When Hawkeye closed the front door, she put her back to it and leaned against the wall. Maybe she shouldn't have let the colonel leave, maybe she should've kept him here and talked to him more. But how could she do that? The colonel could be overly private and stubborn when it came to personal matters; he wasn't going to simply sit back down if she asked and say to her, "Sure, Lieutenant, I'll talk about my feelings with you."

The colonel had been incredibly distracted. She thought that he was probably most likely barely even listening to her the entire time.

When the colonel had agreed to come over, Hawkeye was surprised. She had thought that he would at least try and visit Hughes again while visiting hours were still going. Maybe he wanted to do that, maybe he was going to do that. It was probably better that he hadn't. It would only serve to dig him deeper into his own guilt. She wished he wouldn't feel so guilty for something that wasn't his fault, but when it came to the lieutenant colonel, she wasn't ever going to convince the colonel of the opposite of what he believed.

How much was it like the colonel's luck for right when he was getting back on his feet that this would happen? He had always groused about having bad luck and the lieutenant dismissed it, but now she was starting to see what he meant by it.

Unlike the colonel, Hawkeye knew that lamenting over what she should've done wasn't going to change anything. She thought she should finish her dinner and get to bed. The colonel was tomorrow Hawkeye's problem, not tonight's anymore.

The entire ride home from the lieutenant's was a nightmare. Roy drove too fast and then, when he realized how fast he was going, started going entirely too slow.

Before Roy could get home, he glanced briefly at his watch. There was still some time for visiting hours...maybe he should go see Hughes. Although, maybe Gracia was there now. Without much of a second thought, Roy felt himself driving to the hospital instead of his house. Even if Gracia was there, he could always simply go home. He had only wanted to see him again, even if it just meant sitting at his side.

Roy couldn't be sure what the lieutenant was thinking of him leaving how he did. She probably had some suspicion that Roy was only leaving to avoid eating, but he almost didn't care. He was just happy to be out of sight of her watchful, calculating gaze, never mind hopefully being able to see Hughes again. Having her press consistently on him made Roy uneasy, to say the least. It wasn't rational to think that Hawkeye knew that Roy had lied about Lior and that's why she was pressing about why Roy felt so guilty about Hughes, but...being asked about it over and over again could make someone quite irrational.

Lying could always do that. Even before Roy knew that Hawkeye was suspicious of his eating, Roy always felt like she was. It seemed because he was thinking of it, everyone else was too. It was hard to feel that because of that, everyone also knew. Though, then again, Hawkeye always seemed to be able to read Roy's mind.

It felt nice to sit and chat with her again in a way, but considering that he was absorbed heavily in his thoughts, it hardly felt natural. Roy ached to be able to have a coffee with the lieutenant while thinking of nothing other than what she was saying.

Roy pulled into a parking spot at the hospital. He got out of his car and slowly walked to the doors of the hospital. He scanned the parking lot as best as he could for Gracia's car and he hadn't seen it but thought perhaps he maybe only just missed it.

"I'm here to see Maes Hughes, I—"

"You were here earlier, right?"

"Well—"

The woman at the desk smiled up at Roy, "You know where he is. Go right ahead."

Roy returned the smile and made his way to Hughes' room, hoping he was alone and awake. He rapped softly and waited a few moments for a response.

"Yes...?" He heard Hughes ask. "Who is it? Come in."

Roy opened the door and poked his head in. "It's me. Surprised?"

Hughes smirked. "Nope. Not at all. Please tell me you have food with you."

"No, sorry." Roy walked into the room and closed the door behind him. He sat down in the same chair he had before, scooting it closer to Hughes' bed. "What? They don't feed you here?"

"You know as well I do that the food here is hardly edible," said Hughes.

Roy thought for a moment. "So Gracia didn't come, then? Surely she would've brought you something."

"Oh, of course, she did! But she hadn't brought Elysia in case something really bad happened," Hughes mumbled. "So, she left pretty quickly. I told her you were bringing me home, so I'll see her again then."

"Mmm. You want me to grab you something?"

"No, no. I ate only an hour ago anyway...barely, but," Hughes laughed. "I'll be asleep soon enough."

Roy nodded. He allowed himself to relax in his seat, wanting to give Hughes his full attention.

"You seem in a better mood than before," said Hughes.

"Yeah...well, I was worried before."

"Understandably," replied Hughes. "I'm not sure how I would react if our positions were switched."

Roy didn't want to mention that their positions should've been switched, afraid the Hughes would go on about how he was glad that Roy could've stayed out of Lior. He hadn't known how exactly to respond to that, so he decided to stay quiet. He wondered if Hughes could tell what he had wanted to say.

"Ed called me," said Hughes. "He was supposed to be coming tonight as well."

"Really?" Roy looked at his watch. "It's getting late..."

"Well, he said if he could make it on time...but I guess that's not happening."

A pause.

"I know he probably feels bad," Hughes said quietly. "Like what's happening in Lior is his fault."

"Yeah. He just about freaked out when he found out. He came barging in my office."

"I can only hope he forgives himself," Hughes replied. "Although I can't imagine Ed doing that."

"Right."

Roy partially regretted coming. The air in the room was so thick and so awkward, Roy wanted to run out, jump in his car, and leave. But, he felt like he owed it to Hughes to be at his side while he was stuck at the hospital, even if it was only the night. Roy wondered if Hughes was simply being polite by letting Roy sit with him. Although it was early to be going to sleep, Roy figured that Hughes must be tired.

"Are you tired, Hughes? Do you want me to go?"

Hughes sat up straighter. "Do I look tired?"

"Yes."

"Well, only a little."

"Only a little? As in you want me to leave but only a little?"

"Do you want to leave?"

"What? No, but I feel like..."

Hughes cocked his head to the side. "What's the matter, Roy?"

"I'm sorry, Hughes," Roy rasped. "I'm sorry you're here."

"Roy, please, for the last time—"

"No, let me speak."

So, Hughes went quiet, letting Roy speak. Only Roy didn't know what to say. He almost was going to tell Hughes everything. Everything. His worries about his weight, his eating habits, Lior, and even throwing up. All of it. Roy could almost feel the words rising in him that wanting to come from his mouth.

Was he crazy? While Hughes was here? In the hospital? Maybe that was almost better, so he could leave if things went bad. But he was supposed to pick up Hughes tomorrow...

Roy knew he had to tell Hughes, at least about lying about Lior for sure. It was simply a matter of when not if. He also figured it was probably only a matter of time before his eating habits were found out as well, despite how desperately he wanted to keep them to himself. Perhaps Roy just needed to be honest to him, maybe that would make things better. Maybe his relationship with Hughes would feel less strained.

Or maybe it would ruin everything.

He couldn't lose Hughes, especially not over some lie. Hughes was too important to lose. Was it worth it having a strained relationship over no relationship at all?

"Roy? You alright?"

"I'm..." Roy trailed off, letting his head fall. "I'm just so sorry..."

Hughes was quiet, instead of telling Roy not to be sorry. He probably knew better than that, for Roy would just dismiss it.

"Roy?" Hughes said again. "Were you drinking?"

"No!" Roy looked up immediately. "Why would you ask me something like that?"

"You're acting very strange," said Hughes. "Is there something you're not telling me?"

Oh, if only he knew...

"No, no...I just feel—" Roy cut himself off. "Hughes, I just feel really guilty for what happened to you."

"I understand, Roy."

"No...you don't..."

"So make me understand. Please."

Hughes was looking at Roy with a pleading face. he had only wanted Roy to feel better, to allow himself to unburden himself on Hughes. Roy felt even worse. It felt like he couldn't pull himself together and simply say to Hughes, "I'm sorry" and allow Hughes to forgive him. It was obvious he was omitting something now.

"I only mean that we've never been in another situation like this. You've never made me get injured."

"Roy, please, it's alright. Hardly anything happened to me."

Roy let his head fall again, "I know."

Hughes relaxed back into the bed.

"Let's talk about something else," said Hughes. "Alright?"

Roy shouldn't have come. He should have gone right home after leaving the lieutenant's. There was no reason to be here; he was going to see Hughes tomorrow morning anyway. He was just digging himself deeper. Hughes was going to figure...something out.

"I was at the lieutenant's house...for dinner," Roy said. "But I...had to excuse myself. I wanted to see you."

Hughes frowned. "You should've stayed."

"So you don't want me here then?

"No, no. Why do you keep saying that?" Hughes shook his head. "I just know Hawkeye was probably happy to have you."

"Right. I know," Roy said awkwardly. Then rambled, "She's going to come with me tomorrow to bring you home."

"Oh, huh."

It was too awkward. Nothing felt right.

Roy's mind floated to what he had eaten during the day, as it usually did when things felt tense. He had eaten more than he liked, even if he did throw it back up. He felt hungry but knew he wasn't going to eat when he got home. Roy could at least feel some sense of comfort with that, knowing that anything that he had put in his body (barring the coffee earlier at the hospital and at the lieutenant's house), he had gotten back out. Or tried to at least.

Weirdly, he also thought about what Hughes had eaten during the day. He had said that he had only eaten a little bit of his dinner, but had it eaten anything earlier in the day? Probably something...

Why was he thinking about this?

"Well, I should—"

The door whined opened slowly.

"Lieutenant Hughes!" It was Ed. He came to Hughes' bedside. "You don't look too bad..."

Al trailed in behind him, holding a basket in his hand. He nodded at Roy and Roy nodded back. Roy looked up at Ed, who was scanning Hughes' body to see what was wrong.

"Yeah, I'm alright." Hughes smiled. Roy had wished the smile was at him instead. "What's in the basket?"

"Pie," replied Al. "From Winry. We were in Resembool when Colonel Mustang called Ed."

"Not as good as Mrs. Hughes'," Ed said. "But she tries."

Roy again felt bad for coming empty-handed.

"I'll see if I can find plates and utensils for us," Al said, before slipping out of the room and leaving the pie in Ed's hands.

Was Al expecting Roy to have some pie? Maybe he should leave like he was going to before...

"Colonel, you're looking worse for wear."

"Thanks, Fullmetal," Roy spat. "Just what I wanna hear."

Ed shrugged.

Roy was trying to will himself to leave. He was going to just before, but couldn't get himself to get up. For some reason, he didn't want to leave Hughes. It was humiliating to leave (even if no one else knew the reason) over a slice of pie. Roy didn't wanna allow himself to be controlled by something so stupid.

Ed sat at the edge of Hughes' bed. Roy already knew what he was going to say before he said it.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly.

"Not you too, Ed. Don't apologize. You haven't done anything wrong."

"But what's happening in Lior..."

"is happening because of Father Cornello, not you, Ed."

"But—"

"No. No 'buts'." Hughes pulled himself to sit up. "You did something good, Ed. Any bad that resulted from that is the of Father Cornello."

Roy was bouncing his gaze back and forth while Ed and Hughes spoke. He had expected Ed to continue arguing with Hughes about how it was his fault, but...he hadn't. He sighed and nodded.

"You're right," said Ed. "It's not like I would change what I did there."

Hughes smiled, "Exactly."

The three sat in awkward silence until Al came back with paper plates and plastic forks.

"Okay!" Al grinned. "We're all having some, right?"

"Of course," said Ed. Ed opened the basket and looked down at the pie. "Now I know your wife usually makes apple pie, but she had given Winry this recipe for a cherry pie that's awesome."

"Oh..." Hughes looked to Roy. "Looks like Roy isn't having any."

Roy almost couldn't believe his luck.

"Nope," he said. Ed quirked up a brow. "Allergic to cherries."

"I never knew that."

"Why would you?" Roy asked. "That's alright, just have it without me, I don't mind."

"Wouldn't care if you did," Ed quipped. Typical.

As Al cut the slices of pie for himself, Ed, and Hughes, Roy couldn't help but feel a little left out. He was grateful that he didn't have to turn down the pie on his own, that Hughes had already produced a ready excuse, but he wished he could enjoy it like the rest of them. Food could be one of those things that helped to bring people together, Roy knew that. He thought about all the times where he and the lieutenant had shared dinner and laughed livelily. Or, all the time Hughes invited Roy over for dinner with his family. Roy thought back to times where he wasn't obsessed over what he was eating.

Roy had tuned out whatever Ed, Al, and Hughes were saying. He was too busy thinking about all the meals he's ruined with people because he couldn't stop obsessing over what he was about to eat.

"I should go," Roy said. "I should get home and get some sleep."

"You look like you could use it, Colonel," Al said. "Well—I only mean, I only mean that you look tired, is all."

"I know." Roy rose from his seat. "I'll see you tomorrow, Hughes. Fullmetal—"

"You wanna get lunch tomorrow?" Ed asked around a mouthful of a bite of pie. "After you take Hughes home?"

"I—" Roy opened his mouth and shut it when he looked at Ed's face. He couldn't help but feel there was a reason why Ed was asking him to lunch. It felt as if Ed wanted to discuss something because he wouldn't go out of his way to spend time with Roy. The paranoid part of Roy felt like Ed wanted to discuss his eating habits, but that wasn't possible. The more rational part, though, knew that Ed most likely wanted to talk about Lior and Hughes. "Sure, we can go."

"Alright," Ed said, putting his head back down to his plate. "See ya tomorrow, Colonel."

Before he could escape, Hughes called his name. He turned around slowly.

"Yes...?"

"Can you grab me clothes for tomorrow?" Hughes asked. "Drop my house and just ask Gracia for something?"

"Well, I—Sure."

Hughes flashed a grin and Roy's chest ached. "Thanks, Roy."

Roy tried to mimic his smile miserably.

Finally, he left the room and then the hospital. Roy made his way back to his care and then got started on the ride to Hughes' house.

The idea of seeing Gracia made his heart race. What if she simply slammed the door on him for being the Hughes was in the hospital. It didn't seem like something she would ever do, but Roy wasn't sure how Hughes in the hospital could make her act. Surely, the two had talked...right? Roy thought perhaps Hughes had preemptively thought about how Gracia would think about him going to Lior in Roy's place and maybe it hadn't mentioned that part.

But maybe he had.

Roy went up to the front door of Hughes' house feeling as if his body weighed a ton; it felt like a huge effort to simply move each leg. With a lump in his throat, he rapped on the door softly. He heard some shifting and moving around through the door and then appeared Gracia's smiling face.

"Roy! Hi," she said, "What can I do for you?"

"I'm here for Hughes..."

"Aren't you driving him home tomorrow morning?"

"Yes. I meant I'm here on an errand for him. Clothes for tomorrow when I pick him up?"

Roy was speaking so mechanically and militant it was embarrassing. He should be more intimate with her and less formal, especially since she was being so nice to him. Maybe Hughes hadn't spoken to her...

"Oh, of course! Come in, come in." Gracia opened the door for Roy to enter and closed it behind him. "Can I get you anything, coffee or anything?"

"Um..." He thought about asking for coffee but didn't when he recalled Hawkeye's comment about how he took it. "No thanks, I'm okay."

"Alright." Gracia motioned to the couch. "Have a seat. I'll be right back."

Roy sat on the couch and Gracia went upstairs. Elysia was probably asleep at this time, it was getting late, Roy thought listlessly. He bounced his leg anxiously, wanting to leave as soon as possible. He felt so uncomfortable being in Hughes' house now. Gracia probably did know that Roy was the reason Hughes was in Lior and maybe she was just waiting for Roy to leave to be mad. Maybe she was only faking to be alright with Roy, maybe she actually—

"Okay, here you go!"

Roy looked up suddenly to see Gracia standing with clothes for Hughes in her hands with sneakers atop of them. Roy stood up and took them from her.

"Are you sure you don't want anything, Roy? Have you eaten already?"

"Of course I ate," Roy said quickly. Realizing how weird the reply was, he added. "I mean, I ate at the lieutenant's."

That was a lie.

"Oh, well," She trailed off. "Well, if that's it..."

Roy shifted uncomfortably. "Is something wrong?"

"Not quite. I just—" Gracia sat down. "I just want to talk to you."

Hughes told her. Hughes told her and she was angry. She was going to tear Roy apart. Tell him what a bad friend he was for letting Hughes go to Lior in his place. He wanted to just run away and into his car. But, what would Hughes think of that when he would hear of it? That his friend wasn't man enough to face his actions? Oh, if Hughes only knew how true that statement only was...

Roy willed himself to relax. Maybe she was only worried and wanted someone to talk to.

"Oh," Roy said. It came out as a moan. "I have to—I mean I—tomorrow I have to—"

"Relax, Roy, I'm not mad at you, or something like that," she said. She tapped the spot next to her on the couch. "I only want to talk."

Roy sat down slowly. "O-Okay..."

"I just wanted to tell you that I don't blame you, Roy."

Roy wanted to play stupid and ask "for what?" He wanted to...

Instead, he gave a huge sigh of relief. "You don't? Because I blame me."

"You do?" Gracia asked. "Maes said you did, but I don't understand why."

"Because I..."

Another person he'd be lying to about Lior.

"I feel as though my not going is why he's there. Well, I know that's why he's there...or was there."

"I understand that, but I thought you weren't going because you didn't think it was right to be there," said Gracia. "But Maes doesn't seem to think it's a problem. I understand you think it's going to be similar to Ishval, but—"

"I didn't want Hughes doing something he'd regret...like in Ishval."

"Well, that's his choice. You were asked to go, and declined, and Maes was asked to go, and he did. It's not like you requested he specifically go instead of you...right?"

"No! No, of course not." Roy averted his eyes. "I made some stupid comment when I found we disagreed about Lior...something like if he crossed his fingers maybe he'd get to go."

Gracia was quiet so Roy looked back to her to see her face. She was frowning.

"But you were only upset, Roy. I'm sure he understands." She sighed, "You really don't have anything to feel guilty about. It seems like if they hadn't chosen you in the first place they would've chosen Maes anyway."

"Right, but I..."

Roy trailed off. Without explaining the truth, it seemed like Roy's guilt was unfounded, almost. Surely it was somewhat understandable, but Gracia was right. If they hadn't picked Roy, they probably would've picked Hughes. But, it was different when Roy lied about why he wasn't going to Hughes. It was different when it was because Roy's health concerned, that he himself had caused, was the reason he wasn't about to go. It was different because Hughes was okay with going under false pretenses. Roy felt that Hughes was almost not allowed to have an opinion on Lior now. Hughes would probably push his feelings aside so he can go in Roy's place, and if Roy thought about it, Hughes maybe even stood up for Roy's decision not to go.

Oh...

He hoped that wasn't true. He really hoped that wasn't true. To even think about Hughes saying something about Roy choosing not to go and the Furher looking at Hughes like he was crazy could make Roy himself go crazy.

"Okay," Roy rasped. "I understand. I should go...I have to be up early..."

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine."

Roy rose to his feet and his knees instantly buckled. Gracia put her arms out and grabbed Roy.

"Are you sure you're alright, Roy? You look pale."

"Yes, I'm alright." Roy grabbed her hands and moved them off her. He was uncomfortable with someone touching him. "Really, I'm fine."

Gracia stood up and Roy could tell she wanted to put her hands on him again, to keep him steady. She looked up at him with worry all over her face.

"Roy, I think you should sit down for a bit. Let me get you some water."

"No, I'm—"

"Please, Roy. Just sit."

Begrudgingly, Roy obeyed, putting Hughes' clothes and shoes on his lap. Gracia disappeared into the kitchen and reappeared with a glass of water. She handed it to Roy and sat next to him.

"Thanks," said Roy after taking a sip.

They were quiet as Roy sipped on his water. He was antsy to just finish it and leave.

"You've lost some weight, Roy," Gracia said suddenly.

"What?" Roy quickly turned his head to look at Gracia. "Not since I saw you last...or, I mean—"

"Is there something wrong, Roy?" she asked. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Just stressed is all."

It was just too easy to lie. It was beginning to make Roy feel sick.

"About Hughes?"

"Just about...I don't know...everything..."

Gracia leaned her head to the side, "What, everything?"

"Mmm...I..."

"It's okay, Roy. You can tell me."

Roy set the glass of water on the coffee table and put his head in his hands. There was no way Gracia was onto him. That wasn't possible. There was no way.

"I don't know," said Roy, his voice muffled by his hands. "It's nothing. Really."

Gracia put her hand on Roy's back. He wanted to shake it off, so badly.

"Well, Roy, whatever it is, you can tell me. You know I'm always here for you."

Roy stayed quiet.

"Maybe you should go," Gracia continued. "Get some rest. You want me to pick up Hughes tomorrow instead?"

"No, no." Roy rose again, making sure to keep himself steady. "I'll get him tomorrow."

"Okay," she said, standing up to walk Roy out of the house. "Thank you, Roy, and please...don't feel bad about any of this."

"I..." Roy looked down at Hughes's clothes and shoes in his hands. "Alright. I'll see you tomorrow morning."

Gracia parted him with a soft smile. For once it was nice to have someone understand he just didn't want to discuss things and was willing to just leave him alone. It was refreshing to not be pressed against the wall.

He turned on his heels and walked to his car, almost feeling like he was a robot. A robot on its way home to recharge for another day of keeping its secrets.

When Roy finally arrived home, he undressed and slipped right into bed. Even if had wanted to eat, he was too wiped to anyway. Although he was exhausted, Roy could only lay awake and stare at his ceiling.

Hughes had to know about Lior. He deserved to. Even if it meant losing him, Hughes had to know. There was no way Roy could even continue lying about it. He would eventually crumble or Hughes would eventually find out from someone else.

It felt like Roy was already on the brink of crumbling.

Roy hadn't remembered falling asleep, but he had woken up feeling refreshed for once. Soon after he had woken up, the lieutenant had called him and told him she'd be there in thirty minutes. Roy knew he was barely going to have time to exercise, shower, and drink his morning cup of coffee, but he still tried to squeeze it all in. When the lieutenant said thirty minutes, she meant thirty minutes.

She had come while he was still in the shower.

"Colonel! I said thirty minutes!"

"I know, Lieutenant!" yelled Roy from the shower. "I'll be right out."

When Roy stepped out of the shower, he went to put on his uniform and realized he had brought his old one into the bathroom with him. His new one was in his bedroom on his nightstand.

"Um, Lieutenant?" Roy asked from behind the door.

"Yes?"

"Would you mind getting my uniform? From my bedroom?"

"Not at all, sir."

He heard the lieutenant walk to his bedroom and then come back to the bathroom door. She went for the knob and opened the door slightly, and although Roy had a towel wrapped around his waist, he slammed the door shut again.

"Sir?"

"I'm, uh, indecent."

"No towel? Surely you have a towel in there, sir."

Roy only opened the door slightly and stuck his hand out. Laughing to herself, she put the uniform in his hand. It was still in its plastic, just as it was when the lieutenant had first brought it to him.

If the Lieutenant had seen him with nothing but a towel, surely she would say something, or think something and then not say it. Roy didn't even know which was worse. Roy thought she would definitely be worried. Roy knew the contradiction. He still wanted to maintain his low weight (preferably, if he was, to be honest, lose more weight), and yet the fact that Hawkeye would be worried at seeing him still didn't make him want to put on weight. Stupidly, he also thought perhaps she would notice the weight he had put back on. He dismissed the thought purely because of how daft the idea of someone being able to tell a four-pound weight gain on someone.

When he changed into it, he instantly realized just how fitted it was. The older uniforms were not so custom fit. It was simply was your pant size while the jacket came in small, medium, large, extra-large. Now, the whole uniform seemed custom fit, including the jacket and pants, that it was perfectly fitted to Roy's body. Before Roy walked out of the bathroom, he stripped his lower half, antsy to see the measurements.

Colonel Roy Mustang.

It hadn't had his measurements on it. Roy felt disappointed.

Roy thought again about how he needed to maintain his weight to fit in his uniform. He couldn't put on any weight because, well, then he couldn't wear his uniform. Roy supposed that even losing weight would also be tricky; it would be incredibly obvious now. Before his uniform had gotten loose, but for the most part it covered up his weight loss. Moreover, no one was looking before. Surely Hawkeye or Hughes (or the doctor, if Roy had seen him) would notice almost instantly if Roy were to lose weight.

Suddenly his uniform felt too tight and his bathroom felt too small. He felt trapped.

"Colonel?" Hawkeye raped on the door. "You alright in there? We really should get going, sir."

Roy swung open the door and wasn't surprised to see the lieutenant in the new uniform as well.

He grinned, "Ready."

Hawkeye looked up at Roy's hair. "Not gonna do anything to your hair?"

"Why start now?" Roy shrugged, "It'll be dry by the time I get there."

She hinted at a smile, "Sure, sir. Did you get a chance to eat anything?"

The question was simple enough, so Roy gave a simple one back.

"No, I only just woke up."

"And last night? Or did you just go right to bed?"

That wasn't as simple. He wasn't sure if he should admit to seeing Hughes last night, and he also wasn't sure of the possible harm in admitting it. Though, surely she'd find out once they got to the hospital today.

"No," said Roy honestly. "I saw Hughes last night and then was so tired when I came back I went straight to bed. Sorry."

"You don't have to apologize, sir, I understand. I actually figured you would probably do that." She gave a sort of sad smile. "Let's just get going, sir."

They made their way to the lieutenant's car after Roy grabbed Hughes' clothes and shoes. Roy tried to catch a glimpse of her face, wanting to see if she thought anything of what he had just told her that she didn't say. Maybe (hopefully) she hadn't thought anything too bad of it and wasn't suspicious of Roy. Though, if she was, Roy doubted that she would bring it up on their way to pick up Hughes.

The two got in the car and the lieutenant began driving. The ride was quiet, but not uncomfortable, which Roy was thankful for.

"So, how long is it he going to be out again?" Hawkeye asked suddenly. Roy wasn't sure if she had ever asked in the first place.

"He said eight weeks," replied Roy.

"I'm sure he'll be happy to be home."

Roy glanced over at Hawkeye. "I'm sure he will."

If this was her way of trying to make me feel better, Roy thought, it's not working.

Edward floated into his mind. Then, he remembered he was agreed to lunch with Ed. Why had he done that? Why couldn't he have just said, "No, I'm busy." He kicked himself for not doing that. But, Roy knew that Ed was probably still feeling guilty about Hughes and Lior and Roy obviously empathized with that. He wanted to be there for Ed and wanted to get through to him that what happened in Lior wasn't his fault. If Roy revealed his feelings of guilt to Ed, Ed would try to do the same to Roy, which he'd rather not deal with.

Ed couldn't have wanted to talk about his weight. It was none of his business and not his place; Roy was sure he knew that well enough.

"I'm sorry for prying, sir," the Lieutenant said suddenly. "Last night, I mean. I should've just not brought anything up and let you forget about it."

"It's alright, Lieutenant."

"Well, I'm still sorry. I feel like I should've just let you have a time where you didn't think about it," said Hawkeye. "I feel bad."

"I understand, but...well, you were worried and I was...worried about Hughes."

Roy had lied about being worried. Not that he hadn't been, but he was lying to avoid eating when he told the lieutenant at the dinner table he was thinking about Hughes and it had worked.

The Lieutenant didn't reply. She stayed quiet. Roy peered over at Hawkeye to see what face she was making, which was useless. She barely ever moved her face when she didn't want to; her face never gave away any of her secrets. Unlike Roy.

The rest of the ride was quiet. When the two got to the hospital, they went straight to Hughes' room. He was sitting on the side of the bed and a nurse was at his bedside and they were talking quietly.

"Oh! Roy, Lieutenant, good morning."

"Good morning, sir."

"I brought you clothes," Roy said, extending his arms out to give them Hughes. "And shoes."

"Great. Thanks." Hughes turned to the nurse. "And thank you."

The nurse smiled at Hughes and excused herself. For some reason, Roy waited until she closed the door behind her to start talking.

"How're you feeling?" he asked.

"I'm alright, but I'm starting to feel the pain in my leg now."

As Hughes said, Roy felt a pain in his chest. He regretted even asking.

"Well, let's let you get changed and be on our way," the lieutenant said. "Did you eat breakfast?"

"Hell, no. I wasn't going to when I was going to be home so soon. The food here is like stale cardboard."

"Wasn't aware cardboard could go stale," said Roy.

Hughes rolled his eyes, "You know what I mean!"

The three were then quiet. Roy and the lieutenant standing awkwardly looking at Hughes.

Hughes cleared his throat, "Well...I'm gonna need someone's help."

Roy and Hawkeye exchanged glances.

"I'll go get the nurse," said Hawkeye.

"No, don't. I'll just help him," Roy offered, feeling as if it would somehow absolve him of his guilt.

Roy noticed the nurse had left a wheelchair on the other side of the bed. He figured if they were only going a few feet to the bathroom, it'd be easier to let Hughes lean on to get there. Roy went to Hughes and helped him to his feet.

"You sure you got me, Roy?" he asked. "Let's just use the wheelchair."

"Don't be stupid. It's a few feet."

Feeling much like a jerk, Roy helped Hughes to the bathroom as Hughes clutched his clothes and shoes in his arm while the other was wrapped around Hughes' shoulder. He helped Hughes to sit on the toilet...or more accurately, dropped Hughes there. After giving an exasperated huff, Roy closed the door behind him and took the clothes back from Hughes.

"Alright, let's do the hard part first."

Roy crouched down helped ease Hughes' leg into one of the pant legs, thankful that Hughes' was wearing a gown so that Roy didn't have to ease the leg out of a pant leg first. He let Hughes do his uninjured leg himself, figuring if their roles were switched, Roy would wanna at least do something to help. After that, Hughes simply shimmied off his gown.

A small gasp came from Roy.

"I know, I know," said Hughes, holding out his hand for his shirt. Roy handed it to him. "But I'm alright."

There were bruises all over him. Roy wanted to look away but hadn't. It felt as if he had put them there himself, but...didn't he? Shouldn't he have those bruises on his body instead?

"Hughes, I'm...I'm sorry."

Hughes pulled the shirt over his head. Roy thought back to when they were getting measured and how he envied Hughes for not being self-conscious with his shirt off.

"Please, stop apologizing, Roy." Hughes looked up to Roy with a smile. "I get some time off now...at least there's that."

"At least there's that," Roy echoed, whispering.

"Alright. Let's get the hell out of here...finally..."

"You've been here a day."

"Right, but I haven't had my wife's cooking in two weeks."

Roy didn't reply to that. Instead, he simply lowered himself so that Hughes could stand up and lean on him. Once Roy had opened the door, the lieutenant was already there with the wheelchair. Again, Roy felt like he had dropped Hughes onto the seat.

"Okay, we're on our way," Hawkeye said, pushing Hughes. "Let's get you home, sir."

Roy trailed behind Hawkeye pushing Hughes. He felt bad for not pushing Hughes himself but thought it would be too awkward to start doing it now, as the lieutenant was already doing it. He felt that it was only another thing to feel bad about not doing.

Once they were to Hawkeye's car, Roy took over. He helped Hughes into the back of Hawkeye's car as Hawkeye folded the wheelchair once Hughes was out of it.

"Alright?"

Hughes nodded.

Roy tried to force a smile, "Okay. Good."

Hawkeye and Roy got into the car and Hawkeye began driving. Of course, Hughes hadn't allowed it to be a quiet ride, and of course, Roy hadn't minded.

"So, what's life been life without me?"

"Quiet, for once," said Roy. "Hard to imagine there's be so many days in a row your family photos weren't shoved in my face."

Hughes laughed loudly. "Too bad I don't have my things...Gracia took them yesterday after they dropped them off at the hospital. I'll just have to show you some photos when we get to my house."

"Or you can show me, you know, your actual family."

"Or that too."

The two bantered casually but the lieutenant was quiet. Roy allowed himself to feel comfortable while talking with Hughes. He thought it would ease his urge to suddenly blurt what he had lied about while also hopefully getting Hughes' mind off the pain from his leg. He glanced over at Hawkeye intermittently to see what was she was thinking; she had a small smile on her face.

When they had gotten to Hughes' house, Gracia had instantly jumped on Hughes, throwing her arms around him.

"Did she not just see him yesterday?" Hawkeye whispered to Roy.

Roy chuckled, "I know..."

"Thank you, Roy," Gracia grabbed Roy's hand. "Thank you so much."

"Ah...it's nothing..."

"Well, I made breakfast for all of us," Gracia said, leading them to the dining room. Hughes took over wheeling himself and wheeled himself to the table as Gracia moved a chair so he could sit at the table. Roy was uneasy about the wide spread of food that was on the table. "Let me go grab Elysia."

Hawkeye looked at her watch and Roy hoped she was going to excuse both of them.

"We have some time," she said with a smile, sitting down leaving one of the seats next to Hughes free.

"Oh..." Roy looked at his own watch. She was right. "Alright then."

Roy sat down next to Hughes, feeling like he was about to faint. There wasn't a way to get out of this. Plus, he'd have to wait until he was at headquarters to throw it back up. That was hoping that he had a chance to go...who knew what the lieutenant would try and talk to him about. Then, he'd have to go to lunch with Fullmetal, and then what? Throw it up at a restaurant!? Surely Edward would realize something was off when Roy came back from the bathroom.

He was going to have to cancel. He should've lied to the lieutenant this morning that he had eaten. Why hadn't he just done that? If only he had lied...

Hughes leaned over, "Roy? You okay?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah. I'm okay."

"Don't tell me you're still feeling bad," said Hughes. "Come on, there's nothing to—"

"Daddy!"

Elysia ran into the room and there was that familiar pang of jealousy from Roy. She jumped onto Hughes, which Roy knew had to hurt, and Hughes planted a kiss on her cheek. Roy leaned over to look at Hawkeye, who again was just simply smiling.

Roy felt bad for not simply feeling pure joy at seeing Hughes be with Elysia again. All he was thinking about was the meal he had to eat, not even feeling guilty about lying to Hughes. Whenever there was anything to do with food, that always took up the most space in his mind and was always at the front. He was too consumed by his worries about food that it even was more present than his feelings about feeling guilty because it was all he was worried about.

Gracia came around and scooped up Elysia. She sat her down and then sat down herself. Roy watched as Hughes effortlessly served himself food and turned his head to see the lieutenant doing the same. Roy surprised himself with how jealous he was of such a simple action.

Although, part of him was always proud of his self-control. A deeper part of him was full of pride at the fact that he hadn't allowed himself to eat without care. He secretly thought of himself as better than Hughes or Hawkeye (or anyone else, for that matter) because he put so much thought into what and how little he ate. That being said, at least Hughes and Hawkeye didn't puke their food out from a fear of gaining weight. How pathetic.

Moreover, again (as always) these thoughts begged the question: was Roy in control of his eating habits, or were his eating habits in control of him?

Roy looked up from his empty plate and tried to decide what would be the least bad thing to eat. Maybe the eggs...at least it was protein. He'd really, really rather just not eat anything. What he would do for an excuse...

His eating habits were in control of him. He knew that. He wasn't sure when he lost control, but it had happened. He knew that, and he still didn't want to give up.

He kept his head down as he was eating, the conversation at the table sounding like a dull murmur.

"That's all you're going to have, Colonel?"

Roy didn't even want to look at Hawkeye. He didn't want to see what face she was making.

"I don't...feel well," he replied quietly, so Hughes wouldn't hear.

"I know, sir. I know you feel bad about Hughes, but please," Hawkeye spoke in a whisper. "Please eat something."

Maybe the lieutenant really thought that's why Roy wasn't eating much. Maybe she didn't and was just toying with him. He didn't know at this point. He lifted his head to see her grimacing.

"Just a little more, okay?" she said quietly, trying to smile. "For me?"

Roy hated being talked to like a child, but he would rather not get into an argument about it while he was at Hughes' house. So, instead, he simply nodded and put more food on his plate; a little bit more eggs and a bit of sausage. But! That was it. He wasn't going to be pushed into eating anymore.

He looked over at the lieutenant who simply gave him an approving nod, which hopefully meant that Roy was eating enough.

"I have to admit," Gracia started, "I'm excited to have Maes home."

"And I'm excited to be home," said Hughes. "Even if it's with a broken leg."

Hawkeye leaned over to look at Hughes. "Eight weeks, huh?"

"Something like that."

Roy wanted to ask more about Lior, but with Hughes' wife and daughter at the table, this clearly wasn't the time. Moreover, Roy hoped that Hughes had told him everything he needed to know about Lior. Though, he'd like to hear more than just what he needed to know.

"No coffee?" Gracia cocked her head at Roy, as she was pouring Hughes more.

"Uh..." Roy glanced at Hawkeye. "No, I'm alright."

Gracia was fine with that answer, but apparently, Hawkeye was not. She quirked her brow and then looked away from Roy. He almost got the urge to simply turn to and say, "What? What do you have to say about that?"

But, of course, she hadn't said anything.

Almost without thinking, Roy pushed his chair out. His plate was empty.

"Excuse me," he mumbled.

Robotically, Roy moved to the bathroom and instantly was on his knees. He didn't bother taking off his jacket like he usually did, just simply got onto his knees and stuck his hands down his throat. He threw up instantly, upchucking a huge rush of his breakfast. Shame almost set in, but before it could, Roy was throwing up again...and again...and again...and again...

Just one more time, Roy said to himself.

He threw up one more time. Then, one more time.

Finally, he considered himself finished. He let himself fall completely to the floor, exhausted and wiped. Shame and guilt settled in and Roy let his head fall. After years of restricting his food intake, Roy hadn't ever thought that this would be what he was doing. He had thought about throwing up but always, always dismissed the idea. Why had he even started doing this? To be able to keep his eating habits private?

Roy pulled himself up and washed his hands. He washed his face and rinsed his mouth with some water.

He knew that this wasn't going to go on forever. It felt like it would never end, but Roy knew it would. There wasn't any way that Roy was going to keep on doing this, even if no one ever caught him.

Right?

He couldn't even imagine confiding in anyone. Hughes or Hawkeye would have to see him throwing up for him to ever admit to doing something so shameful. What was he even supposed to say, "I started throwing up my food so you would think I was eating normally"?

Roy felt like he was almost on the brink of doing just that. He just wanted this whole charade over with. But, he didn't want to give this up. It was his way of control, and coping, he realized. If he didn't have this, what else did he have? Roy wondered what could have possibly on his mind before all this. What did he walk around thinking all day when he was younger? If it wasn't so sad, Roy would've found it amusing that he couldn't recall what he had used to think about.

When Roy came back to the table, Elysia was back on Hughes' lap—only on his uninjured leg, he noticed. Gracia and the lieutenant were sipping on their coffee and talking quietly.

"Isn't that exciting?" Hughes was saying.

"What's exciting?" Roy asked, sitting back down.

"That daddy's gonna be home for so long!"

Hughes looked to Elysia, then back to Roy. Roy smiled awkwardly.

"That is exciting," said Roy. "But now I won't have him with me at work."

"But you always have him!" whined Elysia. "He's at work all the time!"

"She's got you there, Roy. I am always at work."

Roy shrugged theatrically, "Fine. I guess you can have him."

Elysia laughed, so Roy allowed himself to laugh too. Hughes bounced Elysia on her leg, beaming down at her. Roy felt a familiar sense of jealousy from seeing Hughes with Elysia. He tried to suppress those feelings and just feel glad that Hughes was back home and that he was okay.

Still, Roy wanted to ask about Lior, but he'd have to save those questions for later.

"Well, this has been nice, and thank you," Hawkeye started, getting up from her seat. "but the colonel and I should get going."

"Yes...thank you," Roy echoed.

Gracia gave a soft smile, "And thank you for bringing Maes home."

"Yeah, thanks," Hughes added, looking up at Roy and Hawkeye.

Roy nodded and then motioned for the lieutenant to exit. Gracia walked them to the door and the two went to the lieutenant's car.

"That was nice," said Hawkeye. "Wish I could cook like that."

"I definitely can't. I think everything I make is just edible and that's about it."

Hawkeye laughed, "I don't think I'm that bad of a cook...I can't bake at all though."

"I don't even want to try."

The two shared a laugh and Roy felt bad for lying to her the whole time. She was so concerned, so worried, and he was constantly dismissing her. She had figured everything out (at least before he had started throwing up) and Roy made her think she was crazy for even thinking of the possibility. Hawkeye didn't even care about being right, she just wanted Roy to be taking care of himself.

"I'm going to lunch with Fullmetal today," said Roy, mostly to himself.

"Really?"

"When I went to see Hughes last night, he had been there, with Al, of course," Roy said. "but on my way out, he had asked me to lunch. How do you like that?"

Hawkeye smirked. "I like it, sir. Why do you think he asked? I thought he was allergic to being in a room with you."

It had caught Roy off-guard, so he laughed loudly.

"Well," Roy started, dropping his smile, "I think that he wants to talk about Lior, though."

"Oh. You're probably right, sir."

"He told Hughes about how he felt and seemed to feel better after that."

"Really?" The lieutenant asked. "I thought Edward would have a hard time not feeling guilty."

"Me too. That's why I said he seemed to feel better."

"Huh. You think he's lying, sir?"

"Maybe hiding how he feels," said Roy, "so Hughes doesn't worry or feel bad.

Hawkeye paused for a few moments.

"I think you do that too, sir."

"Hughes knows I feel," said Roy, a little too defensively. "I'm not hiding anything from him...or you, for that matter."

"I wasn't accusing you, sir. Just stating how similar you and Edward can be."

It always fascinated Roy how much the lieutenant changed how much she spoke from when she was playful with him to when she was trying to be serious. She always said "sir" here and there, but there was a certain manner of speaking that changed whenever she wanted to be taken completely seriously.

"Right..." said Roy dubiously. "Well, anyway, I was just letting you know...or just mentioning it to you."

"I know, sir."

Roy turned his head to take a look at the lieutenant. He knew she probably wasn't thinking about what she had just eaten because normal people didn't lament over a meal after it was said and done. Moreover, she was probably concerning herself with what he had eaten. Roy nervously thought that she was perhaps thinking about why he had gotten up when he was finished eating and used the bathroom. The more realistic part of Roy knew that she probably hadn't given a second thought. Or, she hadn't even given it thought in the first place.

After what felt like hours of dull silence, the two were at headquarters. The lieutenant had immediately gone to her desk and started on her paperwork while Roy grabbed a cup of coffee. He couldn't help but again think of the comment Hawkeye made about how he takes his coffee, but he was just so tired and knew he'd surely get a headache without it.

As Roy sat at his desk with his coffee and pretended to look like he was doing paperwork, he thought about Fullmetal. Was he really going to call and cancel on him? He'd almost rather not, for the lieutenant would surely ask: "what happened to lunch with Edward?" and Roy would have to make some lame excuse for why he was no longer going.

It was already bad enough throwing up in Hughes' house. Roy would prefer if he could just get through the day without eating anything. he supposed that it hadn't mattered if he went to lunch with Ed, either way, he was eating another meal today. He has been eating two meals, throwing up one, sure, but eating two. He could just...not eat dinner when he got home.

Roy wasn't sure why, but the days where he didn't eat dinner felt unsatisfying. It felt like just a tiring day overall. It was like even if his day was rough, or even if he didn't eat lunch (intentional or not), he could at least go home and have dinner. Like a normal person.

He wasn't going to cancel on Ed. He would go, eat something light, and that would be it. Roy knew that Ed needed him as well. If he canceled lunch, it felt like he was dismissing Ed's feelings or leaving him to dry.

All Roy knew for sure was that it was all a matter of when his true disordered habits were exposed. It wasn't an if. The same thing went for lying to Hughes about Lior. Everything was going to come to the surface and Roy almost hoped it was soon because it was starting to feel like he was constantly drowning.