╔ º ╗
If I could face them
If I could make amends with all my shadows
I'd bow my head and welcome them
"Hello Alex, this is Alphys. Frisk gave me your phone number."
"Sorry, I hope this isn't too weird, you just seemed cool when we talked the other day ^-^' "
"Sorry you can just ignore me."
The three texts were sent in rapid succession. You set down your tea, typing before she could send another apology.
"Hi Alphys! I'm glad they did, I wanted to ask you for your number before Sans kidnaped you What was that about btw?"
There was a lot of typing, a pause, more typing, those three dots starting and stopping and eventually you got a very brief reply.
"Work stuff."
Oh right, Alphys was the Royal Scientist...Wait, what did Sans have to do with that then?
Alphys quickly changed topics.
"You seemed interested in my phone earlier do you want to come over tomorrow? I can upgrade yours to use magic if you want."
You typed faster than you ever had before.
"YES"
"PLEASE OMG are you serious?"
"That would be amazing! Do you live in Ebott Springs?"
You asked, referring to the apartment complex you lived in.
"Ebott Manors house 2B. 7:30 PM ok?"
Ebbot Manors were the townhouses up the road a bit, closer to the mountain. The homes were larger than the apartments you and most of the monsters lived in. Only a select few monsters lived in those homes, most notably the King and Queen. It would make sense that the Royal Scientist would also reside there. It was within walking distance, thankfully. You didn't have a car or a driver's license, so much further would have required a bus ride.
"Yeah, see you then!"
"So excited :D"
"Me too! ^_^"
You knocked on the door of apartment 106, waiting for a reply. This appeared to be one of your very rare human customers, judging by the name on your work order; "David Pearson". You couldn't imagine a monster named Dave, given all the names you had encountered in your line of work. After you counted to ten in your head without a response you knocked again, a snappish, "I'm coming!" making its way past the door.
The man who opened said door seemed surprised to see you. Which was really dumb, considering they'd requested this specific timeslot.
"I don't want whatever you're selling." he hastily said, motioning to close the door.
"Sir! I'm here to fix your laptop!" you quickly replied before he shut the door on your face.
"You're Alex?" David asked, looking incredibly doubtful. He gave you a once-over looking you up and down, and you knew exactly what was going through his mind. Alex is a boy's name. Girls can't fix computers. Does not compute.
"Alex" instead of "Alexandria" was present in all your emails and advertising for this very deception, because humans trusted men over women when it came to tech. Monsters never shared this same thought process, thankfully.
"Yup!" you replied with saccharine enthusiasm. "Is now still a good time, or would you like to reschedule your appointment?"
"...Now is fine, I guess." You couldn't imagine his voice was capable of being any less enthusiastic, in direct contrast to yours. "Is there anyone else available to fix my computer now? It's not an easy fix."
Ohh, he really was one of those guys. You knew what he meant; Are there any men you can send instead of you? "I'm afraid not, I am the sole proprietor of Integral Technologies." You grinned up at David with a fake smile that would make Sans proud. "You had a virus on your laptop, correct?" He nodded. "I have tons of experience with that, I can assure you I'll get it cleaned out." You had to put the professional veneer on thick, or else the infuriated bitch might shine through instead.
"...Alright." he said finally, in a tone that suggested it was totally not alright. He showed you the laptop, and sure enough, booting into it resulted in pop-up after pop-up for male enhancement pills and "Singles in your area!"
"I have no idea how it got like this, it just happened out of the blue."
It's the porn David. You caught the virus from watching all that dirty porn on those shady as fuck websites.
"It just happens sometimes. Unfortunately, this infection looks pretty severe, and to ensure complete recovery I will need to take it with me." Your acting must be getting better because you actually managed to sound sympathetic on that one.
"Can't you just fix it here?" David whined. A grown-ass man whined.
"No." Ah, your favorite response. Short, sweet, and brokering no argument.
"Ugh, fine. When can I get it back?"
"Two days, maybe tomorrow if everything goes smoothly. I can do a rush job, but that will be an additional charge."
"No, tomorrow's fine, I guess." he said for what felt like the tenth time in just as many minutes.
"Perfect, I will need you to sign this here and pay the deposit-"
"You're charging me before you've even fixed it? That kinda bullshit."
Your fake smile grew a little more brittle around the edges. "That is correct, sir. You wouldn't imagine how many customers stiffed me after fixing their computers, and so I had to implement this deposit system. It will only be a $20 charge."
"I guess."
You wanted to bash him over the head with his own laptop.
But you politely refrained, getting him to input his credit card into your phone, and sign your agreement, at which point you accepted his laptop and promised to give him an update tomorrow.
"What if I want to call you?"
"You can contact me through the same email you opened a ticket-" David interrupted you.
"No, I mean, can I have your number. In case I need to text you or something."
...Ew.
"I will provide you with regular updates David, if you have any concerns, you can always email me." You smile was well and truly gone now.
"You can call me Dave."
...Gross.
"I will let you know when the laptop is ready, David. "
He didn't like that at all, his features darkening into a scowl.
Good.
"Have a good afternoon." You said, leaving him stewing as you left apartment 106.
It was raining that evening and of course you forgot your umbrella and you ended up drenched. Thankfully the temperature was pretty mild and so your teeth weren't clattering too bad when you entered your apartment, and you had carefully stowed away any electronics in your toolbox before the downpour started. A change of clothes and a hot bowl of soup would surely right everything, maybe even some fuzzy socks for your feet.
You turned after taking off your squelching wet shoes at the door to head to your room when a mass of darkness materialized before you, a startled gasp escaping your lips.
[No screaming this time, a marked improvement.] Gaster signed, smirking down at you. You sniffed, pouting up at him, probably looking like a drowned rat.
[You're doing it on purpose now.] you accused. His smirk widened.
[Perhaps.] He finally seemed to notice you were all wet, eyelights taking note of your soaked clothes. He reached out to tuck a stray lock of dripping hair behind your ear, the cool bones brushing against your temple drawing another shiver out of you that you weren't entirely sure was caused by your saturated state.
He drew his hovering hand back, looking as if he were about to mention his concern over your condition but you snatched his hand up in yours before he so much as form a handshape.
[What-] he started to sign with his free hand, bewildered at your strange actions but you cut him off, pushing a 'V' handshape towards his captured fingers, the sign for [Look!]. His eyelights followed where you were pointing, a drop of water clinging to the tip of his finger. Interacting with liquids was an unprecedented feat for your shadowy friend, only solid objects had occasionally yielded to him.
You grinned widely up at him as he tapped his thumb-bone (you really needed to ask him what the proper anatomical name was for his bones) to his forefinger, rubbing the moisture between his digits with fascination. How long had it been since he felt something as simple as water?
His attention was diverted back to you, the long spindly bones of his fingers curling around yours and hoisting you arm up. [You are cold.] he stated with a frown, observing the goosebumps forming on the exposed skin of your arm. [And why are you wet?]
You slipped your hand from his grasp so you could sign. [It's raining, I was going to go change into something dry.] you explained.
[It's raining? Presently?] he signed eagerly, eyelights shining brightly in his dark sockets.
[...Yes?] you answered, confused as to why such a mundane event would make him appear so animated. Then your eyes went wide as you realized a second later, [You lived Underground, it never rained there.]
[There were areas where groundwater collected on the upper sections of the cave system and percolated down. However you are correct, it did not truly rain there.]
[Come on then!] you grabbed his hand once more and led him to your balcony, and he obediently followed. Really his hand wasn't attached to his body at all so you had no way to "pull" him anywhere, but his fingers tightened their grip and he indulgently floated after you with a bemused smile.
You opened your sliding glass door and he froze, his smile fading and the edges of his form glitching. [Someone could see me.] he signed, unsure once he realized your intentions.
[What does it matter? Sans and Papyrus won't, they live downstairs.] You doubted either of them would lean over their railing and attempt to spy on you during a rainstorm.
[Seeing a creature of the void may have...unintentional consequences.] he enigmatically answered.
Wait, did that mean there were others like him? You shook your head, trying to stay focused without distracting thoughts.
[No one will see you, it's dark, raining, and this is the highest floor. Just trust me?] you smiled up at him earnestly, and you could see his hesitation receding slowly like the tide, and eventually he gave your hand another squeeze.
With that affirming signal you stepped out onto your balcony, back into the deluge with Gaster close behind. It was cold outside, the sound of all the heavens pouring down drowning out nearly everything else. Rushes of water rained down over the both of you, droplets splashing on the fractured bone of his skull, dripping down the cracks, into his eye sockets and open mouth. Any worry forming of his discomfort was wiped away by his expression of pure awe as his face tilted skyward. You couldn't be sure how much he could see, his ability to view into this dimension was steadily improving, but the storm clouds were very distant fixtures in the dark sky. After a moment you realized it didn't matter much, his eyes closed and he seemed to just savor whatever sensations he was able to feel again for the first time in ages.
Quiet minutes passed with only the sound of the storm and distant cracking of thunder in your ears, until eventually lightning streaked across the sky. You nudged Gaster, waiting until he glanced down at you and signing [look] again at the storm clouds. Another white flash and his pupil-shaped eyelight went wide in wonder. He was transfixed by the sight, but you weren't really watching the storm; the open look of amazement on his face, lips slightly parted and rain dripping down the smooth bone of his jawline, his pale face illuminated by the occasional dazzling lightning strike was something you devoted to burning into you memories instead.
The rain began to relent, the lightning becoming dim flashes in the distance and the thunder rolling in low rumbles. You were beyond soaked, full on shivering now, but it had been more than worth it. You squeezed his hand, realizing you never did let go after all this time, Gaster's attention pulled away from the retreating storm, giving you a smile that warmed your chest despite the cold.
[Are you alright?]
[I'll be fine.] You could barely feel your fingers around the bones of his hand and your lips were blue. None of it mattered. [How was it?] you nodded your head to the storm.
He signed with his free hand what had to be one of your favorite signs in all the world, especially with the long slender bones of Gaster's hand.
[Beautiful.]
[Wait here one second, I'll be right back.] you hurriedly signed once you made it back inside. Gaster gave you an amused yet patient smile. He couldn't go anywhere besides back to the void. You rushed to your bedroom, dripping all the while, and swapped out your wet clothes for a warm and dry oversized sweatshirt and comfy yoga pants then grabbed two towels from your linen closet. The first you wrapped around your head to soak up the water from your drenched hair before your shirt was completely soaked, the other you attempted to use to dry your incorporeal friend.
Attempted was the key word.
"Are you fucking serious right now!" you growled. The towel phased right through him, somehow not absorbing any water whatsoever, but your hands, as usual, did not. He still felt like a semi-solid but cool, oil-slicked mass, just damp now too. "This doesn't make any sense!" Your hands ended up dripping wet but the towel you held in them was completely dry. It was like some video game glitch in real life. He laughed at your befuddlement, the sound coming off as slightly robotic, but you could almost hear what sounded like an actual voice under all the distorted layers of white noise.
[Well, do you have any bright ideas?] you asked. Adding to the absurdity, the water dripping off of him was soaking your carpet. How the hell did the void work?
He rubbed his chin in a way that reminded you too much of Papyrus, and then with a shrug that could have been Sans's he shook himself like a dog. You shrieked, cold water droplets flying everywhere, including on you.
["Seriously!?"]
[Apologies.] he grinned widely again, eyelights shining with mirth, [You must admit, it was quite effective.]
You grumbled as you acceded, the shadow monster now much dryer, even if you were decidedly less so. You patted yourself with the extra towel, turned on the T.V. for him and went to make your dinner. You soon returned to the living room cradling a bowl of hot soup, curling up next to him on the couch. He couldn't really sit on anything, floating like he was, but he somehow scrunched up his body of amorphous shadows in an approximation of it. This had become a sort of evening tradition, simply relaxing side by side on your couch, watching monster programing. It was unfamiliar to both of you, and a fair compromise considering your varying tastes in television. Tonight was a MTT Special re-run, and Gaster didn't seem to mind as you interrupted the second viewing with a question.
[What was the Underground like?]
You could see him thinking about how to respond, his hands vanishing as he retreated inward to form a cohesive answer. He did this often, and you believed it to be a side-effect of his time alone in the void. Interacting with others (well, really just you) put a visible strain on him occasionally, and he would spend a considerable amount of time collecting himself, more than what might be considered polite. Or sometimes he just excused himself from a conversation altogether (often when you came close to asking how he got stuck in the void). No matter his discomfort however, he never retreated back to the void. Even when he floated in your hallway in that state of near-sleep with dimmed eyelights, he clung to this reality as desperately as he could.
It made you wonder what it must be to experience the void beyond the grey door as he did. What he must have endured to make a ghost appear haunted.
He did eventually answer however, the corners of his wide mouth tilting upwards into a fond grin. He told you of the ruins and how they housed the monsters when they were first banished to the Underground and sealed away by human mages. Then of the capitol, the most populated area that formed a bustling metropolis and where King Asgore ruled. Snowdin, a rocky landscape of snow-covered cliffs and a forest of enchanted trees that fed on magic instead of sunlight. Waterfall, where it "rained" and the waters glowed with traces of magic and flowers echoed the wishes of monsters who saw stars in the stead of glittering crystals studding the caverns. Hotland, where lava surged and the magical and thermal energies of the Underground flowed strongest and therefore-
[...the CORE is situated above it, feeding on the vast energy stores available. It is quite a large machine, approximately twice the size of your apartment building, if not larger. It powered all of the Underground.] he concluded, you mostly silent as he described a world so far removed from your own. How monsters survived, hell even thrived under a mountain was beyond you.
[That is amazing! How long did it take monsters to build a machine over lava? ]
Gaster looked up, tapping his chin with his finger. [To build, it took about seven years. Research and design lasted around three. Perhaps longer if you consider initial concepts before I had backing of the king-] Gaster froze, eye sockets going wide and his eyes slipping down towards you to see if you had caught his mis-step.
You had.
[You created the CORE!?]
[...Yes. It was what earned me my title.] he signed. How different his admission was from Alphys when she told you her position as Royal Scientist. There was no pride, instead it felt more like you had stumbled upon some dirty secret that he was not yet ready to share.
[You do understand that humankind would throw themselves at your feet to have an energy source like that.] you gestured at the tendrils of transparent shadows that continued his lower body, [figurative feet anyways.]
Gaster gave you a half-hearted glare that may have been more playful, but something seemed to be plaguing his mood. He appeared rather uncomfortable, unable to fully meet your gaze. [I may have gleaned that from the documentaries, they often mention the problem of greenhouse gasses in the atmosphere.]
[This is crazy.] you signed, and he tilted his head in confusion, [You-] you ran your fingers through your hair, shaking your head as a hollow laugh escaped you. [I am living with a super-genius who designed a machine that powered an entire civilization, and I'm...] you trailed off. Increasingly you were feeling inadequate. You were no closer in coming up with a theory on how to rescue Gaster from the void, and in keeping his predicament a secret you had no one to assist you in a perhaps futile quest. The thought of Frisk who freed all the monsters, Sans who served the Queen, Alphys and Gaster who were far smarter than you could ever hope to be. It left you feeling discouraged in their wake. What could you do? Type some numbers into a spreadsheet? With no magic, no know-how, no clue on how to save the one monster who had somehow found himself tethered to you. Whatever chose you of all people should have picked someone more capable.
Gaster seemed to read a bit of your dour disposition and gave you a sardonic smile, [You are living with a ghost who made some questionable decisions and suffered the consequences,] he corrected. [While I am living with a woman who kindly let me stay in her apartment after unwittingly terrorizing her for a week.] You raised your hands to object that it was a misunderstanding and he was never at fault for that, however he got ahead of you, gently placing his larger hand over both of yours and lowering them back down, [You have given me far more than you can ever imagine. I am beyond grateful that it was your SOUL that lead me here.]
[I want to help you. I haven't done anything, I just want to get you out but I don't know how.] you signed, your throat feeling tight.
[You are helping me. You are a human who gave refuge to a forgotten monster, and that alone is commendable. While my current predicament is less than ideal,] you snorted at that. It was hell, you could see it in his eyelights, [Being here, with you, makes it tolerable. To be anywhere near tolerable was something I never thought possible. Do not minimize what effect you have on others.]
You weren't sure what to say to that. Whatever praise he'd given was not deserved. You'd only done the bare minimum of decency, what anyone else should have done. You just so happened to be the human that lived where the exit from the void resided. That didn't make you special. Certainly not capable. But you didn't want to bring down the mood any further than you already had, so you reached out to grasp one of his hands, smiling up at him, even if it didn't quite reach your eyes.
[What are your bones called? Can you teach me?]
He studied your face. It struck you how intense his gaze could be at times, almost as if he could see through you. Eventually something relented in his expression, meeting your smile with one of his own.
[Always so curious.] he signed, his smile turning to one of almost fond admiration. [Very well. This is a P-H-A-L-A-N-X...]
You weren't quite sure when it was that you dozed off on the couch, something that you were making a bad habit of. The bedroom at the end of the hallway you had proclaimed off-limits to Gaster, the only sanctuary in your shared home, but you were finding you didn't want to leave his presence. So when you started getting sleepy you procrastinated shuffling off to bed and instead stubbornly hung out with him until you could no longer keep your eyes open and sleep claimed you. One moment you were watching TV, and then...
.
..
...
...a nightmare.
A scream tore out your throat as your limbs spasmed. Your foot collided with a cold mass and a sound like a distorted grunt reached your ears. It was dark, the lights turned out and the TV off, leaving you blind to whatever it was you touched, to whatever danger was coming for you. And with your heart beating a painfully fast rhythm in your chest, something had to be coming for you.
Night terrors had been a near constant feature of your dreamscape for as long as you could remember. The dreams were rarely reoccurring, but the theme was entirely consistent; you died. You were stabbed by a man chasing you, you were in a car accident and crushed under twisting metal and shattered glass, you drowned in a lake, you fell from your balcony. Tonight, like most nights, the dream was almost entirely forgotten when you woke, only the vaguest recollection remaining. But the terror, that stayed with you for hours.
Two fuzzy lights entered your field of vision, mismatched in size, and you flinched as you felt something cool, smooth, and hard cupping your cheek. Phalanges the one non-panicking corner of your mind helpfully supplied. It was Gaster. It also reached your attention that his eyelights were fuzzy because your glasses had been removed and in your flailing not only had you kicked him, but kicked off a blanket that had been draped over you. He really was getting better and picking up objects.
"I'm sorry." you whispered guiltily once your mind caught up to what had happened. He had been looking out for you and in return you had practically punted him. He could apparently see well enough in the dark to read your lips and shook his head dismissively. "Are you ok?" He pressed a finger to your lips to quiet your worries, his thumb brushing slowly back and forth over your cheek. He was silently trying to calm you down, you realized. Of course he was, you were breathing like you'd sprinted a mile and your body was trembling.
This hadn't been the first time he'd seen you in such a sorry state, as you recalled that first night he had made it out of the void. He certainly must have heard you screaming at some point during his time here, it was such a regular occurrence. He never mentioned anything if he did. Did he think you were strange? Or weak? To be reduced to near-tears over something that you knew wasn't real? In that moment, you felt you might have known the answer. He couldn't sign to you, your vision too poor to see, but he could reassure you with gentle touches and his soft eyelights that looked at you without a hint of irritation, only concern.
When the tightness in your chest eased, your breathing slowed, and your heart stopped pounding against your ribcage, Gaster tugged on your arm, easing you up to your feet and leading you to the bedroom. You were tired and your mind was a mess of fear and guilt and sluggish with exhaustion. Two hands, one on each of your shoulders and a third around your arm kept you steady. Halfway down the hallway you paused, looking at the blank wall. Your arm reached out fingers pressed against the white, eggshell surface, feeling like just beyond your perception the grey door lingered, the void's siren song a distant melody playing only in your head. Gaster gently but insistently urged you forward. As your gaze was torn away from the wall you noticed the distress in those glowing eyes of his.
Once you were guided into bed and the covers pulled up to your chin Gaster's assessing eyelights roamed over you. There was hesitation, indecision played out over his pale face you could just barely perceive in the dark, torn between respecting the privacy of your room and wanting to ensure whatever terrors plagued your mind were well and truly gone.
[Stay.] you signed, making the choice for him. His eyelights softened and he nodded, the shadows of his body pooling next to you on the bed. It was so strange to have a being so large "sitting" on your bed, yet the mattress did not dip down in the slightest. One skeletal hand reached down towards you, petting your hair, phalanges running through the dark strands. The movement was slow and languid, comforting in a way that made your body relax and your eyes drift shut. Was it strange to let your monster roommate touch you like this? In that moment, drifting between awake and unconscious, you couldn't bring yourself to care. Someone was watching over you. Someone who cared about you. It felt right, like the most natural thing in the world.
The next day Gaster was gone. For once you were grateful for his absence, too embarrassed over your pathetic behavior to meet his eyelights. You'd have to thank him eventually, just not now. No more sleeping on the couch for you.
Your phone blinked with a notification, displaying two messages on the only social media you maintained; your LinkedIn account that was relegated to "networking" (the social kind that relied on schmoozing instead of ethernet cables). Ostensibly the worst part about being involved in the tech industry, a necessary evil to advance in your field. But instead of fellow graduates of your college wanting to reconnect or a recruiter trying headhunt, there was a name you wouldn't have expected to see: "David Pearson."
Your stomach clenched nervously as you opened the message of a man who apparently decided to stalk your very limited internet presence.
"Hey its Dave. Is my computer done?"
And the second message, even more brief:
"U single?"
You resisted the urge to throw your phone off your balcony, and maybe David's laptop along with it.