AN: Happy New Year everyone. Thanks for sticking with me on this journey so far. May this fic continue to bring you whatever it is you seek from it in the new year.
TW/
recreational drug use (cannabis)
referenced/implied sexual assault
referenced self-harm
panic attack
(I promise this chapter is mostly feel good)
Locks' last goodbye. Tifa's "accident."
Lock's scars. Tifa's long sleeves.
Her eyes widen as she recognizes him and she hurries to put her cardigan on. The movement makes Cloud's gaze dart to her arms, where he glimpses the white lines that glow against her pale skin. His heart twists, sucking the air out of his lungs.
Of course.
It's as if two people are sitting in front of him. The faceless shadow of his close friend calls to him, and Cloud steps forward.
"What are you doing here?"
Her voice - Tifa's voice - pulls him out of his reverie and only one person remains - the terrified girl he's gotten to know over the past few weeks. Her entire body is rigid as she waits for an answer, hawkish eyes watching every move he makes.
The million things he could say - should say, wants to say - struggle against the lump in his throat. Cloud's stuck between revealing himself to her and keeping things as they are now between them. How does he come clean? Gods, what would she even say?
The joint between her fingers twitches, smoke curling into the air. Cloud coughs, deciding he has to at least respond. He goes with the first thing that comes to mind: simple truth.
"I was on a walk. I heard singing."
Her teeth sink into her lower lip - bad sign. She's only getting more anxious. One of her legs draws up and onto the platform as if she's going to stand - she's going to flee. He's shattered her sense of safety in this isolated place.
"I'm sorry," he says. Tifa turns back to him, her features softening, though the rest of her remains taut. "I didn't know it was you. But I heard the song and…"
Cloud digs his nails into his fist to steady himself.
"It was beautiful."
Her eyes shimmer with unshed tears and color blooms across her cheeks. Tifa sniffs and wipes her face with her sleeve, unable to look at him anymore.
"Thank you," she whispers.
She doesn't move to get up. The pressure releases from his chest, but he stays where he is for fear of startling her further. He should leave - Cloud should leave Tifa alone.
But Fenrir begs to stay and be with Locks again.
"Can I sit with you?"
Tifa doesn't answer right away, still chewing on her lip in contemplation. A few heartbeats pass between them before she finally nods.
Once he sits down, she mumbles, "I don't get you."
Cloud leans his head back against the water tower with a sigh. "What's there to get?"
Her clothes rustle. When he glances at her in his periphery, Tifa's drawing both of her knees to her chest.
"You barely know me, but you're always trying to help." Her voice grows quieter when she adds, "I don't understand why you care."
Her tone implies the rest: when no one else does. Cloud closes his eyes and sucks in a deep breath. I've always cared is what he wants to shout, but the words turn to ash in his mouth. He's on the edge of a chasm and he's afraid of stepping over because he doesn't know if he'll fall or fly. Fenrir is screaming at him to call her by the name he's known for three years, but Cloud, in knowing Tifa and Locks, doesn't believe telling her now is right. Perhaps because she's already dealing with the fact that he's discovered her sacred place and she's vulnerable. Considering how high Tifa keeps her guard, saying those words might just freak her out.
He opts again for a simpler, incomplete truth.
"I already told you - I relate." Cloud opens his eyes and leans forward so he can see her better. "I understand feeling like you don't have anyone."
He pauses, unsure of what to say next, then decides it's best to let her make the next move. Tifa doesn't respond right away; her joint at her lips, she takes a long drag before resting her chin on her knees and letting smoke drift out of her mouth and nose.
As the silence extends, Cloud takes in the rest of the area. It's mostly overgrown brush; the water tower is the only thing of note for several yards all around, and it's definitely seen better days. There are lights around the top of the structure, glowing just enough that they can see each other. The platform is stable but creaky, complaining at every move they make. It's not completely uncomfortable, though - not when he focuses on the sky, and the world around him shrinks.
It's so easy to get caught up in the vastness of space out here. They sit facing away from town, so the only backdrop to the millions of light pricks is Mt. Nibel. Cloud forgets about the rickety wood and how his arms sting from the nicks of low-hanging branches - for a moment, all that exists is them and this glittering void.
Somehow, getting sucked into the night sky makes him more aware of Tifa's presence and how close she actually is. Maybe he should scoot away and give her more space. He doesn't want to crowd her—
"—smoke?"
Cloud blinks. Tifa comes into focus, her arms still wrapped around her knees, but now she's facing him. How long has she been staring at him and he's been daydreaming like an idiot? Her shoulders droop, and his heart swells to know she's relaxing, though there's confusion and hesitation in her eyes. Her mouth is slightly open, like she just said something.
"Wh-what?"
Tifa rolls her eyes, an indignant noise slipping past her lips. He's about to apologize for not listening when her arm extends into the space between them, index and middle finger pointing the joint in his direction. Her sleeve stretches up her arm, revealing the beginning of one of her many scars.
Cloud gulps as he takes the cigarette. He's familiar with the marks she's left all over herself; not in a physical sense, not that he's seen them outside of the glimpse he got tonight, but he knows better than anyone why she wears such long sleeves even when it's warm. Some scars are a few years old, some date to before they even started talking, and some are as recent as…
Cloud lifts the joint to his lips and savors the taste, filling his lungs with smoke and drowning out his thoughts. He will not dwell on that for the time being.
"What happened to your face?"
His brow furrows as he blows out of his nostrils. "What's wrong with my face?"
Tifa chews on the corner of her mouth, but it tugs upward just the slightest bit. Cloud smiles a little.
"There's a cut. And on your arms, too."
Her words bring the prickling back to the forefront of his mind. Cloud fights back a wince. "Oh. I fell on my way here…"
"Ah." Crickets fill the silence. "They don't look bad. But…" Tifa's nose scrunches in thought before she pulls her bag from behind her and digs through it. "I have some sanitary wipes." She glances up at him over her bag and Cloud has to will himself not to stare at the stars twinkling in her eyes. "If… you want."
He has a hard time hearing her over his thundering heart, but another puff of the cigarette dulls the noise. "I'll trade you."
The packet appears in her hand and she puts the bag away. Cloud offers the cigarette first, which she takes and exchanges the wipes using her other hand. When he peels the wrapper back and pulls a napkin out, Tifa points to her forehead. Cloud cleans the spot she shows him, a red smear appearing on the wipe when he brings his hand back down. He sighs as he pulls another out for his arms, returning the rest to Tifa. She goes back to stargazing as he tidies up.
"Something told me you smoked," she comments as he finishes. Her voice is quiet and even - not a jab, just an observation.
"Yeah?"
Tifa opens her mouth, then closes it as she searches for the right words. "You have… a thing about authority."
Cloud can't help the chuckle that escapes him. Her brows raise.
"What?"
He shakes his head. "Nothing, just, you're right. What made you guess?"
"The piercings, for one." She glances at him out of the corner of her eye. "The way you and Cid talk to each other. The… Rufus thing today."
Her voice falls on the last sentence. She takes a deep breath before speaking again, playing with her hair and staring into the sky with a wistful look.
"When you say you relate…"
Cloud turns to her, his eyes resting on her exposed tattoo - which, along with so much else, has taken on new meaning for him tonight. Out in this secluded area, away from all of one's fears, it's so easy to get lost in the sea of stars. Perhaps that's why they mean so much to her - why they've always meant so much to her. At least out here, she can be herself and not worry about what others are saying about her, what others will do to her. Out here, it's just her and all the tiny lights that make up the universe.
"Can you tell me… how?"
Cloud chews on the inside of his cheek, giving himself time to choose his words carefully. Locks knows how… but Tifa doesn't realize it. Her song tells him she read his message, but he's not sure if she's sent anything back - he deleted the app after sending his last letter.
Over the past couple of weeks, Cloud has gotten used to Tifa being a stranger and starting a friendship with her from the ground up. Now that he's aware she isn't just some random girl he goes to school with, it dawns on him just how much he knows about her, and that thought unsettles him.
He can't imagine how it would shake her.
He should gain her trust more as Cloud before dropping that bomb on her and forever changing the landscape of their fragile relationship. It would be easier to convey once he's had some time to sit on it, and springing it on her here wouldn't be fair.
His fingers drum on the wood next to him as he chooses his words. "I'm used to being an outcast, too. Being looked at differently. Teased." He laughs again. "Unfortunately, I pick fights."
"Is that why—" Tifa stops, drawing her knees closer.
"Why what?"
She inhales, holds it, lets it go. "I don't like rumors," she breathes. "But I heard some kids talking about… about you having a record. Is that why… you got sent out here?"
Cloud hums. "Got into a fight trying to defend someone." He leans back on one hand, scratching the back of his head with the other. "I get into a lot of trouble doing that, now that I think about it. Guess that's why I want to be your friend."
Tifa blinks at him, mouth open. "Wh-what?"
"You've asked me why I care." His gaze meets hers again. "I… feel the need to help, I guess. That pretty much sums it up."
This silence is warm, comfortable as some understanding stretches between them.
"I'm sorry."
Cloud's eyes soften at her tone. "For what?"
"Being bitchy at school. And when you first got here tonight. You startled me."
Cloud shakes his head. "No, it's okay. This is… somewhere safe for you, right?" When she nods, he adds, "And now I won't leave…"
A soft laugh escapes her lips and Tifa allows herself to smile this time. "It's okay. You seem alright. It's just that… I have a hard time trusting people. But you're so genuine. So you can stay… over there, okay?"
"Yeah. Okay. Whatever makes you comfortable."
Tifa rests her chin on her knees again, drawing circles on the platform. "At school I push you away because I don't want people to have even more reason to talk about you. I know you know by now but…" She bites her lip, pain staining her features for a moment before she erases it. "People talk about me. And I just don't want them to talk about you because of me. I figure you get enough crap as is, being new and with your record."
The words tumble out of his mouth before he can stop them. "I don't give a shit about that."
Her eyes dart up to meet his. "Cloud, it's better—"
"No."
The thought of Tifa feeling so isolated by her peers that she purposefully cuts herself off from any semblance of friendship for the sake of others…
It infuriates him. He's not going to let these assholes beat her down anymore.
Cloud clenches his fist to keep his frustration out of his voice. "Don't worry about me. About trying to protect me, okay? I don't give a shit what they say about me… or about you."
Tifa's eyes shine in the moonlight. He thinks she's going to keep protesting, but her face shows so many emotions before she can answer - fear, not of him, but perhaps of the others, of what they'll say or do if they see them together at school; sadness, a deep melancholy that makes his heart ache; but finally, something he hasn't seen on her face before:
Hope.
Cloud doesn't dare breathe. Time stops, letting him sear that look on her face into his mind. When he takes his next breath, every Tears surface again, but she wipes her face before they can fall.
"Thank you."
Cloud lets go of the breath he'd been holding, though the knife twists in his heart. The thought of wanting to see that in her eyes all the time, of wanting to be the reason she has hope for the future simmers in his brain. He holds on to the way it feels, a silent vow to be that for her no matter what.
"No problem. If you don't want to be friends cause you think I'm a dick, that's okay. I get it." Tifa giggles and he smiles. "I'll still tutor you. But I don't want what other kids might say about me to be the reason. I don't care."
Tifa nods. "Okay."
Silence settles between them once more and Cloud relaxes. He appreciates her looking out for him, but he doesn't want that. He never did. Now knowing who she is, he can't stand the thought of being distant anymore. He wants to get to know her again.
"On Monday, when I come back, can you…" She fiddles with her sleeves. "Do you want to eat lunch with me?"
"Yeah, Tifa. Sure."
"Okay. I eat near the parking lot, away from everyone."
"That's fine."
"And… could you not… Please don't tell anyone about the scars," she whispers.
The pain in her voice makes the crack in his heart expand. Of course he wouldn't tell, he'd never do that… but it's not about him. Just like with her panic attack, she expects him to gossip because that's all she's experienced from the other students.
He'll be damned if he doesn't change that expectation.
"I won't, Tifa. I swear. And if you ever want to talk, you can with me."
She glances at him, then focuses on the sky again. "Thank you, Cloud."
They stay out there for a few more hours, only exchanging words every once in a while, but for Cloud, it's enough to just be with her.
When Tifa returns to school, things already feel different. People still stare and point; whispers about her sudden absence float to her over the noise, but they don't sting as much as they did last week. Perhaps it was the two extra sessions she had with Lucrecia - trying to internalize the things she's learning in therapy has been a lot of work the past few days, but there's a new resolve that flickers deep in her spirit. Between Lucrecia, then Vincent and Cloud standing up for her, and Cloud's encouragement at the water tower, Tifa finds herself actually wondering what the future will bring instead of dreading it. Friends, real friends, could be a possibility now. Her heart skips a beat just thinking about it. The determination to push past her insecurities grew stronger over the weekend. When she woke up this morning, the first thing she felt wasn't fear.
It was an optimism she hasn't experienced in a long time. Tifa wants nothing more than to cultivate that feeling and nourish it - to return to the days where she smiled and laughed and looked to the horizon. It's been years since she's been truly happy; that feeling died with her mother. But maybe one day she can discover what that's like again.
She'll never get there if she gives up.
Tifa pulls on her resolve, using it as a shield to block out the people talking about her as she approaches her locker. When she's done, she closes the metal door with ease and takes a deep breath. The walk to science class isn't long and the sight of Mr. Hojo standing at the front of the room, while still stomach churning, isn't as nauseating as it had been last week. He scowls while Tifa finds her seat, doing her best to ignore the look he gives her. He hates when people miss his class.
Yuffie trots into the room not a minute later, settling in her own chair behind Tifa.
"Morning!"
She's all smiles again; the bitterness from their disagreement last week is no longer there. Tifa wonders what made Yuffie change - or perhaps the girl doesn't hold on to things the way Tifa does.
"Hi, Yuffie."
Tifa glances at the clock. There's a minute left before class starts. Even if Yuffie isn't holding a grudge against her, she wants to clear the air.
"Listen, about last week…"
Yuffie shakes her head. "I have a problem with getting too excited. Sorry about that."
Tifa starts. "Well, it's not just that—"
"And I said that thing about you and swim team, and I can totally see how you took it the wrong way. I really should choose my words better."
"Yuffie—"
"So, I hope we can start over?"
The way Yuffie speaks is dizzying. Tifa blinks to clear her head and replay the conversation, smiling back at Yuffie when she finally comprehends everything.
"Yes. Let's start over."
Yuffie's grin takes over half her face as she pulls her books out. Tifa faces the front as the bell rings, biting the inside of her cheek to keep her face from mirroring Yuffie's. When Rufus enters the room, however, her smile flips along with her stomach.
He locks eyes with her immediately, watching her until he finds his seat. Hojo doesn't say anything about Rufus being late, but he'd never dare. No one would. Instead, he snaps on a student for nodding off while Rufus continues to stare at Tifa.
Even once she finally rips her gaze away from Rufus, a shiver runs through her that threatens the low flame of her determination burning within. She has to focus on something else, anything else - Hojo flips to the next slide and Tifa picks up her pen. The challenge of keeping up with Hojo proves a worthy distraction. Halfway through class, she glances in Rufus's direction and he isn't paying her any attention. Her shoulders relax, her hands scanning over the pages a little faster as her focus clears.
When the bell releases them, Yuffie taps the back of her chair. Tifa looks at her out of the corner of her eye while she puts her things away.
"You wanna hang out this weekend? I don't have to work on Saturday." When Tifa hesitates, Yuffie fumbles. "If I'm jumping the gun, just let me know!"
"No, no, it's okay." Tifa stands up with her backpack and Yuffie gets up with her. "I just need to think about it. And make sure I'm not babysitting."
"Of course. Can I get your number?"
"Sure."
They stop in the hallway and take out their phones, but Tifa pauses when Rufus steps out and hones in on her again. Alarm bells ring in her ears, drowning out all other sounds just long enough to make her breath catch and hands shake. She tears her eyes away from Rufus long enough to focus on Yuffie.
"I just gotta text my dad first," Yuffie's saying.
"Hey, I'm sorry, I actually need to be at my next class early. Can you get it from Vincent?"
Yuffie looks up with wide eyes. "Oh. Yeah."
Tifa apologizes again before turning on her heel. When she slams into the door for the stairwell, she nearly knocks another student on his ass, but she can't hear his protests over her thundering heart.
Go away go away go away.
Rufus could have his pick of girls at this school, hell, probably women in this town; she'll never understand why he wants her. And why he won't take no for an answer.
Rufus Shinra gets what he wants.
Tifa shakes her head. She will not give him what he wants this time. She won't just give anyone anything of herself anymore.
The flame quivers, glowing a little brighter.
Shera's classroom is in sight now. She takes a deep breath. Everything is fine.
Down the hall, Cloud dances around a girl Tifa recognizes from gym class. Something about the sight makes her want to laugh - the way his shoulders hunch and his cheeks turns red…
Is this tough guy nervous with girls?
The scene is almost enough to make her forget about Rufus and his stupid, smug grin. The corner of her mouth tugs upward—
Until Cloud spots her, and she stops in her tracks.
He pauses too, only a few feet down the hall, a soft look in his eyes and the hint of a smile. Tifa isn't sure what it is, but she always feels like he's looking right through her. Not because she's invisible; rather, it's like all of her secrets are laid out for him to sort through. When he looks at her like this, part of her wants to turn tail and flee - the idea of someone knowing her most intimate thoughts and experiences haunts her, because they could turn those things against her.
However, it's almost… a relief. A relief that someone wants to look through the bullshit and not only see her, but accept her. All her trauma, all her scars - Cloud got a glimpse of that this weekend and it only made him more determined to stick by her side. He didn't gawk or seem repulsed, though she didn't miss the sadness in his eyes when he recognized her at the top of the ladder. As much as she hates when others pity her, she'll take that over their revulsion.
Cloud raises his hand to wave, but his gaze shifts past her and his eyes narrow. Tifa goes rigid as she remembers why she'd rushed to her math class. She'd been hoping he hadn't followed her up the stairs, refusing to look back in case she saw him and froze. The very idea of Rufus being right behind her makes the alarm bells sound again, but her body doesn't heed the warning; her feet stick to the ground. Her throat closes up. The lights in the hallway are too bright—
"Tifa. Hey."
She was expecting a different voice, but this one comforts her. Cloud leans against the lockers right in front of her, arms crossed, giving her his undivided attention. Tifa licks her lips to dampen the sandpaper in her mouth. That doesn't do much.
"So, I'm tutoring you this afternoon, right?"
He glances up again, then back down to her with earnest. Tifa nods.
A deep hmph cuts through the noise in the hallway as a tall blonde strolls past them. Tifa stares after Rufus just long enough for him to disappear amongst the other students; her focus goes back to Cloud, who's searching her face with worry.
"You okay? Was he messing with you?"
Now that the imminent threat of Rufus is gone, Tifa realizes how close Cloud is so she can hear him over the others. How'd she miss how blue his eyes are? Even during tutoring sessions, Tifa never really noticed - she spent more time looking at her notes than making eye contact. Or maybe it's the way they've darkened with simmering anger.
Something about Cloud being angry on her behalf makes her face grow warm.
"Tifa?"
"Yes?" She blinks. What was he asking her again?
The bell chimes. Cloud curses, reaching for her hand. "C'mon."
Tifa doesn't flinch when his fingers curl around hers - she short circuits. She'd be stuck again if he wasn't tugging her along. She didn't expect him to get so familiar so quickly. Between her near panic with Rufus, Yuffie turning the other cheek, and now this, Tifa isn't sure she can handle whatever the rest of the day has in store for her.
Cloud holds the door to Shera's classroom open and they both slip inside before the bell stops ringing. Shera says nothing, but her raised brow makes Tifa remember her hand. She pulls away from his hold, shuffling past him to her seat as other students get settled. Some glance their way as Shera starts her lesson. Tifa all but collapses into her desk, once again silently thanking Shera for putting her in the back and away from everyone's stares.
Everyone's but Cloud's.
He busies himself with his things, but after a few minutes, Tifa realizes he's not taking notes. When she looks up, she catches him gazing at her out of the corner of his eye. Cloud starts, his desk shifting as he goes rigid. The noise makes Shera pause in her lecture to glare at him. Tifa lifts her hand to her mouth to keep in a snort - Shera rarely glares at anyone but her husband, so to see it in class, directed at Cloud no less, it reminds Tifa of just how similar Cloud and Cid are.
She makes a mental note to never say that out loud to either of them. Something tells her they'd hate it.
"Hey."
Cloud tilts in her direction, eyes still forward. Tifa glances at Shera to make sure she's not paying them any close attention before leaning toward him.
"Yeah?"
"Sorry about earlier."
Tifa turns to him. "What?"
Cloud won't meet her gaze; he focuses on his blank notes, then Shera, before looking at the floor by her feet. "I shouldn't have grabbed your hand. I was just thinking about getting to class."
Finally, his eyes meet hers. There's no more anger. The green around his pupils reminds her of the way the stars twinkled that night at the water tower. It makes her relax, some weight of today rolling off of her shoulders.
"Sorry about that."
"It's okay." He watches her for a moment with a brow raised and Tifa sighs. "Really. And thank you."
The green flecks dance for only a second - the anger rises, then recedes. "If he messes with you again, I'm kicking his ass."
Tifa bites the inside of her cheek to stifle a laugh, her lips curling into a small smile. His bluntness is so refreshing it catches her off guard. It seems ridiculous, but it's so unlike the people here. Everyone plays their cards close to their chests, tightly guarding their secrets - everyone has an ulterior motive.
But not Cloud. Tifa isn't sure if that's just him or if most people from big cities are like that, but she's grateful for it all the same.
"Please don't do that."
He harrumphs, but the corner of his mouth lifts. Tifa finds herself appreciating his smiles.
They don't speak anymore for the rest of class, but Tifa glances his way every now and again. Cloud pays closer attention to the lecture, actually taking notes now, and she sneaks a peek. They're pretty neat from what she remembers during tutoring, though he doodles in the margins and cram them up when he's bored. She recalls when he drew her tattoo last week - at least she thought it was her tattoo - and her fingers glide underneath her hair to rest on the mark. When Cloud steals a look at her again, the heat rises in her face. She shifts in her seat, facing the courtyard.
That's another difference she appreciates - the way he watches her isn't with disdain. He's not looking for the moment she slips up the way so many other students do, like a den of wolves ready to pounce. There's concern in his eyes when they meet hers. It was there before when, but after spending that evening with him at the water tower, it's only gotten stronger. Tifa wonders for a moment if he pities her - if seeing her scars made him even more cautious of how he deals with her.
No. As much as she prefers that to the alternative, Tifa doesn't want that. She doesn't want someone to be her friend out of pity. Perhaps she'll bring it up at lunch.
When the bell rings, Tifa goes to close her notebook, but stares at the blank pages. She didn't take a single note during this period. She's never going to pass at this rate.
Cloud's already standing with his backpack. Most of the students file out of the room, but some linger to watch the two of them. Cloud flowers in their general direction, and they flee.
Tifa raises a brow. "Are you my guard dog now?"
He scoffs, amusement etched into his features. Shera clears her throat, drawing them to the front of the room.
"I'm so glad you two are getting along better. Tifa, if you need any help catching up from last week, please let me know."
Tifa shrugs her bag over her shoulder. "Thanks, Shera. I will."
Shera sends them off with a wave. "Now get going before you're late to your next class!"
Cloud doesn't say much during their walk to gym class, but his presence is comforting enough. It's staggering how much less daunting these halls are when she doesn't have to roam them alone, when there's someone by her side.
Especially when Cloud snarls at anyone who stares at her for too long.
Ironic, his name. He's not a dark haze; maybe a little wild sometimes, like a storm, but for her he's more of a gentle breeze. One that pushes the clouds away and makes her day more sunny and bearable. She's the gloomy one.
What an odd pair they make - two lonely, strange kids, both outcasts in their own rights. Tifa crosses her arms, pushing those thoughts down. It doesn't matter what they think. She has to tell herself that until she believes it.
When they reach the gym, Cloud stops.
"Meet you in the field?"
Tifa nods. "Yeah. Sounds good."
His tiny smily doesn't go unnoticed. Tifa carries that with her into the girls' locker room - she knows she'll need it.
As soon as the door slams shut behind her, her flame flickers. A crack runs down the side of her shield. Tifa shores up her defenses and keeps her eyes forward. She won't look down anymore. Even if she has to chew on her tongue so her brain is occupied while she passes Priscilla's row, so their giggles don't invade her mind, she won't let them break her again.
Tifa rounds the corner and has to fight to not sprint the short distance to her own locker. As her row filters out and the sounds of slamming doors and zipping bags gets duller, she rips her clothes out of her backpack and gets dressed. It's not until only the echo of the heavy gym door ripples through the room that Tifa breathes. She stuffs her things into her locker, double checks it's secure, then makes her way to the exit.
The student body president and her groupies are waiting for her.
"Are you alright, Tifa?"
Priscilla's voice is unnaturally high; the grin on her face reminds Tifa of a clown. Tifa steels her nerve, looking past Priscilla and focusing on a dot on the wall.
"I'm fine. Just sick." Tifa takes a step forward, but Priscilla throws her arm out and blocks the way. Her posse laughs.
"You were out for so long after just coming back, I was getting worried."
Tifa turns her glare onto Priscilla, whose smile wavers under its intensity. Tifa's fire burns brighter.
"What do you want?"
Priscilla repairs her grin with ease. "I'm just checking on a teammate. Oh," she rolls her eyes, tittering, "ex-teammate. Such a shame you didn't perform well enough for Corneo to let you back in."
For a moment, Tifa feels weightless, like she's missed a step but hasn't hit the ground yet. The anticipation of falling shoots through her body and the urge to flee becomes damn near overwhelming, but she forces it down. Not again. Priscilla won't win this time.
"Get out of my way."
Her voice shakes. Priscilla catches it, always looking for any sign of weakness.
"I heard you were hanging out with Cloud and Vincent this weekend. Are you fucking them both now? You sure move fast. I mean, wasn't Vincent enough?"
The walls are much closer now than they were half a minute ago. The compression creates a vacuum and it becomes harder to breathe. Priscilla keeps going.
"Cloud's only been here for a month, right? You just came back last week. I hope you could pick up some extra Plan B-"
The flame explodes under the pressure.
Before she has time to comprehend what she's doing, Tifa grabs Priscilla by her forearms and shoves her against the wall. The giggles cease. The shock on Priscilla's face would make her laugh if it didn't mirror her own, but Tifa keeps that within. The mask she puts up for now is one she wants Priscilla to remember —
Rage.
"You have no idea what you're talking about."
Her eyes sting, but she focuses on her anger to keep them at bay. God, she hopes she doesn't get into trouble for this; she hates being anywhere near Heidegger's office. But this has to end.
"If you didn't care so much about being on top, you'd see—" Tifa stumbles on the name as bile rises in her throat. She swallows it down. "You'd see the coach for what he is."
Priscilla trembles under Tifa's fingers. She lets the president go.
"Just leave me the fuck alone."
Tifa doesn't waste another second in the locker room with them. When the door thuds closed behind her, she slumps against the wall with her face in her hands. She has to collect herself before the other girls recover - their echoing trills to make sure Priscilla is okay cut through the door. Tifa counts; deep breaths even out her ragged panting after more than a dozen heartbeats. But it'll have to do for now. She can hide her shaking hands under crossed arms.
Her class is closest to the girl's locker room, making this a short walk. The first thing she sees is Cloud sitting in his row on the bleachers; the students are lining up for roll call. His brow furrows, his gaze trailing behind her as the other girls finally emerge from the locker room. Tifa finds her seat without a word and once everyone settles, O'Connor calls names. Cloud is by her side as soon as attendance is over and the students disperse.
"Tifa?"
Tifa can't trust her voice to answer the questions that lie under her name, so she just nods as they head outside. She's glad she held it together with Priscilla, but her mask is crumbling away. The sun is too bright; her head throbs and she digs her fingers into her sides.
Someone calls her name. A light pressure on her shoulder draws her out of her mask with reassuring promise - you can come out, you're okay. When Tifa looks up, Cloud is still there; his fingers flex over her t-shirt, his eyes soft like the night sky, waiting for her answer. Tifa searches the rest of his face, frowning at how tight his jaw is.
Tifa closes her eyes and inhales, counts to three, then exhales.
"I'm okay."
She steps from under Cloud's hand. He drops his arm to his side.
"I keep doing that, huh?" He scratches the back of his head and pink colors his cheeks. "Sorry…"
"It helps," she murmurs. The surprise on his face makes her flush, and she wants to smack it off. Tifa pouts, crossing her arms as she adds, "Don't make a habit of it, alright?"
That fucking smirk - he catches the teasing lilt to her voice, something she hasn't heard out of her own mouth in a while. He has no right to bring it out so easily. Tifa wants to be annoyed about it, maybe even a little alarmed, but she can't bring herself to be.
It feels too good.
"Yes ma'am."
Tifa's first reaction is to stare at him, dumbfounded at how simple he makes everything seem. One minute she's on the verge of panic, and the next, she and Cloud are exchanging playful banter.
This day is way too good to be true. The thought crawls up her spine as Vincent joins them on the field with a baseball and mitts, and her smile fades. The other shoe is going to drop, it has to. Nothing this nice can last.
Vincent throws one mitt to Cloud, pulling the other over his own hand. "Stick around?" He asks Tifa.
"Yeah."
The smallest grin forms on Vincent's lips as Cloud walks a few feet away. The boys settle into a rhythm after a few minutes. Other kids race each other across the field; some play with a football, others jog together in groups. Tifa stretches her palms, balling her hands in and out of fists to shake the dread that built up a few minutes ago. This isn't nice - this is normal. She's missed normal.
She fucking deserves normal.
"I know you're just going to say you're fine."
Vincent's deep rasp anchors her. She gives him her attention so he'll continue.
"And I know you're probably tired of people asking you this. But…" He glances down at her before tossing the ball. "You sure you're okay? Coming back and everything…"
Tifa chews on her lip as she contemplates his question. Vincent knows everything isn't okay - he knows more than anyone else at this school does, which is enough to realize how difficult returning must be. This week won't end up like last, however. She's determined to stick it out. She just has to take it one day at a time. Tifa's aware that everyday won't be like today, which has been mostly good. She fidgets as a small group of girls gather to watch Cloud throw - if they're looking at him, they're watching her too. She has a lot of work to do so she can truly find any sense of peace or normalcy again, and everything doesn't make her so damn nervous.
But this feeling she has right now being with two people she dares to consider friends, it's addicting. Tifa wants to feel this kind of security and belonging more than anything, to bury it deep in her soul so no one can steal it away from her again.
"I'm trying, Vince." The words feel good on her tongue because they're true. "I'm trying so things can be okay."
"That's all you can do, Tifa. And just so you know… that's enough."
Tifa blinks at him, but he refuses to look at her now. She's not sure she can trust her own ears - Vincent's voice doesn't quiver. Nothing shakes him. He's so matter of fact, so objective, that his emotions never get the better of him. So hearing him let go just enough that she catches it touches her heart in a way she can't comprehend.
Tifa told Lucrecia that she was afraid of finding out what Vincent really thought of her. Now she has an idea, and it brings her both calm and sadness; calm because knowing that he cares, that he considers her more than some makeout buddy (or worse) is soothing beyond measure, but sadness because she can now see that losing her would have affected him more than she thought.
Tifa brushes her hands down her shorts to get rid of the clamminess invading her palms. "Thank you," she says once her mouth cooperates, though it's too quiet for him to hear. When she spots the growing smile on his face, however, she knows he caught her words.
They don't speak again for a while, but being next to him is enough. The girls are paying close attention to Cloud, including the one from the hallway earlier, but he doesn't seem to notice. He was like this last week too; there's an aura that surrounds him when he throws, one nothing can penetrate - it's just him, the ball, and his opponent. There's precision to his movements, and while Vincent is a decent pitcher, it's a grace that Tifa's only seen in Rufus before. Cloud must have pitched for a long time, maybe even as long as their star. It reminds her of the calm that used to wash over her when she was in the water. Every stroke second-nature, like breathing.
Could she ever return to that?
"You seem different today," Vincent notes. Tifa hums in response and he raises a brow. "I saw you coming out of the locker room pretty late. Priscilla was right behind you."
Vincent tilts his head to their left and Tifa spots the student body president across the field, leaning against the gate and surrounded by her loyal subjects. She's yelling about something, but they're too far away for her to make out any of the words. Even from over here, though, the demure looks on her posse's faces are palpable as they fail to placate Priscilla.
"Something happen?"
Tifa stares for a few more seconds before turning her attention back to Cloud. The flame remains quiet for now - she's not sure if Priscilla will keep her distance for the rest of the year or only for a day. What she knows is how full she is from the satisfaction that coils in her gut.
"I told her to fuck off. I think it'll stick this time."
A small huff escapes Vincent. "Welcome back."
They spend the rest of gym in idle chatter and her mood lifts with each passing minute. Lucrecia was right - this isn't easy and Tifa never expected it to be. But damn if normal isn't underrated.
It's thrilling. It's… terrifying.
Tifa frowns at her sudden, warring emotions as she yanks her gym shirt over her head. Her body moves on autopilot as she recedes into her racing thoughts. Why is the prospect of getting closer to Vincent, of making friends with Cloud and Yuffie, so exhilarating and scary?
Just like that, the high shrinks. Maybe she's getting too comfortable too fast. She doesn't want to wake up to discover that she's actually drowning instead of floating.
No. Don't let the other shoe drop.
Her stomach churns, twisting itself into knots and suppressing her appetite as she leaves the locker room. The frightened part of her rises, begging her to flee - she doesn't have to eat lunch with Cloud. It's better to be alone than risk the hurt and disappointment of him betraying her one day.
In the breezeway, Vincent and Cloud chat. They haven't spotted her yet. Her legs feel like lead, but there's still time before they notice her—
She locks eyes with Cloud first. A smile curves his lips and he waves her over. Tifa clutches her bag as the lead dissolves, but it still takes several breaths for her to move. Vincent turns to her with that same content look from before. Neither of them have huge grins that take over their faces like Yuffie does, but the rush she gets from them being happy to see her makes her heart ache.
Tifa smiles back. It's worth it, she decides.
"Hey," Cloud greets once she joins them.
"Sorry."
She glances between them, tucking a loose strand behind her ear. Embarrassment powders her cheeks red. She has no reason to doubt them.
"Girls take longer to change, you know."
Cloud nods. "We were wondering if you got lost in there."
"Perhaps she was asserting her dominance over Priscilla again," Vincent says, deadpan.
Tifa can't stop the snort this time, biting her lip to keep from laughing any further. Cloud chuckles.
"It's hard to tell when you're joking sometimes, Vince."
Vincent shrugs. "I've got errands to run. Enjoy lunch. I'll see you in Literature, yeah?"
Tifa's smile brightens. "Yeah. See you later."
"Again?" Cloud asks once they're alone.
Tifa opens her mouth to answer, but pauses when she notices several students staring at them. Her fingers twitch against the strap of her bag. "I'll tell you when we sit down."
Cloud follows her around the gym to the parking lot. A pair of benches nestle against a gate; Tifa plops down on the one furthest from the lot. As she closes her eyes, the bench creaks under Cloud's added weight, but he says nothing. Once she's done grounding herself in the calming smell of the grass and the relative quiet around them, Tifa opens her eyes with a long sigh. Cloud watches her intently, but coughs into his hand when she catches him. Her cheeks grow hot. They both rummage around for their lunches.
"What do you have?" He asks, voice raising on the last word.
Tifa runs her palms up and down her lap to keep her lunchbox from slipping through her clammy fingers. The audacity of him to be jittery while making her nervous! She fishes for the contents of her bag, needing the distraction.
"A sandwich, some chips, and…" Tifa digs a little further. "Oh! Looks like Barret packed an apple too."
"That's cool." His voice has returned to its normal tone, which helps her relax. Cloud pulls out a container.
"What that?"
"Leftovers. Shera made meatloaf the other night."
Tifa hums, taking a delicate bite out of her sandwich. "That sounds delicious."
"Yeah. She's a good cook." Cloud stabs at the very solid loaf. "You really should stay for dinner sometime."
The heat returns to her face and she takes a bigger bite out of her sandwich. Shera and Cid have invited her to stay for dinner so many times, but Cloud asks and her heart pounds? What the hell is that about?
"You uhm…" She remains facing forward, unable to meet his gaze. "You didn't want to heat that up first?"
Cloud falters. "Oh. I guess I didn't think about that."
The answer threatens to pull more snorting out of her, so Tifa occupies herself with her bag of chips. She can hear the confusion throughout his words and she knows if she looks at his face, she'll be done for.
"Y-yeah. There's a microwave in the cafeteria."
"How'd I never see that before…?" Cloud finally wrestles a corner of meatloaf out of the container, but there's a beat before he raises his fork to his lips. "You laughing at me?"
"Mm-mm!" Tifa shakes her head, stuffing her mouth with chips.
"Right."
They enjoy the silence for a little while, the only sounds being their chewing and the distant ruckus of their peers. The courage to face him returns.
"So, you pitch?"
Cloud swallows before answering. "Yeah. I started when I was… twelve, I think."
He takes another bite and Tifa wonders if he doesn't mind it cold.
"Mom thought putting me in summer camp would keep me out of trouble."
"Did it?"
Cloud leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he eats. "It helped, yeah. I liked it, so I focused a lot more time on practicing instead of picking fights."
"That's good."
His brow pinches, the corners of his mouth sinking. She saw that look this weekend at the water tower - he's wrestling with something. She doesn't have to wait long to find out.
His voice is quiet and slow as he asks, "What about you. And… swimming?"
Tifa bites down hard on her sandwich and winces at the pain the radiates through her jaw. Cloud sits up straight, opening his mouth to apologize. Tifa waves her hand, stopping him.
"I started swimming when I was really young. Maybe five or six."
This silence isn't as pleasant. She doesn't meet his eyes and from her periphery, Tifa can tell Cloud can't look at her either. In all honesty, however, Tifa is shocked at herself for answering, for allowing them to broach the subject even that tiny bit. She can't offer any more than that, and she's grateful Cloud doesn't ask.
"Thanks."
She isn't sure why he's thanking her, not a first. A glance reveals the small smile threatening to breach his lips. Perhaps he realizes how hard it was for her to talk about it, and in that moment, Tifa realizes she's comfortable with Cloud. He doesn't scare her or make the alarms in her head go off. He's tried hard to connect with her, and even though she hasn't always shown it, Tifa appreciates that more than she can express. Maybe her behavior tells him enough - letting him stay with her in her safe place, inviting him to her quiet lunch spot. She's cracking the door open to let him in, and he's thanking her for trusting him with so much. She should be the one thanking him, but Cloud changes the subject before she can.
"I was serious about my tutoring offer earlier."
Tifa exhales. "Yeah… Math went over my head today."
"Okay. If you have time, I can tutor you every day this week to get you caught up."
Tifa nearly chokes on her chips. "No, Cloud, that's too much. I'm sure you have better things to do."
He shrugs - his way of showing indifference, she's noticed. "I really don't. All I do after school most days is work on an old car and play guitar." He frowns. "I should get more hobbies…"
"You play guitar?"
Cloud runs a hand through his hair before putting his tupperware away. "Been playing that for a long time, too."
The last bit of her sandwich gone, Tifa stuffs her container into her bag as well. Cloud shares so many similarities with Fenny it's almost scary. Maybe that's why she's so comfortable with him…
Tifa pushes that thought away before it leads down a rabbit hole that will surely make her emotional - lots of guys play baseball and guitar. She misses her friend, but she knows that she shouldn't compare them and try to imagine Cloud as someone he's not. It wouldn't be fair to him and their friendship. She files the fact away for later.
"If it's really not too much trouble…"
Cloud huffs to hold in a more exasperated sigh. "It's not or I wouldn't offer, Tifa."
"Right." Tifa tangles her hand through her hair, shifting most of it over her shoulder to hide her face. His kindness is overwhelming, and she's grateful for it, but it's going to take some getting used to.
She looks forward to the change.
Tifa looks around to distract herself and forget about the stupid grin that wants to eat her face. Her eyes settle on a group emerging from one of the gym's side doors: Coach Corneo, Priscilla, and another girl from the swim team.
Everything she'd tried to let go of slams into her like a ton of bricks.
Something claws up her from her stomach to clutch her heart and squeeze. Tifa leans over and gasps, dropping her chips, her arms snaking around her middle.
"Tifa?"
Cloud's voice is far away and garbled like she's underwater. Everything blurs and becomes out of focus except for them. They're too close. He's too close, too close, and Tifa realizes with a sickening horror that they're getting closer.
Her next breath is a loud rasp - they're going to hear her - and rattles in her chest. The ache in her heart spreads, crawling up her throat and escaping her lips as a whimper. Her fingers tremble as they slide under her sleeve and dig into the skin of her other arm, but the pain doesn't bring her down. The world around her expands until she's dizzy, then constricts so much she thinks she's going to explode from the pressure.
Her surroundings change - she's moving, though Tifa doesn't recall getting up. The little group gets farther away. She turns her head inch by inch, and before she knows it, she's up against a wall. All she can see in front of her are piercing blue eyes.
Eyes like the night sky.
Cloud's mouth is moving, but the words make little sense. It's not until he's pulled her down and pushed her head between her knees that sounds flood back in like normal.
"You gotta breathe, Tifa."
Tifa blinks and follows his instructions, wrapping her arms around her legs and pressing her forehead against her knees. She inhales slowly, then coughs. The shaking gets worse. She can't get in control - she needs something, anything to bring her down, but there's nothing she can use to open her skin and make her plummet back to earth. Her mind wanders to the parking lot—
Gross, harsh panting above her, pain throbbing through numb limbs. His grip is too tight, fat fingers pinning her down, so grotesque, but she's frozen. She can't move, can't breathe, can't—
"Tifa. Breathe. It's okay."
Light pressure on her back moves up and down in a soothing rhythm. The urge to sync her breathing with the sensation takes over. One breath, then another. Something folds around one of her hands. When Tifa glances over her knee, she sees Cloud's fingers intertwining with hers. She focuses on that. He has callouses, probably from guitar and baseball, but his embrace is warm. He squeezes when he notices she's staring at their hands, and Tifa hiccups before inhaling to steady herself. He's wearing his brace today, and dangling from his wrist is a bracelet that seems familiar, like something she's seen in a store before.
"Tifa?"
She looks up. Cloud's face is marred with fear, his jaw clenched so tight she's surprised she can't hear his teeth grinding. He's holding something back, but it's a detail that immediately flies to the back of her mind.
Tifa gulps, exhales, inhales, then squeezes his hand back. "Th-thank you."
Tifa lets go first. Cloud follows her head. She rests her forehead between her knees again, unable to maintain eye contact. His concern both excites and terrifies her. He barely knows her, but he's so willing to help all the time.
"Some people want to help those they see themselves in."
Lucrecia told her that last week. Cloud has said more than once that he understands her. When Tifa glances up again, Cloud is still watching for any further signs of distress.
"I'm okay now." Tifa leans back against the wall and closes her eyes. Her breathing evens out. "I'm sorry for freaking out."
Her voice comes out quieter than she means for it too, but it's safer this way - no one will hear them and discover her being a complete mess.
Tifa puts her chin on her knees and squeezes them tighter. "Sorry for scaring you."
"Don't… apologize."
His mouth is set in a firm line, the words barely escaping. Tifa straightens up and watches him. He's fiddling with his bracelet, frustrated, but not with her. At least, she doesn't think so. His eyes dart toward her and because he's so close, she notices the green flecks around his pupils and how they flash so brightly with anger. It startles her that he's so upset. Tifa again wonders why he cares this much.
Then her eyes widen when she realizes how much he's likely put together.
Priscilla's words.
Her comment about a mistake.
Her freaking out about Corneo… again.
Cloud's eyes soften. "Tifa, are you sure you're okay?"
She gulps painfully, scrambling to get up and dusting herself off. There's more to his question - Cloud wants to make sure she's okay enough to finish out the day, but underneath that, Tifa gets the sense that he wonders if she'll be able to finish out the year at this rate.
Honestly, she's still not sure.
The other shoe cracks her resolve as it slams her back to reality.
"I-I need to get my stuff. The bell for next period—"
The high pitched droning cuts her off right on time. Tifa turns on her heel and walks around to find the benches again. She's not sure where Cloud led her, but she knows the school grounds well enough to navigate back to their lunch area. Cloud isn't far behind, staying close enough to keep an eye out, but not enough to crowd her. Tifa hides her shaking hands by moving with haste, tossing her things in her bag and throwing her trash away. She can't face him, not with that pitying look in his eyes.
"Thanks again. I need to get to Literature."
"Tifa."
She yanks her backpack on and turns toward him, chancing a view of his eyes. They're not angry anymore, but sad and longing. She gnaws on her lip to keep it from quivering.
Cloud scratches the back of his head. "I… should get your number. For tutoring?"
Tifa lets out a long sigh. "Oh. Yeah." She takes his phone and quickly punches her number in before shoving it back in his hands. "I'll see you later."
The walk to Literature is long and lonely. Even though it's only been a day, Tifa had gotten used to Cloud's protective presence next to her in the halls. Combined with her frayed nerves, the glimpses she catches from the other students feel even more intrusive, causing her to speed up. The bell rings as she walks into class, and Ms. Scarlet clicks her teeth.
"Ms. Lockhart, you're almost late. Hope you weren't putting in any extra work with another teacher to make up for your absence last week."
Chills travel down Tifa's spine as a couple of students snicker at Scarlet's remark. She chews on her lip even harder, blinking away the tears, focusing on her desk to avoid Vincent's concerned stare. When she reaches into her bag to take her textbook out, her phone lights up. Scarlet turns around to being her lecture, so Tifa checks the message. It's from an unknown number.
hey. its cloud strife.
Tifa makes a mental note to save his number after class. She's about to drop it back into her backpack when another message comes through.
i hope you feel better.
Tifa lets her phone fall into her backpack before turning to the proper chapter for today's lesson. The lecture is a buzz underneath her swimming thoughts. The thought of Cloud knowing as much as he does in such a short time makes it difficult to concentrate on her textbook; she reads the same passage three times before giving up and pretending to take notes.
One thing she's wanted the most in her short life is someone she can trust, who will be there for her through all the bullshit and won't judge her. She had that once, but she ruined it.
Tifa gulps down hard, the discomfort jolting her out of the past. No point dwelling on that now. It's over and done.
Maybe she was right before. The pain of loneliness might be easier to swallow than the despair she saw reflected at her at lunch. She can't stand getting hurt, but she hates the thought of inflicting that kind of pain on someone again even more.
At this rate, she's going to slam the door shut on Cloud just as soon as she's cracked it open. But maybe it's for the better.
Her phone makes her entire bag vibrate. Her eyes dart around to make sure no one noticed before she pulls it out again. She's not listening anyway.
just know you can talk to me. ill always listen.
She reads the messages several times as if it'll change. When the words remain the same, Tifa lets out a long sigh.
She believes him. He's proven over and over again that she can.
Tifa types a message back, then turns her phone off. The last thing she wants is Scarlet catching her with her phone and having another reason to call her out in front of everyone.
thanks for everything today. ill meet you at shera's classroom after class.
She won't let anyone take the joy she felt today away from her - not even herself.
AN: Thanks always for your support and awesome words of encouragement everyone. It really gets me through each chapter and on to the next.