Mor was silent as she cut my hair, procuring scissors from somewhere. I kept my eyes closed tight so that I did not have to look at Mor nor myself in the mirror. ''All done'' Mor said cutting off the last long lock of hair. ''I may not know what happened, but I know what it is like to be touched against your will'' She said with a hand on my shoulder. I slowly opened my eyes blinking against the light, they fell on the mirror in front of me. The hair used to go to my waist was nog slightly below my shoulders as it has always been before it all happened. I looked at Mor smiling, ''thank you'' I whispered voice thick after all the crying. She nodded sympathy shining in her eyes, but no pity. ''Come on let's dress you and join the others'' Mor said, ''I- I '' I stuttered out. ''No, none of that, you need to eat something even if it is just a yoghurt'' Mor shook her hand extending her hand. As we walked back to my bedroom, I looked down, my legs were black with shadows slowly moving to caress the form of them. ''Az left them with you, they were the only things able to touch, you flinched away from Cass'' Mor offered the explanation. I nodded silently, oddly enough they were somewhat comforting, not unsettling or fear-inducing. Mor handed me a long-sleeved blue tunic and soft black leggings, turning around for me to change.
We were silent the whole way to the sitting room in which the boys had been sitting. Again fear entered me as I stood in the threshold, Mor had entered smiling faintly as she joined them. They had opened some wine bottles and were drinking already slightly buzzed by the large hand gestures Cass was making. I felt a small tug on my ankle, a tiny shadow was nudging me towards the others in the room. I stepped inside, looking through my eyelashes. ''Bri, come on sit here'' Cass shouted. I sat next to him, as Azriel sent me a small encouraging smile. ''I'm really sorry for what just happened'' I said feeling ashamed unable to look up from my lap. It went quiet for a little while.
''No need we understand,'' Rhysand said ''there is no reason to feel ashamed''. I nodded, not really believing him just yet. ''I want to train'' I whispered. ''Are you sure you're ready?'' Cassian asked. ''It doesn't matter whether I am ready or not'' I started causing them to look at me curiously. ''I can't handle sparring or anything close combat wise, but I need to do something'' I said. Nuala and Cerridwen entered with some light dishes. Cassian and Rhysand shared a look that did not go unnoticed by Azriel and me. ''The training ring is yours to use'' Rhysand said, as I stood up taking a small sandwich with me. I excused myself and left to my room, staring out over Velaris from my balcony.
After a restless night, I stood in the training ring, a wooden bow staff in hand. The sun was only just rising, and even though I knew the others would soon be here to start their own training, I just could not wait any longer. Falling into the cat stance and starting the basic drills. Front strike, thurst, parry, parry. Turn around, block left and right, strick to the ribs. It was a dance, a dance of death yet I enjoyed it so much. It was strange to once again have a weapon in my hand, even though a bo staff might seem innocent, they can bring some real damage when wielded correctly. I move light-footed, twirling, striking and retreating as if fighting something of my own. That's when I felt it, a little spark, barely noticeable but it was there. I stumbled as it surprised me to feel it after so long. It wasn't strong enough for me to be able to use it, but it was there.
I recovered from my stumble, regaining my footing turning around swiping the floor as I go. Resuming the dance, striking efficiently, I am frustrated with the weakness that had started to seep into my muscles. This used to be my warm-up, to loosen the muscles yet practising precision, honing the strength that used to be there. After two more runs through my usual drill, I had to stop to catch my breath.
Slow clapping sounded in the corners as Cassian stood from his spot. He had watched me as he had a few times during the war, and next to him stood Rhysand, Mor and Azriel. Cassian rushed forward as my knees gave in to the exhaustion, just like it did after most battles. I flinched away from his hands, but he seemed so enthusiastic. ''I knew it'' He called out with a big smile. I smiled at him tiredly. ''If that was anything to go by you truly are a magnificent fighter'' Azriel said smiling some awe faintly in his eyes. Mor looked shocked at his comment, ''Rhys did I just hear that right, Az gave a compliment'' she asked her cousin. Rhysand just nodded looking somewhat shocked himself though there was still a profound sadness in his eyes. ''Azriel come on our turn to show Bri what we're made of'' Cassian said turning to his friends.
As they stepped into one of the rings, both holding swords blunt for practice yet getting hit would still cause damage, especially with their strength. As the fight started, they circled each other waiting for the other to make the first move. ''We will need to talk later'' Rhysand said, ''about the others like you''. I knew it was coming so I just nodded at him. Resuming to watch the fight, as Cassian went to strike Azriel only to be blocked and pushed back. Back and forth, on and on, as they parried and blocked. In the end, Cassian won, though I doubt that in an all-out fight in which Azriel could use the shadows, that one of them would end up on top. Mor and Rhysand took the ring next as Azriel left to do his job as spymaster and Cassian plopped down next to me. ''what of you magic'' he asked taking a drink of water. ''I was dosed with faebane for so long, it has yet to return to me if it even will'' I lied. Yes, I felt a spark, but if that was all that would return then, I would not be able to use it in a fight.
It was approaching noon when Rhysands face fell. ''She's'' he muttered. He dropped the sword that he was holding, as Mor came to a standstill as well. ''Go, go to her'' Mor said with understanding in her eyes, ''I will meet you at the mountain palace, bring her home''. Rhysands outfit changed, and he flew up outside of the wards range so that he could winnow. ''He's getting Feyre from the spring court'' Cassian explained seeing my confusion. The mortal made fae, the girl who had saved them all Under the Mountain. As the realisation dawned on me, the bargain Rhysand hadn't called it in, not for the past three months, until now.
The next week Rhysand and Mor spent at the mountain palace, whilst Cassian and Azriel worked on their respective tasks, I had the time to gain more and more strength back. I slowly but surely became comfortable with the weapons in my hands as my muscles started to remember the movements.