"No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us."

1 John 4:12

"Hey, Dad, don't ever think I'm not grateful you two didn't do that at my graduation."

Nicholas broke the kiss he'd been sharing with Audrey to reply to Steve's remark. "Oh, I figured you were grateful, Son. You're probably also grateful we didn't dance naked in the parking lot."

Steve made a face at the image that sprang into his mind. "Uh, yeah, I am."

Audrey gave Nicholas one last peck on the lips, before heading toward the front door. "I'll see you sometime in the next few days. I love you." She stopped next to Steve, leaning close to him, her voice dropping low. "He actually did kiss me in the parking lot after your graduation."

Steve laughed aloud, earning a curious look from Nicholas. "Of course he did. It's my dad. He couldn't keep his hands or his lips off you for that long."

Audrey smiled at Steve, as she waved at Nicholas. "I'll see you both soon."

Steve watched Audrey go, not speaking until the door had closed behind her, and he was alone with Nicholas. "Dad, I think I really need to talk to you."

"So how did it go with your parents?"

Penny sat on the porch swing beside Soda, her head laying on his shoulder. "Not great. But it's not like I expected them to be happy. My dad, of course, didn't like that you and I slept together at all. But he and my mom both seem like they just want to make sure I really understand what all this means."

Soda closed his eyes, as he felt the whisper of a breeze move over his face. "So what does it all mean then?"

"That I can't go to college on time. It'll be next fall before I can because the baby's going to be born in January."

"I'm so sorry, Penny."

Penny lifted her head from Soda's shoulder, then touched his face, her fingers feeling the coolness of his cheek. "We both made the choice, sweetheart. Just like I already said."

Soda drew in a deep breath, Penny's touch tapping into his vulnerability. "Is there anything that I can say to change your mind?"

"No, Sodapop. There's not."

Soda's eyes drifted down to Penny's belly, his hand moving to touch it through her soft pink blouse. "It's really something to think about a baby being in there. How are you feeling?"

"I've been okay so far. A little nauseous sometimes. My mom wanted to be sure that I understand it's going to be hard to give the baby up, and I do. I know that could never be easy. But it's the right thing. I know it is."

"What if it's not? What if I can-"

"Sodapop, please don't."

"But I'm the father. Don't I get a say in this?"

"Of course. But I'm the mother. I'd be the one taking care of the baby the most."

"I would help you, Penny. I'd help you as much as I could."

"I know that. But we're not ready for a baby or for marriage. It's not even what I want right now."

"I'd love to be a daddy."

"I know you would, sweetheart. But there's more to consider. I have to make sure the baby will have all that it needs, and adoption is the only way I can see to do that."

"Will you even have any idea who gets the baby? Will I get to know? And how will you be sure it has what it needs, if we're not the ones taking care of it?"

"There are agencies, Sodapop. I've been looking into them. They screen people, you know? Not just anybody can adopt. And we can even have a say in it if we want, so it's not like we'll have to be left with no idea what happens to the baby."

"But we won't be there to see our own baby everyday. We won't be the parents taking care of it."

"No. I guess we won't."

"I don't know how to be okay with that, Penny. I don't know how to be okay with not being in my own kid's life."

"I'm okay with it as long as I know the child will be okay. That's what's most important to me."

"That's important to me too. You know it is." Soda felt another breeze blow against his face, this wind carrying an even gentler whisper than the first. "But all I can think about is how I won't even get to see my own child grow up."

"I do want to go in. It's not because I don't."

I'd been standing outside Steve's hospital room, looking in at him, as I tried to build the strength and courage to go inside.

"I know that. I know this is hard for you too. But I'm here. Remember your brother's here too."

I could see the tears in Nicholas' eyes, as my own were also welling up. I needed to be in there with my best friend, even as it hurt so much.

"So go on in. He needs you even more than before."

I knew Nicholas was right. I knew Steve would need me in a way he hadn't before the overdose. I think I needed him more now too. So I did it. I went into his hospital room.

"See? You're Steve. Still my best friend, no matter what. Just like I told you."

Steve's hospital bracelet had his name and birthday printed on it, and I couldn't help looking at it, while he was sleeping, even though it didn't tell me anything I hadn't known almost all our lives.

"Soda, I'm sorry. I know-"

That was the first thing Steve had said to me when he opened his eyes and saw I was there with him.

"Not right now. I'm here, okay? And the only thing I care about is you're alive."

I'd taken his hand then, not wanting him focused on apologies when he only needed to know I wasn't leaving him.

"I wouldn't blame you if you did, but please don't hate me. You were already scared and now-"

And now, that fear was even more real. But hating Steve just wasn't possible.

"Don't, Stevie. I couldn't hate you."

The last thing I wanted was for him to worry about that and end up feeling worse because he thought I hated him for hurting himself. Because I was so far from that. The only words I wanted to say, even though I didn't, were 'I love you.'

"I kept feeling like nothing was getting better."

Just like Steve would do for me only months later, I'd hugged him, not even knowing then I'd soon be too familiar with that feeling he was talking about.

"But I'm not going to do it again. It hurt so bad, Sodapop."

I could only pray he wouldn't do it again.

"Shh. I know."

I held my tears in, as much as I'd wanted to cry again. I kept hugging Steve, trying my hardest to be strong for him.

"I've never been that scared."

I knew he must've been scared. Just knowing he'd overdosed made me feel like I'd never stop being scared.

"But you called your dad. And you're alive."

I'd let one tear fall down my cheek, as I pictured what would've happened if he hadn't called Nicholas and gotten help soon enough.

"I already couldn't feel better, no matter what I did, and now, it's worse."

I had no idea it wouldn't be all that long before I understood not being able to feel better.

"I'm sorry. I don't want to die."

I knew Steve didn't want to die, but it would get clearer to me later how that pain had blinded him. I would empathize in a way he never wanted me to, as my own feelings tried to pull me along the same path.

"You're going to be okay. You have to be."

He did have to be okay. I couldn't bear to think about him not getting through this, and I know I made him feel the same way later.

"I didn't mean to hurt you or my dad."

I wanted to ask him why he didn't come to one of us, but I couldn't do that yet. I couldn't ask what had been different this time around when those thoughts struck.

"I always tell you I ain't going anywhere, and I mean it."

I meant it more than I'd ever meant anything in my life. I didn't even know yet that Steve's loyalty to me would soon show itself to be just as fierce.

"I just felt like I had to make it stop."

I was soon to find out how strong that kind of feeling could be, how the pain and emotions could drive the impulses and make dying seem like the way to go.

"I know it hurts, but I promise I'm here, buddy. I'm still here."

I'd still been holding Steve close, as I made this promise, unaware it wouldn't be long before he'd spend whole nights holding me the same way, his heart desperate to keep me from action that would lead to my death.

"I don't know, Dad. It's not like I don't get how much it affected him. But, after this long, I guess maybe I didn't expect it to still be that bad."

Nicholas sat next to Steve, the two of them side-by-side on his bed. "Sodapop probably has feelings about it that come and go, Son. Nine months isn't all that long either. But maybe time passing is making him more able to share with you too."

Steve drew closer to Nicholas and rested his head on his dad's chest. "Maybe. But it hurts to know it's bothering him enough to cause a panic attack or anything like that. I wish I could do more to help him."

Nicholas put both arms around Steve, embracing his son within these moments that he knew could bring guilt to the surface. "I know you do. But I don't have to tell you how much being there and listening matters."

"That's what I want to do, Dad. I want to listen. I want him to tell me what these feelings are. He said it's grief, and I know that can mean a lot of things."

"I'm sure he'll open up to you more, Son. I would think it's overwhelming, especially since everything Sodapop went through after the shooting would have had to bring those feelings back for him."

"Yeah. But he's also afraid of hurting me. I told him he can still tell me anything though. Cause you and Soda, you're the most important people in my life, and there's no better way for me to make peace with what I did than by helping you guys make sure you can too."

"I said I don't want to talk about it anymore, Darry! I've been talking about enough stuff today. I'm done!"

Darry moved closer to Soda and reached out to him, only for his middle brother to back away. "Soda, if you don't want to, you don't have to. I was just asking."

Soda's fists clenched at his sides, before he lifted them up, pounding them against the nearest wall. "Everybody needs to fuckin' stop, Darry! I can't take it anymore!"

Darry was quick to react, wrapping his arms around Soda's waist and pulling him away from the wall.

Soda fought the hold his big brother had on him to no avail. "Let me go, Darry!"

"No! You have to calm down first!"

"Nobody cares! Not Penny, not you, not Steve!"

Darry felt Soda begin to relax and loosened his hold on him. "What do you mean we don't care? We all care about you."

"Ya'll don't care that it's my kid too. It's my baby, and no one is listening to me."

Darry slowly released Soda, hands moving to his shoulders to turn his brother to face him. "I'm listening to you, little buddy. I'm listening to you right now."

"But you think Penny's right. You think she should give our baby away to somebody else."

"That doesn't mean I don't care, Soda."

Soda lifted both hands to clutch the front of Darry's shirt. "How am I supposed to be okay with not being there for my own kid? How is it okay that it doesn't even matter what I think?"

"It does matter what you think."

"No, it doesn't. Penny made this decision before she even told me she was pregnant. I didn't get a say at all. And you and Steve both agree with her. It's like my feelings don't count for anything."

Darry moved his own hands up to hold onto both of Soda's. "Yes, they do. Your feelings count, but you can't make decisions like this based on them and nothing else."

"Why isn't anybody on my side, Darry?"

Darry met Soda's gaze, seeing that the anger he'd witnessed mere seconds earlier had evaporated, leaving only sadness in its wake. "I am, little buddy. I want what's best for you. And you know Steve's on your side too. So is Penny. Everyone wants the same thing here."

"No, we don't. I want the baby. I want to be a daddy, not give it up to some stranger."

Darry moved his hands to Soda's face, his thumbs stroking the skin of his brother's cheeks. "I know you want what's best for the baby too, just like Penny does. You both also want what's best for each other."

"But what if giving the baby up ain't the best thing? What if us keeping our child would be better?"

"I don't think it would be, little buddy. Not now when you wouldn't be able to provide for a baby. Not when Penny isn't even wanting to be a mother or be married."

Soda leaned forward and laid his head on Darry's chest. "But I'd love the baby, Dar. I'd love it so much." He closed his eyes, feeling his big brother's arms wrap around to hold him, as he spoke the truth in his heart. "And the baby would love me too."

"Why the hell are you knocking on my head. I ain't a door."

I already knew what Darry was trying to do.

"Cause you said you're not thinking anything. It doesn't sound empty to me."

I didn't want to, but my big brother was making me smile.

"Stop it, Darry. Please."

How could I be smiling when Steve had overdosed only the day before? How could I smile when he was still in the hospital?

"But I made you smile."

He had made me smile, despite the sadness and guilt that were turning my heart inside out.

"I don't want to smile. How can I smile when my best friend could've died yesterday? How can anything be funny?"

How could I even have cracked a grin? What kind of guy smiled just hours after visiting his best friend, who had survived a suicide attempt?

"I need you to look at me, Pepsi Cola."

I knew what Darry wanted to say. I knew he wanted to make me feel better.

"No! Cause you're going to tell me he didn't die. Like that makes all of this okay."

But it wasn't okay. None of this was okay. I felt like it never would be again.

"Don't get me wrong. I can't tell you how glad I am that he's all right. I told him all I care about is he's alive, and I mean it. But he still tried to die, and it fuckin' hurts to know that!"

I needed to get that anger out of me, and I knew I couldn't let Steve be on the receiving end.

"I know it doesn't make it okay, and I know that hurts. But he called Nicholas, and that means he wanted to live. That's why he's alive, why he has another chance."

Thank God he did call Nicholas. But I still couldn't stop thinking about what would've happened if he hadn't.

"But it wasn't supposed to get this bad, Darry! Do you know how many times Steve has told me he didn't want to die? How did this happen anyway? Why didn't he come to me, to Nicholas, to anyone?"

It had happened because Steve couldn't see past the pain. Those thoughts and impulses he'd been fighting had finally overtaken his senses, despite all the support. I knew this, even as I refused to acknowledge the power the pain carried.

"There weren't even any pills in the house, so he actually decided to do this. He knew he'd almost taken them once before, but he still got them."

Steve had already been tempted to overdose, had contemplated taking pills and never waking up. He'd scared himself, yet he'd been in enough pain to decide to do it. It hurt me to know he could believe he had to die to escape. I didn't realize I'd soon empathize with that feeling.

"It's okay if you're angry, Sodapop. Believe me, I understand."

But I didn't want to be angry. It felt wrong to get mad at my best friend.

"He kept saying he wouldn't do it, Darry. That he didn't want to hurt himself. I don't want to be mad at him. I don't."

I hated being mad at Steve. How could I be angry when he was hurting this much? I needed to be there and love him, not be mad.

"But it's okay. You're mad because you care so much."

Darry was right. I was mad because I'd almost lost my best friend. I was mad because I hadn't been able to stop him from doing this.

"But it makes me feel terrible. Cause he's hurting so bad. I know that's why this happened. And I still want to know what he was thinking yesterday, what made it all even worse."

It made me feel awful. I couldn't imagine telling Steve I'd ever gotten angry. I didn't even know yet I'd soon fear he would get mad at me, only to find nothing but compassion and empathy that would join together to protect me from myself.

"Hey, man. I thought you'd have gone inside by the time I got here."

Soda looked over at Steve, who had just slid into the passenger seat of the Chevy that was parked in the community mental health center's lot. "I'm about to."

Steve, still wearing his DX uniform, glanced at the center, then back at Soda, who'd yet to make a move to get out of the car. "You don't want to be late, buddy."

"Don't, Steve."

"Don't what? I'm just telling you-"

"I know what time it is, okay?"

"Why the hell are you snappin' at me?"

Soda opened the driver's side door and slid out of the Chevy, seeing Steve follow suit. He then leaned against the car, face hidden in his arms.

Steve closed the passenger door, making his way over to Soda and putting a hand on his back. "It's okay, man. I can deal."

Soda's eyes peeked out at Steve. "I'm sorry. Please stay."

"I ain't leaving, buddy. Hell, I know you wouldn't be a pain in the ass like that if you weren't having a hard time right now. So don't even worry about it."

"I'm nervous today, Stevie. Even though I've been here lots of times."

"That's all right, man. It ain't like you're just here to shoot the breeze with Dr. Morgan. You've got a lot to say." Steve slipped an arm over Soda's shoulders and gave him a squeeze. "So come on, buddy. I know you need to talk to her today. It'll help, and you've got this, just like you always do."

Are you a good listener, who is sensitive and compassionate? Do you have patience and empathy for others?

Steve read the ad on the center's bulletin board.

Do you have inquisitive and analytical skills that guide you in problem-solving? If so, a career in counseling may be for you.

Yeah, right, Steve thought, his gaze shifting to the door Soda had gone through with Dr. Morgan minutes before. That could never be for me.

"You look better than yesterday."

I'd never imagined coming to visit my best friend in a psychiatric ward, but he did look better here than he had in that hospital bed.

"I still can't believe I'm here, man. Happy birthday, buddy. I didn't forget."

I couldn't believe it was my birthday or that Steve was on this floor, only beginning to recover from a suicide attempt.

"Thanks. I don't feel eighteen."

I really didn't either. I didn't feel like a legal adult, just a heartbroken kid.

"Oh? What then? Maybe ten or twelve?"

It should've made me glad to see Steve trying to joke with me. But it hurt because there was so much I needed to say to him.

"I'm okay, Sodapop."

I sure needed him to be okay. But I didn't know if he was just saying that because of the look on my face.

"How is it here?"

I'd never forget how it looked on that floor, especially months later when I would fear ending up there myself.

"Not too bad. They watch me a lot. But what can I expect, huh? I should be able to go home soon, I think."

I wanted him to go home, but I was also afraid of it. Here, if all these people were watching him, he couldn't hurt himself. He was safe.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

I couldn't ask him what I'd been wanting to without making sure.

"As okay as I'm going to be right now."

I knew he couldn't be completely okay. Not here. Not when it had only been two days."

"Then, I want to ask you something. Why didn't you come to me or your dad? Is there some reason you thought you couldn't?"

It terrified me to think that Steve might've thought he couldn't come to me for any reason.

"No, it isn't that I thought I couldn't. I know I can. I just wasn't thinking like that."

He wasn't thinking of a way to live, not until he thought he might actually be dying.

"Was it like that day you told me about when you first picked up the pills, and you said you weren't sure if you would've walked away if I hadn't come over?"

I'd never forget that day, even though I hadn't been aware of what I'd interrupted at the time. I'd seen the bottle of pills in his hand, but I hadn't known why.

"Yeah. It was a lot like that. But worse. I gave up, Sodapop. If I could go back, I'd call my dad, or just go to work or something. I'm sorry."

He'd given up on getting through this. He'd succumbed to the power of the darkest thoughts, and it wouldn't be long before I could empathize with that temptation.

"As soon as she told me, it was like I could already picture a little baby. I could already imagine holding my kid in my arms."

Dr. Morgan focused on Soda from her place on the other side of the round table. "So you could easily see yourself as a father?"

Soda nodded, a grin on his face, despite his watery eyes. "Yeah. I mean, I love Penny, and I'd love a baby. I love this baby now, and I wish she'd change her mind."

"Do you think you're ready to be a parent at this point in your life?"

"No. Um, I guess not really. Cause of money and stuff like that. But the thought of having my own family, it makes me feel good. I'd be happy being a dad and a husband too."

"But that's not what Penny wants, is it? You said she's planning to go to nursing school."

"Yeah. She is. She doesn't want to be married or anything yet. That doesn't stop me from hoping though. I mean, part of me knows she's right, and she's being real smart about this. But it hurts cause I really can see myself as a dad. Taking care of a baby, well, it would be something for me."

"What do you mean, Sodapop? What would it be for you?"

"I guess it would make my life mean a lot more than it does right now. Being a daddy, I'd love the baby so much. And the kid would love me, you know?"

"What do you think your life means now?"

"I don't know. Not really a whole lot."

"Sodapop, I realize I already know the answers to these questions, but I want you to answer them anyway."

"Okay."

"Who are the people in your life? What's your role to them?"

"Well, I have my brothers. I'm Pony's big brother and Darry's little brother."

"And that means a lot to them, just as they both mean a great deal to you. Who else?"

"I have Steve, who might as well be my brother too. Cause we're best friends. We have been for just about as long as I can remember."

"Okay. What about Penny, aside from the fact that she's pregnant? What do you two share with each other?" Dr. Morgan looked down at the notepad in front of her, writing down some additional observations and questions, as she waited for Soda to answer. When her patient remained silent for longer than usual, her gaze shifted back up to see that Soda had become completely still, his eyes wide and staring somewhere past her. "Sodapop?"

Soda responded only by drawing in a deep breath that then got caught in his chest, the silent burden he carried getting heavier.

Dr. Morgan moved so that she could meet Soda's eyes. "Sodapop? Can you tell me what you're thinking about?"

Soda shook his head, as he attempted to take another breath and found he couldn't get enough air. "I – I can't. Can't breathe."

"Damn it. I don't get how I could still feel like that. How can I still think-"

Steve didn't finish what he was saying, but I knew what he meant.

"You've still been having the suicidal thoughts, haven't you?"

Not even the close call he'd just been through could stop them from rising up.

"I guess I sort of hoped that after I got so sick and scared when I overdosed, it would be different. Like I couldn't even still think like that."

But he was. Not even the overdose had been able to extinguish those thoughts and feelings.

"What happened that day, Stevie? I've wanted to ask since Darry told me."

What had made him decide to go through with it when he did? What had made these thoughts become deliberate action?

"I had this crazy nightmare about Clara dying. Then later, during class, I had a flashback. That's been happening so much. But it was worse this time. It's all just happened too much, and everything makes me feel like she's part of me."

Flashbacks. I had no idea I'd soon grasp their power in a way I couldn't then.

"I hope you know she's not."

She could never be part of Steve.

"I don't know. I want to believe that, but I still get where I feel so ashamed and just hurt so damn bad. That's what happened, and I couldn't see a way out of it."

It hurt me so damn bad to picture my best friend swallowing a bunch of pills and wanting to die, unable to see another way to relieve the undeserved pain and shame that had taken over his entire spirit.

"I knew something was wrong already, but when Darry told me what happened, that you were in the hospital, I didn't believe him. I tried to tell him it couldn't be. Like he had to be wrong. Then, I couldn't stop crying."

I'd known something terrible had to be wrong. That was why my spirit had tried so hard to deny what my big brother told me. How could I accept that I hadn't been able to stop this from happening? How could I accept being rendered so helpless?

"I'm sorry, Soda. I've still been feeling so guilty."

Guilty. I knew the feeling well. I'd had it lots of times, and I had it then. I had it in a way I'd yet to realize, a way that wasn't only rooted in the past.

"Please go get him."

Dr. Morgan remained near Soda, seeing that his quick, shallow breaths had slowed, though the panic had yet to let go of him. "Go get who, Sodapop? Did your brother come with you today?"

Soda let his head rest on the round table, its surface cool on his skin that felt hot with anxiety. "Steve. He came with me. Please go get Steve."

"It scares me to death, Sodapop. I can't trust you now either. You look at me and tell me now what you've been thinking. I'm mad at you right now, but I love you so much, little buddy. You're not going to do this anymore."

I knew I'd scared Darry, and there was no way he was going ot let me keep hiding the pieces of my grief. Not after I almost drove drunk.

"No. Please, Darry. Just let me go to bed."

I wasn't sure why I even tried pleading because it would never work. He wasn't letting me off the hook.

"Whatever is bothering you is not going to get better or easier if you shove it down. If we have to sit here all night, I'm up for it. I'm not going to let you even come close to putting yourself in danger ever again."

I had no idea that only months later I'd turn to the same kind of denial to cope and again lead my big brother to this protective determination.

"Talk to me, Pepsi Cola. I know this is about Steve. I know you were too close to what happened when you were kids, and I know it's tough for you to see him hurting. What else is it?"

I'd known Clara. I'd been in Steve's life the whole time the abuse went on. I'd been his best friend with no idea what was happening to him.

"I can't save him, Darry. He still tried to kill himself. He could try again, but I can't stop him. He saved me from her, but I can't save him from hurting so much, he wants to die!"

I hadn't been able to stop the abuse, despite what I overheard Clara say on the phone. I hadn't been able to save him from her, despite being around him every single day of our childhood. And even though I'd known how bad the suicidal thoughts were, I hadn't stopped him from trying to die.

"You're the best friend he could have, little buddy. I know it hurts you can't take the pain away, but you're always there for him. Steve needs that. He needs the love and the support."

But I wasn't there for him that day. I wasn't there for him when he needed me the most.

"But he pulled me away from her when I didn't know what was going on! Now, I do, and I still can't fix it. He told me I helped because I stopped him from taking the pills that first time. But it still happened anyway!"

I didn't even realize then what I'd been doing since the day he overdosed. I didn't realize I was blaming myself.

"Soda? You were asking for me, buddy?

Soda felt Steve's hand come to rest on his back, his best friend pulling up a chair to sit right beside him. "Yeah. I did."

Dr. Morgan scooted her chair back a little from the table, giving the two friends the space she believed they'd need, while also staying close enough to intervene, if necessary.

Steve watched Soda for a moment, hearing the deep breaths he was taking, as he saw the traces of sweat on his face. "Did you have another panic attack?"

Soda's mind spun with the realizations he longed to voice, even as he also feared the potential fallout. "Yeah. I – I was just talking and then" He caught Steve's gaze, the concern in his best friend's eyes making the fear gain ground. "I- I'm sorry, Stevie."

Steve's expression kept its concern, even as a layer of confusion was added to it. "Sorry? Why, Soda?"

Soda responded by drawing closer to Steve and laying his head on his shoulder, not yet speaking another word.

Steve glanced over at Dr. Morgan, as he rubbed Soda's back. "Come on, man. I can't help if I don't know what's going on in your head. Is this anything to do with what you were saying yesterday about grief and feelings?"

Soda nodded, as he turned his face into Steve's shoulder, pressing it into the fabric of his shirt.

Steve closed his eyes for a moment, his hand still rubbing Soda's back. "I know you were sad and scared, buddy. I know you were hurting. So whatever's coming back to you now and causing all this needs to come out. If you want, I can leave you alone with Dr. Morgan and-"

Soda shook his head, as he lifted it from Steve's shoulder. "No. I want you to stay in here."

Dr. Morgan moved her chair close again, so that she was directly across from Soda. She leaned forward, making eye contact with her patient. "Steve can stay if you want him to, Sodapop. Are you comfortable with me discussing our session while he's in the room?"

Soda nodded without hesitation. "Yeah. He knows about everything anyway."

Dr. Morgan reached for the notepad she'd written on earlier, eyes quickly scanning over the words. "We were discussing how you feel about the idea of being a father, and you indicated that this role would give your life more meaning than it has now."

Steve didn't move form his place at Soda's side, keeping silent, even as he wanted to react to the implication in Dr. Morgan's words.

Soda felt Steve squeeze his shoulder, as he spoke to Dr. Morgan. "Yeah. I did."

Dr. Morgan continued, eyes again scanning the notepad. "So then I asked you about the people in your life and your roles to them. You told me you have your brothers and that you have Steve as your best friend. Next, I asked you to tell me more about you and Penny, but before you could, you were beginning to panic. Can you tell me what led to that reaction?"

Soda looked at Steve, before shifting his gaze back to Dr. Morgan. "I think it's cause I was telling you how Steve's my best friend, and I um- Well, I've told you before that he tried to kill himself."

Steve saw Soda's eyes glance in his direction once more and was quick to reassure him. "It's okay, Soda. You can say whatever you need to say."

Soda put a hand on Steve's arm, holding onto his best friend, as he kept going. "I- I've been thinking about it a lot. I mean the day it happened. The last couple of times I talked to him before. Seeing him in the hospital and after he got to go home."

Dr. Morgan saw Soda's gaze drop to the floor, able to see tears had filled his eyes. "I know it must've been very traumatic for you to watch such a close friend go through that kind of ordeal. And now that I have some insight into what caused your distress today, I think it would help you if we take the time to explore it further."

Soda looked up at Steve. "Are you okay being here for this, Stevie? You don't have to if it's going to be too much for you."

Steve summoned all of his determination, as he stared right into his best friend's eyes, not even having to consider his reply. "As long as you want me here, I'm staying, buddy. If it's helping you, I can handle whatever you need to talk about." He took Soda's hand and squeezed it. "I've got your back, brother, and we're in this together."