Everything Is Better, Part Six

by CeleryLapel

This is a continuation of the series, "Everything is Better the Second Time Around." If Annie Edison had a child before she entered Greendale and how this situation might have shaped her and Jeff's relationship.

9. Heroic Origins

Chapter 9: Heroic Origins

Summary: A saga of triumph, ingenuity, and passion

A/N: Shoutout to the Community discord #fanfic channel for their encouragement and humor. This chapter is dedicated to Readymcreaderson.

It had been a turbulent time post WWI when the massive wave of Greek immigration came to the United States shores. New York was quickly saturated, and life was hard with the filthy streets, rats, and cramped housing, but it had been worth it due to the promise of economic opportunity in the land of the free. An enterprising soul Demetrius dreamed of a better life, one that wasn't constrained by the echoes of Ottoman rule and the Balkan wars. A life that was about providing pleasure, for Demetrius was a jovial fellow who liked to laugh heartily and spend his downtime leisurely, secure in the love of his friends and his woman. He had spent many years painstakingly market testing the perfect leather and wooden phallus, at times adding polished ends and carved rings. He had always suspected that his ancestor was the first one in that prehistoric cave in Germany, given his unusual last name, but alas it could not be proven.

As New York continued to grow, Demetrius headed west to the land of the cowboy, the plains of the lonely rancher. He knew a market opportunity when he saw one. Within five years, his shop was flourishing. He had called it the Ye Olde Shoppe because the Englishmen liked it that way. It was a sad fact of life that despite his products being the best in the western frontier, there was still a fair amount of prejudice directed toward tanned fellows, despite their otherwise pleasing appearance.

Demetrius was certainly handsome, but although he had his pick of the ladies, he remained true to his missus. Soon enough they began to have children, and Demetrius didn't worry about providing for them, as his devices, or as he preferred to call them, curiosities, were flying off the shelves. They were packaged discreetly and he also needed to sell various other toiletries and such to provide respectable cover, but word spread amongst the locals. Demetrius gleefully sold his wares and built his empire.

His eldest son Calix soon grew, married, and had one child of his own. Demetrius had some fond days with his family before he succumbed to a quick illness shortly after the second World War. He was surrounded by his family and at peace, knowing that his sons had all been domestically posted during the war and were spared its most awful moments. Calix soon took the reins of the Ye Olde Shoppe and began to train his son Kirios on how to run the place. Kirios showed a fine aptitude for it, but to his father's dismay, did not marry and remained a confirmed bachelor. Calix began to worry about the Ye Olde Shoppe, but as the 1980s wore on, Kirios reassured him that he could handle it and would make arrangements to keep it in the family. He sent word to relatives in Greece.

Calix passed away in the late 1990s just as young Thanos arrived, young and eager to make a life for himself in America. He was the descendant of Demetirius' older brother Deo, a man who had done fairly well in Greece despite WWI and had inherited the family money which had left Demetrius no other options but to head to the new world. Deo's family alas had ended up on hard times by the end of the twentieth century, hence Thanos's voyage. It helped that Thanos had an adventurous spirit and had been regaled by tales from his distant uncle about the Shoppe. Upon arrival, he immediately ingratiated himself with the customers and educated himself on how Americans went about things, and it became plain to him that his uncle Kirios was too old-school and was missing out on a huge market. For Greendale Colorado was no longer a prudish town, and people needed their devices, and it was imperative that they know where to quickly find them. Thanos pressed his uncle, who was initially reluctant, to make some changes.

"Agapitos mou Theios, I know you've been trying to be discreet, but you've been too hidden."

Kirios looked up from his accounting, taken slightly aback that his nephew would speak to him like that. But then he noted Thanos' winning smile, the smile that the customers had started to remark upon, particularly the ladies and certain gentlemen, and he melted. He couldn't stay mad, so he asked some questions.

"What do you mean by that, Thanos?"

Another smile came, as did the glimpse of an entrepreneurial spirit. Thanos comically rubbed his hands together to get his uncle to laugh and ventured, "I was thinking...Agapitos mou Theios, you are not making proper use of our family name." He wiggled his eyebrows and waited.

Kirios frowned, at first a bit befuddled. The family name went back centuries, to around 1400 AD, which happened to be when the term dildo was first coined. It originated from the Latin for dilatare, which means, 'open wide', and the Italian for delight, which translates as 'diletto'. The first specific ancestor they could trace, and he knew because Thanos had been doing meticulous research on this for some reason and he couldn't stop the dear boy, was an artist and painted vases depicting their now wares in group and solitary activities. The drawings and the actual devices were even mentioned in Aristophanes' comedy Lysistrata. As he thought, it dawned on him what his nephew was proposing.

"Nooooo, Thanos! We use our name for the books, but our customers cannot know it! Our receipts…"

Thanos shook his head and laughed heartily before slapping his uncle (the nerve but alas he couldn't be mad), and exclaiming, "If they know our name, they will love it! They will come! And more will then come!"

"How do you mean come?"

"In all ways."'

Kirios scowled, but as his precocious nephew kept nonverbally coaxing him, he finally relented.

The Ye Olde Shoppe became Dildopolis.

xxxxxxxx

Kirios sighed as he reflected on the years since Thanos had arrived. Dildopolis had certainly been successful, more so than he had ever dreamed, and it was good to have family around. His nephew had courted his friend's daughter Daniela and married her, eventually having children that Kirios considered his grandchildren. That little Dino especially was always looking to be helpful, even if he tended to carry around his baseball bat at odd times. Thanos had a knack for marketing and although he wasn't that interested in selling their wares on the floor, he kept the website updated, followed up with any customer complaints, and was always looking for ways to expand revenue. It was a seedy neighborhood, which had gotten worse over the years, and Kirios initially thought it might be a problem and had the impulse to move the shop to Riverside, but Thanos convinced him that their customers were drawn to the sketchiness and it had become part of the Dildopolis charm. Plus, he mentioned something about it being an excellent location for parking fees. The fact that Thanos had also taken upon himself to rent the upstairs apartments to several ladies, emphasizing that he knew none of them would trash the place and were good for their rent, was helpful.

That was how they had met Annie. Kirios considered now his original impression of her was not completely accurate, but he was so accustomed to the other ladies by that point that he naturally assumed until Thanos had corrected him. His nephew knew how to read people better than he ever could, and he trusted him when he had told him that they needed to look after her and to ignore that Jeff guy because he wasn't the problem but to shine flashlights in the dirty toed one's eyes at every opportunity and to make sure to make it extra cumbersome for the baby daddy to enter on the rare occasions he visited. Kirios didn't have the mental energy to keep up, so he placed his trust in his nephew and let him sort all that out. That's what he tended to do with most things over the past few years, and It had worked thus far and he was sure Dildopolis had a bright future.

"Hey uncle. What's going on today?"

He smiled at the English term, knowing that Thanos used that on the occasions he wanted something. He chuckled and motioned him into his office and then sat back in his cushioned chair behind his desk. Thanos plopped down and leaned forward, his hands clasped and his expression one of earnestness.

Damn, he loved that boy.

"I'm well. You ask because…?"

"I could perhaps use a favor?"

Kirios squinted at him and nodded, not being all that concerned. Profits had tripled over the past six months, and that was mostly due to Thanos' idea of holding a raffle for the most obscure wares, even going as far as commissioning replicas of the ancient devices. He had to admit Greendale residents had an interest in affected scholarly pleasure.

"Could I have the afternoon off? It's for a friend."

"Ah. You're not working tonight, so this would mean you won't return until tomorrow?"

"Yes."

Thanos's brown eyes grew several times their size, and Kirios stifled a smile. Instead, he ventured, "What is wrong with your friend?"

"His wife left him."

Kirios nodded solemnly and considered his nephew was a caring young man. Never one to discourage virtuousness, he acquiesced.

"Thank you, uncle! I am much appreciative."

"Go then."

Thanos grinned and hopped up, giving a wave as he sailed out the door.

xxxxx

Thanos stopped abruptly at the sight of the old man that Annie considered a friend. He never got the reasoning behind that. Sure, he was loaded but he was racist and just really unpleasant. But being loyal to the Edison-Wingers, he turned on the charm and approached.

The old guy, who had been attempting to hide the fact that he had already noticed him, looked up from his perusal of aisle two and let out an affected whistle.

"Oh, Thay-nos! I didn't see you there."

"Mister Hawthorne, it's a pleasure as always. How may we help you today?"

"You may call me Pierce, remember?"

"Ah, yes, but old ways die hard." Thanos grinned in his knowledge that he was on his way to better places and figured indulging the guy for a few minutes wouldn't make much of a difference. Plus, Annie would be happy if she knew, not that he'd go to the trouble of telling her. It was just something he felt in his heart was a nice thing to do. Jeff would feel differently and tell him not to bother, but he paid that thought no mind.

Pierce continued his awkward shuffling and pointed vaguely over to some devices. "I don't know which ones… the pink or the ones with the feathers?" He smiled bashfully and someone sinisterly, which was an odd combination that Thanos had only encountered with Pierce.

Blinking twice, Thanos finally nodded and reached over to tap a box near the back of the third row. "This one."

"I can't see it. It's in the box."

"We don't let it out of the box."

"Oooooh, then it must be extra special."

"It is."

"Ahem, Thanos?"

Thanos and Pierce turned to see Kirios shaking his head very slightly as he had been listening in for likely a few moments. He had a wry smile but only Thanos could recognize it. He made a shooing motion and stated, "Go, your friend is in distress. Comfort him."

"Are you sure? I was just telling Mister Hawthorne here…"

"Go. I will help Mister Hawthorne. He is a loyal customer and he deserves the owner's attention, don't you think?

"Yes, uncle."

Thanos bid his adieu and jogged out toward the parking lot.

xxxxxxxxxxx

It was about a half hour later when he arrived at the new house. It had taken a few minutes to get the kids situated in the car, but thankfully Daniela had helped with that, and she had been eager to have some child free time to herself. Thanos hopped out of the car and then swung the back door open.

"Papa, it's so big!"

Thanos considered the house was large, and if he were honest with himself, which he tried to be, part of him was a bit envious of it, but then he remembered he and Daniela were saving for the important things. Dino and Maria were going to go to college, and although he wouldn't want to offend so he never mentioned it, it would not be Greendale Community College. They had a house of their own in Greendale, since it was more affordable, and a tiny yard. It was really as much house as they actually needed, and the kids were happy. He had no wish to be a lawyer like Jeff; that just seemed really unpleasant.

He laughed at Dino, who was staring wide eyed at the Edison-Winger residence and then tapped him on the nose. "Yeah, it is. There's a pretty nice yard in the back so you and Sophie can go mess around."

Dino smiled and clasped his hands around his bat in a low-key giddiness, and Thanos' heart swelled. He reached inside to undo the straps on his booster seat and then felt the slap on his back. He turned to see Andre and instinctively stepped back.

It was a painful moment to be sure, and normally Thanos didn't want to offend, but he was still processing the news about Andre and Shirley. He understood there were marital troubles and he already knew about the stripper and he hadn't wanted to be too judgmental, although he could never imagine doing something like that to Daniela, his angel. But now he had also heard from Jeff that Shirley had been the one to leave and his heart kinda went out to the guy, and he did by now consider him a friend.

"Hey, man."

Andre smiled politely but had noticed the step back, and Thanos quickly recovered with some honesty, which he noted usually helped in these sort of situations.

"Hey, Andre. Sorry, but I just wasn't expecting you to be here. I thought you were Jeff." He paused and then added with a quick glance toward Dino before lowering his voice, "I heard about you and Shirley. I'm sorry, I guess I didn't see that coming. I wasn't sure what to say to you about it, but hey, I'm here."

Andre visibility relaxed his shoulders and patted him once on the shoulder in that awkward way they sometimes did, and Thanos considered Andre probably did need a friend. He was kind of glad Jeff had invited him over too, given the circumstances.

Aloud he mused, "No guy should be alone after he's been through that."

Andre sighed in response and then tilted his head to address Dino, "Hey little man, I brought Ben with me. He really wanted to see you."

"Oh, that's very special, Mister Andre."

Andre arched one brow and remarked, "Your kid is always so weirdly polite. How do you get him to do that?"

Thanos shrugged and got to work on liberating Dino and then Maria.

xxxxx

A few minutes later, Andre had helped him get everything into the house, and he took a good look around now that Jeff and Annie had gotten more settled. It was shaping up nicely, and he noticed the couch and table were centered and the television was anchored to the far wall. Jeff had teased him a bit about doing some manly projects this afternoon, but he of course knew that Jeff was asking him over for a playdate, and he wasn't completely convinced it wasn't just for the kids. He considered it probably would have been a bit tiring to spend the whole afternoon with his one year old and six year old. He loved his kids, but it was kind of an awkward age difference. His eyes lingered on the large television and wondered if videogaming was on the agenda.

There were shrieks coming from the backyard, and then Jeff emerged from that direction, his hair slightly spikier than usual and perhaps with more than a hint of not careful dishevelment. He grinned and motioned for Dino.

"Get back here. Sophie and Ben need some help."

"Hello, Mister Jeff. Yay!" Dino squealed and tore past them all. Jeff watched him go and then shrugged.

"I guess he'll figure out where to go from the screams."

"They okay back there?"

"Yeah, sure."

Andre chuckled and then explained, "We've got Troy and Abed on babysitting duty. They have it all worked out back there, with the blankets, flashlights, and pillows. Lord, it's going to get messy, but I'm so glad to just kick back, you know?"

Thanos indicated with his head toward Maria, who was in his arms and getting squirmy. Jeff motioned him back toward the dining room and then made a big show of two playpens, side by side. Thanos peered over one to see Sebastian seated and drooling over his teddy bear.

"He's so quiet."

"Trust me, that's not always the case. Maybe he sensed he was having a friend over."

"You know he won't play with her, right? Kids his age don't really play."

Jeff shrugged and grabbed his diaper bag off his shoulder and placed it on a chair. "That's why I borrowed a cagepen from my mom. Figured they could both nap later." Jeff reached over and picked up Sebastian and hoisted him to his side.

They returned to the living room, and then Andre offered to go grab a few beers and headed for the kitchen. As soon as he was safely away, Thanos turned to Jeff and asked, "Why didn't you tell me Andre was coming? I kinda made an ass of myself out there."

"I'm sorry, but it was last minute. Shirley called me and…" Jeff shrugged and then placed Sebstian on the rug and sat down beside him in resignation.

"You're kidding me. You're talking to her? But she left."

"I know it sounds weird, but she's my friend, and Andre is my friend. The optics of Shirley leaving are not good, but she loves him, even if they likely won't end up together. She asked me to check on him, so I did and, sensing that he needed it, invited him over."

Thanos pondered this for a few moments as he also moved to the floor and stood Maria up so she could then grab a hold of the coffee table. He didn't really know much about what had happened, but he certainly understood how Andre might feel.

Aloud, he mused, "You know, it's funny. I was just talking to my uncle. I told him I was going to see a friend whose wife left him and little did I know it would be one hundred percent accurate in the sense that my uncle would infer."

There was a long beat of silence before Jeff remarked, "Oooookay."

Thanos explained, "I was referring to you and Annie."

"Do you know something I don't?"

"No man, I just don't like to lie. She left you to go someplace with Britta, is that not correct?"

Rolling his eyes, Jeff stifled a snort and said, "Sure, yes she left me for an entire afternoon so she and Britta could get mani pedis and go to a movie. I'm heartbroken. Thanks for being here for me."

"I got your back, man."

It was then that a small blonde boy came tearing through, and Jeff reached over and grabbed him, pulling him into a bear hug. The squeals soon followed, and Thanos considered the child looked familiar, finally recognizing him as one of Jeff's nephews.

"How many kids you got here today?"

After affecting some growls, Jeff then paused and looked up while still tickling the boy's tummy.

"This is Sam whom I believe you met, and his brother Braden is here outback. That's kind of why we have the dynamic duo here to help."

"Uncle Jeff is my uncle!"

Jeff leaned in and asked Sam, "And he's also...?"

"He's a dragon! Sophie said so! She says you fire and spit and then you eat Ariana Puffington but then she's going to eat you!"

"Oh really? Did she say that?"

"Yeah!"

With that, Jeff scooped up Sam and stood, letting a returning Andre take over Sebastian duty as he headed for the backyard.

Ben then came running in and shouted to his dad, "Oh, my butt burped!"

Thanos held his nose as the smell wafted through the room.

xxxxxx

It was a little while later, and to Jeff's prediction, Maria and Sebstian had gotten sleepy and were both snoozing in the dining room in their respective playpens, which were certainly not cages, but Thanos always found Jeff's dramatics endearing. The other kids were all out back with their babysitters, and Jeff, Andre, and Thanos were drinking beer and attempting to re-familiarize themselves with Mario Brothers, as apparently Abed had brought it over and encouraged Jeff to play it with his fellow Gen Xers so that they could appropriately bond. The three of them may have been initially a tad miffed, but it ended up being a blast.

Thanos, as Luigi, had just descended a pipe and was relishing the satisfying sound effect when there was a knock at the front door.

"You invite anyone else?"

Jeff frowned and shook his head. He then slowly stood and Andre eagerly grabbed his console, as there were only two players and they had been alternating, and then settled down in the appropriate semi-recumbent gaming position. He and Thanos clinked their beers together and then turned back to the game.

Jeff made his way toward the door and then opened it. Thanos kept his eyes on the screen so as not to miss his next jump, but he listened.

"Hello Jeff."

There was a somewhat long pause, as if Jeff were unusually surprised by something.

"Um, hello. What are you doing here?"

"This may be more moonman talk, but Abed said we needed more scenes together, and well, I want to fit in, so here I am. Or, if you prefer, I could say I'm needing assistance with tracking down a student with an unusual name. Which I am, but I'm not necessarily convinced you can help me with that since according to one particular student named Kim, you don't remember names. But why don't we give it a shot? You help me, I let you, and we have a few scenes, and then I'm really one of the group."

"I see."

"There seem to be some odd nicknames on campus. From what I understand, Ben is Kevin, Alex is Starburns but now Alex again, Leonard is Rodriguez but not, Buzz won't tell anyone his legal name which points to an issue but frankly it's not my priority."

There was a very long pause this time, and then Jeff cleared his throat.

"I appreciate the gesture, Frankie. I do. And normally I'd take you up on it, butI'm not free right now. Maybe we could reschedule?"

It was then that a white blob came tearing through the living room, and Thanos and Andre both managed to maneuver out of the way as Ruffles leapt over them and came bounding up to Jeff. Another blur whizzed by and then Sophie's voice came screeching.

"Oh, you're a naughty doggie! You bring Ariana Puffington back! She's not yours, she's mine!"

"Now, munchkin."

"Woof!"

"Daddy, she...hi Frankie! You're at my house! Wow!"

"Hello, Sophie."

"I can't believe you're here. I tell Mommy you look like her but she says no she doesn't but I say yes. Can I touch your hair?"

"Now, munchkin."

"Woof!"

"You may touch my hair, yes. It's an odd request, but I'll allow it, as long as you've washed your hands."

"That's where you're going to trip her up."

"Daddy put me down and take Ariana Puffington back. I need to wash my hands so I can touch the shiny hair."

"Sure, munchkin. Go."

"Wee! I'll be back, Frankie! You stay, and you tell my naughy doggie she's naughty!"

"Well, now I have a spitty dragon in my hands. Frankie, clearly you can see this is not a great time for us to have a scene together."

"Woof!"

"And you….Abed!"

"Yes, Jeff."

Thanos had been vaguely aware of a slender presence skirt by them a moment ago, and he considered he'd never really understand that dude. He kept his eyes on the game but continued to listen.

"Oh, hi Frankie. I was wondering when you'd get here."

"I arrived at the appointed time."

"I hadn't accounted for traffic since I don't drive and can't really tell time."

"More moonman talk. Jeff, as you can see, I was summoned. Let's begin."

"But…."

"Jeff, I'll take your dog to the backyard. Here. See you later, Frankie."

"Yes, Abed. Oh my, who are these men? More covert committee members?"

There was a wearied sigh, and then Jeff replied, "Frankie, these are my friends Andre and Thanos."

"Andre, as in Shirley and Andre?"

"Yes."

"Thanos, as in runs an establishment of ill repute?"

"Abed filled you in well, I see."

Thanos bristled a little but he supposed he was used to such misconceptions. He needed to set the record straight. Looking up from his console and addressing what turned out to be a startlingly attractive lady, he explained, "Hello Frankie. Yes, I am Thanos, but my business is not one of ill reputation. It is a place of almost divinity."

"I see."

"It's Dildopolis."