Author's note: Still rolling. If you're enjoying and you leave a comment just to let me know one or two of your favorite scenes, that would mean a lot! Getting close to writing some more that I'm looking forward to.

The seagulls are kind of noisy, flapping about, fighting over bits of food down by the water. But it's a nice sound, too.

Ellie leans against the railing of an upper balcony of the casino ballroom. Looking out over the morning sea. The sun burns a bright yellow over the LA coast, and its light dances on the countless wave caps.

Ellie feels good this morning. Last night had been… rough. But when she'd finally gotten back to her room, she'd been able to fall asleep and had slept all the way through the night, without dreams, for once. Earlier that morning, she'd run into Clint in the hallway. They'd eaten breakfast together before he had to go off to work. Today they were having him help load up the barges in preparation for launch, which was tomorrow.

He had that… concern all over him again. He'd asked about yesterday. He'd come around to her room and she wasn't there.

"You went in without my permission?" she'd asked.

"You left it open," he said defensively.

She'd scoffed.

For some reason, maybe because she was in such a good mood, she'd told him. Not about the forest part, but about her conversation with Abby. Both of them. He'd been a bit stunned.

"That's… kind of incredible, Ellie."

She'd nodded. But she didn't have much more to say. They'd finished their meal largely in silence. It felt nice. She said her farewells, then went off to her day of having nothing to do.

And now she was here.

One of the seagulls had found a scrap of something in the sand and was picking at it. Another one came up and tried to buffet the first one away with its wings. The first one backed off, then came back and kicked at the second one with both feet. The interloper flew off. Ellie smiled.

"Hey," she hears.

She turns to see Abby. She's geared up for the day. She looks serious, but for the first time, she doesn't react when she meets Ellie's eyes. Ellie looks back over the water. "Morning."

Abby walks up and joins her on the rail. They watch the seagulls tussle for a while, until Abby breaks the silence.

"Montes calls them sky rats."

"Oh," says Ellie, "they beat rats any day of the weak."

"You get used to them."

The air is brisk, and smells salty, like the sea. Ellie likes it.

"I just left Grayson's office," says Abby.

Ellie glances at her.

"He chewed me out," says Abby.

"Why?"

"For leaving grounds after hours without authorization," she says. "And for letting you do the same."

"What?" says Ellie. "You told him?"

"No, someone else did that. But I was supposed to be keeping an eye on you."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, seriously." Abby takes her arms off the rail. "Ellie, you're kind of important to this thing."

Ellie exhales, looking over the bay. She can't really argue with that, but this leash thing is bullshit. "Am I gonna get—"

"Yes," says Abby, as if that were obvious. "He sent me to send you to him."

"Ugh."

"Oh, don't be a baby."

"I'm gonna find out who ratted on me."

Abby chuckles. "Won't have to work too hard, it was Clint."

"It was Clint?"

"He didn't rat, exactly. He just asked a couple guards if they'd seen you. The rest followed from there."

"Ugh. I am gonna kick that dummy's ass."

"Better step, Ellie," says Abby. "Grayson's a good commander, but he doesn't like to be kept waiting."

"Alright, alright." Ellie pushes off the rail. She takes a few steps toward the building, then half turns. "On a scale of one to ten, how good are we?" she asks.

Abby turns, a little surprised. She thinks. "Six."

"I was thinking five."

"Well, fuck you."

Ellie laughs. "Good enough." She turns to go.

"Ellie."

Ellie turns back. But Abby's not looking at her. She waits a few moments, almost wondering if she imagined it. Then she sees Abby's cheek twitch.

"There is one thing," Abby says. She takes a deep breath, then pushes herself up off the rail, turning around. "That knife."

Ellie's stomach turns. "What knife?"

"The one you handed me last night." Abby's less patient. They both know what she's talking about.

"What about it?" Ellie asks. She's feeling flighty all of the sudden.

Abby's jaw is tight. She's angry with Ellie. With the game she's playing. So she lays it out, in no uncertain terms. "That's the one, right?"

Ellie feels cornered again. She resists the urge to cross her arms in front of her. She looks down, and nods almost imperceptibly.

"I'd like you to toss it," says Abby. She gestures with her head toward the water. "Then we'll be good."

The words chill Ellie. She looks down at the deep blue water, far below. She finds that she's shaking her head. "I can't do that."

"You can't—" Abby's jaw muscles flex. She turns her head in exasperation. "You get why I'd ask you that, right?"

Ellie crosses her arms. She shifts her weight between her feet. She mumbles.

"What?" asks Abby loudly.

"It belonged to my mother," says Ellie.

That stops Abby. She leans back. She frowns, shaking her head, like it doesn't make sense.

Ellie stares over the railing again, at all the space between her and the water.

"I…" Abby seems to be wrapping her head around it. "I didn't know that."

Ellie's chest feels tight. She reaches into her pocket and pulls out the knife.

"Ellie, I didn't know that."

Ellie hits the switch and the blade extends.

Abby tenses. "Ellie, what…?"

Ellie stares at it. She can see her eyes in its reflection. It's got a few nicks, but the broad of the blade is smooth as new-wrought silver. She's cleaned and sharpened it a thousand times. You'd never know how soaked in blood it's been.

"Ellie," Abby says quieter, "what are you doing?"

Abruptly, Ellie walks over to the railing. There's a narrow gap between the two horizontal strips of steel at the top. She rams the blade between them, then jerks down with her whole body.

There's a loud snapping sound, and Abby flinches. A metallic clatter sounds as the broken blade of the knife tumbles to the floor of the balcony. Ellie looks at the knife handle. About a half inch of blade remains attached to it, protruding from the handle.

She puts the handle back in her pocket, then bends down and picks up the blade. She looks at it, in her palm.

"I wonder if mom ever used it," she says.

She rears back her arm, and hurls it into the air. The silver gleam catches the sun a handful of times, until it's too far away, and she can no longer see it.

The two girls stand there for a few moments, looking down at the water where it had fallen.

"Still a six?" Ellie asks.

She doesn't look, or wait for a response. She walks back into the building.

Ellie admits it, she's a bit nervous. She's been 'chastised' by Maria on many occasions, but Maria has a soft spot for Ellie, and everyone in Jackson knew it. Grayson's admonishment is foreign to her. She knocks on his door.

"Enter," she hears.

She opens the door. Grayson is sitting at his desk, looking out the window. He swivels his chair, meeting her eyes. He beckons her. She closes the door behind her.

"Don't sit," he says. He stands up, and walks casually around the desk, until he's in front of her. His hair is mostly black, but there's a lot of gray in his big eyebrows. He cocks one at her. "When I first saw you, I had a hunch you could be sneaky."

Not sure what to say, Ellie nods.

He appraises her. He looks down at her hip holster. "Still nervous, even here?" he asks, gesturing to it.

Ellie looks down at her nine mil. She'd lost the magnum at the UC. She didn't really need it here… but she'd been wearing it for months and no one had taken it from her.

"I mean, not really…" she says.

"May I?" he asks.

A little uncomfortable, Ellie unholsters it and hands it to him. He inspects it. He purses his lips, impressed. "Small piece, but you keep it clean. You rebuild it regularly, I can tell." He removes the magazine. "Full mag, that's good." He returns it and checks the chamber. There's a round in it. He cocks his eye at her at that.

He hands it back to her. "You like to be ready, don't you?" he asks her.

"That's why I'm still alive, sir."

He snorts. "I suppose so. It's been just the two of you out there, for quite some time. That's a lot of vigilance."

That feels fair. Right. Ellie nods.

"That's good, Ellie. But you understand you have absolutely no use for that anymore, right?"

Ellie frowns. "I don't understand… are you going to take it from me?"

He shakes his head. "You don't understand. Ellie, you are immune. The only subject, we have ever encountered. Before or after Saint Mary's."

He puts a hand on her shoulder and widens his eyes. "And that means you are precious."

Feeling uncomfortable, Ellie looks away.

"Listen," Grayson says. He clasps his hands behind his back, considering. "Catalina is reasonably secure. We have patrols on every major vantage point around the coast. We have cleared all known infected. And what's more, you clearly know how to handle yourself. All that being said…" He leans in, and his voice deepens. "As far as our mission is concerned, your life is more valuable than mine, or anyone else here. When we set out tomorrow, you will be under the guard of over a hundred men and women, every single one of whom will have the order to protect your life to the very cost of their own. And you, are not, to take risks. Is that clear?"

Ellie swallows. She pretty much hates what he said about people protecting her with their lives, but she nods.

He stands up. "Good." Finally he turns around and resumes his seat behind the desk. His mood seems light again, all the sudden. He picks up a pen and starts twirling it. "There's probably something to be said for conflating censure and reward," he muses, "but I've got something for you." He gestures for her to sit.

She does, and he reaches into his desk and pulls something out. It's a cigar box. He places it on the desk. "When Marlene was killed, command passed to me. I was on site, and third in command, behind her and Andersen. Along with all of that, it fell to me to go through Marlene's affects. She had no next of kin to pass them to… I gave some of it back to the cause. I kept some for myself, simply because I felt someone who knew her should have them. This," he taps the lid of the box, "I'm sure was meant for you."

Ellie looks at it with strong curiosity. Marlene… she hadn't spoken to her since Boston. She missed her. She thought about her still, from time to time. She had been really fond of her, the short time she spent with her before boarding school. She was strong. Ellie had always admired her.

"That's Marlene's?" she asks.

"Well, no, actually. It was in Marlene's custody. I'm sure she intended to give it to you at some point…" He trails off. "I'm not sure when. But anyway, it's yours now." He pushes it across the desk to her.

Ellie's fingers reach for it gingerly. It's a ruddy brown, with pretty, eastern looking patterns traced around the top and sides. It's cardboard, and a bit crumpled, but it's held up.

"You should know," Grayson continues, "I only read enough to realize what it was. I never thought I'd be able to give it to you in person."

Ellie opens it, a lot excited, and a little scared. There are papers, a notebook, and a locket. It's one of those kinds that you can put a picture inside. Ellie picks it up. It's silver, wrought with little swirls around its oval shape.

"Based on who it originally belonged to," Grayson says, more softly, "I'm positive Marlene replaced the picture herself, knowing you would one day hold it. I'm not sure whose picture it originally held. They must have fallen from Marlene's favor though…"

"Who's in it now?" Ellie asks, popping it open.

"Anna," he says simply.

Ellie goes still. The locket lays open in her palm. She brings her other hand over it, fingers reaching, but not touching.

It's the first time in her life that she has seen her mother's face.

The colors have faded, but she can see the auburn hair, and the freckles. She's got this knowing smile, like the photographer is lucky to have gotten a picture of her. Even Ellie can see it, the resemblance between them.

She is so unbelievably beautiful.

There are tears in Ellie's eyes and she clutches the locket to her chest. It is instantly her most precious possession. She wonders insanely if this is some kind of reward for throwing her knife blade into the sea.

She looks at Grayson. "Thank you," she says, "thank you."

Grayson is clearly taken aback and embarrassed. "Uh," he chuckles. "You're welcome, Ellie."

She looks at it again. She knows she must protect this thing with everything she has. She closes the clasp and pulls the chain around her neck, under her hair, latching it. The locket hangs down by her heart. She looks at the box, then at Grayson, urgently.

He nods. "It's all Anna's." He gestures for her to continue.

Ellie digs into the box eagerly. The papers are letters, written to and from different people. She picks up the little book. She hesitates, then opens it to the first page.

Howard told me I needed to start one of these things, and I told him to kiss my ass. But I've had a shit day, and Howard's one of those psych guys, so here we go.

Ellie makes a loud sound, covering her mouth with her hand. She is holding her mother's journal.

Grayson kind of looks like he wants to get out at that point. He's smiling though. "Well, go on, then. It's all yours."

Ellie stands, and Grayson stands too, presumably to see her out, but instead she finds Ellie coming around the desk and hugging him. "Ah," he says, surprised.

"Thank you," she says again.

"Jesus," he chuckles. "Need nothing of it. Was always meant for you."

She lets go and looks at him, sniffing. His discomfort is pretty funny. She puts the journal in the box and picks it up, holding it carefully against her chest. She looks expectantly at Grayson.

"Dismissed," he says.

She can't get back to her room fast enough.

Suddenly time was anything but a problem. Ellie spent the rest of the day reading her mother's journal in her room, taking breaks only to go get food and bring it back, and occasionally to stand by the window for a while, thinking about life.

The journal starts a couple years before Ellie was born. The infection had already taken over the world years ago, but it hadn't managed to kill Anna. She was a tough cookie.

She lived in Boston, then, using her skills as a nurse to put food on the table for herself and a couple friends. Marlene was already a Firefly, climbing the ranks. She tried to get Anna to join several times, but Anna refused. She would tell Marlene she took the Nightingale Pledge, which is true. But the truth is Anna was worried about what would happen to her friends in Boston without her, and they were too terrified to get anywhere near the fighting.

Not that Boston was safe. It's hard for Ellie to estimate, but it sounds like there were many times more people alive in Boston at that time, but peace was tenuous. There were riots in times of hunger, which FEDRA quelled ruthlessly and bloodily. There were periods where food was so bad, people would actually starve to death. Even petty crimes could result in exile during those times, which was as good as death. Anna and her friends did okay, though, because if there was one profession that never ran out of work, it was nursing.

She got mugged more than once for food or ration cards, though. She learned to defend herself.

And the knife wasn't just a keepsake.

Anna is amazing. She writes without hesitation about every bad thing happening around her, even thing she sees happen to strangers on the street. And how it hurts, to see the world come to that, when she was one of the ones who knew what it was like before. But all that does nothing in the face of her determination. To go to work every day, helping others. To put food on the table for her friends, who weren't built to survive what the world had become. To smile, and bring the smile out of others. One night they could hear gunfire and explosions from another quarter of the city. Anna got them up off the couch and they made dinner together. They sat around the fireplace and told stories, until the fighting finally stopped. She even made them laugh.

She's exactly what Ellie always needed and never had.

If the riots and hunger weren't bad enough, the outbreaks were worse. FEDRA wasn't as keen on smuggling and perimeter patrol back then. Now and then an infected person, too scared to admit it or take their own life, would get loose in the housing blocks, and madness would ensue. Anna describes one night, they could hear infected running up and down the hall, and one was pounding on the door. It was terrifying enough, and her friend Lila wouldn't stop screaming, no matter how much her boyfriend Casey tried to comfort her. They survived, though.

At that point Ellie was feeling a little overwhelmed with all the information. She snuck up to the roof and spent a while up there, walking the perimeter. The many colored flags whipped in the ocean wind. She was starting to feel a little sorry they would leave so soon.

When she got back, she took a break from the journal and started looking through the papers. They were mostly letters, from people whose names she didn't recognize. She did see one from Marlene. Some were letters that her mother had apparently never sent. She picked up another one from a name she didn't know, and she was going to put it back down with the others, but when she read the first line, she froze.

Babe, I know you're angry. You should be. But I told you when I met you that I wasn't cut out to be no dad.

She'd been standing in front of the desk, sorting the papers into piles. She takes the letter in both hands and sits down on the bed.

Some of what I'm about to say you'd probably slap me for. I know you well enough. But since this is a letter, I guess I get to say it with impunity.

I always cared, Anna. In the beginning you would always call it an act, like I was playing you. And I've played before, but with you I always felt like the lucky one. I think you could tell, if you were being honest.

If I was your friend, or your brother, I'd have warned you off. Thief, smuggler, killer… but who isn't, these days. I never intended to stay in Boston long, and that's just one more strike against me. But you kept giving me reason, time after time.

I wish I could have gotten you out of there. Shit, if you'd have asked me I might have joined the Fireflies. I was starting to feel like that was going to happen, after Lila and Casey…

And then it happened. I'm so angry with myself. You may curse me for saying it, but getting you pregnant is one of my biggest regrets. That, and the look on your face when you told me, and you could tell how scared I was.

It's not responsible, anymore. I know, you said it a thousand times. 'Humanity's not over yet. Or why do I go to work every day?' You're right, and a lot stronger than me. But how can I take care of a kid? What kind of example am I?

The fact that I'm writing this letter is the proof in the pudding. I'm worth less than you think, whatever you say. A lot less.

And maybe I wouldn't leave if there was any doubt in my mind that you'd find someone to take care of you and the kid. Someone a lot better than me, most likely.

Shit, I'm not gonna go on about my feelings, that doesn't feel right, but just know this isn't easy. Not like the other times. Not with you. I meant what I said, how I feel about you.

The kid… I guess it's not my place… You can tell them whatever you want about me. But I guess, if I got to choose… I'd just want you to tell them that they might be the luckiest kid in the city, with the mother they got. And that, no matter what happens, when their time comes, hopefully a long, long time from now, they'll be able to look back on their life and at least know that they did a hell of a lot better than their dad.

But maybe that's cold comfort.

I love you, Anna. I'll be thinking about you for a long time to come. A long time.

Lyle Dunn

There are tears on Ellie's cheeks. Her lips pull back from her teeth as she sobs. Her heart is pounding.

The luckiest kid in the city.

Her father abandoned Anna, and her. He really never came back. Ellie always knew that, so why does it hurt so much to read it? Why does she care about that asshole?

And why does so much of what he wrote feel familiar?

She cries for a while, laying on her side on top of her bed, next to the letter. Eventually, she cleans herself up, gets up and folds the letter, not sure when she's gonna read it again. She drops it on the desk and reaches for the last few pages in the box. When she moves them, she sees something she hadn't before. Some color, in the bottom of the box. She picks it up.

It's a piece of a photograph, cut into an oval. A man's face.

He's got brown hair, and green eyes. He's wearing a confident smirk, but it looks like it's for show. He's maybe ten years older than Ellie. He's handsome.

This must be what was in the pendant when Marlene received it. She puts the picture back in the box.

All at once she decides she's done for the day. She leaves everything out, and plops facedown on her bed. Annoyingly, there's a knock at her door a few seconds later.

"Ugh," she says into the comforter. When she answers it, it's Clint.

"Dinner?" he asks.

"Please," Ellie replies.

I have to do this in the headlights of one of the Humvees. Grayson has us running straight through the night, rotating drivers, so we don't have to camp out in the open, 'exposed.' So I guess he can be a bit of an asshole. Smart, though.

We just finished eating and I only have a few minutes before we start rolling again. The I-5 is pretty clear, and Grayson's pretty sure we can make the Med Center by noon tomorrow.

I'm pretty fucking scared.

I still haven't told Clint. I showed him Anna's picture, though. He said it's no wonder, she looks tough. I liked that. I told him about Lyle's letter, too. I could tell he didn't know how to react. Then he told me he was sorry, and I didn't know how to react. I thought about it, after. I guess I'm sorry, too. If I ever found him, though, I'd deck him.

I've been thinking about that. I don't think I had ever considered it before. It's unlikely, but… Lyle could still be alive, somewhere. He'd be about Joel's age, probably. I don't know what to think about that. I mean, it would be a million to one that I ever find him. Not that I'll get the chance, anyway.

Things are different with Abby now. The part of me that recoiled whenever I saw her has… weakened. The part of me that wants to shoot her is pretty much gone. Which leaves… not a lot. She's kind of like a stranger, now. I can tell it's weird for her, too, but now it's possible for us to have a normal conversation.

Lev is great. You pretty much can't not like him. I still feel like shit about holding a knife to his throat (what else is new), but every time he sees me, he lights up. He'll run over like we're old friends, and start telling me about his day. It's nice, talking to him. His honesty is really refreshing. He left the Scars behind, a long time ago. There's some kind of serious story there, but we haven't gotten a chance for that yet. But he seems to have taken the best parts of his 'religion' with him. He has a habit of pointing out people's flaws, with grace and unapologetic directness. He takes criticism really well, too, though.

I get why Abby is so protective.

We left this (yesterday?) morning. Landed a bunch of boats in a discreet location along the coast. Short march, and we're at this heavily barricaded warehouse. Barricaded by Fireflies. Inside there are tons of supplies and vehicles and gas. We load up and start pounding asphalt. I haven't seen any hostiles all day.

It was surreal. Sitting there and looking out the window at all the landscape Clint and I had covered on foot, flying by at fifty miles an hour. It was really cool, actually. I spent a lot of time just gazing.

Clint is with me in the backseat of the Humvee. Grayson is passenger, and Beth drove most of the day, then Axel. We are closely flanked by two other vehicles. There's a beast of a military truck up front, apparently to push through any blockades. It really feels like nothing can stop us. They are well prepared.

So I guess this is likely to be one of my last entries.

[Doodles, the start of Joel's face.]

I really want to draw Joel right now but I'm almost out of time.

I'm so scared.

Maybe I'll be with you soon.