane so he would hopefully not look as exhausted as he felt. He got an Uber and an hour later arrived at his childhood home on the outskirts of Bellfontaine Ohio. It was a small town about an hour out from Columbus. Bellfontaine was the kind of town that only had one high school, one catholic parish where 75 percent of the town goes for church and it was the kind of place where everywhere you looked there was an American flag and a cross. It was the perfect Midwest American town and the majority of people who lived there worked in the Columbus area and therefore, the town had a large amount of wealth in comparison to the rest of Ohio. It was where his parents met and married, and after his father moved up to an executive level in his law firm his parents had bought one of the most expensive homes there. It was Blaine's worst nightmare. Blaine had a good childhood; it wasn't until he started to notice he was different that life in a small town got difficult. It wasn't until the incident occurred that it made it unbearable to live there. And it wasn't until he was out of Ohio that he realized how much he hated going back there.

It was around 6pm and as he walked into the house with his small rolling suitcase he looked around and couldn't help but find a hint of comfort in the smell of baked apples, and vanilla which reminded him of the happiest parts of his childhood. He had come in through the middle of the house and was standing in the large hallway that connected the east wing and the west wing. The house was huge and was similar to the white house in the fact that the floor level wings connected through a hallway lined with French doors. During the summer his mother would open the doors and let the breeze carry through the house. He slipped off his coat and shoes and left them on his suitcase against the hallway wall. He started walking into the kitchen, located in the east wing of the house and soon found his mother in one of her frilly aprons, taking several Apple pies out of the oven. She was delighted to see him.

"Oh Blaine, it's so good to see you!" He knew it had to have been at least six months. And smiled back saying, "Oh it's good to see you too mom. You know how busy I've been. But I'm excited for your party tomorrow." He knew she really didn't care to listen to him describe his life, and therefore she took the opportunity to talk all about her party tomorrow. By the time he knew it she had been talking for an hour, whilst moving about the kitchen in her frilly apron.

Shae Grace Anderson was a short and thin Filipino woman. She had light skinned with an olive undertone, big brown eyes, and long dark hair that had a natural wave to it. She had been adopted by a wealthy couple here in America, in part due to how gorgeous she was, and how light her skin color was for an Asian. She had never known anything different than the wealth and privilege afforded to her by her father and husband. She grew up in the catholic church and therefore felt as though she had a moral purpose to be kind and save those who have gone astray and therefore, she volunteered a lot in the community. She was the perfect housewife and a great mother. But she had always lacked the ability to voice her opinion when necessary. She was the result of a long line of men in charge and therefore, even when she disagreed with her husband, she always went along with his choices.

Her husband's choices weren't in support of their son. And even though she disagreed she always followed behind her husband, and therefore, treats her son like her husband does. It pains her and Blaine knows it, and therefore he respects her distance from him and tries to be careful as to what they discuss and how he makes her feel.

She had just finished putting another two pies in the oven when she looked over at Blaine sitting on a chair next the counter. "Blaine honey, you don't have to sit and listen to me talk your ear off. Would you like to go upstairs and get settled?" Blaine was thankful she was aware of herself and replied, "Mom, you are so kind. What room would you like to me to stay in?" His mom looked at him as though he were a crazy person. "Honey, there are plenty of rooms in this house, just choose one and get settled in. You are my only kid after all." Blaine relieved at that answer then excused himself, grabbed his luggage, shoes, and jacket from the hall, and thanked his mother before going up the back steps that connected the kitchen and upstairs east wing of the house. He went up and selected his favorite room in the house. It was gaudy, but everything in the house was, so he was fine with it. What he liked most about this room was the fact that it was in the far east corner of the house. It had a big window seat that overlooked the trees and backyard and the sun rise always peaked in. It also had a rather large on sweet bathroom which was nice, and it was farthest away from his mother and father so he would have plenty of privacy.

He changed into comfortable clothes and was a little hungry but too tired to eat anything. He just wanted to sleep and even though he was nervous and not looking forward to the party tomorrow he knew he would still sleep sound. As he laid down to sleep, he couldn't help but worry. Tomorrow he'd be under a microscope and although he had worked his butt off to be able to impress, he never enjoyed the judgement. He also always knew that in the back of people's heads they were thinking about him like he was some sort of disease and it hurt more than he would ever admit. And as he fell asleep and tear slipped down his cheek.