Total Drama Wars Chapter 8: Let's Have a Turf War (Episode 5 Part 1), a total drama series fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own Total Drama or any of its characters. The Total Drama Series and all of its characters are the property of FreshTV and the parent company of the Total Drama television show.

So, uh, school is actually kicking my butt. The official uploading schedule for the story is currently either Tuesday or Thursday every one to two weeks. So, you can expect chapters then. Might slack a bit sometimes, but I'll always get it out eventually.

I've gotta admit that I'm a bit disappointed that nobody mentioned catching the Dramarama or Clone High reference last chapter. Nonetheless, you guys reviewed! I really loved reading what you guys thought :)

To Reviewer Gucci: Thanks man! I, of course, love Brick, but I had plans for so many of the others that it just made sense. And I'll leave Scott and Alejandro up to interpretation for now ;)

To Reviewer Mark: Glad to hear that you liked chapter 6. I'll admit it is not my favorite chapter so far either. I'm glad you liked Scott so much. And Action was my favorite season, so of course I'm going to try to do justice to Justin and Courtney. I did want to say that I didn't show Brick convincing the team to vote for him because I wanted the suspense. If I had shown you that, you would've known he was going instead of Mike. As for Mike and whether Mal will make an appearance, I guess we'll all just have to wait to find out.

To Guest: I don't mind, my dude. I'm glad you're liking the story so much :) I hope you'll like it as much when I get to some of the twists I have planned.

To Guest: Yeah, I do have some plans for Mike, which is why he stayed. I'm glad to hear you like the whole Cody/Eva thing going on. I'm glad to hear your opinion of Justin as one of the villains of the story too. You can take that sentence as you will ;) Trent is definitely set to be utilized more in the story, and Harold and the rest of the Screaming Bears will be payed more attention this chapter.

To People on Other Chapters: I'm glad to hear your input on past chapters! I really hope you guys keep reading too! Let's just say that things will get pretty interesting soon.

Day 5 Part 1: Let's Have a Turf War

(The Familiar Docks of Camp Wawanakwa)

Chris McLean stood in the middle of the wooden dock, his hands up in the air in his usual welcoming gesture as he gave a giant smile to the camera.

"Welcome back viewers! This is Episode 5 of Total Drama Wars!"

"Last episode, we saw our campers brave a three-part challenge, two of which took place in the dangerous waters around Boney Island!" The host's black hair blew in the wind as he posed dramatically to the left.

"Trent proved himself useful for the first time in...how many seasons? Three? Four? Eh, doesn't matter." Chris shrugged a bit carelessly before giving a sadistic grin to the camera.

"Scott blew up Heather, which I am legally obligated to say was wrong. And man! That really steamed Chef! He's tired of having to spend time in the infirmary!" Chris held his stomach as he began laughing. A slow-motion replay of Scott crashing into Heather's jet ski showed on the screen.

After a few seconds, the host straightened his spine and continued, "Courtney hit Justin in the nuts, which he may or may not have deserved. And as I enthralled many of the campers with the best never-ending story ever," He winked at the camera as he silently held up a copy of his autobiography with a sign that said 'Get it today for $49.99', "Scott summoned Vito, Mike's most interesting personality so far! Vito majorly bailed on the challenge, leading to the Screaming Bears winning, finally! Afterwards, we said a quick goodbye to our favorite cadet, Brick."

The host deflated a bit at the reminder, "What a shame. I really liked that guy. Who will we get to throw out next?"

He leaned in and whispered with his hand covering his mouth on the left side, "I hope it's Ezekiel personally. Or maybe Lightning."

The host whirled around and pointed his index finger to the camera with his knees bent a bit to the side in a stage-pose, "Stay tuned for Episode 5 of TOTAL. DRAMA. WARS!"

Dear Mom and Dad I'm doin' fine,

(The camera pans over the cliff, where Scott, Alejandro, and Ezekiel are peering over the edge as some of the sharks wave them down. Ezekiel and Alejandro look at each other before Scott lets out a scream)

You guys are on my mind.

(The camera jumps down into water, where Harold is swimming. Nearby, a boat race is happening between Courtney, Jo, and Heather. Courtney's boat runs over Harold's head as she paddles ferociously)

You asked me what I wanted to be

And now I think the answer is plain to see,

(On the beach, Gwen and Duncan lay together in a towel. They lean in to kiss, only for Duncan to fall backwards into the sand after hearing Scott's scream)

I wanna be famous.

(Noah and Justin are push-fighting outside the confessional as Leshawna walks out of it and shoves Noah to the ground. Justin starts laughing at him until Leshawna steps on his foot)

I wanna live close to the sun,

Go pack your bags, 'cause I've already won,

(Zoey can be seen in the mess hall holding Mike's hands and leaning in. Mike suddenly clutches his head and runs out the door)

Everything to prove, nothing in my way

I'll get there one day.

(The camera pans to outside of the mess hall, where Mike trips over the steps and falls on top of Lightning, who was on his morning run outside. They both groan in pain)

Cause, I wanna be famous!

(The camera pans to the front of the cabins. Brick and Lindsay are sitting next to each other on the steps, where she is seen talking to him about fashion. She sees Trent walking by and tries to fix her hair, only to topple off of the steps)

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na!

(The camera pans back over to the campfire at night, where all of the campers sit in the middle on the log-seats except for Cody, who is leaning against Chris's podium and trying to flirt with Eva, who has her arms crossed. Chris comes over and shoves Cody off of the podium as Chef tells him a joke and he laughs maniacally)

I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous

(The camera slowly fades out as it leaves the campfire and slowly shifts to the indigo sky scattered with bright white stars. All of the campers whistle as the intro ends)

(The Screaming Bears Cabin: Boys Side)

Lightning opened his eyes, rubbing them a bit before quickly taking out his signature jar of protein powder. He glanced around the cabin room for a moment. Yep, no one was up, as usual.

He scoffed as he quickly scooped some protein powder into a glass cup. They were all lazy. He had never woken up as late as they did. Pops would never have allowed it.

He quickly dropped down from his bunk, making a loud squeaking noise as the floorboard creaked underneath the impact. The athlete grabbed his day clothes from his bag and jogged out of the cabin for his early morning workout routine.

As the door clamped shut, Noah opened one of his eyes up, lazily observing that Lightning's bunk was open. He sighed.

Lightning was quite the problem. He was insufferable, egotistical, and he was everything that Noah wasn't in terms of interests. Lightning was always energized, enthusiastic, and doing some sort of physical activity. Noah was lazy, intelligent, and quite pessimistic.

Regardless of that, the brainiac knew that he needed more allies on his team. He knew that he had Harold now, but Harold's loyalties were clearly divided between him and Justin. And Harold couldn't be counted on to go against Courtney, who Harold still wanted to make amends with. It was quite bothersome, really.

Which brought him to the current moment. He had to take some initiative. Honestly, what was the world coming to?

The bookworm blinked a couple of times, feeling very much like a log as he slowly sat up and crept out of his bunk. He grabbed his clothes and hurried quietly after Lightning.

CONFESSIONAL:

Noah: He rubbed his head a bit tiredly and bags could be seen under his eyes as he crossed his arms, "Alright, so I need to make nice with Lightning. And possibly Zoey. I can't let Justin and Courtney dominate this team if I hope to get anywhere close to winning."

He scowled, "It's a very bad situation. Harold likes both Justin and Courtney. Lindsay is going along with them mindlessly. And so I've got to waste my sleeping hours to," he cringed a bit, "run."

(The Campgrounds)

Lindsay snuck around quietly, trying not to make any loud noise as she hid behind the mess hall, her baby blue eyes looking around quickly before sneaking over and ineffectively hiding behind the camp flagpole.

She quickly rushed over to the bathroom and shower trailer that the Killer Sharks had won in the first challenge. Desire swam in her eyes as she stared at it.

"I know that I'm not technically supposed to use you, but I neeeeed you. I haven't had a good place to fix myself up in almost a week now!" She hugged the trailer for a moment before tip-toeing to its door, not noticing that the lights were already on inside.

The clueless girl opened the door quickly, a bright smile on her face as she got ready to see the beautiful inside of the trailer.

Her enthusiasm peaked before quickly crashing into the ground at the sight that awaited her inside.

Ezekiel sat on the toilet in the corner of the trailer, frozen as his eyes widened in horror at seeing Lindsay. His left index finger was up his nose, digging for gold.

They both stared at each other for a few moments, both frozen with horrified expressions at the situation.

Ezekiel stood up slowly, taking his finger out of his nose and putting both hands up in a defensive position

"Now, Lindsay—"

Lindsay seemed to break out of her stupor, her face scrunching up in disgust as she quickly bolted outside of the trailer's doorframe, her hands flailing wildly in the air. Ezekiel tried to take off after her, only to trip over the steps outside of the trailer, laying on the ground as he hopelessly watched Lindsay disappear into the distance.

He pathetically sighed and tried to raise his voice in the hopes that she would hear it, "Lindsay homes! Please do'on't be tellin' anyone else abo'out this!"

CONFESSIONAL:

Ezekiel: He scratched his head wearily as he looked at the camera, "So'o...I still pick my nose sometimes. I kno'ow it's a gro'oss habit, eh. I just can't help it though! That's why The Zeke did it in private."

He put both of his hands in his hair with a panicked expression, "I've gotta go'o find Lindsay. If anyone finds out, The Zeke'll be back t'a square one on making friends!"

The prairie boy got up and rushed out of the confessional cam, toilet paper attached to the bottom of his left foot.

(The Screaming Bears Cabin: Girls Side)

Courtney yawned and sat up in her bed, rubbing her eyes.

"What's with the banshee screaming?" The CIT sounded extremely annoyed. She was not a morning person.

The door to the cabin was thrown open and then promptly slammed shut. The CIT looked alarmed as her eyes darted toward the door to see Lindsay standing there, looking horrified about something.

By this time, Zoey had also woken up, and she and Courtney shared a quick glance before the indie chick stood up and walked cautiously over to Lindsay.

Zoey rubbed Lindsay's shoulders as she looked at her, "Hey, what's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost." She looked worried about the blonde.

Lindsay breathed in heavily before looking at Zoey with a shaken look in her eyes.

"I did just see a ghost...A nose-picking ghost." Lindsay's nose crinkled in serious disgust as Zoey's eyebrows shot up and Courtney's expression became annoyed.

Courtney sighed and got up off of her bed, her arms crossed, "So you woke us up this early for that? Because you saw someone picking their nose?"

Lindsay nodded frantically, not catching the air of annoyance around the CIT, "Yes, it was like so totally gross. I wanted to see what the bathroom trailer was like and Ezekiel was in there with his finger up his nose!" She threw her hands up in the air for emphasis.

Courtney's lips curled in disgust and also amusement, "Well, at least he's doing it in private now, instead of wiping it off on his pants in public. It's odd how being an animal taught him manners."

Zoey looked uncomfortable at the subject, "Shouldn't we be comforting Lindsay? She looks a bit shaken up."

Courtney's eyes softened as they focused on Lindsay. The CIT huffed a bit and walked over to the other two girls, placing a hand on Lindsay's shoulder and leading her to the bunk beds.

Courtney dug into Lindsay's bag for a moment as Zoey watched her in confusion. The CIT resurfaced with two fashion catalogues in her hands, waving them in front of Lindsay with a fake smile.

"Alright Lindsay, do you want to talk about the latest fashions in Europe? I promise I'll listen."

Lindsay's eyes lit up as she grabbed one of them and began flipping through it. She pointed to one specific page as Courtney and Zoey sat on her left.

"You see that one? It's like totally big in France right now! If I win this year, I'm like so totally going back to Paris. And I won't get arrested this time! It'll be magical!" Lindsay squealed a bit and moved her wrists excitedly as Zoey eyed it with a bit of disinterest. She was more into retro designs, after all. Courtney looked annoyed but her lips were twitching upward a bit at the edges.

As Lindsay began rambling on about fashion, Zoey looked at Courtney and whispered to her, "Good job calming Lindsay down. I didn't know you cared so much."

Courtney's eyebrows slanted down, "Of course I care. I just have bigger things to worry about than Ezekiel's habit of digging for gold in his nose. Like winning, for example."

Zoey smiled at the CIT and patted her hand reassuredly, "Just remember that you can have fun while trying to win. I mean, my friend Cameron won last year that way."

Courtney looked a bit stung by the statement, which made Zoey raise an eyebrow.

"I already tried having fun in this place, and that's a mistake I won't make again," Courtney's voice sounded solemn and hurt. Zoey was about to respond when Lindsay closed the catalogue and smiled brightly at both of the girls. Courtney and Zoey immediately looked at her to see what she wanted.

"Thanks for listening, guys! Now that Brick is gone, I don't really have anyone to talk fashion with."

Courtney smiled falsely, "No problem, Lindsay. Anything to cheer you up."

Lindsay's eyes focused on Zoey in interest as she turned her body toward the indie chick, "You've gotta tell me about you and Mike now! How have you been handling being on different teams? Have you kissed yet? Have you gone on a date yet?"

As Lindsay began besieging Zoey with questions, Courtney sat there on the sidelines, looking a bit miffed.

CONFESSIONAL:

Courtney: "I appreciate what Zoey thinks, but making friends has never helped me on this show much before. Maybe when Harold and Gwen are gone, I'll think about it."

The CIT massaged her temples, "Lindsay is pretty nice. I know that SHE could never betray me, at least. And she's really easy to talk to. Zoey, on the other hand, is too prying. I mean, we just met. I don't just spill my life story to anyone passing by."

Zoey: "Yeah, Courtney is pretty rough around the edges, but I knew that she had to have something nice buried in there."

She looked thoughtful about this, "I wonder what she would be like if Harold and Gwen really were gone? Maybe she would like me more?"

Lindsay: The blonde had a beaming smile, "Courtney and Zoey are so nice! I'm sooo glad that we're all getting along so well!"

(The Infirmary)

Heather opened her eyes, feeling a bit dazed. She rubbed her head and looked around at her surroundings.

"How did I end up here?"

She really tried to think back to the day before. She had woken up on a rickety raft, been told about the challenge by Chris, and then forced to jet ski by her idiotic team. And then—

"That dirt sniffer pushed me into the minefield! Oh, he's going to pay for messing with me! I'm the best player this game has!"

The tent flipped open and Chef Hatchet walked in, grumbling as he looked at her, "Really? Best player? I seem to remember you losing twice, mean girl."

Heather scowled as she sat up on her uncomfortable bed. "What would you know about winning? You're just a cook on this awful show. I don't think you're making the big bucks."

Chef walked over to his desk and grabbed a bottle of water. He walked over to Heather with his hand held out.

"Good. Finally some good service around here," Heather smiled and reached towards the water bottle before Chef began pouring it all over her.

"Ahhhh! What the heck are you doing?"

Chef grunted at her, the water bottle now empty, before walking away from her with a cocky expression. "You know, I preferred you when you were sleeping. You remind me of those shellshock guys I treated during the war, but even they complained less than you."

Heather scowled as the cook continued.

"You have visitors outside. Mess with my stuff while I'm gone and we'll have a problem. Especially my special drawer over there," Chef pointed to the bottom drawer of a dresser near his little medical desk. Pony stickers and glitter covered it all over the place in random patterns. Heather glanced at it in morbid curiosity. What the heck was in there?

The burly man then walked outside of the infirmary tent, muttering about teenagers.

Heather looked impatiently at the tent flap, figuring that her visitor was just Cody.

She was proven right when she saw Cody walk into the infirmary, smiling at her with a hint of something she couldn't identify on his face. Anxiety? Worry?

Oh my god, was there something wrong with her face? She had endured so many disgusted looks and jokes when she was bald; she didn't think she could take it if she was disfigured or something.

She began panicking as her hands ran all across her face before she saw what Cody had been nervous of. Two other boys walked into the infirmary behind him, and neither of them were particularly friendly with her.

Trent was one of them. Heather didn't have much of a problem with the musician. In fact, she thought he was pretty handsome and she had been attracted to him back in the first season. Of course, he was too naïve and too nice for her. And his obsession with the number nine sure made her glad that Gwen got him instead. Heather didn't think fate was very kind to her, but she had at least dodged that bullet.

...

Then there was him, standing there as bold as brass and with a glint in his eyes. God, he infuriated her.

And that's part of what scared her so much about him. He was like her, or at least he had been. She didn't really buy the new "nice guy" act of his; she had never trusted him before and she sure as heck wouldn't start now.

Heather had never really met a guy like him before. And she cursed her luck that she had to meet him during the contest. After all, even if she did feel something, which she so totally didn't, she could never give the money up for some guy.

She couldn't, and that's what had ruined things.

Her eyes reluctantly scanned the burned scars all over his bare arms and around his neck. They almost seemed to glow as she examined them. They were brought on by her, after all.

Cody cleared his throat, breaking her train-of-thought. She realized that she had spaced out and quickly slipped a scowl onto her face as she crossed her arms at her visitors.

"Really Cody? You brought these two with you? You know I have no interest in seeing either of them."

Cody winced and shot apologetic glances at the other two as he walked toward Heather, "Yeah, I know. They were just a bit worried about how you felt, like I was. Speaking of which, how do you feel?"

Heather's lips pursed in an annoyed fashion before she answered, keeping her eyes on Cody.

"Chef is as psycho and as unhelpful as ever. But I do feel fine, unlike how that farm boy is going to feel when I get my hands on him." Heather squeezed her hands angrily at the thought of how Scott had pushed her into the floating mines the day before.

Cody chuckled a bit, as did Trent.

"Just make sure you don't beat Scott too badly; we still need him for challenges," Trent joked with the queen bee, trying to be nice. He wasn't a believer in holding grudges, after all.

Alejandro watched all of this silently, his green eyes scanning Heather.

"I would hate to interrupt, amigos, but Chef did tell us to head toward the mess hall as soon as possible. The challenge will start soon."

Cody scratched his head as he looked at Heather, "Yeah, Alejandro is right. We've got to head out. Wanna come with, Heather?"

Heather looked to Trent, who nodded at her in approval. Then, her eyes landed on Alejandro. The Latino's face was neutral and his eyes were just studying her. She could almost see the phantom smirk on his face.

Her cheeks reddened a bit, both in exasperation and in anger as she defiantly gave her answer, "No. I'd like to go with you, but I need to fix myself up before the challenge. Can't be letting the people back home see me like this."

Cody, Trent, and Alejandro all left quietly from the infirmary as Heather sighed and began getting off of her uncomfortable medical bed. She began heading over to her cabin to get some of her things as she thought about what had just transpired.

CONFESSIONAL:

Heather: "Hmmph, my only visitors were from the other team. Just goes to show how ungrateful my team is. I mean, I literally took on a minefield for those slackers!"

She took some deep breaths to regain her composure as she looked coldly at the camera, "I appreciated Cody coming by. He's one of the only people here i can actually tolerate. Still, he should've known better than to bring those other two with him. I was hardly in the mood to be seeing Trent and that other person he brought." She scowled and rolled her eyes.

(Out in the Forest)

Lightning jogged along his usual jogging path past Mount Looming Tragedy, humming his own superhero theme music as he went.

"Da da da da da da da da Lightning!"

His ears perked up as he heard someone running up behind him. He turned around and came to a stop as he saw Noah struggling to run behind him. Lightning raised an eyebrow as the egghead caught up to him, slouching forward heavily and panting as if he was going to die.

"Please *GASP* slow *GASP* down."

"What are you doing out here, smart guy? Lightning didn't know you even had muscles."

Noah caught his breath with his arms braced against his stick-thin knees. He then stood up straight and put a neutral expression on as he brushed his sweater vest off nonchalantly, "Oh, just going on my usual morning run. I can't get going without one."

Yeah, so maybe he was lying. What of it? Being truthful had never helped him win this game before.

He continued, "I saw you out here and decided I wanted some small talk with one of my best teammates. You know, bonding time."

Noah watched as Lightning's eyes lit up. He felt an inner smirk creep up before the athlete suddenly clapped him on the back enthusiastically and began running away, "Come jog with Lightning, smart guy! Lightning will tell you all about his football maneuvers back home! Lightning loves talking about himself!"

"Really? Who could ever tell," Noah mumbled under his breath.

Noah sighed a bit regretfully as he began jogging after the boy, his legs feeling like pieces of lead. Yeah, he was admittedly pretty desperate.

"Great. Football is my faaaaavorite sport."

CONFESSIONAL:

Noah: He gave a one-sided frown to the camera as he crossed his legs, "Alright, so we all have to sacrifice some things. It just so happens that I have to sacrifice my dignity and my preferences. It's no big deal really, if it helps me win."

He then looked at the camera with his signature deadpan look, "Lightning was surprisingly nice, though he has an ego the size of Jupiter. Hopefully, I can count on him. I've just gotta keep playing worshipper."

(Somewhere Else in the Forest)

Scott foraged around at the top of a tree, making sure to check each branch thoroughly.

"C'mon, that invincibility idol has to be here somewhere. If I can't find it soon, I'm toast."

He needed that idol as soon as possible. It was only a matter of time before his team lost and voted him off for being "too mean".

He scoffed at the thought. Honestly, people took things too personally. All he did was manipulate, cheat, and sometimes harass other people on international television. As if thousands of people hadn't done it before!

His thoughts abruptly stopped as his hand actually felt something hidden in one of the branch's leaves. He felt around blindly for some hint to what it was, only to feel slight curvatures and meticulous carved on the small object.

He smirked.

He grabbed the object with his left hand and pulled it out of the branch. However, he found that his hand had been tangled in some of the small twigs and vines on the branch. He aggressively pulled his hand backwards, only to find himself toppling off of the tree.

"Whyyyyy me?!" Scott screamed as he hit the ground in a loud thud. Dust scattered around him as he rubbed his head, opening his gray eyes to see a wooden bust of Chris McLean's face in his hand.

"Yes! The Scottmeister is invincible now!" He pumped his fists in victory as he sat up from his position on the ground.

"Hey Scott."

Scott jumped immediately, skittering off of the ground into an upright position and quickly taking a defensive pose similar to Harold's karate pose.

That's when he saw Ezekiel standing beside the tree that he had fallen out of minutes earlier, an eyebrow cocked and a clueless expression on his face.

Scott quickly molded his face into a relaxed expression as he leaned up against one of the trees next to him in a nonchalant manner, "Hey there Zeke. What are you doing all the way out here?"

Ezekiel's mouth frowned at the edges as he scratched his toque, "The Zeke came out here looking for Lindsay, eh. She..."

Ezekiel cringed a bit in the middle of his sentence. He couldn't let Scott know that he picked his nose! Scott was one of his few friends here.

"I, er uh, needed t'a talk t'a her abo'out something."

The prairie boy's eyes fell onto Scott's hands, which were now hidden behind his back suspiciously. "What did ya have there before? Looked like a wooden carving 'a Chris, eh."

Scott felt sweat running down his cheek as his eyes darted to the side. He obviously couldn't hide it now.

That was when he got an idea.

Scott grinned widely as he dramatically pulled the invincibility statue out from behind his back and proudly displayed it to Ezekiel.

"This is the McLean invincibility statue, Zeke. Having it means that I can stay in the game even if I get voted off."

Ezekiel stared in awe as he crept up and studied the statue. He touched it hesitantly and quickly with one of his index fingers before looking at Scott.

"That's so'o cool, eh! I'm honored ya would sho'ow this t'a The Zeke!"

Scott smirked at the naive boy. "I'm familiar with the reaction."

Suddenly, a bored voice sounded from nearby, in the direction of the main path in the forest.

"You do know that the statue is a dud, right?"

Both of the boys craned their heads to see Noah walking toward them from the side, Lightning walking with him at a leisurely pace. Scott dropped the statue into his pocket swiftly and tried to act nonchalant.

Noah looked unimpressed as he got closer to them, "Do you think that I'm going to forget that I saw it just because you put it away? I'm not a toddler."

"What did you have there? It looked like it just sha-disappeared!"

Noah rolled his eyes exasperatedly before looking at Lightning. "The dirt farmer there found a fake invincibility idol."

Lightning grunted angrily and turned his eyes to Scott. "Lightning can't believe that you found the idol again! All you ever do is throw challenges!"

Scott smirked and closed his eyes. "I didn't see you looking for it, muscle-head. And of course I deserve it; I'm the one who makes things interesting around here."

Ezekiel watched this scene quietly, his eyes glued to Lightning now.

Lightning clenched his fists threateningly at Scott. "If by interesting, you mean sha-being a mouse."

Scott scoffed at Lightning, not even turning to face him. "A mouse? Did you mean to call me a rat, genius?"

Lightning narrowed his eyes, "Yeah, you and I were both toxic rats."

Scott rolled his eyes.

"That's not what I meant, you idiot. I meant—"

Noah decided to intervene here. "I would hate to interrupt here, being how excited I am to hear Scott's next amazing insult. But that doesn't matter, because, as I said before, that invincibility idol is a fake."

Scott's eyes went wide, as did Lightning's.

"That makes no sha-sense, smart guy! Why would Chris hide a bunch of fake idols around?"

Ezekiel finally spoke up, looking at Noah with a confused look. "How are ya so'o sure, No'oah? It looked pretty authentic t'a The Zeke."

Noah rolled his eyes and motioned for Scott to bring the idol out. The farm boy did so because he was curious about what the bookworm meant.

Noah walked over to Scott and pointed directly at the hair. "You see this, Homeschool? I might understand these newbies not recognizing Chris's hairstyle perfectly, but you should."

Ezekiel walked over cautiously, his eyes glued at Lightning as the meathead looked at him confusedly.

The prairie boy gazed at the back of the idol, looking at it closely for a moment. Then, a smile lit up his face.

"You're right, homes! Chris doesn't has a mullet, eh! Word!"

Scott panicked and looked at the idol frantically. Lightning began laughing at the farm boy as they both realized that Ezekiel and Noah were right.

"Would you look at that?! Karma came back to sha-bite you on the ass!"

Scott looked miserable as Noah gave him a smirk and Ezekiel gave him a sympathetic look.

CONFESSIONAL:

Scott: He looked determinedly at the camera, "Chris must've hid fake idols to throw me off of the trail of the real one! But I will find it if it takes me every morning of every day! No piece of wood will beat me!"

Chris: The host smiled with a mischievous look on his face, "Hmmm, I didn't hide any fake idols around the island. But hey, whatever it takes to keep Scott looking for this fabled 'real idol'."

The host then gave a disappointed look to the camera and shook his head, 'Whoever got eliminated by Scott last year had really ought to be ashamed. That guy is a moron!"

Chef: The cook is whittling a piece of wood into a Chris McLean head as he sits in the confessional comfortably. He looked up at the camera and whistled, "This will teach farm boy for making me stay in the infirmary all night. I hardly had any time to write my Hallmark greeting card of the month!"

Noah: He scowled and slapped his forehead, "I'm surrounded by idiots, honestly."

(The Mess Hall)

"Hey Alejandro, I was thinking we could talk really quick."

Alejandro barely turned his head, examining Cody with his right eye as he dumped his tray into the mess hall's garbage can. Shortly afterward, his eyes softened and he nodded.

Cody twiddled his thumbs with an anxious look on his face. "So, I said that I was going to visit Heather last night...and I noticed that you went there too."

Alejandro's eyes widened and he turned around fully to face the other boy, his face a bit shocked. "You were still there? But I made sure that I was alone!"

Cody chuckled. "I was underneath the bed. Turns out that being short is good for some things."

Alejandro gulped, suddenly looking nervous. "So...you heard everything then?"

Cody looked down. "Yeah, I heard everything. And I just wanted to apologize to you...I thought you were faking being reformed this whole time. Now I know that you're for real."

Alejandro looked confused for a second, though he eventually gave Cody a small smile and placed a hand on Cody's shoulder. Cody met his eyes.

"It's okay, amigo. I can understand the impulse to be skeptical. Especially of someone who hurt so many."

Cody gave a gap-toothed grip in return and shook Alejandro's hand out of respect. "I also wanted to tell you, as Heather's friend, that I wanted to help you out with...you know...making up."

Alejandro's emerald eyes had a glint in them. "You really mean that? You would help me?"

"Of course! Heather's been so miserable lately...She doesn't have anyone to talk to on the island except for me, and I kinda...had other things that I wanted to take care of. Leave it to the Codemeister!" Cody made a thumbs up with his left hand, pointing at his chest proudly. Alejandro slapped him on the back with a smile and both boys walked back to their table.

Over at the opposite table, a less pleasant conversation was happening.

"I can't believe that none of you even came to see me?! I took a minefield for you people! Where is my respect?"

Courtney gulped down a mouthful of the gray slop in front of her, a gritty look on her face as she responded nonchalantly. "Now Heather, I'm not saying that I wanted you to get hurt, because I didn't, but I didn't really care much after Chris said that you would be fine. I mean, you lost your part of the challenge anyway."

Heather huffed angrily before Justin also spoke up, his eyes on his slop. "Yeah Heather, maybe you should stop complaining. I mean, I wouldn't have gotten kicked in the crotch if you had just beaten Scott out there," Justin caressed his chest protectively.

"You have no idea how bad sprinting is for me. It bends my legs too much if done too frequently. I mean, I can't wrinkle so young!"

Heather growled and slapped the back of the male model's head angrily. "That wasn't my fault! I wasn't the one that kicked you, but I sure wish that I had!"

Justin rubbed his head and blinked. "Yeah, you're technically right. Courtney was the one who hit me. But I also just don't like you, Heather."

Courtney scowled from across the table. "I said I wouldn't do it again. Stop whining so much; it's very unattractive."

Justin's eyes widened as he shot up out of his seat and pointed at Courtney. "Don't ever call me unattractive again! That's even worse than hitting me!"

Courtney rolled her eyes before nodding at the male model. Justin smiled and sat back down. When he wasn't looking, she muttered "drama queen" under her breath.

Heather turned her eyes to Lindsay, the only other person sitting near her.

"Lindsay! Surely you must appreciate what I went through."

Lindsay flinched and her slop fell off of her spoon and back onto her tray. She smiled weakly and looked at Heather, who looked expectant.

"I'm sorry Heather, but I made a vow that I wouldn't get involved with you again, like ever. I hope you feel okay though." With that said, Lindsay scooted closer to Courtney and focused on her food once again.

Heather looked awestruck.

CONFESSIONAL:

Heather: She had a very worried look on her face, "Alright, so maybe I do have something to be worried about. Even Lindsay doesn't have any sympathy for me anymore."

She pursed her lips and rubbed her chin in thought, "Maybe it's time I get involved in this intra-team war. Justin and Courtney obviously aren't getting along...Hmmmm."

"Hey, guys, did anyone notice this note over here?" Harold stood next to the mess hall door, pointing at a small yellow sticky note hanging there.

Justin looked over at him before Courtney waved a dismissive hand in Harold's direction. The male model shrugged sympathetically at Harold and went back to his food without saying anything.

"Uhhh guys? Anyone hear me?"

Cricket sounds could be heard near Harold as everyone in the room either kept talking to each other or focused on their food.

Suddenly, the door slammed open, smashing Harold into the wall. Everyone suddenly craned their heads toward the door as Lightning and Noah walked into the building, Ezekiel and a depressed Scott right behind them.

Noah quickly glanced behind the door and saw Harold smashed against the wall. He sighed as the door slammed closed behind Scott and grabbed one of Harold's arms, helping him up.

"Homeschool, help me support the temporary cripple here."

Ezekiel frowned and crossed his arms. "No'o way homes. Harold is always mean t'a The Zeke."

Harold groaned and pushed himself off of Noah, pushing his glasses up on his nose. "Gosh! Now that everyone is finally paying attention, can we all see what the note on the door says?"

The other campers gathered around the door, dumping their trays of slop in the garbage can as they walked over. Once everyone was there, Gwen put her hands on her hips and cocked an eyebrow. "Alright. Who's going to read it?"

Lightning moved to grab the note. "Lightning will! Lightning is the best reader back home."

Justin, who was also at the front of the crowd, slapped the athlete's hand away, "Ahem. I'll read it. Need to exercise the eyes for my eye-modeling contracts."

Ezekiel scratched his head. "Is that a real thing, eh?"

Noah rolled his eyes. "Unfortunately, it probably is."

Justin scoffed. "Of course it's real. Poor Ezekiel, you have so much to learn about the real world still."

Justin took the note that was hanging on the inside of the mess hall main doors and began reading it as his fellow campers waited in anticipation.

"Hey campers. Report to the eastern edge of the island on the beach for today's totally tubular challenge! Swag money. Swag money. Thumbs up. One hundred."

Courtney groaned. "And I thought that those things sounded stupid when people my age used them."

Cody looked offended. "Hey now, they aren't stupid! It's a new way of communicating, is all."

"A new way of communicating for dumbasses maybe."

Heather looked irritated. "Ugghhh, who taught Chris how to use emojis?"

Harold grimaced. "Gosh, it's like my grandpa trying to use teen-speak. I much prefer sanskrit and hieroglyphics myself. Not only are they culturally historical, but aliens likely used them when they were on Earth."

"Harold, I've already told you several times: stop watching the History Channel. It's all just conspiracies."

"How do you explain the pyramids then, huh Trent?!"

Justin pursed his lips as he opened the door. "Well, as fascinating as this is, and believe me, I'm fascinated, we better get going. Beauty first!" With that, he walked out of the mess hall first, leaving the rest of the campers to roll their eyes at his antics and follow the male model.

CONFESSIONAL:

Courtney: She groaned as she held her face in her hands. "Justin is lucky that I need him for now. That's all I'll say."

Cody: He looked desperately at the camera. "Emojis are cool, right? The Codemeister can't be doing everything wrong!"

Harold: The nerd crossed his arms and flared his nostrils. "Trent's a cool guy, but GOSH! He subscribes to what most scientists and historians would tell you. Who trusts those guys? I'd rather trust the word of the ancient people. I mean, they did those wicked cool drawings of animal-people. And they appreciated people of many skills, like yours truly." Harold took a bow with closed eyes.

(The Eastern Beach)

Chris grinned at the approaching campers from his fold-out beach chair, wearing sunglasses as he shot finger guns at them.

"Well if it isn't my favorite batch of people! Excited for the challenge, ya scalawags?"

Many of them groaned at his statement.

"We're doing pirate stuff, aren't we?"

Chris smiled widely, "How perceptive of you, Mike. Why all of the long faces? I thought you all would love this theme!"

Gwen put her hands on her hips. "Where's the fake parrot? Couldn't you at least include the best part from last time?"

Heather smirked at the memory. "Does this mean that one of us will be getting an immunity pass again?"

"Oh hell no! Queenie over there had better not be getting free plot armor like last time!" Leshawna had her hands on her hips with eyes narrowed at Chris.

Ezekiel looked really confused. He leaned over to whisper to Trent, who was right next to him. "Hey, what's plot armor, eh?"

"Plot armor is basically when someone avoids bad things happening to them because they're interesting or important or lucky."

Ezekiel put his hands in his pockets and muttered bitterly. "Jeez, The Zeke wishes he could have some 'a that."

Trent sighed and put a hand on his teammate's shoulder. "We all do, Zeke. We all do. That's what the number nine is for."

Chris rolled his eyes and stood up from his chair, putting both hands behind his back authoritatively. "No, we won't be gifting immunity like that. This season is all about brutality! You've gotta fight to stay."

He grinned evilly. "And I thought, what better fits Total Drama than a bunch of backstabbing, eccentric, greedy teenagers picking fights over absolutely nothing?"

Harold shrugged, causing the others to look at him. "He's got a point."

Chris chuckled a bit as he popped up next to the nerd, pushing his glasses up further on his nose. "Thank you Harold. I always try so hard to earn your personal approval."

Harold crossed his arms and muttered a quick "Gosh" under his breath as Chris continued.

"Now, Chef will bring your vessels shortly. Each team will man one of the ships and try to sink the enemy in classic war fashion! Only the strongest will survive! We outfitted classic cannons and cannon balls onboard. As long as none of you get trigger-happy, nobody should be hurt."

Chris pointedly glared at Scott, who stepped back and put his hands up. "Hey now, that was kind of an accident."

"Now, who is the captain of each team?! I'm talking the toughest and most resilient member from each team!"

Several people in the crowd opened their mouths to claim that title. That is, before Chris interrupted them all with an outstretched hand and a laugh.

"Just kidding! I already know the answers! Which is why I generously decided to pick the best member of each team for you."

The Killer Sharks looked somewhat expectantly at Alejandro as most of the Screaming Bears sported smug grins, believing it to be them.

"I mean, of course, Cody and Lightning!"

The Killer Sharks looked shocked, as did Cody. That is, until the news sunk in and he grew a proud look on his face.

"Ah yeah, the Codemeister will be the best captain ever!"

Some people rolled their eyes, but this was nothing compared to what would come next.

"Yesss! Lightning is always team captain back home! He'll lead this team to VICTORY!" Lightning mimed throwing a football onto the ground and threw his fist into the air, cheering for himself.

If the Killer Sharks looked displeased by their captain, the Screaming Bears looked incredibly annoyed.

"Chris, why did you pick Lightning? He has no brain!" Heather motioned to the athlete, who was doing a victory dance.

"I agree Chris. It should be me as the captain. After all, I'm the only one here who is a real—"

"A real nagging pain. I don't see why you would bother complaining when you know that Chris won't change his mind no matter what you say." Noah looked particularly bored of the declarations of leadership.

Chris shot a thumbs up at the bookworm, "How right you are, Noah! I'm glad to see someone here who is above complaining."

Alejandro cut in. "Excuse me Chris, but our team didn't complain about our captain."

Eva grunted. "But we were certainly thinking about it."

Chris ignored them. "Here comes Chef with your vessels now!"

A loud skidding noise was heard as two giant wooden ships pulled up near the shore, looking sturdy but very badly cared for. They looked practically identical in all respects, except that they had different insignias on their sails. While one spotted the red logo of the Killer Sharks, the other was embroidered with the green logo of the Screaming Bears. Chef Hatchet, now dressed in a pirate outfit that looked similar to that of Captain Jack Sparrow, grinned sinisterly down at the campers.

Justin squinted his eyes and looked around. "Where are the oil tankers?"

Chris didn't look amused by the joke. "Those people aren't REAL pirates. Have you ever seen a Somali pirate swashbuckle onto an oil tanker?"

There was a bout of silence that followed for an awkward period of time.

"That's what I thought. Now go ahead and man your stations, campers! You owe the viewers a good performance after whatever the heck that abomination was yesterday!"

"Come on Team Lightning! Let's sha-crush this challenge!" Lightning leapt into the water and began swimming toward the wooden ladder on the left side of his team's boat.

His team just watched him as he enthusiastically swam and leapt onto the boat's wooden ladder. They then turned their eyes to the rope ladder that Chef had slung over the edge of the boat nearest to them.

"Gosh, he's not that smart, but you have to admire the enthusiasm." Harold motioned for the girls to take the rope ladder first.

"He seems like a great pick for captain to me," Lindsay climbed up the ladder first.

"That's just classic Lightning for you. He'll be fine until we hit the merge," Zoey climbed up after her with a slight laugh.

Courtney gave Harold a death glare as she took the bottom of the rope ladder from him and began climbing.

Noah sighed, "Just be ready to mutiny against the captain if he tries to christen the boat 'The Lightning'." The bookworm began climbing the ladder, followed by Justin.

"I, for one, am glad to serve underneath such a dynamic leader."

Noah cocked an eyebrow at this as the boys came up on the edge of the boat.

CONFESSIONAL:

Justin: He looked straight at the camera with a disinterested look, "Yeah, Lightning is a complete moron. Huge ego too. I could maybe understand if he looked as good as me," Justin caressed his face and smiled proudly, "but he doesn't. Unfortunately he has a vote despite all of that."

The male model examined his nails, "I know that Noah is trying to buddy up with him, but I can't let that happen. So I suppose I'm going to have to charm Lightning. Not the first time I've charmed a guy like him."

His eyes widened as he realized what that implied, "Wait! I didn't mean it like that!"

Noah: The bookworm looked worried, "Justin is trying to pull the same trick as me, I just know it. And he's more like Lightning than I could ever be."

He sighed exasperatedly, "I guess I'm going to have to connect with Lightning more than I planned. He probably wouldn't betray someone he considers a 'sha-friend'." The last part was made in unenthusiastic finger-quotes.

(The Killer Sharks' Ship)

Chris stood in front of the Killer Sharks on their pirate ship, a box full of cheap-looking pirate hats sitting next to him.

"Alright campers, go ahead and put these cool hats on. We need to give the authentic pirate look."

Most of them began grabbing a hat, except for one person.

"But Chris, I can't wear a hat. I won't be able to actually compete in the challenge as myself." Mike definitely did not look enthused about this new rule. In fact, he looked quite nervous.

Chris narrowed his eyes a bit and squinted at Mike, who had been the person to speak up. Chris grinned at him, "Sorry Mike, I kind of forgot about your unique situation. Now if only you could find someone who cared."

"But—"

Chris held a hand up to silence him, "Listen Mike, you don't have to wear it if you don't want to."

Mike sighed in relief as a smile grew on his face.

"That is, if you want to forfeit the challenge. I payed good money for these hats! You teenagers just don't appreciate the effort I put into these props."

(Flashback to when Chris Purchased the Hats)

"Are you a member of our rewards program?"

The customer seemed to ignore the question as he grabbed his bags and left. The employee let his fake smile slip as he mumbled under his breath, "Jerk."

The line cycled, with a very familiar face approaching the counter now.

The Dollar Store employee's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates as he laid eyes on Chris McLean, the famous host of Total Drama.

Chris was holding a whole box of cheap pirate hats. The host slammed said box down onto the counter and put his hand over it, shooting the employee a finger gun and a cheesy smile.

"How much is all of this if I buy it in bulk?"

It took a few moments for the employee to regain his composure, "Uhhhhh, we don't discount for bulk, sir. They'll all be their regular price of $1."

Chris sighed but reluctantly pulled $17 out of his pocket, slamming it down onto the counter. "I knew I should've gone to Costco."

(Back to the Present)

Numerous people rolled their eyes, Gwen being at the forefront.

"Wow Chris, I'm sorry we were so unappreciative of these crappy pirate hats." She picked one up and used both hands to bend it nearly in half.

Chris put a hand on his chest and smiled. "Why thank you Gwen. I'm glad to see that you've mellowed out, now that the bad influence of Duncan is gone."

Gwen looked miffed. Leshawna put a hand on her shoulder and glared at Chris, who looked quite smug.

"BURRRRNNN!"

Alejandro patted Mike on the back, holding the last hat in his left hand. "It'll be fine, amigo. It's just for one challenge, after all. I'm sure no one will blame you for what your personality does."

Mike shot a strange look at the Latino before giving him a small smile and grabbing the pirate hat, "Thanks Alejandro. You're a lot nicer than you looked on TV."

Alejandro shot a smile at the spiky-haired boy as Mike laid the hat on his head, letting out a dramatic gasp as his face contorted into an increasingly cocky one.

"'Ello mates! We're playin' pirates, eh?"

Most of Mike's teammates didn't look ecstatic about this new arrival. Leshawna, however, was more focused on Alejandro than she was on Manitoba Smith.

CONFESSIONAL:

Leshawna: She had her arms crossed with a suspicious look on her face, "Alejandro is like a virus. He gains allies every single day. I can't let him keep infesting everyone with his lies! Brother is going down tonight if I have anything to do with it."

"Alright everyone, gather around. The Codemeister is going to assign you all your jobs."

Cody turned to Gwen and Trent, who stood next to each other on his left, "Gwen, Trent, we need to play the offense if we're going to win. Would you two swim over to their boat and try to sabotage?"

Gwen smiled at Cody, "Sure thing, Captain. I'm the best at home at destroying giant ships."

Trent shot a sideways glance at Gwen and then looked at Cody. Cody just winked at him.

Trent smiled, "Yeah! I'll be sure to make some noise over there!"

Cody smiled and turned toward the others.

"Alright then. We need some people to fire the cannons."

Ezekiel stepped forward proudly, glancing at Leshawna. "The Zeke will take care 'a it, eh! And I'll do it with my good friend Alejandro'o."

"Uh, Zeke? Alejandro and Scott already left for the bottom deck..."

Ezekiel's eyes opened as he looked around him. Sure enough, both Alejandro and Scott were gone. So was Manitoba Smith, strangely.

"Oh, uhhhhh."

Leshawna put a hand on the prairie boy's shoulder and smiled at him. "Don't worry sugar, Leshawna will help you fire."

Ezekiel looked a bit conflicted at this development for a moment before he smiled and nodded his head. "Yeah, okay."

"Cool! The Codemeister will take the wheel."

(The Screaming Bears' Ship)

Lightning was in the middle of the team huddle, all of them wearing ridiculous pirate hats and looking quite disgruntled about it.

"Alright team! Captain Lightning says that smart guy and naggy girl will be on wheel and navigation!"

Noah shrugged half heartedly as Courtney looked miffed at being placed with him.

"The model and the nerd are going to fire cannons at the other ship!"

Harold smiled at Justin. The male model looked at his band mate and smiled back, though it looked a tad sinister.

Lightning now pointed at Lindsay and Zoey. " You two! Go over there and sha-sabotage their ship! Lightning never loses!"

Zoey and Lindsay both looked a bit conflicted about this, but they nodded anyway.

Heather scowled, her hands on her hips, "And what about me, dear captain? What am I supposed to do?"

Lightning rubbed his chin for a moment, "Uhhh, you could guard the lower deck with Lightning? We've gotta make sure the other team doesn't try any funny business."

Heather pursed her lips in reluctant agreement as Lightning put his hand in the middle of the huddle, "Go Team Lightning!"

One by one, his other teammates put their hands on his. Once all hands were in the pile, Lightning pushed them upward and let out a victory shout, "Now get to it!"

Everyone shuffled to their stations, some of them grumbling about the captain.

Scott snuck quietly around the squeaking boards of the bottom deck, looking around as he crept.

This ship was really falling apart from the inside. If he could just find a way to tamper with it that didn't seem obvious, he could—

"And just what are you doing down here, amigo?"

Scott whirled around, his gray eyes catching the green orbs of Alejandro. The farm boy narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms, "I haven't done anything, DAD. I was just going to patrol down here in case the Bears had the same idea as us."

Alejandro sported a skeptical look on his face as he pointed at something behind Scott, "Then what exactly is that behind you? Perhaps it was just an accident, you'll tell me?"

Scott craned his head backwards to see a massive anchor sticking in that floor of the ship, creating a massive hole. Water was slowly leaking from the hole, though it thankfully didn't seem to be enough to sink the entire ship.

Scott gulped as he looked at it, knowing he would get the blame. He turned back around to look at Alejandro, "Uhhh, would you believe me if I said that it wasn't me?"

*CLASP*

"Oh c'mon, you can't be this much of a buzzkill. I already told you it wasn't me! Why won't you believe me?"

Alejandro turned the key, locking the door that Scott was trapped behind. The camera zoomed out to reveal that Scott was trapped in one of the ship brig's cages. The walls were lined with wooden boards and nothing was in the cramped cell except a bucket.

The Latino gave a disappointed look to Scott, shaking his head, "You should know that I want to trust you, Scott. But for that to happen, you need to prove yourself trustworthy."

Scott grasped the bars and tried his hardest to force an innocent look onto his face, "I am trustworthy! I promise! Just let me out, please."

Alejandro's eyes narrowed suspiciously, "Why do you want to be let out so badly? Surely you didn't have important plans down here?"

Scott cursed inwardly. Well, there went his plan to cause a bunch of inner damage and blame it on Manitoba Smith. Honestly, his luck was just the worst. It would be sort of unfair if he wasn't such a strategic mastermind.

"You will remain here for the rest of the challenge to think about what you have done. I will try to keep the others out of here so they don't see the damage you've caused." With that, Alejandro walked away from the wooden cell. Scott's eyes widened. The bastard was actually going to leave him here!

"So how do you want to go about this, Gwen?"

Gwen glanced at Trent and then back over to the Screaming Bears ship, which seemed to be getting more organized with every passing minute.

"We should probably just swim over and around. Crawl over the side and try to remain unnoticed. They'll probably try to distance themselves if we wait much longer."

Trent raised an eyebrow, "But won't the water smudge your makeup?"

Gwen smiled, "Yeah, but I'm not Heather. It's no big deal really. Not like I have anyone here to look good for."

Trent chuckled a bit, unsure of how he should respond to that. He settled for punching her arm playfully, "Well, let's get going then. Chris might chum the waters if we don't give him some action."

(The Eastern Beach)

Chris rubbed his right index finger on his chin thoughtfully as he looked at the monitor, "Hmmm, that's not a bad idea. How did I not think of that?!"

He snapped his fingers loudly, "Intern!"

Immediately, a teenage boy with black hair and a red shirt raced up the beach, panting as he stopped next to Chris.

Chris frowned at him, "Why didn't you get me some chum to put in the waters?"

The internet looked confused as he twiddled his thumbs, "Uhhh, because you didn't tell me to...sir?"

Chris looked at Chef, who just looked back at the host. They both began laughing as the intern sweated.

Chris managed to control his laughter after a few seconds, "You're right. Silly me. Would you get me some chum? I want to use some for the follow-up challenge."

The intern nodded and looked like he was about to take off before he had a thought, "Wait, where am I supposed to get chum?"

Chef pursed his lips and took a simple butter knife out of his pocket, tossing it to the intern. The intern caught the knife and looked at it with a confused expression.

"Just go kill some things; I don't care. My job is to tell you what to do." Chris waved his hand dismissively at the intern, who sighed heavily and walked away from the beach.

(The Screaming Bears' Ship)

"Why do you always have to be so uncooperative?! Just tell me where to go!"

"Well, I suppose I could say it's fun for me, but being around lots of the people here is never fun for long," Noah sarcastically quipped back to the CIT as he held his map of the ocean around the island in his hands, his eyes lazily studying it. Courtney stood only a few feet away from him, her hands clutching the captain's wheel as she attempted to pull closer to the enemy ship.

Courtney scowled as she looked at Noah quickly, "You'd better watch your back, bookworm. I'm really not someone you want to mess with."

"Alright, I'll watch my back. I think you should probably watch where you're going, though."

As he said this, the ship flopped upwards and was pushed a bit to the left, jarring everyone slightly as it fell back into the water. A quick look overboard would reveal a large rock in the ocean that Courtney had ran the ship into.

Lightning popped up in the door that led to the lower deck. He looked angry, "Why don't you two just make out if you're not going to navigate?!"

Courtney's eyes widened, "With him?! Never in a million years! Anyway, we wouldn't be having any problems if he would give me good directions!"

Lightning grunted and popped back through the door, heading back to the lower deck.

"Yeah, and I actually have something going for me, contrary to Courtney's taste in men."

Courtney's eyes flamed up, much to Noah's amusement. The two continued bickering.

"I would strangle you if I didn't have to keep my hands on this wheel!"

"Eh, you'd probably be doing me a favor. People tend to have more sympathy for the injured person."

Nearby, Justin watched them argue, a mixture of amusement and exasperation in his blue eyes as he carted a few heavy black cannonballs from one side of the ship's deck to the other.

Soon, he came upon Harold, who was squatting next to one of the heavy classical-style cannons on the ship's left side. Justin quickly pushed one of the cannonballs into the cannon as Harold brought out a match.

"Gosh, they just really don't mix well, huh? It reminds me a lot of oil and water."

Justin laughed a bit as Harold lit the cannon before holding his ears as said cannon loudly shot a cannonball in the direction of the enemy ship. Justin could just barely see the cannonball graze the ship's hull.

"Well, they both have pretty grating personalities. Courtney thinks she's right all the time and Noah thinks he knows everything."

Harold glanced at Justin, "Fair enough. How have you been doing? We haven't had much of a chance to talk in a bit."

Justin smiled, "Eh, this place is just like how I remember it. Ridiculous challenges and ridiculous people. I suppose it's cool we're on the same team now though, right?"

Harold grinned widely at the model as he loaded another one of the cannonballs and began trying to aim the cannon at the middle of the enemy ship, "Yeah, I'm glad that we're at least on the same team. It feels like the Drama Brothers haven't been able to hang out in such a long time."

Justin's smile fell a bit as he watched Harold begin lighting the cannon again, "Yeah I guess you're right. Maybe we could get together tonight in our cabin? We could ask Noah and our dear 'captain' to leave."

Harold looked thoughtful about the idea as he used a rag to clean the inside of the cannon to prepare it for another cannonball.

"Well...Noah and I have kind of been playing games in the afternoons..."

Justin had a sudden idea, a smirk growing on his face as he leaned in to Harold's ear, "I'm sure it'll be fine. Besides, we're buds too, right Harold? Surely you and I can hang out as well." The male model slung one of his arms around the nerd's shoulder. Harold looked back at him and smiled, holding his hand out. Justin shook it eagerly.

"Alright! We can invite Trent and Cody! I'll bring out my Yahtzee board!"

Justin waited until Harold turned away to load another cannonball to groan quietly. God, he hated Yahtzee. He always sucked at that game. It had resulted in him having to take quite a few embarrassing dares on Drama Brothers' tours.

He glanced at Harold. He also hated what he was doing, if only just a bit.

"Did you know that cannons were the earliest form of gunpowder artillery? I mean, gosh, just imagine how the design must have influenced the first design of a gun. After all, a cannon used to have to be manned by 200 men at a time. I wonder if the gun came about because they wanted something that any man could use?"

Justin rolled his eyes at Harold's random fact of the day. The nerd was his friend, but he could sure be annoying sometimes.

CONFESSIONAL:

Justin: He had his arms crossed and sported a conflicted look in his eyes, "Alright, so Harold could be really useful to me. I could use him to take an official majority of the team's votes and throw Noah out of here next elimination round. Then I could cruise to the merge."

He then pursed his lips, "But he's also a good friend of mine. I mean, we've been in a band together for two years now! I really don't know how I'll live with myself if I have to manipulate and lie to him."

"...maybe he'll understand? I mean, it is 5 million dollars."

(The Killer Sharks' Ship)

Leshawna loaded the cannon with the first cannonball, lighting it with one of the matches and wincing as the loud sound of it going off rattled her ears. God, she would've hated to have lived in medieval times.

A sudden noise that grew closer attracted her attention now. She looked to her left to see Ezekiel rolling a cannonball toward her with lots of effort, his forehead wrinkling as he pushed the heavy ball.

Leshawna covered her mouth with her hand to stop herself from laughing. Yep, he was definitely not the right person for this job.

She walked over toward him and attempted to scoop the cannonball up before he stopped her.

She looked down at him with a questioning look.

He panted as he looked up at her, "No'o, I can do'o this, eh. I couldn't let ya do'o this."

Leshawna raised an eyebrow and smiled at him, a glint in her eyes.

"Why is that? Still think that girls are too weak to do any heavy-lifting?"

Ezekiel's eyes flew open as he stood up, his hands in a defensive and surrendering position as he scrambled for words, "N-no'o eh! The Zeke just didn't think ya should do'o it because ya might hurt yourself."

His eyes widened a bit as he realized how that sounded, "Not that ya would hurt yourself, homes! The Zeke was just tryin' to be chivalrous!"

Leshawna laughed at his struggle as she patted him on the head, "Don't worry 'bout it white boy. Leshawna was just having some fun with you."

Ezekiel sighed in relief as he glanced at her pathetically.

Eva interrupted the moment, carrying five cannonballs at once toward the cannon with nothing but a grunt.

As she walked past them, she scowled, "You're such a spaz, Homeschool. Just keep Leshawna here company while I DO your job. Your noodle arms aren't going to be that useful here anyway."

Ezekiel looked ready to defend himself when he realized that picking a fight against Eva was probably not advisable for his health. So, he clamped his mouth shut. Talk? He could do that. Though the idea of talking to Leshawna for this long was kind of worrying to him. He didn't know how to talk to girls! That had never been in his textbook at home.

Leshawna began lighting the cannon as Eva walked over to get more cannonballs. The prairie boy racked his mind for something to say. Leshawna seemed to notice this, as she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye.

"Uhhhh, so'o what's up, eh?"

Eva rolled her eyes as she passed him, dropping another armful of cannonballs on the wooden deck.

CONFESSIONAL:

Eva: "For a 'big strong man', Homeschool sure sucks at talking to girls. I mean, I set him up and everything there!" Eva threw her hands up in indignation.

"I'm still tryin' to get jiggy with everyone else's sleep schedules here, yo'o. 'Specially with my new homie Brick gone so'o soon."

Leshawna began laughing at him, shaking her head, "Zeke, you're really something, ya know that?"

Ezekiel racked his brain for a reason why she would be laughing at him. He had just answered her question about how he was feeling!

Man, life was so unfair to him. First he became known as the "Sexist Pig" of Total Drama because of ignorance. Then he became a feral beast consumed with greed. And even after all of that, he still didn't know how to talk to most people.

He could vaguely see Eva pass by him as Leshawna laughed and cleaned the cannon out to make way for another cannonball. The fitness buff seemed almost like she was mouthing something to him.

He squinted and tried to read her lips. Reef walking? That didn't make any sense.

That's when he remembered some advice that his dad had once given him about girls. Eh, he meant another piece of advice about girls.

...

Alright, so maybe the advice had backfired drastically last time, but Ezekiel was never afraid of making big mistakes!

Girls loved a good listener, his dad had told him. So, Ezekiel didn't necessarily have to talk to her. He just had to get her talking.

"Hey Leshawna. What's your home life like, homie?"

Eva rolled her eyes as she heard Leshawna begin telling Ezekiel about herself. Honestly, the idiot couldn't even realize that she was telling him to keep talking.

The fitness buff thought about how clueless people in the prairie must be as she grabbed another handful of cannonballs and walked them back over to the cannon.

CONFESSIONAL:

Eva: The fitness buff looked at the camera with interest, "Yeah, I've got to admit that I'm starting to like both Leshawna and Homeschool, so it's good to see that they're getting along. I need all the friends I can get on this show."

Leshawna: Leshawna sits comfortably with one leg tucked over the other, "I've gotta admit, Zeke isn't as bad as I thought he was. I thought that white boy would be clueless about pretty much everything."

She then gained a serious look, "Leshawna needs to dissuade him away from that snake. I just don't know how to do it yet. Maybe if I can get Alejandro eliminated next ceremony..."

Ezekiel: The prairie boy smiled proudly at the camera and made a rap symbol with his hands, "The Zeke is surprised that worked! Maybe he can get his rep up by hangin' with Leshawna more often. After all, she knows how t'a be cool!"

He then gets a thoughtful look on his face, "The Zeke could also use this opportunity t'a convince her that Alejandro'o is a good guy now."

Cody kept a steady hold of the wheel on the top deck, looking down pridefully at Leshawna, Ezekiel and Eva scrambling down below him.

He briefly pondered on where Manitoba Smith was. The Australian adventurer had said that he wanted to be the navigator, but Cody hadn't seem him since they had first arrived on the ship. To be frank, it was getting kind of dangerous to steer the ship into random directions, even though Cody hadn't actually hit anything yet.

He knew that his teammates hadn't been excited to hear that he was their captain for this challenge, but he had kinda wanted to prove himself strong here. After all, that would be the only way to show his value as a competitor and his value to the ladies.

He fidgeted with the wheel absentmindedly, afraid to make too many turns lest he mess up and end up on the chopping block at the next elimination ceremony. Honestly, he had too much going on to leave the island right now.

He was rudely yanked out of his thoughts at the sound of a loud collision on the top deck of the ship. He frantically ran away from the wheel to look over the edge at his teammates and also to assess the damage. What he saw wasn't quite what he had expected.

He ran down the stairs as quickly as his legs would carry him and stopped right next to the Killer Sharks' only cannon, which was now charred and somewhat destroyed.

"What happened?! Did they get a direct hit on the cannon?!"

Leshawna stuttered gibberish and Ezekiel seemed frozen as Eva, with crossed arms, turned toward the captain.

"Leshawna here was too busy talking to Homeschool to notice that she had loaded two cannonballs in at once. The cannon imploded."

"I'm really sorry you guys! I just completely blanked."

Cody sighed heavily and slapped his forehead, "What are we going to do now?! We have no way to attack!"

A voice laced with a heavy accent interrupted them, "Don't worry mates! Ol' Manitoba Smith will save ya keisters!"

All four of them whirled around to see the cocky Australian, his hands on his hips, walk past them and toward the cannon.

Cody studied him with a puzzled expression. Where had Manitoba been this whole time? Where had he come from? And had those dark circles under his eyes been there before?

Manitoba leaned down onto one knee and slipped a finger inside of the cannon. He withdrew it almost immediately, some charred ashes collected on it. He then licked it with a thoughtful expression.

The explorer immediately hopped back onto his feet with a cheerful voice, "I'll have 'er fixed up in no time!" He then proceeded to dig his hand inside of the cabin as if grasping for something, ignorant to the glances he was getting from his teammates.

Eva looked disgusted, "Yuck, why would you lick that crap?"

Manitoba looked back at her the way that a parent would look at a child, "I needed t'a see what the problem was with it. And it wouldn't 'a been necessary if you girls hadn't fouled 'er up in the first place."

Ezekiel gasped and Cody looked very frightened. The camera panned to Eva next. Her left eye was twitching as she balled up her fists and clenched them.

"After all, ya should never let a woman do a man's job. Not a fit thing for a battleship." The explorer didn't notice the effects his words were having on the others. He was too busy working.

Ezekiel whimpered at the murderous look on Eva's face and tried to hide behind Cody. It looked comical, however, because Ezekiel was bigger and taller than the tech geek.

"This reminds The Zeke 'a when that employee at the Playa called Eva "sir", eh."

Cody had a grimace on his face as he saw Leshawna grab onto Eva's torso to try to stop the fitness buff from throttling Manitoba.

"No. It's worse than that time. She doesn't have any lawn chairs to toss into the pool this time. The Codemeister is going to have to go in."

Ezekiel gulped loudly and saluted him, "The Zeke'll be at your funeral, homes."

Cody nodded and approached the situation cautiously, like how one would approach a wild animal.

"Now Eva, let's all just take a breath. We don't need to let our anger out in a violent way here."

"That's what Leshawna has been trying to say!" Leshawna struggled to keep Eva from getting any closer to Manitoba Smith.

Cody began biting his nails. Eva would probably get to Manitoba in a few seconds! He had to do something to stop it!

That's when he remembered that he was the captain of this ship, even if he wasn't elected democratically. He had to be strong in this situation.

With all of his resolve gathered, he slapped Eva lightly across the face, "Eva! You need to calm down!"

Eva blinked. Then she blinked again.

Ezekiel's eyes were the size of dinner plates, as were Leshawna's. Cody rubbed the back of his neck and nervously chuckled as he realized what he had done. He hoped they would have some chocolate at his funeral.

"Uhhhh, I needed to calm you down...I'm sorry..."

Eva just scowled and crossed her arms, taking a step back.

CONFESSIONAL:

Cody: The geek chuckled and rubbed his palms together nervously, "Man, I'm lucky that Eva agreed with me there. I thought for sure that I was a goner."

(The Killer Sharks' Ship: The Brig)

"I wonder what the first guy to touch the ocean was like? Was he like, 'I'm going to build something to float on this' or did he just drown?"

Scott's rambling was cut off abruptly as he heard footsteps approaching his lonely wooden cell. The farm boy sat up against the wall, his arms crossed as he waited to see who was coming to see him.

Alejandro came into view, a small wooden chair dragging against the floor behind him.

"What's this? You come back to give me my daily prison rations?"

Alejandro smiled at him, "I would never actually leave you down here alone, amigo. I just found it funny to listen to your insane rambling."

The Latino set his chair down right in front of Scott's cell and sat down comfortably, leaning back and examining Scott closely with his eyes.

Scott tried to ignore him but quickly became uncomfortable with being stared at, "What gives? The only people who are allowed to stare at me are the honeys."

Alejandro chuckled slightly, "It's not like that, Scott. I was just wondering what circumstances created an individual such as yourself."

Scott grunted and scowled, leaning back against the wall, "And why would you wanna know that? Care to blackmail me more than you already are?"

Alejandro looked offended, "I'm not blackmailing you, Scott. I'm just trying to help you be a better man."

Scott rolled his eyes, "That's simply not going to happen. I have no reason to act like a pushover in front of these people."

"Do you think that nice people are pushovers because of how you were raised?"

Scott froze, his eyes wide.

A poof could be seen on his left shoulder suddenly as a tiny version of Scott emerged out of a cloud of dust dressed in a cheap-looking Devil Halloween costume.

"Just go over there and clock that annoying snake right in the kisser. I'm tired of hearing him psycho-analyze you." Devil Scott scowled nastily and crossed his arms.

Another cloud of dust appeared on Scott's right shoulder, this one dissipating to reveal a tiny Scott with cheap seagull wings strapped to his back and a bent halo hovering above his head.

"Don't listen to this moron over here, Scott. Alejandro might be shady, but he's just trying to help ya."

Devil Scott narrowed his eyes and started shouting over at Angel Scott, pointing at him angrily, "This impostor over here isn't you! We did just fine last season by being devious and closed-off. I don't see why we should change up the strategy now."

"Tsk tsk, you're acting like a whiny little sow right now. We lost last time, need I remind you, mulch-head," Angel Scott fired back.

Devil Scott began growling as he leapt over to Scott's right shoulder and tackled Angel Scott to the ground. A cartoonish brawl commenced on the cell's wooden floor as they threw punches at each other and began trying to trip the other.

Devil Scott grabbed Angel Scott's halo and began mocking it, "My my, what a nice frisbee you have here," he then squinted at it and tried to yank it off, only to find that it wouldn't budge, "Hey, what gives!? How is this frisbee stuck to you?!"

Angel Scott smirked at him and headbutted the him in the face, "It's called a halo, you amateur!"

Regular Scott panicked and tried to separate the two with his hand, accidentally crushing them into dust, "Stop fighting! You're giving me a headache!"

The farm boy sat up and sighed with relief that the incessant bickering had stopped before realizing that Alejandro had been watching him the whole time. The Latino looked really weirded out.

"Caw! Caw caw caw! Meep!"

Alejandro and Scott both craned their heads to the left, where the obviously-fake bird noises were coming from.

They looked back at each other before Alejandro stood up and motioned for Scott to keep quiet.

"Oh my, I wonder where that exotic-sounding bird is. I'm going to go check it out, Scott." Alejandro said very monotonously before slowly walking toward where the noise came from down the hall.

Alejandro walked down the hall until he came to the point where it opened up into another hallway on the side. He could tell that Lindsay was right on the other side, judging from how her boot was jutting right into plain view.

He heard light giggling coming from the blonde as he quietly approached. Once he got close, he quickly grabbed her arm from around the corner and pulled her into view.

Lindsay looked shocked. She cocked her head in confusion, "How did you, like, know I was here?"

Alejandro tapped his foot as he glanced at her, "Let's just say that I had a gut feeling. Now, are you going to come quietly?"

Lindsay broke free of his grasp and gawked at something behind him. She pointed right over his left shoulder with a gasp, "What is that?!"

Alejandro just leveled his gaze at her, unimpressed.

"Did you really think that I would fall for that old trick, chica? Only an idiot or a child would."

Lindsay immediately began screaming and ran the opposite direction with her hands flailing all over the place. Alejandro just sighed and took off after her.

Zoey heard Lindsay's signature banshee screams growing fainter in the distance. She smiled; her plan had actually worked!

She crept around the corner of the hallway that she had hid in, tip-toeing over to the giant hole in the ground near where Alejandro had once sat. She quickly got a shabby pirate knife out of her pocket and began ripping the hole even bigger, trying to sink the boat.

She had just gotten onto the ground to get to work when she heard a voice suddenly speak up nearby.

"Why hello there, Zoey. Still good at the art of sabotage, I see."

Zoey scowled; she recognized that voice quite well. The indie chick turned her head to see Scott laying at the front of one of the brig cell's nearby. The farm boy was smiling unkindly at her.

"Save the chatter, Scott. I have no intention of talking to you." Zoey huffed and turned her back on her old enemy.

Scott smirked. Man, he just loved getting on her nerves. Honestly, she should thank him. Fans wouldn't love the bland girl anywhere as much as they did if he hadn't come along.

"What? Are you still upset about how I pretended to be your friend so that I could manipulate you? Or are you steamed about how I manipulated and eliminated Mike?"

Zoey clenched her fists in anger, but tried to ignore the devious farm boy. He was just trying to get under her skin. This thought kept her emotions in check as she tore up the ship's floor.

Scott frowned before getting an idea, "Yeah, it was so noble of you to take me out yourself. Too bad that Mike was too weak to stick around and help you, though." Scott shrugged his shoulders, "I guess that's just life, right Zoey?"

He smirked as he heard Zoey's knife clutter against the ground. He knew he could get her to snap.

Zoey stopped right in front of Scott's cell, glaring hatefully at him, "Don't you dare insult Mike. He's more well-liked by everyone than you will ever be."

Scott closed his eyes and put his hands up in surrender, "Maybe you're right, Zoey. It just seems such a shame how he keeps messing up in the challenges this year. Seems to be getting to the poor guy."

Zoey gasped, "You mean that you've been the one behind all of it? All of Mike's personality changes in the past few days?"

Scott shook his index finger at her, "Now Zoey, I really thought we were beyond this blame-game of yours. Why would I ever sabotage Mike? He's on my team."

Zoey rattled the bars of the cell, "Didn't stop you from sabotaging your own team last year."

Scott just stared at something behind her, his eyes wide.

Zoey quickly looked back, only to see nothing there. She turned back to Scott with an irritated look on her face.

"Yep. Just as gullible as ever! Now, if you would go over and finish sabotaging the ship, I'll get back to doing what I was doing before you so rudely interrupted me."

Zoey grumbled and walked back toward the gaping hole in the ship's wooden floor, "You weren't even doing anything! There's only a bucket in there!"

She heard Scott's voice call out to her one last time, "Foolish Zoey. Always unappreciative of the little things. A bucket can produce hours of entertainment! It was one of my favorite toys back at the farm!"

(Back on the Beach)

Chris laughed a bit as he lounged in his chair, a giant monitor sitting in front of him and Chef which was playing the current scenes on the ships.

He turned to the camera while wiping a tear from his eyes, "There you have it! Noah and Courtney traded verbal jabs! Leshawna messed up big time! Eva nearly killed Manitoba Smith! Justin can actually feel empathy! Who could've expected any of these things?!"

He then shot a trademark TV smile at the camera as he pointed dramatically, "We'll see you after this commercial break on Total. Drama. WARS!"

"...Hey Chef, do you think these glasses flatter my eyes?"

The Killer Sharks: Alejandro, Scott, Cody, Trent, Ezekiel, Mike, Leshawna, Eva, and Gwen

The Screaming Bears: Lightning, Heather, Zoey, Courtney, Justin, Noah, Lindsay, and Harold

Elimination Order: Jo, Duncan, Brick, ?

A tad bit late! But I promise you that the second part of this episode will be a big one! You'll be seeing A LOT of action both in the challenge and after it ;) This chapter is a bit of a build up to that.

Check my profile for a quick poll for the story and for my recommendation of two other AMAZING competition fics that I've been reading!

Seriously though, I'm going to try to carve more time for this story. I really love writing it and I love reading what you guys think! I promise a new chapter will come out within every two weeks! Scout's honor!

Shoot a review if you liked it! Or maybe a follow/fav to the story.

Who do you think sabotaged the Killer Sharks if it wasn't Scott? Do you see things Scott's way or Alejandro's way?

Who do you support in the tug of war between Noah vs. Justin and Courtney?

Can the Killer Sharks come back from the brink of defeat?

And what is happening over on the Screaming Bears' ship?

Find out next time! This is WhatTheHeck23 signing off!