Big thanks to Miss Hadley for her help!

Speaking of Hadley, she and jayhawkbb (KJ Hawk) are hosting a vampfic contest—THIRST. They're accepting entries through the end of November. The contest page is listed under my "Favorite Authors" on FFn, so if you wanna read the entries or submit your own, check out the page for details! And if you're so inclined, leave some love on the entries already posted. :)

Thanks for coming to my Ted talk (and thanks for reading this chapter! lol). See you Wednesday!

Chapter Seven

I hate you.

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.

I feel hands on me, gently shaking me awake.

Baby.

"Bella."

I wake up, disoriented. My heart pounds as I gain my bearings. It's dark. I'm on a couch. But I'm not at home. I'm in an unfamiliar place, and when I see Edward crouched next to me, it all starts coming back.

"You were having a nightmare," he tells me, watching my face in concern.

"I don't have nightmares," I counter, embarrassment sinking in that I'm here at all.

He settles until he's sitting on the carpet, right by the couch, so our faces are level with one another. I realize after a moment that he was sleeping on the floor, and Pepper is curled near my feet.

My heart rate slows, and I lie back against the pillow. There's a blanket over me, which had to have been his doing. I find it oddly comforting to know he looked after me.

"I didn't mean to fall asleep here," I murmur.

Memories fill my mind of talking to him until I was drowsy enough to doze. It's not like I really tried to leave, though. I could have gone home. Then again, he could have woken me, too.

All he does is shrug. "Don't worry about it."

"What time is it?"

"After four in the morning."

Fuck. Rose must be worried sick. Or maybe she doesn't know I'm not there. I can't exactly leave now. Not until the curfew is lifted at five. This was something my father put in place when he became Mayor. Nothing good happens after ten p.m., he'd said. It did lower the violence, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't the tiniest bit suffocating.

Edward stifles a yawn, and I turn to lay on my side, fully facing him. Pepper must not like the movement because she meows sleepily at me before walking up my body and wedging herself between my back and the couch.

"I think she likes you," Edward says softly.

"She's sweet."

We stare at one another for a long moment. We're not that far apart, and in the darkness, I find his proximity comforting. I would never admit this to him, though.

"You won't tell anyone I was here, will you?"

"No," he promises. "I can't speak for Pepper, though. She might tell all her friends."

I smile a little at this, but the worry is still there. "What about your mom?"

"She doesn't know you're here."

"Okay." I rub my eyes. "I wasn't having a nightmare," I insist again. "I just… I don't know what they are."

"Dreams?"

"Maybe. Sometimes they feel like… like memories." I don't know why I tell him this because it feels too personal. But I can't take it back now.

"Memories of what?" he whispers.

"I don't know. The dreams are hard to hold onto once I wake up."

"Hmm." He regards me for a moment. "I know I lied about feeling faint, but you lied, too."

I frown at his words. "What?"

When he lifts his hand, his fingers trace lightly behind my left ear. I nearly shy away, but I stop myself. His touch is warm, gentle, and my skin tingles and burns.

I almost find myself leaning into his hand.

I almost crave more.

"Oh, that." I swallow when he finally pulls away.

"Oh," he echoes, smiling a little. "That."

"It doesn't matter."

All he does is stare. "Why'd you really call me yesterday?" he asks, and in the darkness of the room, I feel bold. Like anything shared between us will be safe.

"Because I was checking on you."

It's not untrue.

"Be honest. Please?" His voice is desperate, and I feel the urge to give him whatever he wants.

"There was this girl at the clinic." I stop, letting my fingers play with the hair tie that's still on my wrist. "I… I can't actually tell you anything. Legally."

"I won't tell anyone, Bella."

It's tempting to confide in him, so I leave out names. "She's almost eighteen. We performed the Procedure. Her parents had us remove the memories of her baby." Even just saying it makes my bones vibrate with anger.

"Why?"

I can't look at him. "They made her put him up for adoption—not really sure why. I guess they wanted the Procedure done because they thought she'd try finding him, or… or maybe they just wanted to save her from the pain of giving him up." I try spinning it that way, but even I don't believe that.

"That's bullshit," Edward breathes out.

He's right.

It is.

But this is just another thing I won't admit to him.

"It shook me a little." I do admit that, though. "She was so scared. So sad and just... heartbroken."

Feeling exposed by the way Edward's staring at me, I rein my emotions in.

"But I guess that's why the Procedure is so important. We aren't meant to have feelings like that," I mumble, feeling self-conscious. "She's better off. Truly."

"You don't believe that." It's a statement, but I look away.

"I used to," I say sadly. "I still do, it's just—it feels different. I don't know why."

"So, how does all of that come back to me? Why'd you come here?"

"That part is harder to explain."

"Will you try? Please?"

I inhale deeply, taking my time to find the right words.

"I guess, I just... feel safe with you." My heart leaps out of my chest at the tender expression on his face. "Because… because I know you don't agree with the government. I can't exactly tell my best friend or anyone else about how wrong I thought yesterday was. Especially with whom my father is."

A look of recognition flashes over his face. He doesn't ask who my father is, so he must know.

It's not like I was hiding it.

He never asked, so I never told.

"I understand," is all he says.

"Yeah."

"You are, you know. Safe with me. You can tell me anything."

Relief washes over me, and gratitude fills my chest. "Thank you."

It's tempting to fall back asleep, but I don't dare. I need to leave as soon as possible to do damage control in case Rose realizes I never made it home.

"I should—" I carefully move to stand, leaving Pepper in my spot on the couch.

"It's not quite five, yet," he points out and stands, too.

"I know."

"So… coffee?" he asks, running a hand through his hair. He looks tired, and I wonder if he slept at all.

"Coffee would be helpful. Thanks."

We move into the kitchen. His house is small, only necessities fill the space. I think of my own place and how extravagant it is.

"Where do you live?" he asks, like he's reading my mind.

I sit at the tiny kitchen table. There are only three chairs, and one side is pushed up against the wall to save space.

"Sort of near campus," I tell him.

"Apartment?"

"House."

He whistles. "Bet it's fancy, huh?"

"It's okay."

I twist some hair around my finger, my gaze on him. It's an oddly soothing process to watch him boil the water and gather the mugs. It's calming to see him carefully pour the water over coffee grounds. The steam, the smell. All of it relaxes me.

Then he moves to the fridge and adds milk to one mug and pours in a little sugar, the spoon clinking against ceramic as he stirs.

It strikes me as odd because that's exactly how I take my coffee. Then again, maybe it's for him.

He carries the mugs over and sets them both on the table before sitting down.

"Pick one," he tells me, eyes nearly twinkling.

I choose the one with milk and sugar, and he smiles as he gladly takes the one without.

XXX

As I tiptoe around my own home, relief settles in when I realize Rose must still be asleep. This is good because I hadn't thought of a single believable excuse for being gone all night.

She can never know.

No one can know.

And I certainly can't do anything like that ever again.

I immediately shower, taking my sweet time, until the room is filled with enough steam that I can barely see in front of me. I wash my hair, shave my legs. When I'm wrapped in a towel, I wipe away condensation from the mirror, so I can see a blurred image of myself.

I look and feel bone-tired.

I hear the faint click of the front door opening then closing, and I hurriedly comb out my tangled hair and get dressed.

Rose is in the kitchen filling the kettle when I get out.

"Someone here?" I ask, glancing around.

"No?"

"I thought I heard the front door."

"Oh." She laughs breezily. "I took out the trash. Coffee?" she asks.

My mind goes straight to Edward.

Milk and sugar-sweet.

The way he stepped forward before I left, almost like he was going to hug me.

For a moment, I wanted him to.

I wanted to know what it felt like to have his arms around me, strong and tight.

You're safe with me.

"Bella?" Rose waves a hand in front of my face.

"No coffee for me, thanks." I shake my head and towel-dry my hair. "You're feeling better."

"I am."

I sit on a bar stool, feeling oddly nervous. Like I'm expecting her to question my whereabouts last night.

"I guess it wasn't the flu then?" I offer.

"Maybe some twenty-four-hour bug."

"Seems like you had the expedited version," I laugh. "A two-hour bug."

"Yeah."

I was trying to make a joke, but she doesn't laugh.

"So, you're going into work?"

"Yeah," she says again.

Things feel a little stilted. I wonder if she knows I wasn't home last night. But if she did, why not just ask?

"Can I ride with you since you don't have class?"

"I'm actually not going to work today."

She looks up at me then. "You're sick, too?"

"No. Gianna told me to take the day off."

"Uh-oh. Why?"

"There was a patient yesterday…" I frown, deciding to downplay it all. "They had to restrain her. I faltered. It was all just really strange. I'm sure good ol' Vanessa will fill you in."

"I'm sure she will, too," Rose laughs. "You okay, though?"

I think of Edward.

"I'm okay," I say honestly. For now, anyway. "Are you?"

She nods and smiles, and for the briefest of moments, I get the feeling I'm not the only one hiding something.